Unshackled: My Sister’s Story

0:02 Looking at our world from a theological perspective. This is the Theology Central podcast making Theology Central. Good morning everyone. It is Tuesday, September third, twenty twenty four. It is currently ten oh four am Central Time, and I am coming to you live from the Theology Central studio located right here. In Abilene, Texas. Now, when you meet someone, when you have that first meeting with someone, your first time meeting someone, you start talking, you start making sometimes lots of judgments about them, relatively quick.

0:44 Right. You may notice the their accent, you may notice what they're wearing. You may notice how they look, You may notice how they talk, how they laugh, and sometimes you may make some quick assessments. And sometimes those quick assessments. Sometimes those quick judgments are well. Not only are they just very shallow and surface, but many cases they're they're not really correct. You You may think you can say this about a person, but sometimes you don't really know, and you you may may come to some conclusion about them. You may come to some conclusion that they that you think this about them, or you think this about them, but in many cases you don't really know much because you just met them. You cannot judge a person. I guess I'll use this phrase. You can't judge a person by the cover. People say you can't judge a book by the by its cover. You can't judge a person by its cover. You get to know you just start getting to know them that first interaction, that first meeting.

1:47 You can't you can't judge them. You don't because you don't know them. Here's what we have to know about every person we meet. That what we see is there's there's really what we see doesn't tell the story because behind what we see and every person we meet, there is a bigger story. There is a deeper story, and what we simply see externally doesn't tell that story. Right you meet them, they may talk about this, they may talk about that, and you may draw some kind of conclusion, but you don't really know what you're talking about because that person is much more complex than the things we judge and the things we critique and the things we like and dislike. There is an entire story behind that face, behind that voice, behind that personality. There's a story that has made them into what they are, and there's lots of parts of that story. Now, if you've listened to this podcast again, many times people jump to conclusions about me and they think they'll say this or say that, or well, you think this or you think and it's like, you don't really, I don't know if you're in the position to draw those kinds of conclusions because you don't really know me. You've heard my voice, you've heard me express this or that, but trust me, there's much more to the person behind this microphone. There is a story, and I've shared some of my story, and my story

3:18 I typically kind of break into certain parts. Right. There is the story of my life before my mother died, right, and I've told about how horrible much of it was. Things get so bad that I then I'm living with a different family because of how the situation was unraveling and just getting worse and worse and worse. And while I was living with another family, my mother died. So we have the part of my story is before my mother died, then my mother died. Then I don't really I don't always go into much detail of the immediate aftermath or everything that happened after my mother died. I guess the main part I use tell after my mother died was then my attempted suicide and my eight weeks in a psychiatric ward. I do. I do sometimes tell that part of the story, so my you know, before my mother died, my mother died, my suicide attempt, and this my in a psychiatric hospital for those eight weeks, all right, So I do, I do tell that part, But there's a lot there that I don't really go into detail, and I don't really explain. Then my story really picks up. I joined the military, I leave Texas, I leave Abelene, and in a sense, I leave everything in the rear view mirror. I drive away, you know, I drive out, leave Abilene on a Greyhound bus, all right, And I don't ever look back. I don't, I mean,

4:50 like to me, I don't ever want to look back. I don't want to come back. I'm done in a sense, I've kind of washed my hands of it all. I'm I'm done with everything about it, and I'm pursuing my life now. Of course, we know how life worked out about ten years later in the United States Military put me right back here in Apilene, Texas. It brought me back to where it all started. In a sense. So that's kind of my story. Before my mother died. The immediate I guess the immediate outcome of my mother's death, which is my suicide attempt in the psychiatric hospital, and then my life in the military. That's there. But in the midst of my story, there was another story.

5:34 There was another story unfolding, and that was the story well of my sister. My sister was much younger than me, much younger than me when my mother died. I believe my. Sister was around six years of age, seven years of age. And don't get me, don't get upset at me for not knowing the age or dates and some of that, because again I don't have a I'm not super close with anyone in my family. So but she when my mother died, she was six or seven. She was young. I was a teenager, I was in high school, and she was around six or seven. My sister's name is Hope, right, lots of reasons. There was The Days of Our Lives soap opera. There was a character by the name of Hope.

6:21 My understanding is my mom named Hope after that. I cannot confirm that because obviously my mother is dead, but her name was Hope, and of course she was little when my mother died. Now, for me, after my mother died. Obviously, I wasn't living at home number one, so I wasn't really present there to how everything was going down for Hope, right, and then I had my own life was unraveling and tried to kill myself psychiatric hospital. Obviously I wasn't thinking about my sister Hope. I wasn't giving I wasn't paying any attention to that nothing. I kind of kind of moved on with my life. Now, after I get out of the psychiatric hospital, I do come back home. So then it's me, my brother who's about two years younger than me, my sister, like I said, she's like six seven at this time, and then my father. Now for me, in my mind, I was thinking this is tragic as this has been my mother dying at the age of like thirty nine.

7:27 My mother's dead. I tried to kill myself, okay, but I'm back at home, right, and other things in my life was unraveling. But I had this little maybe I. Was naive, but there was like okay here, because I'll never forget. We were standing in the kitchen and there was like this, there's like these countertops kind of like a where you could sit and eat at this kind of right there next to the kitchen, and we were kind of just standing there, sitting there, and it was my dad, it was my brother, it was my sister, and it was me. We were eating pizza. And in my mind as we were, as I was standing there, sitting there, I was like, as tragic as this has been, the this is gonna be. This is our chance. This is a chance for restoration. This is a chance for healing.

