For Chefs Who Want To Enjoy Their Careers Without Sacrificing Their Lives
Sept. 26, 2023

Thriving in Hospitality by Prioritizing Well-being | Erin Boyle and Jasmin Parks of CHOWCO.org

Thriving in Hospitality by Prioritizing Well-being | Erin Boyle and Jasmin Parks of CHOWCO.org

My special guests are Erin Boyle and Jasmin Parks of CHOW.org

Jasmin Parks, Erin Boyle, and CHOW fill a significant gap in wellness support in the hospitality industry.

Jazz, a chef by trade, identified the urgent need for a rethink of work ethics in the industry and passionately advocates for establishing self-care as a norm, not an outlier.

Erin, who has bravely shared her own mental health struggles, is a beacon for those seeking understanding, providing resources, connections, and a much-needed safe space for dialogue.

Their dedication makes them a light in the hospitality industry, guiding professionals towards improved mental health and well-being.

"We need to create a container where hospitality professionals can check in with each other, listen, and have compassion and grace for one another. It's time to prioritize mental health and wellness in our industry." - Jasmine Parks

In a world where silence often shrouds the struggles of hospitality professionals, two women dared to defy the norm. They manage a sanctuary, a digital haven, where the battles of the mind can find solace. But little did they know that their journey would take an unexpected turn, revealing a truth that would shake the industry to its core.

Brace yourself as we delve into the heart-wrenching tale of Erin Boyle and Jasmin Parks and the startling revelation that awaits them at the crossroads of mental health and hospitality.

In this episode, you will be able to:

  • Discover strategies for fortifying mental health and wellness within the demanding hospitality sector.
  • Learn the benefits of establishing safe spaces and nurturing communities among industry professionals.
  • Examine the challenges the newest generation faces as they enter the modern workforce.
  • Uncover the essential role of compassion, grace, and collective effort within the hospitality environment.
  • Delve into the profound effects of trauma on mental health and the significance of healing and self-realization.

 

If you're experiencing a mental health issue, don't wait - dial 988 and get the help you need.

 

Have you heard these common myths about mental health and wellness in the hospitality industry?

Myth #1: Hospitality professionals must always be happy and energetic.

Myth #2: Seeking help for mental health is a sign of weakness.

Myth #3: Work-life balance is unattainable in this industry. Stay tuned as our guests Erin Boyle and Jasmin Parks debunk these myths and share the truth about mental health support in the hospitality industry.

Benefits of establishing safe spaces

Establishing safe spaces within the hospitality industry is essential to amplify voices, reduce stigma, and promote open dialogue about mental health. Providing these spaces, where employees can freely share their experiences and struggles, contributes to creating a supportive work environment and a sense of community. These spaces can function as essential reservoirs of compassion, understanding, and non-judgmental listening which are crucial for fostering mental well-being.

The resources mentioned in this episode are:

  • Visit the website Cheflifecoaching.com to book a discovery call with Adam M Lamb for culinary career coaching services.

  • Check out Chowco.org, a community organization based in Denver, Colorado that supports wellness, mental health, and recovery from substance misuse in the food, beverage, and hospitality community.

  • Attend the group discussion meetings held by Chow six times a week, led by someone with lived experience in mental health and/or substance use disorder. These meetings provide a safe space for sharing experiences and emotions.

  • Support Chow through donations or grants to help them continue their important work in the food, beverage, and hospitality industry.

  • Explore partnerships and sponsorships opportunities with Chow to contribute to their mission of supporting mental health and wellness in the industry.

  • Connect with Chef Life Radio  and Chow as part of the larger coalition committed to supporting mental health and wellness in the hospitality industry, known as Not 9 to 5.

The key moments in this episode are:

00:00:05 - High Prevalence of Mental Health Issues in the Hospitality Industry,

00:01:04 - Personal Experience and Benefits of Chow,

00:05:04 - Origins and Mission of Chow,

00:09:01 - Creating a Supportive Community,

00:16:28 - Tools for Service Improvement,

00:17:18 - The Value of Check-ins,

00:18:31 - Supporting Well-Being in the Industry,

00:20:24 - Embracing Change and Mentorship,

00:22:31 - Adapting to Industry Changes,

00:30:51 - Trauma and Panic Attacks,

00:32:02 - Taking Responsibility for Success,

00:32:39 - Meeting People Where They're At,

00:34:26 - Resilience and Adaptability,

00:37:40 - Support and Community,

Transcript

00:00:05

Welcome back to the show, Chef. If screaming in the walk in isn't cutting it anymore, then it's time to talk about it. You know you're not alone. 63% of food and beverage and hospitality professionals suffer from depression. 84% of food and beverage and hospitality workers feel stressed from their job.

