Tessa Afshar: Dream Encounter, Faithful God

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Hey friends and welcome to her God story where

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you will always hear stories to encourage and

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inspire you in your walk with the Lord I'm your

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host Jodie Chiricosta ministry leader at somebody

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cares America International Author and fellow

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traveler on this journey with Jesus and I am

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so glad you joined me today Before we go on,

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I want to take a moment to thank those of you

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who faithfully support the Widow and Orphan Fund.

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Your generosity enables us to extend tangible

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expressions of God's love to some of the most

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vulnerable women and children around the world.

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Our most recent assistance has gone to help widows

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in Kenya who would be destitute without a helping

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hand that's allowed them to start micro business

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to support themselves. Scripture tells us that

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caring for widows and orphans reflects the very

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heart of God. So thank you for helping. And if

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you'd like to join us in this noble effort, simply

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join by visiting HerGodStory .org and click on

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Help Now. Together we are living out God's faithfulness

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in action. And as we'll hear today, God is faithful.

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He's faithful to pursue us, even in dreams. He's

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faithful to reveal Himself, faithful to heal

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what is broken, faithful to set our feet on the

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path He's prepared for us. In Lamentations 3,

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22 -23, in the NIV version, the author recounts,

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And in Psalm 40, verse 2, also in the NIV, David

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declares, and gave me a firm place to stand.

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That is what our faithful God does. He calls

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us to Himself, sometimes gently, sometimes persistently.

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He meets us in confusion, in longing, in intellectual

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seeking. He heals wounds we don't even know we're

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shaping us. And then in His mercy, He establishes

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our steps. While we're walking through our early

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years, our education, our cultural experiences,

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Even seasons of questioning or transition, it

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may not feel like a masterpiece in the making.

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It can feel uncertain and disjointed, even confusing.

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But over time, we begin to see that nothing was

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random. God was weaving together threads we didn't

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even know would matter one day. Our background,

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our intellectual diversity, our cultures we've

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lived in, the questions we've wrestled with.

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I love Psalm 3723. You've heard me quote it before

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in this podcast. The NLT version tells us the

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Lord directs the steps of the godly and he delights

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in every detail of our lives. Even though we

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can't see the road clearly, he's establishing

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it. Even when we feel rooted and stretched between

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worlds, he's steady and intentional. And we cling

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to his promise from 1 Thessalonians 524, the

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one who calls us is faithful. He will do it.

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I was introduced to today's guest by a friend

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and I was immediately captivated not simply by

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her accomplishments, which are many, but by the

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unmistakable thread of God's faithfulness running

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through her life. Hessa Afshar is a prolific

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author of both fiction and non -fiction with

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books that have impacted readers around the world.

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She holds a master's degree of divinity reflecting

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her deep commitment to study and understand God's

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word. For several years, she served in leadership

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in both women's ministry and prayer ministry

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at two different churches, investing personally

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in the spiritual growth of others and faithfully

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shepherding women in their walk with the Lord.

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She's also a wife, and she and her husband make

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their home in the New England area. But beyond

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the degrees, the leadership roles, and the published

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works, what stands out most is her deep love

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for Jesus and her gratitude for the faithful

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God who pursued her healed her, and established

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her steps. Grab a cup of coffee. You are going

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to love her testimony. Tessa, we're so honored

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to have you with us today. Welcome to Her God

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Story. Thanks, Jodie. It's such a pleasure to

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be with you and your listeners today. As we begin,

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would you take us back to your early years and

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tell us a little about your family background,

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the culture you grew up in, and what shaped your

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approach to life, and even your understanding

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of faith in God? Yeah, Jodi, you know, my life,

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I think is not sort of your typical background

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that you come across every day because I grew

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up in the Middle East. I lived there the first

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13 and a half years of my life. My parents were

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nominal Muslims. So my mom, for example, didn't

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wear the hijab. She didn't cover her hair. They

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didn't pray five times a day and they didn't

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keep the five tenets of Islam. They believed

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in God, but they weren't a practitioners of Islam.

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My dad was a doctor and later on and many years

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later, he also became a follower of Jesus. But

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when I grew up in our home, we didn't really

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believe in kind of a religion that could possibly

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connect humanity to God in any special way. I

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grew up with the understanding that all religions

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were the same and they were basically a construction

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of the human mind, of human need. So I never

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had a sense that Christianity was set apart in

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any particular way. The way Islam did influence

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my life at that time was Islam is a religion

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of, it's basically empty of grace and it's full

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of expectation. And even to the end of your life,

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there are these scales where what you're able

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to accomplish is on one side, that was good.

