Why Professional Matchmakers Lose Clients Before the First Call

0:00 Your host is Arlene Washburn, an award-winning ethical matchmaking advocate, mentor, and industry innovator. Let's dive in. Hello everyone, and welcome back to the Matchmaker Mentor Podcast, the show for aspiring and experienced matchmakers who want to grow ethical, sustainable, and profitable businesses. I'm your host, Arlene Washburn, founder of the Love Pro Mastermind Academy, managing director of the Worldwide Referral Network, and ethical matchmaking advocate at the International Matchmaking Compliance Board, or IMCB, where we're setting the standards for safer, more transparent matchmaking industry. Today's episode hits close to home because I've made some of these mistakes myself, and we're talking about why professional matchmakers lose clients before the first call. And here's the truth.

0:56 It's not always your pricing or your process that's causing you to lose business. It's actually a little bit more nuanced, and it's a look of unpreparedness and untrustworthiness that some people may not realize about themselves and how their business is portrayed. So I'll share some real examples, legal pitfalls, and a few vulnerable moments of my own journey. Because every one of these mishaps is flexible and fixable once you learn to see how your business looks from a client's perspective. So first impressions, they don't happen in the discovery call. They actually happened way before then through a Google search.

1:44 And then someone finds you and we'll talk about all the things they might find about you that might make you look unprofessional. They reach out and you send them an e-mail. And guess what? If your e-mail ends in a Gmail, Yahoo, or Hotmail, what does it really say about you that this is your side hustle or that you're not really a professional firm? It's really important. And I know this is nuanced because when I started my business, I had a Gmail account. I had my company name LLC with a Gmail. And then it dawned on me that when you get scam emails from, you know, which is the norm now, every day you wake up to two or three scam phishing emails or or spam, they usually have no domain. So a way to distinguish yourself and make yourself look professional is to have your domain on your e-mail. So Arlene at IMC board org so that if somebody receives something from me, they can look at the domain, go to that website and find information.

2:54 This is something that a lot of people don't think about. And I'm seeing a lot of professionals do this. But nowadays those little things are starting to matter because often when you find a scam e-mail in your inbox, it's coming from a generic name. So I learned the hard way early in my business and I lost leads because I, I wasn't really even redirecting once that AV Connections LLC at Gmail was read, you know, I started a new one with my domain. I forgot to redirect it to my new one. So it's really important that if you are currently using these endings like Gmail, Yahoo, whatever, and not your domain, fix it. Get yourself a new e-mail, which is very inexpensive. It can be done through Google Workspace or you can do it through your host and then forward the existing e-mail over to there and start redirecting people so that they see a level of professionalism.

3:56 Another area that I had issues with, and most people will encounter this and that is broken outdated links on your website. So your book now button that goes nowhere or an expired calendar link that signals chaos and clients think, well, if they can't manage their own systems, can they manage my love life? Audit your links on a monthly basis, set reminders and click every button on your website like a potential client. And in fact, I learned the hard way as I was growing my business when I was in matchmaking.

4:37 And that is to test things before I push them out. And it's still a lesson that I have to learn every day because occasionally things get done quickly. Another area that I want to get into is missing legal pages. For example, a privacy policy is a page on your website that tells anyone who is submitting information to you what you do and how you handle their data. And in today's today's age, everything is about cybersecurity. This is not just a nice to have, it's actually a requirement.

5:17 Last night a colleague of mine sent me a text about something and I checked a person's website, someone who's pretty well known out there, who's probably been, you know, who has been on shows and whatnot. They didn't have a privacy policy. And these these individuals are collecting highly sensitive information that you have to protect. And as a business, you can get yourself into a lot of trouble if you're not following all of the different privacy laws. But at the very least get a privacy policy on your website that tells everybody what you're doing with their data, how you're storing it, etcetera.

