The Stupidity of Giving Gifts

0:02 Looking at our world from a theological perspective. This is the Theology Central podcast making Theology Central. Good afternoon everyone. It is Friday, December the twenty seventh, twenty twenty four. It is currently three point fifty two pm Central Time, and I am coming to you live from the Theology Central studio located right here in Abilene, Texas. Christmas is over. Christmas twenty twenty four is in the history books and is over. We can move forward, we can forget about it. We can just we can just see what's in front of us. But before we really can do that, we kind of have to stop and we have to ask everyone. I guess this is kind of a question you have to ask everyone. So what did you get for Christmas? Did you love your gift?

0:58 Did you dislike it? Did you have to pretend that it was an amazing gift when in reality you were thinking, what is this? What am I going to do with this? Did you what did you get for Christmas? What? Now? For some of you, you love gift giving. You think it's great. You love to receive, you love to give. You like to wrap the presence, You like shopping for them. You like everything about gift giving. Others of you may be a little bit and different, and there are some of us we may be in the minority of the minority of the minority that we tend to see all of the gift giving as kind of stupid, and it puts you over and over in circumstances and situations where you have to kind of pretend. A good example of pretending is kind of what I'm doing right now, because the reality is last few days hasn't been so good, and I'm kind of little and I've already tried to do this broadcast once and then the internet crash, so I'm doing this again. So I've got to kind of now kind of pretend to be like, yeah, let's do this broadcast when I'm really thinking, I don't even want to do this. I'm frustrated, I'm irritated, and but I've got to do the broadcast. Guess I haven't broadcasted in the last few days. I'm gonna brodcast the last few days because things haven't been going very well. That's all. So, but that's a little bit like gift giving, right, You get a gift and you have to go, oh, I'm so surprised. Oh this is amazing, when in reality you may be thinking, what is this right? There's a little bit okay, maybe you disagree, Maybe you don't ever have

2:30 done that once in your life. I bet you have. So I tend to be very negative about gift giving. I'm just gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. I'm gonna be honest. So for full transparency, I'm going to explain why I have such a negative view on gift giving. And I look, I'm more than aware of my bias. I know I'm bringing a biases into this conversation. So for full transparency, I've got to explain what gives me such a bias against gift giving if we're going to be talking about gift giving. But at the same time, Anya, I'm because of the last few days and things not going well, I'm a little frustrated and irritated, and because I've already tried this broadcast once in the Internet crash, and I got to do it again. Yeah, I'm already a little bit irritated. So you may hear a little edge in my voice. So I'm coming at this with a somewhat of a bias. You'll understand why, maybe a little frustrated.

3:24 So maybe the whole concept will even sound more frustrating when they even have to try to talk about it. But at least you understand how I'm approaching it, and I'm admitting that, right, you may be able to present all the beauty of gift giving. Fifty reasons why gift giving is an important part of our social fabric. It makes us people, it makes us humans. To give is to be human. Whatever, however, you would like to put it in a much more positive light. You can record your episode and send it to me and tell me why I'm all wrong. But I have a tendency to approach it. I do. But now, look that doesn't mean I believe the entire concept of gift giving is bad.

4:06 I just believe there is a the way it is done and how sometimes it plays out within our social construct is that it is just inherently illogical and stupid in many ways, not in every way, but in many way. Let me please state that, not in every way, but in many ways. So why do I have maybe such a I know what you're saying, You're like, man, what is what is your problem? And you're all negative? I know I can be I know I can be, but I'm gonna be. I'm trying to explain all right now. As I stated at the beginning in my introduction, it is Friday, December the twenty seventh. Being December the twenty seventh means absolutely probably nothing to you, or maybe it does, but it has great significance to me because December the twenty seventh, in many ways, is the day that gift giving died for me. On December the twenty seventh, when I was young, on this day, many many years ago, when I was young, gift giving died. It turned on.

5:10 It turned into something far more negative than I would have ever dreamed would happen in my life. So I bring that bias. Is so what happened? All right? Well, now there's some memory issues with remembering exactly how this played out, right, so I could just tell one story. But however I tell the story, let me just tell you. I know that there may be some gaps in it. It's not perfect. I can't just call people and ask because everyone is dead, so I can't ask anyone exactly how this played out. But to the best of my recollection is I wanted to give my mom a Christmas gift or a birthday gift. Because Christmas December the twenty fifth, her birthday December the twenty seventh, right, so I wanted to either give her a Christmas gift or a birthday gift.

5:58 I didn't have money to give her either one. If I remember correctly. On December the twenty fifth, may have been the twenty fourth, twenty fifth, I don't know. I received some type of card something that had money in it. So I was like, I'm gonna take my money and I'm gonna buy my mom Christmas slash birthday gift. Now. I lived in Buffalo Gap, Texas, population maybe two hundred and thirty people at the time. Right, but right behind my house, right if you walked up the back door of my house, across the backyard, there was this row of these. It looked like something from the eighteen hundreds, right, like an old West town that had a little wooden sidewalk, even had the horse post where you could tie up your horse right right there in front, and this little wooden sidewalk. And you walked down a little wooden sidewalk, and there was the general store. It was supposed to look like a store, maybe like from the eighteen hundreds, but it had all kinds of trinkets and just a lot of little different things in it. Now I have my Christmas money. I'm a little kid, right, I'm a little kid. So I run out the back door is doing something else. She thinks I'm going out to play.

