#80 The Power of Now in Practice: Overcoming Life's Illusions | TJ Beaudette

0:00 I sat in the grass for, I don't know, probably like four or five hours, just sat there. Then I felt into my body. Then I just felt it. I felt it. I felt nature around me. I felt it was like the illusion of separateness dissolved. I opened my eyes. I had like tears coming down my eyes as I looked out in the mountains and such. And I was like, and that was the moment I knew that there's more depth to me. And I previously understood there's more depth to every human Humans have gotten lost is where we have forgotten our oneness. All right. Welcome to the New Age Human podcast. I'm your host, Jonathan Astacio. And today we're talking with TJ Beaudette, who has served as a U S marine infantry officer.

0:42 Officer and now is helping others as a presence coach. Now, if you're interested in a mindfully packed episode where we talk about the concept of letting go, the illusion of separation, the importance of being present and dealing with uncertainty, stick around, you're going to get a lot from this. And lastly, I'm actually looking for some feedback. So I'm looking to hear back from you, whether it's something about what you like, what you dislike, or just simply saying, hi, I check all my emails. Now, with that said, let's get to the show. Alright, T. J. Baudet. Thanks for coming on the show. How's it going, man? Thank you, John. It's going great. Happy Sunday morning.

1:23 Right. Yeah. A presence coach. I definitely want to get into that, but more importantly, I want to know like who was TJ before being a presence coach? TJ. Well, I spent eight years in the Marines. I was an infantry officer. I grew up in New York, so I was affected by 9 11. All I wanted to do was carry a gun, go beyond the front lines, and that's what I did. I went to college. I joined the Marine Corps the day I graduated. Became an infantry officer. Did that for eight years. Deployed three times. Once to Afghanistan. Once all over the Middle East, once to Japan, uh, awesome experience.

2:03 Then after that I moved on to the corporate world. I was a medical device sales for four years and I started to go through this transition of really asking myself what I wanted to do. Really kind of diving into the emotions that felt like there was something missing. And that's what led me on this journey. just enhancing my own life and then it got to a point where I felt confident enough to share my experiences, to help others, uh, through their challenges as I continue to grow myself. Hmm. Well, first thanks for your service. Really appreciate it. And it's really cool to have someone with nine years of service and, traveling all over during that time period.

2:48 Was it, it was after 9 11 and that was what inspired you, right? To be like, you know what? I want to be one of the guys that helps this country. Oh, was a firefighter that passed away in 9 11. So that was around the time that I knew that I was going to join the military. And then a couple of years after that, I met a Marine that was like, that was so badass. I want to be like that guy. And then, then that's how I chose the Marines. And then the rest is history history. so I, I'm actually curious what, what everybody remembers. What were you doing when 9 11 happened? Like, where were you?

3:29 I was in seventh grade. It was my first week in a new school. And my, my school was seven through 12. So we were like seventh graders, but there was like high schoolers as well in the same building. So it was super intimidating as is. And on September 11th, they didn't really tell us what was going on beyond like this announcement, uh, that the world trade center had been attacked, but we didn't like know how severe it was. And, uh, so we were kind of oblivious to it, to be honest with you, even though we were only like, uh, 15 miles away from Southern Manhattan, we were oblivious to the depth of what was happening. At least I was until I got home until I saw it on the news.

4:10 Uh, then I was like, Oh my gosh, like, like the towers aren't there anymore. Wow, and I, 15 miles away, that's, that's close. And yeah, at that age, right, it's going to take you some time to process it. And then, and say, Hey, you know what? I want to, I want to do something about this. So I applaud you with taking action and saying, let's, let's go. I was in art class. I was in. I think I was a junior at the time or a sophomore in high school. So like what, 10th grade? And they turned up the radio. We had, I don't know if we had a TV in there, but um, we were like, we, we didn't have that much more At that age of an understanding what was going on, I just was thinking this is crazy and then find out that a lot of people were getting picked up from school and I was just happy to get out of there because it was just chaos where you have people like just being emotional and not everybody had cell phones.

5:14 So the communication was a lot different back then. There was not any texts that people were getting bombarded by. There wasn't that crazy social media to up the ante for anxiety and stress. And nowadays, and we're definitely going to get into that. If that happens, or it kind of did happen in a different way and put more potentially similar situations that can cause anxiety are just simmering with the algorithms, depending on where you are with social media. So you went and became, you went pretty much corporate sales with medical devices. And it sounds like after that you were like.

5:57 Something needs to change. Was there like a catalyst like, something specific that happened that made you think, you know what, I need to change something, because that's, what you're doing now is completely different from what you were doing before. What made you make that decision? And I'm excited to talk about the algorithms to and the simmering. I feel that, uh, but yeah, it was the fall of Afghanistan was all over the news and I was, you know, what was once my life's purpose was kind of crumbling and everyone was telling me like by everyone. I mean the generals and the politicians I saw on TV. They were telling me like you should be proud of your service. The withdrawals to success. And at the time I was very frustrated. I was like someone. Can someone tell the truth?

6:38 But what I have come to realize is that like everyone's entitled to their own truth. They could very well believe that it was a success, that we should be proud of our service. Like I get, I get that too. So it took a year of like hitting this rock bottom and then going out to nature by myself and running, I started running ultra marathons. I went back to therapy. Then I experienced psychedelics and I started to really understand that. I was feeling better. So I was like, okay, so changing my own life is my own willingness to look right at my own fear and go into it anyway and open to the unknown. And then once I got more confident in that, I got more confident in myself and my ability to stay grounded in the unknown, especially in this world.

7:24 It's so unknown these days with what's happening and there's voices coming at us from every direction. every direction and it's all driven by to get our attention because that is what's valuable. So anyway, once I became more grounded in my ability, confident, my ability to stay grounded, then I just start sharing my perspectives and that's led to coaching and reflecting with others in ways that can be helpful. makes perfect sense too. The power of nature, the power of self care and going within for answers and really tackling your, I guess your shadow side. And then for some right, psychedelics, you throw that in there. That kind of boosts some experience of some wild experiences.

