Be Relentless - Kevin Kearns

Welcome back to Your Brain On Positive. All the love and support you need is residing inside of you. And we're going to make it easier to turn it on.

There are people who I can have a conversation with about anything at any moment. And my guest today is one of them. Kevin and I came into the studio to record a podcast and 15 minutes later, I realized maybe it's time to actually start the primer. So if you're looking for an episode with attitude, I can pretty much guarantee you're in the right place

to talk about Huh, why?

So, okay, Kevin, you've been helping people burn in a lot of different ways. And then you got burned. Haha, yeah, I love that. Berber cards in the back of my cards. The reality of the premise that there's always light. And I love that you included that in your book. You know, I absolutely am a firm believer that when your brain is on positive when you are allowing some light to shine in, two things are going to happen. One your world's going to lighten up and two, you are going to see what's on the corners that was previously hit.

Nice. I like that. See what's in the cornice with my Watson accent?

Yeah, well, preparing people for what's coming in this episode. I just want to say it's not going to be for the faint of heart. Real raw and relatable. Those of you who've read any of the volumes of make it a great day, the choice is yours. You know, those are the stories we go after for the book that supports my mission at the teen suicide prevention society. And Frank wrote his whole book on that premise, real raw and relatable. So tell us about that journey. Kevin, what is it that made you decide to share your story?

I appreciate that Jack. And I want to thank all your listeners in real raw and relatable we're going to add to that this is one of my tattoos. I'm a Thai boxer. This is some boxing bomb, be relentless. From the back of my shirt. So you just have to be relentless. You know, my first story, as you know was I was the kid that sucked in every sport. And I had a life changing event. I was bullied and my father died. This is his ring. You know, it's been on for 44 years. He died of alcoholism at 48. You know, and my whole world change close friend taught me to close uncle excuse me taught me to take the karate saved my life from karate went into strength training, and I never expected to become an exercise physiologist wasn't my plan. But I think you know, as Dr. Wayne Dyer would say that you don't plan anything the universe dictates you know, it does. I had a knack for it. Went into it was great. And the whole bit and then you know, the business just I mean, I'm from I come from nothing. I'm from Everett, mass right outside of Charlestown. And if you made it in Everett, you had one family, we lived in the three family and to this day, God bless my mother's soul. She died at COVID Back in December 2020 on our 92nd birthday. I don't know how we survived, you know, because it was my sister was six years older, she got married. I was 12 at the time, you know, so I had to be 21 when I was 12. And in my first book, what people didn't realize I forgot that I didn't write about this. I buried my dad. And then for the next 10 years in my family, I was at a funeral every year. Now that does something to you. You know, I'm a big fan of the Jewish religion, put them in the ground, no open casket, but the Catholics I don't know why they want to have this open casket bullshit. Excuse me, but why do they, you know, a 12 year old seen that dad does isn't right. This isn't right.

Well, I won't argue that because the first funeral I remember attending, I was around the same age and it was from my grandmother. And they said you walked me up to the casket and um, it was the first time in my life I'd ever seen that woman frown and it freaked me out from that moment on. So parents you might want to protect your kids there could be a traumatic event Yeah, they need to understand that death is part of life and they don't need to have a visual image of it directly in my opinion.

You don't need to be smashed in the face. I think the conference enough best funeral ever went to was Karen Shindo is former husband Greg Chanda This is probably my 30s Close casket he had cancer they had photos of him and his best moments that's how you want to be remembered me I'll tell you what's gonna happen to me when they meet me I'm gonna go down swinging that's a fact. I already have a written on my will I want to put on a boat wouldn't maple logs give me my two swords cross them like the fire up push me out to see just like the Vikings used to do you know because I don't want to waste any ground on me. We all go back to it anyway. So who kiss Um, so the reason I I shared that first story is Birmingham, my ghostwriter, first ghost writer had screwed me took four grand for me just took notes in my chapter, and then came to me in 2011 didn't realize how big of a problem bullying was which bullying leads to what addiction, suicide, everything else, as you know. So,

okay, I got my own theory on what's going on with bullying. And we'll find out in a minute whether or not you agree, but go ahead. Tell me about your story.