 

00:00:25

It. 65% of food and beverage and hospitality workers report using substances at work. 53% of food and beverage and hospitality workers feel they've been pushed to their breaking at point. That's why today I'm so happy to talk to Jasmin and Erin from Chow.org. Because if you're feeling something that you can't share with coworkers, family or friends and you want to meet with industry folks and talk about what's working and what isn't in your life and if you're just feeling lonely, then Chow is the place to be.

 

00:01:04

I went there to I attended a Monday meeting and did a Zoom presentation and ended up breaking down because the vulnerability and the transparency of the conversation was such that I felt like I had to go there not to please anybody else, but because I really needed to just let it out. And it was such a great experience for me that I continue to go back. So I'm really happy to be able to talk to both of these women who've been such a force in the hospitality industry in bringing mental health awareness to the forefront, and they're doing things on the ground that actually matter. And if you're looking for somewhere to be yourself completely and finally let it all out, if nothing else, except to just get it out of your body, then Chow is the place to be. And we're going to get to all that and more right after these messages.

 

00:02:14

This is Chef Life Radio, and I'm your host, Adam M Lamb. I'm a culinary career coach dedicated to assisting hospitality professionals just like you to enjoy their careers without having to sacrifice their lives. I coach chefs on leadership, communication, culture, and relationship mastery. If you've lost your passion, purpose, or drive, you either want to move up or out, then let's connect. Book a discovery call by going to Cheflifecoaching.com services.

 

00:02:43

The link is in the show notes. Now let's get to the good stuff.

 

00:02:50

Ladies, it's such a pleasure to have you on the show. I know we've got a lot to talk about. Aaron Jazz. Welcome Chef Life radio. Thank you.

 

00:02:58

We're so excited to be here. Now, for those folks who may not necessarily be as familiar with your organization as they should be, you guys are currently based out of Denver, Colorado, correct? It's where we started. Yep. And when you say where you started, does that mean it's grown from that space?

 

00:03:16

We are all over Colorado, and we went accidentally international when COVID shut things down. So we were the only group that I know of doing peer support meetings. And so we've got folks calling in from Saskatchewan, Portugal, and then all over the nation. But yeah, we're mostly focused on Colorado. Currently and Jasmin, could you give our listeners kind of the thumbnail mission statement for Chow?

 

00:03:49

This is one of my biggest challenges in remembering it word for word, but the gist of it is basically that we want to support wellness, mental health and recovery from substance misuse in our community, specifically the food, beverage and hospitality community. And we do that through shared skills, stories and resources. Perfect. Now Aaron, it seems to me that during, I don't even want to say during the pandemic, but it seemed like right after the shutdown there was and everybody was making the huge exodus, as everybody called it, the great resignation, or I refer to it as the great reset. Then all of a sudden it became very, very popular to run stories and talk to hospitality professionals about mental health and wellness.

 

00:04:36

But your organization started before then, correct? We did. We started in 2018. Our founder had gone through a twelve step program and reentered the hospitality industry and was getting a lot of congratulations for making that transition back into it. And he said, I don't need the Atta boys, what I really want is to see change in the industry.

 

00:05:04

So he decided to set up a meeting where people could come and talk about their experiences and their emotions, the stuff that we don't talk about at work. For better or worse. The meeting was scheduled two days after Anthony Bourdain's death. So what could have been two or three people in a room ended up being closer to 35. They stayed for a few hours and talked and thus Chow was created.

 

00:05:33

They realized that it wasn't a one time meeting deal, it was something that was going to have to happen frequently. And it's unfortunate that it took the death of Anthony Bourdain to kind of put this front and center for a lot of folks. Because after 30 years in the industry I know that this is something that we've been struggling with for a very long time. And I harken back to my days in South Florida where 233 o'clock in the morning I'm headed home after the bar listening to the radio and that's when you'd hear the clean and sober hour. And I thought, man, they know their market don't they?