5:58 You know, as I said, matchmakers handle extremely personal information and clients want to know you're protecting it. And at the IMCB, data protection and transparency are part of ethical compliance. So if your site lacks a privacy policy, it's more than sloppy, it's a legal red flag. The next thing I want to mention is you should be looking at your digital footprint because that's what clients see before they ever get on a call. So people will Google you and they'll look at your website, your social media, your reviews and even who who you follow and things like that.

6:43 So it's really important that what you put out there really reflects who you are and your business. And if you have open social media profiles that are that are personal, because I know sometimes people have personal social media and then some and then they also have business ones. If you have a personal 1, you have to keep it private and closed if you don't want people to read about your life and all the things, all the goings on, because those things then will impact a buyer's decision. One thing that I see often in matchmakers websites are the as seen on, on or in or whatever. And if you have, if you're showcasing CNN, Forbes, Oprah, Oprah's logo, but you can't link to the actual feature, that's deceptive marketing.

7:40 And in this country, the US, although we are a global organization and I will say that when I talk about the Federal Trade Commission, these regulations exist pretty much worldwide. False or misleading representation will get you into trouble. There are regulations against these things and these organizations are going after that type of behaviour. So it's really important that if you are really featured in something, there's usually a link that you can link to that from that logo over to the actual thing that that was done that actually featured you. Because if people find you and they look for something about you on CNN and it's just like a sentence or some press release that you paid for, that's really deceptive and misleading and will keep someone from pursuing, you know, a relationship, a business relationship with you.

8:46 The other thing that I see that's very common because often daters will ask matchmakers about their success rate. And I think I've said this many times on the show. If not, people have heard me on social media and different conversations that that's not the right question to ask because a matchmaker's success, if you're looking at it as in getting you into a relationship that's entirely into onto the, you know, in the hands of the individual, a matchmaker's job is to vet the matches that are going to be introduced to you and to make sure that they align with the agreed upon criteria that you've discussed with your matchmaker.

9:30 That's the service that you pay for. They're not responsible for ensuring that that relationship is successful and leads to marriage and all of that. That's entirely on you. And just recently I heard a celebrity who is pretty well known and pretty well known for being very high on the neurotic scale. And I don't say that to be disparaging or mean, you know, there's the five different levels that are judged by, you know, or that that are used in the psychology world. And, you know, there's a range like agreeableness, neuroticism, this person is very neurotic. So a person like that is likely going to have a hard time entering into a relationship and sustaining 1. And their life has played out in the public eye and they've gone from relationship to relationship. And they're probably a bit of a saboteur. And they were carrying on and on about how, you know, they've worked with matchmakers and it doesn't work and all this. And that's BS.

10:35 You can say it doesn't work if the matchmaker is not providing you with the right type of matches that you've agreed upon, but if the relationship works or not, that's on you. So back to the success rate. I personally, if I were a dater, if I went to a matchmaker's website and I saw 85% success rate, I would run for the hills because it's usually misleading. It's usually false. And if you have those things on your website, and I'm talking to you, matchmakers that have this, you need to have a log in your office that shows every entry of every person that you are considering in this percentage.

11:20 And then on your website, you need to explain what this means. 85% of what? 85% of our clients come to us and end up in a relationship. What is the what? What does a relationship constitute? 3 months? Six months? It's usually BS. And I will tell you that consumer protection agencies around the world agree on this point, that in in the US Federal Trade Commission, the UK Advertising Standard Authority, in Canada, the Competition Bureau in Australia, the ACC under the Australian Consumer Law in the European Union, the Unfair Commercial Practice Directive, it applies to everyone.

12:04 All of these agents prohibit businesses from making factual or or statistical claims without substantiation. And it doesn't just end in success rates. There's a lot of things that I see over the years and I think what happens is a new matchmaker comes into the industry and they start looking at other people's websites and start emulating certain copy that they have on there. When even the old school, and I'm, and I really mean old school matchmakers who have been in it for 20 years have a lot of violations on their websites. And for years we've gotten away with this because nobody's been paying attention.

