Exploring Why Mental Health is a Leadership Issue in the Workplace and Beyond with Val Peterson

Welcome to Inspiring People and Places, where we interview national leaders in the architectural, engineering, construction, and development industry in an effort to educate, innovate, and inspire industry professionals to disrupt the status quo, improve their project teams, and steward public and private investments more effectively. I'm your host, BJ Kramer, president and CEO of MCFA. Allow me to introduce today's guest. Alright. Inspiring people and places.

Today, we are going a bit off script. We have talked and touched on the topic of mental health, mental resiliency, emotional IQ. We've had guests like Brent Darnell and Kyle Majrowski and his initiative at Rip one hundred to kind of bring better communication, better team building, more openness, better mental health to the construction industry. We've dabbled in discussions around military crisis around PTSD and the construction industry around depression, suicide. Today, we have a guest that specializes in mental health.

So, I'm excited to welcome Valerie Peterson to the show. Valerie is a licensed mental health counselor in the state of Florida. She's also a certified clinical mental health counselor and a national board certified counselor. She's currently in private practice with Destin Counseling Center in Destin, Florida. She's a conference speaker, regular guest on radio talk shows, addressing current life issues.

I'm not sure where we're gonna go with this conversation because we can go a lot of places. Valerie is the author of four booklets, Waiting on God to Move, Six Steps to Get His Attention, Bully Proof Our Schools, Keeping Your Marriage Strong, 10 Tips for a Dynamic Marriage, and Tips for Positive Parenting. She lives in Florida and has three grown children and five grandchildren. Val Peterson, and she's very good friends with my executive assistant, Rudd. Shout out to Lisa for bringing Val to our show.

Val, welcome to the show.

Thank you. I'm glad to be here, BJ, to be with you. We may not be together in person, but this is so cool. We can communicate and hopefully impact lives.

I agree. And there's a lot of areas I think we can impact in this conversation. Warning to the audience, there's no script here, just having a conversation, and I said the bell before we jumped on the show, today's April 20, we'll timestamp the show. 04/20/1999, I was a junior in high school and the Columbine school shooting happened in Columbine, Colorado. Today is the twenty fourth anniversary of that.

And the world has been discussing a lot of topics around mental health, whether it be from school shootings or the setbacks that COVID put on social development of children or the stressors of the workplace or balancing work life because those lines got blurred during COVID and we're trying to get back to... So, Val, just talk to us about where mental health is and mental resiliency is in society right now.

Yeah, you know I've, with my other colleagues in private practice, we've just been concerned. I've got to say that what I used to see in community mental health back in New York, I'm now seeing in private practice here in Florida. Meaning much more serious issues than ever before. And I think honestly that our world is so different. Each decade, we're just seeing more and more technology.

I think, BJ, there is something to stillness, quietness that we have so gotten away from in our world. You know, in Psalm forty six ten, it says, be still and know that I am God. You know, in the mental health field, we call it activity addiction that we just are going and moving and our minds are going 20 fourseven. A lot of people really have a difficult time sleeping. I think that opens the door to mental health issues.

It probably sounds kind of a little bit off track, but there is something about stillness. I think a day of rest somewhere in people's weeks. Often people will tell me, I don't have a day of rest. I'm working every single day, or I'm working from home every single day. We do, our bodies do need rest.

What do you say to that?

My reaction is, here's what I've learned, and again to the audience, one of the goals of this episode in particular is our show overall is to inspire people in places. That's why we have the name inspiring people in places. And I think what we're hoping to do with this conversation and some of our episodes is to inspire a conversation around this topic. And I'll dig in and just kinda go a little bit vulnerable here. I've evolved in the last three years, one in my own self awareness of my own ability to handle stress, two in my ability to understand what stressors are out there that you might not label as stressors in our traditional sense, right?

Physical stress of going and getting a workout in, that's a very obvious stressor to your body, then you need to rest and repair and recuperate from that. So you can't do a leg day every day. The stress of high intensity work, I put in quotes, meaning in our industry you can't be grinding 20 fourseven on crazy deadlines all day every day, and not feel burnout. Those are two obvious ones. The ones that I don't think we maybe appreciate as much, Val, want your reaction to this, is you mentioned technology, let's start with you know, ESPN and the twenty four hour news cycle.

