Jan. 6, 2022

Soulful Parenting for a Peaceful and Happy Home

Soulful Parenting for a Peaceful and Happy Home

In this episode, we are joined by special guest Alissa Rose – a soulful parenting mentor!  Alissa (Mom of 4 children) is on a mission to help other moms create homes that they love while reducing stress and overwhelm. Home lives have been drastically impacted through this pandemic and Alissa talks about how some of the major challenges such as isolation - have impacted the stress levels at home. But you are not alone and Alissa has created a community for parents to connect, reach out via email to Alissa to learn more about her new virtual parenting group for busy moms starting January 2022.  Parenting can be chaotic and there is no shame in letting go of the comparison mentality and focusing on being present. Listen for tips to combat some of the common obstacles that we can encounter as parents to ensure you are building a positive healthy connection with your children despite the daily ups and downs. 

  

About the Guest: 

Alissa Rose is a soulful parenting mentor. She helps parents create awareness so that they can build peaceful happy homes with their children. Alissa empowers moms to reduce stress and overwhelm by mentoring them through their parenting journey, walking through any obstacles together, and helping them discover their inner power. This creates deeper connections with their children, to help them feel safe, seen, heard and allows them to thrive and bloom 

Links:

Email: healtogrowparentinginfo@gmail.com

IG@ healtogrowparenting

About the Host:

I am a financial professional, who specializes in helping people to achieve their financial goals.  My absolute passion is creating new possibilities in people’s lives by showing them the ropes when it comes to money. I’m here to spark healthy and positive conversations around wealth and investment and create a world where nobody is limited by their financial situation. I believe this begins with education and shifting our relationships with money. I love getting to witness people achieving their most ambitious goals and creating new possibilities for themselves and their families! 

 

I love your questions! Reach out to me anytime at:  

Email: kalee.boisvert@raymondjames.ca

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kaleeboisvert/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/wealthandwelln2

https://www.facebook.com/kaleeboisvertwealthandwellness/

 

Thanks for listening! 

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Transcript
Kalee Boisvert:

Welcome to the wealth and wellness podcast with

Kalee Boisvert:

me Kaylie Bob air. I specialize in helping people to achieve

Kalee Boisvert:

their financial goals. I have a love for all things numbers, and

Kalee Boisvert:

I'm passionate about financial literacy. My goal is to spark

Kalee Boisvert:

healthy and positive conversations around wealth and

Kalee Boisvert:

investment and create a world where nobody is limited by their

Kalee Boisvert:

financial situation. But wealth is just one piece of the

Kalee Boisvert:

equation of living our best lives. So join me as we explore

Kalee Boisvert:

both wealth and wellness topics. From your net worth to your self

Kalee Boisvert:

worth. Get ready to take confident action. Hello, this is

Kalee Boisvert:

Kaylee. And thank you so much for tuning into this episode of

Kalee Boisvert:

the wealth and wellness Podcast. I'm really excited for today's

Kalee Boisvert:

guests that we have on today. We're doing a topic that I don't

Kalee Boisvert:

believe I have touched on at all yet on this podcast, which seems

Kalee Boisvert:

crazy to me because it's a very important one. We're talking

Kalee Boisvert:

about parenting and I am a mom to a seven year old daughter. So

Kalee Boisvert:

I'm looking forward to this conversation as well. So today

Kalee Boisvert:

we are joined by Alyssa rose. Alyssa is a soulful parenting

Kalee Boisvert:

mentor. She helps parents create awareness so that they can build

Kalee Boisvert:

peaceful happy homes with their children. Alyssa empowers moms

Kalee Boisvert:

to reduce stress and overwhelmed by mentoring them through their

Kalee Boisvert:

parenting journey, walking through any obstacles together

Kalee Boisvert:

and helping them to discover their inner power, which creates

Kalee Boisvert:

a deeper connection with their children to help them feel safe

Kalee Boisvert:

seen heard, and allows them to thrive and bloom. I love that. I

Kalee Boisvert:

love that.

Alissa Rose:

Thank you for having me on.

Kalee Boisvert:

Yes, thank you so much Alyssa for being here.

Kalee Boisvert:

And I think that is so important in your approach. It sounds so

Kalee Boisvert:

much in line with what we talked about on this podcast and what

Kalee Boisvert:

I'm so passionate about. So I love that. Just to get started,

Kalee Boisvert:

you maybe want to share with listeners a little bit about

Kalee Boisvert:

maybe your journey and what brought you to this point of

Kalee Boisvert:

doing the work that you're doing now.

Alissa Rose:

Sure. So I have four children of my own. I have

Alissa Rose:

one that is older 19 I have an 11 year old, a nine year old and

Alissa Rose:

a six year old. So um, so in my parenting journey, I obviously

Alissa Rose:

had my first one very young, got married very young and probably

Alissa Rose:

about I think it was like five or six years ago, I had gone to

Alissa Rose:

a Tony Robbins conference in Calgary and at that time, on the

Alissa Rose:

outside, I really looked like I had it all together. I was

Alissa Rose:

president of the PTA for two years in a row I showed up to

Alissa Rose:

all my kids school events, I was a stay at home mom, I did all

Alissa Rose:

the stereotypical things that you would think people do and

Alissa Rose:

and really just had it all together. And on the inside, I

Alissa Rose:

was absolutely dying inside. So at this Tony Robbins seminar, he

Alissa Rose:

said something along the lines of what would you need to do to

Alissa Rose:

make the change in order to live your best life. And in that

Alissa Rose:

moment, I knew that I needed to leave my husband. So a year

Alissa Rose:

later, I had done exactly that. And for me, that was my rock

Alissa Rose:

bottom. And so I started taking personal development really got

Alissa Rose:

involved in that really found a spiritual practice and my coach,

Alissa Rose:

my life coach, my mentor, Sheila says there are two ways to

Alissa Rose:

change your life. It's either through affirmations, or blowing

Alissa Rose:

up your life. And that is exactly what I did. I blew up my

Alissa Rose:

life, left my husband that I had been married to for almost 20

Alissa Rose:

years, and basically started over as a single mom. So I have

Alissa Rose:

walked through the fire. And now I want to help other moms walk

Alissa Rose:

through the fire as well. I want to help them create homes that

Alissa Rose:

they love with their children and reduce stress and overwhelm

Alissa Rose:

because there are so many aspects of parenting that cause

Alissa Rose:

stress and overwhelm and it can really take its toll on how we

Alissa Rose:

show up as parents.

Kalee Boisvert:

Yeah, I love that and thank you for sharing

Kalee Boisvert:

that I think a lot of people can relate there are a lot of you

Kalee Boisvert:

know, single moms out there. It moms in you know, second

Kalee Boisvert:

relationships and things like that. So it's a it's a very

Kalee Boisvert:

common scenario that we you know, can very much I can relate

Kalee Boisvert:

to being a single mom to my seven year old daughter as well.

Kalee Boisvert:

So yeah, thank you for sharing that in that journey that you

Kalee Boisvert:

had and I think that is important that yeah, what you've

Kalee Boisvert:

gone through yourself and I love that now that you've gone

Kalee Boisvert:

through that yourself is just sharing and and helping mentor

Kalee Boisvert:

and teach people along Along the way that might be going through

Kalee Boisvert:

similar scenarios. And, you know, maybe it might be a bit

Kalee Boisvert:

different. But you're right, there's so many elements to

Kalee Boisvert:

parenting, there's,

Unknown:

yes, yeah. And I would even also add that, even if

Unknown:

you're in relationship, you're in primary partnership with the

Unknown:

biological dad of your children. That isn't to say that there

Unknown:

isn't pieces of self awareness that don't kind of carry over.

Unknown:

So my personal experience is that of being a single mom, and

Unknown:

a lot of the concepts that I teach, and that I walk parents

Unknown:

through, or that have relationships. And so it's a

Unknown:

relationship that we're specifically talking about to

Unknown:

our children, and how we nourish that through the context of self

Unknown:

awareness. When I don't, I don't know that it really matters,

Unknown:

whether they are single moms or married moms, or any range in

Unknown:

between.

Kalee Boisvert:

Yep. Yeah, it is. It's just it's a whole

Kalee Boisvert:

different scenario. And at every age to that your child goes

Kalee Boisvert:

through, it's like, you always think, Okay, I got through that.

Kalee Boisvert:

And then it's just like a different version of another

Kalee Boisvert:

one. They get to, yeah. So that's always interesting, as

Kalee Boisvert:

well. And it keeps me guessing. Um, what would you say are some

Kalee Boisvert:

of the biggest challenges you're seeing for parents right now. So

Kalee Boisvert:

with everything that we've been going through with the pandemic,

Kalee Boisvert:

it's really changed, probably what parenting looks like. And

Kalee Boisvert:

just because it's changed kind of our our home lives and what

Kalee Boisvert:

it looks like in our work lives. And so what would you say are

Kalee Boisvert:

the biggest challenges you're seeing people right now have to

Kalee Boisvert:

navigate?

Unknown:

Yeah, that's a good one. Definitely. I think it

Unknown:

varies from person to person. And one of the big ones that I

Unknown:

see is isolation, generally, people are working from home,

Unknown:

they've got childcare. Whether they do or don't, they're, their

Unknown:

children are probably home a little bit more often. They're

Unknown:

isolated from family members from community from connection

Unknown:

from people who were there, so to speak, village, playdates are

Unknown:

probably not happening as often. And then it brings up a lot of

Unknown:

mental health stuff, I think. So anxiety, depression, from being

Unknown:

isolated. And, and certainly I can speak for myself and I talk

Unknown:

about this a lot is, when my kids are home for long periods

Unknown:

of time, they fight with each other, and everyone goes a

Unknown:

little bit stir crazy. And so I think the lack of support and

Unknown:

the mentality of that we're all in this together, but we're

Unknown:

actually doing it alone. And so that's, that's the main

Unknown:

challenge. And then what I recommend is finding your tribe

Unknown:

and finding people that are like minded finding, perhaps

Unknown:

mentorship or coaching or community, a moms group, some

Unknown:

type of connection, where, even though you might be alone,

Unknown:

you're not actually ever alone. Yeah,

Kalee Boisvert:

I love that. You're right, it is that whole,

Kalee Boisvert:

we're in this together. But you're right. It's not like

Kalee Boisvert:

we're having to do a lot more on our own. We don't have the same

Kalee Boisvert:

supports that exist. My daughter was she's home for being done

Kalee Boisvert:

school now for the holidays. And she was on like her tablet on

Kalee Boisvert:

Messenger and playing dolls with her friend. And that was funny,

Kalee Boisvert:

and be creative. Like, I guess we say, like, you know, keep

Kalee Boisvert:

screen time down. But it feels like this is a good use of

Kalee Boisvert:

screen time because they're actually just playing with their

Kalee Boisvert:

toys. And yeah, it's she's an only child. So I've felt for her

Kalee Boisvert:

throughout that pandemic, because she didn't have as much

Kalee Boisvert:

opportunity to interact with other kids too.