12:45 However, this industry has changed. This industry has become very mainstream and we're trying to professionalize it and therefore you need to to act accordingly. So one of the areas that is is kind of my pet peeve is phrases like I'm the number one global matchmaker or I'm America's top matchmaker, or I'm A Celebrity matchmaker. It may sound impressive, but unless they're backed by legitimate recognition, they can cross into false advertising under consumer protection laws worldwide. So what happens in that case? What if I'm a matchmaker and you're a matchmaker down the street and you have a claim on your website that you're the number one global matchmaker?

13:33 So someone who's exploring working with me or working with you sees us kind of at the same level, sort of providing similar service and maybe even the same dollar amount was quoted. If that person goes to the global matchmaker because of that title, I in America have an option to sue my competitor and it's under the Lanham Act, which in the US let's companies sue for false or misleading statements that cause commercial harm. So in other words, you're getting an unfair advantage because you have a claim about yourself and your organization. And typically those claims are legit. When you've been voted or awarded something where you have a prominent media claiming something about you, and then that kind of changes things.

14:31 But for you to just proclaim that you are this or that, that doesn't work. And puffery like trusted by professional matchmakers is fine because that's a little bit more subjective. But once you rank yourself number one top most sought after, you're making a factual claim and you must be able to prove it. Now, I'm not a lawyer. I'm interpreting the law and this is what we do at the IMCB. So please check with your own jurisdiction and speak to your lawyers and get confirmation on this. But I'm here to support the matchmaking industry and I know that some of this goes on because people are not aware of what might be impacting their behavior in terms of breaking laws or doing things that are on the edge. And I just, that's why I'm talking about it. I want to make sure that you're aware because when you know better, you do better.

15:30 And we're here to protect the daters so that they can make informed decisions. Another thing that is that will ruin your credibility, even if you're the best matchmaker in the world, is if you have a DIY website with like that's cluttered and has a poor flow and you know, with a bunch of different fonts and it's unclear And the calls to actions are chaotic when I when I mean, a call to action is like, you know, click here to do this or, you know, sign up for this. And it's just all over the place and your site like overwhelms your visitors. That's, you know, they just they bounce and they assume that your process is equally cluttered.

16:17 So a website is not going to gain customers for you, but it will deter people from signing up to work with you. So it's really important to take go back and look at these things, especially if you've been in business for a long time, because nothing in your business can you can't set it and forget it. Anything that you do, you have to be looking at periodically add it to your calendar as a task for yourself or someone on your team, if you have one. And you know, once a month, have somebody go click all the buttons and make sure everything's working. You know, if you have a website that has plugins, sometimes things stop working. And the worst part is if your SSL, which shows the world that you have a level of security on your website that when you when you see HTTPS colon forward slash slash, that's a level of security.

17:10 And when that goes away and somebody pops into your website, they'll get an error message, especially if they have, you know, like an antivirus software and it'll say, don't proceed. This is unsafe. And as it is, we're still dealing with people thinking that matchmaking is somewhat esoteric. So that's why this is important for you as a practitioner, as a professional, and to elevate our industry to make sure that you're staying on top of these things. Another really unprofessional part, and this is one that I can be guilty of and I work on often because even when you hire people to do your social media, it's hard because your voice is what you want out there.

17:54 So you can't just hand it over to someone. But you have to play a role because if your Last Post was in 2024 and here we're at the tail end of 2025, clients are going to assume that you're not in business, you're not active, or if your profile has like political arguments and rants and memes and just like things that are very unprofessional when you own a business, you have to be mindful of these things. You have to shift how you think. Even for myself personally, I post things about my relationship, but I'm in the relationship space, so I'm very mindful of what I'm posting. If you do a rant, it needs to be a rant that is relevant to business that people can relate to. I just think there needs to be some strategy in what you post because now you're a business and you're not a separate entity from your business to some extent because you're representing it.

