A Moment Turns Addiction Into Action with Bryan Blackmon

Welcome And Recovery Catalyst Mission

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hello everyone. This is Kat York, and this is the Recovery Catalyst Podcast. Formerly call her Kat. I changed the name uh to align more with my mission, which is to bring awareness and to do my part uh to speak about topics that are important to me, which are addiction, mental health, trauma, and most importantly recovery. Um, everybody's journey is different, everybody's um addictions can be different, whether it's food, um, alcohol, drugs, shopping, whatever. And my goal is to shine a light on these topics, which are often misunderstood and come with a lot of judgment and stigma. And so I feel uh recovery catalyst encompasses that a little bit better and also focuses on a way out of of addiction and um the darker times of our life. So, with that being said, I would like to welcome our guest today. Our guest today is Brian Blackman. Brian left Texas for California chasing a dream and ended up homeless, sleeping in his car, drowning in alcohol and addiction. Then an eighty-five-year-old landlord named Elaine changed everything. She didn't just give him a room, she gave him a reason to rise. Now, sober, viral, and on a mission, Brian built Crab Life Crew to prove that no matter how deep you've dug your hole, you can claw your way back out. Please welcome Brian to the show. Hi, Brian.

SPEAKER_03 1:38

Well, hello, thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_02 1:40

I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_00 1:41

Thank you for being here. I've been looking forward to this interview.

SPEAKER_01 1:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

So your journey is an interesting one. Um and it kind of reminds me of sometimes those little coincidences in life where um we don't expect good things to happen to us at our lowest. And um before we get to Elaine and where you are

Chasing A Music Dream In LA

SPEAKER_00 2:05

now, could you tell us why you left Texas or California?

SPEAKER_03 2:11

Sure. Um I just always had a dream since I was a young kid to live out here. I'm a musician. I started watching, you know, MTV as a young kid and seeing all these 80 hair band guys, you know, running the sunset strip and being in Los Angeles. And I started playing guitar, started playing um in local bands around the Dallas Fort Worth area, and that's just what it was. I wanted to, I just always had this urge to move to California, Los Angeles specifically. So it took me till I was 42 to get here, but yeah, that's what I did.

SPEAKER_00 2:50

And did you move there by yourself or were you with a band?

SPEAKER_03 2:53

No, I did. I left everything toxic relationship, my amazing, wonderful family, friends, everybody. I just packed up my little hatchback car and just put in it what I thought I might need, and and I hit the road. No plan in sights.

SPEAKER_00 3:09

Now, were you already uh struggling with addiction at this point?

SPEAKER_03 3:13

Correct. My whole life has been a struggle with addiction and alcoholism. It just uh it got to a how do I say it it didn't get darker till later of my moving to California, but when I got here, it did reach a new level of um of parting because I I wanted to truly experience the sex, drugs, and rock and roll of California and that lifestyle. I mean that's what I had dreamed of my whole life, and I was already so far into my addiction and everything else that you know, once I got here, I really put it into motion.

SPEAKER_00 3:52

Well, I will I will say those 80 hair bands like Molly Crew and Guns N' Roses, they they the videos, especially, I think, not so much these days, but like back in the nine eighties and nineties, they really glamorized that like really partying lifestyle, like it was something you were missing out on.

SPEAKER_03 4:08

Oh, absolutely, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 4:11

And not that it's to blame, but it certainly didn't doesn't help, you know.

SPEAKER_03 4:16

It was inspiring. Yeah, it was inspiring. It was inspiring. It put me at a place to uh to start, you know. Yes, yes, yes. And yeah, so yeah, that was um that was the dream, and then and I definitely did that. I definitely did that.

SPEAKER_00 4:33

And once you got to California, how did things unfold for you?

SPEAKER_03 4:37

Well, I already had come out here a year previous um through a friend in Texas that was um had moved back from LA, that was a porn star out here. She left Texas, came out here, did that whole thing, met some really cool people. And I had just graduated from the Art Institute of Dallas with a degree in audio and video production. But there was nothing in in Fort Worth, Dallas, Texas, to really utilize it or do a whole lot of it. I mean, there's plenty of concerts and stuff that come through, but nothing like you know, Los Angeles. Right. So it she knew that I'd, you know, had already wanted to move out here. So she hooked me up with a guy that she was dating for a while who worked at a studio in Malibu and had some pretty good contacts. And I came out here and hung out for a weekend in Malibu and in and uh in Venice and told the guy I'd be back in a year. And like most people in his situation thought, bull crap, you know, this guy's not gonna be back. He's you know, everybody says that, but them actually doing it's a different story. Well, I went home and I made a plan for a year. I wrote down every single thing that I could possibly write down front and back of this notebook of what it would take. I mean, how much gas in my little car that I had, would a U-Haul fit to it, how much was a U-Haul gonna cost me there and back? And just, I mean, everything I could possibly think of, debts that I had to pay for bef before I could even, you know, leave the state of Texas. And I I I just stuck to that plan for an entire year. Whatever I could do to mark those those

When Addiction Starts Running The Show

SPEAKER_03 6:10

items off, I I did that for a year, and and next thing I know, I was packing up my car and driving out here. That's pretty wild. Yeah, it was a wild ride. Still been a wild ride.