Unknown:

Yeah, absolutely. That's a great reframe on screen

Unknown:

time. Because the narrative that we've been fed on some level,

Unknown:

it's true that screentime causes all sorts of things for

Unknown:

children. But on the flip side, it's a way for them to have

Unknown:

connection, just like when we're on social media, and we're

Unknown:

seeing what other people are up to its connection for us as

Unknown:

well.

Kalee Boisvert:

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Um, what about then,

Kalee Boisvert:

speaking of kind of social media, I think of like, as

Kalee Boisvert:

parents, oftentimes, there's, there's a comparison and I think

Kalee Boisvert:

the easy comparison to make is through social media. And, you

Kalee Boisvert:

know, what we're seeing or, or friends and them doing with

Kalee Boisvert:

their children or other family members on social media, and it

Kalee Boisvert:

can be like, I guess, really overwhelming sometimes. Because

Kalee Boisvert:

it's a guess often. I mean, with social media, you're oftentimes

Kalee Boisvert:

seeing the best of it are those perfect moments, and we don't

Kalee Boisvert:

get to see maybe the messiness. But, you know, as we're seeing

Kalee Boisvert:

it, we're not really processing it that way. And we're like,

Kalee Boisvert:

wow, they seem to have it all together. And they make it look

Kalee Boisvert:

so easy. And oh, they're, you know, baking cookies and doing

Kalee Boisvert:

this activity, that activity and you're like, well, now I feel

Kalee Boisvert:

like a bad mom because that's not what I'm doing. And I don't

Kalee Boisvert:

have time for that right now. And so for for people that are

Kalee Boisvert:

feeling that, that pressure of the comparison, and social media

Kalee Boisvert:

in the hole, I think you had it in one year. post that I saw

Kalee Boisvert:

about that hole, like kind of underneath feeling like it just

Kalee Boisvert:

feels a lot more messy than what other people have going on.

Kalee Boisvert:

Like, what would you say about that for people?

Unknown:

Yeah, you know, I always joke, can I just I say, I

Unknown:

am some version of a hot mess all the way, no matter how put

Unknown:

together I seem, there's always something something's gotta

Unknown:

give, right? So I've known mums that have a perfect spotless

Unknown:

house, and their mental health has declined. And, and I think

Unknown:

that's the thing with social media is it's this comparison,

Unknown:

it's this platform where we look at other people's highlight

Unknown:

reels. And it reinforces this program, especially for women,

Unknown:

of not being worthy, and not being good enough. And it's why

Unknown:

I'm so passionate about what I do, because I know it's out

Unknown:

there. I know, it's on social media, it's a part of what we're

Unknown:

consuming, and it's contributing to the mentality and program of

Unknown:

lack and really affect how we parent and how we show up as

Unknown:

parents when we think that we're not good enough. I recently did

Unknown:

a social media cleanse, and I was off social media for seven

Unknown:

days, which doesn't seem like a lot. But in the grand scheme of

Unknown:

how long I've been on social media, it was, it was huge. And

Unknown:

so I recommend that now to anybody struggling with that

Unknown:

kind of comparison mentality. Just get off, get off social

Unknown:

media. And really focus on this one of the things, the core

Unknown:

principles that I teach as being present in the moment and being

Unknown:

really just grounded into what is happening right now. And

Unknown:

being on social media. It's not only a way of numbing, and

Unknown:

possibly checking out, but it also takes us out of the present

Unknown:

moment, and can really slip us into anxiety. Yeah,

Kalee Boisvert:

absolutely. I love that. So maybe doing a bit

Kalee Boisvert:

of a cleanse, or if you're feeling that way, especially if

Kalee Boisvert:

you can't like reframe it and remind yourself because again,

Kalee Boisvert:

when you're going through it, I find that it's not in our heads

Kalee Boisvert:

like Oh, reminder, you know, we're seeing the best of the

Kalee Boisvert:

baths are not going to people are less inclined to share that

Kalee Boisvert:

vulnerable side. And so have if that's not still not working,

Kalee Boisvert:

and it's like you said, when you're just kind of like

Kalee Boisvert:

scrolling through for, for coping, or for Yeah, just

Kalee Boisvert:

blindly doing that, and not really putting a lot of thought

Kalee Boisvert:

in but then realizing afterwards, like you feel you

Kalee Boisvert:

don't feel as great about yourself, you're like, No, I'm,

Kalee Boisvert:

I'm not doing enough, or I'm not good enough. So doing a cleanse,

Kalee Boisvert:

maybe your idea of being so doing, like being present. And

Kalee Boisvert:

grounding. What is that? Like? Do you want to elaborate a

Kalee Boisvert:

little bit about what that looks like?

Unknown:

Yeah, and I think the mentality of of being in the

Unknown:

doing of everything, especially for moms, and especially around

Unknown:

Christmas, right, there's endless to do lists, endless

Unknown:

things on the go. And if that piece around, just taking a

Unknown:

moment and pausing. And so I just did a video on this the

Unknown:

other day, one of the things that that can look like is and I

Unknown:

know it sounds so simplistic, but breathing. And so taking

Unknown:

that moment to really focus in on the breath, inhale for a

Unknown:

count of four, hold for a counter for an exhale for a

Unknown:

count of four. And just grounding into noticing the

Unknown:

breath. You can also do like just noticing, like the thing

Unknown:

that you're touching. So if you're sitting down on a chair

Unknown:

does, notice how the chair feels underneath you. If you're

Unknown:

looking at something, just notice, okay, I'm seeing this,

Unknown:

observing your surroundings and bringing yourself back into that

Unknown:

present moment. And so and so that's what I mean by grounding

Unknown:

and becoming present. Just focusing in.

