[REPLAY] Big Hurts & Little Hurts | CP143

100:00:00,539 --> 00:00:02,669Jennifer Kolari: Hi, everyone,and welcome to another episode200:00:02,669 --> 00:00:06,569of connected parenting. So todayI wanted to talk about something300:00:06,569 --> 00:00:10,739really important. And this issort of a foundation to building400:00:10,739 --> 00:00:15,719resilience in your kids and, andrecuperation. And if we've500:00:15,719 --> 00:00:21,539learned anything in 2020, it'sthat things can change really600:00:21,539 --> 00:00:26,189fast. Disappointments can happenfor some kids and families have700:00:26,189 --> 00:00:30,959been huge disappointments,really big things happening. You800:00:30,959 --> 00:00:34,889know, tragically losing familymembers, financial, big900:00:34,889 --> 00:00:37,679financial changes. And for a lotof families, there's just been1000:00:37,679 --> 00:00:43,139regular kind of disappointmentsand for our kids, because we've1100:00:43,139 --> 00:00:46,319tended to raise them by makingeverything as easy as possible1200:00:46,319 --> 00:00:50,969for them. We've tried to smoothout every bump in the road. They1300:00:50,969 --> 00:00:54,239are not particularly equippedthis generation to handle this1400:00:54,239 --> 00:00:56,399appointment, and there's been alot of it and there will be1500:00:56,399 --> 00:01:00,119more. And life is like that. Isay this all the time that you1600:01:00,119 --> 00:01:05,729can't you, if you try to protectyour child from every1700:01:05,729 --> 00:01:09,329disappointment and every hurt,all you're doing is giving them1800:01:09,329 --> 00:01:12,599a disadvantage. So theneurological hardware that needs1900:01:12,599 --> 00:01:17,279to develop in order to handledisappointments, trouble2000:01:17,279 --> 00:01:22,469breakups, not making a team notgetting the job. That that2100:01:22,469 --> 00:01:26,279hardware comes from experience.It comes from losing something,2200:01:26,729 --> 00:01:30,239learning something, losingsomething again, and learning2300:01:30,239 --> 00:01:34,319something and if we rob ourchildren of those experiences,2400:01:34,319 --> 00:01:36,869then they're not going to havethe neurological equipment to2500:01:36,869 --> 00:01:42,719handle trouble when it comes.And trouble always comes. Hi,2600:01:42,719 --> 00:01:45,569everyone. I'm Jennifer Clary.I'm a child and family therapist2700:01:45,599 --> 00:01:48,119and a parenting coach and thefounder of connected parenting.2800:01:48,389 --> 00:01:51,629And welcome to the connectedparenting weekly podcast. Join2900:01:51,629 --> 00:01:54,749me every week. And we'll tackleeverything from temper tantrums3000:01:54,749 --> 00:01:58,679to bedtime to sibling issues toteenage angst, parenting can be3100:01:58,679 --> 00:02:02,279so wonderful, but it can be sohard. Parents often say to me,3200:02:02,279 --> 00:02:05,069Hey, can you just come live atmy house, this is the next best3300:02:05,069 --> 00:02:10,589thing. Let's do this together.So let's talk about how to help3400:02:10,589 --> 00:02:13,589your kids deal withdisappointment. So the first3500:02:13,589 --> 00:02:16,079thing I want to talk about isthe importance of3600:02:16,079 --> 00:02:18,989disappointment. Healthyadversity is actually critical3700:02:18,989 --> 00:02:23,999to good mental health. The brainorganizes itself in polarity. A3800:02:23,999 --> 00:02:27,209bad thing means a good thing isbetter. And a good thing means a3900:02:27,209 --> 00:02:31,469bad thing is worse, and it justgoes back and forth. And as you4000:02:31,469 --> 00:02:34,679deal with that polarity, becauseeverything in life has an equal4100:02:34,679 --> 00:02:39,839and opposite. You help yourchildren learn that contrast. So4200:02:39,839 --> 00:02:44,159disappointment, hurt feelings,going through something really4300:02:44,159 --> 00:02:51,209hard. Or be the things thatreally help you do have your4400:02:51,209 --> 00:02:55,469character and the sense of whoyou are later on in life. So as4500:02:55,469 --> 00:02:58,469difficult as it is for us asparents to watch our children4600:02:58,469 --> 00:03:03,389struggle, and to watch themsuffer. In those moments, there4700:03:03,389 --> 00:03:07,139is growth, there is learning,there is an opportunity