SPEAKER_00 6:23

And and at what point when you were in California did your addiction kind of take hold on you a little bit stronger?

SPEAKER_03 6:33

From the moment I got here, it it got ramped up. But it really took a turn when the homelessness, I I moved into a house in Venice with that same guy. His name is Jamie, and he's still a really good friend of mine. But we had a huge falling out, what put me in a uh a spot of nowhere to go and moving my stuff out again. No family, no real friends, no money at this point, just survival mode, strict survival mode. So that led me to some hostels that I was staying in for a while, and then summer hit, and it got more expensive to stay in these hostels, and that put me in a tent in um on the the library lawn in Venice Beach, and gang members trying to take my tent from me, and you know, it got really really scary. And yeah, at that point, it it started to get uh it was already survival mode. Yeah, I was already in fight or flight, you know, that was already established, but it it got to a point of man, I don't even know what foot to put in front of the other. And the only way that I could even stay focused, as weird and crazy as this sounds, was to just keep my body fed with my addiction. You know, if I slowed down for a second, you know, California is it's not an easy place to move to, especially being from the Fort Worth Dallas, Texas area, where everybody's pretty much so kind and polite. And you get here and you know it it's a lot, it's a lot more rough, I I guess you could say, you know, if if you're not hustling out here, you know, it's hard to survive. Either you have a really good job and you're doing well, or you are living with two or three roommates and and you know, working two or three jobs just to make do. From what I found. That was what I what I figured out. So it it just stayed in survival mode for a a long time until I moved to Huntington Beach and and found the lane, and that's when things just got dark. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

It's cute, it's interesting to hear how you went from you were you were planning um to move, you had the notebook, you were making all the plans, you were really organized, you're getting your stuff together so you can go pursue your dream. And then, you know, fast forward sometimes. You know, you're now you're now homeless. You know, and I think that I think that shows how addiction can just you know, ravage your life.

SPEAKER_03 9:15

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 9:19

No, and I I'm just curious, like when you were on when you're when you were homeless was it what was that what was that like as often people, you know, as you just spoke up, even about addiction being glamorized. That's not glamorous. No. You know, you know, you don't want to be living on a lawn, you know, worrying about gang members, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 9:41

Like no, not at all. No place to shower, no place to use the bathroom.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

You know, and that's and I I think some people miss like how addiction stops becoming fun and becomes almost like a a need. You know what I mean? Like you said, you needed to keep using right.

SPEAKER_03 10:00

If I would have tried to to stop, I already knew you know the withdrawals from the drugs and alcohol were gonna be brutal. And sleeping in a tent, you know, and just trying to survive. I'd I'd got a little bit of money from the state of California because this was during COVID, right? So, you know, I got some money and I was just barely surviving. It got to a point where I tried to start this virtual reality business and spent all my money on virtual reality headsets on the Venice Beach boardwalk, and that turned out to be a nightmare. So I blew most of that money and you know, it was a really cool idea. It just didn't work as well as I I had it imagined in my head. So I'm I'm broke again, and I moved from, you know, I had a U-Haul that I had tried to do this virtual reality business out of for a while. So I was homeless in Santa Monica and and back and forth from Santa Monica to Venice and um sleeping in a in a U-Haul in the tent. I would somehow make some money doing some hustling and uh would get back in the hostel for a few weeks and then get back out of it. And you know, everything just was fighting for survival, you know, and the homelessness was uh man, it it beat me up so bad, like emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically. It takes a toll on you, that's for sure.

SPEAKER_00 11:28

Well, I mean, I aside from the physical dangers you have to worry about, I'm sure violence is a real thing, fighting and um, as you said, gang members. You know, the the emotional toll it takes on you to be homeless. You know, that's that's that's a that's not something that anybody really aspires to. It's not like you woke up one day and said, I want to be homeless. You know what I mean? It's that's a heavy toll on you emotionally. And

Homeless In Venice Survival Mode

SPEAKER_00 11:55

where did what was the turning point where you met Elaine?