7:02 But I got the money in my pocket and I run to the general store and I run in and I'm looking looking, looking, well, how much is this? How much is this? Okay? I don't think is this enough? Like basically kind of asking them, is this enough? Well, no, that's not enough. There's a glass mug. Ooh do I have enough for that? I don't know if I actually had enough or not, I don't know. But the woman working the store was like, yeah, that's good, and she kind of put it and I said, I'm getting it from my mom. Okay, I don't know it. She like took it in a brown the brown bag and kind of I don't know what she did. She kind of and it took maybe another bag. It wasn't like a wrap she wrapped it in any meaningful way, but it was kind of and it was in some kind of bag and I don't remember exactly how it looked now I believe it may have been actually December the twenty seventh. I think it was actually her birthday.

7:46 It could have been December the twenty sixth, but I'm believing it was December the twenty seventh because now I'm gonna give her birthday gifts lash Christmas gift on December the twenty seventh. So I go run into the house. I'll never forget it. It's like a gray kind of it was kind of somewhat cold for a being a Texas, a West Texas Christmas, so it's somewhat chilly. I ran into the back door, right uh, and the back door opened into the kitchen. She's standing in the kitchen and I'm like, I got you a present, right all excited. She takes it. I don't remember if she just pulled it out of the bag, if it was wrapped in any way shape or form. It was not like in a you know, typically like you would wrap a present. She looked at the gift, this glass mug, looked back at me, looked back at the gift, and I'll never forget her words. Now I've got a somewhat paraphrase, but they're they're there and grat They're like being carved into my brain, like you know, with a chisel, Like they've chiseled into my brain. I'm never gonna forget the basic the basic meaning of the words was this is the dumbest this is the most stupid gift anyone has ever given me. She referred to it as stupid, She referred to it as dumb, she referred to it as is worthless.

8:55 And then she took it, and then she smashed it into like a million pieces right there on the kitchen floor. I will never forget that day as long as I live, because at that point I was like, no, no, no, no, no. This is the way I'm thinking, No, no, no, mom, It's not that my gift was stupid. It's giving gifts that are stupid. The whole gift giving thing is stupid. That's basically how I felt from that very moment. So I bring a biases into this story, all right, I bring a biases into this discussion, because we're gonna be talking about gift giving. And the reason we're gonna be talking about it is because a woman was She had gone into Target, she comes out of Target, she gets in her car, she takes her phone, she records a TikTok video where she offers her very unpopular opinion about well gift giving. Right. She even refers to it as a non popular opinion. But she's got something to get off her chest. She's frustrated by what she saw happening in Target, I think on December the twenty third of this year. I think it was December the twenty third, maybe twenty second. I think it was the twenty third, And she did not like what she saw, and she was upset about it, and she let everyone know. She posted it. The thing went viral at this point, it probably has over a million views, over four over a million views, over four thousand comments. Everyone seems to be divided over her opinion. There's news articles already been written

10:29 in regards to this TikTok video. So what we're gonna do is I'm gonna play the audio. Now. I cannot play all the audio, all right, ladies and gentlemen, because at the end, she drops, well an F bomb, and I don't think that would really be appropriate for the Theology Central podcast, and probably for some of the platforms we were on. They would probably then delete this entire broadcast. So I cannot do that. In some ways, I wanted to hear it because I want her expressions to be heard, but I will have to stop it prior to that, So it's a very short TikTok video. I think the whole thing is about fifty seconds fifty two seconds, at about nine seconds ten seconds left to have to make sure I hit the pause button or things will get very uncomfortable for everyone. So I'm gonna do that. But she's going to express her frustrations. Now, let me make it very clear. As I critique her view on gift giving, I'm going to be offering my own critique over gift giving in general. And I know that my critique is because of a bias, because on December the twenty seventh, many many many years ago, gift giving died for me in many aspects. I still believe it can be done in a perfect way, maybe not a perfect way. I don't think it's ever perfect. It can be done in a beautiful way, it can be done in a meaningful way, but I think those situations are rare and few and far between because of the way we've basically constructed this whole gift giving concept, which I think is just filled with logical fallacies. It's just I think it's all broken. I think the whole thing is broken. I have been the recipient of times where

12:03 people have been have given a gift and a correct way, and hopefully I've given gifts in a way and a correct way. So I'm not saying it's always bad, but man, can it go so so horribly wrong? All right, So let's listen to this now. This is from TikTok. The audio is not great. She recorded it with phone in her car. I probably should have, you know, amplified it, but I didn't. So I'm gonna play a little bit of this then start it over so you can hear it, because it goes by so fast. It's gonna be like, you know, forty five seconds. But she gets her point across. She gets it across succinctly, and whether you agree or disagree, she gets the point across. Now I've my own personal feelings as all of her comments is everything wrong with gift giving. What she's complaining about is the wrong thing to be complaining about. What she should be complaining about.

