Overcoming Crisis and Finding New Purpose | MAG006

Okay, so I'm just gonna hold off with the recording Welcome to magnetize Podcast is your girl Grace, Oben. Oh my gosh. Today we have an amazing guest, Ekene Balogun. So Ekene Balogun has a BA MA in counseling psychology and has worked with children, youth, individuals and families for over 25 years. It can I started her career working with high risk vulnerable youths, young mothers and victims of sexual physical and emotional abuse. In London UK, I can I have a wealth of experience working with individuals that have experienced trauma, depression, grief, self harm, anxiety, stress, bullying and anger. It can I graduated in 2004 with BSc in social work or social science, and criminology after graduating Ekene worked with the Metropolitan Police in London UK, then went on to work with the biggest charity in London, and NSPCC, to protect children from child abuse. After migrating to Canada in 2012, a candidate went on to to complete a Master's in Counseling Psychology and nervous to find the unique blend that is best for her clients. There is a famous quote that says life is 10% of what happens to you. And 90% is how we react to it. So true. Ekene believes we gain important pieces of wisdom through experience, Ekene's goal is to reconnect individuals with the hope that change can happen. Barriers can be broken and that the quality of a person's life can be much maximized. Help me welcome Ekene Balogun, the beautiful Ekene, I cannot thank you so much Ekene, for being here. It is an honor. It's a privilege. Thank you for being you for showing up. You look amazing, by the way. Thank you. How are you doing today?

I'm actually good timing. Like I said that nervous. Because I'm this is my first time doing something like this, but I see how powerful it can be. So I'm, I'm looking forward to this conversation.

Amazing. Thank you so much. We are honored to have you here today as our guest at magnetized podcast. So I will dive right into having this discussion. You know, so we are talking about you a year to share a story, a crisis, a time that you went through that you believe changed you and made you the woman, the person that you are today. So can you briefly describe the major crisis or awakening experience you went through?

