How Manifestation and Self-Worth Impact Love and Matchmaking

0:10 Welcome to the Matchmaker Mentor Podcast, the show where aspiring and experienced matchmakers come to sharpen their skills, grow their businesses, and elevate the matchmaking industry. Your host is Arlene Washburn, an award-winning ethical matchmaking advocate, mentor, and industry innovator. Let's dive in. Suzanne, welcome to the Matchmaker Mentor Podcast. I am so thrilled to have you here. And before we dive in, can you share a little bit about your journey and what inspired you to transition from teaching to becoming a Life Design and Manifestation coach? Well, thank you for having me, Arlene. I'm excited to be here and that transformation, it was an interesting one, but honestly, it came right from the heart. And it took a little bit to discover it, but there was something I was trying to do in the classroom that wasn't happening and it was reaching out and and letting each human being know that they are worthy, that they deserve the space, the air, the time.

1:17 And that was rough in a classroom. And, you know, honestly, moving into coaching has allowed me to transition to working one-on-one with fellow human beings who are looking for more in their life. And very honestly, they are looking to discover who they are, but they're not so sure about their worthiness. And so when I can step in and reassure them and guide them, wow, what a change. So that transformation had to happen. It was happening in an entrepreneurial way while I was a teacher and I realized, you know what, I need to do this more full time. So that shift just happened. It was great. I love that, and I love when you talk about worthiness because it's often the thing that gets in the way of just about everything.

2:05 And being someone who's been in the matchmaking world, I don't do it anymore. But just when I was coaching daters and working with clients, the worthiness piece is something that people ignore. They don't have a thing because they really don't feel worthy of it and so they repel it in some way. And I'm so excited to talk to you about manifestation because I often am very much a science based person, but people don't realize that this is part of the science of human relationships and that manifesting, at least what it is for me, is there's a lot of science behind this.

2:48 So I'm curious, what is your definition of manifestation? Manifestation for me is bringing what you would love closer to you at a rate that you're happy with. A lot of us can think about something that we would love and it's so far away we can't imagine it. We don't even feel ourselves worthy of deserving it. And we might even put that thought away, but it's in reality, it's seeing ourselves there. It's not, it's not pretending. It's it's being that person for whom that future, that reality maybe in the dating world, that having that partner, that that is true. And we are living and feeling and acting as if that were true because that vibration brings to us what we're looking for.

3:36 So manifestation is truly that that allowing the creation of what we're looking for. We are Co creators so it allows us to put out a vibration to bring to us what we would really want instead of what we don't want. Which is frequently a trap, especially people in the dating world can land in. Yeah. So when you say Co creating, so essentially, because you know, there's a lot of woo woo out there, which a lot some of it is true, true, as my colleague Dr. Asia would say, you know, woo woo, That's true, true. But also when I think about manifestation is is a visioning of and allowing yourself even to vision, because a lot of people with that feeling of unworthiness, then they won't even allow themselves to vision something. So I'm a big, I'm looking at my vision board right now, for example, I'm a big believer of looking at your vision and putting it in a place where you actually can view it as often as possible to create a path in your brain scientifically that you know, where you know what you want. And when the opportunities arise, you can actually seize those opportunities because you've primed yourself to get there.

4:54 And to me, that's what manifestation is all about is actually spending that time and figuring out what you want and creating a vision for it. And then talking about the vibrational space as well is maintaining an energy of gratitude and acceptance and, and worthiness to allow it in, because otherwise we tend to repel it. It's like, I don't know if I'm Cape, you know? And that doubt that we often have, right, especially when we have these audacious desires and things like that. I love that you're talking about a vision board and that is such everyone gets what a vision board is.

5:36 I don't ever have to explain that. But I have worked with people who don't feel brave enough to put anything on a vision board, whether based on past failures or that lack of worthiness. And so starting with recognizing that we are all one, whether you believe in God's source universe, it's irrelevant. We are all one. And much like I always think of a starfish, and I know that's crazy, but a starfish if the if the planet, if the earth, if the universe were a starfish and the starfish lost one of its rays. They're called, they used to call them arms, but I've learned it's a ray that it wouldn't think, well, you know, I guess we're good with four. I'm not going to grow it back.