Kalee Boisvert:

Okay, I love it. What else do Oh, what about?

Kalee Boisvert:

Okay, so single parents? Yeah. When it feels like you're

Kalee Boisvert:

juggling a lot, you're wearing multiple hats. You're, you're

Kalee Boisvert:

doing it all? Um, are there any tips you have? Because a lot of

Kalee Boisvert:

that can lead to very much being stressed overwhelm? Yeah, it's a

Kalee Boisvert:

lot when you have the sort of you don't have necessarily that

Kalee Boisvert:

extra person around to support you through all of it when it

Kalee Boisvert:

comes to children. So any kind of ideas or tips for single

Kalee Boisvert:

parents?

Unknown:

Yeah, I just, that's a great question finding community

Unknown:

or tribe, people who are like minded who you can get like, not

Unknown:

maybe not even physically gather with but in some way have that

Unknown:

safe place to be able to just be and if you can't find that lead

Unknown:

into rituals and routines. And so what does that look either

Unknown:

when you get up in the morning, throughout your day, and at the

Unknown:

end of the day, and so I've often heard that this just feels

Unknown:

like one more thing that you have to do. And so, like, on

Unknown:

some level, yeah, it is just one more thing that you have to do.

Unknown:

If this is the thing that fills your cup, in order for you to

Unknown:

feel replenished, and then you can give more to your children

Unknown:

to yourself, that in itself is going to reduce stress reduce

Unknown:

overall, and it doesn't have to be big, it can be like, doing

Unknown:

five sun salutations in the morning, every morning just to

Unknown:

ground in focus on breath, and, and bring yourself back to

Unknown:

yourself, essentially, and then carry on throughout your day. So

Unknown:

it doesn't have to be big or time consuming just that that

Unknown:

piece around. What is something I do every day? That's for

Unknown:

myself, and it doesn't need to take more than five minutes.

Kalee Boisvert:

Okay, okay. And I find to like some of the

Kalee Boisvert:

struggle, I guess for me personally, one of the struggles

Kalee Boisvert:

as a single mom, that's also building a business and having

Kalee Boisvert:

big goals, like being a high achiever and saying, but also I

Kalee Boisvert:

want to do this, this and this in my career. And yes, I'm a mom

Kalee Boisvert:

and a single mom, too. I found myself really hesitant to share

Kalee Boisvert:

that I'm a single mom with people because especially in the

Kalee Boisvert:

business sense, because I always assumed that they were going to

Kalee Boisvert:

jump to conclusions about, well, then you're not going to be as

Kalee Boisvert:

invested, you're not going to take this serious, or if you're

Kalee Boisvert:

you know, if your child's sick or something, you're going to be

Kalee Boisvert:

gone. And so what would you say for that, when it's that whole?

Kalee Boisvert:

Like that thing about? You know, you can have it all? And then

Kalee Boisvert:

it's like, well, no, you can't have it all. So what, what, what

Kalee Boisvert:

is that? And how does that look? And how can we help, you know,

Kalee Boisvert:

in that internal battle, where it feels like, also that we want

Kalee Boisvert:

almost like we want society to believe in us and our

Kalee Boisvert:

capabilities to and not judge us?

Unknown:

You know, that? That's a great question. It's something

Unknown:

I encounter as well. And, and I would say be gentle on yourself.

Unknown:

And, and yes, you can have it all. And I would add to that,

Unknown:

that something's got to give. And so, for me, I have come to

Unknown:

realize that cleaning my house is just not as important as some

Unknown:

of the other goals that I have. And so sometimes my dishes get

Unknown:

left undone at the end of the night. And it's something I've

Unknown:

I've just made my peace with and so, so on some level,

Unknown:

absolutely, you can have it all. But what needs what what will be

Unknown:

less important in that thing just needs to be able to, to not

Unknown:

happen. And for me, it's cleaning my house. It's never

Unknown:

been important to me. I've never been one of those people that's

Unknown:

been really antsy about having to get everything cleaned before

Unknown:

bed. And so for me letting that go is not that big of a deal.

Unknown:

And for someone else, it could be something else completely.

Kalee Boisvert:

Yeah, I'm there with you. I'm like, cleaning.

Kalee Boisvert:

Yeah, my mom always comes over to point out my the messiness or

Kalee Boisvert:

thinks she has to clean I'm like, Mom, it's okay. Yeah.

Kalee Boisvert:

Okay. It's not the priority, I do the priority. I agree with

Kalee Boisvert:

you just so having that priority, and being okay with

Kalee Boisvert:

it. And knowing that, that something has to give like, we

Kalee Boisvert:

can't do it all, there's only a certain amount of hours in the

Kalee Boisvert:

day. And let's prioritize the things that are important. When

Kalee Boisvert:

it comes to our, our work lives or being parents and, and things

Kalee Boisvert:

like that. What about like specific kind of things that

Kalee Boisvert:

come up with kids? So I don't know, I think maybe the reason I

Kalee Boisvert:

haven't had a call like this, I just I feel like a lot of the

Kalee Boisvert:

times my daughter IV she's just, she's really easy and chill. She

Kalee Boisvert:

listens. She just, you know, I'll be like, hey, you need to

Kalee Boisvert:

clean your room. It's getting messy or okay, it's bedtime, and

Kalee Boisvert:

it's time to go to sleep. And she'll go like, there's not,

Kalee Boisvert:

there's sometimes a little bit of pushback, they'll be like,

Kalee Boisvert:

Well, no, it's this time and that's bedtime. Okay. So I'm

Kalee Boisvert:

like, I guess I've been lucky. But there is there is certs of

Kalee Boisvert:

things coming up. And sometimes where I'm like, What do I do

Kalee Boisvert:

here? And so some of the common challenges kids have and one

Kalee Boisvert:

that's coming for IV I think is just like with her school and

Kalee Boisvert:

friendships, it sounds like there might be some like

Kalee Boisvert:

bullying going on. What about for people that have kids that

Kalee Boisvert:

maybe aren't as good have, you know, listeners and, and causes,

Kalee Boisvert:

you know, or challenge us more or having kids get motivated?

Kalee Boisvert:

Like, you know, schools a big one too with Ivy. Apparently she

Kalee Boisvert:

hates school. And so that's always tough, too, because I'm

Kalee Boisvert:

like, I liked school. So I don't understand. And so things like

Kalee Boisvert:

that, like, is there kind of ideas for some of these common

Kalee Boisvert:

obstacles that parents experienced with their children

Kalee Boisvert:

at sort of different stages and ages? Yeah.

Unknown:

You know, so interesting, even though these

Unknown:

things are common across the board, on some level with all

Unknown:

children right up, I would say probably safe to say that, on

Unknown:

some level, all children will experience some kind of

Unknown:

bullying. All parents say oh my kids listening to me, there

Unknown:

seems to always be an underlying theme of, kind of get them

Unknown:

motivated for school and homework. And so while that

Unknown:

these things are common, every situation is so different and so

Unknown:

unique, every child is so different and unique, and each

Unknown:

child has, like their own way of doing things. So there isn't

Unknown:

really like a one size fits all solution for these kinds of

Unknown:

things. And often these things are a symptom of something else.

Unknown:

So I help parents dive deep into what is going on to a place of

Unknown:

self self awareness. And so what is the deep into the behavior

Unknown:

that they're experiencing their child to be having, but also to

Unknown:

do some reflective work on how they can show up for their kids?

Unknown:

And what's going on for them. So I'll give you an example. With

Unknown:

not being into school and doing homework. My parents are very

Unknown:

secular based. And so if I ever was not into school, that would

Unknown:

be very triggering for them. And so what is it about whatever

Unknown:

that situation or issue is, that is triggering the parent, and

Unknown:

then I help the parents work through that trigger, so that in

Unknown:

whatever way they feel best serves their parent child

Unknown:

relationship, they can show up and parent from the best of

Unknown:

their abilities where they're showing up as 100%.

Kalee Boisvert:

Okay, that's interesting. So seeing Yeah, why

Kalee Boisvert:

is it cause like, if it's causing that inner turmoil or

Kalee Boisvert:

anxiety or like, oh, like, at your wit's end about something?

Kalee Boisvert:

What is it? Because I found out I took it on vacation recently.

Kalee Boisvert:

And I had said something like, I want to walk down to the beach,

Kalee Boisvert:

like, let's go do that after and she was like, No, I don't want

Kalee Boisvert:

to do that. And I was like, inside, I'm like, oh, no, you're

Kalee Boisvert:

doing like you're in your head, you're like, I took you on this

Kalee Boisvert:

trip, I've paid for your like, even. And I didn't get these

Kalee Boisvert:

opportunities when I was a kid, because we weren't able to

Kalee Boisvert:

afford it. So that was probably really triggering to me. It's

Kalee Boisvert:

almost like not being grateful. And, and her having this almost

Kalee Boisvert:

like expectation and me wanting to be like, You're lucky that

Kalee Boisvert:

you're even getting these things that I would have not even

Kalee Boisvert:

gotten anything near as a child. And so I think that's what

Kalee Boisvert:

really bothered me about her her reaction when she probably

Kalee Boisvert:

wasn't, she doesn't know. It's so fascinating that,

Unknown:

that when we have children, where we're guiding

Unknown:

them through their human experience, we get to see them

Unknown:

as mirrors for our own triggers, right? They really highlight to

Unknown:

us what is, you know, because they're triggering things in us

Unknown:

are highlighting to us what is still yet to be healed, what's

Unknown:

still yet to be worked on. So it's such a fascinating

Unknown:

relationship that we have with

Kalee Boisvert:

them. Yeah, yeah. And they're still Yeah,

Kalee Boisvert:

but they're your little buddies that will stick around for

Kalee Boisvert:

anything, too. So I'm like, I'm lucky that little my little

Kalee Boisvert:

sidekick, totally, you talk about like, deeper connections

Kalee Boisvert:

with children. So that's, it's an interesting idea. And

Kalee Boisvert:

thought, too, that maybe we don't really consider as

Kalee Boisvert:

parents, like, how can we make sure we're forming these deep

Kalee Boisvert:

connections? I think as all parents, we want to have a great

Kalee Boisvert:

relationship with our children. But then yeah, it seems like

Kalee Boisvert:

sometimes the busyness of life or the you know, it's, well we

Kalee Boisvert:

have to do this and then you do this and that and that we have

Kalee Boisvert:

to get this done. And there might be moments where it's

Kalee Boisvert:

like, you've been there and been present with your children, but

Kalee Boisvert:

you haven't really felt connected. So I think that's

Kalee Boisvert:

like an important reminder and and how is that that we that we

Kalee Boisvert:

make sure that we're doing that on on a daily base basis with

Kalee Boisvert:

our kids?