12:54 It's just the entire, the entire concept of gift giving. Because her attitude about gift giving is one gift giving is stupid. All right, here we. Go unpopular opinion. It is December twenty third. If my husband looks at me at any point today and says, the boys and I are going to run to town. We have some aarons to run, I will lose my everlasting mind because I just left Target, and Target is full of men and their children who are buying their wives last minute crap gifts. Candles, crappy jewelry blankets. We don't want that. Hear that. She's mad because she was in Target. She saw all the men with their kids buying what she referred to as crap gifts. Candles, cheap jewelry blankets. We don't want that. So she has an expectation. She wants a gift, but I had better be a gift of her choosing what she likes. You better get what she likes, or it's a crap gift. Now it's hard for me not to hear her, and I hear my mom looking at me going, this is stupid, this is this is the worst gift. This is the dumbest gift of every and smash it on the floor. That's what I hear when I hear her. That's what I hear here. Oh, don't give me some cheap gift. Don't give me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no no no. You better get me something good. Now I'm gonna play it again. Now you may not again.

14:19 My bias may be coming into play, but you can listen and see what you think. I'm gonna back this up. Here we go. Unpopular opinion. It is December twenty third. If my husband looks at me at any point today and says, the boys and I are gonna run to town. We have some errands to run, I will lose my everlasting mind because I just left Target, and Target is full of men and their children who are buying their wives last minute crap gifts, candles, crappy jewelry, blankets. We don't want that. You have three hundred and sixty four or five days of the year to shop for us, Get us what we want. I say, did kirk my wish list six weeks ago, So help me God. If I don't get something off that wish list and all I get is crappy candles and blankets from Target, I will lose my everlasting mind.

15:12 Hey, I sent my I sent my wish list six weeks ago. Six weeks You better give me something on that list or I will lose my ever living mind. So for her for gift giving, basically, this is the way she set it up. You will give me a gift that I want, and you will put in the exact same amount of effort and thought is I have put into you? Well, really, you don't have to put any thought into it. Just wait for her list. Thank you, honey, I've got I've got the list, all right, I can now may I now? May I be able to go to the store? Is this the right? Oh? I'm sorry? Did I wait too long? Because I can't go get you the gift on December the twenty third because I looked like I didn't put any thought? But did I really need to go on December the twenty second? Since I have the list right here, all I gotta do is just go into the store and so do you have one of these? And then they look at the list, Yeah we have those, okay, which I'll thank you. And then I go, oh, look, I've given you a gift. Oh, act surprised, say, the whole thing is stupid. The whole thing is not her whole argument is just like, I'm gonna give you the list and you will get me what I want. Go get it yourself. Then if you can't be you know who, no, oh no. If they go, if they decide to get in a car, drive to town, go shopping, but because they didn't do it, you know, two hundred days beforehand, I mean, then that shows they didn't care. Because they have to go when you think they should go, they can't get they can't get in the car together. Maybe they're waiting till Maybe the husband

16:44 is waiting till December the twenty third because the kids are out of school, maybe he's off work. Maybe just is a great time to get into the car, him and the kids and they go get But oh no, don't go to Target because you're gonna get her some crap gift and she doesn't want a stupid candle or stupid cheap jewelry. It's got to be what you hear my frustration, Yeah, my frustration. The whole thing, it just it just screams of what's wrong with the whole concept of gift giving. The whole thing is messed up. So what I decided to do is to try to offer somewhat of an analysis of gift giving, and then I'm gonna try to look at it from a biblical and phiological perspective. Is I was gonna do a little bit of a small analysis of what she had to say, but you heard what she had to say. I can't play the rest and now now, and good news is she did do a follow up TikTok and her husband did follow the rules and did give her what's on her list. And she's happy. She's got such a great husband because he follows the rules really well. He gave her what she wanted on her list. I mean, I mean, what a what a beautiful Hallmark movie. Here, honey, here's what I want. Go to the store and get it, and I'll be happy and I'll make a TikTok video and tell everyone what a great husband I have because he follows the rules. Oh, what a beautiful Chris moment. Oh, oh, I wonder what you got me? What is that present under the tree? It better be what's on that list?