6:19 I mean, it, it grows it back. It would never say, well, you know, ray #2 you're not good enough. I'm not going to give you as much of this or as much of that. Our universe is plentiful. It is abundant. There is enough of everything for everyone within it, despite what movies and reality may be teaching us. And so for us to recognize who we are, that we are one, that we are as deserving as the people next to us, that person who has it all, as well as that person who has very little, we all have that same level of worthiness. That is a first step. And so once we can get there, that's when we can truly start to build that vision and shift some of those feelings and bring what we're looking for. But that that step of worthiness, that can be an interesting one to take clients through. Oh.

7:11 My gosh, yeah. I'm curious what you do as far as that is concerned because while I'm essentially a business coach for matchmakers and you know, often when they start training or learning about the craft, the. There's a lot of things about worthiness and money, money, noise, not feeling worthy of the fee that they're getting paid, even though you're working really hard. Because let me tell you, the industry that the professional matchmakers work very hard. I don't think people recognize when you imagine that someone's gone through their whole life and they reached the age of 303540, even in their 50s or 60s, and they have not found the ideal partner for themselves.

8:01 And then they're paying someone to go out and find that it is a lot of work. It's not just going through a database, It's beyond that. And I find sometimes that they, you know, when it comes to sales, if it's an independent person who's running a business that they, they have a hard time with that. And again, I think that gets back to the worthiness aspect of it and this the mindset, which is a huge thing in anything that you do. Yes, yes, I agree that back to the worthiness, absolutely. And I think a, a big step in working with a matchmaker would be believing that I deserve the money, the time, the resources, all of that. One of the things that I do to help people build that that inner sense of worth is I do help them work on their values. And I do that because our values are always playing within us, but we may not know that that's happening. So when you and I watch a feel good movie, if I asked you what the title of your favorite feel good movie was, what is it by the way?

9:15 Baby boom. I don't know why, it's one of my favorite movies. Very, very old. Mine is Love Actually. And we all have our own and there's a different scene within each one. So you and I may even have the same movie, but we would have a different scene. And I, and I ask you that because somewhere within me, within my value system, within who I am, I know maybe if it's subconsciously what is important to me. And when I am experiencing life, listening to a book, watching a movie, like I just said, I will come across scenes that feel very good to me. And when that's happening, one of my values has been touched on and respected, highlighted or lifted up in that scene or that experience. And if there's an experience or a scene or a movie or something in our lives that just rattles us to the core, one of our values has not been respected, right? And it's been trumped on perhaps. And, and people can start to discover who they are by paying attention to those moments and asking themselves what what do I believe?

10:24 Obviously there's something in here that means something to me. And, and I mean, I always laugh because my feel good movie is, you know, it's always some sort of romantic whatever. And my husband's very good with those. But I always tease him. I'm sure you'd rather watch all these aliens killing each other, But you know, he has a value of adventure and that plays out in those movies. And I don't have that same value. So it doesn't. And that that's just noticing our difference. But notice when I talked about my husband values, his values about adventure, Mine aren't the same, and he's still wonderful. I still love him. That's how our values can make us strong.

11:07 So as much as I can lean in and go, that movie's amazing. And maybe, maybe I'll get brave one day and search through for something. Maybe it's the integrity of the character. Maybe it was their honesty, maybe it was their work ethic, maybe it was their tenacity. Who knows when I know what that is, that's awesome. But that also makes me stronger because when I know I'm tenacious and I see someone who isn't, that's OK. It's just not me. And I start to back away from judgement. I'm in. I'm in an area where I'm strong in who I am. And when I back away from judgement, it's not just of others, it's also of myself. And so that's an important step. I love that you're doing work in in that area of values, because what I encountered when I was a dating coach was that people often didn't know what it meant, what their values were.

11:57 They didn't even know what their values were. And we would put them through an exercise of figuring that out so that they can, you know, basically have a language to be able to speak to what, what's important to them. Because in the world of dating and relationships, even though opposites attract, they don't last. And often they need alignment. And one of the areas where you need alignment is in your value system. They have to sort of align. And it's not to say that they have to be exactly the same, but it's really important to have that level of alignment because then as you said, things are going to be touching your nerves or your values in a, in a way that's going to disrupt the relationship over and over again. Because people tend to kind of, you know, have those things for the, for the long haul.

12:48 I mean, you know, and a lot of things are not permanent. I'm not trying to say that values are because we often get those from when we're younger and all of that. And, and we could always re evaluate if you're, if you have that growth mindset, but it's really, really interesting that you're doing work with values that I think that's such an important thing. And even in the business world that we talk about vision, your vision and your mission. It it usually has to do with your values. And then it helps you in decision making because when you know what your values are, when you make a decision, you check in with that, whatever it is, integrity, whether it's, you know, adventure, all of those. Is it does it connect with this?