8:17 This is a chance for reconciliation. This could be good. This could be we could actually be something like a family, even though we may never address the demons of the past, even though there may never be an apology. This this could be it right. That was my way of thinking. But everything went opposite to that, because less than one year, less than one year from my mother's. Death, my brother, my sister, and me were. Sitting in the exact same church, and the exact same church that my mother's casket was, I mean, where my mother's casket was was sitting right right where she was her body was in the exact same church, in the exact same spot now stood my father and another woman getting married. Less than one year, less than a year from burying my mother, And again the casket was standing in that very sitting in that very location. And now there's my dad and this other woman getting married. Now, at that point, things are obviously not I wasn't even sitting with the family. I wasn't sitting with my brother.

9:35 I wasn't sitting with my sister. I was it was me myself by myself alone, and I'm sitting there looking at this like, what has happened? What has happened? Not only is my dad getting married, he's married a woman who had what four kids to see? Yeah, four kids. So next thing you know, the door opens, four kids come walking into the house, right, and well, I I lose my room, my brother loses his room, my sister loses her room. Like we're just we're like, we're all, well, my sister has to share a room. Me and my brother are now put in the back of the house.

10:16 They did kind of an addition back there, and it's like everything changed, everything changed. And now again my sister, she's like seven years old at this time, and I'm just gonna be honest with you, I wasn't even thinking about her. I was thinking, what has happened? What is going on? Any hope of restoration, any hope of reconciliation. It's over. This whole thing has just fallen apart. And the woman who came in, she did not like me. She wanted me gone. All right, it was it was not a good situation. It was. It was not good. And but so for me because I was older, I was a teenager, I had graduated from high school. I was I was.

10:58 I stayed away. I just d away from the house. I stayed away. So I did everything I could. I was trying to get into the military, and the next thing you know, I joined the military and I'm gone. I'm gone, and they're left in this now new bizarre situation was my brother and my sister. I was moving on with my life. Now I can look back with regret that I did not look out for my sister or think about her my life. I was still trying to figure out my life. But there was my sister and now in this new family dynamic, whatever you want to call it, right, and she's in the midst of it. I already knew there were problems, right because even before I leave, I tried to tell my dad and his new wife, hey, there's some drugs going on, there's something not right here, and I was basically I was ignored. I was ignored. Well, then I leave, and what unfolds there is utterly just it's it's complete and utter chaos. I could tell you all the stories, you would not believe, all the things that went down after I, but I was gone.

12:14 I left. Now, after some time, my sister comes to where I am in Nebraska and stays with us for a little while. We definitely present Christianity to her. There's like some hope that maybe you know, nope, pun intended. Her name is Hope, but there was hope for hope that now she had we thought possibly put our faith in Christ. She was going to try to live out her Christian life. We thought things were possibly moving in the right direction. We really thought everything was going well. And then she came back home and then everything just completely un ravels. Everything. So I was a part of the story, but not really.

12:56 I only only was there for a little bit of it. And then every thing that happens is just in it's tragic, it is insane, it is crazy. Everything that happened after just everything fall apart for my sister's life just utterly unraveled. It came completely apart. Now why am I mentioning a little bit of my story with my sister's story, Well, primarily because I want you to go listen to my sister's story. Because my sister's story has now been turned into a two part radio drama from the very famous program Unshackled. They have turned My Sister's story into a two part radio drama. Unshackled's been on the air on Christian radio stations forever. One of the long I think it is the longest running radio drama out there, and it tells the story of people's conversion. It tells and most of the stories are pretty dramatic, and well, my sister's story definitely fits right into all of that because her story was tragic, her story was crazy, and her conversion is somewhat dramatic. Now I kind of show up in the story just briefly. So let's so, this is what I'm going to do.

14:20 I'm gonna let you hear a little bit of this. But what I'm going to do is in the notes to this program, I'm gonna put the link to part one and Part two of my sister story, and then for those who use the church one app. I'll send out a notification with a link. I'll send out probably two notifications, one to Part one of My Sister's story and another one to Part two of My sister story. And then on the sermon audio dot Com website Sermon audio dot com the new website Sermon audio dot Com if you look for Theology Central and then find the article section. I will also try to include links to my sister story there. If you're interested in hearing her story.

15:04 Maybe you are, maybe you're not, but I do play a part of it. So let me let me at least explain a couple of things obviously unshackled breaking my Sister's story into two parts. Typically the stories are just one. Right, there's usually not just they're not usually two parts. Usually it's just one, and it's less than thirty minutes long. With their introduction, they're kind of in the middle. They have like a little information about their mission there in Chicago, and then the conclusion at the end. It's less than thirty minutes. So when you try to take someone's life story and compact it into less than thirty minutes or in this case, and two parts, you got to leave a lot of things out, and what's required in a lot of the storytelling is a lot of times they'll take multiple maybe events and kind of compact them into one thing. So it's not always a completely one hundred percent accurate telling of the story, right, and so, and my sister's case, a couple of things. One, well, there are there. The other woman obviously is still alive. My father is dead, but he doesn't show up in the story. I don't think ever, I don't think he does. Maybe he does, maybe in part two, I don't know, but he no, I don't know. I don't think no part two. He's already passed away by the time Part two takes place.