Yeah, you know, I think this was one of the biggest ones for me because it literally changed the trajectory of the path I was on. When I moved to Canada in 2012. I guess , to rewind, the reason why I moved to Canada is when I had my children, my son was my last one I had, and I didn't want and because of the field I was in I saw what was happening in London, and I didn't want my children to grow up in that environment. And so when I applied to come to Canada, I came on a work permit. I got a job in Calgary, working with youth, young offenders and I came across with my family. And so everything was new to us will never move. My whole family is still in London. So we were the only ones knew my husband and my children. At the time, it was very difficult. As an immigrant coming in, even though we made the plans to come this the changes were so different. And we had to learn how to survive in Canada with no family or no support. So at the time, my eldest daughter she, she didn't want to move to Canada. She actually wants to stay with the whole family and everybody and and at that time now I look back. I wish I involved more in the process. But in that time it was more out, no, we need to move. And I want to be here. And so we came to Canada in October 2012. When we first came, I came first with my son, and then my husband and the rest of them joined and asked for time, I wouldn't even say a month or two in my eldest daughter started acting up. Um, you know, she started hanging around in mind, we moved into an area that we didn't want the best area here in Calgary. And so, you know, she started hanging out with people, and they've given her ill advice. And then we started seeing the behaviors change. And so at that time, then my mom joined me in December 2012, to help us settle so that me and my husband can work in. And then my youngest at the time, my son, who you know, now, he was only one and a half years, so he was really a baby. And then the rest, and my eldest daughter was 13 at the time. And so when my mum came here, and obviously my eldest daughter was sort of misbehaving, and me and my husband were focusing on work, you know, there was a lot of contention, you know, my mum was very traditional, and, you know, and certain things, which she wouldn't expect to happen. And so come January, there was one time my daughter, she hung out late with her friends. And when she came back, my mom was the one who only were working. And they got into a really big argument blow up where it became physical. With the word discipline on my mom's end, that is, and so then, and then when we came back, we felt it was sorted, we sorted it out and everything. But the next day, when my daughter went to school, you know, friends advised her to tell the teacher of what happened. And so as she did, all, hell broke loose. And so when the teacher, I didn't get a call from the teacher, what I got was a call from social services here that I must come home from work because they're at my house. And so when I went home, I've never ever, ever in my life dealt with social services in the UK, here. My do, we came out in October, this is January, now 2013, October, November, December, we've only been in Canada, three months. Now, the systems, we didn't know nothing. And so when they came, and I'm glad the laws have changed now due to a lot of lobbying. But when we first came, the laws for social services were very different here. So when it came to, they interviewed us, and obviously at that time, my mom was on a visitor's permit. And so I didn't want to ruin that in any way. And so I took the blame for what happened, and I just said, this is what happened, but this don't usually happen. And then we're like, Okay, well, we're gonna do, we're just gonna make, we're just gonna go out there and chat and come back. My husband was called, we all caught up. They took about an hour, and we were just talking in blah, blah, blah, next minute, they knocked on our door, they had police with them, and everybody, and they said, they're going to take my children. And I was just like, what, you know, the shock horror of the whole thing, that they're going to take my children and so we've all got argument. And obviously, there was only so much you can do with your children. Because they felt like if we, if we'd had that contention with one, then we can do it to all mind you, I'm a parent that if you know me, I'm a very calm person. None of my children I've ever laid a hand on even in a grown up. So for