13:33 OK, then yes, it's a yes for me. It doesn't connect with it it, it's a no. And I think if people only understood the the value of values, all right, it's a real blueprint that can help you navigate life so much easier when you are attuned or attuned to what that is. So true, yes, values. It's one of the it's, I call it the trifecta when it comes to living that life that's energizing and that we really want to live it. We, we need our passion because our passion ignites our fire. It gives us motivation. We need our purpose that gives us direction, right? Gives direction to our passion.

14:15 So we're not just like excited all over the place. We know what we're doing, but our values act as the guidepost for the actions in our life. And you're right, knowing our values makes decisions really simple. If I value family, if I value maybe nature and and spending time there and someone asked me if I want to go hang out at the club with a bunch of work friends, My decision's really simple. But if I don't know my values, I could be called by the well, I should be nice. I you know, I should and I could wiggle waggle. But when I do know, I can say, hey, that sounds like so much fun. I would love to hang out with you guys. But my thing is to do this If you want to join me, absolutely. And and it allows me to remain who I am, to still engage with people, to still respect them for who they are, but to stand strong.

15:04 And that if I can backtrack to what you said about opposites attract for a second, people do talk about opposites attracting and they're right. But we're not looking for that at the values based level. In other words, if I'm a seller, I'm looking for a buyer. I'm not looking to attract another seller, right? So we do need opposites to become attracted to each other, to, to, to serve each other. But deep down, if I value adventure and travel and being out in nature, then I am going to need to be with someone who has similar values, not necessarily in the same order, but that they're there so that my needs are met.

15:53 So I could be quiet and they could be outgoing, but that relationship really goes on fire when many of our values are similar. Yeah. So true. So tell me about the work that you do and the clients that you serve and what you take them through. Because the, you know, obviously there was a big shift from being a teacher. Although when I really think about it, it's not that huge a shit 'cause I've been a coach and now I teach and I mean very similar. It's all about motivating, helping to, you know, help people navigate their own truths and whatnot. But I'm really curious about the work that you're doing on a regular.

16:37 Basis, you know, I think back to the teaching and coaching yeah, super similar and honestly, some of my clients are as unwilling as my teenage clients were. And I'd say that because they know that this is good for them and they're there because they know it's good for them, but that doesn't mean that they would love to do the work. And so I am the perfect coach for people who don't love to do the work because I can motivate the heck out of people. That's that's what I love. But honestly, I do one of my favorite courses that I'm taking people through luck by design. It's basically, I don't believe in luck. I believe that you design what comes to you. And so we're going to make our own luck. Thank you.

17:24 And it's about discovering who we are. I take people through that values discovery process. I take them into discovering their passions and their purpose and even the legacy that they would love to leave behind. You know, I then take them into their own self concept. This comes back to the worthiness. So by the way, each class has a step towards building your worthiness, which I love and people are really leaning in for. I think that's something that our society needs. I see you nodding something. Yeah. So working on self concept, like who do I believe that I am and how does it feel to be me? But then knowing that I have these values, passion, purpose, what life would I love to create?

18:11 And how does it feel to be that me? And allowing people to recognize the disparity and to help them shift. Now, you mentioned money. That's one of the biggest, simplest areas to talk about because it's in everyone's world. But how do you feel when your furnace breaks down and you pay the bill right now based on your finances, Right? And I ask this to all of my clients, based on your finances, the money story that's in your head, what you've been taught, how do you feel when you pay that bill? And then, hey, three years from now when your vision is carried out and you have the money, the time, the health and the relationships you would love to have in your life, how's it feel now? And why don't we take that feeling and feel it now? That doesn't mean spend as if we have it all. It means feel as if we have it all. So when I pay that bill now, I have to say things like, am I ever grateful I have enough credit for this, or I have enough savings for this, or I have a friend to help me install this furnace?

19:16 I take my clients through that feeling positive now because that's my frequency for attraction and if I would love this life, acting from that end will attract it to me. So we we go through that our self concept and how that feels. And then honestly, we work for several weeks on awareness because if we don't understand and recognize the beliefs within us that are holding us back, even a value that we hold that we didn't know, maybe we believe we're not good enough, smart enough, fast enough, skinny enough, tall enough, pretty enough, you name it. I do work with men as well. So insert all the male sides of that, then we can't change where we're going to end up. And so we, we deal in the last few weeks that I work with people we deal with identifying those limiting beliefs, being aware of them and reprogramming, reprogramming our self concept so that instead of hearing the story we've heard in our minds since we were children, and that's been built up over time, we're inserting a new story.

