Tough Love Conversations

Receiving positive feedback is like being in the middle of a dopamine surge, the world looks a brighter place to be in, the traffic doesn't seem to bother, the pollution seems oblivious and the smiles burst into ripples across miles. And then the alarm bell goes off! You are headed to the official hell room, also known as the huddle room - where your boss awaits you with feedback.

Soon the dopamine surge is replaced with a cortisol influx and your pulse is racing and beads of sweat bulge at the base of your nose. You dab them repeatedly only to find them reappear. The air-conditioning seems a bit colder than normal and the silence more deafening. After a quick glance you realize your boss is about to give you the Tough Love conversation.

You catch the vibe immediately. The boss goes on a cold rampage pointing out all the mistakes you've made or goals missed and before they finish the rant, you know what's coming your way. Those three little words - You are fired.

Clearly before that moment you mumble, your defense mechanism kicks in, you argue and deny the accusations, cite all the possible reasons why you were not to be blamed, or at fault, or certainly not alone in this. That wave of plea , argument, counter point crashes into the rock of Gibraltar.

You exit the room with a queasy feeling in your stomach and head spinning with thoughts of the past, present and future. What do you do now?

On the other side of the table, you are the leader who has to deliver this tough love conversation - you are somewhat irritated, some part worried but for most part want to get it over and done with.You expect hostile defense , arguments and even an outburst of emotions. You are armed with feedback and process support from peers, other stakeholders, HRBP and last but not the least your own assessment.

You've done this before and yet, this is always a tricky conversation.

The separation experience need not be a bitter one, it can be done amicably and both parties should maintain dignity of the person and the situation , yet on most occasions it ends up being a fairly unwelcome experience. Join me in this episode of BasTalk where I share ways to receive negative feedback and deliver tough love conversations if you are a leader.

#feedback #leadership #resignations #terminations #critique

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