 

00:06:07

Because who else would be listed in this and just hammered it enough to, hmm, maybe this is not the best way for me to be dealing with the stress. Can you give us an idea about some of the support systems that Chow has been able to put into place? We have group discussion meetings six times a week. The meetings are led by someone we call an expo who has lived experience with mental health and or substance use disorder. They also have some training in how to help facilitate a group meeting and are able to offer additional resources.

 

00:06:47

So if somebody comes in and discloses to us that they are having trouble paying their rent or they paid their rent and now they won't have enough money for groceries, we can get them set up to have that need met. I started going to the meetings because I wanted to tell people about them. I wanted to help people. I was like, I don't need this. But once I start them, people who need them will find out how great they are.

 

00:07:21

Once I started going to meetings, when I miss a week, I miss that contact. I miss that community. I miss the place that I can put some of the more challenging emotions, whether they're good or bad. Sometimes you don't want to share the good stuff with your people because of how they'll react just the same as the bad stuff. So it's just been a really great place to feel seen from my own personal experience.

 

00:07:55

We do a check in at the beginning of the meeting. We call it a temperature take. We do it on a scale of rare to well done. Rare meaning juicy, full of life. Well done meaning left on the grill far too long, can't take anymore.

 

00:08:09

And with those check ins and with the group support, people noticed that I was checking in at Medium Well consistently for months. And I don't know that I even noticed that it was the group that was like so it's been Medium Well for a while, and that's what led me to finally decide to try medication for my anxiety and depression, which was not an easy decision. It took about a year to actually decide and then go through the rigmarole of finding the right one. All that's to say, now that I'm on it, I'm almost always a Medium rare rare, and nothing's really changed. I have the same stresses.

 

00:09:01

It doesn't fix anything, but I feel seen and heard. I was with people who were able to acknowledge what was going on with me and say something. So we're creating a community, and we're able to do that with each other too. So if we notice somebody's been missing from meetings for a couple of weeks, we don't need them to come back. Maybe they're really busy or doing great, but at least we can check in and say, hey, Adam, it's been a while since I've seen you.

 

00:09:25

How are things going? So it's really, for us, it's about creating that community. I wanted to be clear because the organization is called Chow, which is Culinary Hospitality, Outreach Wellness. And I think when someone would hear that first, they think it's, oh, so it's only for the back of the house, and you guys are only really dealing with, say, mental health or substance abuse issues. But what I'm hearing from you is there are all kinds of things that your organization does, including helping people get stretched between rent payments and stuff like that, where's the funding coming from.

 

00:10:02

We've got donors, we've got grants, and we're just starting to learn how to do sponsors and partnerships. Cool. Because I know that our two organizations, chef Life Radio and Chow, are not only connected, but we're also connected to this bigger coalition as part of not nine to five, and there's probably gosh 40 other organizations that are committed to supporting mental health and wellness in the hospitality industry. And I'm telling you, when I first started pivoting towards full time career coaching for chefs in 2014, there was nothing like this. Nothing.

 

00:10:47

And Jazz, to your point, you were probably the chef that you were trained, chained and conditioned to be, right? So the hard ass, keeping everybody on edge, it's like put up or shut up because we've all had similar experiences. And that became, I think, the expectation, certainly of at least our direct supports and often our peers, because they were the one that were kind of jeering us on, unfortunately. I can remember a time sitting out on the smoke deck and my chef friend sat next to me. He's like, you know, it's not a day until someone cries.

 

00:11:23

And we kind of laughed that off, and I felt really saddened by it. But it wasn't necessarily that we were trying to go around and agitate folks. It was just such an extremely stressful environment. And to be frank, some of our chef managers weren't really that great with folks. And I had to kind of intercede a lot, so there was always somebody to listen to because they needed to get it off their chest.

 

00:11:50

We didn't have that training, right? Like, I went to culinary school and we never had how to be a manager training. Perhaps they have it at some of the hospitality schools, but even what I know of that is mostly the business aspect. Forgetting that we're working with humans, right? I continue to make the same argument that very rarely are we.