20:19 Thank you very much. And that story is coming from the feelings, the actions of that person for whom it's all worked out already. It's kind of a cool concept. I love the process. It, I mean, first of all, we are so aligned and very, very similar. It's amazing how this translates into anything, not just, you know, whether it's a career or a business or love or any of it. This concept is amazing because the not enoughness is something that a lot of people have to work through in order to accept the opportunities that come our way. But I love what you said about luck when we started there, 'cause I am, I've always said for years, I'm like, I don't believe in luck. I believe there's a saying, I think it was Seneca, who said luck is when preparation meets opportunity. And that's why it's more important to focus on the preparation so when the opportunity comes, you can take advantage of it.

21:24 And the money situation is funny because I grew up, I wouldn't say like dirt poor or anything, but, you know, I had a single mom and we had a modest income and all that. But in my mind, I was never poor. And I always looked at money as an energy exchange. Nice. You know, so it's like if I pay for something, I feel that I'm it's, there's an energy exchange. I'm getting something for the payment that I'm making. It makes the world go round. It helps people be employed. It helps me be employed, whether it's my own business, getting paid from clients. Like I just look at it, it's just, it's, it's like an energy exchange. And we put a different kind of value on money, which is weird is what we do, you know, with when it comes to it. And if only we could just recognize that that's that's all it is.

22:17 It's just an energy exchange. Absolutely. Something where you're getting paid for your time and then now you can use that to buy your time back somewhere else, which is the one thing, right? That is so, you know, like once you use up your time, you've used it up, you can't get it back, right? So wherever you can pay to get it back, go for it. I love it. I love everything that you shared. And I think it's a wonderful process to take people through, especially the part about awareness, because it is amazing how much people are on autopilot that they don't even recognize what they're doing, what they're saying, what they're thinking. They don't stop. And this is very common, I have to say as a woman, because we're so busy and we're taking care of everyone and we're doing everything and we're, you know, if you're a people pleaser and then you have all these responsibilities, you might lose your awareness of what you're, you know, how you're showing up, what you're liking, who you really are in the public eye. And I love that.

23:21 How do you, how do you get people to become aware? I'm curious about that. Self aware for sake. Self-awareness is huge. Honestly, one of the first questions I ask is how does it feel to be you? Which if we're really honest, we could almost write a book about. When we look at all the situations that we see ourselves in on a daily basis, how does it truly feel to be us and to be aware of that? But our, our #1 signal for whether we're manifesting what we would love or, or manifesting something we wouldn't love is our emotions. So we have that emotional scale where we have joy and empowerment sort of at the top and down, down at the very bottom. We have like despair, disempowerment, and all of the shades in between.

24:10 And if we're in a situation, if we're, if we're experiencing something where maybe we're feeling constructive, we start to feel a little bit hopeless, we start feeling angry. Those are awareness signals. That is our true indicator of whether we are in alignment for what we would love. And you know exactly what that's like. I'm sure you've experienced this as much as I have. We can spend times laying in bed at night thinking, oh, gosh, I hope this doesn't happen. Oh gosh, I think that doesn't, I hope that doesn't happen. And we can get all tight, we can get all worried. And that's our signal. Oh, hang on, we're about to spend too much time and frequency on an area that we wouldn't like to have happen in our lives. So we're going to shut that.

24:59 We're going to be done with that, and we're going to look forward. That awareness, though, really paying attention to that emotional scale and knowing where you are on it. A lot of people talk about gratitude. Oh, just be grateful. Sure, if you're really grateful, faking it to make it isn't gratitude, but our gratitude also builds our worthiness. So those are kind of connected. And if we're faking our gratitude, we're still going to feel fake inside. Whereas if I truly, I ask people to be aware of what they truly are grateful for. And if they're grateful for those relationships, they're grateful for the opportunities, they're grateful for the new clothes they bought last week when they're feeling that they are starting to set a program in their mind to see things to be grateful for.