SPEAKER_03 12:02

That's when I moved to Huntington Beach. So I went from Venice, Santa Monica, Culver City, Woodland Hills, Canoga Park, and then to Huntington Beach. So I made the whole I made a big LA travel journey trek, if you will, and then was guided. I've always believed in a in a higher power, I've always believed in something greater than myself. Call that God, love, source, creator, Jesus. I don't care what you call it. I grew up in a in a really Southern Baptist Christian home, and I left all the religion behind and and just knew that there was something greater. And so I was always um, you know, understanding of the fact that there was if if I listened to that gut intuition, if I listened to that instinct, uh, it would always prove itself right. But then again, I don't like to be told what to do, even if it's my own voice and my own spirit telling me what to do a lot of times. So I would go against it just to prove it wrong, which would lead me to worse situations. So um, point of that story is listen to your gut because it's probably guiding you down the right path. Um, but when I moved to Huntington Beach on that gut intuition, I ended up homeless again, sleeping in my car. And at that point, I knew in the deepest depths of my being that there was something greater for me to do. And I've really always known that, and other people in my life, my loved ones, my family, friends that I was close to, you know, always knew that Brian Blackman had something more to offer the world, but I just couldn't ever get sober, you know, and uh didn't really want to. I I did it for selfish reasons, uh, for family, you know, jobs, probation, parole, all that kind of stuff. But once I got out here, um the there was some things that happened. I ended up meeting somebody that um I shared a a moment with that had a Lamborghini. I was walking out of a a store. My favorite car is a Lamborghini. Him and and I got to talking, and I was pretty wreck. And clearly he knew it, and he pointed out that this was a gift of his sobriety. This Lamborghini was.

SPEAKER_01 14:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:16

So he told me what uh meeting he was going to or been going to for like the past 25 years, um, in in Huntington Beach. And so it took a couple months. I showed up there, and all I could do was raise my hand and and say, I'm tired, right? In tears. But at that point, I had found Elaine and I ran into each other uh by that same God, that same universe, that same thing. I was I was looking for a place to live out here, and uh, like I said, was sleeping in my car and driving back and forth to LA for work. I'd finally got a job in the industry that I worked in, um, doing the audio and video stuff with my degree. And so just try to survive still in that fight or flight mode. And and once I met Elaine and she gave me that opportunity and gave me that roof over my head, that's when the alcohol and drug addiction got to a dark place. Now I didn't have to worry about a roof over my head. Right. So that gave me that that spiritual um uplifting, that physical uplifting, that that push that I needed. Not to get sober, it just gave me um this this glimpse of of hope. And I'm not a big fan of the word hope because I I think that that word when you speak of it, it it comes from a place of lack. Like I'm hoping in something, you're already lacking it. And so I don't tend to use that word, but that's what it did. It gave me a little bit of hope that there was something greater that could happen.

SPEAKER_01 15:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:54

And so, yeah, that's when that's when the addiction, when I when I finally had that roof over my head, things just went to a dark, dark place. It wasn't even so much survival mode now, now it was just what do I do next? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:19

Was it just a culmination of everything you've been through?

SPEAKER_03 16:23

Well, it was that moment of me meeting that that man about the Lamborghini that kind of set this little seed. And then it was 800 and I think 99 days ago today, so tomorrow will be 900 days. Congratulations. Thank you. I was brushing my teeth in the mirror in my bathroom when I looked in in at that reflection for the first time in my life. I thought, oh my god. What has happened to you? You know, it it wasn't even a one of those flattering reflections. It was a very dark, spiritless, lifeless shell of a human being reflection. And for the first time in my life, I looked at myself and I was like, I can't, I can't do this anymore. And all those voices, all the the spirit that's in you that's saying something, the voices in your head that are saying something, all of it lined up at one specific moment when I was brushing my teeth and looking at myself in the mirror. And all I heard in my entire body was, you are worth it. Yeah, it sent chills up and down my spine. At that moment, I knew if I didn't make a decision now, I'm gonna look forward to 80 years and being in the same place, doing the exact same thing, maybe even worse, maybe not even still alive. Yeah, maybe jail, prison because I did something bad. I mean, who knows? Yeah, and that that put a different kind of fear in me. So I I had had that seed planted, I heard those words being spoken to me, you are worth it. And then I had this like reflection of man, I've been doing this my entire life. I kind of want to see what the other side has to offer, right? You know, I'm I'm wanting to see what could happen if I truly did something to better myself, right? So that was a turning point.

SPEAKER_00 18:28

Was there, and sometimes you've heard, or I think we all have heard like, oh, um, drugs, alcohol, they keep me inspired, they keep me creative. Was that ever a case for you where you were worried about? Like, did it help did you feel

Gut Instinct And The Huntington Beach Shift

SPEAKER_00 18:40

that it helped you become more creative when you were using versus you know, was that a fear for you?

SPEAKER_03 18:45

Sure, it it it did. What I got more scared about was getting sober. Am I gonna be able to laugh again? Am I gonna be able to go out and hang out with people again? What if everybody I meet? You know, a million thoughts go through your head or went through my head. But one of them was, will I ever laugh and have fun again? That scared me more than you know, I can still pick up my guitar because that's just in me to do that. I just love playing and and that creativity just happens. Did it have its place for a while? Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely, but I was more terrified of the normal living because I've never lived in a quote unquote normal body in a normal lifestyle. So I was just terrified of all the things, you know. Will I be able to go to a concert again and enjoy the music? Will I laugh again? Will I meet somebody that you know is not a drug and alcoholic, you know, because those are the only people that I knew. So where do you go to meet new people? But first I had to worry about just getting sober and I had to push all those thoughts out of my head. But yeah, that was that was a terrifying part of it.