 

00:12:17

I mean, almost nowhere is there leadership training for culinary professionals. It's typically learning how to be a good manager of diminishing resources, which is food, beverage and labor, but you can manage a labor cost, but you have to lead people. So applying that same thing. But like you said, if you're not taught, if this is what you see in front of you as you're modeling. And so I'm greatly encouraged that folks like you two are actually kind of bucking against how you were brought up and said, there's got to be a better way, because we all know there is.

 

00:12:54

I think there's also a slow degradation that's kind of passed down. We recently conducted a think tank in the Denver community where we wanted to listen to what was working and what was not in the local food, beverage and hospitality industry. And one of the things I found most interesting is that somebody shared with us, how do I manage this current workforce that has the old guard used to work in 18 hours on their feet. I got through it, so you should get through it. And these younger hires who are coming in and have very clear boundaries around their mental health and the time that they're willing to allot to work, how do I make that work?

 

00:13:31

And so I think our generation is kind of the product of a slow degradation of disincentivizing self care, right? In order to be really good at my job, I got to show up first and leave last and work on my feet and be fully exhausted in order to be a legitimate professional. Because we're this band of misfit toys. So it only makes sense that none of us are sober, none of us are rested, none of us have eaten anything. We're surviving on Red Bull and we're just pushing on this idea.

 

00:13:58

Which is why I love that chow is also centered just around the general idea of wellness, right? Did I drink enough water? Am I getting enough sleep? Did I check in with somebody today? Just the basics of foundational wellness in life.

 

00:14:12

I couldn't agree more. And Aaron to your know, that check in is incredibly important and I never really understood how important it was until I started doing a lot of men's. You know, I had some shit that I had to work on and I did that specifically sitting in circle with men, figuratively around a fire. But I'm blessed to have been kind of introduced to that work here in Asheville and it's something that's been very important to me over the last ten or twelve years. But the very first thing is you create the container and then you sit down and then you check in and that container does not get broken until everybody's done.

 

00:14:53

And one of my suspicions is that that type of methodology can actually be used for stand up meetings in an operation. Like consciously create a container with everybody not just haphazard, not just getting everybody around a table, but actually consciously co creating this container in which there's the opportunity to be able to check in. And I'm reminded of Patrick Mulvaney, who started I got your back when they started. His wife put together a shoebox and painted colors on it and had little pieces of paper where people had smiley faces or frowny faces on it and people put them in the box and then right during check in it was like, okay, the temperature of the kitchen seems to be a little medium well. Yeah, no, I heard about his after we had ours and I was like, oh that's so much easier than rare to well done.

 

00:15:48

Because as you said earlier, we're not just for the back of the house, a lot of us are in the back of the house. But we're chefs, servers, suppliers, bartenders, vendors, grubhub drivers, if you touch food, beverage, hospitality. So I do get worried that sometimes people won't understand if they're maybe a hostess that's not learned, a vegan hostess that hasn't learned all of the meat temperatures. But what you're saying is what we're encouraging organizations to do. We have a workplace wellness toolkit that is a living document that we're sharing with anyone who is interested.

 

00:16:28

It's available on our website and it has these tools that we've collected from organizations, things that have worked at some restaurant so that folks can try them at their organization, see what works, throw out what doesn't. And one of them is that temperature tech, it costs no money, it takes five minutes. And it helps create a little bit more grace, for lack of a better word, through service. So that if I know that Adam isn't intentionally being a dick to me, he's just well done know, I can give you a little bit more.

 

00:17:09

You know, it comes back to this idea of having compassion and grace for one another. Right. Follow through. Right? Yeah.

 

00:17:18

And so to get back to just present to how many meetings I held during COVID during the lockdown, because I was working full time at a retirement community and I spent a lot of time, a lot of time talking and sometimes listening. But I'm pretty clear that if I would have actually started the meeting with a check in round with everybody, at least there would be an opportunity to hear most of the concerns. Now, Jazz, this conversation that you guys were having in this particular meeting about the conundrum behind the dinosaur class and the new thinking that it's got to be one way when actually it's showing up the other, was there any consensus on a way forward? So this is the cool thing about Chow, in my opinion. We don't reach a consensus.