18:07 Oh look at Oh it's so wonderful. Yeah, now I'm getting really irritated. Okay, so all right, so this is just the whole problem with gift giving. The whole The whole concept is just a mess. So are you ready to analyze gift giving? And to see? Now there is my bias coming out, There is me responding to that, which I'm doing so in a very sarcastic way because it really does irritate me. In fact, listening to it at that time made it more irritating than all the other times I've listened to it. So there we go. Do you need to hear it again? Maybe we'll play it at the end. Well, maybe we'll play it at the end. So here we go. Let's analyze this orre you ready? Let's analyze this. So I think it's fair to say I think this is an accurate description that gift giving the concept is a complex social practice. I think it's It is a social practice, and I think there's some complexities in it. And the reason I'm gonna say it's complex is because sometimes it's a beautiful expression of gratitude and love and appreciation, and sometimes it's an absolute facade, it's a joke, it's vanity of vanity, right, And I think in many cases gift giving and the way it kind of plays that shows the sinful nature maybe better than not giving a gift. And I'll explain here in a minute. All right, Now, gift giving can bring maybe connection, It can be an expression of affection.

19:31 But within gift giving there are inherent challenges and are you ready for this? I believe logical inconsistencies. So I gathered quotes from Psychology Today, neuro Launch, Wall Street Journal, The Daily Telegraph, Vox, and Wikipedia, all giving certain describing certain parts of gift giving. Are you ready, Let's start with Psychology Today. Gift giving brings the inherent challenge of mismatched expectations and preferences. See everyone involved in the gift giving process, there is an expectation. If I go out and get you a gift, we'll go back to my What happened with me on December the twenty seventh, many many years ago. My expectation was, I'm taking the money I got for Christmas as a kid, not getting myself something walking over to a store. I know I wasn't driving or going far, but going to a store buying my mom a gift. My expectation she was going to open it and go oh. She would have to know that the money came from the money I got for Christmas.

20:58 She would be like, oh, how wonderful, how beautiful, how selfless? You were not being selfish or being selfless. Oh amazing, this is beautiful. Oh let me, let me get something to drink right now. And oh look, look everyone, I'm gonna I'm gonna show everyone who comes over my mug that you bought me. I thought, I thought everyone. That was my expectation. I don't know what her expectation was, but obviously she wasn't expecting a glass mug, if I could speak correctly, she was expecting something else. So there was a mismatched expectation. I was expecting one response, she was expecting something else. And what was the end result? She took it, told me it was stupid, smashed it into a million pieces, and ruined my entire life of the concept of gift giving and preferences. I had the preference that she was gonna love it. She had the preference.

21:48 There's all this mismatch. Now, psychology today says this about this mismatch. Are you ready that there's a significant issue in gift giving, and it's the discrepancy between the giver's perception and the recipient's desires. Givers often choose gifts they believe are thoughtful, yet they may not align with the recipient's preference, leading to dissatisfaction. Now, just think the whole concept of gift giving over and over and over leads people dissatisfied. Well, mean, the whole process. If people end up dissatisfied, that's the then the whole concept just falls apart, all right, now this misalignment. Look, there's an actual name in psychology for this misalignment. It can result in a substantial economic insufficiency. This is known as, and I'm quoting from psychology today, dead weight loss of Christmas. Dead weight loss of Christmas, dead weight loss of Christmas. Okay, so let me read this again. This is what happens when you have the giver who chooses the gift. They believe they're thoughtful, but it doesn't align with the recipient's preference, leading to dissatisfaction. This misalignment can be as known as the dead weight loss of Christmas. Where the value of the gift to recipients is less than the cost incurred

23:21 by givers. So the giver there's a cost money, time, effort, thought they give to the recipient. The recipient perceives it as this isn't worth five cents, This isn't worth opinion, This is useless? Why did you give me this? They may never say that, but they're thinking, why did you give me this? Dumb thing? Is read? This is a waste of time. And now I can tell a second story, which once again gives you why I have such a bias against gift giving. I work at the seventh Medical Group, Dias Air Force Base in the military, right, and the section that I work in, they decide, let's do secrets. Yay. I think the limit.

24:03 I think it's like between fifty to one hundred dollars. I think it was closer to one hundred dollars that you could spend on the gifts. They went a much higher than you typically would do for a secret sena. They went much higher, okay, And I'm like, okay, great, all right, so I draw the name. I don't remember the name of the person or even what I purchased, but I remember that it was somewhere. What I ultimately gave them it was. I think I gave them to a couple of gifts, one big gift and then two or three small gifts to get it pretty close to one hundred dollars. They perceived to be happy about it. They perceived to be happy about it. From everything that I could ask people and do whatever research I could into the person, it seemed to be align what I think their personality, the things that they talked about. So I thought, I think overall was a pretty good gift.

24:44 At least I'm hoping it was. I don't know that would but that was see. I went forth the time, the effort and the money boom. Give them the gift. Great, everybody, it appears everything is good. Then it was time for me to receive my gift, and my gift was from someone else, now from the person I gave a gift too, but from someone else. It was weird the way they worked it. But that's just the way it happened. Someone else shows me that's the way it worked, all right, So I get my gift. All right, Ladies and gentlemen. There's no way to describe what just happened other I guess the only way we can describe it is the dead weight loss of Christmas. Because I get a kind of a bag of gifts. The first thing I get I take out of the bag is a little mini portable battery operated fan that you could set on your desk and blow on you. Okay, I never complained about being hot. It wasn't a mentopausal woman going through having heat flashes. I don't know why I needed a mini fan.