8:08 We've had a couple of people on the show to share their wild experiences. But yeah, let's, let's get into what's going on. Like this was pretty much the ramp up to let's start talking about like. What's going on in today's world. There's a lot of stress, anxiety between the economy. Like you said, a lot of voices and opinions everywhere, right? Should I eat the egg whites and then the yellow or just the yellow, not the egg whites. Like there's, there's, there's, there's opinions for health. There's opinions for finances. So, maybe we can start with. What are you seeing more with your clients that is bringing the most stress?

8:54 Yeah, Fear around the uncertainty and a lot of it is derived from what they're seeing through their phones through technology. yeah degrees of uncertainty. What uh, so definitely uncertainty and Man, I think one of the biggest things that i'm seeing right now currently it's 2024 It's just turning into spring and Yeah Crypto is starting to be a hot topic. And now you also have, so crypto AI and the economy, I think those are like the three big ones.

9:40 It, what, what are your thoughts? Which one do you want to tackle first or talk about first? Cause I want to talk about maybe what your thoughts are on one of each. And we can talk about how to deal with the uncertainty in those categories. totally. I think first and foremost, like my first disclaimer to myself every day is I am skeptical of everything that comes through my phone. Like I don't know what's true or what's not. And that's everything from what I see on Fox or CNN. When I glance at those coming through social media, There's like, I get like a lot of texts each day that's like spam and trying to get me to go vote for this person or that person.

10:23 Like, there's just so much noise coming into my phone. Uh, and I take it all with a grain of salt, so to speak. And a huge part of all of this is just getting confident putting the phone down and going to be outside and experiencing my reality that's in front of me and being, like, being open, uh, To the challenges and the beauty that's in front of me without being too wrapped up in what's presented to me through my phone. Hmm. Hmm. And then another thing is also from what I've seen and just, it also helps to be a content creator of some sort because you get to see what the mind, what's going on in the mind behind the camera and how you prioritize content you put out as a creator and the battles that you fight because.

11:19 There is this constant chatter that I've had with people where don't talk about this, talk about this, this is gonna go viral, this is not, right? And at that point, you're just a, I guess a slave to the algorithm, which, why would you create content to begin with, unless it's just purely to make the money? And then, I'm sure there's a lot of people out there, especially as, you know, the finances get tighter and inflation gets higher and then the pressure gets higher and then like you said the noise the chatter yeah you're going to or so i can see i can understand how some people will prioritize the financial gain over the message and the mission right what are your thoughts on that Whoo, I think, I believe that artificial intelligence can free humanity.

12:14 mm And I also believe that it can entrap humanity, and I believe that's an individual decision. That's up to the individual, and I don't know how it plays out step by step, but How it relates to finances and crypto and money like, yeah, there's a lot of uncertainty in how this next season of humanity plays out. I do believe that the people that who are going to become free and leverage AI in a way that frees humanity understand the value of their own energy. Understand that their own energy is more valuable than the vehicles that humans have typically used to transfer value.

12:58 Whether that be money, hard currency that was once backed by the gold standard, Now, it's as easy as clicking my phone and like putting it up next to the payment thing. So, yeah, that's still federally regulated money or cryptocurrency. That's another vehicle. I don't know how it plays out, but I do believe that if we take care of ourselves, and we balance ourselves and we're able to put the phones down, we're able to express authentically into it intentionally, and then intentionally close the laptop and go live. Like I do believe that those people will lead into the future, receive the abundance and become more and more free of the noise in the world.

13:43 i agree and One of the main things that I focus on, and I think you're speaking similar to that, where I see it as that survival mentality versus thrive mentality. The. Animal, or I guess the reptilian brain of quick thinking, bias thinking, it's easy to control somebody and influence someone when they're in survival mode because you got very little time to make a decision, very little facts to work on, and you're just skimming the top of the surface of all data. And, What I see what you and myself and people that are helping people go within and quiet and slow down.

14:29 I love nature that does that very well to your point. Yeah, you take care of yourself. Everything else. And so many words is going to be taken care of. And I see it as getting out of that. Survival mentality and then moving into that more expansive thinking where you're like, you know what? I'm not going to make a decision right now just because I heard this. I'm not going to make a decision right now. I'll get back to you in 72 hours, right? Because there's less you're going to sort through more opportunities. Your mind's going to be less scarce and it's decision making. What are your thoughts on that?

15:09 So I'm with it. And I think the most challenging thing for me as I've come through this journey of healing, of self growth, call it what you will, is one. I realized that it's, it didn't just start a year ago or two years ago. Then it's like it's a lifelong thing and to how often I have been in fight or flight unknowingly when I may have been in situations where I was keeping totally calm, where I was trained to keep totally calm. Uh, yet my body was in a perpetual state of fight or flight from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep for a long time.

15:53 You know what? That reminds me or I'm actually very curious. You're training in the military. How has that helped you with managing your stress levels? I believe that if we are strong enough to come through the experience, we are strong enough to feel the emotions that we may have bypassed when we are experiencing it. And the Marine Corps is pretty badass. It's a badass organization, right? Like guys go into it and like, we do hard things and yeah. So it's, it makes me more confident in my ability to handle the emotions that are under there and my, my willingness to go run an ultra marathon or go do a very long cold plunge. It's, it's the same mindset as I honed or developed in the military of like, at all costs, you will get through the obstacle.

16:40 Now I just see the obstacle. I'm just learning to flow around it, but it's the same mindset. I'm also thinking like these, I want to get into these tools, right? These methods, uh, practices that you go through to challenge the mind. But before we get into that, I want to highlight. What can go wrong? What are some dumb mistakes we can do if we're not in the right mindset and really drive that home? I, uh, I have a story that my grandmother told me about, and maybe this can spark some memories of something similar for you. She told me that one day. She was getting ready to, I think, go to work or go out.

17:21 And so of course you go, she, she keeps her clothes and shoes and stuff in the closet. So she goes to the closet and she's looking for her shoes and she can't find them. She also knows that she noticed that there's milk. There's a gallon of milk on the floor next to her shoes. And she's like, what is this? So she picked it up and went to the kitchen and open up the fridge to put it away. And guess what? In the fridge were her shoes that she was looking for. And how many times do you go to put like the salt in the fridge, you know, like just the weird stuff because you're just not present.