 

00:18:11

We exchange information and we try it on for size. Right. Because in a lot of things, we're not reinventing the wheel. We look for collaboration. What have you done?

 

00:18:20

Let me pass that on to someone else. So we have this little cans as a telephone system. This is what this person is doing. Why don't you try that? And we give support from A to Z.

 

00:18:31

So you do the check in and then when somebody does check in with well done, what do we do to support that? Because we can't just be checking in with people, activating them and then letting them finish their shift. So what does that look like? It might look like, would you like a different station today? Can I make sure to schedule you different breaks throughout your shift if you want to get through it?

 

00:18:50

Because we're all understaffed, we're tired. And so it's not realistic that you're going to for a lot of business models that you're going to check in with someone, they're going to say well done, and you can send them home. So what does support look like when you are here? Right. So we have not reached a general consensus.

 

00:19:05

But what we did kind of sit on the in between on and talk around, because the conversations are the centerpiece of these changes that we are trying to make is that listening to each other, right? Because the in between, from the outside, you can observe that the old guard that has now had to work for 30 years on their feet, they're exhausted right. At this point, if you pin prick them, Red Bull is coming out of their veins, not blood. They can right, absolutely. Because it was a rough Saturday night, right?

 

00:19:39

Exactly. Holy crap. Oh, my gosh. Truth, they can shift in the direction of this younger generation that's saying, work is supposed to pay my rent. It is not supposed to sustain me, identify me, fill my cup completely.

 

00:19:57

So I need to take care of myself as well. And we can moderate these conversations so that they're listening to each other. And Aaron and I experienced an awesome moment. We recently went to speak to a very large brand, and someone expressed the same concern on the panel during the Q and a portion of it, and they said, I'm going on 37 years. Was it Aaron with this company?

 

00:20:24

37 years. And I don't know what to do with this younger generation. And somebody had shared something with me that I shared with them, and I felt the room change. And I said, I'm really sorry that it was like that for you and how wonderful that you get to be a part of the change for someone else. And I think sometimes that old guard wants to be affirmed for how difficult it was and how challenging.

 

00:20:51

And you're here and now. You have almost this responsibility, this role to play in the new generation, and you can be a part of the change. We're not leaving you behind. Hence why I am here, because my suspicion all along has been that the reason why most of the old guard was pissed off when the millennials start showing up, there was all lots and lots of articles and all this other crap. As a matter of fact, I wrote an article called are the Millennials Killing the Industry?

 

00:21:19

And the answer was no, because actually what they were doing is they were reminding us that these things that they were asking for is universal to all of us. And we actually wanted that when we came in the industry. However, you look around and you see that that's not possible. And you kind of just tuck your head. So to a certain point, did any of us stand for those things that we thought were important?

 

00:21:40

Or did this thing over here, this identity of being a chef, the permission to run ramp shot and act badly and not have boundaries was that more appealing than standing for our boundaries and saying, hey, I would really like to make sure that I'm home on Sunday, or whatever that conversation looks like? Because now still there's. Like you said, these conversation about like, I can't deal with. Okay, well, first of all, they're not you. And as long as you're over here, you're not over there with them.

 

00:22:13

And it's not that far of a distance to go. And I get that some chefs would say that bullshit. Like you said, I had to do it, so they're going to do it. But the reality is that that's not the industry anymore. And if we don't change, there won't be an industry.

 

00:22:31

I mean, they've already got robots in some places. There's a lot of mechanical stuff. And I am present to the fact that at the pace of technology, there may be a need for the industry to reckon with the fact that some of these technologies may be necessary. If we don't have enough staff coming in, if you don't have full prep crew, it may be a sensible thing from a business standpoint to get some technology. Because the industry or the industries that have been serving the hospitality industry know they've gone from delivering a side of beef, know, chef ready in cryovac.

 

00:23:09

Right. And now nobody needs to know how to butcher, nobody needs to know how to ice, nobody needs to know anything because the support industry has been so clever at being able to say, you don't have to do that, you don't have to do that, you don't have to do that. And while it might be a cost savings, on the other side, there is a whole legacy that's being missed. Because really, a chef is not. You get a bunch of boxes and cryback on the back.

