Ep91 Deborah Southgate - Overcome Your Biggest Challenges (Turn Them Into Projects)

00:00:00:00 - 00:00:02:16
Jason Croft
Deborah Southgate, welcome to the show.

00:00:02:18 - 00:00:05:08
Deborah Southgate
Thank you very much. Thank you for having me.

00:00:05:10 - 00:00:26:04
Jason Croft
absolutely. Fellow big year for those are the. For those who know, they know Brave builders group. So great to connect in in there and through there and in job again and I've just met some of the most amazing people including yourself in that group so I'm ecstatic to be there.

00:00:26:07 - 00:00:32:22
Deborah Southgate
Likewise. Likewise. It's a great group of people and so it's really great to have this opportunity to come and talk with you.

00:00:32:25 - 00:00:57:07
Jason Croft
Yes, indeed. And, you know, I'm excited because, you know, we had our first call to understanding what you're doing and how you're helping folks with this. The idea that what I really want to jump in and talk about today is this idea of how you're applying this project management approach to help people in their personal lives through, you know, to change, to grow.

00:00:57:07 - 00:01:28:21
Jason Croft
And it's just such a great approach to it that I honestly don't hear people talking about it. It makes so much sense, certainly for me. So I'm really excited to dig into to that topic for the audience here. But I also want to give folks some background on you as we as we lead into that so they understand where you're coming from, certainly on the corporate side of things and what what's brought you here to coaching people now and helping them on this on their journeys in this capacity.

00:01:28:21 - 00:01:38:14
Jason Croft
So. So where did this you know, what was your your background before kind of jumping in to helping people one on one and groups and all of that?

00:01:38:16 - 00:02:05:27
Deborah Southgate
So if I go back to the probably the start of my story started on my 29th birthday. So all my 29th birthday, I had more than a bit of a panic. I had this real crisis that I was suddenly only one year off from from 30. And I had all of these things on my list that I thought that I should be achieving by the time I'm 30.

00:02:05:27 - 00:02:28:08
Deborah Southgate
So these were things like I wanted to find the right partner, get married, maybe start a family, move to the right place in my career, get the salary I thought I should be on, maybe buy a house. All of those kind of big life milestones. I think I'd spent a lot of my twenties thinking I was going to get to be 30, and I realized that 29.

00:02:28:09 - 00:02:56:20
Deborah Southgate
All of a sudden I was nowhere near achieving any of those things. I was a long way off and I really didn't know how I was going to get to them, much less achieve them by the time I turned 30. And so what happened after that was this combination of a few things that they kind of threw at me that got in my way, and also me making some really panicked decisions about how I was going to get to the right place.

00:02:56:23 - 00:03:16:14
Deborah Southgate
So the big thing that sat through me was actually a car crash that I was involved in, which left me in a lot of pain. And whilst I could still walk, I couldn't walk very far. I couldn't stand up for very long. I couldn't sleep very well. Just just chronic pain for a long time and no real pathway out.

00:03:16:15 - 00:03:45:16
Deborah Southgate
No, no way out of that. And in the context of me then having this panic about where I was in life at the time and what I was or wasn't achieving, I then started to make some really bad decisions for myself. So I started sad instead of thinking about what was the right thing for me and what was the best way of going about achieving these things, I was more kind of like, What's the quickest route to get to taking these things off my list?

00:03:45:18 - 00:04:06:03
Deborah Southgate
And so for me, that involved things like staying in the relationship that I was in. That was the wrong relationship for me because that was the quickest route to apparently taking that box of of getting married. And I also made a really bad decision about work. So I received this job offer to get the step helped salary package.

00:04:06:03 - 00:04:26:10
Deborah Southgate
And I thought, Yeah, this is it. This is going to take that box. And it was it was a bad move for me. It was a bit of a toxic workplace for me personally. It was it was just a bad decision. And so everything started to unravel a bit for me. So my my physical health was really had gone really downhill.

00:04:26:10 - 00:04:47:10
Deborah Southgate
I wasn't able to exercise. I didn't know how to get out of this chronic pain. That was lots of appointments with physios and chiropractors and eventually a surgeon and some keyhole surgery. And that got to a place where they said, Look, we can't do anything for you. You have this for life. Now. So that was the sort of the physical pain routes.