to see4800:03:07,139 --> 00:03:11,069how strong they are to learn howto recover, to learn that things4900:03:11,069 --> 00:03:15,239can seem really difficult andreally impossible. And that can5000:03:15,239 --> 00:03:19,679be okay. But if we've jumped inand rescued them every single5100:03:19,679 --> 00:03:23,879time and fixed it or bought themsomething or called that teacher5200:03:23,879 --> 00:03:26,729or got them invited to thatthing, or got them on that team5300:03:26,729 --> 00:03:30,779they shouldn't be on. We'rerobbing them, we're robbing them5400:03:30,809 --> 00:03:35,399of the learning that can comefrom more negative experiences.5500:03:35,969 --> 00:03:41,489History is the greatest teacheryou will ever have. Right? So5600:03:41,549 --> 00:03:46,499learning from those thosedifficult experiences really is5700:03:46,499 --> 00:03:50,669critical to mental health. Thosecontrast those contours in life5800:03:51,059 --> 00:03:54,119are essential, because it'sthose things that actually help5900:03:54,119 --> 00:03:58,709us really appreciate when thingsgo well, when things feel good,6000:03:58,919 --> 00:04:01,349when things are pleasant, andthings are positive and you6100:04:01,349 --> 00:04:04,469cannot have one without theother. Now I've given this6200:04:04,469 --> 00:04:09,809example before. But imagine youhad a little eight year old girl6300:04:10,049 --> 00:04:14,579and you have fixed every problemshe's ever had. You can't stand6400:04:14,579 --> 00:04:17,969her looking upset, you can'tstand her suffering. So every6500:04:17,969 --> 00:04:21,449time that she is sad, you rushin and you buy her something or6600:04:21,449 --> 00:04:24,929you have a different birthdayparty or you find something else6700:04:24,929 --> 00:04:27,989to distract her and make herfeel better. She's learning two6800:04:27,989 --> 00:04:31,829things one, pain is intolerable.Sadness is intolerable. It's an6900:04:31,829 --> 00:04:34,709emotion that is really painful.It's so bad that my parents7000:04:34,709 --> 00:04:38,729won't even let me experience it.And my parents can't even7100:04:38,729 --> 00:04:42,059tolerate my sadness. So it mustbe really, really bad. So7200:04:42,059 --> 00:04:45,329there's sort of this doublingdown of what happens in these7300:04:45,329 --> 00:04:48,299negative experiences. Nowimagine that you take that7400:04:48,299 --> 00:04:51,689little girl to go and get an icecream cone and she's eating her7500:04:51,689 --> 00:04:56,879ice cream and plops onto thefloor. Now that child is going7600:04:56,879 --> 00:05:00,839to start crying and screamingshe will be shrieking and7700:05:00,839 --> 00:05:06,569devastated. Why? Because the icecream falling on the floor is7800:05:06,599 --> 00:05:09,239actually one of the worst thingsthat's ever happened to her.7900:05:09,509 --> 00:05:12,689Because every other part of herlife has been so carefully8000:05:12,689 --> 00:05:17,759programmed and cushioned. Allwe've done is shifted, she's8100:05:17,759 --> 00:05:21,299going to experience the painanyway. But now she's going to8200:05:21,299 --> 00:05:24,569experience it over smaller andsmaller things, because the8300:05:24,569 --> 00:05:28,919brain is constantly looking forthat balance, and that polarity.8400:05:29,789 --> 00:05:32,789So the first thing you want tobe able to do is use the contact8500:05:32,789 --> 00:05:36,989niq. So go back to the earlierpodcasts, and, and listen to all8600:05:36,989 --> 00:05:40,709of those, it's really importantbecause it's how you listen and8700:05:40,709 --> 00:05:44,909hold space, and sit with yourchild, or your mother in law or8800:05:44,909 --> 00:05:48,269your spouse, or your bestfriend. It's not just for kids,8900:05:48,299 --> 00:05:52,439when they struggle, it's it'sbeing present with them in that9000:05:52,439 --> 00:05:56,639painful moment, not talking themout of it, not cheerleading them9100:05:56,639 --> 00:06:00,959out of it, not distracting themout of it. But being present,9200:06:01,109 --> 00:06:06,419and truly listening with yourheart in that moment. That's the9300:06:06,419 --> 00:06:09,929greatest thing you can do foryour child. So we'll come back9400:06:09,929 --> 00:06:12,329to it exactly example in amoment, but you're