Ask For Help with Mike Skrypnek

trigger warning, the Resilience Project provides an open space for people to share their personal experiences. Some content in this podcast may include topics that you may find difficult, the listeners discretion is advised.

Hello friends, welcome to radical resilience, a weekly show where I Blair Kaplan Venables have inspirational conversations with people who have survived life's most challenging times. We all have the ability to be resilient and bounce forward from a difficult experience. And these conversations prove just that, get ready to dive into these life changing moments, while strengthening your resilience muscle and getting raw and real.

Welcome back to another episode of radical resilience. I'm really excited today because our guest Mike Skrypnek., Nick is a big part of the global Resilience Project, believe it or not. I started off with a goal to wanting to write a book and I realized I had no idea what I was doing. And at the time, I was living in Pemberton, British Columbia, and someone tagged me in a workshop that was happening in Squamish just down the highway, and it was Mike's, and it was how to write a book. And so I took his workshop, I hired him as a business coach, and he is the reason that pulsing through my veins, Rod reel stories from an entrepreneur exists. He is the reason that I have still pursued my dream of the global Resilience Project book, which is coming out soon. And he is the reason that he's here today because he's amazing, and I appreciate everything he has ever done for me. Like script Nick is the catalyst that ignites your passion to help you make a cosmic ripple effect. He knows that the multiplier of entrepreneurial success extends through generations. At our core, we all seek happiness, calm and love in our lives. This is true personally and professionally. The right ideas and strategies move us from the limits imposed on us by money to purposeful impact. We seek people processes and systems to help us strip away our fear of losing time to unproductive work, or distractions that prevent us from the freedom we desire. Mike is an international best seller of eight books, a paid public speaker and sought after business coach who has shared his insights and wisdoms with 1000s of passionate purpose driven entrepreneurs, business leaders and executives. His grow, get give philosophy and training guides you to focus on your impact, freedom and dreams. So you receive all the money, time and energy that you need. Mike lives loves and adventures with his wife and two young adult children in the beautiful Sita sky corridor of British Columbia, Canada. And Mike, I am so stoked that you are here. Welcome.

Thank you so much, Blair. Thank you. I'm humbled. I'm glad that you know sometimes you don't know we have we met a couple of years ago, right. Almost a little bit, maybe even more. And actually was over three now. Actually.

Yeah, it was before Shane's heart attack.

Yeah, I think it was pandemic time. But it was no, it wasn't, it was beforehand. Yeah. And, you know, you, I've always loved being in the coaching role. And often, after years go by sometimes you don't understand the impact you get to make in people's lives. So, you know, I'm grateful for having that opportunity.

Yeah, and, you know, it's, it's funny, because I like to say that, like time has no essence and pandemic. And so when my father was given the diagnosis of a terminal illness is when the global Resilience Project, it was called I Am resilient project at that time came to be, and so it must have been early 2019 That you and I started working together. And now here we are early 2022. And, you know, I just I'm really excited to kind of dive into your story of resilience.