00:04:47:13 - 00:05:12:02
Deborah Southgate
And then with work, my stress was building and building my marriage. That I got into the wrong marriage then broke down. I ended up separating. And when things got to their worst point, I had, it was it was it was work that kind of pushed me over the edge. My my stress was getting worse and worse. Anxiety was building.

00:05:12:04 - 00:05:39:03
Deborah Southgate
That then turned into regular panic attacks at work. And I and I hit a point where I got signed off from work due to stress and anxiety, and I ended up off work actually for for six months because of that. So it was quite, quite a major break in my career at that point. And during that time off, I had to really kind of take a look at myself and go and I just felt like I'd really failed.

00:05:39:05 - 00:06:03:16
Deborah Southgate
I'd failed at marriage, I'd failed my job, which probably meant I was failing up my career. Or did it mean that I wasn't sure? I just really felt like I'd failed myself with my my mental and my physical house. And I was really just failing at life was how I felt at the time. And so I wasn't going to sit there forever.

00:06:03:16 - 00:06:09:07
Deborah Southgate
I was kind of like, How am I going to bring myself? How am I going to get out of this? How am I going to bring myself back?

00:06:09:07 - 00:06:26:14
Jason Croft
what we're I'm excited to get into is is how you got out of that, because, my goodness, to be in this place and everything. What what do you think it was that had all those boxes that you felt needed to get checked? Was that just in general? I mean, it's logical, right?

00:06:26:14 - 00:06:48:09
Jason Croft
Because we hear that all the time and we're inundated. Was it direct messaging? You know, from when you grew up like this is when you should do this and this and this? Or was it just this compilation of all of the inputs that you had just decided that these things should happen at this at this time?

00:06:48:11 - 00:07:15:17
Deborah Southgate
I think it was it was a combination. So I think that there's a little bit of the fact that we get, say when we when we really young children, we get indoctrinated into this philosophy that when we do certain things we will leave. And the phrase that we always hear is when then they lived happily ever after. And so we re we believe that when we you know, when we find the man and we get married, for example, then we'll all live happily ever after.

00:07:15:17 - 00:07:47:03
Deborah Southgate
So I think this a bit of an indoctrination when we're very impressionable, that if we can just hit the hit the gold, then the rest of life will be good. And then you come through a school system that is driven by, you know, achieve the great yet good tick in the box, you know, achieve the qualification good tick in the box and and you kind of go through like that and then you come out of the education system with that, you know, for that that concept further cemented in there into the world of work.

00:07:47:03 - 00:08:18:04
Deborah Southgate
And then I think the natural thing is to especially if you're, you know, an achiever, you know, from an education system perspective, you apply that to the world of work. And so you go, okay, what's the next goal in terms of work, whether that's promotions, job titles, salaries, etc. And then you apply the societal expectations of the fact that we expect to you know, certainly when I was that age, I felt it was a real expectation to to find the man, get married and start a family.

00:08:18:06 - 00:08:38:23
Deborah Southgate
So there was the the societal thing then by that point and also looking around at what your peers are doing and seeing friends and family and other people of similar age. And that's what they're all doing. And, you know, we do all do the comparison thing. That's how we navigate, navigate our way through the world, isn't it? We sort of look around at what we see.

00:08:38:23 - 00:08:57:10
Deborah Southgate
We compare to what we know about ourselves. And we, you know, we all want to fit in and do what everybody else is doing. So I think it's probably that combination of things, which I never thought so deeply about back then. At the time I just thought, I need to, you know, I've got this list on. I got to take them a low.

00:08:57:16 - 00:09:18:02
Jason Croft
Yeah. And, and there's, there's a certain degree on, on shoulds that are there that we, we put in place for ourselves but also like I'm sure there's there, there's a good amount of just like, I want that again especially seeing your peers around you and do that. It's not that just like, I don't really want that at all and I don't have it in.

00:09:18:02 - 00:09:49:15
Jason Croft
I should be there. It's just like, Well, no, like I want that, you know, I want that. And it's then having that that's so amazing to have the discussion around all of this so much now is because it just to let everyone know at all ages the throw the shoulds away and that it's it's okay you know there's not this set timeline here.

00:09:49:17 - 00:10:08:26
Deborah Southgate
It's so much pressure, isn't it? It's it. And when I when I explain it, when I when I tell the story from from my end to myself, I look back and go, why so much pressure on myself? Why is it not why did it not feel okay at that point in time to go? I'm on my own path in life.

