Episode 6.1 THROWBACK BONUS: Cajun Roots, Midlife Routes: Stories of Change and Growth

[00:00:00] 

Welcome to Top Down Heart

Welcome to Top Down Heart. Open a podcast for women in the magic middle, navigating what is next with the wind in their hair and their hearts wide open. Here we talk about starting over. Rediscovering ourselves, new adventures and living life on our own terms. It's about finding your voice and living fully, even when it's uncomfortable.

No filters, no perfection, just honest conversations. I'm your host, Kimberly Maturin, and I'm on a journey to rediscover life, love, freedom, and joy. I'm not a celebrity, nor am I an expert. I'm a woman navigating this magic middle. One step at a time, one open road at a time.

If you are ready for real talk, fresh starts and learning how to dream again, you're in the right place because life isn't over. It's just changing, and so are we. I'm so glad you're here. Buckle up. The next chapter's waiting. 

Meet the First Guest

Special Guest: My Husband Benjamin

Hey, y'all. Welcome back to [00:01:00] Top Down Heart Open. This is a special one,, and I've got my very first guest sitting right here with me at our kitchen table where all good Cajun conversations happen. This guest is someone who's seen every version of me. The good, the messy, the hilarious, and somehow, he still chooses me every day.

My husband. Yes, he finally agreed to sit down, sip a little wine, maybe eat a little and talk, real talk. We're pulling back the curtain on what it's really been like behind the scenes. When I first told my family I was starting a podcast, the ups, the downs of navigating this next stage of life, marriage, midlife mistakes and everything in between.

Look, it wasn't always easy, but it's always been worth it. He's funny, [00:02:00] he's real and he's going to keep me honest. So, let's just jump right in. Say hi to everyone. Babe. Hello everyone.

 Welcome to the kitchen table, y'all. 

The funniest thing I have got to say right now out of all of this is who's got the mic? Y'all. He's mic’d up eating Toti chips, talking a little about life, sharing some laughs, and a little Cajun wisdom.

Navigating Marriage and Midlife

Benjamin’s Backstory

Before, we dive into laughter and the real talk, I want to take a second and talk about him. The man who's sitting right across from me today

Meet Benjamin Maturin. We've been married for 23 years. We've built a life and raised three amazing kids together. And while we've grown a lot as a couple, it hasn't always been easy. My husband is a structural [00:03:00] superintendent. He's literally built bridges and roadways all over Louisiana and not just the metaphorical ones.

He worked so hard for our family and for a long time that meant he wasn't always home. In the early years, he worked out of town a lot, and I'd be lying if I said it didn't put a strain on our marriage. It was hard. I was home raising babies, and he was on job sites, but eventually we started to have real conversations.

And I began to understand some things I just didn't see at the time.

It wasn't just about being apart, it was about learning each other's perspectives. And honestly, that changed everything for us. And look, he may have built bridges in real life. The one he built in this marriage, that one's still standing strong today. 

23 years married, three [00:04:00] kids, countless roads and bridges built. That's why I'm so grateful he's here today, not just as my first guest, but as the man who's walked beside me through all of it. So, let's take it back.

Podcast Pitch Reaction

Ben, do you remember what you thought when I said, Hey, I think I want to start a podcast, because honestly you engage y'all faces. Look like I had said I was joining a circus.

 You're right at the beginning, I didn't know what you knew about podcasting, So when you told me you want to start a podcast, the first part of my mind, I am not going to lie, I was like, she's crazy. a little confused. What do you even know about podcasts? Honestly, I thought podcasting was about old men talking politics and about celebrities boring stuff.

I think we all thought I was crazy, but I do know deep down inside. If anybody can do it, [00:05:00] it's my wife Kimberly. You have always been like that. And that's what I love about you. You are going to put everything you have into it and that's all you can ask from somebody. After seeing all your hard work and determination, you proved me wrong, and I'm very proud of you. Oh, thanks babe. And I know you are going to kick it out of the park. 

Honestly, I knew nothing about podcasting, at the time I thought I knew everything, that we would just record something in my mind. I didn't think it would be that hard. but I knew I had something to say. I didn't know if anybody would be open to hearing it, but I knew if I was having certain feelings, there had to be other women out there feeling the same way. It's hard to hear some of the things from celebrities. I know we go through the same things as women, but sometimes it's hard.

To imagine yourself in that situation when they don't [00:06:00] live the same lives that we live. They live extraordinary lives, and I'm not saying that my life's not extraordinary, I'm just saying that our circumstances are different. And sometimes it's easier for women to relate to other women who are like them.

I showed him how real conversations, real life, and real people just like us could be.