present with9500:06:12,329 --> 00:06:15,419them in that moment, you'reusing the Contact meek, two or9600:06:15,419 --> 00:06:19,229three statements to release thatoxytocin to help your child feel9700:06:19,229 --> 00:06:22,019like you've heard them, it isnot happening to you, you are9800:06:22,019 --> 00:06:24,719not devastated, you know that itis happening to them, You are9900:06:24,719 --> 00:06:30,839grounded and neutral. And thenyou do your absolute best not to10000:06:30,839 --> 00:06:34,889rescue, not to fix thesituation, if there's a learning10100:06:34,889 --> 00:06:37,709lesson in there, your childneeds to experience that lesson,10200:06:37,919 --> 00:06:41,219the best example I could giveyou is let's say your child10300:06:41,219 --> 00:06:45,239procrastinated horribly on aproject. And it's too late, they10400:06:45,239 --> 00:06:49,019can't do it anymore. It's toolate. Instead of doing it for10500:06:49,019 --> 00:06:52,979them, or doing it with them, at10 o'clock at night, you mirror10600:06:52,979 --> 00:06:56,699first, which looks like you knowwhat, this is a horrible feeling10700:06:56,699 --> 00:06:58,829you really did believe you weregonna get this done you10800:06:58,859 --> 00:07:01,349everything in you thought youwere going to be able to finish10900:07:01,349 --> 00:07:04,409this, and then it was going tobe okay. But it's taken so much11000:07:04,409 --> 00:07:06,119longer than you thought it wasgoing to take. And that's a11100:07:06,119 --> 00:07:09,509really scary feeling. You'reright in there. Now you're not11200:07:10,019 --> 00:07:12,209panicking, you're not gonna Youreally thought this was gonna11300:07:12,209 --> 00:07:15,419work. And now it can't your ownemotions can't be in there you11400:07:15,419 --> 00:07:18,779must be parenting from a placeof love, not fear. It's11500:07:18,779 --> 00:07:23,129happening to her, or to him inyou are sharing that back, you11600:07:23,129 --> 00:07:28,229are reflecting that back throughempathy, and compassion in the11700:07:28,739 --> 00:07:33,239realm of neutrality. And thenyou say my darling, I love you11800:07:33,239 --> 00:07:37,499enough. To help you learn thislesson. You need to learn what11900:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,719happens when you don't do yourhomework when you leave12000:07:39,719 --> 00:07:42,269something the last minute, andif I jump in and rescue you, and12100:07:42,269 --> 00:07:45,059if we do this together, yourbrain is going to remember that12200:07:45,059 --> 00:07:48,359it worked. And it turned out,okay. And in this case, I don't12300:07:48,359 --> 00:07:50,459want your brain to know thatit's okay. Because it's not12400:07:50,459 --> 00:07:52,979okay. It's going to keep pilingup. And it's going to be12500:07:52,979 --> 00:07:55,379something that you keep doing.So I want you to learn this12600:07:55,379 --> 00:07:58,319lesson. Now. I'm not going tohelp you, I'm tired. It's 1012700:07:58,319 --> 00:08:01,799o'clock at night, I've workedall day. Either do it yourself12800:08:01,829 --> 00:08:04,769or don't do it. But you need tofigure out what happens when you12900:08:04,769 --> 00:08:07,769make a choice like this. Andagain, it must be in that13000:08:07,769 --> 00:08:09,029beautiful neutral tone of13100:08:09,030 --> 00:08:11,220Unknown: Canva you have left atthe last minute. Now you got to13200:08:11,220 --> 00:08:13,830figure out what happens. It's upto you to find out, you got13300:08:13,830 --> 00:08:14,730yourself in this mess, it13400:08:14,730 --> 00:08:18,000Jennifer Kolari: can't have thatenergy. Because it's all about13500:08:18,000 --> 00:08:22,650fear. Right? That's all aboutangst. And it's all about fear.13600:08:22,650 --> 00:08:25,110And that's not the right energy,then they just walk away13700:08:25,110 --> 00:08:28,350thinking you didn't help me,you're so mean, you don't care13800:08:28,350 --> 00:08:33,600what happens to me. And thatbecomes the context that you're13900:08:33,600 --> 00:08:38,400communicating. It must come froma place of love, I love you14000:08:38,400 --> 00:08:41,790enough not to buy you that. Ilove you enough not to do that14100:08:41,790 --> 00:08:44,940homework for you. I love youenough not to call and make