Yeah, you know, and it's funny I was contemplating on this morning before this, this call was that, you know, what is resilience? What defines resilience? I'm going to do a conversation about bravery and courage as well, you know, inspired by what's going on in Ukraine right now. And I sometimes I wonder if it's if it is about resilience, and maybe its resilience that we don't know we have, you can identify things that you think make you resilient or you know, the the hardness in a good way, like the calluses we build that protect us not to prevent other things from coming in to make us able to function when things get tough. And, you know, I was thinking about I had a I had a crisis this year, or in 2021 and it was brought on clearly by you know, an insurmountable amount of challenges and difficulties and pressure and stress and you know, everything and I found myself had a moment, you know, mid September where I thought that, you know, this is it, I don't know how I got myself into this moment, my business felt like it imploded, it kind of did. And I was at a loss for the first time in my adult life. And I thought that maybe the best option was to no longer be in this world. So for the first time, in 51 years, I had contemplated that ending my life might be a better forward path. And, you know, when you start putting pros and cons of that activity in your head, or into the thought pattern, you know, for me, for me, it's the non starter, but the fact that it was on the page, even scared, you know, if and if you don't mind me, scared the living shit out of me. And I was in a pretty dark place for about 10 days. And, you know, at that moment, I reached out to some professional help. So it's kind of the beginning of a journey, for me to deal with things that you know, the resilience, you speak of resilience, you don't know that you were resilient for 40 years, when you have a secret when you keep secrets, that you you know, surrounded with guilt, and shame and embarrassment, and you think you've got stuff under control, and by all rights, everybody looking in from the outside, because, yeah, you know, that person, they're doing well, they're successful, or they're, they have some kind of success. And, you know, in some ways, they might want to have some of that for themselves. And, you know, then then there's the person living within it, being resilient, you know, doing what we have to do to survive in life, building up, you know, those calluses, persevering, you know, all those things to be associated with resilience and courage and, and then, then there's this moment, there's these moments with throughout the entire life of that person, that they realize that they're just never exceeding or reaching their potential. And you know it, and you know what, dead on and then there's patterns that emerge. As part of your resilience, the irony is that we do things to create circumstances by which we can survive, which is our resilience, but subconsciously, they also keep us from reaching our potential. And, you know, I can look back and see, you know, sequence after sequence after sequence pattern after pattern. And, you know, mine is very clear to me, of where you reach a certain point, and then everything kind of blows up on you. The good thing is, the one that caused this deep depression for me, you know, in retrospect, wasn't really the same pattern that had been plaguing me in the past, although it was a pattern. And I felt that there was no way I could move or exceed or go forward. If I didn't seek professional help, and deal with the challenge that I had been living with the childhood trauma, the abuse I'd suffered at 11 years old. You know, if I didn't do that, I couldn't move forward. But if I dealt with it, then I'd have, you know, I think the world would be my oyster in that way. And, and, you know, having gone through intense therapy for three months, to three months, in 2020 21. It's no less than miraculously deal with stuff. Through professional mechanism. I went through therapy and EMDR as well, and

things changed immediately. And I, you know, looking back, I'm like, why did it take me 20 or 30 years of my adult life to not deal with it, I get the kid part. Because you just bury shit, and you just hide it for the time being. But that's a that's a survival mechanism. But as an adult, you know, I really wish someone might have pushed me harder for

that. Well, oh, my gosh, Mike, thank you for sharing. First, I'm really glad you're still here, because the world needs your message. I am so proud of you for reaching out and getting help. Second, yes. If you're listening to this conversation, it's not too late to get therapy. And what you did Mike was so brave, because you were thinking that it was the end. And you made a choice. Or maybe we can dive into that a bit more but you chose to keep living and to fight through it. And to tackle those demons. And a lot of people don't or they escape and they numb and you are here on this earth in this body for a reason in this lifetime. And you went through some hard shit. But here you are. Hear you are to tell the story, you made it out the other side of that rock bottom, so that you can heal and tell your story. And it that does take a lot of vulnerability because really bravery is vulnerability. And as an entrepreneur, I know how challenging it can be. Because you're trying to decide what to share what not to share. But at the end of the day, we're all people going through shit, and the world is heavy.