Finding Her Voice

You've seen me go through a lot, especially in this phase of life, new emotions, life changes, and starting this podcast. What's it been like watching me step into this version of myself?

What do you see in me that's different?

You lighter. I see you smiling more like you never smile in a while, you laughing more and you don't let stuff bother you that used to bother you. And it makes me happy and smile more. cause I know you like doing [00:07:00] it. I will say that it has helped me to stop pretending that I have to be so composed all the time

I’ve always felt like I needed that permission to speak freely. I'm the oldest child, my parents were divorced, so always felt this pressure almost to have it just composed and together for everybody. And now I just have permission to speak freely. And I've finally given that to myself in this podcast. I think a lot of other women ought to hear this. I don't think they should be in a position you've been in, or you felt like it's been hard for me to be vulnerable and honest, and especially in public. I've always tried to keep it together to be strong, but now I feel so much freer, not so weighed down by trying to be perfect or quiet or what I thought the world [00:08:00] or other people expected of me. It's not even what they expected. It's the expectation I really put on myself. you've been like so in it and so driven. 

Yes. And I love seeing you come alive like this. It's not about being famous or perfect. cause in my world, and my eyes, you are perfect. I really appreciate you saying that. And I know it comes from a good place. It means so much when it comes from you.

You, you've been so encouraging to me in ways I didn't even expect even with this podcast. I thought you were going to laugh when I told you. You've seen all the sides of me in this life, and now you're watching me grow into a new one. 

Advice for Men

what would be the best advice that you could give another man whose wife is changing and growing? What would you say to them?

I want to be there for you. Look fellas, be patient [00:09:00] with your wives. I know it can be hard at times. Trust me. You know what I mean? I know, honey. I love your honey. Love you. I've been married for 23 years. It been a roller coaster at times. It has been smooth sail at times. But there's nothing else I would rather do than wake up and see my wife every morning.

Aw, honey. I know. It's the, I would say these last few years have really been fun, so guys have patience with your wives, girlfriends, partners, significant others, whatever you want to call it. This stage of life is crazy, thank you. I appreciate you letting other men know we do need that patience.

Because we do not understand what's going on with ourselves. So, when we don't have that patience to try to figure it out, it makes it harder. I think women is so underrated. I really do. Thank you. [00:10:00] Not that we need all the, and I'm not saying this cause you got me on your podcast. No, I'm saying this 'cause I love you. I love you too, honey. I really do. It's not always easy when things are changing like this too. The moods, the energy confidence, but what's the thing that's helped you support me?

I just want to support you 'cause you supported me throughout my career I don't think like a lot of people realize. I'm not going to say a lot of people, 'cause a lot of people don't know you, but I think a lot of people in our family don't realize what you've been going through.

I've been there. I see it with my own eyes. It is hard in this stage of life, and I appreciate the fact that you acknowledge that. We're figuring out what's going on too. So, I appreciate that support, 

Empty Nest Shift

I know men don't always get asked how they [00:11:00] feel, when our son went to college, that hit me like a ton of bricks. But I know that it hit you too, didn't it? It hit me hard. Can you talk a little bit about what that shift was like for you?

The shift about Gage going to college was really hard for me. I have two other kids, but Gage, it was different. It was hard.

It was hard knowing he was going off to school and away from us, two and a half hours away.

Was it just the fear of him going away or the fear of now what? Both him going away and the fear of now what? Now what? With him, with his next chapter in his life. So, you were worried. [00:12:00] Very worried, but you acted so calmly. That's what men do.

We don't show our emotions. I have no problem showing mine. You know that. I know you don't. And when it comes to the kids, I wear that on my sleeve. You do. I was so worried. I was beside myself. It just hit me so hard. The house got so quiet a quiet, I didn't know.

And when that quiet happened, I didn't know how to handle it. But you just seemed like you were doing okay. Like living it up. It doesn’t mean I was doing okay with it. The house did get quiet. I think when it did get quiet like that though, that it forced us. To get closer, to have more conversations to basically, I would say it forced [00:13:00] us to talk again, not just about the kids or bills or anything like that, like about us, and I think that's when this podcast idea honestly was really born in that quiet for me because in that quiet, that's when I would go on my notes app on my phone and just.

Say the things that I was too scared to say out loud to you, because I didn't know if you were really in a weird place when the last, the baby, like we say, left the house. And I didn't know where those emotions were going as far as I was just so worried about that. What do I do with the quiet? What's my next step?

And then just looking at you and saying, okay, we're here now. I think what I didn't see right away was you, and you're right. I don't think I seen you right away when he left, but I think his leaving [00:14:00] was a, I wouldn't say a blessing. I think it changed our connection.