18:01 You're just an autopilot. And for me, I'm like, that's an extreme one. Like. A gallon of milk is, is not a small or light thing. So you have to be really gone, not present at all to put that in your clauses. So, you have any examples of something like that? And I'm, I'm thinking about stuff for myself too. I'd love to hear yours too. I think what comes to mind right now is like, I've had some, some experiences on mushrooms where I have, I definitely, I was like, most of the time when I do it, I'm alone. I try to set, uh, the intention. And yeah, it's just like I have had some bad trips, some bad mushroom journeys. I say bad, challenging.

18:42 They have been very challenging. They're not bad because there's still lessons and strength that comes from experiencing it. But as I, as I was going through some of those, I'm like, what? Like you're, you're pushing it too hard, TJ. Like you're pushing too far right now. Slow down. Hmm. So in, in that, are you saying that. I guess using the same terminology being in let's say like that fight or flight or that scarcity mentality going into mushrooms, right? I'm thinking philocybin. Is that So it's happened. Psilocybin. One of these days I'll get it right. Psilocybin is, I'm guessing it's a different experience versus coming into it when you're calm and relaxed and you're, you're, you're just in a, in a better state of mind.

19:25 Is it like, how important is that? Or does it take over? I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Even the trips that have been challenging, I've still learned and have grown from them. So like, I don't, it's hard for me to say like, yeah, if you're not in the right state of mind, don't do it. I think there's still value. If you choose to do it, that is your choice. And we are empowered by knowing the depth of our choice in any situation. So. When I went into it, perhaps I was in fight or flight. Like I had a lot going on in my life and I was like, you know, I'm, I'm going to experience mushrooms today.

20:10 Uh, yeah, yeah. And then I'd be in it and like, it would just take me to like dark places, but these are, these aren't unfamiliar places. These are places that I've, I've experienced previously in my life. These are emotions that I experienced previously, but I may have buried them under. drinking or whatever method I used in the past, and I've used many to bury emotions. You know, they're not, they're not unfamiliar, so to speak. They're parts of me. It's showing me if I remain ungrounded, how far off track, so to speak, my life can go.

20:53 Cause it's like I was in this box of like safety if like in the military. It's like, yeah, there's leadership abilities and you're making decisions, but it's very much in a box. Same thing in corporate. It's very much in a box. Now I'm in this entrepreneurial space where I could go anywhere and do anything and you know, if I'm not grounded and I'm pushing the limits with psilocybin, it's going to show me like, all right, like, do you want to be homeless in 10 years? which sounds it's I know it sounds ridiculous, but it's it's a very real possibility. And unless I acknowledge those possibilities, then I can't also acknowledge how beautiful my life can get. I limit my the beauty, the potential beauty.

21:34 And it's interesting how, um, nature has different ways of getting us back to it. it be psilocybin, ayahuasca, cannabis, poison, really. That'll make you present. You just want to live. And as you're talking, I'm also thinking like, what's some weird, wild stuff that I've done? Because honestly, that's been my journey. Like most of my like beginnings has been like not present at all. I just remember it was hard for me to progress and follow directions. I would be looking at someone straight, like, like, yes, as guys.

22:17 Maybe sometimes it's hard to pay attention to when a woman talks or when someone talks and For me, it was just anybody if someone gave me directions they might say like Two words and then I'm off somewheres else wondering about those words, right? Maybe ADHD, but not Diagnosed some and for me I go into I Can see myself going into just that autopilot where you miss the exit on the highway and you go I've gone south for flight five exits on the highway just to 10 minutes in the wrong direction a bunch of times being in a rush, which is like the worst things happen when you're in the rush, you break something, you spill something, right?

23:02 And it's like that calm and clear present moment that makes everything much more faster where that over and then that overthinking comes into play where You're just overthinking everything. And I'm also trying to think of, I mean, I've put clothes on backwards and worn it all day, right? it's my shoes and you put it on backwards, like that's obvious and immediate, but something more subtle, like imagine if you're not present enough and all those non subtle things pile up, that could be a bad situation. Is there any situations that you found yourself or maybe a client in where they realized that they just stacked all these quick bias, just not present moment thinking to the point where it's just a bad situation.

23:56 All right, me. Totally. I lived like that for so long. I feel it. I would be driving down the highway, metaphorically speaking, and I missed my exit. And then the chatter about how dumb I am for missing my exit would start. And because of that, that would make the whole situation more intense, more cloudy. And I think the key to all of this is knowing that we are humans. We are going to miss our exit still from time to time. Like we are going to go off in the clouds and like, ah shit, I missed that one. But it's, can we have the self grace that when we are three exits past where we were supposed to get off to take a breath? Okay, I could just turn around. Oh, no. Uh, now I'm gonna be late to that really important work meeting.

24:39 Let me take a breath. What's the worst thing that could happen if I'm late to this work meeting? Well, I could just say that I missed my exit. And, you know, like we could lean into worst case scenario in each breath and then realize, like, Oh, it's not that bad. Like, at some point, we could realize that we can just get off. And calmly turn around and go back and find our way to where we were meant to be going. And we don't need to get caught up in the negative chatter and the panicking. That can happen subconsciously sometimes. Yeah. I remember being in a rush to get somewhere by a certain time, freaking out and getting there.

25:22 sacrificing a lot, right? You're driving and you're cutting people off. You're cutting corners. You arrive and you're putting yourself together. Mentally, you walk in as if nothing's wrong. And then you realize you're the first person there. I've had that where I stacked up the wrong information. I say stacked up meaning when I put the information in my phone to begin with, it was wrong information. It was an hour early. So now I'm stressed, but I'm an hour early and now I'm just helping set up at this point and then laughing at myself because I was so, I have to mend an argument. Uh, like that I had with my wife when I get home and for, for me to show up.

26:07 Early it's it's a problem. Yeah. Yeah. So I definitely see what you're saying and for obvious reasons Let's get into the stuff that helps with that some tools anybody listening that I'm sure if you're listening and You know you you You attract your tribe, right? I'm sure there's some of us listening right now that are like, okay, so like what do we do? What are some practices that have worked with you? So let's start with you, tj. What, what do you do when you sense yourself saying, I am not in the right place right now, or, I need to get myself in the right place and need to be more present because I have X, Y, Z that I gotta get done?