Many many moons ago you waited for your newspaper to get the news of the day, or the day before. You were probably limited to what was going on in your immediate community and the world. Now we have the twenty four hour news cycle and the Twittersphere and the CNNs and the ESPNs and the Instagrams and the LinkedIns and constant barrage of quote breaking news, or headlines, or click bait, which is a lot of fear mongering, or just trying to get our eyes to jump into something. I think all of that noise out there can be stressors, and the stressors are cumulative, meaning the way it was taught to me is, is it sympathetic or parasympathetic? Your nervous system, let's call it your nervous system.

Your nervous system is a graduated cylinder, you pour a little water into the graduated cylinder, it fills up, relaxation, recuperation lets it kind of drain down. Once it's full, you start pouring water on it, the water has nowhere to go but to overflow, and once our system is overflowing, it's kind of the straw that breaks the camel's back. So we have all these stressors coming in that if we're always at an elevated state of stress, it's little things that can make our cylinder pour over, or it's little things that break the camel's back. How is that for my description?

Yeah, you're right on. I think our brains were never intended to do as much as we're doing today. Do you notice that people are multitasking more than ever before? Meaning, doing earbuds in, looking at their phone, answering someone on the phone, on the computer. I don't think God intended us to do all the things that we're doing.

I just want to say, this was a friend of mine that now has moved away, but she had a high powered position. And she said to me, Val, I'm fasting for a month, multitasking. And I was like, woah, how is she going to do all that she's expected to do in her career? And at the end of the month we got together and she said, Val, I did just as much and I had much more peace than when I was multitasking, talking on the phone, driving down the road. She just said a huge difference.

I love the book by Doctor. Leaf. She's written books you know, turn your brain on. And she talks about when we're in control of our thoughts, the actual look of the brain changes. Now we got to look at, we're not in control of our thoughts when we're just like multitasking, doing, doing, doing, activity addiction throughout our days.

We've got to be aware. Do we think about what we think about? We can be thinking while we're multitasking. And we may be saying to ourselves, oh man, I can't get all this stuff done. I'm sick and tired of my life.

Instead of really looking at where our, if you watch my hand, where our brain leads, the rest of us is going to follow. The brain is a powerful, powerful tool for the rest of our bodies and we have to be thinking about what we think about. And what we say to ourselves throughout the day is gonna direct the course of our day.

Right.

So if we can be aware of that, you give me feedback, DJ, on that one.

I think we have to end this with action items. I want to put together a quick toolkit at the end of this. My quick reaction to what you just said is, meditation is all about thinking about what you are thinking about, and it's not about not having thoughts, it's about observing your thoughts. And knowing that that's where your mind goes, and what are you thinking about, and then catching yourself. I have a book behind me, and I brought it up another couple of podcasts ago about confident mind, and success, you know the most successful people work on their mindset more than anything else.

So I completely agree with you that where your mind goes, everything else follows. Let's talk about the workplace, because another relevant occurrence this week, on, we have a company education forum weekly called MCFA University, and most of it is work related or professional development, one was personal development on mental health, and managing stress and anxiety. So in order to change this conversation, we have to speak to both sides of the story. So managers or corporate or business side is trying to get the most productivity out of their assets. And we talk about our people, our greatest assets.

So we're trying to put our people in a position to be as productive and as effective as possible. We, at the same time, we want our people to be taking care of themselves. So we know that burnout is bad. We know that everything says, if you can unlock the potential in people, that's a good thing. We all know that a certain amount of stress is required for growth, right?

Because if you just stabilize and stay comfortable, you'll never get any better. So you've got to go through some obstacles and through some growing pains to continuously grow. So there is this balance now, I'm completely aware of the need to have a culture in an organization that promotes mental health, promotes stress management, creates awareness, encourages conversations between managers and employees about their capacity. At the same time, I am putting pressure on our team to continuously grow and push themselves outside of their comfort zone. Where do we strike the balance and how do we strike the balance in those two conversations?

Yeah,

you know I look at, you know, just listening to what you are saying is a manager. How, you know, I love the book Boundaries by Townsend MacLeod. They talk about you can influence others. And just as a manager, you can influence your employees. But bottom line we cannot control anyone else but ourselves.

So you handing them tools to look at their emotional health and taking care of themselves is huge. You know, that you'd care about the person, the whole person. You know, I always say God made us physical, spiritual, emotional beings, and we gotta take care of it. They all tap on each other. You know, when we're out of whack emotionally, it sure can affect our physical symptoms.