16:24 So yeah, So, so it's just the the other woman does show up in it, and so my sister kind of I don't know what she said to them and how they wrote it. But they kind of they view the other woman in. A much more positive light than obviously I would, Okay, And that's an understatement. That's an understatement. And my sister doesn't put a she doesn't assign any blame to kind of what the environment she found herself. But if I was to tell you the stories, I mean basically when my dad got remarried the kids, it was almost like the Lord of the Flies is. It's like it just turned into sodom and Gomorrah. It was just insanity. And my sister was, you know, eight, nine, ten, eleven in the midst of all of that. It was insanity. It was just total insanity. So yeah, I could tell you the stories and how everything went, put it this way, and nothing went. Nothing was going on very I mean, well, we could talk about some really messed up things that happened.

17:25 So but I think my sister didn't want want to put blame on that. I would definitely tell the story different, so her childhood part there. They move quickly through it, but it's done in a much more positive way than I would. I do show up in the story, and my part is not. I don't know. I don't know where this event supposedly occurred, and maybe a mixture of events, but it did not go down this way. I may we may review at least up to that point where I show up in the story, but I definitely I want you to hear the entirety of the story. It's a story of drugs, it's a story of sexual abuse, it's a story of addiction.

18:08 It's a story of just a life spiraling literally out of control, of possible desire for suicide. It's it's it's just it's it's so tragic. But at least the good news now, as my sister is clean, that's the good news. Now she has put her faith in Jesus Christ, that's good news. And her life is now very different than what the story tells. But I want you to hear a little bit of this again. If you go to unshackled. I think it's unshackled dot org. Unshackled dot org. If you go to that and then look for their audio dramas and you scroll down, you'll see Hope Part one, Part two. That's her story, Hope Part one, Part two, And this is how it begins. This is an a This is an episode of Unshackled. The program kind of forces you to face yourself and think, is kind of their tagline. And uh, well, I want you to well listen and you can kind of hear. But what I want you to take from this, not only is if you go listen, I want you to.

19:19 Just remember every person. You meet, you make all those quick rash judgments and you come and form all these opinions about them. And some people think they know someone within a couple of minutes and they're well, I don't like when people do that to me. Well you think this, stop stop, stop, stop, you don't know my story. Stop. I get really irritated by that, right, all of us, When you see someone, there's a story behind that person. You may not like their action, you may not like the way they do this, but there's a story and that story then makes up who we are. So when you hear my sister story, just remember everyone in your life there's a story. That stranger you meet, there's a story, and that story really is important. So this is all about the story of one person's life, my sisters. I play a part in it. It's just interesting that I kind of show up in part one. I wasn't expecting me to show up in it, because again there's a lot of I wasn't really there.

20:23 I mean I was. Yeah. Our age difference really definitely put us in a different Uh. We were in different stages of life and a lot was going on for both of us. All right, but here we go. This is how it begins. How do you do due to the subject matter in this episode, parental guidance is suggested. Have you ever put a puzzle together only to get to the end and realize you're missing a few crucial pieces? Incredibly frustrating. The woman in our story thought of her life as a giant puzzle with missing pieces, and the missing represented the bad choices she had made. She thought she'd lost so much of herself that she'd never be whole again until Providence filled in the missing pieces, and that's when her heart and mind and very life were unshackled.

21:33 Now, right before this starts, when my sister sent this to me yesterday and I hit play that first part, I'm like, Okay, that's really kind of profound puzzle, missing pieces Providence, Okay. I was like, okay, great. I wasn't giving it much thought, and then the opening scene happens, and immediately I was overwhelmed with emotion, like massively overwhelmed, because the scene opens with now the other woman is present, my sister's talking to her, and so like, at this moment, I was like, I'm a part of the story, Like even though I'm not mentioned here, I'm very much a part of the story.

22:18 And it just brought it all back. It just brought like it. Was like someone just walking up punching me in the face of because my feelings of what was going on in that time were obviously very different than my sister's. But it forced me back into the story. And one of the ways I feel like I was able to navigate my life was there was like a like I'm done, Like that story is the past. I'm moving I'm not going back. Like I'm done. I'm letting it go. I don't want to relive it. I don't want to talk about it. I want to move on. And for the most part, I moved on and try to form out my own life. Now, the demons of my past were still haunting me. I know, no quote, I mean, you can't everything that we went through, You don't just you can't just leave all the Hey, I'm gonna leave all of my demons and all of my baggage at the Texas border and I'm leaving Texas. I carried plenty of it with me, and it struck and it has, you know, been an issue at times throughout my whole life. But I wasn't prepared to kind of be brought back into the story.

23:25 So it was really messed up my day. Whow it had a profound impact on me. I can't even express like it literally, like even right now, I know they're getting ready to play it, and already like just chills go through my body because it's just like forcing me. I can I can almost imagine the house. I you know, I can imagine the room this conversation happened in. I know what room it would have been in. Like I know that this is not one hundred percent accurate retelling of it. Of course, it's dramatized, and I know they're bringing a lot of costs us together. But I mean there's things about this that just drives me crazy because they it's presented and not as negative as it should have been presented, right it because yeah it it, yeah, the whole thing, the whole thing. But here's here's how they start the story.