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And on the other side, whatever was bad that

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you accomplished is on the other side of the

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scale. And that is what determines your ultimate

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destiny. So there's nothing about a God who in

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his grace could possibly make a difference in

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your life. And so the culture that I grew up

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in, the worldview that influenced my life and

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my understanding of life and of myself, of my

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identity, was a culture of achievement. So life

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really was very much up to you, which doesn't

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leave a whole lot of room for grace, doesn't

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leave a whole lot of room for mistakes, for failures,

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because it all comes down to you, which later

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in my life was something that I had to process,

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something that I had to work through. Yeah, that's

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a lot of pressure. to think everything, everything

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falls on your shoulders. You know, your teenage

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years, they were marked by some major changes

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in your life. Some of them were good, and some

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of them were really very difficult. They impacted

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your heart and your direction for a long time.

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Share about that season and how it influenced

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how you saw yourself, your identity, and also

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your spiritual journey. So Jodie, when I was

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13 and a half, my parents were divorced and my

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mom, my sister and I ended up moving to England.

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I started attending a boarding school for girls.

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And in that move, I'm sort of going through it

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very quickly, but in real life, that move represented

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a whole lot of loss, a depth of loss that's hard

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to really describe because I lost my country.

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I lost my extended family. I lost my friends.

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I lost my language. I lost my food, my dog. And

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worst of all, I lost my father because when we

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moved, he He was still practicing medicine and

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so he remained behind in the Middle East and

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all of a sudden that daily presence that had

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meant so much to me was lost. And so it's just

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this tremendous sense of loss. Now I want to,

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for a moment, before we go on with the story

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of my life, just stop here for a kind of a peek

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into God's grace, I suppose, a peek into his

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intervention in my life. And I want to say, I'll

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use three places, three examples in my life where

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God redeemed the loss, because as you're listening,

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I don't want you to be like, oh no, there's kind

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of a downer. I want to point out, looking back,

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in the midst of that loss, the first thing that

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I lost That was a big deal was my language. So

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I was actually as a little kid really good in

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literature. It was one of my gifts. I was really

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good at writing and essays and things like that.

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Like my brother was a couple of years ahead of

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me at school. And whenever he had problems, I

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would be with the one who would train him. I

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would be the one who would help him. So, um,

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and I always had this desire was a great reader

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and I always had this desire to write. And now

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all of a sudden I lost. my language, I lost that

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ability to know kind of how to use a language

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to evoke emotion and how to tell stories. I would

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go to school in England and I couldn't even take

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notes in class because I had like school girl

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English and I didn't know enough English to like

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even keep up with regular schoolwork. So you

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can imagine at that point, any of my dreams of

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being a writer, any of my dreams of using the

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gifting of language was basically shelved and

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gone. Fast forward many decades later, and God

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has redeemed that loss by allowing me to be a

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full -time author in the English language. We

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know scientifically that people who learn a language

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after the age of six or seven, you store the

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language in a different part of your brain, and

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it's harder for you to access it. If you're tired,

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if you're stressed, you are going to forget words.

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You don't have the same facility as someone who

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learned the language before the age of seven.

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So in spite of that, in spite of the fact that

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scientifically English is stored in a different

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part of my brain, the Lord has anointed me to

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still use that gifting. And so he redeemed that

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loss and he gave it back to me. He restored to

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me the years the locusts had eaten. The second

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thing I want to tell you is that I lost my country.

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When we first went and I started going to boarding

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school, I was thinking when I'm done with school,

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I'm going to go back. Um, certain events happened

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that made it impossible for us to return. So

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basically it became a permanent, uh, condition

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of me being homeless, but God used that homelessness.

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And I'm not saying that it was immediately easy,

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but God used that homelessness to give me a new

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country. So I am a citizen of America and my

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U S citizenship is an incredible blessing to

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me. If you look at the middle East and the condition,

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the Middle East and just look at Iran, the women

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in Iran, look at the struggle they're having

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right now just trying to gain their independence

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from a very difficult situation. The Lord took

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me from all of that and He planted me in a nation

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where I am free, where I can worship freely,

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where I can live my life without oppression.