Men, especially middle aged men in business, will suffer silently. I have a number of men in my life that have been around me over the last decade, who have committed suicide, who I maybe knew, somewhat and or maybe didn't, but were in my circles, business. And, you know, you never hear why. And I get why. And it is not socially acceptable, when you're a leader to share. You know, in my case, I was sexually abused a couple of times by a senior, highly recognized, highly respected part of our community. And, you know, you don't, you don't usually wear that one on your sleeve. And then you develop all these ways of resilience, which, you know, quite frankly, bullshit, because it wasn't being resilient, it was not dealing with the issue, and it was the best you could do. And there's no retrospective, you know, harshness to this opinion, it's just, you know, you have to survive, and so you do what you need to do to survive. And then you though, create patterns and habits that are related to that, but not applicable. You know, in business, the habits I formed to survive are the patterns. They weren't, they weren't very applicable to the business world, like, I shouldn't have gone through them, but I did, because that's just my mechanism. And it's fine. It is what I did to survive, and it worked quite well. Except there were there were some deep flaws and how, how it worked for me. But, you know, I hadn't held a secret for 40 years. I told nobody, maybe my, my wife and one other significant other I had prior to our marriage, to women, and women were always where I could trust because this was a man who committed these acts. And for me, my wife had also thought I was okay. You know, she's the closest observer of my life. And she thought I was doing okay, she thought I was handling things. And the reality was, is I clearly wasn't because I went to this moment, and I, I have a pretty, you know, and in line of our actions when we're dealing with trauma, or we're not Well, our ego based, we're worrying about ourselves, because we have to protect ourselves, we have to prevent other people from getting us, you know, all these different psychological traits. And, you know, the same would be for committing suicide. I, you know, there was no way even though it got on the list of things to do. It was there was no way the box this could ever have been checked. I, I didn't want to, like do that. I have too much hope and optimism. I'm too good to not, you know, um, you know, I felt like, yeah, I need to be here and my family, you know, I just couldn't do that to them. Because it's the people who live who are dealing with the crap not the person who's gone, you know, and ultimately, I couldn't have it go wrong. Yeah, cuz I didn't want to survive it. I didn't want to go through that torture, if you will. So, you know, I, I have come out of this, of these moments. And again, I'll go back to this no shortage of America, when you reach out for real help, professional help, you know, something maybe that would have been great in my 20s. But it was in my 50s. So what it is what it is, and but when you go through that, prior to October of 2021, two people in my life other than me in the abuser knew my entire family found out when I told them and it was amazing. My network of friends and people in my life and business people slowly but surely started to hear and I have no shame. I have no guilt, of no embarrassment. It is a situation that was real and happens to two out of five or two out of six men, and no one talks about it. So men need to talk about it and they need to talk about early. I'm currently interviewing every Friday men for a project I'm doing called unlimited worth, which is a book project and who knows what else for to teach lessons of happiness and love and success for men who've survived and thrived from leaders who've thrived after healing from trauma. So, yeah, I'm just trying to hang out with a few good men.

Yeah, it sounds it sounds like it. And, you know, I admire you for turning your pain into purpose, because that's something that I found a lot of comfort in as an entrepreneur, and I really appreciate your you know, your ability to articulate what happened and the process you're going through and be that catalyst for other men who need a safe space, need to have those conversations. You know, I, if you're open to it, I have a question. You know, you said you had a really dark 10 days, where you were contemplating suicide, you made it to your to do list, but like, you didn't go through with it? What was that catalyst at the end of those 10 days where you knew it was time to get help? And how did you do that? Did you ask your wife to help you to do reach out? Did you Google like, can you walk us through those those, those final days? Because maybe someone doesn't know they're there? And they're listening to this? And we want them out of that space? And not, you know, going through with the checklist?

Yeah, I mean, I had, I had every emotion, you know, I experienced the shame, the guilt, the lack of interest in dealing with anybody, the hopelessness. Just complete withdrawal, full on depression. And, you know, and fear. And, you know, I was gripped by that, like, I couldn't function for that time. But I was, you know, functioning, if you will, I was getting through the days, my family was well aware that it was in a bad place, and I just didn't know how to get out. I'm fortunate. I have a lady in my life, who is who was a client of mine in the financial services industry. We did some work together in the coaching industry. I helped her write one of her books, who and she's a psychologist, and P, a PhD in psychology. And I called her actually texted I texted her, I said, I need help. I said, Diane, I need help. And I need to talk like today. And she said, Okay, let's do that. And she was there for me. And then we spent some time, this was like, a Friday when I did that text, and I knew that I was safe with her. I knew that she's non judgmental, she did know some of my past because we had done some work before. But, you know, it was kind of super, it was really a simple process. And she opened herself up to me professionally and personally. And you know, that conversation turned everything around. It didn't fix everything. But it sir, it turned the page and the page was, you're right. What if I went into a hole and stayed in bed? What if I, you know, didn't get out of bed for three days? What if I just called it a day? What if I went and killed myself? You know, she walked me through that, you know, and all of the answers were not, you know, like, I'm like, Okay, this is stupid. This is a stupid process. Why are you doing this? She goes, Well, Quit fucking around time to get your shit to get like she's a good friend. Right? So she doesn't hold any bars with me. And but it was enough to get me to the next stage, which is, how do I get functional again, and I could not reach out I needed to get my business back live because it was dying. It was dead. It was zero. I had zero revenue coming in from that point for the foreseeable year. Right. That's where my business was. And I had to, in order to not to pay my bills, I had to get on the phone and work or email or whatever, right? I couldn't. So the only thing I could do was create. And so after that 10 day window, and after this kick in the button, I started to create, and that was I kind of was a little bit manic about writing every single day and posting on LinkedIn. That's just my platform. And I was able to do that. And it helped me it was therapeutic. I didn't like talk about my issues. I was just topic. Next topic. Right? Right. Right. And for me writing was the was the cure, to getting back into kind of somewhere in humanity. And then I found I looked up another individual I needed a man to help guide me who was a high quality psychologist and counselor who did EMDR because this is trauma and it was a trauma based experience. And I needed to get out of that anxiety and that intense sense of trauma that people who've gone through it that PTSD. I needed that out of my life. So I could do with some regular stuff with a calm head, so I found a fellow in Vancouver. And he was able to meet with me. And we started a process, which ended in December. And so from October through December, those few conversations with my friend who is a psychologist, this new fellow who's now a friend, and a good man,