me, it was just like, but I knew that I needed my mum around with me too. And so, um, so then, that day was the worst day of our life. Because, first of all, my eldest daughter didn't realize the impact it would have. She felt that they'll come and give us a slap on the wrist, she didn't realize that the whole children will be removed. And so that day. That day, there was a lot of crying. There's a lot of I'd never forget my third daughter, I'm so sorry to cry. It was it's very, um, my third daughter was fighting the police officer, like I've never seen as she was three and a half at the time. And my well just changed. They said TGL never heard of TGL. That's temporary Guardian order guardianship order. And they said because of that, they need to take all the children's for that night. That day, I was in shock. That was the worst day of my life. Because I've never been in a place where I didn't have any control. And watching my children scream and toss. And there was nothing I could do about my neck when I didn't know this country I was in. I had no clue how to navigate any system. My goal was to come here, work and settle. So when that happened, and it threw my, my goals up in the air because I didn't know what to do next. So in that moment one thing I love about this journey in Canada has told me it taught me to totally rely on God. You know, when I came from London I was the type of person that I got, were for a one I had my mortgage in London, UK, I was driving whatever car I wanted. So when I came to Canada, I had the same mindset, that Oh, I just get wave. I got a job easily in Calgary. You know, it was it wasn't a hard thing. But this that day was the worst, but the best day of my life, because it taught me that I had no one he stripped me of everyone, family, everyone to rely on himself. And so throughout that journey, listen, my children. I tell you, the whole story is God's grace. My children that were taken for me, they was they were going for a Tim TGL. They call it at the time. For six weeks we battled because they wanted me to cave into whatever they said happen. And we wouldn't. We wouldn't. We kept fighting. We can't find it back and forth while going. And one day, my dad said to that to us, you know, if you contacted the British Embassy, because you're not Canadian at the time, we were just workers, you're British, so contact them. And so when we contacted them, this God sent me an angel called Gwen. This lady fought for our children as if it was her own, she made sure the children were put together blah, blah, blah. She went back and forth. There. We know how long we fought for supervision order where we can go and supervise or ordinarily not supervision or whether kids can come to our house for the weekend. They denied it denied it. So back and forth, every worker, they had come in even the family workers that we had to do Triple P training sorts of training. Even the workers that met I said, Wow, what we see on paper versus who we meet in front of us is totally different person. And so everyone was always shocked. I don't even have a clue what they were about that everyone was shocked at who they met. And so this Glen does one day, we it was like, the weekend before the court date was on the Monday to make a final decision. And on the Friday, I was coming back on the train and I got a phone call from a social worker. And she said, Well, we want to give your children for you. Over to you on the weekend. I said, Why? Why all of a sudden when we've been begging Oh, no, you've been doing everything right, we want to give them back, bla bla bla bla bla. And also just to let you know, a little call tomorrow, we're saying that we want to hand the children back to you. After all this fighting, we will go back and forth. They were disagreeing. I've done all what made them change in a hurry. After six weeks of battling. I mean, like imagine, if I had just caved into what they had wanted. They would have gone for the three months CTO, and on and on and on six weeks of battling for then suddenly you change on a Friday night for me to come and pick up the kids on a Saturday and telling me on Monday. This is what we're going to say in the courts. Long story short, we went to court on the Monday the judge was angry with them, because he felt like not even a supervision or do you want to listen? No. She's great about us when he dropped the case. And then after that when I went to phone Glen to say thank you for all your advocacy and everything.