00:10:08:26 - 00:10:30:05
Deborah Southgate
I'm taking my own journey through life. It doesn't have to be the same as everybody else's. The timeline doesn't need to be the same and the milestones don't need to be the same. And you know, I know that now. I've done that the hard way. But but it's really hard when when you're that age, you're still trying to fit in very much and and find your way in life.

00:10:30:05 - 00:10:41:26
Deborah Southgate
And I think at that age, in your twenties particularly, it's very difficult to to see, to see through that and to take a different decision for yourself.

00:10:41:28 - 00:11:00:12
Jason Croft
yeah, big time. I mean, we all I think that's what we all sort of smile in life looking back at that. So yeah, it's I know for me growing up I always thought, you know, like all I want or have kids young, you know, and, and like my mum had me, it's like early twenties have that. my goodness.

00:11:00:12 - 00:11:52:12
Jason Croft
Thank goodness that didn't I think, you know, looking back I barely got an inkling of who I was. It, you know, 29 when that started, much less the way earlier. And so I'm excited to to continue the the narrative in the timeline here of of now you're in this and you realize you can't just stay here and so walk us through that for sure and and although you wouldn't have designed it this way by any means, I think there may be there was there was something really beneficial to all the areas collapsing, you know, that if if it was just work that was coming down, but you had these other things going, you may have

00:11:52:14 - 00:12:07:11
Jason Croft
tried to just keep scratching this one out. You know, I've got enough energy when it would health and relationship and work when they all come crumbling down for food. You know, then it's just you're kind of forced to go, okay I really.

00:12:07:13 - 00:12:31:04
Deborah Southgate
Need it's like this the I often use the with people the table legs analogy that that you know if you're table X a kind of health career and finances relationship and home you can pull one of those table legs out and you'll probably be okay. But once you start pulling two or more of them out, then you know the table ain't going to stay up at that point.

00:12:31:04 - 00:12:56:14
Deborah Southgate
And and certainly that was that was the place I got to. And and, you know, in hindsight, maybe, maybe I needed to get to that point to to to really kind of get on the off again. But, you know, so I kind of I'll continue the story that the I sort got to this rock bottom place where I was, you know, signed off from work.

00:12:56:17 - 00:13:19:05
Deborah Southgate
You know, I was having to work out how am I going to I'm going to pay for my home. I you know, my I wasn't with my husband anymore. I was living on my own. I wasn't working. And what I decided to do, I was like, well, something has to be different. Something has to give. So there was a lot of in the work in terms of I've got to accept what's happened to me.

00:13:19:07 - 00:13:42:06
Deborah Southgate
I've got to accept that life isn't fair, that we're not all equal, that different things happen to us and stop comparing myself to other people and go, This is my journey. I'm on my route and how can I go forward from here? And so what I started to do is think about what did I know from my professional life?

00:13:42:06 - 00:14:02:25
Deborah Southgate
So my professional career as a project manager, what could I bring from that? And that was that was successful and apply that to this situation. And what I realized that there was kind of to the two key things that I brought from the professional world. I looked at what I was doing in terms of project management on that.

00:14:02:28 - 00:14:28:13
Deborah Southgate
One is that with with project management, doesn't matter the type of company, whether and what industry you're in, whether whether it's telecoms or manufacturing or retail or whether I was working in the charity sector or the government or the private sector, there's about three methodologies that are generally used across all of these different types of companies, and they all come across them.

00:14:28:15 - 00:14:56:04
Deborah Southgate
The processes and the structure that you use to work in across those, all sorts of different industries, all sorts of different types of projects. The processes are the same. And I thought, well, what if I could bring these processes similarly personal life? Because the second factor about the project management methodologies was that projects always deliver a project, never not delivers.

00:14:56:08 - 00:15:15:07
Deborah Southgate
It doesn't mean that there's no lumps and bumps in the road, that there's not curveballs that get thrown in, but you always get to the end goal with the project. You manage a project in such a way that you will always achieve what you want to achieve. And so those two factors, me, were really compelling that I wanted to bring that to my personal life.