SPEAKER_00 20:03

And I'm uh I mean and I'm assuming that you went back to the rooms of AA. You started that was where your path took you.

SPEAKER_03 20:11

Right. That's I started going there when I decided to do this. And mind you, it there were several attempts before that. I think I went nine days and then maybe seven days, and it it was just brutal. So at that point, this was before I looked in the mirror, it was before that point. So when I decided to get sober after looking in the mirror that day, and that happened, that's when I started going to the to the AA meetings and just you know raised my hand and was like, man, I'm I'm just tired. I I don't know what to do. Yeah, at that same time, I started calling around looking for sober living places or rehabs to get into that my insurance would would allow. And it was, I don't know, maybe six or seven days into it before I actually got a bed. And I was there for three days and saw people relapsing and they were bringing in alcohol and they were just you know sneaking it in. And I was watching all this go down, going through withdrawals, and that was what really made it hard because it was like I was trying to get the help. Yeah, you know, I I wanted it, I was trying to get help, but the place that I went to was, you know, providing what I was trying to get away from.

SPEAKER_01 21:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:26

So knowing myself and the withdrawals I've already gone through so many times, um, through all in and out of the jails and the rehabs and other sober livings that I've gone through my entire life, I knew that I could do this. I knew it was gonna be bad. I didn't know how bad it was gonna be this time, but yeah, I checked myself out and I came home and I locked myself in my bedroom for 30 days. Oof. That's rough. Yeah. Rough to the point where my fingertips and my toes were literally, and I used the word literally. As in literally bruised because I was clawing the carpet in tears so hard, just begging God to take my life. I I I couldn't do it. When I look back on it now, I still don't know how I made it through that, other than it was you know just meant to be.

SPEAKER_00 22:13

But no, you're you're quite lucky that you didn't pass away from that because with withdrawals are very serious. So alcohol, drugs, all of it's very serious to come off, especially alcohol. Um withdrawals can are it's very serious.

SPEAKER_03 22:29

I didn't eat much. It was, you know, I would take showers when I could just to feel somewhat clean from just all the sweat and the throwing up and using the bathroom, and it was rough. I I didn't understand how much fentanyl was being used to cut methamphetamines these days. One drug that I never got into, and I'm so grateful for, is fentanyl. That was just something I'd already done the heroin back in the day and struggled with that for a long, long time. So fentanyl just scared me. And that was one thing that you know I'm very grateful that I never got into. But when you're using it in a form because you're addicted to methamphetamines, yeah, and it's being cut with it, those withdrawals were on top of the alcohol and the pills and the weed and the meth, you know, all of it was coming out of me at one time, and it was it was intense, it was scary. I don't recommend that to anybody. Please understand that. I do not recommend that to anybody.

SPEAKER_00 23:32

No, but I think we need to highlight why you did that, which is you were trying to get sober and you're trying to detox, and you were in a facility where people were bringing the substances in that you were trying to get away from. Which is, you know, that's that happens probably more often than not. And so, you know, that kind of puts you in a precarious situation. Like, do I stay? How do I resist? Because I mean, that's not that's not a fun place to withdraw, and then it's not a fun place to withdraw and then be around the drug you're trying to get away from.

SPEAKER_02 24:03

Right.

SPEAKER_00 24:04

And so that's a that's yeah, I don't think that was it wasn't like that was your first choice to go do this by yourself.

The Mirror Moment And Self Worth

SPEAKER_03 24:10

No, but once once I attempted that, I was so determined. There was no stopping me at this point. I when I do something, I either do it all the way or I don't do it at all. There's not a lot of gray area with me in doing. I either go 110% or I just I just don't do it. So when I made the decision that this was that I'd had enough, I just flat out had enough of of that life. I knew that if I didn't do this by any means necessary, that I would probably end up you know on the streets for the rest of my life or in jail or just dead. And I I was truly just inspired by what life could be on the other side of this.

SPEAKER_00 25:04

And did you have um did you have a good uh support group around you, or was it were you still kind of more insulated, kind of by yourself a little bit?

SPEAKER_03 25:15

I was pretty much by myself. Elaine, I went downstairs and told her about halfway through it all, what was going on, expecting to get kicked out. You know, I I really was. I can't look back on it and say, if she would have kicked me out, would I have remained sober? I don't know. I I can't look at it that way because this is the way my life turned out. So I don't like to do what-ifs. Right. However, as far as support was concerned, when I went down and told her what I was doing and what I was going through and and why I hadn't been going downstairs because her and I had become like family at this point. Yeah. And she just told me that um you're welcome here. I love you. I'm here for you. Just go back upstairs and do whatever you need to do and and let me know how I can help. And and so that's what I did. And she'd already had um a her oldest daughter passed away from a brain aneurysm that was uh possibly brought on by her own alcoholism. Her other two daughters are recovering alcoholics, and she had two grandsons that both um passed away from fentanyl overdoses. So me putting her in this position terrified me because I I really felt guilty of what I was putting her through. You know, it wasn't cool for me to be able to be putting myself and her in that situation, you know. So I was terrified. It just and then my family, you know, being in Texas, they're they've always been so supportive and loving, but they'd also you know been through enough. They they just wanted it to stop, man. They just wanted it to stop. And would I ever make that decision to stop? And so yeah, my family's always been super supportive of of me bettering myself. And but then again, you know, they weren't here.