Unknown:

Right? Yeah, so I mean, connection. When you when

Unknown:

there's a parent child dynamic sometimes it's that it can be

Unknown:

seen like that the parent is the authority figure and on some

Unknown:

level Yes, we are we're there to set boundaries and direct them,

Unknown:

but it's not not really from a place of you do as I say, and

Unknown:

when I say jump, you say how high and in my opinion anyways,

Unknown:

and and so that piece around connection is really allowing

Unknown:

them to feel heard. And seen. So in the case where you wanted to

Unknown:

go for a walk with your daughter on the beach, and she wanted to

Unknown:

do something else. Just really getting curious about Okay,

Unknown:

fine. What is it that you what, why don't you want to go for

Unknown:

what what is it that you would rather do? Is there a way that

Unknown:

we can come to a solution where both of us feel like we're

Unknown:

getting what we want so both of us feel like we're walking away

Unknown:

with a win. And and I think sometimes things get blurred?

Unknown:

Because when it's a parent child relationship, like exactly what

Unknown:

you say those things get triggered in us right and said,

Unknown:

Well, why don't you want to go for a walk? I paid for this

Unknown:

vacation, of course, you should want to go for a walk with me.

Unknown:

And and so it's, it's dealing with those things that come up,

Unknown:

and so that we can have better, deeper connections with our

Unknown:

children.

Kalee Boisvert:

Yeah, yeah, I like that. And I think it's

Kalee Boisvert:

important because it's when I see certain things in IV Yeah,

Kalee Boisvert:

it's almost that it is triggering but at the same time

Kalee Boisvert:

You're it's you don't want to like, don't want it, that part

Kalee Boisvert:

of them to go away because it's when they're, when they're

Kalee Boisvert:

objecting or having an opinion or saying something back to you,

Kalee Boisvert:

when we're having these, okay, we need to do this or that or

Kalee Boisvert:

giving direction or whatever it looks like and, and they say

Kalee Boisvert:

something. And it's, I don't know, some people might consider

Kalee Boisvert:

it talking back and stuff, but I always see it, as you know, I'm

Kalee Boisvert:

glad she's saying something, I'm glad she has a voice. And I

Kalee Boisvert:

don't want to be the person that makes that leave her because I

Kalee Boisvert:

know, I was very quiet and shy it child. And I felt like that

Kalee Boisvert:

was a really big struggle than growing up into, like my adult

Kalee Boisvert:

years was having is finding my voice and feeling comfortable

Kalee Boisvert:

enough to express it because it was like that thought of, you

Kalee Boisvert:

know, as a kid, it was like, you're not supposed you're

Kalee Boisvert:

supposed to be seen and not heard. And that was what I was

Kalee Boisvert:

seeing around me and what the parents had is, you know,

Kalee Boisvert:

opinions of how children are supposed to be and, and so I

Kalee Boisvert:

think that would did me a really disservice like you spent 10

Kalee Boisvert:

years of your adult life trying to work that out of you saying,

Kalee Boisvert:

Well, I do have a voice, I'm allowed to express my opinion.

Kalee Boisvert:

So I think, you know, making sure with our kids that we're

Kalee Boisvert:

remembering that like we're creating these little human

Kalee Boisvert:

beings like so they grow up, like they're going to be adults

Kalee Boisvert:

one day, and what we're doing now is molding and shaping what

Kalee Boisvert:

they're going to what they are going to live their lives like

Kalee Boisvert:

or how they're the things they're going to have to, you

Kalee Boisvert:

know, deal with. And we don't want to have to, I don't think

Kalee Boisvert:

any of us want our children to have to deal with like, you

Kalee Boisvert:

know, inner battles or going through years of therapy or

Kalee Boisvert:

something like that, because it's something that we did and

Kalee Boisvert:

not even, maybe inadvertently or not even realizing so I guess,

Kalee Boisvert:

understanding like how can we make sure that we're helping our

Kalee Boisvert:

children like supporting them, get getting these values in

Kalee Boisvert:

place like that. Self love and confidence and you know, these

Kalee Boisvert:

things that we want them to be and as adults and grow into, and

Kalee Boisvert:

I'm sure that everything we're doing now is probably very much

Kalee Boisvert:

shaping it like I even think of just kids with money. And with

Kalee Boisvert:

what I do, I'm always reminding people to teach your kids about

Kalee Boisvert:

money and talk to your kids about money, because they're

Kalee Boisvert:

gonna be adults that have money one day, and we don't do that.

Kalee Boisvert:

It's almost like we just, we don't necessarily remember that

Kalee Boisvert:

we have to prepare them for adult life. And, and these are

Kalee Boisvert:

the values we want them to have and, you know, living their best

Kalee Boisvert:

lives. So I guess how can we make sure that we're, you know,

Kalee Boisvert:

letting them, like grow up as these little human beings and

Kalee Boisvert:

that we can, in all ways possible create, like a healthy

Kalee Boisvert:

future for them as well?