00:15:15:09 - 00:15:52:14
Deborah Southgate
And so I took my understanding, my, my kind of in-depth understanding of these, these three main methodologies that are used in business. And I started doing lots of learning about how to manage my emotions, about self-awareness, about self-development and things like an LP, neuro linguistic programing. And I brought that knowledge and that information to my knowledge of the processes and the methodology and started to create an approach for myself, which was how I was going to manage my life to get to the places that I wanted to go.

00:15:52:16 - 00:16:21:17
Deborah Southgate
And so what happened then as a result was that everything started to go on the up. It all started instead of going downwards and spiraling downwards in the wrong direction as it had done everything started to go in the right way. So I got on top of my physical health issues. I found a way forward with that. I learned how to manage my anxiety and my stress and and really take charge of my emotional regulation.

00:16:21:19 - 00:16:48:05
Deborah Southgate
I set up a business at that time, so I was starting to do the project management work that I was so passionate about for corporate clients. So I set up a project management business, my career. Then, you know, that went well. The business took off and so career was going well. I met a really great man that we you know, we stepped slowly through the steps of our relationship, but we ended up getting married.

00:16:48:05 - 00:17:14:00
Deborah Southgate
So I'm now married second time around, and I'd say it's a very happy marriage. So everything kind of came good. Then, I'm pleased to say, by using these processes and consistently applying them for myself. And so what then happened was I had a, you know, few years where everything just just really well, to be honest and, you know, business was good, relationship was good, and this health was really good.

00:17:14:00 - 00:17:46:08
Deborah Southgate
I'm exercising all the rest of it. And then and then of course, we got to the pandemic. So the pandemic hit in 2020 and, you know, obviously everybody suffered the pandemic in one way or another. But and it did hit my business to a certain extent. But for me, it was a real opportunity to just stop and see where I was at in life and go, do I want to continue down this path, you know, and for how long?

00:17:46:08 - 00:18:05:06
Deborah Southgate
And actually I kind of said, Well, I don't really want to be doing the same work for another 20 years of my career or however long it might be I might still be working for. I still got some big things that I want to achieve for myself. I've got more to offer to the world. I've got more that I want to give.

00:18:05:09 - 00:18:28:23
Deborah Southgate
And when I sat down and had a good think about that, I thought rather than just doing this corporate work to really help these big businesses, I want to work with individuals more. I want to work with people on a one on one basis and help impact people's lives. And so when I saw and it it probably sounds more obvious where we're going to now, knowing what you know about me, but it took me a little bit of time to go, hang on a minute.

00:18:29:00 - 00:18:52:00
Deborah Southgate
What if I took what had been project me for all those years and productized that in a kind of cookie cutter way that I can go? Well, let's turn this into a project You so that I can help other people do that and give them the cookie cutter approach that they they can then take to use in their own life.

00:18:52:03 - 00:19:15:12
Deborah Southgate
And that was that was really where it came from. And so I started then working with people one on one. So in terms of coaching them, I would tighten through my process. And I also have an online training course where I just teach what the process is so that people can do it themselves. But essentially that was kind of where I got to, to, to that place, to that step.

00:19:15:15 - 00:19:16:17
Deborah Southgate
So yeah.

00:19:16:24 - 00:19:49:03
Jason Croft
Yeah, that's, yeah, that's so great too. And I love this approach and, and really what I wanted to do did get to have this deeper conversation about it because it's such a, it gives you a foothold in that depth of both. Not to be too dramatic, but that depth of despair. Right. That that what feels like, you know the bottom and just like okay everything to get out of all of these areas of your life to to move forward.

00:19:49:03 - 00:20:20:26
Jason Croft
And all of them seem so overwhelming and so daunting. It even just one of those can be that can feel like I don't even know where to begin. It gives you this great approach to it. You haven't have a little foothold, right? Like one step forward, both in what to do, but also in a mindset like you described when you can disconnect.

00:20:20:28 - 00:20:42:26
Jason Croft
me and I'm in all my hang ups and like and what I loved from our first conversation, as you described is like, we'll know you treat this as a project, you know, not to be cold about it or not to, you know, not to acknowledge how painful it may be in the moment. But when you can take it and put it over here and go, this is a project, and now how do we organize this project?

00:20:42:28 - 00:20:51:06
Jason Croft
Wow, You can just mentally get the wherewithal to take that first step, too.