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And it's an incredible gift. So at the time,

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it felt like this tremendous loss because I lost

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my culture and what I knew. But all the time,

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the Lord was weaving in place this tremendous

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gift of a new citizenship. citizenship is in

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heaven but I will tell you that my worldly citizenship

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in the US is an incredible gifting so the Lord

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also redeemed that loss. And the very last example

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I want to give you from that season of loss that

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God redeemed was again as I mentioned I left

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my father in the Middle East And it was a tremendous

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loss because he was the parent that got me. You

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know, my parents were both very loving, but I

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don't think my mom could really understand me.

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Like, we were very different people. I think

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she was always like, like, what are you all about?

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Whereas my dad got me and liked me and there's

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just a magic to that. There's a power to that

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when a kind parent looks at you, you know, gets

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your sense of humor, gets your sensitivities,

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gets you and sort of says, I like that. I like

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you. And to have that ripped out of my life and

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for long years because of the separation, later

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on we were restored to one another when he came.

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But those long years were very key years when

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you are sort of in your teen years and like early

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twenties when we were separated. And so I was

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fatherless. There was this wound of fatherlessness.

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But in Christ, I was fathered. And the Lord went

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back to those empty years, to those wounded years

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of fatherlessness, and the Lord began healing

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them by fathering me through the Church, through

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the Word of God, and through the Spirit of God,

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because Jesus is my everlasting Father, and the

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Lord is my Heavenly Father. And in that, you

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know, that supernatural ability to restore that

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fatherlessness. in me was, again, he restored

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the years the locust had eaten. Yeah, but those

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early years, you didn't know all of that. As

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you're going through your teenage years, you

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had that deep sense of rejection and loss and

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confusion. You mentioned so beautifully that

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even though you didn't know God personally at

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that time, He was still at work in your story.

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And you didn't understand it, and a lot of us

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don't sometimes when we're in those dark places

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or thinking, what on earth, God, have you abandoned

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me? But he never does. And in God's faithfulness,

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he brought you to college in the United States,

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where you put down roots, you mentioned you became

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a citizen, you began building your adult life.

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And yet when you came to that, you know, mid

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20s, when kind of our adulthood really hits us

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in the face. It's like, uh -oh, I'm really an

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adult now, right? You found yourself deeply,

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deeply unhappy and searching. Walk us through

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that time and share how God revealed himself

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to you. It's a remarkable story. Thank you. Yeah,

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so At that point, you know, again, so I had this

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deep father wound. And even though my father

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had not meant it like that, it was just the circumstances

00:15:46.389 --> 00:15:49.350
that worked out. The father wound was a wound.

00:15:49.710 --> 00:15:52.509
It worked out as a wound of abandonment, as a

00:15:52.509 --> 00:15:55.830
wound of rejection. And then in my mid -twenties,

00:15:55.850 --> 00:15:58.330
I had this relationship that I was in. It was

00:15:58.330 --> 00:16:01.529
sort of a core relationship in my life. And I

00:16:01.529 --> 00:16:05.730
had built my life around this. And the relationship

00:16:05.730 --> 00:16:09.750
broke down, the relationship basically overnight

00:16:09.750 --> 00:16:14.730
fractured and was taken away. And because my

00:16:14.730 --> 00:16:17.690
whole kind of future and my life plan and everything

00:16:17.690 --> 00:16:21.350
was around this, I didn't know what to do with

00:16:21.350 --> 00:16:24.230
myself. When I thought about the future, I just

00:16:24.230 --> 00:16:26.639
had this... tremendous sense of hopelessness

00:16:26.639 --> 00:16:30.519
because I tried everything in my power to win

00:16:30.519 --> 00:16:34.940
the relationship back, to restore it and nothing

00:16:34.940 --> 00:16:42.460
I did worked. I just, I could not basically restore

00:16:42.460 --> 00:16:45.960
myself in this place, in this person's esteem.

00:16:46.669 --> 00:16:50.309
And so when I thought about my future, I felt

00:16:50.309 --> 00:16:58.730
utterly hopeless. I felt like I had failed. a

00:16:58.730 --> 00:17:01.669
Muslim worldview was at work now because it was

00:17:01.669 --> 00:17:05.589
all up to me. Basically, the thing in my head

00:17:05.589 --> 00:17:08.890
was saying, if I had been good enough, if I had

00:17:08.890 --> 00:17:10.849
been smart enough, if I had been good looking

00:17:10.849 --> 00:17:14.309
enough, if I had been enough, that I would have

00:17:14.309 --> 00:17:16.609
been able to save this relationship. But the

00:17:16.609 --> 00:17:20.009
fact that in the end, again, I had experienced

00:17:20.009 --> 00:17:23.150
this tremendous rejection and abandonment meant

00:17:23.150 --> 00:17:30.339
that it was all me. So my very identity was shattered.