18:55 So online behavior is really, really important, especially these days because people get that. What do they call it? The keyboard courage. And you have to be careful if you want to protect your brand. OK. So another area that I find very, very challenging. And I know these things not because I'm currently a matchmaker, but I've lived through many of these and I also have students where I hear things and what they're doing. And I've been the complaint department for the industry for many years. So when you have no clear criteria for accepting clients, now there are people who work for these big national companies and a lot of the big national companies, first of all, they have the resources to support a much bigger audience, or I shouldn't say our audience, but they they have a much bigger database and resources to support most people.

19:57 Sometimes there are some people that should not be taken as as clients if you know you're not going to be able to work with them when you leave a company like that and now you start your own boutique business. You have to have a criteria for who you take on as a client because you have limited resources. And even if you have the mindset that you can help everyone, that's not going to be aligned to reality because your database is going to be limited to a smaller percentage of people. Maybe there's a certain type of individual. And so when you get a client, you may not be able to help them even if you want to. And so if it concerns me if I hear boutique companies saying that they can just take anybody because truthfully, if I were going to going to be a client of someone, I would like to know that that matchmaker has a criteria for who she accepts as a client. And also it, it signals to me that they're, they're going to do a great job of vetting the matches because if they'll take anybody, then they'll maybe match you with any anyone. And I'm not saying that's the truth, but I think from a perspective, from a perception that could be the case. So having a clear intake policy is IMC BS recommendation for best practices.

21:23 It should, it should really outline who you serve, what you offer, and what makes someone eligible to be or to obtain service from you. Doesn't mean that you say no, go find somebody else. No, in our industry, many of the modern matchmakers are very collaborative. So when someone comes to you and you know that you don't have the database to support them, it's not about, you know, you know, basically you don't want to discriminate. But if you know that your database can't support that individual, then you can refer them out. So whether it's, you know, if you don't have a lot of people with a certain religion or perhaps a certain ethnicity that they're looking for or maybe is a sexual preference, all of those things, It's not that you're, you know, discriminating is that if you take the money from this person, now you have to fulfill that contract. And I think someone would appreciate you saying, look, I'm not going to take your money because I know I don't have the right matches for you.

22:28 But I have a colleague that I trust that I want to introduce to you. And if you feel comfortable, maybe you can work with them. And that is the right thing to do. Do not take every client. They will keep you up at night stressed out about Oh my God who am I going to introduce to this person and it you'll ruin your business, you ruin your reputation and your Peace of Mind. With that said, also this desperate sales energy. So you finally get on a call with someone. They finally got past all the other stuff and decide that they want to talk to you. And now you jump into a call and you want to close them on the first call. Well, first of all, I think that as a practitioner, you should take a pause to evaluate whether you can truly help this person. And that sometimes may take you 24 to 48 hours to go back and look at, OK, what's the recruitment strategy? What are the things that we need to do? What do we have in our database, who's available? And then come back to someone or maybe they need time to process the decision without a lot of pressure. Because I think when you start pressuring your client, first of all, I find that to be unethical. Are these, you know, fast action discounts and all this stuff? I know there's a lot of tactics in the sales realm. I've been in sales my whole life and I've sold small packages, 7500 dollars, $500 to $1.6

23:58 million. So trust me, I know sales, I've been in sales my whole life. I just don't agree with that type of sales process. Any matchmaking that I ever sold took steps and my clients follow those steps and in and in my opinion them following along led me to believe that these were going to be good clients that were going to follow a process because all matchmakers hopefully have a process. So really, I think if you have a consultation with someone, you know, you have an initial call to sort of assess if this is the right person. You have a consultation and you say, look, I'll review everything we've discussed and confirm within 48 hours if this is the right fit.