 

00:23:33

Doc cool. It used to be back in the day that the chef got a half a lamb and he had to make seven meals out of that in order, right? So it was how you used everything. And those type of skills are lost. And I'm not going to sit here and bemoan that kind of stuff.

 

00:23:49

But the industry is changing and it's important to recognize that and to know what people are asking for is not too far out of the realm of probability because it's what we wanted. And so giving a little bit might mean that we get a little bit. Well, I'll tell you, at least for me, I didn't know to want any of that. I got into the industry when I was 14. I was not thinking about retirement, I was not thinking about time off.

 

00:24:16

I was so excited to be there every day. I got to learn new cocktails, I got to learn about wine. And then when I went to the back of the house, learning all these new techniques and about other countries. I. Didn'T care that I was missing all these other things.

 

00:24:36

I also didn't know the toll that it was taking on me to work 81 hundred hour weeks because I was working two or three jobs because I just wanted to learn more. So I think in everything that you just said, it's not black and white, there's a gray area. So I didn't know to want those things. But I wish somebody had been there to be like, hey, kiddo, you're going to want this later. A retirement fund is really cool when you start getting closer to 50.

 

00:25:08

A four on what exactly? I called it a four one for, like, two years until somebody corrected me and I was like, Well, I don't know what it is. Yeah, Aaron, you're absolutely right on the money. And, Jazz, to speak to your point you brought up earlier, I was blessed with having a really old school, crusty guy be my mentor. In the very first executive chef position I had, which was a big one out at Arlington Park Racetrack outside of Chicago.

 

00:25:38

They had built a paramutual two story building, and they put a ditkas in there, and I got to run that as the executive chef. It was my very first time. And this guy, Ed Jameson, came from the Blackhawk restaurant downtown Chicago, from a time when the buyer actually went into the meat market and sat there in the office and had a little scotch with the guy and then would go out with his rubber stamp and stamp the sides of beef that were coming. So Ed came from a completely different place than I did, and thank God, because at first we couldn't stand one another, and slowly but surely, we endeared to one another. And it was one of the most impactful relationships I've ever had, and seemed like throughout my career, at the most kind of possible moment that things could go sideways, there was somebody that was standing there for me as a mentor.

 

00:26:29

That's why I come to this place where the younger generation doesn't want leadership, they want mentorship. They want someone elbow to elbow with them, who recognize them as a full and whole human being and actually share skill and time. And the most amazing conversations can be had when you're just elbow to elbow with somebody on a table without any agenda just sliding up there. And just so this idea of mentorship and that you didn't have one speaks to probably you're ready to mentor other people, aren't you? Gosh, I was in my very first six months at Chow.

 

00:27:07

We have this amazing mental health course that we offer, and it's by industry professionals, for industry professionals, and we all have to take it right before we push anything out. The cool thing about Chow is that before we push something out, we've all got to experience it. So I'm sitting in my first time teaching this mental health course, and somebody from a culinary school in Minnesota was like, we have a mentorship program. You need to come in and talk to these students. It took this man probably about 90 emails to even get me to consider it because I was like, absolutely not.

 

00:27:39

I am still in remission from my toxic personality, and I'm in a journey of emotional recovery, and I cannot be around people. I think chow has taught me chow and the people at chow, the community at chow has taught me so much about being able to share, like you're saying elbow to elbow, and it has grossly improved my quality of life. I did want to say I was thinking, as both of you were sharing, one of the things that we learn and that we pass on in this mental health course is this big question of do people come to us broken or did we break them? Right? Because one of the things that I evaluated about myself leaving the industry is I thought I had these excellent elbow to elbow connections.

 

00:28:32

This was my first chef, and that was my first sous chef. And then I was like, oh, so I just have a lot of trauma bonds with people. So we just sat and trauma bonded over how awful it all was. We just kind of kept egging each other on. And in this course, I figured out that not only are we so the hospitality industry ranks number one in the last couple of years in substance and misuse, right?

 

00:28:57

So when you have high numbers like that, you got to kind of take a lens and focus in on what's happening here. Are there preexisting mental health conditions? Are people really just walking in with a knife roll and a book? Or is there more to it? And what issues what mental health challenges are being cushioned by the way that we work?