25:48 And when we see things on the outside we're grateful for, guess what happens when we start to look inside? Now we see things to be grateful for. And guess what happens to our worthiness? And that's an amazing tool. But you know, when we're in anger or despair, those, those emotions aren't wrong. Those are just signals. OK, how long do I want to spend here? How soon can I shift? And where do I want to shift it to, to get what I would love in my life? I love that and I agree wholeheartedly. I, I always say those who worry suffer twice because you're worrying about a situation that you don't know what's going to happen and it's so important to focus on the things you can control.

26:35 But I also love that you said, you know, about seeing the things that you're grateful for because I think we filter out so much. Our brains just are designed to do that. And so by taking that inventory on a regular basis and just kind of going through and say, you know, I'm grateful that I, I'm sitting in my closet right now and my closet is like 20 by 30, like that's the size of somebody's apartment. And I'm like, I should be grateful. This is not something I should be taking for granted, You know, and everything, everything that you have in your life as you start to take that inventory, it just, it's very fulfilling. So you don't be, you don't have to be in that constant want, want, want, like lack and spare.

27:25 So I, I do love gratitude practice. And I think, you know, just shifting to specifically to entrepreneurs, which is really what these matchmakers are and a lot of their clients. It that's so important because when you have, and you know this as a business owner, you need to be self-propelled. You don't have a boss telling you what to do. You have to get up every morning, have a routine and be able to stay at a high vibration to attract the right clients, people who are, you know, ready and willing to invest and that you feel good about working with them. So you're not taking what I call blood money. When you take on a client, then you're like, Oh my God, just I'm like, don't even do it.

28:09 Just try to track the right clients because you're gonna, you'll be up at night worrying about this client. Let's talk a little bit about, you know, how this manifestation and all this practice that you're talking about really could serve these entrepreneurs, these matchmakers and people with their businesses. So important, absolutely. We are manifesting all the time, whether we acknowledge it or not. And as entrepreneurs, when we look around us, the business we got last month or didn't get is a direct result of our creation, our Co creation. A lot of people don't love to hear that.

28:50 But when I'm saying you may have manifested something that you didn't want, I'm not saying that people did that on purpose, but out of worry, out of habit about looking at their account and feeling a certain way when it's not full enough. By looking at the waiting room in their office and there's no one in it, they can be creating an energy that just attracts more, no one in their office more, low balance more. And so that's that shift that is so important, especially as an entrepreneur. And for me, I think my favorite tool there is to ask people to notice what they're noticing. And when it is something negative that they're noticing, that is what they're dwelling on, then that's what they're going to attract. By the way, if I have a thought for a few moments ago, actually I don't want to think about that, that's fine. We have to hold that thought.

29:38 It has to be our general frequency to be manifesting from there. We also don't manifest from our dreams. People ask me that as well. But notice what you're noticing is important. And if you're not loving what you notice, number one tool, especially for entrepreneurs is to lean back and go to your successes. Name a time, Think of a time. Picture the last time the waiting room had a people in it and that's so that it made you feel good inside. The last time you landed that client that was amazing, that person you worked with who was fantastic. We want to be not necessarily imaging specific people, but the emotion from that time because that frequency is the one we want to vibrate in. That is similar to I think all of us have experienced this. If you've ever gotten in the car and you've driven to work, but when you get to work, you don't remember driving there. So that's, that's what we want to have. We want to have that feeling of those clients that we love working with the income in our bank account just filling with all of that.

30:41 We want that here, like the image of our workplace. And although we're maneuvering our day-to-day, we're still here. That vision is here. And once we can plaster that in there, remembering these techniques, looking back to past successes, building, there's several tools that I teach, but that's one of the simplest. Once we do that, we can truly continue on our journey. Yes, acknowledge what's happening in front of us, but keep our frequency, our eyes on the prize so that that's that's more ours quicker, if that makes any sense. Almost like quantum leaping. 100% totally makes sense. And I think that if you said this before, but just to give a concrete example, if if I'm an employee, for example, and I'm working on a supervisor level, want to get to a manager level, I need to start acting like a manager in order to show my supervisor. Well, you know, whoever my, my boss is that I'm capable of it. And I think in life there's like an energetic being or something, I don't know what you want to call it that is constantly taking, you know, like looking for this. Are you acting as if you are this already? Do you believe that you're capable and worthy and everything else?