SPEAKER_01 27:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:03

So it was a lot of a lot of me doing it on my own.

SPEAKER_00 27:08

And uh so now you're you're you're you're detoxed, you you you're homeless, but you're but you're you're on the road to recovery. How you're two plus you're sober now. And what has been the hardest part for you of staying sober?

SPEAKER_03 27:33

That's a great question. At first the holidays were hard. I just I I think I'm super blessed and super fortunate because I haven't really had any desire to go backwards. There were a few times where I I struggled with man, like I don't know if I can take this right now. But it wasn't it wasn't, man, I need to go to a bar and get a drink. That's gonna calm me down. Yeah. I learned that during those moments, I would rather stick with those feelings and that that fear or that scaredness, or maybe even a little bit of uh depressed, why can't I go do this? You know, I just want to feel better. I would much rather be going through all of that and fighting that and learning from it rather than wake up the next day regretting everything that I've worked so hard for. Yeah. And I understood that fine line. So I haven't really, like I said, I I either go all the way in or I don't.

SPEAKER_01 28:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:48

For me, it's learning through those tough moments and truly understanding what we are really capable of. If we put our minds to something that we can crawl out of the depths of hell, and that doesn't mean that you can get yourself out and every day is going to be a struggle. Most days are just mind-blowing amazing.

SPEAKER_01 29:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:11

I think we just stay in our heads about having to worry about tomorrow or thinking about the regrets that we have from the past. And I've learned that if I think about the future too much or lean too much into the future, it gives me anxiety. My past is my past. I'm very grateful for it. I have no regrets. I have done some horrible things and I've done some amazing things, but they've all helped me shape who I am today. And today I'm very proud of myself. So I've learned that those hard parts of staying sober, I it's more of a it's gonna be okay. And I would rather learn from those hard moments than regret making that decision to fall backwards.

AA Rehab Friction And Solo Detox

SPEAKER_00 30:05

Is that what inspires you to start um Crab Crew?

SPEAKER_03 30:10

That kind of happened naturally on its own. I the how that happened is just another one of those God put in in my place at the right time, at the the right way with the right people. I started making TikTok videos about Elaine and I. I found it fascinating that the generational help that this lady offered to me, right? I was 45 when I met her, 44, 45, and she was 85. Right? Why did this lady take a chance on me? Yeah, and so I started making TikTok videos about you know our daily interactions with one another. It went crazy viral, and I started getting um all these messages from people saying, hey man, you should start live streaming and TikTok agencies, you know, what's your story? We want to hear more about this. You should share your story live streaming. And I didn't really want to, but one day I decided, you know what, let's just hit the go live button and see what happens. And I started doing that, and I just kept doing it, and it started building this community, and then it turned into this family. Well, people send virtual gifts on TikTok live streaming, and it makes your screen do all these fun, cool, interesting things. So I always am out and about on the Huntington Beach Pier and by the pavilion area or downtown, and a lot of I've gotten to know a lot of people now, and so there's always people around watching me and and doing my thing. And this this um woman had sent uh her name was Kari, she sent this crab gift and it starts dancing on your head and doing all this stuff. Well, I had just yelled out, Kari gave me crabs right here on TikTok. Really, you just gave me crabs, and everybody thought it was the funniest thing, and so people started sending it to me, and then I would call out their name and tell them just gave me crabs, and everybody just got a kick out of it. Next thing I know, I start getting crab gifts from all over the world. I've got crab blankets, crab keychains, crab songs, crab boxers, crab just everything. And so I started really digging into like why did this moment happen? What is it about the crab that it started you know becoming this thing? It was like, why did this happen? And my own curiosity, I just started researching crabs and learned that they're super resilient, they're adaptive, they figure out their way in life, they don't let whatever roadblock or or um trouble that comes their way hold them back, and sometimes they just stop and pause. So I found that super interesting. Well, I've had to become resilient, I've had to become adaptive being sober. Little did I know I'd been training for this my whole life, right? Through the drug and alcohol addiction, you've become resilient and adaptive to your situation. I'd say so. So I didn't really think about how resilient and adaptive I've become over the the years of my addiction and and my drinking. So I just sat down one day and I was like, man, that's why this happened. Then I did a little more research and I found the crab mentality. Are you familiar with this? No, okay. So check this out. Check this out. So if you put a bunch of crabs in a bucket, yeah, they'll try to crawl out. When they do, the others will reach down and pull them back in to not let them escape. It's called the crab mentality. Okay, right? Wow. So I started doing some more thinking and was like, well, how many times have I been trying to get out of this mess and been pulled back in? But oftentimes it wasn't, I mean, it was other people places and things, but often more so than not, it was me pulling myself back down back into it, right? So I started really like analyzing this whole thing. Well, I've pulled myself out of this container with the other crabs in it. So I started thinking about what could crab stand for. And what I had to do was I had to get clean. And that was the sea, right? I had to learn how to clear that chaos and those weeds and that those lies that we've continuously told ourselves over the course of of our life. Billboards, parents, grandparents, teachers, preachers, TV, magazines, social media, all these things that that tell us what we need to look like to be accepted or how we need to act to be accepted. Just so we've built this persona of who we are in our in our brain, which, in my humbled opinion, is a big lie. Right? You have uh been told what to feel, what to say, what to act, and what to look like, instead of really stopping and thinking about what do you enjoy, what do you want to be, who do you think that you are. But to learn how to clear out all that that chaos and get clean mind, body, and spirit. Then I had the R was perfect for resilience, the A was perfect for adaptability, and then the B landed on the bottom, which is the foundation, which is I had to believe that I was worth so much more. I had to believe that there was something that I could do or believe in myself in a different way that I've never even experienced, and and what could that outcome be? How how great could those possibilities be? And without a strong foundation, you can build anything on it, but how long is it gonna last? How long will it stay together? So it just came to be the breaking the crab mentality. So if I can pull myself out of this bucket, out of this container, it only makes sense for me to want to teach the next person how to do it so they can pull the next person out. I love that so they can pull the next person out, and everybody learns how to become through some several through simple disciplines. They're not always easy. I take that back. They're not always, but it's a few disciplines that I do on a daily basis. Again, like I said earlier, I'm not one for rules, although rules are needed. I like to push that line, right? So rehabs and and and AA meetings and stuff like that. Great, grand and wonderful. But when they tell you that you have to do it their way, or it's not going to work, that's where I have issues.