26:50 I do a lot. And it varies. So it's hard for me to give a specific answer because what worked for me three months ago may not be working for me now. So it's this constant exploration of things. So I'll like simply put, uh, I just fuck around to find out, like I just a willingness to go to a yoga class or go to a breath work class. What works, what seems to work most consistently for me running, I run a lot and that's become super grounding and cold plunging or just like just a cold shower to that. When my, when I'm getting pulled back into something that I know is not best serving me, but it seems like it could be a short term fix to what I'm feeling.

27:31 Things that I used to go to often, and I don't want to do that anymore because I'm becoming more aware of how it makes me feel. Uh, a cold shower can be something that I just jump in just to remind myself of the path that I want to stay on. Cold plunge. So I want to tell you a little bit about my running experience Yes. So when I was younger and and there's a reason why when I was younger I had I was dealing with asthma So I hated running After a long period of time and it sucked because I loved to play soccer And so I kind of slowed down with that. It was like a puberty thing body just bad Bad health decisions, bad food, just the body said, you know what?

28:14 Fuck your lungs. And so, I just disliked running and then. Years go by. I'm in a very stressful relationship, stressful job, stressful, stressful living situation to the point where I would have nosebleeds and I had to get eye surgery because I was going to have a retina tear. Just the body was shutting down. And I found out that where I was staying around the corner was a botanical garden. And I was like, I got to spend some time in this place. And then it got to the point where by the time I got home, I.

28:56 You can't just I was like, you know, I'm gonna just run I'm gonna just run there and walk around But then the act of running put me in a place where like I I had to push Like my knees would start giving out just because I wasn't fit and I would just run through stuff and then just Kind of hobble the rest but the act of just pushing through something that I hated to do Really helped me over just get over All the pressure and the stress of the day because all I could think of is how much I hate running And there'd be times where I would go too far and and I would just enjoy Being outside and then it would get dark and now i'm running back and i've even ran even in the rain That like I I hate hated running and I was still run because i'm like I like it was Not as bad as the stress of the job of the relationship of the living situation You And then after that, I started to fast forward.

29:55 I did Spartan races, I did the Tough Mudder and all from like the stressful situation. So the irony is that crazy stressful experience I had got me into really good habits. Yes. running helped you? Did you always like running? I mean, you were in the military, so you had to, you had to run regardless, but how has, like, what does running do for you? Like, what's your experience? Do you have anything like that where it just kind of changed your mindset? Wow. there was a day, a year and a half ago, I was going through a divorce. I was alone in an empty house for the first time in eight years.

30:38 So much uncertainty, like six months before that I was in such a dark place. I contemplated ending my own life and I was, me and my mom were button heads, which we are in a much better place now. But at that time it was just, there's just so much tension. And she said some words to me. One day as we were talking as I was going through all this uncertainty that just like they cut really, really deep and I put up these boundaries and it was this argument like, Hey, like, don't talk to me anymore. Like it was like that, you know, and so we, we didn't talk for like two months after that, but that was the day that I just decided that I was going to run 30 miles and I had no business running, running 30 miles.

31:21 But it was just like I just needed to change it up. I just needed to do something different and I finished it. It was very slow. I limped. I walked the last 12 miles. I didn't run the 30 miles, but I finished the 30 miles. got far before you started limping, man. I'm like two miles. Dragon feet. Okay. and I, when I got back to my house, I felt good for the first time in a long time. And I knew that no matter what happened, No matter what happened as my divorce progressed financially with work with my family, like I could always just run. I mean, so long as my body's physically able, which I know one day it will not be able to, and that's okay, too.

32:03 But all I needed right now is a pair of shoes, and I could just get out there and ground and feel through some of the challenges. Uh, so that's why running has It's definitely been a cornerstone for me and you hit on nature too and that's something that I've taken a couple solo trips out to nature and if anyone is struggling with anxiety or life challenges and like has a feeling like something is amiss, that would be my recommendation is take a weekend, take a couple of days, turn the phone off and go in solitude and nature and just be because it is remarkably uncomfortable at first.

32:43 At first, but then you start to like settle into the rhythm of nature. You start to get in tune with sun up sun down. You just start to feel into the energy of the animals wherever you are. And as you start to feel into and come into sync, like for me, that's where I had some real significant breakthroughs into new depths of myself was in nature and it's available to everyone. It's all around us. Breakthroughs as in after a period of time and reconnecting with nature. How, well, how long did it take you to see some sign of a breakthrough when you disconnect? So about two months after the story, I just told about like going for that 30 mile run.

33:27 I went out to Asheville, North Carolina by myself. And I brought the book, the power of now with me. Cause I had read that when I was in the Marines, but it caused like more anxiety. Like I was like, I was like, all right, whatever's in this book is not compatible with training for and going to war. So I put it out of my mind. But after I hit a rock bottom, so to speak, uh, I opened back up to the possibility. So I brought the power of now with me. It was just me. And I was like, people can meditate. I'm going to figure this out. I'm going to get this down. And it was like this drive to do it. So day three out in nature, I sat in the grass for, I don't know, probably like four or five hours, just sat there.

34:07 And I think it's chapter eight in the power of now, the beginning of it, where Eckhart Tolle is talking about, feel into the energy in your body and then feel into, you know, Allow it to merge with nature around you, the energy of nature. So for hours, my mind was just going and going and going. And it's like, TJ, go do this. Like, go do that. Go do this. And I just kept sitting there and finally I started to feel into my body and then like I would lose it again. Then I would come back to my thoughts, but I knew I was getting somewhere. Then I felt into my body. Then I just felt it. I felt it. I felt nature around me. I felt it was like the illusion of separateness dissolved.

34:48 And in that moment, I understood what Jesus was teaching from a totally different perspective. And I grew up like Catholic. It's like, Oh my gosh, like, this is what he was saying. Like, it's all here. Like, this is it. Like, it's beautiful. I opened my eyes. I had like tears coming down my eyes as I looked out in the mountains and such. And I was like, and that was the moment I knew that there's more depth to me. And I previously understood there's more depth to every human on this planet. And, uh, yeah, so that was, that was a breakthrough moment for me, so to speak. five hours in the woods. Day three to Yeah. Right.