00:17:31.000 --> 00:17:34.660
And so during this time I went through, I was

00:17:34.660 --> 00:17:37.019
looking for answers, I was looking for something

00:17:37.019 --> 00:17:39.539
that would give me hope for a future, that would

00:17:39.539 --> 00:17:43.539
give me hope for myself. And finding none, I

00:17:43.539 --> 00:17:46.700
think that God finally had mercy on me and one

00:17:46.700 --> 00:17:51.319
night I had a dream. And in that dream, I was

00:17:51.319 --> 00:17:54.700
by the Sea of Galilee. Now, I'm going to backtrack

00:17:54.700 --> 00:17:58.339
for just a moment because I had never read the

00:17:58.339 --> 00:18:00.220
Bible at this point. I'm in my mid -twenties.

00:18:00.559 --> 00:18:05.140
read the Bible. When I was in the boarding school

00:18:05.140 --> 00:18:07.440
for girls in England, every Sunday we had to

00:18:07.440 --> 00:18:09.559
go to church, but those of us who are from a

00:18:09.559 --> 00:18:11.980
different background, we were told, go sit upstairs

00:18:11.980 --> 00:18:15.660
and read your own books of faith. Which for me

00:18:15.660 --> 00:18:17.420
would have been the Quran. The Quran is written

00:18:17.420 --> 00:18:20.380
in Arabic. I didn't speak in Arabic. The Quran

00:18:20.380 --> 00:18:22.940
is not one of the tenets of Islam. It's good

00:18:22.940 --> 00:18:25.140
for you if you can read it in Arabic, but it's

00:18:25.140 --> 00:18:28.079
not like the Bible, you know. And so I couldn't

00:18:28.079 --> 00:18:29.900
explain all of this. So I used to say, well,

00:18:29.980 --> 00:18:31.619
okay, they tell me go sit upstairs and read.

00:18:31.740 --> 00:18:34.960
I'll do that. So I used to read romance novels

00:18:34.960 --> 00:18:39.619
upstairs. And so I never heard the gospel. I

00:18:39.619 --> 00:18:43.750
never understood it. The only... The only thing

00:18:43.750 --> 00:18:49.829
I had really of Jesus was a couple of times during

00:18:49.829 --> 00:18:52.309
Easter and Christmas every year in England, they

00:18:52.309 --> 00:18:55.890
would show these two Jesus movies. And in both

00:18:55.890 --> 00:18:58.089
of them, the actor was very good looking. Like

00:18:58.089 --> 00:19:00.230
in one of them, he was blonde and blue eyed.

00:19:00.250 --> 00:19:02.349
In the other one, he had this aquiline nose and

00:19:02.349 --> 00:19:05.589
he just looked gorgeous. And so, you know, this

00:19:05.589 --> 00:19:08.950
is what I know of Jesus, those actors and those

00:19:08.950 --> 00:19:13.630
movies. So in my dream, I'm by the Sea of Galilee.

00:19:14.509 --> 00:19:18.269
I'm like 25 years old at this point. And I see

00:19:18.269 --> 00:19:20.289
there are people in my dream and I know these

00:19:20.289 --> 00:19:22.509
people are followers of Jesus, but I'm standing

00:19:22.509 --> 00:19:25.750
apart and I see a man walking toward me in the

00:19:25.750 --> 00:19:27.890
dream and I know this man is Jesus. So I'm really

00:19:27.890 --> 00:19:31.809
curious to see him. And when I see him, I'm very

00:19:31.809 --> 00:19:34.509
embarrassed to say that my first response is

00:19:34.509 --> 00:19:38.059
absolute disappointment. Because I am expecting

00:19:38.059 --> 00:19:42.019
Jesus to look like those two actors. He's supposed

00:19:42.019 --> 00:19:44.819
to be gorgeous, but he's not. Jesus of my dream

00:19:44.819 --> 00:19:49.119
was very homely. It's sort of like, what? God

00:19:49.119 --> 00:19:53.380
couldn't do any better for his son? It's just

00:19:53.380 --> 00:20:00.099
that I was bringing my broken standards of value,

00:20:00.140 --> 00:20:04.269
of worth, even into my dream world. When he came

00:20:04.269 --> 00:20:06.309
close enough and I could see him in the dream

00:20:06.309 --> 00:20:08.309
and I could look into his eyes, or more importantly,