Staying Sober Through Holidays And Fear

SPEAKER_03 36:45

So what I've created, I've spent months, months going through all this information and my thoughts and and just reorganizing it all, and then I started laying out my own daily habits, and they're just disciplines, it's just a different way of life, right? If you, if you, if you I'm not gonna sit here and tell you what to do. I'm just wanting to share with you what I do to keep a smile on my face, to keep peace in my heart, joy in my heart, gratitude for the five simple things in life. I was given another chance at life today. I have a roof over my head, shoes on my feet, clothes on my back, and food in my stomach. After that, everything else is just a bonus.

SPEAKER_01 37:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:27

Right? So breaking the crab mentality is um is what I know that I'm just here to to help people with and but help you become the better version of yourself as I'm working on it daily as well. Yeah, you know? No, and I think I think how how is the crab community growing as as it is well, it started off with seven people watching me, and then it was like 4,200 followers, and now it's at 143,000 followers. Wow. 23 million times viral, I think, is the total views and everything that I've got on my social media page. Um, and so now I've got Crab Crew Discord, and there's well over 250, 280 uh people, I think, in it now, something like that. And so everybody is just the greatest thing about it is somebody can say, Man, guys, I'm really having a bad day today. I'm really struggling. And there will be, I can't even tell you how many people will jump in and say, Oh my god, we got you. What are you doing? What are you going through? You know, just helping each other out. And it's it's taking that step past a community and it's become like a family. And it's something I'm really, really proud of. And and I love seeing everybody else, you know, helping each other and being there for for another, because you just you we truly don't ever know what that next person is going through. You can have the biggest smile on your face, but you know, really hurting and struggling on the inside. And I believe that that vibration and and just smiling and and offering some kind of just sometimes you just gotta listen. Yeah, sometimes all somebody wants is just for you to listen just for a minute, you know.

SPEAKER_00 38:57

Well, I think well, I think your your um your community highlights something that's important with sobriety and probably in life in general, is you have to adapt, you know, because like there's gonna be times you can't make it to a meeting. There's gonna be times uh, you know, and and detoxes sometimes aren't always available. You can't always get a bed. I think where rehabs can be expensive, you can run into insurance issues and all this, and there's there's barriers sometimes, I believe, for some of these resources for those that are struggling. And yours, your community seems to um, from what I'm hearing from you, is more about um not telling you how to live, but like showing you ways that you can live better.

SPEAKER_03 39:38

Right. And that there are others out there that want to see you succeed. Yeah, there are people out there that truly want the best for other people. Not everybody is there to tear you down and make fun of you or tell you that you can't do it, or you're not worth it, or you're too old, or you're too far gone. I I think that we hear that a lot, maybe not just from other people, but in our own mindset, in our own heart, in our own spirit. We we tell ourselves, you know, I I'm 55 years old, I'm too far gone, or you know, I'm too old to be able to learn this new skill, or you know, my life is what it is already, there's no changing it. And that's what I enjoy helping people look at themselves a little different from and and knowing that it's not too late, you're still breathing, right?

SPEAKER_00 40:28

You're still here. If you're if you woke up today, it's a good day. Absolutely, absolutely, and you also do coaching, is that correct? Like you you work, you work with people one-on-one. Is that correct?