24:44 I'll come back with a proposal when people are plopping down at a minimum 10 grand because I don't know what's out there, but everything I see is 10205075, a $150,000 to work with a matchmaker for six months. That's a consideration that you need to take. And by the way, if you're in the US, you're no longer in the small claims court, right? So you want to be very mindful and self aware about what you can and cannot do when you take on a client. Look, here's the bottom line. Professional professionalism protects everyone. It protects your clients, your brand and the industry as a whole.

25:28 You know when clients see, you know, a lack of privacy policy, when you're not honest in your marketing, when you don't have a clear criteria for the kind of clients you're going to take. And if you're not professional or respectful in your communications and have a strong ethical compass in a, in an industry that's all about trust, people are trusting you to guard their data, their information, their most vulnerable parts of themselves. If they cannot trust you, you're going to lose business and you're going to lose your reputation. And then like some matchmaking companies I've seen, they close up shop and then they open up with a new name. And this is the kind of stuff that we want to clean up in the International matchmaking Compliance board because what we represent is really raising the standard for professional matchmaking globally through ethics, compliance, and education.

26:31 I didn't get too much into the education piece because I want to have a whole episode on education because everyone should be getting continuing education and should start out before they even jump into matchmaking with the right training. So I want to close this by saying that matchmakers lose clients before the first call when they look unprepared online and look unprofessional online. Make exaggerated and unverified claims, ignore privacy and compliance requirements, display unprofessional online behavior, lack clear intake criteria, and pressure people into sales and before doing any proper vetting. And yes, I've made some of these mistakes myself, But awareness is the turning point.

27:22 And if you're ready to elevate your business, please visit us at lovefromastermind.com to explore programs that genuinely help you grow ethically and sustainably. And of course, if you'd like your company to be recognized as an accredited and compliant company, we've just opened up the door. We're now onboarding Advisory Council individuals who are all professional matchmakers that will go through the process of the accreditation, which is a very arduous process where they have to submit all of their information, all of their documents, and create standard operating procedures and a lot of things to ensure that at the time of their accreditation, they are operating ethically and complying with the regulations in their jurisdictions and where their clients are and where they promote themselves.

28:17 And of course, if you're a dater seeking a vetted professional visit, oh, going back the, the accreditation is at the imcboard.org and more on that pretty soon that whole website is going through a whole revamp. The daters that are seeking vetted, professional ethical matchmakers can go to the worldwide Referral Network at wwrnetwork.com. That is a clearing house for ethical matchmakers. You're looking to hire someone. You don't know where to begin. Come to us. We'll find someone for you and you pay them directly. You're not paying us for any of that. So please, please share this episode if you are a matchmaker, share it with your fellow matchmaker. If you've seen stuff on a colleague's website that is going to get them into trouble eventually, if it hasn't already happened, do them a favor, send them this episode because we're all about coming together, professionalizing what we're doing, and really adhering to the ethical standards and the compliance of the regulations in the jurisdictions where you operate.

29:30 This is not, you know, pointing the finger and it's not about disparaging anyone. This is really about helping professionalize this industry once and for all so that vendor partners will work with us without hesitation and not be concerned about, you know, finding out that you're a matchmaker and kicking you off of their platform. So here's the truth. Every single item we discussed today is fixable. Most cost less than $100. Some are completely free to fix. But here's what's not fixable. Losing a dream client because they googled you and found amateur hour. Professionalism isn't about being corporate or stuffy. It's about respecting your clients enough to show as to show up as a legitimate business owner. It's about protecting the industry by setting standards for yourself, your staff, and that includes any of your independent contractor.

30:36 And it's about attracting the caliber of client who will pay premium fees because they can see you are worth it. So please take these as an action item. Go ahead and Google yourself right now and fix what looks unprofessional. And as a matter of fact, set up a Google alert about your name, your company, anything. Because when something gets posted about your company, an alert will come into your e-mail and you'll immediately know to address it. And sometimes people will put some crazy comments online that may or may not be about you. If your name sounds like somebody else's name, who's in the industry? One thing I failed to mention, aside from using unprofessional emails with that ending of Gmail, Yahoo and all of that, not having your domain sending random emails that are spammy or you know, some kind of marketing e-mail without the ability for someone to unsubscribe.