It changed our connection. I think it made space for us in a way we probably hadn't had in a long time because we were so work kids and we just had to talk. And we talked. We did. And I think it changed things for us in a good way. 

esentment to Real Talk

I know a lot of times, like people see us and they think we've always had this little rhythm we have, but they don't know the early years.

You know when you were going a lot working on the road, that was hard and sometimes I held resentment and instead of spending that time with you when you came home, I just harbored that resentment instead of enjoying the time that we did have, or understanding how the time when you are [00:15:00] away working affected you for all the things you did miss for the kids.

I think perspective had to shift a bunch.

I don't want anybody listening to this podcast thinking that our kids had to move out for us to have a relationship. Because that's not the issue. I think it just brought us back to each other.

It did. We didn't have to worry about what we are doing with him, what's the next step with him. So, when he was gone, we started looking at each other. I wouldn't say anything different. I think it just brought us. That is much closer. It forced us to talk in ways that we hadn't before.

 I was, holding it down. You were out, getting to that position where you are in your career, and it took a lot of effort and a lot of work. You've worked hard to get where you are. So, I understand that also, and I just know that when all of that's going on.

[00:16:00] Couples, people, not just us, we don't talk. Back then it felt like we were so far away, but when we're younger, we're not as patient. There's so much pressure. I just, my hope right now talking on this podcast is that the younger versions of us who are raising children, who are going through that.

Before we get to this part, which is another stage that you go through when your kids move on and get into their next chapters. I'm not gonna sit here and say what most people say, you gotta make time for yourselves. Make sure you do a date night. Because if we're both serious, I think most of us, it's hard

to do that and then it's some kind of pressure on it.

 Oh, there's this date night. It puts a certain pressure that if it doesn't get to that expectation you had of the date night. It was ruined, but I like date nights now I think we have best date nights. Fun Date [00:17:00] nights are fun. We have great date nights now, and I love it.

But we didn't have that sense of, we weren't as, I don't wanna say free back then, but we, I think it was the resentment, you resented me for being frustrated with you when you just got home. But you just walked in and I'm frustrated already because I've done went through the week and it's been hard, and you resent me for being able to do everything with the kids that you had to miss in order to provide for the family.

So, there was this area that you nor I ever really looked at. When I looked at that and said, he does this, he does that. He does not do this or does not do that. A wise man once told me, did you ever think about what he feels when he has to miss those things for the kids, rather than you just having to do it all the time? [00:18:00] 

Because sometimes the hardest things are missing, the things for your kids. I'm frustrated with being tired, but you are missing moments. You don't get those back. And I had to really dig deep because I was selfish. I think we both were in different ways. I guess what the point of all this is, guys, we have got to talk to each other and not with a text message.

You know it. If you want to get to a place where these kids are little. Still talk. Don't put the pressure on date nights. Do it if you can. If you have time, if you can afford a sitter all the time, do those things. More power. But if you're like most people when you're just in the gray area, do what you can to survive.

We are raising our children, we are doing our best, and society puts a lot of pressure on us. But Ben, I'm really glad to know that. When Gage left, you were really hurting because you looked like you had it all together. And it's I didn't feel [00:19:00] at times like I could say I'm falling apart here.

 I didn't know what to do when I didn't have him with my mother. And it's not mother, it was not having to plan, having to do all those things. No, I'm the weak woman that's coming down to the kids. You know that you, the strong one. But I did. I missed a lot with the kids growing up.

But you also gave up a lot for me to do what I do, and I appreciate that. I think that we both made sacrifices for our family. We did. So, it's not what I gave up or what we did. We did this together. We did. And we're going to keep doing it together. We made honey. And now we get to laugh and eat and dance around the kitchen to classic country Saturday night. Our Cajun roots. Keep things spicy. Ben, I really want to thank [00:20:00] you for sharing what you observed in me since I started this podcast.

Cajun Culture and Cooking

All right. I know we're gonna lighten it up guys. 

Cajun Roots and Gravy

So, honey, let's talk about growing up Cajun. We went from cooking gumbo to the ruga roo. The ruga roo. For you guys who don't know, the roo is basically the Cajun barefoot man.

Growing up, Cajun is a feeling. The culture, the hospitality, there's nothing like it. The Acadian area will always be my home. That upbringing, the cooking, the storytelling, it's always around a kitchen table. That's why sharing this episode with you. As my guest at this table, that's where the best conversations happen.

The biggest stories come out, and as you get older, you see [00:21:00] how those stories in families change and they get bigger and bigger, but they're always fun

 While I have you on this podcast, I want you to admit something. When I met you, you used Brown Gravy Mix. Admit it. Sorry guys, this is a personal one for me. When I met Ben, he's the best cook. 