SPEAKER_03 40:41

Right, and that's where the crab crew life.com website and the whole it's a transformation experience. To me, it's like that word course, you know, just sounds so redundant, or like here I'm here to just get your money and and and teach you the best way, and you know, any other way is just dumb. That's not what it's about to me. It is just looking at some very simple basic disciplines in life. A couple of them. I do not watch negative TV, negative movies, things I don't hang around negative people, I don't touch my phone 30 to 45 minutes when I first get up in the morning, I don't let others influence me to guide my day.

Elaine And Going Viral On TikTok

SPEAKER_03 41:20

Right. You know, I'll spend time in silence, you know, and I I know that that is something that a lot of people struggle with because when you start sitting by yourself and and being alone, your brain goes nuts. Oh, yeah. And you know, we've gotten to the point of we're scrolling so much and filling that void, it's almost like a drug in and of itself. So when you really take that time to put intention into how you start your day, can really change the entire course of how your day is going to go from that moment on. So, you know, it's just some things like that that I practice on a daily basis that have kept me, you know, it's worked for me. It's worked for me, and and I just want to share those things with people and find out where they're at and how they can um become better versions of themselves because we never know when that last breath is going to be taken. And and I'll be damned by um if I go out tomorrow or right now and at least not be grateful for what the what this universe and this time has has offered me.

SPEAKER_00 42:23

What is what is what is next for you for Crab Crew? What's is there anything up and coming for for you or well?

SPEAKER_03 42:32

I've taken the last month off of live streaming. I've been doing it for almost two years for almost six hours a day. Yikes. And yeah, it's it it I just needed to step away and and just kind of view life through my lens instead of through the screen. But I'm going this, I leave tomorrow morning to go to Texas for my uh grandparents' 70th wedding anniversary.

SPEAKER_00 42:58

Wow, yeah, congratulations to them. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 43:01

Absolutely. So I'm excited about going to see my family, and then I'm gonna go live for the first time back on TikTok in a month uh to just do the whole downtown Fort Worth thing. And but who knows? Who knows? I've got so many more podcasts I'm doing, and just sharing my story and um get back to live streaming and just sharing life with people and and letting people feel um, you know, if I can make somebody laugh, smile, show them the beach, show them a sunset, a sunrise, something that a lot of people don't get to see or that might bring a smile to their face. So come join us. We have a lot of fun. There's a lot of laughs, a lot of crazy, cool, fun moments that happen. We just kind of take it day by day and show by show and and see what see what happens, but it's always a good time.

SPEAKER_00 43:45

And is me I see the guitar in your background, and you still is music still part of your oh absolutely?

SPEAKER_03 43:52

Yeah, I don't I don't play in a band or anything right now, but I do, you know, take time out of my day to to sit and play. That's just something that I that I have to do. My Body just my spirit needs it.

SPEAKER_00 44:02

And what is the what is the crab crew mean to you? Like when you look back at where you were from being homeless on the street, you know, detoxing, all those heavy, heavy moments, and you're here now, you've created this community of this huge following. What does that mean to you?

SPEAKER_03 44:21

That's a great question. I'm just so proud of it. It means that I what it's done for me is realize that I have a purpose. Like when I first started doing this, it was about me. You know, it was about Brian Blackman and what my story is or what who Elaine is in my life and how that whole thing started. Now it's become so much bigger than me. It's become this community, this family where everybody just loves saying hello to each other and laughing with each other and being a part of something bigger than ourselves. And that's the real purpose for me is just continuing doing something that gives me a purpose and that can give other people a reason to um to just smile and maybe look at their own life from a different perspective just for one second. Like I I never thought that that I could see my own life in in that way. If if you get off of my live stream or watch one of my videos and you don't feel like you were doom scrolling and you you had a smile on your face or felt some authenticity or some realness or some joy out of it, then you know that's just what I want to keep doing. And and when I look back on it and think about where it's come become, it's just kind of beyond my I I just keep rolling with it, man. It's just I enjoy it. I'm so proud of it, and I'm so grateful for it that I just want to keep going, and wherever that takes me is is where I'll go.

SPEAKER_00 45:47

Who knows? Maybe there's a there's a Lamborghini in your future. You know what? You know, sure. We're gonna put it out there.

SPEAKER_02 45:57

We're gonna put it out there, absolutely, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 46:01

And I'm curious, is um if if someone's listening and they're struggling with sobriety, sustaining it, they're new to it. What

Breaking The Crab Mentality Explained

SPEAKER_00 46:10

what what would you say to them right now?