No sugar soda, just so everybody knows. I'm a freak about ginger Opia. So that happened and I decided to share my I kind of conceived of the book in 2007. And then came up with the book in 2011. Even though I kind of got disenfranchised with the whole thing. Because this ghostwriter I rip me off, kick came to me, never met me didn't take a nickel. And she interviewed me during the time of my second book, which is this light in the tunnel. My college sweetheart who I married on a second kid started drinking, drinking, spending and smoking and became an alcoholic from 2005 to 2010. And I'm like, I got a six month old and to a happier home. And I'm like, What do I do? Now kid interviewed me every Monday night with my ex was at her AAA meetings, which I didn't know anything about, you know, I'm like, hey, what's a and if some of the hottest moments you know, so kid knew more about me. And it's amazing, as you know, with the universe because I'm a big fan of that the late Dr. Wang Chai Dyer and he said, you know how we'll get handled? How we handle so I came up with the book. You know, I get screwed by my first ghost right? I find this new ghost writer because my fulfillment company for my DVDs I watch these DVDs and 2008 2008 for MMA conditioning because, you know, my Claim to Fame or Shame fame was I was the strength coach. That's a joke. I was a strength coach for 15 UFC fighters and I came up with

okay, you're gonna have to slow down. Sorry, right. So you're talking ama as in like mixed MMA like mixed martial arts. Okay. And then you're talking about UFC, which

is the same with the pinnacle. So I was the I was the strength coach for 15 UFC fighters.

Okay, so 15 UFC fighters, you coach them. Now you're dealing with something where strength doesn't necessarily help.

No. And it's funny, the anti bullying expert, because I was given talks all over the world, I even in my book, I even have a letter from Michelle Obama who read my book, my first book is getting bullied at home.

That's what I was gonna go to, because most people don't realize, I believe that life lessons are repeated until learn. And you had a life lesson around bullying, that while you survived as a kid, you hadn't learned what you needed to learn. Now, there's a lot of people who argue with me about whether or not this is a life lesson, but I will say that it's an energetic pattern. And so we just attract people who help us resolve our patterns. Until we do.

It's a good point. I like that, you know,

so Well, it takes a lot of the judgment out now we're not making that person wrong. They're just our personal emotional trainer. There are pet, they're in our lives to help us resolve something, we could not resolve this champion.

I like that, because that's the, you know, I think it was Dr. Wayne Dyer used to say that, you know, maybe this person showed up the teacher or something because if you know his story, you know, he's from, you know, broken home the whole bit, the whole nine yards. His father left, he hated his father and then he's on a seminar one time, there's a bit he rents a car this a business card, he ends up at a at a potter's field, his father was a drunk, and he finds the gravity yells at him for three hours. And that one act of forgiveness caused him to write erroneous shots. So it's kind of funny when you think about that. So me, what ends up happening to me and the reason I went public is, you know, when you you know, everybody goes through trauma at some point in their life, and everybody has some type of PTSD. Obviously, first responders and military have it worse, way worse, in my opinion, because I've worked with them.

We call it writing PETA. It's an elephant, you know, my elephant. So post traumatic anything. Yeah, you got an elephant of your own

elements. It's my that's my my animal elements of Eagle. That's why our nations called Eagle warriors because that's my saying, Hold your vision, keep your passion, maintain and invest in your perseverance and that's why every tattoo I have I believe that every tattoo, it's a reminder, just like don't tell anybody. I'm actually the real Batman.

Oh, the real Batman. Okay, well,

I never give up. I don't I don't know how to give up.

Alright, for those listening, just so y'all know. Mr. Kevin Kearns has a few tattoos including the bat symbol on his arm. So now that Dad Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't tell anybody. You're on a podcast for crying out loud. Let's go with you're a badass dude, you train these people. And at home, you're being bullied, you're being bullied in the worst way possible because there's something called an overt bully, and you know how to handle them. And then when you're dealing with people with emotional challenges with addictions, with the inability to be accountable to take ownership for their lives and their actions, that's covert bullying, because they force responsibility on to other people. And you were dealing with that at home. Absolutely. It's a level of discrepancy. That's hard to deal with.