00:20:08.369 --> 00:20:11.950
he could look into my eyes, I almost fell upon

00:20:11.950 --> 00:20:16.490
my knees. I remember that sense of this love

00:20:16.490 --> 00:20:19.529
beyond any love I had experienced. My parents

00:20:19.529 --> 00:20:21.910
had loved me very deeply. We were a close family,

00:20:21.930 --> 00:20:26.410
but this was a different kind of love. It knew

00:20:26.410 --> 00:20:30.990
me to the core of my being and it accepted me.

00:20:32.860 --> 00:20:36.119
cherished me, like I knew that. But it wasn't

00:20:36.119 --> 00:20:38.480
just a love, it was that alongside the love there

00:20:38.480 --> 00:20:42.440
was a power I sensed in that gaze. And now, knowing

00:20:42.440 --> 00:20:46.339
Jesus and having read the Word, I know that that's

00:20:46.339 --> 00:20:48.779
the power that set the stars in the sky, that

00:20:48.779 --> 00:20:51.220
knows them by name, that's the power that holds

00:20:51.220 --> 00:20:55.339
everything together, the Bible says. And that

00:20:55.339 --> 00:20:59.339
power, when you look at it, through the eyes

00:20:59.339 --> 00:21:01.740
of Jesus will bring you to your knees, like it

00:21:01.740 --> 00:21:04.140
says in Philippians, every knee shall bow, every

00:21:04.140 --> 00:21:06.559
tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. So

00:21:06.559 --> 00:21:11.940
that combination was utterly extraordinary in

00:21:11.940 --> 00:21:14.779
the dream. But the other extraordinary thing

00:21:14.779 --> 00:21:18.559
was that in the dream, and I've told you where

00:21:18.559 --> 00:21:20.880
I came from, what my background was, but in the

00:21:20.880 --> 00:21:24.619
dream I knew Jesus was the Son of God. I couldn't

00:21:24.619 --> 00:21:26.480
have written you a paper about it, but I could

00:21:26.480 --> 00:21:28.799
have told you that he was very God of very God

00:21:28.799 --> 00:21:31.579
and whatever promise he made and everything he

00:21:31.579 --> 00:21:34.220
told you, even if it seemed impossible, it would

00:21:34.220 --> 00:21:38.380
come to pass that he was totally trustworthy

00:21:38.380 --> 00:21:41.480
and faithful. And so he motioned. You got all

00:21:41.480 --> 00:21:43.759
of that in this dream. In that moment. Just in

00:21:43.759 --> 00:21:47.539
a dream. This is the presence of God. This is

00:21:47.539 --> 00:21:49.680
what I want to explain is the presence of God

00:21:49.680 --> 00:21:51.640
that those of us who are Christians through the

00:21:51.640 --> 00:21:56.119
Holy Spirit. We have access to That when you

00:21:56.119 --> 00:21:58.880
enter into a deep place of prayer, this is what

00:21:58.880 --> 00:22:02.779
he's inviting you into the presence of God That

00:22:02.779 --> 00:22:05.700
allows you all of a sudden to lay down your burdens

00:22:05.700 --> 00:22:09.839
and experience peace That's why the Bible says

00:22:09.839 --> 00:22:11.819
be anxious for nothing, but in everything by

00:22:11.819 --> 00:22:14.380
prayer and supplication make your request known

00:22:14.380 --> 00:22:17.500
to God and the peace of God which surpasses all

00:22:17.500 --> 00:22:19.880
understanding will guard your heart and your

00:22:19.880 --> 00:22:23.279
mind in Christ Jesus. Why? Because there is that

00:22:23.279 --> 00:22:27.400
ability, there is that exchange where you just

00:22:27.400 --> 00:22:31.059
give all your stuff to God and He gives you peace.

00:22:31.279 --> 00:22:33.920
Now I was in the presence of God in that dream

00:22:33.920 --> 00:22:38.700
in some fashion and in that presence I knew.