24:23 Hey, what what are you doing? Boob oh? You startled me? Why are you changing my bedroom around? Oh? I'm making a little more space in here, Like. My bed has always been by the window. I know, but my daughters need a place to sleep. You have stepsisters moving in little. Little change now, huh? Since you married my dad. I know losing your mom was hard, but your dad and I think you'll be happier now, will be a real family again. Now I can't I can't stand that line. I can't stand that line because this would be my This is supposed to be my sister again. This is the story of my sister's life dramatized. That's supposed to be my sister.

25:07 And then that's the woman my father had married after my mother had died. Yes, all the step brothers and step sisters quote unquote, I don't necessarily, I don't necessarily refer to any of them as stepbrothers or stepsisters. I don't. I don't claim any kinship or or any relationship with any of them, right, I Like, I know that may not be very nice, But like the way I had to survive, this was, I just know I'm not connected to any of this. I don't even know what's happening. How, how was this even going on? Right? And there was trust me, there was no There was no connection between me and the other my father's new wife. The things were not good there either. So but yes, they moved in and me and my brother again we got moved to the back and my sister, Like I don't even know where she was in the midst of all of it, but her whole life was being rearranged, so there was it was difficult for her. Now, Hey, we're gonna be a real family. Now, I can't stand that line. That line drives me crazy because there was no being a real family. That's the Oh it was so not that. It was everything opposite of that. I'm telling you. It was the lord of the flies. It's like they they got married and they did their thing, and the kids were left to just finn for themselves, which led to utter chaos, led to the drugs, led to all the things that ultimately happened that ultimately almost

26:38 you know, killed my sister. So again I'm not denying her personal choice in this, but man, she was so young in this. I'm going to back this up again again. This what we're listening to is my sister's life that's been turned into a two part radio drama for the radio program Unshackled. It aired a couple of weeks ago. My sister sent this this to me yesterday. If you want to hear it, you can go to unshackled dot org look for audio dramas. You have to scroll down look for Hope Part one, Part two. I will be sending out links after this is over. But listen, I do show up in the story and well, well critique my scene when we get there. Here we go, Brown, Oh, I'm making a little more.

27:24 I'm going to back that up a little bit more that I wasn't very far. Here we go, sus and that's when her heart and mind and very life were unshackled. Hey, what what are you doing? Boop? You startled me? Why are you changing my bedroom around? Oh? I'm making a little more space in here.

28:04 My bed has always been by the window, I. Know, but my daughters need a place to sleep. You have stepsisters moving in. It'll all change now, huh. Since you married my dad. I know losing your mom was hard, but your dad and I think you'll be happier now, will be a real family again. And I have to share my room afraid. So and your closet too. But you'll have stepsisters. Won't that be fun? But my closet's already so small. Will work it out. Tell you what. Let's go and find your new sisters and have some blueberry muffins. Okay, but mom always made brownies on Sundays. Huh. I have no idea where my sister if they I don't know if if Unshackle added the brownies on Sundays, but apart, I don't know where that comes from. I have no idea. I don't remember one time in my entire life my mom making brownies, Okay, not once, if it happened to happen, if anyone see, my dad made peanut butter peanut butter candy. I did love that. I don't know what the recipe was, but I absolutely loved it.

29:14 And then maybe my dad may have made brownies. I don't remember my mom making anything, okay, So I don't know where that came from. I have no idea. I don't if my sister added that, I don't know of her mind. I don't know where that came from. And I definitely don't remember the other woman making anything, okay. If she made blueberry muffins, I don't remember where those ever showed up either, Okay, because all I remember is all of us kids fending for ourselves. They would go to the grocery store and buy stuff that basically was expired they were about to throw away they put it in a huge freezer, and then we would open the freezer and take whatever these frozen almost expired pizzas and burritos or whatever, and then put them in a microwave that and then me and my brother came up with a couple of things to make. Like I this, I don't remember any of this going down. I don't remember, and I definitely my Again, my sister was like six or seven when this was all happening, so I don't know if she gave this to unshackled or this is the dramatized part.

30:19 That they made up. But that I'm like, where did this occur? All right, but let's let's see how this goes down. Oh, well, your sisters like muffins better. You're okay with that, aren't you? I guess, so of course you are now hurry before your sisters eat all the muffins. And just for context, so what happened is the woman my father married had four kids, two girls, two boys, so there was four right then you had me at means five, my brother other makes six, and then my sister makes seven.

31:03 So that's how we went from. Yeah and yeah, the rest is history, and you'll see where how my sister is going to tell this story? From Chicago, Pacific Garden Mission brings you Unshackled, the unique dramatic series that tells meaningful stories of lives transformed in eighteen seventy seven, when the first rescue mission west of the Hudson River opened its doors. The facilities were limited, but the aim was impressive to provide help and hope to homeless people. Now, nearly a century and a half later, the facilities are greatly expanded, but the aim is unchanged.

31:46 Help includes food, clothing, lodging, rehabilitation, life skill classes, house and job placement, and council All are provided to our guests free of charge. Counselors offer hope and holistic care, dealing with the total person. In nineteen fifty, when our first Unshackled program was broadcast, it was heard by possibly a few thousand listeners. Today and on almost every nation on Earth, it is heard by millions. This still growing outreach exists because listeners have made it their business to invest in our ministry. They are determined to make it possible for others to hear the message of hope, healing and redemption, which is what this program celebrates now for broadcast around the earth. Here is episode number three, eight hundred thirty seven in the series Unshackled, the program that makes you face yourself and think. The woman in our story experienced the death of a parent, which is especially hard on a child. Would it be too hard to bounce back from You'll find out as we bring you part one of the true story of a woman we're calling Hope right now on unshackle.