What is it, seventy five percent of primary care visits typically is stress related? So we go back to like a flight attendant on an airplane saying before you can help anyone else around you, you first put that air mask over yourself.

And

there's something about teaching and talking about self care. You know, in private practice, I talk about it all the time, because so often people didn't learn it in their families of origin. They didn't see it, it wasn't modeled. So they've got to, as adults, look at how can I take care of me? Because I sure can't take care of my kids or the work I'm called to do until I first.

It's kind of we've got to be somewhat selfish in taking care of ourselves because no one's gonna do it for you, even if you're married. You've gotta take care of you. Like I sense you work out, how important that is, those endorphins going off in the brain, taking physically, even if it's someone listening today, maybe you don't exercise at all, just taking maybe a twenty minute walk in the evening, can just help. Do you have any more questions? Am I staying in the vein you want to hear?

Absolutely, there's no vein I don't want you to go into, because I think mental health, you know, being cumulative, marriage is a stressor, parenting is a stressor, maybe caring for your parents is a stressor. When you're talking about human beings, they bring their whole self to work, so nothing's, to me nothing's off limits when you're talking about this topic. And my wife and I just, know, we just came back from a vacation with our kids, it was great, very reenergizing, it was without anybody else, so our kids were able to play together, we were enjoying parenting because there was no deadlines and no, there was no outside stressors, it was all, you know, no timelines, no, now we are back into sports and practices, and hey, can you pick this one up while I run to this, and I got a doctor's appointment, I'm like, I got a meeting at that time, I don't know, maybe I'll take the meeting in the road, and now I'm half paying attention. All of these things, I think I care about this from a corporate standpoint, because I get it, I recognize it in my own life, and if it's happening in my life, it's happening in my employees' lives.

You hit on self care is not selfish, that's And a mantra everybody can take on, you know, self care is not selfish. So let's talk about some topics of self care. But help me talk about or help me think through leaving work at work, know you hit on boundaries, leaving work at work, being able to then go be present at home, we've talked about stillness, how much of it is that we just have too much going on in our lives?

I think you're right on. We just have so much going on in our lives, and I think technology is fabulous, but I see a lot of couples in private practice, and so often there's this expectation from work to keep working through the night since you can, at home on a computer. Do you know how many times I've heard a couple say, one person, husband or wife say, feel like there's a third person in bed with us. Because my husband has to work late and is on the computer. What I often recommend, BJ, is when you get to figure it out, as a couple, what time can you turn electronic devices off?

And just focus on being a couple. Just focus on being a family. My father was an attorney and he didn't have a problem in the 70s just closing the door and coming home and being a good dad. I was walking the beach recently and I saw this man with like a five year old little daughter and they were walking the beach, and then I turned around and they turned around. And I could tell he was on a business conversation, so it was about a forty minute walk.

He was not able to focus and be present with his daughter, he had to be focused on maybe a job issue that was going on. Does that make sense? The boundaries are not clear today. Once again, my dad could hang up his work hat and put on his husband hat and and, you know, father hat and come in and be the father and husband he was called to be. Right.

I just don't... I feel until people realize they've got to put boundaries around, they they just feel stressed out and they don't.

Yeah. So there's... Oh man, there's so many topics here. Alright. I'm gonna go with multitasking first.

That's that's gonna be my... First of all, it's been proven it doesn't work. Right? You can't be Right. You can't be wholly effective at two things at one time.

We're not computers. And even computers can't do it. I'm not I'm not a computer scientist, but I do know that it's it's... I I think it's... I won't even try and describe it, but it's really doing one process and then another process.

It's just doing it rapidly in a computer and our brains are the same way. So back to me trying to do a conference call and parent or take somebody doctor while they're talking to me in the back seat saying, Daddy, daddy, daddy. I'm being ineffective at both. I'm not being present to the child in the car and I'm not being completely present to the conference call going on. It's just...

Wow, that's good.

It's not

It's impossible.