Unknown:

Yeah, I mean, that's, that's so great. And I think

Unknown:

that, ultimately, is the goal for most people. And it's a

Unknown:

piece around that, you know, we have that awareness that, hey, I

Unknown:

have spent a large portion of my adult life unlearning certain

Unknown:

traits that didn't serve me, and how can I not pass that down to

Unknown:

my children. So first of all, having that awareness of, hey,

Unknown:

this isn't serving, and I need to do something different. So

Unknown:

the only way that we'll get a different result is if we do

Unknown:

something different, you always do the same thing that you've

Unknown:

always done, the same thing that you've always been taught,

Unknown:

you're going to get the same results. And so the first piece

Unknown:

is having that awareness. And then the second piece is then

Unknown:

creating a different result. So what is the thing that we need

Unknown:

to do be or have to be able to create a different, a different

Unknown:

result in our child and so I love what you said about that,

Unknown:

you know, you want your child to be able to come to you even

Unknown:

though it's triggering for you. And so, it's a piece around

Unknown:

like, Thank you, thank you for trusting me, thank you for being

Unknown:

honest with me. Thank you for feeling safe enough with me to

Unknown:

voice your feelings, even though I don't really like what you

Unknown:

said. And I'm feeling really upset and hurt right now. I just

Unknown:

want to thank you for being so honest with me, and let's figure

Unknown:

out something else. So that's, that's kind of the first piece

Unknown:

and so, um, and then secondly, to be able to, to once having

Unknown:

that awareness. What is the new possibility? And so stepping

Unknown:

into that piece around? That there are actually limitless

Unknown:

possibilities. And so when we step outside the box of what

Unknown:

we've always known, there are so many different ways and options.

Unknown:

And you know, I joke sometimes like, Yes, I'm, I'm breaking the

Unknown:

pattern of what has always been, but possibly, I mean, the

Unknown:

possibility exists, that I'm creating a whole other set of

Unknown:

issues, but I'm breaking the patterns that have always not

Unknown:

served me. So that's, that's where we'll just sit and focus

Unknown:

on.

Kalee Boisvert:

Yeah, I love that. So yeah, being aware of

Kalee Boisvert:

what those patterns were what didn't serve us and just saying

Kalee Boisvert:

reminding ourselves, you know, where that might be coming up.

Kalee Boisvert:

is so important. I think that's those are awesome ideas. And

Kalee Boisvert:

like you said, just saying, Thank you, that's a good, good

Kalee Boisvert:

approach being like, thank you for bringing that up or Thank

Kalee Boisvert:

you, you know, for being open to share that with me. Because you,

Kalee Boisvert:

you want that you want that open dialogue and communication. I

Kalee Boisvert:

love that. What about another thing I find I'm, I guess I'm

Kalee Boisvert:

using myself as I'm learning a lot. These are good, important

Kalee Boisvert:

lessons for me. But another one, and I think it has to do with

Kalee Boisvert:

money too. And I think of it's important because it's very much

Kalee Boisvert:

overlaps with what I do. But it's, it's like our money

Kalee Boisvert:

stories and what we're passing on to our kids. So for instance,

Kalee Boisvert:

I grew up very much, we struggled, and it was, we didn't

Kalee Boisvert:

have a lot when it came to finances, that was very much a

Kalee Boisvert:

stressful topic. And so that's what I grew up experiencing. And

Kalee Boisvert:

then I knew as a mom, now to my daughter, it was, well, I never

Kalee Boisvert:

want her to feel that I never want her to not be able to get

Kalee Boisvert:

what she wants or asked for. And so I feel like though the

Kalee Boisvert:

pendulum kind of swings too far the other way. And you're

Kalee Boisvert:

starting to, you know, be on the verge of I guess, like spoiling

Kalee Boisvert:

your child. And and so it's how do we find that balance? How do

Kalee Boisvert:

we make sure that we're not going so far the other direction

Kalee Boisvert:

because of something we went through that, that maybe it's

Kalee Boisvert:

like, you're sort of doing a disservice

Unknown:

in another way? Right? And so that's, that's why I joke

Unknown:

about, yes, I'm breaking the one pattern, but possibly in life,

Unknown:

creating a new one. And I think really, it comes back down to

Unknown:

the self awareness piece, that, that you have that mentality or

Unknown:

that awareness that that program, you know about that

Unknown:

program of lack, and, and while you don't want it to swing

Unknown:

completely the other way, where you're now creating a program of

Unknown:

we can have anything we want no matter what, and then possibly

Unknown:

creating another problem. It's that peace around self awareness

Unknown:

in that. What kinds of conversations are we having

Unknown:

around money. So I'll give you an example of something that

Unknown:

recently happened, I recently had my carpets cleaned in my

Unknown:

house. And when I talked to the guy, he said it was going to

Unknown:

cost X amount of dollars, what he forgot to tell me was that

Unknown:

it's X amount of dollars per hour. So when I got the bill, it

Unknown:

was probably about three times as much as I had expected to

Unknown:

pay. And my kids were like, can we make carpets, we're still

Unknown:

wet. And we're like, can we go sleep in a hotel tonight, I just

Unknown:

spent a lot of money, so no. And so really then being mindful of

Unknown:

the languaging that I was using, that it wasn't out of lack, that

Unknown:

we're not going to go spend the night in a hotel, because our

Unknown:

carpets are still wet. But but be mindful that enter money is

Unknown:

energy. This is a whole other topic that I'm sure we could do

Unknown:

another podcast on, the money is actually energy. And so while

Unknown:

sometimes it goes, it also flows back to us. And when we live in

Unknown:

a place of abundance, and not lack, that it'll actually just

Unknown:

come back to us. But we do have to be mindful and responsible

Unknown:

and have boundaries around how we're spending our money.

Unknown:

Because even though we live in abundance, we can't just spend

Unknown:

all willy nilly. And so I think it's the type and quality of the

Unknown:

conversations you're using, and having and really the languaging

Unknown:

that you're using, and having those conversations with the

Unknown:

kids and catching yourself. So that's the self awareness piece,

Unknown:

right? There's always layers upon layers to self awareness.