 

00:29:17

Right? And that's an experience that resonates for me because I didn't know for years. I was diagnosed with high functioning anxiety as an adult. For the first 30 years of my life, I thought I was a really great performer. I was like, I'm showing up first.

 

00:29:31

My prep list is done. In the first 30 minutes of my shift, I've got, like five minute counts. We're on the line screaming, and the timing is always perfect. And then I'm like, the better I do professionally, the worse I feel at the end of the day and the more these stomach issues are ramping up. And that shift drink has turned into five.

 

00:29:53

And these people that I'm hanging out with outside of work, all we're really doing is just complaining about work. We're not having genuine human exchanges. So what's happening here? Turns out, spoiler alert it was high functioning anxiety. And being a chef, I think you.

 

00:30:09

Bring a great point and an interesting polarity. I have two coaching clients right now. One is a very high functioning, an amazing pastry chef who experienced not only racism but also misogyny in the industry, so much so that she had to leave. Her marriage broke down, and she is back on her path from wellness. And through our.

 

00:30:33

Conversation. I was just curious. I'm like the industry is such that there's instant gratification that occurs all the time. So that's got to attract a certain type of person. And I'm not saying they're broken, but I'm saying that maybe we all had a little need for some of that juice.

 

00:30:51

And it turned out that she had had some previous trauma that she wasn't it was so painful that she didn't necessarily want to connect to it. And I can appreciate that. And I have another client who I'm working with, spent time with yesterday, who for most of his career was a pretty capable young man until he worked for a chef that would actually a sous chef chef to cuisine I'm sorry, who would berate him verbally and threaten him physically. And that was the first time that he ever suffered a panic attack. And now he's had him ever since.

 

00:31:29

And so he's trying to gather himself back up, connect to a sense of his own self worth and purpose and so that he can hold his head high, because at the same time, there are the stresses going on in his primary relationship because, of course, he doesn't want to bother anybody. He doesn't want to tell anybody how bad it is. He wants to just kind of work it out. And I said, well, that's nice. How's that working for that's a great question for everyone in the industry.

 

00:32:02

Anytime they have a vague emotion or reaction, what you're doing, how's that working for you? Right. And it's not like I want to turn things around, but in my particular neck of the woods, the key to having a truly successful career is to become a mature professional, own your shit and do your work. I mean, it's as simple as that. Because as long as we can stand around and point the finger at everybody else and the owners or the industry and carpenting our shit and gathering together with other people who will only support that viewpoint jazz to Europe.

 

00:32:39

I don't give a shit what industry bar I've ever gone into, but it is not a happy place. At about 02:00 in the morning, it fucking sucks. Everybody's pissed off or griping about something. And I got to a point where I just could not be around. That's why I don't watch news anymore.

 

00:32:52

I just cannot have that shit in my field. So, quick question. Love the mission. Love how you guys are shifting the entire conversation out there. Can I zoom in?

 

00:33:03

Do I have to be in Denver to go to a meeting? You can zoom in from anywhere in the world. See, now you don't have any you. Can also you can also call in. We've got a telephone number as well.

 

00:33:14

Right. But the point being is that it's not specific to that particular geographical area. You're up to changing the whole game. And can I add to that is that you asked Aaron before what are the challenges that we face? One of the challenges is that not everybody's having the same conversation, right?

 

00:33:31

This restaurant over here is talking about staff completing suicide. This hotel over here is just barely talking about people being overworked. And this food newspaper over here is just towing in. So this is one of the challenges where people are in the conversation. But chow is resilient and we're getting clever.

 

00:33:52

So we're figuring out how do we get this information out to people? So let's say that coming in person was a challenge. Well, now we've got zoom. Let's say zoom is a challenge. Well, now we've got the phone.

 

00:34:04

Let's say you're not ready to show anybody your face. Show up with your microphone off and with your camera off and just listen. We have a person who's attended our meetings for months and has not said a word and just listens. If you're not ready for that, just read our wellness blog. If you're not ready for that, why don't you read our inspirational ways to engage in acts of self service on Instagram?

 

00:34:26

You're not ready for that. Why don't you watch a 32nd TikTok? You're not ready for that. Why don't you post anonymously on our Facebook group? So we found ways to be so resilient to meet people where they're at.