31:37 And frankly, if you're sending to Canadians, that's worse over there because you have, they have to subscribe to your newsletter before you can start emailing them. So know that every state in the US for the most part has different jurisdictions and different regulations, but also different countries have different regulations. Australia also has different states that have different regulations. So be aware as a professional where you work, where you market yourself, where you have clients and abide by those laws. Are you going to end up in situations that I've seen recently online? We'll get into that and you can go back and look at the episode with Peter Namias, who is part of the IMCB, and we talked a lot about the different regulations and the things that are happening right now in terms of what's in the news.

32:30 And then check your e-mail marketing. Make sure you're, you know, using can spam compliant e-mail like MailChimp or whatever. I don't, you know, I'm not endorsing anything. I'm just saying find one that works. Audit your consultation process. Is it seamless? Is it professional? Review your credentials too, or how you're portraying yourself out there in terms of what you're calling yourself. If you're the number one global matchmaker, well, hell, where is that coming from? Find out who named you that because if you named yourself that, a competitor can sue you if you're they're losing business because of you and because of that designation that you gave yourself.

33:12 And please get yourself accredited because all it's going to do is help you run a tighter business that's compliant, ethical, and following regulations. I can't guarantee that because you still have autonomy and agency, but at the very least at the time of the accreditation, we're looking at everything and none of us are matchmakers. None of us are competitors. So you're not getting accredited by your fellow matchmaker. You're getting accredited by an organization that's run by professionals, attorneys, people who have backgrounds in the law and also, you know, investigations and so forth. So it's, it's a very different type of thing. So yeah, build your credibility in your matchmaking business by doing the things that a professional does because what you do out there and how you're perceived, even if you're a great matchmaker, that all gets, you know, you just ruin everything by not portraying yourself in the way that you actually run your business or the way you operate as a good matchmaker.

34:22 And pretty much that's what I wanted to share with you today. So TuneIn, next time I want to get into a different topic about some of what we covered here, I'm going to drill down because some of these things can be like a whole episode. But I wanted to share this with you today. And I hope this is helpful and I hope you will share this. And please follow us on YouTube. We're trying to grow that Channel. Our YouTube channel is going to have a lot more educational content for aspiring and experienced matchmakers. Soon we're going to be posting all of the recordings from the Road to Romance with some of the top matchmakers in the country. Super excited about that.

35:03 We're going to post that in the YouTube channel. There's a lot of content going there and playlist that you're going to want to hear. So please go over to the Matchmaker Mentor podcast on YouTube. Support us there. We're trying to get to 1000. If you could just get us to 1000 right now, we'll be so, so grateful. And again, thank you so much for listening and for adhering to some of these things, and I wish you much success. And of course, we love the datas. We want to make sure they're protected. So happy connecting and happy matchmaking. Thank you before we. Wrap up. Just a quick note, the information we share on this podcast is for educational purposes only. It's not legal advice.

35:49 Laws about advertising, consumer protection and business practices differ from country to country, so make sure you understand the rules where you operate. In the US, that means following the Federal Trade Commission's guidelines. In the UK, it's the Advertising Standards Authority. Canada has the Competition Bureau, Australia has the ACCC, and across the European Union, the Unfair Commercial Practices Directive applies. The International Matchmaking Compliance Board, or IMCB, provides ethical standards and best practice guidance for matchmakers worldwide, but we don't offer legal representation. So if you need legal advice about your specific business or jurisdiction, please consult A qualified attorney. Thank you for.

36:38 Tuning into the Matchmaker Mentor podcast? If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with fellow matchmakers and friends. For more. Resources, training, and inspiration. Visit lovepromastermind.com and follow us on social media. Remember, matchmaking isn't just a career, it's a calling. Let's keep building connections, changing lives, and growing together. Until next time, stay inspired and keep matching.