There's reality, so sometimes you have to do these things, and you have to make peace with it, so I often tell my kids, look, I'm sorry, I have to take a phone call, I will address anything after the call, please cooperate for daddy. And just recognize you can't be a dad in that moment. You might be able to be a transporter, you might be able to be a taxi that's not engaging with the kid in the back seat, but you gotta be on the conference call. So, busyness isn't going away, the technology's not going away, but our ability to maybe compartmentalize and you know, not be distracted in the moments that we're at, I think requires some new rewiring, because I think technology, whether that's Facebook or Twitter, or Instagram, or CNN, they are getting paid for our eyes on their technology or their content. So they've worked really, really hard to perfect the science of taking our attention from whatever it's on, whether that's work, or whether that's family, or whether that's children, and getting it back onto the phone.

There was the documentary on the infinity scroll, and I think it was called The Social Network or something like that. The social dilemma, I think it is. So all of this science has gone to controlling our attention. We're essentially having to refocus our time and attention into the science that allows us to refocus and not be distracted, which is where meditation and other practices come in. So technology free or screen free times and days is one of the things that you said, having the boundaries around technology or email is another.

What are some other actionable tips for our listeners?

Yeah, you know, if I could suggest looking that we are emotional, physical, and spiritual beings, what can our listeners today do emotionally? And so often, because of technology, we're separated and isolated. Whom can you plan to connect with emotionally? Can you meet a friend for dinner during the week? Can you make plans to socialize and be with other people is a recommendation that I would definitely make.

You know, as we talked about earlier, exercise, giving yourself time to take care of yourself physically, and I'm including eating. Food is fuel for our bodies. That's the purpose of it. And if our listeners can think about what they eat, and is it bringing fuel to their bodies? You know our brains are made up of 80 some percent water.

Do you notice how we move towards getting some caffeine to keep us going? What would happen if you move towards getting a bottle of water instead of the caffeine to keep you going? Because research shows after 02:00 in the afternoon, caffeinated beverages can affect someone's sleep. Then it's like a vicious cycle. You know, we need the caffeine in the afternoon to keep us awake, but then we're having a difficult time sleeping at night.

So if they can, let's say they drink caffeine up to 05:00 in the afternoon, can you start trying to cut it back an hour and then another hour, You know, if you're still having difficulty sleeping. Get out in nature. Wherever you live, just enjoy nature. Is it taking a walk? Is it going to a beach or to a lake, if you enjoy water, there's something about getting out of your home, and getting out of nature that can be so therapeutic.

I see it, and I hear it all the time. I know it for myself.

So we've got emotional, and you hit on plans to socialize, be with other people. I want to bring up date nights, because I think that, I've talked about it I think before on this show, or at least in our weekly email. I don't always prioritize this, but I know that me going out with my wife is good for us and it's the conversations we never get to have because we're having three minute conversations and passing in the morning while trying to get kids ready for school, blah blah blah. So talk to me about family life, married life, parenting, and I'll call it dating your spouse.

Yeah, I love it. Let's start right there. Those date nights are so important. You know, we tend to as human beings, we tend to move towards what we saw growing up. So BJ, I look at you, your kids are watching you and your wife, And they're gonna gravitate towards what they saw in your marriage.

So I have this memory as a little girl, every Friday night my mom and dad went out on a date. And I'm not kidding, I remember as they walked out the door and the babysitter would come, I felt a sense of security. I know this sounds weird, but that they were taking care of themselves and their marriage. That they were not inviting us to come, my siblings and myself. They were going by themselves brought a sense of security as a little girl.

Really so often, I mean yesterday in private practice, how many times I heard, we don't have the time for day nine. Well, you're gonna have to make the time. Because if you don't make your marriage our priority, I'll tell you, so many things can come before the marriage. And then we question, you know, I hate to say this, but so often people come in and one party has had an affair. Often something wasn't quite right in the marriage for someone to step out on the marriage.

Does that make sense? I don't care if it was an emotional affair or an affair. That's where the couple needs to make themselves a priority. Then your children are the next priority. And then work, and extracurricular activities, hobbies, and church, and everything.

First things first, we've got to take care of, I always say God first, then our spouse, then our children, and then work, church, and everything else, on one line.