It's, you know, it's extremely high when you know, somebody for 10 years, and it also does flips. And then you, you know, the way I was, I'm 56. Now, I don't feel it I don't look at and I think anybody thinks that egotistical, tough. I mean, I worked my ass off to stay in shape. And, you know, my salvation was exercise. And my salvation was, you know, seminar certifications and doing my thing couldn't wait to leave sometimes, even though I was a good father. Was that always there? Because the first five years she drank, I had no help. None. You know, she was functional, you know, that would start at four o'clock in the afternoon. And you're right. You know, people sit there and say, you know, one in four women are bad at one and seven men are bad. And I'm one of them emotionally, you know, emasculated, ripped down. And a client once said to me, how do people don't you know, your family, whoever it is? How do people know? How do people? How can people compress your buttons, because they install them?

So the reality of our conversation is, we have so many directions that we can go, let's stick with what it takes to bounce back.

Okay, well, we'll back up that story and out. And I'll say this like, so fill in the blanks, you know, it led to a messy divorce, which was, which cost over $100,000, it led to somebody attacking my gas meter in my house. And that's how I believe that it led to my kids

pause. Someone attacking the gas meter in your home is an open loop and Uncle close. All right, or you can close it. Because what happens when somebody can crack open that gas meter, what happens next,

boom, that's what happens next, somebody tried to force open a window and run a hose into the window from the gas main and blow my own. Basically, let's just leave it at that. And it was set up because the went deep Wi Fi cameras were turned off. And we were all out of the house.

The good news is that the house is still standing and that no one was harmed. And the reality is, that's called escalation when it comes to bullying and what most people don't know. And thank God, I have smart people in my world and Jennifer Hancock wrote a little book called The bully vaccine, where she explains in non clinical terms, what escalation looks like. And when you tolerate and you try to hold a boundary and then you lose it and now the the level of of intimidation, the level of manipulation is higher, the level of gaslighting is more intense, you try to hold a boundary, they get worse, and then you lose it. And now they've reset the bar up higher. When people finally get out of an abusive relationship. Sometimes that escalation is now deadly. Yes, that's why the most dangerous time for anyone to leave an abusive relationship is when they leave it there in the most danger. escalation is how I

agree with that. And that's what led me to my attempted suicides in 2019. You know, I was, you go from it, all that mess, then you go from that to now I went from 3300 square feet, my dream home for 19 years to 1100 square feet. She moved out early, I was supposed to move out and dump 23 years of crap that I had to clean out the house. And then I'm an 1100 square feet and I'm seeing my kids 5050 You know, they're 14 and 16. I'm like, I've been a father for 14 years. I remember. Father 14 years. I remember the first weekend I was by myself. I'm like, What do I do? And then let's not even discuss, okay, now I've got to start dating at 50. Right? I'm like, okay, that's just till for lack of a better word, a shit show. Because now with all this stuff, you get people like I've dated other people like, they think that no offense women think men don't get catfished I'm like, we get catfish. We get ghosted it all.

I don't even know what catfish means.

Okay. catfishing means they put up fake pictures.

Oh, okay. Yeah, so the reality is that the dating scene is not as simple as it used to be when you dated someone who you were introduced to personally by a friend for dating used to happen, or you met them somewhere, you had something in common. And you started with a conversation, online dating, change that online. Totally. And so that's a whole nother conversation. We're gonna have to have another conversation we're gonna have you back on. And we're going to talk about how to keep your brain on positive in the dating scene. Right now, let's just talk about how do you keep going, when everything that had meaning in your world gets taken away from you? Because that's really the theme of this conversation. What did it take?