you know, helped me open up and talk to my mom about it. My kids, like my kids, I told my kids about my challenges. And everybody was in, they said, We'll carry the freight. And so you figure out that you you're being resilient because you think other people won't carry the freight for you that they won't lend a hand, they won't give it our hearts to you, and you're not worthy of the love that they're giving. And the reality is, they're always there, they're always ready. And they'll always give you the love and carry the freight. You know, the people in your life who care about you, most will do that for you. And men tend to always carry the burden of doing it for everyone else. And that and never giving out reaching out and asking for help. And so that process started to just help me emerge. But I was still screwed, like I was not doing well. I was like, I gotta find a job. I can't go, I can't go out and find people to work with me, I'm a disaster. Why would anyone want to, you know, work with me and I tried to get work. For two months, I sent out 250 applications, apparently, I'm on hireable, which is kind of an interesting aside. My resume is pretty good. Anyways, but after my intense, a two week period of intense treatment, basically daily for two to three hours of EMDR and counseling. And after the end of that, the entire world open up the universe will opened up for me, business started calling me, I started getting Opportunities Project started right away. And I didn't reach out to anybody, it just started happening. And you know, that's an important part of where you are, when you're limited, and you feel unworthy. And we have a lack of self worth, and limitations and fear and shame and guilt. You're always operating at 90% or 60%, or 95%, whatever that is, you're never operating at your full potential. And it felt like the moment I got to that other side. I became unlimited. Every opportunity is unlimited. I'm worthy. I trust, being able to talk like this, and I'll be fine. People aren't going to all, you know, navigate, you know, gravitate to this conversation. But you know, the hell of them. It's okay, I'm good. I used to worry that everybody would be pushed away and I wouldn't have nobody around anymore. But the reality is, you know, it doesn't even matter.

I yeah, like I think what you're saying is so like, I I don't know what you I can empathize with what you went through. But as someone who speaks about my personal life a lot in business, I understand. And as someone who has been doing this for years, the right people work with me the wrong you know, the ones that aren't interested or not the right people, they're not in my sphere. Before we go on what quickly what is EMDR