33:07 And they calling her Hope, her real name is Hope. And the death of a parent again, for any of us, I don't know if any of us ever bounced back from it. I don't know if any of us was able to ever truly recover from it. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, obviously I tried to kill myself in the immediate aftermath of it. My sister again, between six and eight years of age. Her situation was just I don't even I mean, like I said, I was so separated from it in some aspects. And then my brother, his whole story is his own stories. So let's hear a little bit. I'm not going to play all of this again. I'm just introducing this so that everyone, if you want, if you're interested, you'll go listen.

33:52 But the message is this. Every person you meet has a story. Don't just reduce them to a cover. Just don't reduce them to well, they like this or they don't like There's more to people than we sometimes want to imagine. And well, here's my sister's story. Some people say time heals all wounds, but I never believed it. Gaining a new family at eight years old after my mom died rocked my world. My stepmom tried her best to give me. A new normal. We did things most families do. We always attended church, which I liked, but I never seemed to find my place, not in school, not even in my own family.

34:39 A peace of myself always seemed to be missing. I thought i'd finally found it during high school, until I realized that sometimes fitting in could lead you into the wrong places. Now, a couple of there's a lot there, Okay they if they did go to church, that definitely was different than when I was living there, because we didn't. Okay, there was some church here or there, but that's not the way it went down. Second, I know the other woman is alive. So my sister, you know, she sees the other woman more in a motherly way than obviously I did. And I would not say she did. I would say that my father and her did not do the best that they could. And the way my sister is telling the story, you know that everything everything kind of went wrong in high school, but the things that were falling apart and disintegrating were happening there in the house right because it turned I mean again, it's not even my words. Other people who were there, other people who were in that myth said it became sodom and gomorrah. It was just insanity.

35:48 It was just total anarchy. And so maybe my way is much more negative. But again, my sister probably didn't want the story to be told from a more negative personerspective blaming, because I think what contributed to a lot of it was what was going on in the house on Fridays and Saturday nights. Because I've heard horrible stories about what's happened. I mean, I can tell you the story, so I got proof of those stories. So but I think my sister did not want to do any more damage to because she wants a relationship there with with that with the woman than my father married again, my father died way way into this story. So yeah, but yeah, let's.

36:33 Listen, especially when it came to boys. I don't know about this, Jack. My stepmom's pretty strict on curfews. Hey, chill, it's just a little party, I know. But what you nervous because I got just the thing for that. Okay, I'll drink one beer, but then we have to go beer. I got something better try. This is that weed, not just any weed, the best here. Let me be like, now she's putting the weed outside of the house. I already knew the weed and the drugs were already in the house. In fact, I'd already warned the parents that, hey, or my father and then the woman he married, Hey, there's there's there's drugs here. Does anyone care? There's like, are you gonna do it?

37:24 And I was. I was basically like I was trying to cause trouble. I was a troublemaker. I was. And I'm like, okay, whatever. So, so the drugs were in the house, she didn't have to she didn't have to go outside of the house. The drugs were in the house. Sorry that that was the issue. Okay, but all right, light it up for you. I don't know you start feeling it. You, I can go somewhere and have a little. Fun by everybody's watching us, so everybody's doing it. You fit right in? Well okay, but justice once fitting in didn't make me feel any better deep down. But I was accepted by the party crowd, and that felt good, or so I thought, until smoking weed became a habit, and so did give an in to every guy who asked. I was always terrified that my parents might find out, but I craved that feeling of acceptance.

38:24 Then I went to spend the summer. With my older brother, who was a church pastor and apparently very intuitive. Okay, this is where I show up in the story. This is where I show up in the story. Ladies and gentlemen. Now, I was not a church pastor at the time, Okay, so that's number one. I was in the military. I was going to school to be a church pastor. But she did come stay with us, and I was I guess I was somewhat intuitive. I was intuitive before I left home, trying to let everyone know this situation is not good. I was trying to offer the warning then, right, So when she came to live with us, I was trying to fix the problem. This story that she's about to tell did not happen because I would never, in any circumstance manipulate someone to go to church. This did not happen this way. I'm gonna have to ask my sister about how did y'all tell?

39:23 Why did this show up in the story? You? I never manipulated you to go to church? No, I wouldn't. That was never my game. Well, if you don't do this, if you don't come to church, I'm gonna do That's no, that's not the that's not the way I've ever handled it. But here, here's where I show up. I show up as Terry. That's not my real name, but that's the name they use. This is me showing up in the story right Here we go? Here? Here, Here is yours truly in an episode of Unshackled. Here we go? What roll it down? Hand over the keys? Why now where you going?

40:10 Don't you trust me to drive your car? Is there some reason I shouldn't? Huhuh No? Why? Look, hope you may be able to full mom and dad, but not me. I'm just going to a party, a. Party where everyone's smoking and drinking and who knows what else, I don't. I'm not. I know the pressure you're under. What pressure? And pressure can cause you to do things that can get you into trouble. What's that mean? It means I can't let you drive my car if you're hungover, going to drink some more? Terry? Am I right? What? So? Now? I guess you'll tell Dad. Don't you think I should? Oh? Great, just what I need. Look, I know from experience you won't find what you're looking for and drinking. And drugs cause it's a sin, right.