I think what helped is I wrote that there's light in the tunnel, how to survive and thrive of depression, because when I wrote released my first book, it was cathartic, right? I talked about being bullied. I talked about losing my father, about coming back. So when I went through this, and you know, the cliche is, there's light at the end of the tunnel when you're in the throes of suicidal ideation, depression, anxiety, you want it over. And the reason I say that people, I go think about this ago, you're in a flight, right? We've all had bad flights, and the pilot comes on, you hit turbulence. And the fight is like, we're going to be through this in about 15 minutes. You're like, No, I want to get out of this. Now, it's the same thing as that. When you come out of a shower like I did going to see a client and you fall on the floor and have a panic attack for no reason. You just want to over the way I came back, if it wasn't for the state trooper that stopped me from trying to find a spot in the Tobin bridge. I mean, I, the day before the trauma wrench, I tried to slit my own throat, that's intense, and then realize what I did. Because I'm thinking the movies. It's one and you're done. No, that isn't what happens. And then I tried to find a spot in the top of bridge to jump off. Thank God, I went to McLean which is one of the best hospitals because they have deconstructing the stigma which they interviewed me now for that whole program. And I found it's this is this is something I want to I want people to realize. People call it you know, Dr. Wayne Dyer, and Deepak Chopra, famous for saying this. People call it your gut instinct. It's not your gut. It's your heart, your hearts intuitive. It knows. And every time I've had a very major life decision, my dad, I couldn't hear him. So I didn't know what EC T was at all. And I'm like, You know what, I've tried drugs. I've tried this.

Pardon me, Joy. Unpack the acronym. I don't believe in acronyms. EC T in your world is

electro convulsive therapy. Thank you. They literally induced a seizure, seizure to reset the harddrive.

And anyone who's ever seen One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, demonized it, they made it seem famous. It has been that the reality is that any therapy, any intervention technique works for some of the people some of the time period.

And I appreciate you said that because they demonized it. It's got a 97% success rate. It's been out since 1938. And you know what I'm like, I have to do something different. Now, normally 12 treatments, and then you taper up, you start feeling better, I had three and I turned the corner and it was like the sky opens.

And then anything that resets your brain, then so that's exactly what this whole conversation is going to be about from this moment on is the power of re setting the operating system, what's happening behind your eyes and between your ears. When they talk about reframing, they got a piece of it. When they talk about a paradigm shift, they are getting closer. What you experienced was more of a transformation. You cannot go back to the way you thought before. No and

it's funny that you say that because I'm releasing a bunch of new stuff, new videos, fitness videos, and I tell people because you know some people, they get nervous when you talk about this. And I said look, I said I'm the 2.0 version. Now I'm the new version. This isn't the old coach currents. This is the new coach Kevin Kurtz. Um, you see this, I just put this on last year. I am relentless. I just don't stop. I don't know that. But you know, I can turn it off but in general, ain't gonna stop. And I think one of the best ways to reset now when when mental health awareness month came out, I decided I did 40 of these. It was it was mental mental health motivational muscle minute. So I told people like my my mission now is this. I want to help people that have struggl ed and still struggling with mental illness recover with proper exercise, proper nutrition and proper mindset programming and that's through my workshops. That's true. One on one. That's groups, that's through seminars, that's what I do, because those fundamentals me martial arts three, five days a week yoga. I've been I've been a yogi for 14 years and conditioning. And you and I both know this jacket and I appreciate your knowledge. If you even just raise your heart rate for two minutes, the endorphins kick off, right and if if you're a I told clients ago, if you eat doughnuts, you're going to feel like a doughnut.

I don't know what a doughnut feels like. But we do speak the same language, we speak it and we use slightly different terminologies. The reality is that the landscape behind your eyes and between your ears, this is where life is really live, it's not lived out there with all of our stuff, it is live in here. And whatever helps someone get control of the conversation up here is whatever helps someone get control. So in this no judgement zone, the reality is the path you took to get you here. And whether it's your journey, Kevin, or someone who's listening, whatever got you here with dammit, good enough to get you here. And here, you now have a choice, because the only place you have a choice is in the present moment.

I appreciate that, you know, one of the biggest things I walked away with, after coming on and Maclean and myself was I came to a realization somebody always has it worse. Always. And take that glass for instance, right? I never like I never like the saying, Is the glass half empty, half full. I'm like, why are you gonna give me my net? My My take is this and like, why you're gonna give me half empty glass. I want a full glass,

huh? And my attitude is it doesn't matter because it's refillable. I like

that one. Well, here's one of my favorite ones, too. I'm in progress, not perfection. You know, and I people have this tendency, and I believe, like you do in, you know, there's that old saying actions speak louder than the words I agree. Words matter. That's why people say I'm sorry. That's why people say I love you, right? And I also sit down and say to people, I go, it matters in here, too. If I have a client, and they have a shoulder injury, my bad shoulder, no, it's not. It's injured, injury is temporary. That is forever.