First things first, great book by Stephen Covey by the way. Think this is another version of self care is not selfish. So I'm going react to what you said, because again, I was just talking to two employees that are a little younger than me, have much younger families, and it took us a while, Natalie and I, to prioritize vacations with just us. We are blessed by having very close families, so we do a lot of things with both of our extended families, my side, her side, the cousins are all close, my siblings and all of our parents are all close, so we spend a lot of time with others, and we're, I think, very loyal friends, so when the bachelor party or the baptism or the wedding or the whatever requires us to make the time and to commit the time to others, we're able to do it. What's left at the end of that is like, oh, we don't have the vacation time left, or we don't have the money to do that, oh, we shouldn't do that for ourselves.

And back to your point of making the time, it's like we always make the time for other people, but we weren't focusing on making the time for our family unit. So I think that's critically important, is making the time. And this goes for everything, Back to, are we quote too busy as human beings? The answer is yes. What are we busy doing, you know, is it is it infinity scrolling, or is it Netflix ing, or is it just mindlessly sitting in front of a couch, or or sitting on the couch in front of a TV listening to Fox News or CNN or you know, whatever.

How much of that stuff can we turn off without it impacting our ability to perform or maybe increasing our ability to perform while also giving us a lot of time back, and the ability to compartmentalize it. So I think everything really comes down to getting rid of things that, know, what's, somebody talks about your to do list versus your not to do list. What are the things that you can take off your to do list that are, you know, robbing you To of make energy

and immediate family is a priority. You know, if people went to my website, valeriepeterson.org, you can just click on and read for free, you know, 10 tips for a positive marriage, tips for positive parenting. People can just take a look. You know, I... In the book on the booklet on healthy marriages, I do say every quarter, I don't care if it's the next town over, get away with your spouse.

Yeah.

Get... Just even if it's for an overnight, get away, go away. Do you ever notice, BJ, when even it's a short, just a weekend away, how it just can enhance your relationship with your spouse when you just get away.

Hey, we still like each other. I

really still know you. You know? Yes. So, you know, that's in my booklet, because I think we can still focus on the friends and going away with the friends and being with our kids, but the marriage needs alone time. You know, if I just go back to the date night, a suggestion would be, you know, each, you know, the husband, the wife, write down just fun things that they would like to do and put in a glass jar, shake it up each week.

You know, one person gets to pick out what they're gonna do or just surprising each other. Like, BJ, this is your week on Friday night. You pick where you wanna take your wife and what you wanna do. Does that mean surprise her? You know, make it fun.

You know, we go from infatuation when you're dating and engaged to a day to day problem solving relationship when you're married. So what has to happen is you've got to create the romance that you had when you were dating and engaged. The people who come in that's been married twenty years and say we don't even know each other anymore. We don't even really like each other anymore. So if people can start early on and just keep that romance alive, it's so important to keep the marriage healthy.

So we talked about marriage, and it doesn't have to be all the tips for positive parenting, but what are some of the things we can be doing as better parents? Because your last topic bulletproof our schools. First, self care is taking care of what is in our house before we worry about what is in our schools. Talk to us about positive parenting.

Yeah, you know, I always say to people, I don't care how much money you have, delayed gratification of goals is so important. I read a book years ago by a physician in North Carolina, I don't remember his name, but he wrote a book and he had a chapter on the little prince and princess syndrome. And he talked about when they were little and they were in their motorized cars, how cute they were. But then they became tweens and teenagers and they became entitled. He did these case studies that were very interesting.

And basically what he was trying to prove is when you give your child everything or anything that they want and they don't have that waiting time, often they become entitled adults. Mom and dad, as I'm heading off to college, give me your credit card. Oh, that car isn't good enough. I need a brand new car to graduate from high school. Does that make sense?

We can have entitled children. So I'll say to couples, you may have a ton of money, but make your children learn to save and to work for a toy that they want. Does that make sense? You know, I I grew up. My house had rhododendron bushes around it, and I'll never forget wanting a toy, a specific, you know, toy.

And my dad said, Well, you and your brother, go around the whole house and pull off those rhododendron, you know, what do you call them? Like stems, whatever. Pull them off and then we'll talk about it then. I'll tell you, my hands were all sticky and gross. It took a while to get around the full house.

But I appreciate it when I got that new toy. Does that make sense? I, you know, that saying it's impossible to experience true appreciation until you first experience need. Our children today don't ever have a need. So how can they truly appreciate what they have?

Does that make sense? Well

I think gratitude comes from that too. Right? If the ability, you talked about appreciation, I think it's gratefulness too. I remember going to boot camp and coming back and appreciating the ability to go to the refrigerator, open the refrigerator and get a glass of milk. And like, it's not till you don't have something that you can really appreciate and have gratitude Exactly.