25:47 I have no idea. It looked like something that you get from the dollar store for fifty cents. It was like made a plastic I think, yeah, I mean, I don't even know what it was. And it was like purple or pink in colors. It was like purple or pink. I'm like, what is this? Right? So there because this purple pink thing becomes the theme, right, So there's that. The second thing was a poster purple and pink color, okay, of a unicorn. I am not joking. They drew my name. They knew they work with me. So so like everyone's kind of looking at it and you can kind of see like I don't know what to sound. I'm like, oh, awesome, And everybody's kind of looking at me like is he being punked? Is he being prank Like? This can't be a legitimate. He got a portable plastic little fan and a poster with a unicorn on it that's like pink and purple coloring. What is this? I think there was like a pink pencil or like a unicorn. Ahead of Racer, there was like there was just all this like there was like just a number of this little like little things you would get like at the dollar store and the bargain bind Like I mean, it was like, what is this? And I'll never forget, like leaving going, I spent almost one hundred dollars. Now, you could say that my attitude here is wrong, but see, this is what gift giving does, right, because now I'm thinking about how much money I spent and I'm walking out of here with junk. I came in, I threw it to my

27:17 girls and said, hey, did you want any of this that They looked at this and like what is this junk? Dad? They didn't even want it. They didn't even want They were little girls, and they thought it was all done so like it was like it was the most weird you know what. That now, in the person's mind, I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt they thought, oh, this is awesome, this is great. I'm hoping I'm hoping they thought that, or maybe they just didn't care. Either way, the whole thing was I spent almost one hundred dollars and I walked out and I'm not even joking. I bet you they got that for five dollars at the dollar store. And I'm like, wow, I'm so glad we did gift get I could have used that one hundred dollars that I spent for my own kids. I was in the military, enlisted, not making a lot of money, but gift giving. Yeah, it's see how utterly foolish the concept is. There's this mismatch expectations and preference. You have an expectation, there's a preference. It's a mismatch, and what do you end up with? Again, right down that phrase, the dead weight loss of Christmas gift giving is stupid.

28:20 But there's a second issue. The second issue, and this comes from neurolaunch. The second issue is that there's a social pressure and obligation inherently connected to gift giving. Gift giving creates, in many cases a sense of obligation, and it compels recipients that they have to basically give a gift of equal or greater monetary value, and there's kind of an expectation that you must also demonstrate that you have put in equal or greater thought. That's what the whole TikTok video was. Hey, man, you don't just show up on Target on December the twenty third and buy some crap gift. No, no, no, no, You've had three hundred plus days in the year to do. So you need to do better. You need to get better gifts, give it more thought because and then at the end of the video, she goes on to stay for fourteen years, I've been making the Christmas magic happen. So you better do men, you better do equal or greater. So there is an expectation. Not only are you supposed to if you get a gift, you're supposed to give a gift, but you're supposed to give something of equal or greater value, not only from monetary perspective, but also about how much time and thought you've given to it. Now, this can lead to strained relationships, and it can also just be costly and lead to financial stress. I mean, it just can.

29:47 This cycle really transforms a generous act into a burdensome expectation. It detracts from the genuine sentiment intended. In some cases, the pressure basically to give something of equal or greater value. It can lead to competitive gift giving, where individuals feel compelled to match or exceed the value of gifts they receive further exasperating stress and potential financial strain. And it just becomes pressure. It becomes this. And even in the video, she's like, I tell you, I will lose my ever living mind if my husband doesn't give me one of those things that are on my gift. Well, so the husband has to fill the pressure. I cat better make sure I do this. I'm better make sure I do this now. It may not always be that. See, that's the thing with gift giving. Everyone puts on a facade.

30:34 Everyone puts on that Oh it's all wonderful, it's all great, But in any cases it's all such a fraud. Everyone's pretending. So gift giving can be inherently or gift giving leads to problems like mismatch expectations, social pressures, and obligations. Also, there can be cultural and social disparities. Cultural norms, heavily influenced gift giving practices and misunderstandings can arise from individuals from different backgrounds having varying expectations. Additionally, economic disparities can lead to feelings of inadequacy or resentment, especially when individuals cannot afford to give gifts of similar value, potentially leading to social exclusion or embarrassment. That's from the Wall Street Journal.

31:21 It's just there's all this pressure that gets involved in all of it. Now from the Daily Telegraph, they say another problem with gift giving. It perpetuates materialism. See the emphasis on physical gifts can reinforce materialistic values, overshadowing the importance of intangible expressions of appreciation and love. See that woman in the TikTok, She did not see any when she saw those men running around trying to get a last minute gifts. She didn't see a love. She didn't see anything good in that. She just saw lazy, worthless men not doing, not caring enough. And they're giving these crap gifts because who wants a stupid candle? Who wants cheap jewelry? Who wants a stupid blanket?