this14200:08:44,940 --> 00:08:51,060right. Because as hard as thisis you need to learn voices, and14300:08:51,060 --> 00:08:53,790that when you make choices,there will be consequences. This14400:08:53,790 --> 00:08:57,900is so critical. Because if youif you don't teach them this14500:08:58,470 --> 00:09:04,110life will. And then you'll havea child in their late 20s, early14600:09:04,110 --> 00:09:11,37020s late teens who does not haveto handle all kinds of things14700:09:11,370 --> 00:09:14,430that life is going to throw atyou. And when you have little14800:09:14,430 --> 00:09:18,210kids, you actually do have somecontrol over their lives. You14900:09:18,210 --> 00:09:21,150can give them a timeout, you cantake their computer away, you15000:09:21,150 --> 00:09:24,750can go in and talk to theteacher. When they're older. You15100:09:24,750 --> 00:09:28,650can't do anything but watch.They are they have sovereignty,15200:09:28,770 --> 00:09:33,300they have independence, theywill make their own choices and15300:09:33,330 --> 00:09:36,060all you can do is stand back andhope that you have taught them15400:09:36,060 --> 00:09:39,300enough and love them enough sothat they can make really good15500:09:39,300 --> 00:09:44,280choices and or learn from theirnegative choices. What you can15600:09:44,280 --> 00:09:49,080do is constantly remind yourchild, I believe in you. I see15700:09:49,080 --> 00:09:52,380what you're capable of. I knowwhat you're capable of. I'm15800:09:52,380 --> 00:09:55,860excited to watch this unfold.I'm excited for you to see you15900:09:55,860 --> 00:09:59,730become the person I know you aregetting them to line up with16000:09:59,730 --> 00:10:02,760Aaron Integrity, are you in yourintegrity? Are you out of your16100:10:02,760 --> 00:10:05,670integrity, when you're out ofyour integrity, you know, you16200:10:05,670 --> 00:10:07,980did a bunch of things first andgoofed around and watch a bunch16300:10:07,980 --> 00:10:11,640of shows and, and ignored whatyou needed to do. And now that16400:10:11,640 --> 00:10:14,010project is due, and now you'rein big trouble. But the reason16500:10:14,010 --> 00:10:15,780you're upset is because you knowthat you're out of your16600:10:15,780 --> 00:10:19,620integrity. That's how you guideyour child. That's how you love16700:10:19,620 --> 00:10:22,710your child into becoming theincredible human being that16800:10:22,710 --> 00:10:26,460they're meant to become. Nowanother technique that is really16900:10:26,460 --> 00:10:31,500important. So this is more forlittle kids. But it's really17000:10:31,500 --> 00:10:35,130important because it prepareskids for later in life when big17100:10:35,130 --> 00:10:37,680hurts and little hurts becomedifferent things, but having a17200:10:37,680 --> 00:10:41,340conversation with your childabout what is a big hurt, and17300:10:41,340 --> 00:10:45,870what is a little hurt. So youtalk about a big hurt first, and17400:10:45,870 --> 00:10:49,140don't make up somethingterrifying work work with your17500:10:49,140 --> 00:10:51,600child, but if it's somethingthat they can really identify17600:10:51,600 --> 00:10:55,290with, so if they've lost agrandparent, if they've had an17700:10:55,290 --> 00:10:58,230experience or life that has beena really big hurt, you can use17800:10:58,230 --> 00:11:03,030that as an anchor point. If theyhaven't, then and sort of find17900:11:03,030 --> 00:11:05,490the something in their in theirlife, that was a really big18000:11:05,490 --> 00:11:09,630thing that they had a reallyhard time with, and use that as18100:11:09,630 --> 00:11:12,930a definition of a big heart. Andthen you talk about a little18200:11:12,930 --> 00:11:16,200hurt, well, a little hurt was myshow wasn't on that I thought18300:11:16,200 --> 00:11:20,910was gonna be on or I thought wewere going to be able to go for18400:11:21,000 --> 00:11:24,210a walk and we can't right nowlike, we just sort of find that18500:11:24,210 --> 00:11:29,070scale with them. And then therewould be a medium part. So if18600:11:29,070 --> 00:11:31,080they're a little, I don't know,maybe that would be leaving18700:11:31,080 --> 00:11:35,550their favorite teddy bear on thesubway or a bus or something or18800:11:36,120 --> 00:11:39,930losing