No, no. You're wrong. It wasn't Brown Gravy mix? It was kitchen bouquet. 

Oh, I stand corrected. But thank you for admitting it. I had never seen my mom in my life. And this guy says kitchen bucket.  I'm sorry I had to use this part. It was good though, right? 

It, it was all right. 

No, it was good. 

I was scared. 

It was good. 

It was good. It wasn't great. Good. It wasn't, my mom was good, but it was good 

after you ate it the first two times.

You said you got kitchen bouquet in it? 

No, I've [00:22:00] never said kitchen bouquet again. Okay. I forgot it. Thank you for, I'm just so glad you admitted it. Finally. Sorry guys. I had to put that one out there because we were just out Winn Dixie yesterday and he denied it again. He thinks he'd been making gravy. My mom passed the spoon to him.

He smothers cabbage, great cook. I have a few staples, but he takes it home. He can smother chicken, sorry for all of you who don't understand what this is. If you want the recipe for smothered chicken, send me a shout out on the new website and we'll get you a smothered chicken recipe.

And I don't use kitchen bouquet no more.

Let's hear that again. I don't use kitchen bouquet no more y'all. 23 years it took for me to just get that out my husband. Okay. I'm sorry honey. And 23 years we are still laughing. Kitchen bouquet. I'm going to get you a shirt with that on it too. Alright honey. 

He’s Coming Back

So now that you've been on the [00:23:00] podcast, would you ever come back? 

I would love to come back. 

I think our listeners would enjoy a segment, a man's perspective. In a woman's world. 

I think I could bring a lot to the table.

Now that you did this podcast, saw the recording, understanding what we're trying to do here. Do you still think it's for old men?

No, but I'm still a rookie. 

I'm still a rookie, but I'm coming back.

 I'll invite you. Thank you. It's been fun. I've enjoyed having you. I think you've realized that this is not as easy as you might think it looks.

It's not.

You got your nerves and then you got all kinds of stuff going through your mind. So, it is a lot going on, so 

those old men that you thought won on them podcast, they got it going on, right?

They got it going on. Thumbs up. 

But I'm glad you understand that podcasts are for everybody. [00:24:00] They're not just for old men; they're not about politics. They're not all about celebrity interviews. We can do this podcast for people who really like us. You know why we can do this podcast? Because we have people who resonate with us, who feel the things we feel, and we can fill 'em together.

And as long as we keep coming here showing up for each other, what can we do better than that? 

Nothing. 

Let me know if he should come back. Should we bring in more husband’s partners to share their take? Because this is how we start these real conversations.

Cooking Show Twist

So y'all, I told him I wanted us to make one of our favorite Cajun dishes for the podcast. Take pictures, maybe share the recipe with the listeners. And this man looked at me and said,

Wait. So, this podcast is a talking show, a therapy session, and a cooking show. 

Why not? We're a multi-talented family here. Oh, wow. Yep. Welcome to top down, wide open [00:25:00] universe where we talk, we laugh, we cry, and we sometimes cook. I see why you so stressed out.

Closing and Next Steps

Now y'all, thank you so much for joining us around our kitchen table today. This episode was extra special because I got to share it with my husband, my first ever guest, and the man who's seen all the stages of this journey. 

Yeah. And it wasn't as boring as I thought. 

See guys, I'm slowly turning him into a podcast pro thanks for coming on. You're funny, supportive, and always have my back even when you don't fully get what I'm doing. You still show up. This right here, y'all is proof that connection and humor can still live in this middle. If you've loved this, share it with your partner. Let us know if we should make this a regular segment.

To celebrate this moment, our first episode together, we want to share a little piece of our Cajun home with you. So, we're dropping one of our favorite Cajun family recipes just for you. It's simple, good, and just like this podcast [00:26:00] made with love, you'll find it linked in the show notes on our socials and in our newsletter.

Thanks for listening, and if you enjoyed this episode and want to be part of this conversation, follow me on Instagram at Top Down Heart Open subscribe, leave a review, and share it with somebody who needs a little joy, laughter, or a spicy Cajun recipe in their life. You can find us on Spotify, apple Podcast, YouTube, or wherever you tune in.

 So, wherever you are today, take that deep breath. Remember, it's never too late to rediscover yourself, to dream new dreams and to live the life you are meant for. Take a deep breath, roll those windows down and keep your heart wide open. You are exactly where you're meant to be. This is our road. Now, we don't have to drive it alone.

Thank you so much for listening today. Until next time. [00:27:00]