Language matters of Shakespeare, you know, what we named the thing the thing becomes a rose by any other name was his way of trying to negate that. But the truth is that what we call it is what it is. And the language of the day, around a it awful is like, whoa, when the reasonable Louise Hay became Louise Hay, with all of the power that she brought into the world with positive thinking is because when she started out, and she was holding her workshops with people who were dying of AIDS, she said, This is not an 18 an awful club. We are going to talk about what's working, we're going to talk about what's next we're going to talk about how to support each other moving forward. And it is not about the past, or what's so bad about this. It is about what's next and what's so good about what you're doing right now. Exactly. So I've been very blessed to have smart people in my world. So Kevin, take people into your world because I know you're a really smart person you give them let's let's talk about what are three things that you know work every single time to help people shift their mood and attitude.

First thing number one thing, okay, set the day right ahead. The minute you wake up, do not watch the news. Watch something positive. You put in because that's when your brain is really on fire. And I'm listening to motivational stuff. I'm listening to Dr. Wayne Dyer. I'm listening to Deepak Chopra. I'm listening to the mulligan brothers motivational. Second thing, get some type of exercise daily. Okay, and I don't know not to digress. I don't know if you remember the study in 2004. They took two hotels in Boston room attendants, which are mostly hispanic and black. It took two hotels, they told one hotel what they were doing for daily work met the requirements exercise, they told the other hotel attendants nothing. They came back three months later in the shift, right? Just that just a perception. Like people think, Well, I gotta sweat, I gotta go to the gym. No, you don't go for a walk, go for a swim. You know, do something as Matthew McConaughey would say break a sweat spray this way. The third thing I think, which is very important. You know what? Be careful. I want to say that. Surround yourself with the right team.

Oh, there we go. All right. We're gonna unpack each one of those really quickly. So the first one was start your day with the intention of how you want your day to go. If you want to give control of what's happening behind your eyes, between your ears to other people watch the news. It's called volunteering to be brainwashed in my world. If you on the other hand, you want to direct the direction of your day. Start your day with the direction you want it to go. Did I get that?

Absolutely. And let's stop till that A little bit people say, well, people say to you, and I've been saying this for years have have a have a great day. I'm like, No, I'm gonna make a great deck. It's my choice.

Well, you know, that's the title of our book, Make it a great day, the choice is yours. And that's our message into the world. So, and that's from the teen suicide prevention society, just so people know. That's my passion project. The second thing you said is really interesting. You said, get exercise every day and you tag back to that research project. And the reality is, all move. Ment matters. It all counts, dancing in your car at a traffic light counts, people. You've made it too hard to succeed in my mind. So the easiest way to succeed is just to let everything that you do

calculate what we say when I say move and improve and forget your ego is not your Amigo. It's not so Oh,

oh, no, no, we don't want to get into that argument. Okay, guys, I know when my ego was my amigo. It does happen.

It does. But see what what is. You can get into acronyms like Dr. Wayne Dyer. What is ego stands for edging God out the God within. In other words, the reason I say that if you want to dance in your car, dance in your car, if you want to, if you want to whatever it is, if you want to swim in the river swimming, who cares? You know, there was a great Seinfeld episode where Kramer was swimming in the East River because the chop helped us back. I mean, you didn't care. So when the one thing about that character, Cramer did not care about anything. And that's all people should be like one of my talks is, imagine if you took the two year old mind and put it in the 40 year old body, you wouldn't worry about failure ever again.

No, because what is it two year old? Do they just play, they just keep going. They just they're going to succeed. I mean, how many of us would have told our children when they fell down trying to stand up and walk? Oh, honey, you can't do that. It's going to be too hard. It's okay. If you never walk, we would never have done that to a two year old. But we do that to our 20 year olds all the time.

You might feel you might feel you might feel so what? So what?