You know what we call they're the people that answered the phone, the same phone we've been using. Didn't know she just said. They said there's no one called Gwen that existed. No, we spoke to her we spoke to this day this day this day. And she called us. Mica she never emailed us. We noticed it after it was always cool. So no, like they look for the horses. And there's no one of this name that worked here. And then it dropped to me that God sent an angel to work on my behalf for these children. But mind you in that time, when my children were taken away the work the job I came on a work permit, because of all the commotion that was going on. I lost my job. At that moment, my my husband had an open work permit, but the work he was working wasn't enough to sustain the home. So in that moment, we were just like, What are we gonna do? I worked in less than there's nowhere that people tell me they've worked that hadn't worked like I've cleaned probably every toilet in the city. I've worked with arm day homes. I've worked in homes where people just needed help with their kids. This was someone who was on a career path that have never done this sort of work before but in this moment I needed to survive my family. I've got four kids here, what are we going to do? And even that was a point where my mom said to me, I can actually just go back to London, like, what is this, and I said, Mom, I left everything in London to come here, I'm not giving up now, throughout my journey, that was even the lady who got us because at that point, when I lost my job, my stay was my status was dependent on my work permit. My sister, it was my husband's employer that just took my husband has a son, and was able to make him apply from her work because she owned a big business. And it was through that, that's how we got our status here in Canada. And then after that, once I got my status, and I got my role, I then went back into working, because when you're on a work permit, you're locked for that employer for two, three years. I can't work for anybody else. And so there was nothing we didn't do the food banks or us. So as many times so many things happen in that pathway. And I feel like I'm making it really short. But the journey of people remember the journey and how the hardships that we had to go to to sustain ourselves. Until finally and after, when he got his into status. It was we were five years in. So three months after we landed, everything sealed well. For five years. We struggled to get our say, and we did whatever it took. Thankfully, he kept renewing his open permit thanks to his boss. And she knew our situation. And somehow she just loved us, you know how God is. Everything we did, we had to rely on him because he was the only one bringing his helpers in to help us. After I quit my permit, I jumped back into work, I jumped back into what I love to do. But it made it a passion spot for me to advocate because you know what I realized? Imagine if I didn't imagine if I was one of those immigrant people that come in the English is not their first language. What if I was afraid of authority, right? Because they can be very combative. Going to school can be so scary. I've never been in a court system. Imagine I started imagining all these ones that maybe didn't have the finances to pay for lawyers, because my family from the UK was sending funds had, I had saved a lot from selling my hand. So I could afford lawyers. But each of us had to get a lawyer, my husband myself, you know, this system is really the systemic stuff here. And it's just, it's just different. And it needed a lot of advocacy. So when I started working, and I was lucky enough to work in a place where immigrant immigrant serving organization, I started coming across women that were facing the same thing. But because you know what you walk that shoe, ah, is a different feel. You want to go all the way for them. Because you know how painful it is. A lot of them are lost hope already. They're already struggling financially, financially, and felt like, you know, they just give in to whatever the social worker said, and blah, blah, blah. So I was able to advocate for them in that way. But even through that, I knew that a lot of the families that I worked with had deep traumatic issues. And that was the reason why I felt like now if I did some counseling, because what I was doing was a lot of counseling. Let me get the certificate here. Because in Canada, you need a certificate in counseling and psychology to be able to help maneuver them through this pain, because it's such a painful time, even in like, it's how many years later 2012 2013 The first month. And when our 2024 still pains me talking about it because I'll never forget the image. The days of I was still standing now shaking physically, I couldn't believe it. My daughter, my oldest daughter, when she came down the stairs that day, it took a fate that she was the last one to come out. It took them a good hour to get home. She covered her face from us and walked out because she didn't realize the impact this would have. But the grace of God, you know, one thing he taught me because only a few months ago, I look back and I said well, everything works together for our good. Because if that didn't happen, I don't want to be I don't even know if we're going to counseling because I don't even know if I'll be as passionate as I was towards these people that need that support when they've gone through such pain. But I said if God didn't do it, he had to push me because that's what pushed me to go the direction I did because other than that I wouldn't have but if I had to go through the pain or sometimes I wonder God Why don't have to go through With that, why don't you just tell me this is I don't think, you know what you haven't experienced it, there's a difference. When yo u experience something, you know, the pains and you know, it pinches. And it dysregulated the family for a while I didn't have trust of anybody, any systems, it made me see the system for as it was. But then I also knew that God is all faithful. And he just turned my journey around. But it must, that was, that was the worst time of my life because I never felt I was never in a place where I felt such hopelessness. And I couldn't do anything, these are children are your most precious gift, like anyone will die for their kids. And when you couldn't help them, and they're out there with people you don't know, my son was an eating, he was potty trained, he went backwards. Because of the situation, the children were angry, because they didn't know why. Why this was happening. And they cut off all communication with the children, unless it's on their terms, like the damage it does to children and families, I don't know, if there's not any other intervention that can happen that will sustain them versus break them apart. So then it made me think of all those Indigenous kids or families or a lot of African families, I met a lot of African families that have gone through the same thing. And so but God used my pain, to be able to sort of support other people. So I think that was the worst time one of the biggest crisis in my life that actually changed the trajectory of my path into where I am today.