it's it's no I hate I hate that I always forget the actual what, what it stands for eye movement, desensitization, desensitization and reprocessing. So it's a process, some people kind of relate it to a hypnotic hypnosis style. But it's, it was definite. It's been widely used and was heavily used in people who have suffering PTSD. The military, really, there's a ton of studies that have been able to support the use of this because it's just so what rampant and it's so effective. It is almost like a miracle. And it's really weird. And I say it's really weird, because you're, you're it's an eye movement, bilateral kind of thing. And it's just, it's just an odd, it feels like how can that fix my brain, but it's about rewiring the neural pathways, where you have preset that because trauma, like locks you in, especially as a child, and for men, which was interesting in my studies, in my research was the average age of a male who's been sexually assaulted is 11.4 years old. That was precisely my experience in my time, and it locks in that trauma. And then the pathways that get set are all about how you protect yourself from further damage. trauma. And so the survival pathways get preset at that moment. And so EMDR is a mechanism, just one mechanism of rewiring those neural pathways to change how they behave in that survival moment, you don't rely on those and change your thought patterns. And when you begin to rewire those, you begin to be more open and you get tools, and there's no anxiety. The big thing is there's zero anxiety with both circumstances, when you think back to what happened, and how you think the rest of the world is dealing with you. Right? I always protected myself, right, there was always a protection piece. And one of them is I used to, you know, pick really, really exciting, entrepreneurial, you know, men who were just totally successful to work with, like, that was where I gravitated, I loved high performing men, right. But the problem is, is I didn't like high performing men that were good with good intentions. I liked people who were extremely, deeply flawed. So every time I would get into bed in terms of business with these people, they would blow shit up. And I would be a huge victim because I was all in. Right? And that was the repetition. I was like, Ah, how do I do that again, and I just kept repeating that. So I'd be with these amazing, charismatic, innovative entrepreneurs. And I'd be their right hand person going into battle when I was younger in my 20s. And they would just completely blow up. They were cheap, scoundrels, liars. You know, they were so deeply flawed that it was always too late. By the time it was all revealed. And, you know, that was a pattern that really cost me dearly, financially. But it also set some real protection mechanisms and how I didn't, I stopped bringing in men to my life, I thought, that's one way I'm going to be okay is I'm not going to bring any leadership men into my life. And then I repelled them all along, somehow, subconsciously. So now I don't have I don't have that sense of it. EMDR is completely erase that for me. And immediately, immediately, two things happen. incredibly good men of high caliber. And in high intelligence, and high whatever high worth immediately started talking to me, out of nowhere, people were either in my sphere or barely. The other was, a number of men reached out to me, I said nothing publicly about my healing. Men reached out to me during December, that were going to kill themselves that had contemplated it that had deep secrets that had just been unveiled, like, men reached out to me, who I never had that communication with whatsoever. Because they needed my help at that moment, and I gave it to them.

It's like your whole vibe and energy changed. And the universe at a higher power was working.

No question. Yeah, it's always in for me, I've always said that. It's not the physical bits and pieces and molecules, it's the space in between. And when you're in a trauma based protection mode, you know, this resilience protects you from that space. And it just when you get to open that up, you get to share your space, it becomes part everybody becomes part of the same. And and for me, that was that's just been huge. It doesn't solve all your problems in business. But it certainly what it does is take out the terror, that you're no longer afraid like, I'm not in by any mean, looking forward ahead to my business right now going this is a secure business I feel really good about, however, it's in a really good place. And there's some really great things going on. So and the other stuff I'm not worried about. So I'm not acting from a place of fear or scarcity, you know, it's always abundance and openness and worth,

um, something you touched on a bit earlier. I think we just quickly touch on before we wrap up the interview, I have a couple more questions. But this is really important because you actually had someone in your circle who was a psychologist who was able to help you. First of all, there are no coincidences. And so she was in your life for a reason. You helped her she helped you and it's great. What about those people who are listening who are in those dark days in those 10? You know, your 10 days where you've contemplated suicide? If someone's listening to this, and they're thinking about suicide, but they don't have a psychologist in their life, what do they do?

Reach out to any professional one? 800 Whatever. It doesn't matter,

people that's actually not a phone number. Don't do don't actually dial one and 100 Sorry, one, Google look, what should they Google? Suicide Prevention.

That's a helpline suicide prevention. You know, one of the things I think that a lot of People consider is that oh, how can someone in a psych I don't do psychology stuff. They're they're flaky people, they're you. They talk about things in my feelings I'm suffering right now and I need help. The key is is they know what they're doing. They're professionals. They're trained 99% of the professionals who call themselves psychologist, have a degree of training and can get you out of that moment. All you need to do is get out of that moment. So that the next moment you can do some research, find people I needed EMDR because I had distinct trauma in my life. That was physical, it was sexual. It was an awful event. That is an easy thing. Two psychologists or counselors that do EMDR in my neighborhood, boom, you will find a bunch. And these people can help you. Yes, you have to ask. Here's the thing. Shame. I didn't ask for 40 years Blair. I didn't ask till I was so afraid that I might do something stupid. I should have I should have the whole way along. If anyone is ever listening, that is contemplating their challenge that they go, Yeah, I've had this trauma, I'm navigating this, you're not navigating it, it will bite you in the ass. At some point. I didn't navigate it. Someone should have had a strong position to me. And guess what? They're fearful. They feel shame. They feel guilt. I feel incredible guilt. This person went on to molest a ton of people. I didn't say a thing when I was 11. I couldn't I don't blame myself. But I know that dozens of other boys were traumatized. And boys had killed themselves. And I know boys went on to travel traumatize other boys as men, like, this is a terrible thing. I had enormous guilt and shame over it. I don't have that guilt and shame today. I don't feel that. And that's what you need to get over in order to get well is you need to come to the other side of what those words mean. And that's the book, I mean, the book that I'm writing is going to talk about those words, because they're, they're heavy. And they're the thing that prevent you. So your sphere, your fear, your guilt, your shame, your embarrassment, those things are the only thing standing between you and unlimited worth and getting well again. And so you got to understand that everybody on the other side of the professional phone, they get it, they understand it. This is their day to day. Your story.