Unknown:

And, and so it's a self awareness piece around. Okay, I

Unknown:

just said that I spoke that out into the universe. Now. Now I

Unknown:

want to explain what I meant by that. And so having those

Unknown:

conversations with the kids.

Kalee Boisvert:

Yeah, that's, that's awesome. And I think,

Kalee Boisvert:

too, with what you're saying, and what I'm getting is, it's

Kalee Boisvert:

just that, you know, this takes more dialogue more open, like

Kalee Boisvert:

conversation and communication with our children instead of

Kalee Boisvert:

just being like, no, because I said, so. It's giving them an

Kalee Boisvert:

explanation. And, and it's just like, I think of it akin to

Kalee Boisvert:

like, training someone new for a position like at first you have

Kalee Boisvert:

to give them a lot of information when you're

Kalee Boisvert:

training. And, and you do a lot of like explaining, but you do

Kalee Boisvert:

it because you want them to learn it. Because if you're not

Kalee Boisvert:

then down the line, no one's going to pick up any information

Kalee Boisvert:

or learn anything and, and if you're just sort of throwing

Kalee Boisvert:

orders at them or saying, you know, just do this, this, this

Kalee Boisvert:

but not explaining the whys and the ins and outs that are going

Kalee Boisvert:

to learn it and then they're not going to be able to apply and go

Kalee Boisvert:

forward. So it's almost like having to take the long road

Kalee Boisvert:

with our children. Oh, it's like we're training them. We're there

Kalee Boisvert:

to we're teaching they're learning. And so we do have to

Kalee Boisvert:

give those sometimes long winded explanations and dialogue. But

Kalee Boisvert:

at the end of the day, it's to save us from having these

Kalee Boisvert:

conversations over and over again to

Unknown:

Yeah, I love that they're they're adults in

Unknown:

training. Yeah.

Kalee Boisvert:

And we're helping Tran. I love it. Okay,

Kalee Boisvert:

can you share just to be mindful of time I love this

Kalee Boisvert:

conversation. Like we could probably have lots more chats

Kalee Boisvert:

about this, but I know You have a new parenting group coming up

Kalee Boisvert:

that's starting, I think in the new year. So do you want to

Kalee Boisvert:

share a little bit about that with listeners?

Unknown:

Yeah, I'd love to thank you. So I just noticed that

Unknown:

connection is obviously missing during the time of COVID. And in

Unknown:

general, right, it's it's very easy to feel isolated as a mom.

Unknown:

I've joined moms groups in the past. And really, they've

Unknown:

affirmed to me my unworthiness. And that was the same thing that

Unknown:

we talked about earlier, just really feeling like everyone

Unknown:

else has it all together, and I am falling apart. And so it's a

Unknown:

place where not only do we build community and connection, but

Unknown:

also we'll be talking about different themes every month.

Unknown:

And so we'll talk about things like creating the possibility of

Unknown:

a win win for your child. What does it looks like for us to be

Unknown:

able to truly take self care, and that doesn't look like

Unknown:

bubble baths in a day at the spa. And then do some teaching

Unknown:

around that. And then it's also an accountability group. So

Unknown:

taking inspired action to create the results that we want in our

Unknown:

lives and with our children so that we can live peaceful happy

Unknown:

homes. It's a place where people can come check in we'll help

Unknown:

with these books, accountability group. And just some space and

Unknown:

time for us to actually create deliberate time for ourselves.

Unknown:

So it's two hours every month, where we're taking that space

Unknown:

for ourselves to create results in our lives. I love that

Kalee Boisvert:

I think that's such a good idea. And, and like

Kalee Boisvert:

you're saying, it's it's inclusive, it's welcoming. It's

Kalee Boisvert:

not that to make you feel like you're doing you know, you're

Kalee Boisvert:

not doing it right or to make you have the the guild after

Kalee Boisvert:

when you leave that that's the exact opposite of what is trying

Kalee Boisvert:

to do. And I think that's amazing. Like, I think for any

Kalee Boisvert:

parents, I'm very interested in joining. So I'll ask you for

Kalee Boisvert:

some details after and we can I guess we can share the link this

Kalee Boisvert:

will air early in the new year. So will you be able to share the

Kalee Boisvert:

link and I can add it to the show notes. Absolutely. Perfect.

Kalee Boisvert:

Okay. So I'll make sure I include that. I'll I guess we've

Kalee Boisvert:

got to wrap up for time purposes. But thank you so much,

Kalee Boisvert:

Alyssa. This was amazing. And I loved all your ideas. And it

Kalee Boisvert:

just it feels it feels comfortable. It feels good. If I

Kalee Boisvert:

love this kind of conversation about parenting.

Unknown:

Thank you so much for having me on. I really enjoyed

Unknown:

talking to you.

Kalee Boisvert:

Thank you. All right, thank you so much. And

Kalee Boisvert:

thank you everyone for your time and tuning in. And I will catch

Kalee Boisvert:

you on next week's episode as well. Bye for now.

Kalee Boisvert:

I hope you found value in this episode. And because I'm such a

Kalee Boisvert:

proponent of taking confident action, I want to pose a

Kalee Boisvert:

question to you the listener. What is one action that you feel

Kalee Boisvert:

inspired to take after listening to today's episode? If you enjoy

Kalee Boisvert:

listening, please subscribe and share with your friends and

Kalee Boisvert:

family. Thank you so much and I will catch you next time