32:05 That's all sort of ducks. That's to me, ducks in the row, everything, all your ducks are in the row. That thing's gonna come. And then when you have the confidence and belief that it is coming, then you're able to hang in there long enough. For example, I find on a concrete level, just to give an example, somebody will start using a marketing tool or let's say they they lean into social media. Well, if you don't believe you're going to have success, if you don't stick with it long enough, you're not going to have success, right? But when your ducks are in the row and you've made a decision, I'm doing a podcast or I'm doing social media or I'm doing a blog because all marketing works. I just interviewed a good friend of mine and she said that all marketing works is you have to stick with it and you have to refine and get better, but give it enough time for it to work because it's not.

33:01 You don't have control over how quickly things happen. And in manifesting, people always have this idea and this expectation, which is a word that I don't usually have in my vocabulary that if they manifest it, that means it's like instant gratification and manifestation is not instant. Gratification. No, no, I, I love what you're talking about about all marketing works. I actually have that post it note stuck to my computer. You can't see it, but they're down to that. People will often think, well, if I just stick with it'll, it'll work. I, I agree as long as you're vibrating at a frequency of belief that it's working for you. And I recently was reading Jerry and Esther Hicks in one of their one of their books, they talk about there's two sides to everything.

33:56 And if I asked you to pick up, say, the the marketing stick, there's actually two sides to the marketing stick. This represents marketing. This could represent health, it could represent a great relationship. It could represent money. On this stick, there's a good end, a positive end and a negative end. And it doesn't matter which end it is, OK, this could be the good end and this could be the negative. When I pick up the marketing stick and I'm thinking this is going to work, I love this. When I use that word going to, it could be a little far from me. I could be distancing myself from it. But I'm going to try to stay positive. What I need to do is notice the positive, decide that I'm going to notice the things that are working. I've got two more likes today than I did yesterday.

34:38 That video got way more hits. We're going to start noticing what we want to notice and we're going to decide not to notice the other end. It doesn't mean the negative isn't there. People very often say, well, when I change my marketing, when I change my thoughts around money, when I change, well, sure, I feel great inside, but then the crap hits. Well, because you've picked up the whole stick, you don't just get to pick up the positive end. The negative comes as well. That's the law of contrast. You can't avoid that. But are you going to continue to look at that negative end or are you deciding? You know what? I realize that that's there, but what I really want is this and I'm going to start focusing because where we spend our time, our money and our energy energetically is what we attract.

35:22 So yeah, I don't makes sense. I love that and I'm I'm a big fan of the Esther Hicks. So we're I'm right here with you. There's this thing I used to do back in the day and I and I really should start doing it again. In fact, zip. I don't like the word should either Take that out of the hook that I will start doing again. And I'm trying to remember what it's called, but essentially I would record myself. So I would spend some time either writing or typing up a scenario of where I want my year to be this year. And it might come to me what it's called and it's kind of a form of manifesting and it included, you know dollar amounts, just a whole scenario of the year.

36:12 And this is a great time and we're, as we record this is early on in January 2025. And what happens is you create this whole scenario and you record it in your voice and then you listen to it on a regular basis. It's almost like an audio vision board. But what you're doing from a scientific standpoint is you're creating those neural pathways to be able to recognize, first of all, accept the this is a potential reality because your mind doesn't know. That's why you get scared when you're watching TV and something scary happens. It's not happening, but your mind doesn't know that.

36:53 So you have the reaction of it, but also because it's such a great way to really prepare yourself for actually, again, manifesting these things because you've already laid it out. And there's a level of specificity and then there's a level of like allowing, which is kind of a balancing act. But that's part of the the equation of doing this. And do you know what it's called 'cause I can't remember. I used to do this all the time and there's a name for it. And if I think about it and I think. It's along the lines I heard it called a couple of things. Some people talk about it being creating end scenes where they would like this sort of thing to turn out like a like a movie trailer, but an end scene for your life potentially that's what you're. But I know this is what I take my clients through with their self concept script.

37:44 OK, well picture yourself in that situation in that ideal day. Run through the feelings, the emotions and the actions of that day and the character of the person who is having that day. That's your self concept script. And that is what we play over and over again, whether we, you know, have it on audio or every time we start the car, we have it stack or you know, maybe we write it out. Some people still love to write stuff out. Whatever works for you. But you're right, there is a lot of science to it. We are making those neural pathways. And I really enjoyed what you said when you you said that, you know, you want your mind to accept that it's happening. You said words similar to that. Because when what we were looking for to happen actually happens, we want it to be, of course, of course this happened.