Wow, you know, I was just listening to you, and it's so touching. And I see Riley say it's been how many years and you sharing it, you know, you still you still very emotional, you still feel the emotion. And that is how how powerful that isa day says, you know, the I like how you touch on how in the middle of all of that. You were able to find some your passion, you're able to find your purpose, you know, you were able to find unexpected blessing in all of that, you know, and, and, and how, how, how, how has it been now that you you know, you're living your purpose, I can say you live in Europe. Yes. And you doing what you're so passionate about? I mean, just listening to you, you know, and yeah, you talk how and why you even got into counseling, the whole reason behind it and the way you talk, depression, I see the passion in you, when you when you when you spoke about it. So how has it been now that you live in your paupers, you find you know, that this is what this is what we learn, this is what we learn here. We talk about in unmagnetized podcast, you know how to find a new season, a new purpose and the new joy in the middle of of a crisis at Mystic crisis. And you you've you found that and you live in a life so how is it now how is everything now?

Oh my gosh, Grace, I love my job. I you know, I'm even grateful that I can sit here and say I love what I do. I love the fact that I can give people hope. I love the fact that I can teach people to fight the good fight like you know because a lot of people and that's where my name came from actually watertight counseling it was a name given to me by God right because it's like I sent you to water the hearts of many because there's a lineage that many broken hearts as many Nam Tao hearts you know that a hardened heart through the journeys of what they've been through and so I'm sending you to give them life you know when you water something plant it grows beautifully right but when it is not watered it with its and he's sending me to water many hearts and I find it through all the work I do because I don't see the issue with where I was before it's even though I was impacting lives in different ways working with offenders and stuff like that. I often because you see the same thing it's so easy to become numb to the situation or another offender blah blah blah. But in this one I get time to spend with individuals that walk me through their you know, when you come counseling is the most vulnerable. A person can be like this the most authentic self you're going to see Yeah, and the counseling session. And I always find it an honor when people can share their journeys with you. And then look to you. You know, sometimes it's not even just for guidance or even any support, but it's just to talk and given that space, because I feel like, I wonder what difference that I would have made if I had that space when I felt like there's someone behind me saying it's okay, we're going to support you that that angel, Gwen, whoever that person was, that made such a difference in my life. Right. I'm just so glad I can give it to many other people. Like I said, I spoke to many women that go through the same thing, right. And I've spoken to many families that are broken in different ways, couples, children, that's come so hopeless, right? And the fact that you know that there's hope, you know, that Listen, what brings you here that shows me there's a little hole in there, and I can work with it just gonna be a little piece. I can work with it. And then see in life transform. Oh, my, I don't think there's any better higher than that. When you see someone that says, you know, what, I just pointed out what you said, and it made me think, and I thought, you know, yes, I can do this, or after a few sessions, I'm catching myself do this. I'm so proud of myself. You know, it just, it's just like, everything is worth it. I know, there's so much pain out there. I tell you, but when you can be that light in those places of darkness is so nice. When you see other light switch on, you know, other people switch on sunny and realize that actually my life is worth fighting for. I can optimize my living, why am I settling here? You know, it's not to question things. And I love saying I love my job. And I don't think that without my journey, I would be able to be as compassionate and invested. If I didn't walk through the painful parts on my journey and know how helpful it is when you have support out there. And stuff. But no, it's been amazing. I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful up to date at this. I've seen 1000s of people like that God's grace me with now I've moved into my own private practice, like fully on my own. And it's only God's grace, because every time he's bringing people bring in people, and I have to remember the reason the purpose behind it is not just another number. These people need to leave watered. And so you know, and it is not by my pet peeve of mine, right is His grace is His grace and love. And so when I realized that, that this is someone that this is a human person that the Lord has put in front of me, I have to take it seriously. And so I'm, I'm just grateful. I'm grateful, honestly, the really great,

I can see that it's all over you. The gratefulness is it's radiating from the inside. So what do you wish you had known or understood? Before going through what you went through?

Do I wish I'd known

Or understood?

that I'm stronger than I thought I was. I wish I'd known that. That these things, you know, life has its ups and downs. Like I said, that famous quote helped is 10% of what happens but 90% of how you respond to it. Right? And, and there was a switch in me in that time that had I said to myself, No, I left everything. I didn't come this far to just end it here and go back home. Because that would have been the comfortable thing to do. Like no fight. Let's get the kids go back to London. We were comfortable that everyone's there. But I chose to fight and it was uncomfortable sometimes, and there's no growth in comfort. That is one thing I've learned is absolutely no growth in comfort. And so I had to be uncomfortable, and God had to rough over nest for me to become who I am. So with everything. I always say to people, listen, there's no losses in anything, right? You there's no win or lose, you win or you learn, right? The only loss I say is when you don't take the learning because unfortunately, you probably repeat the class, right? When there's always pockets of wisdom that you can pull out the learning I use as my stepping stone. So I don't know what I could have learned known anything better all but one thing I wish I knew is that be in the present moment. Try and understand your position and fight. You know, I nearly gave up. And I'm glad I didn't. I'm so glad I didn't. So that's what I would say.

So, what advice would you give to another woman out there listening to us who is in the winter of their life? Who is going through a major crisis, a challenge, whatever that might be? What advice will you give to that woman?