35:28 You gotta be really dedicated and, and again, it's different for everybody, right? yes, So when you're on the ground, right, so you're grounded you're, you have that, direct connection to earth then you were sitting there. Could you go a little bit deeper into what you were experiencing? What do you mean by there is no separation? we are separate from each other. Like I exist, you exist. Everything is out is there, right? Like I'm not denying that we are separate. I think we're Humans have gotten lost is where we have forgotten our oneness.

36:15 We have lost our oneness with all of this as well. Simultaneously, we are separate. Simultaneously, we are one with this, I believe. And that can be, it can't be taught. You know, I think this is what spiritual teachers speak in metaphors because the words cannot explain it. They can just be signposts to help. Each of us discover it within ourselves and as it's discovered, as it's felt, we begin to see, I have begun to see that my outer world is a reflection of my inner world, not the other way around, perhaps, and if that's true, it's like it shifts everything and it's scary to let go of what I was once clinging to for safety, for the perception of safety.

37:05 yet as I let go and I allow things to shift and simply put, I just take care of myself. I just eat vegetables more often than I used to. I run a cold points, you know, it's like, it's not that complicated, but my life improves and I see synchronicities in my life and I meet new people and opportunities open up and my life improves. So that's it. It's like, that's what I'm trying to help people see. Hehehehe to understand when you let go and you stop. You have the wise man that's always annoying because he's always asking you questions and not telling you.

37:49 Like, just tell me, what do I need to do? You will know when the time happens. I hate you because you don't, the language is internal. All this external stuff is a reflection of the inside. So it's right. So I get it. I get it. also thinking about what we spoke about nature, uh, meditation. Getting into that stillness so that you can reconnect to yourself and how that influences your outer world. Cold plunging. For me, from what I understood, cold plunging activates your nervous system. Like it puts you into shock.

38:30 It's like a reset. Where you're just like Don't die. And then you're like, okay, like it's like the extreme of what you don't want so that you can get back to what you do want. That's how I see cold plunging as. Do you, do you have like a cold plunge? Like do you have the cold plunge or do you do cold showers? How do you do it? My gym has cold plunges and saunas. Yeah, yeah. It's cool, it's overlooking the Pacific Ocean too. It's Ah, please. Yeah. Do you, have you cold plunged before? I've, I've done cold showers, but not like the, I've done a cold plunge, but it was part of a Tough Mudder Gotcha.

39:13 it actually was, Oh my God. My body was, I don't know how much into that story I should get into, but in the Tough Mudders, you have like the half and the full, right? I think the half is like three miles and the full is like six miles. And it was a group of us. And we saw that there were really cool obstacles on the second half. But we only signed up for the, for the first half. Like, crap. So we, you know, at the end you get your shirts. So we took our shirts off. So that it's not obvious that we were, went to a finish line. We, we hid it under a garbage bin. And we just hopped the fence and went to the second half. And I was like, the one guy that was like, I was the one guy that was saying, maybe we shouldn't do this because my, I was already still starting to feel the, uh, my body going to, uh, you know, to its limits and everybody else was like, let's go.

40:06 I'm like, all right, fine. I was hurt. I was like, I think one mile left and my, my legs gave out. I. I, it was painful. And so I'm limping and one guy comes and he has like a backpack and he's, he's prepared to like help anybody like myself who was just lying on the floor at this point. And he gave me mustard for like packets. And he gave me like electrolytes. I'm like this guy, like this is guy's a godsend. Like he's an angel. And then within eye distance, I see this structure and it's like this truck and A ramp and it was the cold plunge and they're like just keep going because your body's gonna reset And so i'm limping and I got I found like a stick, you know, let's walk it with a stick and it's One of those containers the shipping containers filled with ice Water like there's ice floating on top of it and there's a ramp sliding down and then you can't jump out of it You have to go through the whole length of that container and there's ropes there's like a roped netting like um for you to like pull yourself and before I go in i'm like Do you have any advice because I hate Cold water and he's like just don't forget to breathe.

41:32 I'm like, what do you mean? Don't forget to breathe I'm gonna like am I gonna pass out? Am I gonna just not be able to breathe? So that didn't help but i'm like, all right, I have to go and I yeah, I went in and I was just shortness of breath and i'm just climbing and and just trying to get through it I climb out and My legs everything was A lot better. I was able to start at least jogging a little bit. It's insane what the body does when it can get a reset, a shock to the system. The, um, inflammation was virtually gone for, let's say 10, 15 minutes. And I was just taking advantage of that. But that was my first like extreme Go into the water.

42:12 I was always the last, like growing up, I was always the last kid into the pool. Right. Just like everybody's having fun. I'm like, it's too cold. I got to mentally get myself into it and to now willingly do that stuff. If I can do it and you're listening, you can do it for sure. Like if you have a. Um, And then maybe I can upgrade to a gym where I'm overlooking the lake or the ocean. Because that's just nuts. Any tips on someone who doesn't have access to that gym? Ha ha that's a, that's an awesome cold plunge story right there. That's an awesome first cold water experience right there. Super cool. Ha I would, Cold showers. Cold showers.

42:52 it's I'm sure there's differences. I'm sure one is better for inflammation and like there's science behind both. Yeah. For the mental, for me, it's overcoming the mental blocks of getting into the cold water and a cold shower will provide the opportunity for there to be a block for us to not want to do something, but to choose to do it anyway, just to see how it feels on the other side, because it may allow us to feel better than we Well, nature. Is there anything that we haven't mentioned that you use?

43:34 after I meditated for the first time, you know that like five hour story, I discovered breath work and I discovered breath work and I was like, Oh, like this helps me get to it so much quicker than just sitting out in the grass for hours. So breath work is another one. Okay. Anything. a, like a, like those deep breaths where you get lightheaded. Yeah. Like, um, and you can find free breath work sessions on YouTube. Absolutely. There's there's just do breathwork by Sandy or Wim Hof both really good options. Yeah, Wim Hof is the man in that belly chest release and repeating the patterns. You can also just do it on your own and I do it all the time. I just experiment with different.