00:20:51:08 - 00:21:14:10
Deborah Southgate
Yeah. And I think also often when you're in that sort of position and it doesn't need to be about what part in place that I was even just like you say, one of those areas, you can easily just feel stuck. You get stuck where you are because it seems overwhelming the difference between where you are now and where you want to be can feel like a long way away.

00:21:14:10 - 00:21:37:22
Deborah Southgate
And when you look at the distance between the two, it's really difficult to know how you're going to bridge that gap. And so having the process I find instead of instead of like it's from here to the top of the skyscraper that I'm trying to get to, actually, it's just the first step in the building. And then we'll get to the first story and then we'll take the next step and then we'll get up to the second story.

00:21:37:22 - 00:22:00:16
Deborah Southgate
It, you know, having a process there really guides you to just do the first things first and worry about the next things next, rather than trying to do everything at once. You know, it's like the it's the old adage about how do you eat the elephant, you know, one bite at a time, because it's too much to think about how you're going to eat the whole thing.

00:22:00:16 - 00:22:20:05
Deborah Southgate
It was not that I'm suggesting people should eat elephants, obviously, but you take my point. I think having a process gives you something to come back to, especially when maybe you do get those calf bowls and there's things that come along and things don't go quite as you expected. A step back to the process. Okay, where am I going next?

00:22:20:12 - 00:22:39:25
Deborah Southgate
It's not a case that you give up. Then try a different tactic or go back to the route that you set out. You know, you've got your plan in place, so it really just gives a lovely sort of catch all net that sits underneath things that you want to do that you can come back to when life gets difficult.

00:22:39:25 - 00:22:49:28
Deborah Southgate
And so it really keeps you in control and guiding it. But with the supportive process behind you.

00:22:50:01 - 00:23:31:18
Jason Croft
And I think it's great to have this, but it's already especially a solopreneur, but any kind of entrepreneur out on their own, they associate anything like getting more sales, you know, having a better offer, putting more systems in place, all of this stuff as in true integrally, you know, tied into themselves, their own self-worth. And so I think any of these areas in business that we can apply this methodology that you're talking about really helps with that emotional side of things, too, to disconnect your self-worth, right.

00:23:31:18 - 00:23:49:09
Jason Croft
From how well your business is doing or this particular project is doing because it's so easy to hear a no on a sales call and like, why don't they like me? You know, especially if it's your own, if it's you and you're selling, you're coaching or you're selling your consulting. And when you can take this approach and just, okay, well, no, this is data.

00:23:49:10 - 00:24:07:18
Jason Croft
They said no. So that's data I on that call. I mean, get as much data from them as I can. Like, great, So what's what's going on? And then analyze your processing and go through it I think is great. Another thing you said, and I just want to I want to help, I think, clarify for folks to this.

00:24:07:22 - 00:24:31:09
Jason Croft
When you describe the project management inside a corporate, specifically the this idea that, you know, projects don't ever not get done right. They'd like to me to be the outcome that you want it. It may not be the results you wanted, but they always are going to get done. And I think from someone not in in corporate, they go, What do you mean projects Never get some.

00:24:31:12 - 00:24:54:10
Jason Croft
I've started projects all the time and never finished. So I mean, so like that that language thing happens. But it's again, this different approach is very corporate approach because you you think about that you're you're in the middle of a of an organization and you're tasked with a project and you're asked about that along the way. There's never a time you're just like, I decided not to do that one.

00:24:54:13 - 00:25:23:06
Jason Croft
Is there something else you want to look like that Just and that's and I know that's your point with is that's that methodology. And again it's such a great mentor The and you know I'm not in the corporate world not a fan of so many aspects of it this mindset and taking that in I love because it does help it just helps again, separate how I feel today, what I want to do today.

00:25:23:08 - 00:25:45:14
Jason Croft
Like remember, this is the project. This is the step 17 of the project and this is what we're doing regardless of these these other things. So I love that approach and I'd love to. I'd love to if you can share, you know, a little a little deeper in how this manifests, whether that translation looks like. What are some of those steps that you take people through with this overall approach?

00:25:45:16 - 00:26:07:13
Deborah Southgate
Yes, sure. So so so in terms of a kind of overview of the the methodology, the process as it work, so I call it the project due process. So so the starting point of the project is what you would do in a business if you were going to just do a bit of investigation into the background. And on where the first ask came from in the business.