40:52 Yeah, it is, and because God wants a better life for you than that. So what are you gonna do? You're gonna send me home? No? Not if you come to church with me tomorrow. Please don't make me do that. You used to love church, but God gave up on me a long time ago. Or maybe you gave up on him when you started doing your own thing, like what well, like all the things you were going to do tonight had I not stopped you. Hope. I know it's nice to feel accepted and cool, but think about what you're doing before it destroys your life. There was my appearance in the episode of Unshackled. There's so much about that. First, I don't have a Southern accent like that. Okay, So that's that's two. I'm not terry. Three.

41:37 When she come to live with us in Nebraska, she wasn't partying she was. I mean, she didn't. She didn't even have a driver's license. I don't even think at the time if she did. She definitely wasn't driving my car at least I don't. Believe she was. Okay, there was never a situation where I'm like, you're not dog, give me the keys. There was never. That never occurred. And I never would have said, I'll tell Dad unless you come to church with me. That's not that's not. She came to church with us because well, we went to church, and she was living with us, and we weren't letting her stay by herself. So she went to church and then she made a profession of faith, and then everything well, we thought everything was great, We thought everything was going well, and then she came back home, and then everything once she comes back home, after she left Nebraska to come back, that's when the story literally unravels and a total complete chaos. Right here, we'll listen to just a little bit more.

42:44 I wanted to take his advice, But the drugs already had a grip on me even in college. Daily use was a huge part of my life, and they helped medicate my feelings of emptiness. So when I met someone who made marriage sound cool and appealing, it might fill that empty spot. We had a daughter, Melanie, and I soon discovered that my new spouse struggled with mental health issues. Shut there, kudeo, Melanie, Daddy didn't mean that. Daddy want you to shut up? Stop it. You're scaring her. No, what scares her is the possibility leaving us. What Now that marriage was not good, Dad turned into horrible situation. Now, I was not a part of any I was in Nebraska, I was in the military, and i'd basically, for all practical purposes, had no contact with anyone in the family.

43:39 I basically was done. I was I had moved on with my life. So she ends up in an abusive situation, horrible situation. That husband ended up killed. He ended up murdered. If I remember that part of it the story correct, I don't think they go into that. Then she marries someone else, that marriage falls apart. But yeah, at this point, things are not going well. Things are not going well. Things are things are not good here, right, And so I think I come back, I end up in not I don't end up in the middle of it. I think I show back up a couple of times, and I think me and Hope have some Then I think then I because I'm I'm kind of like, you know, young, you know, passionate, trying to serve God. I think I kind of handled it in a much more phariseical, judgmental kind of way, like, basically, you're an idiot. I don't know what your problem is, you know, if that's the way you're gonna be. Basically, I just I did not handle it in a very compassionate or godly way.

44:43 I was very much like, you're. Just being an idiot and you're destroying your life, and I don't know what your problem is. You you claim to believe in God, but clearly like I just came at it in a very judgmental not I didn't handle it in a very good way, let's put it that way. So at that point that our relationship was pretty much over, and then she was kind of, well, then it just drugs and and we're not even getting I mean, when you get to part two of this. The story just loose, I mean it just it is why it's why it's turned into our radio drama, because it's absolutely crazy. But we'll just wrap this up to at least this part. Oh, come on, Hope, I see the way you look at our mailman.

45:25 Are you out of your mind? You know it's true and it's not just him. I saw you talking to Dave, Dave who the grocery store manager. This past weekend. You're insane and you're sor I was asking him where they kept the baby formula and. Probably getting his number two and shut her up? Or so help me what you'll beat on her like you beat on me. Stop it? You deserved it. And where do you think you're going? Let go of me? Come here, baby, Come with mama. Hey, where do you think you're going? Anywhere you follow? Tell me I'll go to the police. You know you can't make it without me. You'll be back.

46:11 Driving away with my face bruised and my nose bladen. I vowed to make it on my own, somehow, alone with my little girl and without his constant. Abuse, I managed to land on my feet. I finished college, got a job, and worked hard to keep my drug use from my. Boss, and that that is true. She did. She did get a good graduated from college, did get a good job. Things were looking up for a while. Things were actually there was a period of time looked good. In fact, I came back, yeah for her for the second marriage. I was there when she got married. I was there when she got married. I did come in from Nebraska for the second marriage, and everything was looking up, like like she had. Everything was looking really good at the second marriage. Things were she had made it through all of the craziness at the house. But the drugs really kind of was was, I guess still there like at that time.

47:11 I wouldn't have known the drugs were still there. At that point, I would not have had a clue because I was so disconnected from it. I even found a babysitter who lived in my building. That babysitter, Cindy, would take my daughter with her to the prison when she was visiting a relative there. That relative, Robert, got to know me a little through my daughter and her babysitter. Robert becomes the third husband in the story. So so again, this is all from Unshackled. This is my sister's story and aired recently, and I just I'm I'm just what I'm trying to use this for is to show you that no matter what, when you meet a person, there's more to them than what you see. And well, this is my sister's story. So we'll just play a little bit more of this, and then I'm going to put the links to the episodes in the show notes, and then if you're using the Church one app, I'll send out the link to this. If you go to unshackled dot org, you can you can hear a little bit more. Well, you can hear all of my sister's story. They broke it down into two parts, and uh, well part two is where it Well, well, well let's just review a little bit more of this.