44:16 I experiment with breathwork in the cold plunge just to work through the times where uncomfortable emotions come up. And the ability to be able to handle that. And just know that, like, let the emotions come, let the emotions be released as they're ready and dissipate and know that it's just a knowing it's faith. Actually, it's faith that whatever comes up in the future, we will be strong enough to handle it. And building trust with ourselves and strengthening our own story helps us know that. No. Yeah. Well said. And to your point, if you're in a stressful situation, you can't just leave the room running and jump into the water, right?

45:01 Cause it's not always going to be around for you to do last minute. So yeah, breath work for sure. I see myself doing breath work, but I would like to learn a little bit more because I just do like long breaths. If I'm stressed, I'm just Yeah, yes. Right? Just I Cause it's, doing that. Yes. I mean, if you think about it though, it's, it can be that simple because we can be five exits past where we were supposed to get off. And then we realized that we're late and we're lost. And then that breath allows us just that little bit of space before we start responding and making decisions again to know that we're still okay.

45:47 It probably would have been better if we got off when we were supposed to, but like, we are still okay. And let's just, now, from this space of knowing we're okay, make decisions to solve the issue or the challenge. Well said. Pull over. Breathe. Freaking breathe. Oh, I had to, well, I changed my tire on the side of the highway. And still made it to where I was going on time. Good. But was it raining? It was not raining, no. Yeah, yeah. That's like, have you ever driven by somebody and like, pulled over and their tire's flat and you're like Oh, man, that sucks, you know, I hope they're breathing, you know, I hope they're relaxing I've yeah, yeah Oh, this is Go ahead.

46:40 go ahead i'm Well, it's an interesting topic because, you know, there's something to be said about. Like, yeah, we're going to see other people on the side of the highway in our journey. And we can't help everyone. So do we So how do we respond to that? Because we're going to see a lot of people in this world who are very wrapped up in what their phone's presenting to them. And maybe they're not at our depth of awareness on how we handle these challenges. And I'm sure there's people that handle the challenges better than you and I at the same time, but it's not our job to go and fix other people's problems.

47:24 What we perceive as their problems. I think we have to or get to normalize Leaving people in the reality that they've chosen to be in and it's okay and we could just be an example with our own life, but we don't have to go out and fix and change and You know that's like a very great area right because you can always be like well, you know, they made their decision Right. And now you just seem like an ass. I never think the same time I would, the way I manage that is, uh, if I feel called to help them, uh, and I use that word specifically.

48:05 And if you practice that presence, it'll be more obvious and it'll be louder. Of a calling, let's just, let's just say, versus being stressed and being like, I can't handle it. And then you go and you, maybe it's not the right time. You'll probably make it worse if you're in a bad space. So you, you mentioned the whole, the algorithm, the texting, the social media, right, we have echo chambers, the algorithm creates echo chambers. Echo chambers. If you like a certain subject matter, you're going to get people that talk about it. That doesn't mean that everybody.

48:47 It's thinking like you, right? And I always joke around, create two accounts. The second count would just deliberately click on things and search things that are opposite of what your belief structure is and what you think should be done. And you'll be amazed at how many people did the exact same thing, but it was, Because of their belief structure, right? It'll just kind of break you out of that matrix. Uh, but I'll tell you what I've done. I'm curious what you've done. To manage stress or to get out of that constant waiting for the beeping and the buzzes. I keep my phone on do not disturb and silent, and I only, and I can, I have a Samsung, so I set it up for emergency contacts only can get past that.

49:37 So I don't have to worry about missing a phone call from like my wife or someone that I know needs is going to need me. That helps out a lot. And it also helps me manage my phone. So I'm not constantly looking at it. It sounds counterintuitive because if you don't know if someone texts you, you're gonna be like, I don't know, but if you plan ahead, you'll know when are the good times like you review it at certain points, obviously, but not all the time. Every time. Cause someone dinged and was that me? Was that you? Right? How do you manage the whole social media? Situation without getting crazy. Well might be crazy, I don't know Very similarly Typically on do not disturb with social media, don't allow the notifications to come through.

50:24 So I try to be intentional about when I click into it to engage with people because it's very, very stimulating. We have these minds that maybe they're like monkey minds, right? And maybe they're used to engaging with like 20 people per day. And you go on social media and it's just like thumbscroll after thumbscroll. It's just a lot happening. It can be intense. So yeah, very similarly boundaries. And. I express my boundaries to people as well in text messages when they say things or do things that I'm like, no, like this is, this is a topic for a more intentional type conversation. Not necessarily like, Hey, I'm just going to, we're going deep.

51:05 It's like, hold on, let's, let's set up time to go deep together. Yeah. I'm trying to make eggs right now and I'm not ready to talk about how the universe was created and my thoughts on it. Which is actually a good, um, I, I read this book and I'm, I need to read it again, I think it's called boundaries. Very interesting book, but it was just talking about, are you familiar with that book or is that new for you? Not the book, but I think boundaries are a superpower. Oh yeah. Yeah. Right. Superpower. I would always I don't want to say be jealous, but I would envy it a little bit. People that are very good with their boundaries.

51:46 I'll give an example of one. Let's just say, a coworker of mine, you know, like, let's say you're working at a job and your boss calls you during lunch. Do you pick up right? Right. I have been trained, unfortunately, to just always be available. So I naturally would pick up going, going against boundaries. This other guy doesn't answer the phone, text his boss. I'm on lunch. I'll call you after. And there's the boss felt humor in that because he's not used to that happening.

52:26 And he wasn't surprised that that person did that because they're really good with their boundaries. So it's, if you're consistent with it, people will write, they'll, they'll honor your boundaries, but it takes like that first time. And for me, I'm pretty sure. As I push my boundaries is going to get some pushback because he's like, what do you mean? It's me. I was like, now's not the right time, right? You're going to get pushback. has there been any time where you had to really lean on your boundaries and someone gave you pushback? And if Oh my gosh. Yes. I mean, when I started speaking openly about the, about the challenges I've been through, about my perspective and how I'm seeing things.

53:07 Oh yeah. People that I grew up with, people that, friends and family. Some very supportive, some silent, apathetic and some very, uh, testing of my boundaries and basically saying not just testing the boundaries, right? Like I think as you start raising your vibration and changing your life and improving, there are people that because of their blindness, because of their pain, they don't actually want to see it or are able to see the evolution of someone else. So they will say and do things that if boundaries aren't there, uh, can cut away at the core at our self confidence.