38:34 I knew it would happen. That's the level of belief we have. It's not even belief, it's knowing. And that that gentle knowing is the area that we love to vibe in when it comes to anything that we're dreaming of in our vision in our future. I have a few friends who are in the dating market right now. I know exactly what they're going through with the apps and the ridiculousness. They need you. I'm sending them your number. But in reality, when we hang on too tight, when we want something so badly, when we're trying so hard, we're keeping it away, that's that constricted feeling. Again, we need that open feeling. And gratitude is very, very open. And that's why that is such a good emotion for us to feel. And then it's like, oh, yeah, I knew this was going to happen. I knew I'd meet my special partner. I knew that this would work.

39:25 And that knowing is is very powerful. That's one of our best emotions to have there. Yeah, it's interesting what you just said about wanting it so bad, because as much as people think that that's a want, it's more of a feeling of lack and desperation, guys, as, you know, a want, it's really not, you know, it's not a matter of fact like, yeah, I want, I want this pen. No, it's like that, that when you get to that point, you've shifted into the LAX space and the desperation, which doesn't is not conducive. I remember what that thing is called. It's called scripting. I'm sure there's other names for it, but yeah, I used to do that a lot and it really. Really, really helped and what's really weird is when I was a teenager, I think I was like 15 years old, I would have these conversations with God with the universe, whatever it wasn't you could call it a prayer, but it really wasn't a prayer and I would script like literally, I looked like a crazy person. This is before the earplugs were in just having a conversation with God, but and with myself at the same time about all the things that I was going to accomplish and but in saying it as if it had already happened and it would happen all the time, but I would take action.

40:41 And that's an area that is so important to talk about because manifesting is not sitting and waiting. That's called expectation. When you sit and wait and you're expecting manifestation is recognizing, visioning, recognizing, doing and then not going into the desperate mode of the the energy because the energy is what's going to attract it even we'll we'll expedite that coming in. Yeah, desperation is a very low energy and it's a stirring and it reminds me of rodents. And it's, well, it's, it's funny because the minute I say that people go, oh, no, actually, yeah, that's where I was. Yeah.

41:22 And that shifting of that, by the way, it's really rough to shift from desperation to joy. I mean, there's a lot of levels in between there. So just any upshift is good. But I love what you said about taking action and, you know, having the vision that is our vision, it is worthy of us because we came up with it. And if it's for that special person or that amount of money or the business, success is our vision to have, but it's also our butt to move. And it doesn't mean hustle. It means inspired action. It means taking opportunities. It means checking your energy and keeping it where it needs to be.

42:03 More so than I, I really, you know, when I was a teacher, it was hustle. Hard hurry, hard hustle. And there's always more to be done to outshine here, to coach that, to teach crazy. And now I realize I was keeping most of my success away because I was in the hurry hard that really need it feel instead of you know what? I know what my vision is. I'm going to spend a few moments, like you said, with the script or in the scene I'm going to visualize. And then I might even ask myself, OK, what are my business actions today? And is there any other action that I should take today? And I, I'll hear a response within me that's tapping into that intuition. And sometimes it sounds a little different, those intuitive hits of what I should do today, but I do them to illustrate, you know, there's three or four things that I do every day for my business.

42:54 And every business will have its list of those money making, client helping activities that we do. But then I closed my eyes and I said, what should I do today to move my business forward? And it was take a walk. I'm like, sure, no, take a walk. And it was in an area that I've never been to before. And I'm like, OK, And I go for that walk and I stop to take a picture at a beautiful outlook, and there's someone sitting at the bench. And that turned into a client. Now, did I know that that was going to happen? No. But did I say hello? Did I greet that person with the energy of the person for whom everything's already worked out? Yes, I did. That was me showing up.

43:36 That was me taking action. And that's the part that we don't always know what it's going to be, but the action is so imperative. I love everything you just said and I really hope that any business owner, entrepreneur listening to this recognizes that this is part of business as well. And even going for that walk, maybe maybe you didn't meet someone that would turn into a client, but you thought of an idea that could elevate your business Because we need that opportunity to tap in to ourselves and not be in the hurry, hurry, rat race that could easily become when you're in a business.

44:19 And I always tell people like there are times you have, if you are doing all the work, if you're a solopreneur, you also need to work on your business. And to work on your business, you can't be doing the thing. You need to step back. You need to take a vacation. You need to go read a book and get inspiration to really get to Oh, wow, that's a great idea. This is something I want to add to my to my offering or this could supplement my my course right now like you. But you need that pause. And I love that you said tap in because we were talking about it before. But the brain filters so much information on a regular basis, and it has a lot of repetitive thoughts.