48:29 So you can imagine my surprise when. Hello, this is a call from Alfred D. Hughes unit. We have inmate. Robert Ray is on the line. You accept the call? Who do you accept the call? Uh? Yeah, hope for the transfer please. Hope. Yes, Hi, it's good to finally talk to you. Yeah, Hi, Robert, I got your letter. Oh good, I hope it's okay that I'm calling. Yeah, sure, good to finally hear your voice after hearing so much about you from Cindy and Melanie. Oh well, thanks, So how are you? That's a terrible question.

49:14 You're in prison. No, it's fine. I'm doing good. I'm doing forty five. I'm doing good forty five years. Yeah, but I'm praying for parole. You never know. Well, that's that's good. Yep. I believe with the Lord anything as possible. Yeah. Your letter said you were in a Bible study. You still doing that. I can't not go to Bible study helps me survive. We do a weekly study here with guys from our unit. Oh that's nice. How about you. Hope you read the Bible? Oh not in a long time. Always time to start again. Oh I don't know. God and I are. Rather distant these days.

49:55 Oh well, I can guarantee you he's not the one that moved. I feel like he's given up on me. Or maybe you gave up on him. Like I said, he don't move. It's always us. But sin does that to a person, makes him move away from God. So what's your struggle? Struggle? Yeah, what separates you from God? Booze, drugs, lust, pride, greed. We all got something. Well, I do some drugs, but I don't use that work or around my daughter. But it's hard, right, I get it. When you need someone to talk to, give me a call, I'm well, I'm always here.

50:42 I was fascinated that someone doing a forty five year prison sentence will be reading the Bible and trying to encourage me. His words echoed my brothers that God hadn't given up on me. It was strange and comforting at the same time. And our friendship brew along with. The phone calls. And now I've got that better job. I think I'm finally getting my life together. So did you marry that guy we talked about? I did. He's kind of Melanie sounds good. But no drugs right. Well not exactly because well he uses just. To relax all by himself. No, actually we both do, but only on weekends.

51:25 I hope that won't work for you. You know that I can handle it. So far, it's been okay. Now this part of the story, Like I said, I at this point, I'm in Nebraska, I'm in the military. I'm moving on. I don't have much connection. The first husband. Then everything fell apart there, the abuse, the violence, everything there. Then the second when she marries the second husband. I was there at the wedding. I came from Nebraska in for that, so I was there for that part. And then at this point her meeting Robert, starting to talk to Robert, I I didn't know much about this.

52:07 I think i'd heard some about it. I didn't. I wasn't paying a lot of attention. I mean I had, I mean I was. I was, you know, in the military, I was full time, full time student and what two different schools, and so I was, I was, I was doing, you know, trying to get all my theological education in the military family, so I was. I was extremely busy at this time. So when this all was going on, I wasn't as I knew about some of it, but didn't know a lot of this part of the story at this at this part, at some point, I don't know at what point in the timeline, the first husband is murdered, So that happens at some point in in a lot of this.

52:55 But okay, can go bad really fast, especially when you're using. I knew Robert was right that I couldn't keep my drug use weekends only for long. I just kept using and hiding until Melanie got married and moved away. By then, my husband was struggling with his own issues and eventually moved out. My friendship with Robert was the only constant thing in my life except for my persistent need for a high. As a result, the phone line into the prison was quickly becoming my lifeline. So you're on your own. Again, just me now the Melanie's married.

53:35 Melanie tells me you're living in that old house or your grandma's. You and Melanie have always had a special connection. Ever since she came to visit me as a little girl. She sure has needed a good Bible reading. Man's influence in her life. Could be you do too, maybe, so you should think about it. I knew Robert was right. I needed a Bible reading kind of got to be a good influence on me. And I also knew my feelings for him had grown. I knew he understood me better than anyone ever had. So when he brought up the very unorthodox idea of marriage to a prisoner serving time, I was shocked.

54:17 Now at this point, from the outside, I'm just gonna be honest, the rest of us was kind of like, what is going on? What is happening here? Like like, because I would only hear parts of this right, like I wasn't like it has intimately involved in some of this. I'm kind of like, wait, what is my sister doing now? Like what is what is she's going to marry someone who's in prison? Like this? This is where things were, like what is happening? But at the same time, I did not any communication I did have with her because there was times, you know, I was talking to her about some of this and all the different things that were going on. I had changed my approach here and it was no longer like I'm just going to be judging and condemning, because I had grown up a lot right earlier on in her life when the drugs were starting and some of this stuff was going on, I was much younger in my faith and much more like, what is your problem?

55:12 You're not even a Christian? You know. I was very much just condemning, a very much approaching it, and a not a yeah definitely not a grace based way, very much a law based way, because but yeah this, but yeah, things things here. This is where things and it's crazy. Looking at the timeline, but things are about to reach an absolutely just it's things are about to explode and fall apart. At one point, she's living in well, my mom and dad's old house, right that had there's no way to turn there's no way to say this nicely.