32:08 Do better? She can't see. Well, they put the kids in the car and they went to get you something. They may come back with something horrible, They may come back with the dumbest thing in the history of mankind. But they got in the car and went somewhere to get something for you. But no, no, no, no, no no no no no no no no. That's good. Now, maybe the men are demonstrating that they've been lazy. Maybe the men have been demonstrating they waited til the last moment. Maybe it wasn't their intention. I mean, do we always have to reduce everything to something being so simplistic? Sometimes things are a little bit more complex. This focus on the materialistic aspects of it leads to an accumulation of unnecessary items.

32:56 How many times people get things and they don't do anything with them, contributing to environmental concerns and detracting from meaningful aspects of relationships. And that's from the Daily Telegraph. Oh, but it can lead to Gift giving also has another possible issue, psychological stress and anxiety. If I can read correctly, psychological stress and anxiety. The pursuit of the perfect gift can induce significant stress and anxiety, both forgivers striving to meet perceived expectations and for recipients who may feel pressured to display gratitude for an unwonted item. You see, the psychological that's all messed up. Now, I understand that because of what happened to me. I've just filled with I mean, I'll have all kinds of anxiety if I got to get a gift, because I'm like, oh, man, it's got to be perfect, it's gonna be stupid, it's gonna be dumb.

33:55 And I just hear and that creates all kinds of anyone then who knows that about my past, then they feel like they have to go, oh, it's the greatest thing in the history of mankind. When they are like, well, this is really stupid. They can't be honest. Nobody can be honest. It's all becomes a game, all becomes a facade, and it just creates psychological stress, anxiety, and a lot of pretending. This dynamic can diminish the joy associated with gifts exchange, turning them into sources of tension. That's from Vox. Now I got more here. We could go to economic inefficiency. But here's the conclusion from all of these different articles.

34:39 While gift giving is deeply embedded in social traditions and can strengthen bonds when executed thoughtfully, it is fraught with challenges that can undermine its intended purposes. Recognizing these issues encourages a shift towards more meaningful and considered expressions of appreciation, focusing on the needs and preferences of recipients, and emphasizing the values of shared experiences over material possessions. But there's another thing inherently wrong here that wasn't listed in any of those articles. Because I kept thinking about this. If we go back to that TikTok video, I'm going to play part of it again. Here we go.

35:25 Unpopular opinion. It is December twenty third. If my husband looks at me at any point today and says, the boys and I are going to run to town we have some airands to run, I will lose my everlasting mind because I just left Target, and Target is full of men and their children who are buying their wives last minute crap gifts. Candles, crappy jewelry, blankets. We don't want that. You have three hundred and sixty four five days of the year to shop for us, get us what we want. I sent Kirk my wish list weeks ago. All right, do you hear all of that? But the part that I want you to really grab onto there.

36:07 I sent him my list six weeks ago. Here it is Kirk. I think his name is Kirk. Here you go, Kirk, here's your wife's list. Go get what's on the list. I think if there's anything about gift giving that is absolutely makes it. Now, if it's for kids, that's okay, all right, kids, give me your gifts. You want this? Okay? Great? They just they're excited to get it. You know, they're going to get something they want. Hopefully it's okay. It's kids, right, So when you're giving gifts for kids, it's a completely whole different dynamic. Everyone can understand that. But when you have adults, you give me your gift list, and I give you my gift list, and then you go get me the gift on my list, and I go give you the gift on Why don't you just go get the gift you want. I'll get the gift I want.

36:56 We'll just call it a day and be done with it. What's the point, I'm gon Ooh you got I got a gift under the tree. Let me open it up. Oh shock, you got me what was on my list? Oh well, I mean the whole thing is so just it's just like a bad Hallmark movie. It's just ridiculous. So when the when I think we I think it's right. I think it's fair to question the logic of gift giving when it involves exchanging predetermined list. It does seem counterintuitive and in many ways it undermines the traditional intent of gift giving. So here's some possible reasons why this approach I think is just absolutely absurd. Number one, there's a lack of surprise and personal effort. The act of giving a gift is tradition traditionally seen as demons as a demonstration of thoughtfulness, creativity, and emotional connection. When a person is handed a list of all these, all these elements are essentially removed. Look, if you give me a list of what you want, listen, there's no thoughtfulness, there's no creativity, there's no emotional connection. I'm just gonna go buy what's on the It's like getting a shopping list.