53:51 So for me, it's just the things like the cold plunge and the meditation, the things that allow me to feel the emotions deeper into my shadow. They allow me to shine light on that stuff. So when it comes up again, it's like, Oh, I know it. That's me. And I put boundaries around it so I can continue to know myself, not take on energy or, uh, the guidance of others who may not be looking in the same direction as me. And, yeah, continue to strengthen them as I go. But I think that's the key to this, navigating this world, is our own boundaries. It's interesting. Um, as I'm thinking it, you started talking about it, which was interesting where that cold plunge.

54:36 Helps you know your boundaries and it's like what separates you from other people and other things is that that boundary? And I know For me, it's been a challenge to understand my boundaries because I have more so Growing up, but I've treated everything as in no boundaries because I'm infinite and I can do anything. Right. And as you get older, those boundaries, are louder. And, um, I think of as, you know, like you've ever drawn a picture, right? What do you start with the boundary? The outline, because you need to know what to work with. You're going to draw a sun, you start with a circle.

55:18 You don't start with yellow and then circle around it. Right? Draw a face, right? When I learned how to draw pictures of people and specifically the Simpsons there's a certain boundary. And everybody looks the same, the simpler it gets. But as you spend more time perfecting and understanding that boundary, you notice what your differences are. And I feel like a lot of those challenges that we go through and put ourselves through those, like the best experience, uh, I guess, uh, comparison I have is when I was drawing Homer versus Bart from the Simpsons, Homer has a round head with two hairs, four hairs, exactly.

55:59 But it's all starts with that rectangular shape. That's now a cylinder at the top or a circle at the top, but then it changes when it's Bart because Bart has these little notches. Exactly. I think he's exactly nine, but it's because I spent more time and understanding, okay, it's nine. If it's eight, it's not Bart. If it's 10, it's not Bart. And it just looks weird. And those are the challenges that we put ourselves through are the things that tell us, wait, you. You're, you're not, you know, you have nine notches, so to speak. You don't have eight and that makes you more unique. And then you can appreciate that.

56:40 And then that in turn helps with your boundaries. You're like, no, no, no, no. I got nine notches, right? Or whatever. I, you know, I'm five foot four. I'm not going to be able to jump that high. I'm not going to, I'm not going to. Upset myself, right? I need to work on myself so I can dunk. I'm sorry. I'm not gonna get upset because I can't dunk and you can you're like a whole head taller than me Yeah. going to shame myself. This is What I can do right and so I appreciate the cold plunges I appreciate the running until like your knees gave up because you're like, you know what? I'm not gonna do a marathon because I know I can do three miles and that's okay because that's where you're at now So that's that's how my mind was processing as you were talking about it That's really good.

57:24 Yeah, it's like I got nine notches. I'm not better or worse than anyone because I have nine notches, but I know I have nine notches. That's just what it is. Yeah, exactly. You yeah I can go. I've tested poison ivy on myself like an idiot. I was just like, What was the purpose of the test so I was in junior high and I was trying to figure out how many notches I have, so to speak. Right. And, uh, I, I noticed that a lot of the kids around me kept on like coming back from camp with like poison oak and poison ivy.

58:05 And I'm like, I'm in boy scouts. I've gone camping. I've gone to I've gone into nature This is this has not happened to me. I need I need to know and then someone was saying Oh, yeah, a lot of hispanics They're immune to these type of things. I'm like, do I have a superpower? Like I I need a win right now And so, I found Poison Ivy in the backyard. Snatched that sucker barehanded, and I just started rubbing it. Like, I rubbed it on my face. Why would you rub it on your face? Dude, like a corner of like your arm, like, your arm doesn't have corners, but you know what I'm talking about. Like, just like a, I was just like, yeah, yeah, I'm just gonna, just, yeah, I'm amazing.

58:49 Dude. And thankfully, it was just itchy a little bit. And like, I, I guess I, my immune system is high enough. Yeah. To tolerate that stuff, but I was way too confident, way too confident. Um, and it's, I lucked out, but it's just, it's just kind of funny. Cause that would have been a really rough day, a couple of days, like really rough. So like, you know, we do stuff, but it's cool to know what you can and cannot do. And, but at the same time, everybody's going to, you know, everybody's going to make their, take their chances, you know? Yeah, let him talk, dude. Let's rub some poison ivy on her, on us, and just to see what happens.

59:31 Because, that, that's so funny, by the way. That's such, like, a kid thing. Like, a kid thought process of, like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna test this. And see if I have superpowers. But, also, yeah, it got itchy. But, like, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. So, like, there are some superpowers there in the discovery. Even though the, the premise of it. It's very funny. Right? But you, but if I didn't do that, and if I put a little bit in the corner, I probably would have done a little bit more and more, and the time period of me finding out, right, that was, I, I, I legit fucked around, and I found out in a Mm hmm. but, but, you know, some people do a little by, by little, right, you, you dip your toes in the water, and it's like a little cold, you do like, five seconds of cold, and you're like, mmm, and I think, you, to really know, just go for it, in a smart way, not on your face, Well, here, here's an example of maybe not a smart way that I just did recently.

1:00:27 Uh, so cold plunging, the first time I got in was because I was hungover. This is like a year and a half ago. So I'm like making these positive changes in my life, but like still reverting back to like some not great things, which I'm still doing, by the way. It's, it's just slowly making better decisions over time. Anyway, so I got in this really cold pool after a night of drinking and I felt great. It was like your story of like going through Like your body's like depleted and feeling really shitty and then you go through that and you're like, wow, I feel electric It feels great. So that's how I got put on to cold plunging I was living with my best friend for about two months and he didn't have a cold plunge. This is in texas So about once every week or so Maybe I would go just buy bags of ice and fill up the bathtub and do it And one day I was like, like, fuck this.

1:01:16 I'm getting my money's worth. Like I got these bags of ice. I went and got it from the gas station. It was like 45 to get, I don't know, 15 bags. Like I'm going to get my money's worth. So I decided to push it. I was doing like five minute cold plunges, maybe like 10 maybe. And I, that was my first 30 minute cold plunge that I did that day. Yeah. And I was like, and it felt great when I was in it. I was like calm and collected and like listening to music and in flow. Um, And I got out and what I wasn't expecting was the come down on the back end. So it's summertime in Texas. It was like a hundred plus degrees. I am sitting outside in the sun and I felt like I was in Antarctica and no one else was home.