00:26:07:13 - 00:26:24:16
Deborah Southgate
Why is the ask that? And just understanding that a bit and, and really it's it's the only point in my project where there's really a bit of kind of in a and a look a bit backwards to just go where's where's this come from. And so where's the position that you were in at the moment. Where has that come from?

00:26:24:16 - 00:26:48:14
Deborah Southgate
Because everything else about the process is very much focused on going forward. How are you going forward? Where are you at the moment and keeping on moving forward. So the very first step is just that, that little bit of reflection, where does it come from? What is the background to it? And, you know, for example, what might have been getting in the way so far that's been stopping you from getting to to to where you want to go.

00:26:48:14 - 00:27:15:07
Deborah Southgate
And so that might be with self-limiting beliefs. For example, in the personal space, that's a bit of exploration about that. But then it's moving into setting goals and doing that in a really specific way that that supports, you know, from the corporate world a business case, but doing the project. So you wouldn't move forward with the project unless you had an agreed business case that the benefits and the outcomes were going to be worthwhile and what the business wanted to achieve.

00:27:15:09 - 00:27:35:11
Deborah Southgate
And in the same way we go about the process in that way to make sure that the goals so the objectives that you're setting for yourself are actually really what you want and not that thing. The island, which is about doing things that society tells you you should be doing now and making sure that it really is the right goals for you.

00:27:35:13 - 00:27:54:01
Deborah Southgate
And then once that's established, it's about taking specific goals or outcomes that somebody is looking to achieve and starting to break them down and starting to look at, well, what resources might you need to help you? What tasks are you going to have to put in place? What sort of time are you going to have to allocate to doing this?

00:27:54:07 - 00:28:17:04
Deborah Southgate
What are the actions that are needed? What helped might you need from people? And so creating lots of lists and a bit of a kind of big brain dump of everything that might need to be done, that you can think of this sort of early initiation point of the project and then from there moving in to really put some order around that by going, okay, what is the plan going to look like?

00:28:17:04 - 00:28:39:06
Deborah Southgate
And so I normally look at it on three levels with people. So depending on the nature of what that they're looking to focus on, on what they're trying to achieve, I'll start to look at things like what does your typical day look like and what does your typical week like and where are you going to either make changes to that to support the achievement of the things that you want to achieve?

00:28:39:08 - 00:29:04:08
Deborah Southgate
Or where are you going to find the time to do the work that you need to do that you're coming up with? So how you're going to work through this plan? And then the third part of that is also coming up with a plan to work to know, depending on the nature of the the person's project that that I'm working on with, that might be a detailed or a less detailed plan.

00:29:04:08 - 00:29:33:23
Deborah Southgate
But typically what I would do is come up with a now next and later plan. So what are the things that have to be done first before you can do the other things? Those are going to go until now. List What are the first things that you can do and also what is some quick wins that you can do so that you're making headway, so that you're you're making some progress and you can start to to gain some confidence and see some success happening in your project.

00:29:33:25 - 00:29:57:10
Deborah Southgate
And then what needs to follow that, what comes next. And then every thing else goes on the later list. So kind of we're not going to worry about that. So now we've captured it, but we'll come back to it later. And then once we've got that plan, it's about starting to work through it. And then I put in place either a weekly or a fortnightly check point where we do this reflection and it's what what have we done so far?

00:29:57:10 - 00:30:22:17
Deborah Southgate
So making sure that we get the dopamine hits about indulging what we've achieved, of celebrating the successes of what has been done, and then also the learning, what didn't go so well, you know, just because something didn't run completely smoothly. What that's life. That doesn't mean that we're stopping or when we're not going ahead with the project and and kind of go, do we need to make an adjustment?

00:30:22:17 - 00:30:43:21
Deborah Southgate
Have we learned something that we understand now that something else needs to be done that we didn't understand before? And how do we adjust the plan to accommodate that and and then moving forward from there so that we continually come back to going, what have we done? Where can we mark off where we are in the plan, what have we learned and how do we reapply that?

00:30:43:21 - 00:31:03:04
Deborah Southgate
So that thinking then comes in to how we go forward again, and we continue like that until we get to the goal. And at that point, either Parker and celebrate or or if people want to sometimes like for me, I go, Well, what's the next thing for me? What's the next project? Where am I going that with it?