38:10 It's ridiculous. It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life. Star It's the what's the point. At that point, the giver becomes a little more than a middleman and a transaction. The recipient could have completed themselves. The person giving the list and it just went and got it themselves. Hold them here, here, hemy HEMI your list. Okay, oh wait, well okay, give me a second, take a step back. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna. I'm just gonna type something here on my iPad Amazon dot com. All right, all right, yeah, okay, oh yeah, you're getting Yeah, i'll be I'll be looking for these. I'll make sure I get you something great. It's here. Just hand them the iPad, order it yourself. It's stupid. It's a it's a lack of there's no surprise, there's no personal effort, and not only that, misses an opportunity for any emotional expression. Gift giving conservetives a way to express understanding, care or a shared experience. By outsourcing the decision to a list, the act becomes transactional, not relational. It's just a trans You give me the list, I go purchase it, and I give it to you. It's there's nothing, there's no there's no emotional, there's no relational. It's just a it's so such a waste of time. All right, Yeah, I got more here. I could I could look at but I'm just I'm just gonna I'm gonna get aah. I did

39:40 ask ai what would be an alternative to this kind of concept. Well, if the goal is simply to get the things you want, self grit gifting seems like a far more efficient and satisfying solution, right, Hey, look, instead of doing this whole list thing, how about do that then you just get you do self gifting. Right, You'll get what you want, so AI said, you know exactly what you want, so go get it. You know the budget, and you know the time to purchase according to your knees. You know when you want it, you know how much money you have or don't have. Go get it. You can avoid the social awkwardness of disappointment that comes with unmet expectations. You don't have to worry about any you don't have to pretend you just you know what you're gonna get, and you go get it for yourself. You can get it when you want it. You can do whatever you want. In this sense, handing someone a list and expecting them to execute it almost seems like a needless layer of complexity and what could otherwise be a straightforward process of self care and indulgence. It makes no sense at all all Right, So what if we look at gift giving from a more biblical and philological perspective, And I'll go through some of this relatively fast because I think we can if we try to look at this from a more biblical perspective, this is theology central.

41:03 From a theology perspective, you can see that inherently the way the whole gift giving concept is structured, it's just foolishness. It's just it is, you give and I'm supposed to give to you. Well, why don't you just get get what you want and I get what I want and then we're both happy, Like like what why if we're going to give based on you giving me a list and I give you a list, that's just a waste. That's just all of it is just foolish. It's illogical, it's materialistic, it's dumb, there's no there's there's it's not relational, it's it's transactional. The whole thing is just problematic. But if we look at it from a biblical perspective, gift giving is supposed to be an expression of love and gratitude. I think we can all know we I think we can all state this verse. For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, the love, then the giving. The giving is a demonstration or an expression of that love. For God so love that he gave, the giving is an expression of that love. The gift should express love, not an expectation of getting something back.

42:17 James one. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of life. It's James one point seventeen. This seems to remind us that all we have is a gift from God prompting gratitude and generosity towards others. So all that we have comes from God, and we should find gratitude for that. Yes, but it comes from God because for God so loved the world, it's an expression of his love. So if we're going to give, it should be an expression of love. If But here's the thing with us as human beings, our gift giving typically captures really the essence of our sinful nature because we give with an expectation of That's one of the things about when you have kids and you get kids Christmas presents, you're not expecting anything in return.

43:05 You just want them to enjoy themselves, have fun. You're showing them their love and gratitude. There's kind of a purity in that right, But in many other aspects it turns into I give, I get, I give I get, And sometimes that's what our human beings love. In many cases is I love because of what I'm getting from it. Rarely do we love. We love with an expectation of I'm gonna be treated this way, this is gonna happen, this is gonna happen, this is gonna happen, this is gonna happen. And if I don't get those things, then well then you know what's love got to do with it? Right? I mean, all of a sudden you start becoming teena turner. Okay, well I'm not misrepresenting the meaning of that song, but you get the idea. But we have a tendency to love to get. We have a love for what we get from it. But gift giving is supposed to be expression of love and gratitude without any for Gods to love the world, that He gave his only begun son should reflect the love and gratitude we have experienced from God.

44:04 Now we could say we give as an expression because we give because we have been given. We've been given all these wonderful things from God. Salvation life, and so we give as an expression of our gratitude from God. Maybe you could look at it from that particular case. Some would argue that this stoological motivation is crucial. Gift giving should not be transactional, but an overflow of God's love and blessings in our life. We give because of what God has done for us. I am giving to others as an expression of my gratitude for God. I'm showing God because you have given me so much, I'm going to give to others freely. I have received so freely I give. Is a more correct and accurate way. I was trying to cite that concept and not cite it correctly. But that's a more correct way of saying. Freely, you have received, so freely you give. The motivation you give to others is because of what you have received from God. The more you are aware of what you have received from God, the more you may be motivated to give to others. But that's more of a thiological concept.