Okay, so now we're going to talk about my pet peeve about bullying. And the way it's handled now. I think the worst thing that ever happened in this country was when we created safe spaces on college campuses. I believe that what we've actually done is taught an entire generation that they are not emotionally resilient enough to handle life that they need help to handle life. I would invite anybody who thinks that's a good policy to go watch the old movie, The bells of St. Mary's, all they taught resilience, they taught balance of power, they taught the fact that you are able to change and to be proactive in how you handle things. And then once it's done, it's done. When it's over, it's over. They were friends after that. We're not teaching that anymore. We are teaching people to be helpless and to be dependent, and I am not having it. That's why I do this podcast. Alright, so that was the second thing that you were talking about, about the movement,

not teaching perseverance and not teaching. One of my talks is you got to have grit for the grind. If you don't build some grit, you're not going to be able to grind and life can be a grind. It's beautiful. And it's also a grind. It's a dichotomy.

Hmm, it's beautiful, and it requires effort. And I don't think effort has to be a grind. I think it's a mindset. So language matters. You said it earlier. I'm going to tag you back to it. Grit absolutely fame favorite movie of all time. True Grit. I'm a John Wayne fan. Absolutely. Yeah. And Alright, so we unpack the first two. And the third one my brain went Oh, should have written it down, Jackie. Alright. You said three. Gavin, come to my rescue.

Make sure you have the right team around you.

Right team? Who, if you could say three characteristics of your right team, and then I'll give three characteristics of mine and everybody will figure it out for themselves.

I don't have to give you three I can give you one was that? It's a quote from Rumi. I believe it's Rumi after all this time. The sun never says that the earth there that gives me goosebumps. You owe me think what can be done with a love like that. It lights up the sky. Unconditional Love.

Okay, so I'm gonna unpack that just a little bit. So the right team around you is someone who accepts you and loves you exactly as you are and believes

right. believes in you believes in whatever mission it is. Whatever whoever you are, you know and takes you like when people say, Well, you know, my flaws, you don't have a flaw. You don't have to idiosyncrasy. It's your uniqueness. Like, I always remember that line from Harry Met Sally. At the end, when he says, I get you get that little clinical, but you know, I love the fact that, you know, it takes you 20 minutes to order a sandwich, that's what it's about, and go back to second for grind. No, grind, we're going to use language, getting grind to some people is a bad thing. I don't think it's a bad thing. I think grinding is a good thing. Because you know what? When you grind diamonds, they get better?

Well, I'll be I'm a big fan of grinding coffee beans.

I make coffee nervous, I don't drink any.

There you go. So you're right. It is about what meaning we assign to the words that we use, and what meaning we assign to the conversations that we have, and to the people around us. So people that I think are the right people are the ones who I can look at and say, You are perfect. And that's everyone who I choose to view as perfect. Because I'm the one in control of how I viewed these other people. You know what I discovered? I started teaching this about what attitude would you have, if you knew that you were working with the best in the world, you had the best clients in the world, the best trainers in the world, the best co workers in the world, the best team members in the world, the best whatever, that you knew you had the best in the world, what attitude would you have, and people were like, really into this. And then they're like, but but and I'm like no bots, when you start treating the people around you as if they are the best in the world for you. And they are and I can prove it. You know how you know that the people around you are the best in the world for you. They're the ones that are with you. So they're the best in the world for you at this moment. And the moment you start treating them that way. Three things start to change one, your energy level goes up to those who are willing to step up into that will step up into being the best for you. And those who are not willing to step up, well guess what step out. Because it will be too uncomfortable for them to be treated as the best when they don't believe they're the best. And you don't have to push them out of your life, they will simply leave.

It's I love how you brought up comfort, because one of the big things in yoga and martial arts, you need to get comfortable being uncomfortable. Mm hmm. Because that's management.