00:31:03:04 - 00:31:09:06
Deborah Southgate
So, yes, that's going to see the the process that I work through so great.

00:31:09:08 - 00:31:38:10
Jason Croft
And it's this wonderful blend to of a really defined process with these customized aspects that are it really depends on who's going through it, what they're trying to achieve. So it really is this blend of, you know, having a path, having the the, the good constraints, Right. I need this, keep me in this. If I want to achieve this outcome, keep me in this lane.

00:31:38:11 - 00:32:01:04
Jason Croft
Right. To get there as quickly as possible. But it's it's human enough to that It's you know, it's like, okay but let's let's take all all of the things, including life, what is going to come up and you know get in your way Like this is a great plan for somebody with our kids and all the time in the world and this and this.

00:32:01:04 - 00:32:17:26
Jason Croft
But, you know, 100%, you you you want to maintain these relationships in your life and this and this. So let's build that in. And I think that's that's such a great aspect and realistic aspect. It's actually going to get somebody to to the other side of that.

00:32:17:28 - 00:32:47:04
Deborah Southgate
Yeah, it's got it's really it's got to be a realistic plan because there's no point in setting yourself up to fail that that doesn't do anybody any favors. And so it really is taking into account what commitments if you got in terms of work and family and following and whatever else is going on in life and what's realistic because and then you set a pace for that plan that really works with with all of that, those other things going on, you know, so that it is a workable plan.

00:32:47:06 - 00:33:12:09
Deborah Southgate
And if it doesn't feel workable, once you start that, it's then it has a you know, it's built into the process to make adjustments to it as you need to. And, you know, we bring in risk management around that. So risk management is obviously very much used in the corporate world. You know, you get people to do the job of risk managers, you know, risk managers, as is a common job in the right type of company.

00:33:12:11 - 00:33:35:01
Deborah Southgate
But I bring risk management into this because it is absolutely an integral part of project management and it absolutely applies in the in the world and in the personal world as well. So, you know, for example, like when I'm trying to manage my weight, if I'm trying to lose a bit of weight, then I have to think, well, what's my big risks with these?

00:33:35:03 - 00:33:59:22
Deborah Southgate
My and for me it's my big risk is like the post-lunch afternoon sugar slump, all my word. Like I am so likely to hit the chocolate at that point. That's my big risk. So I have to go, Well, what are my strategies for minimizing that risk and what am I going to do if that risk occurs? So for me, you know, make sure chocolates out of reach, get it away from me.

00:33:59:28 - 00:34:19:16
Deborah Southgate
If there's a vending machine in the office and I need to not have the cash strapped in it and carry an apple with me to make sure I've got a good alternative. So it's about, you know, just having a really thought through what those risks are and come up with a strategy. And if those risks, what are you going to do with it?

00:34:19:18 - 00:34:38:11
Deborah Southgate
Because I think a lot of the time when when risks actually occur in people's personal development, they go, that's it. I've fallen off the wagon. It's all gone wrong. I'll just stop there. And of course, you never going to get to your goal. If you do it like that, you need to just go now. This is just a bump in the road.

00:34:38:13 - 00:34:59:22
Deborah Southgate
It's just a curve ball. Let's come in. We can still we can manage it and we can carry on. And the risk management element of what I do and how I work with people is really designed to to get people through those bumps in the road and to make sure that that they have those strategies in place to deal with those difficulties as they come up and that they don't just give up at that point.

00:34:59:25 - 00:35:20:10
Jason Croft
And I think it's so great you that you've incorporated that because it's when we when we do this on our own, that's especially if we're we're the entrepreneurial type where we're optimistic. We're we don't look at that stuff. We go, yeah, I'll, I'll deal with it if it comes up or that probably will happen. We look at the best.

00:35:20:10 - 00:35:48:20
Jason Croft
We look at, you know, all the positives. And I love that you kind of hold people to like, let's, let's go through these scenarios right. And really, really pushing through that. And that's why that's one aspect of so many that I think is so great about going through this process with you, with someone who can hold people not just accountable but accountable to wins as well.

00:35:48:20 - 00:36:10:09
Jason Croft
I like you talked about like, no, we're going to stop for a second. What have you done amazingly well these last two weeks, Right. Like, let's look at that. We don't have to, you know, take the day off because of it, you know, But let's acknowledge that like that that process is happening and then have that have that person to bounce off of.