45:10 A second idea of gift giving from a theological perspective is gifts as a means of worship. Matthew two eleven. The magi brought gifts of gold Fran sense of murder to honor the Christ child. Now can you give a gift to other people and an act of worship to God? You're demonstrating in a sense you're worshiping God. I worship you and all that you've done for me. By giving what I have been, what I have been blessed with to someone else, you have blessed me. So I give I have received freely, So I give to someone else as an act of worship. And please not when the magi brought the gifts, they weren't looking for anything in return Psalm ninety six eight. Bring an offering and come into his courts. Gifts can symbolize worship and acknowledgment of God's worthiness. Now you can give gifts that would be something directed towards the kingdom of God. Right, But you can just give as an act of worship. And what you're demonstrating is, I'm giving to you because of what I have received from God. So, in a philological sense, worship is a giving as an act of worship when done with an intent of glorifying God. This can extend to how we give others. We give to others as a reflection of our worship. We give as a reflection of worship worship. We give because of our gratitude and love of what we have been given. Now that's a

46:42 concept we don't usually, probably ever, associate with giving. A third concept of giving from a Biblical perspective is generosity in helping others Tewod Corinthians nine to seven, quoting from the translation I have here in front of me. Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, reluctantly or under a compulsion, For God loves a cheerful giver, Acts twenty thirty five. It is more blessed to give than to receive, Proverbs in nineteen seventeen. Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deeds. Gift giving is often tied to acts of generosity, especially towards those in need. The focus is not on material exchange, but on meeting needs and demonstrating God's love and care. That's the biblical concept.

47:24 You give, not to get, to show generosity, to show support, to show appreciation. You're not doing it to get. You're doing because you've already received, and you're now showing your love, your appreciation, or you're helping someone just to show generosity, and you may be showing generosity, and just think about this from a biblical perspective. When you give to someone who can't return the gift, can't return to you anything equal or even close, but they may not ever be able to give you anything back. That really captures the essence of Christianity. Because God gave his son, and what are you ever going to re turn to him? You're never gonna You're never gonna give anything of equal or greater value, are you. He gave up his precious son to suffer and die for you. Now, because you've received that salvation that comes from Jesus, you should then be willing to give to others. And you give not because you get anything back, because you're doing it as an act of worship and showing your gratitude for what God has given you, and you're showing that you're caring and compassionate and giving to someone else. Also, when you give, from a biblical perspective, what you're trying to do is you're trying to demonstrate something other than a materialistic or selfish perspective. Right if you have something and you go give it to someone else. You're you're demonstrating that you're that you're this material money is not as important to you because you're giving it to someone else. You're you're showing that you're not being materialistic. You're showing that you're

48:56 not being selfish, you're selfish, you're being self less. Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, but lay up for yourself treasures in heaven. Matthew six. For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. When you give, you take what's yours, and you give to someone else. That's the opposite of materialism or selfishness. See the spirit of giving should be It arises out of a spirit of love. It arises out of a spirit of generosity. It arises out of a spirit of worship, not obligation, guilt, or some kind of societal pressure. That's why if someone gives gifts to a ministry, you want them to do so because they want to because of their appreciation or whatever, not out of obligation or guilt, or or you manipulated them to do so. Some of a biblical perspective, the act of giving must be rooted in the right motivation, love, worship, gratitude, a desire to glorify God, a desire to help someone else, compassion. It's motivation matters from a philological perspective. From a thiological perspective,

50:29 gift giving is more relational. It's not transactional. Gift giving is not about material exchange, but fostering relationship and reflecting God's grace. When you give, you're reflecting God's grace. You should be giving not out of a sense of obligation, but you are called to give freely, cheerfully, thoughtfully, without succumbing to societal pressure or materialistic values. And whether through an act of charity or symbolic gestures, giving should honor God and point others to him. That's the philological concepts behind it. Now, I could have broken it down a little bit better, but I've kind of handed that to you and you can do as you would like with that.

51:13 For God's to love the world that he gave his only begotten son. That is giving in a truly and grace is us receiving what we do not deserve and what we cannot earn. Everything about grace, salvation, all of it is about I can't do anything. I can't earn this. I can't deserve this, I can't repay it. Nothing. Well, we should be so overwhelmed with God's gift, God's generosity, God's love, God's Son, that when we give, we do so in an act of worshiping, of worshiping God and reflecting our gratitude for what God has done for us, but now giving to others, demonstrating to others. Not a materialistic mindset that sounds all great and easy. It's wonderful to point out all the theological truth. How to do it practically?

51:59 I have no clue, don't know if it will ever work, but there you go. It all started with this. It's all started with this. Let me play it one more time. It all started with this TikTok video that's now gone viral over a million views. Here we go, unpopular opinion. It is December twenty third. If my husband looks at me at any point today and says, the boys and I are going to run to town. We have some errands to run, I will lose my everlasting mind because I just left Target, and Target is full of men and their children who are buying their wives last minute crap gifts, candles, crappy jewelry blankets.

52:42 We don't want that. You have three hundred and sixty four five days of the year to shop for us, get us what we want. I sent Kirk my wish list six weeks ago, so help me God. If I don't get something off that wish list and all I get is crappy candles and blankets from Target, I will lose my everlasting mind. Maybe the whole concept of gift giving the way it plays out is stupid. I'm not saying we can't turn it into something good, but man, we need maybe we need to really rethink it. Thanks for listening, God bless