What we know to be true, is that when one person and a group changes, the group has to change, either the individuals change to be stay energetically aligned, or the group changes because some people leave. And it doesn't matter who is the grip changes. As soon as one person changes, changes happening, what I'm trying to do with this podcast, and I really appreciate it, Kevin, that you're here and sharing this with everyone. What I'm trying to do is help people own their ability to be change agents, that if you change, first thing it's going to happen is people around you are going to get uncomfortable and they're going to tell you change back they're going to do that and a lot of different ways. Okay, we get that. Expect that. Take a deep breath, allow them to shift to take some time with us. And then No,

I like that. I'm going to add to that because one of my quotes in my book I referred to a lot, as I believe it was either Mark Twain or Shakespeare. And this is deep. When people look at me sometimes like oh, you know, he lifts weights, whatever. And he's an athlete, he's not deep, but I am. You know, that's, that's the way that's just the way I'm like, I love when people say you wear your heart on your sleeve, like that's a bad thing. I mean, being being empathetic, makes me a good coach, good father, good partner, for somebody. Right. And the Fennec

anti journey because empathy can only come with authenticity

zactly there's a good word authenticity, and integrity. So this is a great quote, I believe it's Mark Twain could be it could be Shakespeare, but it's in my book a lot. And I think this is important for people that are going through this and to reset their brain. Forgiveness is the fragrance that has shed by the violet on the heel that has crushed it. And the first person the first person you get to forgive is you whatever it is, you know,

that's when you started and I said you something about the ego and he said your ego is not your Amigo and I'm like, Oh, absolutely, yes, it is when you understand what its role is the egos job is to help you survive. That's all it's there for. True, true. But when someone steps on you, the ego might say, Oh, they're trying to harm you. And the reality is, no, you just got stepped on. And if you don't attach any meaning to it, there's actually nothing to forgive. If you do attach a meaning to it, then forgive yourself for attaching a meaning and bless them as they go on, here's the good news. You don't have to keep them in your life. It whether blood contract, it does not matter. And most people don't know, you really do have a choice. And even if you quote, can't choose who you're around, you can choose who you decide they are to you. That's yours to control.

Absolutely. I like to I like that a lot. And one of the things I that comes right out of Buddha's Brain, right, what's called first dart second dot theory first, that is something that hits you a comment, whatever. And then second, Dart is your reaction. Or it can be a response, if it's your response is there's a language if you react, which most people want to do with this, fire this off, now I gotta get back at them now. And one of the things I say to clients, right, and I've been doing this probably for 10 years, people will say, I don't know where this come from, you probably would know this more than me, given what your field is. You're right about that. Why do we Why do we have to be right? So I say to clients, especially when it comes to anything fitness nutrition? I'm not trying to be right. I'm trying to tell you the truth and be effective.

When they tell you that you're right. And you are pushing back, you might want to wonder, what is the meaning you've made about what they said? Because what they could be saying is, Hey, Kevin, I agree with you.

Well, why can't we say that?

It's a language thing. And maybe someone listening to this podcast will start to question, well, the language they're using, and

I agree with you. And the other side of that is how many times as we grown up when you were a kid that's right, that's wrong. That's right. That's wrong. So it's almost inherent that we have to say your right versus wrong to start a fight versus you know, what, how about this is what when somebody tells me something, I don't say I don't say you're right about that. Go thanks. They're like, and that's thrown back when I mean, thanks ago, well for sharing that now. I learned something. Or how, yeah, years ago, many years ago, people who do some people, they would say no problem. Now why would somebody say no problem? If they did it for you? Shouldn't it be so a friend of mine and I started doing this and said NP no problem, we started saying M P, what's NP man? And what is np me My pleasure, because I wanted to do it for you.

My pleasure is what we used to say. And then we got the baggage of being busy and busy. The hallmark of, quote, success, which has nothing to do with your bank account, it just has to do with your calendar. And the reality is that where no problem I think really started from is that people were owning that badge of being busy. Let's go with my pleasure. Kevin, it has been my pleasure to have you on the show today. Thank you so very, very much for sharing your journey with

debt. I will say this. It has been my honor and a privilege to share my story as we say in Thai boxing. She's almost worth it. Couple cup. That means thank you very much.

All right, so we're going to have another conversation we'll be tagging it for the teen suicide prevention society because what we're doing with the talk that saves lives over there as we call it, emotional cage fighting, how to suicide proof your friends, you go I love that. Yeah, so I want to build that out and have a conversation with you. Yeah, there we go. You got guns. Me? I got grandma arms.

Don't you know a veterinarian? Do I know what a veterinarian? Probably

because these pythons are sick. I got you with that one.

All right. Everyone, thank you all for listening. As always, keep your brain on positive that's your job and no one else's.

be relentless.