55:54 It had been turned into basically a drug den. They had utterly destroyed. The house was destroyed beyond like, you can't even comprehend the living conditions they were in. It was insane, the things that were going on, the things she was doing to get the drugs utterly just things had reached a level like I cannot wrap my mind. I can't even explain to you how bad they were. Definitely can't do it on a Christian podcast. There was sexual sexual things going on that I cannot go into. There were there was drug use. I mean the house was totally destroyed. Uh. They were living in conditions that no human beings should be living in.

56:40 It was it was bad. Things at this point had. Started getting really really bad around this. Maybe not exactly at this time, but things maybe it was a little after this, but things were slowly unraveling. And thrilled Tomorrow's big day. Ready for a marriage by proxy. If it means I'll have you in my life forever, I'll be. Ready you clear and what to do. Yep, I'll have a person to stand in and answer for you when he hears you answer my. Phone, well, who did you find? I got that covered. Just promise me you won't back out never. You and Melanie are my life now, and someday maybe I'll be paroled and we can start a real life together.

57:24 I'm hoping and praying that will happen. That's exactly what I wanted to hear. Now. Somewhere in the midst of this time frame, me and I start talking to Robert, not all the time, but he would call. He would call frequently, Holidays, he would call. He would ask me at some point in all of this, he's all worried about Hope, asking me what is Hope doing? What's going on? And I don't have any answers for him, And it's like, yeah, so me and Robert do talk a lot. Not a lot, but we talked a lot at specific times when Hope's behavior just became so erratic and started literally just she was rapidly descending into just total chaos. And by the time you get to part two of this, you'll hear if you want to hear the rest of the story, but we'll play just a little bit more.

58:21 Having a husband who actually loved me was a new and wonderful experience, but being separated because of his prison sentence was emotionally painful, and when things got lonely, the. Old habits came back hard. I filled my lonely hours with drugs that I did my best to hide from both Robert and Melanie. But I couldn't hide my addiction from my bosses, so it eventually cost me one good job after another. With no money and a raging habit to support, my life became a dumpster fire. I was frantic to keep Melanie from finding out. Dumpster fire is the biggest understatement in the history of humankind.

59:04 What turned it? It turned into was insanity was just I mean, it does. It just goes from bad to worse. So what you're listening to is my sister's story that has been turned into a radio drama for the radio program Unshackled. It aired a couple of weeks ago. My sister sent this to me yesterday and uh, I play a little bit a part of it. You heard me, you heard my part in it, which again that that event they dramatized that that's not the way I went down. I'm gonna ask my sister, hey, why did you that's not the way that went down? How did that? Why? How did that show up? Again? She told the basic story and then they dramatized it.

59:46 So some things is a combination of events and some things, but the story gets horrible. And if you want to listen to the rest, go to unshackled dot org. Unshackled dot org scrolled look for Hope Part one, Part two. You'll hear her story. What I'm going to do is when this is over and I upload this, it'll be the links will be in the show notes. I'll put the links in the show notes. Secondly, if you're using the church one app, I'll send out the links. And then third if you go to the brand new just launched today sermon audio dot com website, you should look at it. It's the brand new website launch today Sermon audio dot com. Looks awesome. Go to Theology Central, do a search and when you get there, look for articles and I'll try to post the links and the articles as well. So there's lots of ways to find it and you can hear the rest of my sister's story.

1:00:41 You'll have to listen to the rest of part one because then that ends. Oh boy, yeah, that's like so much of this. A lot of the bad things here are not really being described here. They're not there. But it goes this story or he just falls completely and utterly apart. But uh, and you can hear well then how it all turned out. So there you have it. My sister story. I was a part of it a little bit, but to be fair, I wasn't a part of it. Probably the way I should have my whole life. My whole life was falling apart, trying to figure out my life.

1:01:23 And then finally, you know, I'm in the military, I move away. And it's not like at that time you could just pick up a cell phone and call someone or FaceTime someone or text someone. You'd have to call long distance, which costs lots of money if. You remember that. So there was there was, There was limited my connection. There was not much I could do at that time. There was not much I could do. So and then when I did show up again, I brought in my I brought in my independent, fundamental Baptist lordship kind of mindset, and I just basically threw her out off under the bus and said, you're not You're basically not a Christian. You're going to go to hell. And I don't know what your problem is. And I was not very compassionate in any way, shape or form, So my Christianity was not of much assistance to her at this time. And uh, and then once she got so wrapped up into drugs, nobody knew what to do because if you, if you confronted her that she was drug she would get offended and she'd get mad and she'd get defensive and say, how dare you accuse me?

1:02:21 I'm not doing anything? And then it just got bad, worse and worse and worse and worse and worse, and and then everything we tried to do it just everything. You couldn't do anything. Nobody knew what to do. Nobody, nobody knew what to do. And so then it was just you saw her life like you were living in these conditions. What what what? Nobody knew what to do, and nobody knew how to get into a confrontation with her. So it was it was bad. It was bad. And I don't know if the program even comes close to cat suring how bad it was. I could I could do ten parts on how bad it was. But there you have it. So Unshackled is the radio program My Sister's Story has aired, and I'll post the links to it if you want to hear the rest of it. And for some of you, you may be able one to relate to her story. Two, you may have family members who are living out her story.

1:03:17 And hopefully somewhere in the story you'll find some sense of hope because it is the story of my sister whose name is Hope. All right, thanks for listening. Everyone, have a great day. Just remember every person you meet there's a story. Knowing that story, learning that story, and hearing that story gives you a better understanding of the person you're talking to. Thanks for listening, and God bless