45:03 And a good percentage of not 90% is negative because it's always trying to protect us. So when you do some breath work and you pause and you meditate, first of all, there's a lot of science that shows that this is really good for you on many levels, right? Because there could be some stress that comes with owning a business. But you tap in, you tap in, I know a little bit to the to what's happening inside. You're pausing and you're saying, wait, there's so much that I know there's so much that's been filtered, but I'm going to tap into it and this is going to come up and those answers are going to come. And you're going to be like, was I mean, it was coming from the inside or it's being downloaded. I don't know.

45:45 Sometimes I feel like I get downloads, especially when I was coaching, but because somehow I would get the right words that I have to say. But you need those pauses, and I'm so glad that you talked about that. Take those. It is super important and remember the pauses are different for everyone. I've got a friend who goes for a massage and that's when her downloads come and she knows and I honestly use walking a lot. You're so right. Just the other day I took a walk and before I left I thought I need a name for my new offer. I don't know what it is. 3 blocks later I had the name and I didn't do anything in my mind but enjoy my walk and the name came and I. I think that as long as we're willing to listen, the answer is there. And that answer is sometimes self-care, but the answer is also sometimes get up and do this XYZ.

46:32 And I wish that the answer was always something beautiful, self careish, but that you know the action is necessary. And that's those two things put together. If it's inspired action, you feel enough. It's one of the best things about becoming a coach is I have decided once my list of things that I do in a day is done enough, I am enough. It is enough. My marketing is working, my business is growing and I'm out. I go relax and that's a really nice place to be. That that's so wonderful. And you know, this of course, has been such an enlightening conversation. I love this stuff, Suzanne. And before we go, what's one piece of advice you'd like to share with matchmakers and their and possibly their clients about staying aligned with their goals and manifesting their dreams, especially now that people probably have already given up on their New Year's resolution.

47:30 So what what would you say you know would could keep them focused and and staying aligned with their goals? I think honestly if you're a visual person, it's going to be a vision board. It could be putting the visual on the back of your or sorry on the screen of your phone. But those things are really secondary. The primary function of them is what you feel. And you need to feel into those visions. You need to feel into maybe the new self script that you're telling yourself because those feelings, if this vision truly Revs you up, those feelings will renew your motivation daily.

48:13 And when I, let's say I do want to go to the gym and lose a certain amount of weight, the vision of maybe I've got some health goals or something to put on my vision board. That vision, looking at it might make me grumpy. But if I feel into how would it feel to be the person for whom that waistline is real or that marathon time is real? When I feel into that, that's what fires my passion and my purpose and gets me going again all the time. So that's that motivation that really pulls the it's the frequency. This frequency seems to be the answer to almost everything. Yeah, it's the frequency, it's the feeling, it's the why. Where can our audience learn more about your work and the tools you offer for life design and manifestation? I'm on Instagram at Suzanne M Bloom and honestly, I'm on Facebook at the same account and BB coachingacademy.com is where people can find me and our courses and what we do. And it's honestly just such a privilege to talk with you. Arlene, I love your questions.

49:18 I love how tuned and tapped in you are. The fact that we both love Esther Hicks, this is awesome. We should have been talking a long time ago. And I'm sure we will stay in touch and of course, we'll share all of your contact information in the show notes. And thank you so much for being here and the work that you do and helping so many people, people to stay focused and really manifesting their dreams because there's enough to go around. And you know, most of it is helping others, right? Most of these businesses that people have. So we want to encourage that and support them and get them out there and staying focused. Thank you. Absolutely. Thank you. Have you ever felt called to help others find love? You might have the heart for matchmaking, but without the right training, turning that passion into a thriving business can feel impossible.

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50:48 With over a decade of experience. We don't just train matchmakers, we create leaders in the industry. Are you ready to become an LPMA Certified Matchmaker and build a business that changes lives? Apply today at lovepromastermind.com. Thank you for tuning in to the Matchmaker Mentor Podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with fellow matchmakers and friends. For more resources, training, and inspiration, visit lovepromastermind.com and follow us on social media. Remember, matchmaking isn't just a career, it's a calling. Let's keep building connections, changing lives, and growing together. Until next time, stay inspired and keep.