I it's funny, it's not funny, but that's not the right word. I was actually going to ask you prefer advice you just gave it. But you have, you have this like immense amount of wisdom. And you know, from our last conversation, which was many moons ago, you are carrying yourself differently. Because I knew you before you dealt with the trauma, and you just seem like a completely different person. And I'm excited to get to know this, this version of you. And our listeners are so lucky that you are here to share your story because someone listening needs to hear this. And when you are ready to start doing your book promotion, you that you tell me wherever this this radical Resilience Project, you know, if the podcast is here, or social media and everything, I will help you promote this because this is information that people need you shared your stat earlier was it? What was it?

Two and six? At least I think it's higher, but two and six, at least talk have talked about it men have been or living with childhood trauma, please that one in three seconds. That's sexually abused. I'm not talking about other forms of abuse. And I you know, I'm lucky I wasn't an addict. I didn't I'm not recovering. I don't have a recovery story here. You know, I'm meeting men who have the recovery story and then have to deal with their trauma. Like there's a double edged sword, people in recovery, addicts addiction, like there's so much trauma based. I've been lucky now I've had eight interviews in the last month and a half with men who are just absolutely astonishing. And you know, another thing Blair, for me, like on a business level, because you have to solve some of the challenges mine wasn't, I didn't destroy my personal relationships. I just had a lot of business challenges. My family has been a core of love. My parents and my growing up was a core of love. Like there's always been that and I'm lucky I'm very fortunate because if I hadn't, I probably would have been a stat, I would have been an addict or dead. It would have been pretty simple or I would have been abusing other people. Okay, those are probably the three outcomes if I didn't have the love and security of a good family life. These, my curiosity is the patterns, the patterns that we've used to resilience we built, this is an it's an it's crazy, because I think of it in a good way. But this is a negative is it's the patterns we built to survive. And, and we had no choice. And then we had no consciousness about it. I'm curious about men who've been successful in spite of that, and then had a crisis and are on the healing side now. So I want to look at both because the message I have is, it is a miraculous change. When you are finally on the other side of healing. Your life changes profoundly. And mine is only three months into really,

yeah, just near the beginning of your journey. I mean, but it's different.

And there's no going back. Like, that's the great thing, there is no returning to that previous person. And it's the pivot, that was an absolute change for me. So that's, that's the message is that if you're wondering, you know, if I should deal with this, I have this thing, but I seem to be okay, you're not okay. And you need to deal with it. And you need to like, deal with it today. And you bring in the team, and they'll help you. Right.

So that was your advice. The whole podcast is advice. Here's just

my advice is, you don't have to be honest with everybody in at once. You know, be honest with yourself and a professional first. The people that love you most in your innermost circle. Yeah, guess what, they will be perfectly fine. When you tell them what your trauma was, they will be fine. And they will not only do that, they'll rise. And you You never bet they could rise. Because you're a successful leader. This is the man I'm talking to, is you thought you could carry all of this, everyone else will carry more than you could ever imagine. And you can trust that. And then your journey can begin like it's it's powerful.

That is powerful. You're not alone. Like you're not going through this alone. They're professionals, your family, your friends, you have a support network. And, you know, Mike, where can people find you if they want to connect with you and work with you and follow you and your story.

If they can spell my name, they can find me on LinkedIn. And that's my sole point of social media access that I spend any kind of time on. And contrary to the social media peoples out there, this is I pick one platform. You can find me at Mike script nick.com. And if you're a man who is on the healing side of a journey, and you've been in you know, you find yourself rather successful, and you'd like to talk about this, I'm doing interviews with Mike script like.com forward slash unlimited worth project. That's where they can find me.