00:36:10:16 - 00:36:39:10
Jason Croft
Okay, This didn't go well. Number one, don't just stop or quit. But now what do I do about it? Or information comes in like, this new opportunity, I could go do this and have someone like you just sit there and go, You could. That's, that's fine. But let's look at this, right? Let's look at it. What that means for what we sat down in the beginning and said, this is the goal, is that no longer the goal because of it, is it?

00:36:39:12 - 00:36:43:07
Jason Croft
Well, let's really let's reassess this whole thing. If that's still the goal.

00:36:43:07 - 00:36:46:20
Deborah Southgate
That's not the process and set the new goal. Yeah.

00:36:46:25 - 00:37:02:04
Jason Croft
Exac actually. And I think that's so powerful that to have have you there to to bounce all of this through and to go like, just come on, like, let's stay right here.

00:37:02:06 - 00:37:18:03
Deborah Southgate
And this also is the point like you say, you have that but you know like that sales cool and that they don't buy like it's not it's not personal and you can just go well, if you've managed that beforehand and you've set yourself well, there's a risk that I'm going to try and sell to somebody and they don't want to buy.

00:37:18:06 - 00:37:38:04
Deborah Southgate
And that's okay. That's allowed. That's all right. You know, and that can be a learning point. You know, it might well be in that case, that well led that this type of person isn't isn't a likely fit for me as a good client, or did I did I miss some signals in that that I'd spent a lot of time on this where I should have shouldn't have done, for example.

00:37:38:06 - 00:38:25:18
Deborah Southgate
So so I think when when things go wrong, there's often, you know, it's the the the the light bulb guide episode. You know what was the famous quote that he says I haven't failed 10,000 times. I've found 10,000 ways not to create a light bulb. I'm You know, they're learning points. And once you can start to position them like that, then when you add that to the kind of the, you know, the pat on the back and the dopamine that you get from from acknowledging those achievements that you're making, and then you can position the mindset around the things that don't work well to be that these are learning points, well, then you going to

00:38:25:22 - 00:38:43:18
Deborah Southgate
be able to keep moving forwards. And so that's why you're going to get to where you want to go because you're going to keep learning and steering yourself. You're going to keep patting yourself on the back and keep your motivation that keep going. And so that's how you get how you got forward and how you get to where you need to go.

00:38:43:21 - 00:39:05:08
Jason Croft
Yeah, that's so great. Who who out there is, you know, your ideal client for for going through this and what are they in the middle of. What's happening to them right now for them to go. I need Deborah right now. You need to go through this. What's describe that that person.

00:39:05:10 - 00:39:29:29
Deborah Southgate
So typically it will be somebody who will identify with a statement of I feel stuck. So it's somebody who feels that they they know they want change. They may or may not know what sort of change they want to make in their life. Right. They might be really aware. I really want to get into a relationship. I don't have one or they might be really where I want a changing career.

00:39:29:29 - 00:39:49:28
Deborah Southgate
I want to improve my career. Or they might just feel a sense that life isn't what I want it to be and I can't quite put my finger on what it is. I've got loads of things going random my head, but the common theme is that they feel stuck and for whatever reason, unable to move forward on their own.

00:39:50:01 - 00:40:06:28
Deborah Southgate
You know, to see if people are able to move forward on their own. And then then great, fantastic. And they will be moving forward themselves. But for people who identify with stuck but wanting something more, then that's where I can help.

00:40:07:00 - 00:40:13:29
Jason Croft
Fantastic. What's the best way for them to reach out to you and get that get that help, at least get that process started?

00:40:14:01 - 00:40:29:06
Deborah Southgate
To send the best place to get hold of me is my website. So that's WW W dot Deborah Southgate dot com or you can also follow me on Instagram. I am the Deborah Southgate.

00:40:29:09 - 00:40:42:16
Jason Croft
Fantastic Deborah thank you so much for for being on and sharing this and I just I love your approach to this and I'm excited to see so many people being helped by its in by you.

00:40:42:18 - 00:40:45:10
Deborah Southgate
Yeah. Thank you so much for having me on.

00:40:45:13 - 00:40:54:21
Jason Croft
Absolutely. And we'll see you all next time.