For

I remember my daughter came to me and said, mom, I want a car just like Whitney's. Well, Whitney, her friend had gotten, you know, a brand new BMW when her junior year in high school because her mom and dad were separated and divorced. And, you know, mom shared, Christine is my daughter, said, you know, her father feels bad he's not here, so he bought her the new car. Well I walked away with my daughter and said, you know, Christine, that would be mom's dream car. What is Whitney gonna...

What is she going to appreciate or how is she gonna appreciate or what is she gonna really, really want when she gets older? Does that mean... What is she gonna appreciate if she already has a dream car that a parent would want? Does that make sense? Yeah.

I was trying to educate my daughter. You know, just because you have an old... An older car, you you gotta work. Yeah. And you will earn to get the car that you dream to have, if that makes sense.

Certainly does. Give our kids too much. We really can't. So what else do I recommend? Spending quality time with your children.

Spending one on one time. Let's say you have three kids, take one at a time them out to dinner, do something fun with them one on one. Let them know you're interested in their given day. Families research shows families that eat around a dinner table together, most more likely they'll be less acting out and being promiscuous or using drugs. There's something about the dinner table.

How was your day? Talking, that sense of family, community is so important. Today, they often don't get it. What I say to families when they go, All my kids are in travel sports. I'll say, Then go into a McDonald's, sit around a table together, you know, instead of in the car everyone eating, find that sense of family, even if it has to be quick at a Burger King, you know, or a McDonald's, get around a table together and really show interest in what they're doing.

You know, if parents can look and try to steer their children by the gifts that they have, each of your children are wired differently. Try to discern where their gifting lies and open up doors for them in that area. So often parents can push their children where they want them to go. Does that make sense?

Yeah, absolutely.

Instead of, living vicariously through their children, instead of really looking, where is my child gifted? I want him to be gifted in sports, but maybe it really is Art, a musical music, yeah.

I just had this conversation with my wife.

It's so funny, I love the book by Kevin Lehman, the birth order book. It talks about there's something to birth order in our children. Know, same parents, but the kids can be wired so differently. That's a fun book to read.

Alright, I'll check that one out. Last topic, you wrote the book, what do we call this? Bullyproof our Schools. We started we started talking with you know Columbine was on 04/20/1999 since then the amount of mental health crises school shootings, harassment, intimidation and bullying that's going on in schools is becoming, you know, and the additional pressures that these kids have on them, probably due to a lot of the social media and the technology we referenced already. So, what are some tips, or what's your overall thesis from the, you know, bully proofing our schools?

You know, in the booklet I really focus on, if your child is the bully, what to do. If your child is being bullied, what to do. If your child is a bystander, watches it, but doesn't participate in it, what to do. You know, I really try to explain in the booklet that every school needs to have an anti bullying policy, that every bus driver, every cafeteria worker knows and understands and abides by. Because often the bullying is happening under the stairwell, in the cafeteria, on the school bus is where I hear a lot of it.

Parents, be aware of your children's moods and emotions. If you see some shifting in them, asking open ended questions. What I've seen, BJ, often kids don't want to tell their parents for fear that the mom and dad will go to the school and then the bullying will become worse for the children or the child. Does that make sense?

Yeah. Absolutely. So,

you know, you can go once again to my website, Valerie Peterson dot org, and actually, you know, check the booklet out, you know, read it. But you are your child's advocate in in in this. And if they're being bullied, you know, communicating with them that, you know, we're gonna have to, we'll go together if they wanna go together to the teacher or to the principal or to the guidance counselor. But not allowing it to continue to happen, the bullying, needs to stop. Once again, school needs to have an anti bullying policy.

And just

to go a little deeper on this topic, because we hit on a bunch of things and we talked about how adult stress has changed. What has changed in our schools that now bullying is, one, there's the legal side of this, and that's the litigious society that we live in, and some of it's the protection of the schools that they really need to be protecting themselves. But talk to us, let's say that we have somebody in the audience listening that's like, kids just need to be able to stand up for themselves and a little bullying is how kids grow and you you gotta be able to handle yourself. Talk to me, our audience, about you know, what has changed in our schools and why is this so much different than what maybe we remember as kids or generations prior.