1:01:58 And I was on the verge of like a panic attack. And I was like, did I just do like the dumbest thing? Ever, you know, like that was so stupid and it took me about 20 minutes to like, just focus on my breath. Like I had the intrusive thoughts of like, maybe I should call someone, like maybe I should call for help right now. Cause I don't know if I'm actually okay, but I settled down and it was fine and now I do 30 minute cold plunges. Like no problem. 45 minute cold plunges. Like no problem. Because I know that I've been there. right. So it's just a con, it's just the confidence of the body knows what, what to do. The body, The body can overcome our, uh, monkey mind's decision to rub poison ivy on ourselves.

1:02:42 Just by, you know, you just gotta trust it. And sometimes we take it a little bit too far, but that's okay. my God. Well, yeah, you survived. And, uh, those intrusive thoughts, you know, my thing I'm working on is not giving into those intrusive thoughts where I would add, I will call somebody and ask about something very simple and, and find out that like, I could have figured out myself. And that's one of those things where if you give into those intrusive thoughts, you, people will lose patience with you for sure. It'll take a little bit longer for them to pick up the phone. Maybe on like the fourth ring, it'll take a couple of hours before you get a text back. And I had to learn the hard way.

1:03:24 And if you're, uh, if you remember the AOL, it's the messenger days, right? I remember texting people and then I would hear the door slam because that means they left the chat. Yes. So it's like, it was, and then I would learn how, how people can ghost each other. Oh man, if you don't know about AOL instant messenger, find a video and, and just learn how that, that world was like, because you can pretend like you're not available. Meanwhile, you are, and you can choose who sees you, who's not. And it was just funny. I'm like, wow, I guess no one's on today. But it could be just a lot of people hiding. With it. So if you give into those intrusive thoughts, you'll start to see people, you pushing people away because you, you give, You turn into that needy person and doing these things where you just go for it.

1:04:15 Right? Like you did 30 minutes of cold plunging. You're like, I'm just going to sit with this. Could have been, could have been risky. You could have passed down. It could have been a bad situation. But it's one of those, like. I think and you tell me if I'm wrong as each time you do those each time you push yourself to the limit you're going to Gain more confidence in your capacity to deal with the unknown that leap of faith Yes, totally agree. Totally agree. my two minutes. I'm like Not enough, man And this is why the comparison Yeah, yeah exactly either comparing our successes and triumphs, or comparing our, uh, challenges, our shame, like, doesn't actually benefit anyone.

1:05:03 And not to go too far into this one, but I think this is where veterans struggle, is because in the military we were trained to compare ourselves to others so quickly. Because we had to, we had to know who we could trust, and Who, uh, maybe was a weaker link in the unit when going, training for and going to war. Yet, like, it also can lead to this challenge where we, like, we don't, we feel like we don't rate our own pain. We don't rate our own discomfort because I haven't seen as much combat as that guy or I haven't done this and, like, that too can be very detrimental. Yes, there's a phrase for that and I forgot it, but it's, it's essentially, yeah, like don't compare your day two with their day 30.

1:05:50 Right. Yeah, yeah. face value at that, at that point. So, wow. we are all on different versions of our day 30 and day 2 in different areas of our lives. You know what I was, what I was thinking though, as you were talking about AOL Instant Messenger, if I can go back to that one. One, what an awesome time. Two, it's incredible that the internet was invented not that long ago, right? Like I think it was like physicists at CERN in 1989 invented it to share information amongst themselves. And then not even 10 years later, we are in chat rooms and like, like for me, like middle schoolers in chat rooms with like the away messages and getting on there after school to jump in and like talk to my friends.

1:06:33 And now it's just connecting with us and allowing us to share information in ways that is so intense. And this is only what, 35, 34 years. So that's why, like, yeah, let's, let's use this to our advantage. Let's be joyful. Let's see how valuable it is that we can order Uber Eats and we get any food we want delivered. And then let's also put the phone down and enjoy the meal with those at the table. Yeah. New challenges, new ways of managing. Yourself as we progress, and this conversation can completely change in the future as our lives change with web three, a I being more and more integrated.

1:07:24 So lots of really good topics, lots of really cool wormholes. Is there anything any, I guess we've been chatting for a little bit, but is there something that was in the back of your mind where you wanted to make sure you got out before we finished today? I'm so curious in what web three is. Maybe we don't have time for that today, but I would love to learn. All right. All that's, web three is, is the crypto internet Oh, we're currently using web two, but it's because of going into web three, where you're using a completely different platform that we started to kind of reflect on, Oh, well, we're technically web two and web one, I believe was when the internet was like the wild, wild west, and there was no filters.

1:08:11 now there's a lot of filters because only a few companies host the internet. And so we're all borrowing space. We're all renting space. No one owns their quote unquote home. Everybody has to rent space. So web three is kind of like you own a house, which is your site, and you don't pay for. Taxes, Oh, how do I get on right? Um, so you just less renting more owning so to speak you own your information. Hmm. The the simplest way there's so much more to it, but web3 is I think, yeah, yeah, I guess that's, that's a, that's a couple of episodes right there.

1:08:56 yeah, it's getting interesting. We got a new world ahead of us. Things are moving a lot faster, but I think a lot of the things that we spoke about will help us manage it between, like you said, nature, being more present, jumping into that cold water, those leaps of faith. speaking of leaps of faith, speaking of being present, you're a presence. If anybody's looking to connect with you and say, Hey, you know what? I like what TJ is saying. I want to connect with him. What's the best way for people to connect with you? LinkedIn and Instagram, right now. Just connect there and I post occasionally. Easy. easy. Easy, just connect with me there.

1:09:37 Well, I've, I had a blast. I did not expect this to go. I think we're like an hour and 10 minutes in. This is pretty cool. yeah, man, thanks for coming on. I enjoyed myself. I hope you enjoyed yourself, man. Totally, my friend. Thank you for having me on, John. It was awesome.