This too shall pass. I always say that every season has an expiry day. And sometimes when you're in the season, it feels like it's never ending. Or sometime when they say it rains, it pours. It's sometimes it's true, like you already down, else more and more and more, it feels like it's never ending. One thing I would say is that, number one, you never, he never gives you something that's too heavy for you that you can't carry on your shoulder. So one thing I've learned, that is in you, if you've given me this, this means that I must be strong enough to be able to overcome this. That's one thing I've learned now. So I question everything. God, I don't see my strength right now. But if you say so, right. And so one thing I will say is Fight, fight that good fight. Resilience is in sometimes it takes a situations to bring out creative side of you, or the strength that you thought you never had. I will say to another woman that is good to talk. Always you're no one's an island on their own. We are born to connect with people, right? We are not supposed to suddenly ever, ever feel like that. Sometimes it's shame, right? Like I said, this is the first time I've told my story to the world. And sometimes in certain cultures, the shame and the disgrace that may come with it that may prevent you from even talking. And so even if you can't talk to people within a certain environment, always reach out to find a place where you can talk. And I will say to another woman that you are strong. You're bold, like, even if this encourages you to say that, listen, you can pull through anything, you can just have to believe and trust. Trust. Listen, my only pillow I told you from the beginning was God. I couldn't. Because people are subject to change, they mean it with their free will in their, in their heart in that moment is subject to change. But as for God, he will never fail you. And such trusting and leaning in Him, He will surely direct your path because there's nothing I've learned nothing shocks him. So trust in the process and trust that listen, this is going to work together for my good, I can't see it right now. But it will do. And I guarantee you nothing that will happen to you won't be for the benefit of the whoever is to string for you to build the character you to propel you to run is always always for your good. And so take it one thing, the best thing to do is shift your perspective how you see it? How do I see it? My behavior is a direct correlation of what I'm looking at. If I look at the troubles, that's all like there's going to be all over me gonna feel depressed. But then I looked at okay, okay, this is going to end. And I'm just going to look at the fact that after this, I'm still going to be glorious, I'm still going to be this. And so when encouragement and words of affirmation is powerful I can, I will, even if I don't feel it, I will get through today. And when you do that, gratitude is a superpower. I'm grateful God I got through today. And so I'll say you can and you will

Awesome amazing, amazing. So I can if someone needs to find you, how can they find you?

Oh, definitely. If you go onto my website at www.wateredheartcounselling.com with two L's dot com. You can reach out my email is there my contact number please do if you ever need to talk to anybody, by all means. I'm here. Especially if I've got a close spot for women and families. I really have especially families and children. So if there's things that people want support around, I'm definitely here. And there's a lot of pro bono work I do as well, especially in compassion in areas I'm really passionate about. So we've finances an issue. Please don't let it be a barrier to connect with me.

Amazing. Thank you so much. I care. Okay, I mean, I tell I told you guys that you are here from the heart. These are the kind of guests I have here or we have here on our show magnetize podcast, people who speak from their heart, people who are ready to touch lives, who are ready to share the deep, deep stories. The really deep story and you've heard a candidate story you've heard how she used that to become the woman the person that she is today. How she was able to find a new season new purpose, new joy, new passion. In the middle of her crisis. She didn't give up shooting given you know, she said fight the fight and fight the good fight. She said it gain is that there is no growth in comfort. There is no growth in the comfort zone. You know, nobody is an island, you know and there's always that one person you can talk to. There's always someone you can talk to. So if you are out there you listening to us and you are going through some crisis you are in the in the winter, I call it the winter of life. You are in the winter of your life. Are you wondering what do I do? Do I talk to you? You are not alone. There's always someone to reach out to to talk to, you know, I'm Grace Oben, the host of Magnetized podcast. And there is a free gift for you. And you can go to graceoben.com of graceoben.com free gift that calm to have your free gift and it's open with an all and see you next time on Magnetized and I hope you had an amazing time. Thank you so much so gratefully.