Yeah, I do wanna state here is the difference, I think, is bullying used to happen from 08:00 in the morning till two in the afternoon or three when school was out. But today, because of technology, kids are being bullied all through the night. Mean text messages. Mean, know, They get away from it. They they can't get away from it.

So I think the vulnerability for the student is so much more. What I'm hearing a lot of is that, well it didn't happen on school grounds. It happened from their home, from their own cell phone. Does that make sense?

Yeah.

So the parent really does come in here about being aware of their children's... What they're receiving, what they're watching, what they're looking at on their phone. Does that make sense?

Yeah.

I think parents need to be so aware, because often, once again, they're fearful if parents see it, they'll do something about it, and will it get worse for me? Is something I hear a lot in private practice, if that makes sense.

Yeah. So I think our thesis today is to get rid of all technology. Off the TV, turn off the phones, get away from the screens, get away from the Instagrams. Really I'm saying it half joking, but I think it is creating space between, I think you started this with stillness and finding stillness at any level, finding stillness in your marriage, finding stillness in your family, helping your children find stillness, helping yourself find stillness. Self care is not selfish.

Separate yourself, create boundaries, take care of yourself, and and redo... Reduce the noise. It was only that simple something. You know, Easier said than done.

Said than done, but you've just set, like, a foundation. Yeah. Like, with people tuning out from this today, they can really think on all of this. Yeah. What they can do different in their own families, because it starts with us as individuals, and then the family unit.

Agree, there's a quote, I'm gonna botch it, but it was something like this, a man set out to change the world, and he failed. So he tried to change his country, and he failed. So he tried to change his state, and he failed. So he tried to change his city and he failed. So he tried to change his street and he failed.

So he tried to change his home and he failed. So he tried to change himself and he succeeded. And his family changed and his street changed, and his city changed, right? So the whole man in the mirror, and I do think you know, you use the airline, you know, put the mask on yourself first, I think all of that is super relevant and I will close out, I will give you the last minute, I will close out by saying to anybody listening in the audience, if you are struggling with this stuff, hopefully this is a basis to start from. If you're not working out, start working out, whatever that looks like to you.

It could be the twenty minute walk three times a week. If you're only eating fast food and drinking coffee, replace the coffee with a couple of waters, replace the fast food with a salad and make small incremental changes. But the number one is look at what you're consuming physically, emotionally, know, what you're reading, what you're listening to, the only thing you should be listening to is our podcast probably, and evaluate that, and create the space to, you know, do more of the deep work and the self work, and speaking from my experience, it is not something that you just unplug overnight and fix, it's you know, piece by piece, becoming more aware of what works for you and what habits you can change, Because if you try to change them all at once, that will lead to overwhelm and you'll give up. Inspiring people in places is brought to you by MCFA. MCFA is a CVE verified service disabled veteran owned small business.

At MCFA, our why is to inspire people in places through project leadership. We provide planning, strategy, program management, and construction management support services to a wide variety of public and private sector clients. Val, thank you so much for your time. The floor is yours to close us out, and we will make sure... Where where can people follow you, or or what's the website?

Yes. It's valeriepeterson.org.

Okay. And we'll put that in the

show notes. Yes. Those... If they go there, they can, you know, read the booklets. I do wanna say, I wanna remind our listening audience today that you can't bring anyone further than you've come yourself.

Something to think about. We've had good things handed down to each of us, generation to generation. But we also had not so good things handed down to us generation to generation. We call it in the mental health field generational patterns. If I could encourage anything, is recognize the patterns that you want to keep, that you've learned that are healthy from your family of origin, and pass them down to the next generation.

But those things that are not so good, recognize them, talk to your spouse if you're married, and say, let's identify those things that we don't want to hand down to our children so they're going to go in a different way than maybe we saw. Does that make sense?

Excellent.

So you all are influencers. You're influencing your children. You're influencing your community, your workplace. But like you just described so beautifully, first things first, it starts within us so that we can influence our family. And that immediate family, then your children can go out and influence others.

So use the airline analogy, everyone. First over your face, and then your children, and then everybody else after that. I should say, I add in spouse too.

Yes. Val, so much, thank you so much for joining us. Appreciate your time, your insight, and we'll be sure to put some of this stuff in the show notes, especially the links to your booklets.

Alright, thanks so much. It's been a pleasure being with you today.

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