SPEAKER_03 46:13

Don't give up. I know that sounds so cliche and so easy, but you truly have no idea what is waiting for you on that other side. Who knows what other life or who others life you might change just from that decision of bettering yourselves. If if energy is neither created nor destroyed, and you can tune into a high frequency or you can be a complaining negative person that's always on a low frequency, that's what this world is gonna reflect back to you, right? As within, so without. If you put that positive, that belief, that understanding, that knowing that you are destined for so much more. Sometimes you just have to take it minute by minute, but you have to believe that you are worth so much more than that lifestyle. And when you look back on it, really, you probably know where all of it takes you. Yeah, it's never really anywhere good. No, no. So I I I I truly want people to know their worth, and that you you just don't ever know what's on the other side of that, and how many people you could end up helping yourselves just just by bettering your your own life.

SPEAKER_00 47:30

Yeah, because it's it's hard to see sometimes when you're in the depths of it and you're struggling, you know. You know, but it's I think those words, as simple as they may be, are still true. Don't give up. You know, like they say in what AA, don't give up until the miracle happens, you know.

SPEAKER_03 47:45

Yeah, a lot of people stop four feet from gold.

SPEAKER_00 47:48

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's it's it's it's always what I found is it always gets a little bit darker before things actually, you know.

SPEAKER_03 47:57

And it will, but you can't enjoy you can't know what joy is without pain. You can't know what light is without dark, right? You can't know gratitude without loss. It you have to go through pain to be able to express understand the joy and live the joy. Getting sober and changing your life is not easy. Most people are fearful of it. Yeah, they're afraid of the unknown. But for me, that's that's the journey of it. Yeah, and the journey helps me understand more about where I'm at, who I am, and what it is that I'm doing. And I would much rather I would much rather wake up with a smile on my face and be grateful for five simple things than um you know go back to that darkness. And even though you get sober or you are a shopaholic, like you said, or you're an overeater, or just depressed. Yeah. It it's not just drugs and alcohol. I think that falls under the umbrella of just change. Yeah. Yeah. Right. So just know you're worth, know that you're worth having so much more, and you're worthy of having everything that this life can offer you in the short time that we're here.

SPEAKER_00 49:23

And you're only, I mean, look at you, you're just a couple years into sobriety, and you're already building this this this crazy community of people, the Discord, your TikTok. You know, I'm curious, what is the what does Elaine think of all this? What is she like?

SPEAKER_03 49:40

So it's gotta be wild for her to like it is because she'll come up, like she can come home from from she plays bridge every day, and uh, so she could go to the grocery store on the way home, and and she'll come home and call me, and she's like, Come downstairs, I gotta tell you something right now. I'm like, All right, what's up? She goes, I was in the grocery store, and I was just going to get eggs and something for dinner. And this lady said, Oh my god, are you a lady from TikTok? And

Daily Disciplines Coaching And Next Steps

SPEAKER_03 50:10

you know, she just gets the biggest kick out of it. She doesn't really understand the the vastness of all of it, but um, yeah, she enjoys it. She she has fun with it, and she's just grateful that everything worked out the way that it did and the way that it that it has.

SPEAKER_00 50:25

I think that's great because she's just shopping for dinner and somebody's like, I know you're from TikTok, and she's like, What?

SPEAKER_03 50:31

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She and she she loves it, she gets a kick out of it, you know. I love that. Any any last words for us, Brian, before we just I just want to say thank you for taking the time to have me on here. I really, really do appreciate it. And if you are not in a in a happy place right now or just in a place where you're fearful and scared, just know that you are worth so much more you truly are, and people want to see you succeed. Here's another quick little thought. Do you know how many people, if you ask yourself this, if you look at it, do you how many people would truly love to have your life? Because there are people who are way further down and hurting 10 times more and struggling a million times more than what you think you're going through right now. You know, there's somebody that wishes they were as beautiful as you that had just that roof over their head, that you got a 1976 pinto, and somebody would give anything to have that pinto. Somebody would give anything to have the $10,000, $50,000 in debt that you have because they're a million in debt. You know, just it's all in perspective. And and I guess that that about wraps it up for me.

SPEAKER_00 51:49

Well, thank you, Brian. I've enjoyed our conversation. I appreciate you taking the time. Um, I love what you've done. I love what what you've made crabs stand for clean, resilient, adaptability belief. And crabs are tough little creatures. They are, they are. They're they're no joke. They're no, they carry their home on them and they're always out about moving and shaking and doing their thing. Uh they're not too afraid of much from what I've seen. They're not no, no. So I think um everybody should uh you know can visit your website, your Crab Crew Life.com. You're on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, X, YouTube. Um, um, and the website is very cool. Brian has a has a countdown on there. Not a countdown, but like a like a uh a silver clock,

Advice For Struggling Listeners Closing

SPEAKER_00 52:35

I should say. Sober clock. Sober clock. And um, it's a cool website. There's some cool uh merchandise there too, as well. And you're in Discord as well, as you mentioned, and all those links I'll put in the show notes. Um and all ways to connect with me will be in the show notes as well. And I want to thank everyone for listening, for checking us out. Thank Brian again for being here. And I wish you nothing but the best when it comes to uh Crab Crew and everything you got going for you, and a lot of years of of continued uh sobriety and health ahead of you. Yeah, thank you so much. I appreciate it. Thank you, thank you, and we'll see everybody next time.