 

00:34:37

So that it's not so much that we're saying there's no excuse for you to not try. We're saying wherever you are on this journey, we'll meet you where we're at. However you can take those small tidbits, we've got a way to get them to you because you deserve support as well, even though you might not be ready to show up to a meeting. I was trying to think of how we were going to tie this all up, but I don't think there's anything better than that. But I do want to say, Chef, if you're listening right now and you're feeling triggered because we've talked a lot about stuff and you're probably a little anxious, feeling probably a little shame, guilt and remorse, okay, that's fine.

 

00:35:13

Now do something about it, because your guilt and your shame will keep you hidden and away and separate from other people, which is where all the action is. So Chowco.org, C-H-O-W-C-O-O-R-G on the website, there's actually going to be a link to the workplace wellness toolkit PDF as well in the show, notes for the show. And when am I going to be on next month? November. When?

 

00:35:39

November 14. November 14. Zoom in. Call. Don't show your face.

 

00:35:45

It's fine. I'll know you there. Anyway, ladies, any last words? This has been incredibly illuminating and I feel really invigorated because prior to getting on the call, I was feeling a little beat down. Everything's going good, but it's just like in talking to you, I feel well, first off, reconnected to you both and energized by our conversation.

 

00:36:08

And I feel like, yeah, we can do this, we can do it. I think in general, we all have to admit that it's a really hard time to be a human right now. There have been a lot of challenges.

 

00:36:21

They just it seems like the hits just keep on coming, especially for our industry. It's really hard to be a human right now. And it's okay to get help. Absolutely. And can I add, Adam, if you don't mind?

 

00:36:38

We're coming in on what we recognize as a very activating time for most mainstream parts of our community. November, December, January. We mimic the bipolar up and down train of booking events back to back and then slow period. So we're doing an awesome holiday series. There are Sundays at 05:00 P.m., Mountain Central Time, and they are going to be specifically giving you tools so that you can not just survive the holidays, the holiday season coming up, but thrive through them with community.

 

00:37:12

So if anyone needs extra support during this time, sundays at 05:00 P.m., we are absolutely there with skills and resources to bolster you through this really historically challenging time of the year for hospitality industry professionals, workers. I commend you on the work that you're doing, the fact that you've gotten involved, that you've been doing your own healing journey as well. And I feel very honored to be connected to your organization. Thank you, Aaron. Thank you, Jasmin.

 

00:37:40

Love it. Thanks, Adam. It's been a pleasure. Bye. Bye.

 

00:37:42

Thank you. Thank you. Bye.

 

00:37:47

That's it for this episode of Chef Life Radio. If you're ready to take your career to the next level, then sign up for a free discovery. Call and find out what's possible for you at Forward slash Services. And the link is in the show notes. Here at Chef Life Radio, we believe that working in a kitchen should be demanding.

 

00:38:06

It just shouldn't have to be demeaning. It should be hard, just doesn't have to be harsh. We believe that it's possible to have more solidarity and less suck it up, sunshine. More compassion, less cutthroat island. We believe in more partnership and less put up or shut up.

 

00:38:22

More family and less fuck you. Stand tall and frosty, brothers and sisters. But consider for a moment for all the blood, sweat, and effort you put into what you do. At the end of the day, it's just some stuff on a plate. None of it really matters, doesn't define you as a person or make you any more special or less than anyone else.

 

00:38:41

It's just a dance that we're engaged in, so we might as well laugh and enjoy every bit of it. Or didn't you know that the purpose of your life should be to enjoy. It, like it, love it. I am humble. Goddamn glory.

 

00:38:55

Fox don't live on now. Reach out to the show at chefliferadio, twitter at chefliferadio, instagram at chefliferadio. Visit the website@chefliferadio.com, subscribe to the podcast at any of the major podcast directories. Please take a moment and give us a thumbs up and write a review. It really does help spread the news.

 

00:39:18

Thanks for listening until the next episode. Be well and do good. This episode was produced by me, Adam Lamb. It was recorded in the basement bunker studio in Bardo, North Carolina. Co produced by Thomas Steffenson of Podlike.com.

 

00:39:33

Realignment Media is a production of realignment media.