5 Conversations Men Over 50 Need to Have

Hello my Greybeards and Greyhairs!!!

Let’s face it, fellas. We can be pretty good at avoiding conversations we don’t want to have.

We’ll talk about football. Politics. Cars. Golf. Work. That restaurant that charged $22 for a hamburger.

But ask us about our health, retirement, relationships, or how we’re actually doing?

“I’m good.”

Two words that have probably ended more conversations between men than anything else in the English language.

But once you get past 50, I think there are certain conversations we just can’t keep putting off.

Not because we’re getting old. I refuse to accept that just yet.

But because we’re old enough to know better.

And there’s a difference.

1. We Need to Talk About Our Health

Why are men like this?

The car makes one strange noise and we’re at the mechanic the next morning.

Our knee has been hurting since the Obama administration?

“I’m gonna give it another week.”

Come on, man.

After 50, “I feel fine” really isn’t a health strategy anymore.

We need to know our numbers. Blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar, weight, all of it. We need to get the screenings we're supposed to get. And yes, we need to talk about the stuff we'd rather not talk about.

Prostate health. (YOU KNOW I KNOW ABOUT THIS!)

Sexual health.

Mental health. (AGAIN.. YOU KNOW I KNOW ABOUT THIS TOO!)

Sleep.

Stress.

And sometimes just admitting that something doesn’t feel right.

Going to the doctor doesn’t make you old.

Ignoring something for three years because you’re hoping it magically disappears doesn’t make you tough either.

Make the appointment.

2. We Need to Talk About Money

This is another funny one.

Guys will tell you what stock they're buying before they'll tell you whether they're actually prepared for retirement.

We'll talk about Bitcoin, the S&P 500 and what somebody's house sold for down the block.

But the real questions?

Those can get uncomfortable.

Can I actually afford to retire?

How much money do I really need?

What happens if I can't work?

Does my family know where everything is?

Is my will updated?

Who knows where the insurance policies are?

Who has access to what?

And here's something I've been thinking about more lately.

At some point, money has to stop being just about making more money.

What is the money for?

Maybe it's traveling.

Maybe it's helping your kids.

Maybe it's starting that little business you've been talking about forever.

Maybe it's leaving something behind for your grandchildren.

Or maybe it's simply having enough freedom to wake up on a Tuesday morning and decide you're not doing a damn thing today.

That's worth something too.

3. We Need to Talk to Our Families

This might be the biggest one.

We assume people know how we feel about them.

Your kids know you're proud of them.

Your wife knows you appreciate her.

Your brother knows that disagreement from 2007 isn't that serious anymore.

Your friend knows you love him like a brother.

Maybe they do.

But why make them guess?

There are some things we should probably say out loud while we're here to say them.

“I love you.”

“I'm proud of you.”

“I appreciate you.”

“I was wrong.”

“I'm sorry.”

“I forgive you.”

And sometimes:

“Listen, if something happens to me, here's what I want you to do.”

Not exactly the most exciting conversation to have over Sunday dinner, but it's important.

We spend a lot of our younger years assuming there's always more time.

After 50, you start realizing how valuable time actually is.

4. We Need to Talk to Our Friends

And I don't mean the group chat.

Although the group chat definitely has its place.

I'm talking about actually checking on your boys.

“How are you doing?”

And when they say, “I'm good,” maybe ask again.

Because we know what “I'm good” can mean.

It can mean I'm good.

It can also mean my job is driving me crazy, I'm worried about money, something's wrong in my marriage, I haven't been sleeping, I'm scared about something the doctor told me, and I don't know who to talk to about it.

So...

“I'm good.”

Men have gotten really good at carrying things quietly.

We don't always need somebody to fix the problem.

Sometimes you just need somebody you trust enough to tell the truth to.

If you've got two or three people in your life you can genuinely do that with, you're fortunate.

Don't take those relationships for granted.

5. We Need to Talk to Ourselves

Now here's the conversation that might be the hardest.

The one you have with yourself.

Am I happy?

Not “Do I have a decent job?”

Not “Did I pay the mortgage?”

Not “Are the kids doing okay?”

I mean you.

Are you happy with your life?

What do you still want to do?

What have you been putting off?

What are you still carrying around that you should have dropped off somewhere around 2014?

What relationships are important to you now?

What are you doing because you genuinely enjoy it, and what are you doing simply because you've been doing it for 30 years?

And here's the big one:

Who do I want to be for the rest of my life?

I think that's one of the great opportunities of getting older.

You start caring a little less about what everybody else thinks.

You've made some mistakes.

You've had some wins.

You've lost some people.

You've learned some things the hard way.

And hopefully you've figured out that you don't have to spend the rest of your life being exactly who you were during the first half.

You can change.

You can start something.

You can stop something.

You can apologize.

You can forgive somebody.

You can travel.

You can start a business.

You can pick up a hobby.

You can sit on the porch with a good drink and decide you're perfectly happy doing absolutely nothing for the next two hours.

That's growth too.

So...What's the Conversation?

I don't think being grounded means having everything figured out.

I definitely don't.

To me, it's more about being honest about where you are.

And maybe that's one of the advantages of getting older.

You start realizing that peace isn't about having a perfect life.

It's about getting comfortable with your own life.

But sometimes that requires having a few conversations we'd rather avoid.

With the doctor.

With your spouse.

With your kids.

With your friends.

And sometimes with that guy staring back at you in the mirror.

So here's my question for you:

What's one conversation you know you need to have...but you've been putting off?

You probably already know the answer.

Maybe it's time to have it.

Until next time...

More purpose. More peace. Stay grounded.

Brian Tomlinson
Grey & Grounded