something that reallymatters to them, you know, not18900:11:39,930 --> 00:11:42,960getting invited to something,you know, that's a friend that19000:11:42,990 --> 00:11:44,970isn't really a close friend,something like that, that would19100:11:44,970 --> 00:11:48,300be a medium hurt. And thenconstantly working that out with19200:11:48,300 --> 00:11:51,000them so that when they're in amoment of upset, you can help19300:11:51,000 --> 00:11:55,020them scale it. So your bodyfeels like this is a really big19400:11:55,020 --> 00:11:59,280hurt. But is it a little hurt?Or is it a medium hurt, they19500:11:59,280 --> 00:12:02,640will always tell you in themoment, it's at the heart while19600:12:02,640 --> 00:12:05,910we say that. But as you're kindof working that out with them,19700:12:05,910 --> 00:12:09,180they're doing the job of thatyou're helping them you're19800:12:09,180 --> 00:12:13,590assisting them in the job thatthe frontal lobe does, which is19900:12:13,590 --> 00:12:16,590to try and take perspectiveright in some of this can be20000:12:16,590 --> 00:12:20,400done afterwards. So there willbe moments where doing this in20100:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,980the middle is just not going towork there. And they're so upset20200:12:22,980 --> 00:12:24,750they're in such as fight orflight state that they're20300:12:24,750 --> 00:12:28,530hysterical. In that moment, youtry three to four statements of20400:12:28,530 --> 00:12:32,460mirroring. Really being presentwith them, not talking them out20500:12:32,460 --> 00:12:35,040of it, not sure leading them outof it, maintaining your own20600:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,530sense of neutrality, tellyourself in that moment, my20700:12:37,530 --> 00:12:40,890child is in pain, think toyourself, my child is in pain,20800:12:41,310 --> 00:12:44,460but they're going to be okay.They've been in pain many times20900:12:44,460 --> 00:12:47,820before over many things. And inan hour from now they're going21000:12:47,820 --> 00:12:51,930to be okay or tomorrow they'regoing to be okay. Really used to21100:12:51,930 --> 00:12:55,650love to adjust where they are inthis moment, trusting your child21200:12:55,650 --> 00:12:57,840that this is part of life andthey will get through it, they21300:12:57,840 --> 00:13:02,310will be okay. Acknowledging thatyou're in pain as well watching21400:13:02,310 --> 00:13:06,690them just resonating with thatfeeling, letting it sink in a21500:13:06,690 --> 00:13:11,160little bit, don't fight it, thenyou can kind of release it and21600:13:11,160 --> 00:13:13,230trust that your child will beokay. And there'll be some21700:13:13,230 --> 00:13:17,490learning here and some guidinghere. You can do all of this21800:13:17,490 --> 00:13:20,310with your child after the event.So maybe a couple of hours21900:13:20,310 --> 00:13:22,560later, hey, let's go back andthink about what happened this22000:13:22,560 --> 00:13:25,260morning you thought you know soand so was going to come over22100:13:25,260 --> 00:13:29,070and they didn't mirror firsttotally crummy. You had all22200:13:29,070 --> 00:13:32,850these plans. I saw you were soexcited last night, you knew22300:13:32,850 --> 00:13:35,970exactly what we wanted to dowith your friend. It's so hard22400:13:35,970 --> 00:13:38,490when things don't happen. Itfeels so awful in your body,22500:13:38,610 --> 00:13:43,830just really being present.Letting them feel that. And then22600:13:43,860 --> 00:13:46,200you can reflect and say but youknow what I was thinking about22700:13:46,200 --> 00:13:49,230it. And where does that fall onthe scale of big heart to little22800:13:49,230 --> 00:13:52,620I know, it felt like a big hurt.It really, really did. But part22900:13:52,620 --> 00:13:55,350of learning to grow up andpartying part of learning how to23000:13:55,350 --> 00:13:58,350run this amazing brain that youhave, and deal with all your23100:13:58,350 --> 00:14:00,810feelings so that you can controlthem, instead of them23200:14:00,810 --> 00:14:04,020controlling you is figuring outmaybe that was a medium part.23300:14:05,010 --> 00:14:08,100And helping them actually scaletheir response. Well, that's23400:14:08,100 --> 00:14:11,160interesting, because it lookedlike he had, you know, a big23500:14:11,160 --> 00:14:15,540hurt response to a little hurtand what can we do, and it's23600:14:16,080 --> 00:14:19,500really helping them look atthese situations from a23700:14:19,500 --> 00:14:22,500different perspective. Now, asalways, with connected23800:14:22,500 --> 00:14:26,490parenting, you also want to bedoing this with yourself. So we23900:14:26,520 --> 00:14:30,660often have especially if you'rean empathic, super sensitive24000:14:30,660 --> 00:14:35,160parent, it's going to gut you,when your child is upset, your24100:14:35,160 --> 00:14:39,660body is going to have a big hurtresponse to it. So first you24200:14:39,660 --> 00:14:42,720have to ground yourself you haveto acknowledge that feeling. You24300:14:42,720 --> 00:14:45,690have to literally use thecontact niq on yourself. I love24400:14:45,690 --> 00:14:49,260my child so much. I do so muchfor them. I try in every way24500:14:49,260 --> 00:14:51,510possible to make sure thatthey're having a good life and24600:14:51,510 --> 00:14:54,870they're happy and to watch themthis devastated just so hard.24700:14:54,870 --> 00:14:58,680It's so hurtful. Be reallycompassionate with yourself. You24800:14:58,680 --> 00:15:01,080love your child very, verymatch, which is why you feel it24900:15:01,080 --> 00:15:04,470in such a big way when they'rehurting. After you resonate with25000:15:04,470 --> 00:15:08,190that, after you allow yourselfto feel that feeling, sit with25100:15:08,190 --> 00:15:13,200it a little bit, let it flowthrough, you take a breath, and25200:15:13,200 --> 00:15:16,260then say, okay, now I have tomove into frontal lobe mode, my25300:15:16,260 --> 00:15:18,810own frontal lobe, and I alsohave to be the substitute25400:15:18,930 --> 00:15:23,850frontal lobe for my child. Now Ineed to go back, I need to keep25500:15:23,850 --> 00:15:28,230in my mind, a very strong sensethat my child will be fine, that25600:15:28,230 --> 00:15:31,740this is part of learning thatthere is incredible value in25700:15:31,740 --> 00:15:36,390contrast, and contours, they areessential for growth, they're25800:15:36,390 --> 00:15:40,380essential for mental health,there are all these little bumps25900:15:40,380 --> 00:15:43,770that my child needs to have whenthey're little, in order to be26000:15:43,770 --> 00:15:47,130protective, in order for them tohave the hardware that they need26100:15:47,130 --> 00:15:51,390to handle big bumps later realbumps that Mommy and Daddy can't26200:15:51,390 --> 00:15:56,250fix. Having faith in your child,having belief in your child that26300:15:56,250 --> 00:16:00,630they will get through it. It isvery hard. And as we move26400:16:00,630 --> 00:16:03,420through life right now, wherethere's all kinds of change,26500:16:03,420 --> 00:16:08,460there's so much anxiety. There'sa lot of disappointment. A lot26600:16:08,460 --> 00:16:10,560of things that were supposed tohappen aren't happening right26700:16:10,560 --> 00:16:16,290now. We're feeling very fragile,and worried ourselves. But it's26800:16:16,290 --> 00:16:19,590really important to understandthat emotions are information,26900:16:19,860 --> 00:16:22,920they are not to be feared. Theyare not to you, you're not to27000:16:22,920 --> 00:16:26,580run away from them, theirinformation, you register them,27100:16:26,910 --> 00:16:30,300you read them, you feel them,you resonate with them, and then27200:16:30,300 --> 00:16:34,830you release them. And then youteach your child to do the same.27300:16:34,830 --> 00:16:37,080This is the greatest gifthonestly that you can give your27400:16:37,080 --> 00:16:40,950child giving them the gift ofemotional resilience, giving27500:16:40,950 --> 00:16:43,650them those emotional shockabsorbers that they're going to27600:16:43,650 --> 00:16:47,250need to handle life. There isnothing greater that you can27700:16:47,250 --> 00:16:48,960give your child why27800:16:49,020 --> 00:16:51,630Unknown: I'm Barry Clary fromconnected parenting. I hope you27900:16:51,630 --> 00:16:54,630enjoyed our podcast. And don'tforget to check us out on the28000:16:54,630 --> 00:16:58,500web at connected parenting.comand like us and follow us on28100:16:58,500 --> 00:16:58,920Facebook