00:22:39.079 --> 00:22:41.319
But you woke up from the dream and you didn't

00:22:41.319 --> 00:22:44.559
know Jesus at that point. I mean I woke up from

00:22:44.559 --> 00:22:48.779
the dream. Exactly. So he told me to follow him

00:22:48.779 --> 00:22:51.980
and I did, but when I woke up, I had three days

00:22:51.980 --> 00:22:54.140
of unshakable peace, which was an absolute miracle

00:22:54.140 --> 00:22:57.119
at that time in my life, but I didn't know how

00:22:57.119 --> 00:22:59.529
to be a Christian. I didn't even think I would

00:22:59.529 --> 00:23:03.410
want to be a Christian. I didn't understand that

00:23:03.410 --> 00:23:05.250
I had to repent. I didn't understand that he

00:23:05.250 --> 00:23:08.869
had to be sort of the center of my life. I didn't

00:23:08.869 --> 00:23:12.049
get it. But for the first time, I believe the

00:23:12.049 --> 00:23:14.470
dream sort of broke through some kind of stronghold.

00:23:14.849 --> 00:23:16.910
And for the first time, a couple of months later,

00:23:16.930 --> 00:23:20.849
I was surrounded by Christians. My neighbor was

00:23:20.849 --> 00:23:23.130
a Christian, a friend, a new friend became a

00:23:23.130 --> 00:23:25.589
Christian. Her parents invited me to her home,

00:23:25.750 --> 00:23:28.900
to their home, and they just love me. These Christians

00:23:28.900 --> 00:23:34.039
poured love upon me. They accepted me. They gave

00:23:34.039 --> 00:23:37.000
me the gift of hospitality. They opened their

00:23:37.000 --> 00:23:40.039
home to me, cooked for me, loved me. I thought

00:23:40.039 --> 00:23:42.779
they were nuts, Jodi. I thought they were crazy

00:23:42.779 --> 00:23:46.359
because everything was about Jesus. Here I come

00:23:46.359 --> 00:23:49.440
from this background of like all religions are

00:23:49.440 --> 00:23:53.400
the same. something that you made up, like, you

00:23:53.400 --> 00:23:56.160
know, calm down people. But I could tell there

00:23:56.160 --> 00:23:59.700
was something very different about them. I sense

00:23:59.700 --> 00:24:04.319
like this couple, they loved each other deeply,

00:24:04.319 --> 00:24:06.740
but they had nothing in common. And I remember

00:24:06.740 --> 00:24:09.460
looking at them and thinking, gosh, my parents

00:24:09.460 --> 00:24:11.720
had more in common than you two. And my parents

00:24:11.720 --> 00:24:14.599
got divorced, like they couldn't handle it. How

00:24:14.599 --> 00:24:16.779
is it that you're so happily married and you

00:24:16.779 --> 00:24:18.619
love each other? Clearly you love each other.

00:24:18.880 --> 00:24:21.559
And they kept saying Jesus. Every question I

00:24:21.559 --> 00:24:24.339
asked them, they kept saying Jesus. So finally,

00:24:24.640 --> 00:24:28.619
I was thinking, well, 99%, I'm right, because,

00:24:28.619 --> 00:24:31.400
you know, I was that arrogant. 99%, I'm right,

00:24:31.400 --> 00:24:34.259
and they're wrong. But what if 1%, what if 0

00:24:34.259 --> 00:24:37.839
.1 %? I am wrong. What am I losing here? Like

00:24:37.839 --> 00:24:41.700
I'm losing the very gift of heaven. And that's

00:24:41.700 --> 00:24:44.680
all Jesus needed was my 0 .1%, I believe. And

00:24:44.680 --> 00:24:49.619
that's how I became a Christian. So you ended

00:24:49.619 --> 00:24:54.480
up going to Bible study and church with them

00:24:54.480 --> 00:24:57.579
and learning a little bit more, but you came

00:24:57.579 --> 00:24:59.700
to a point where you actually made that confession.

00:24:59.940 --> 00:25:03.400
I am following Jesus. Share about that. I did.

00:25:04.509 --> 00:25:07.329
And I didn't know I had reached that point. I

00:25:07.329 --> 00:25:10.769
knew that I was deeply drawn to this Jesus. I

00:25:10.769 --> 00:25:14.589
knew I was deeply drawn to this whole idea of

00:25:14.589 --> 00:25:17.450
who he was, but I couldn't fully get it. Like,

00:25:17.450 --> 00:25:19.450
they gave me a Bible and I was like, oh, good,

00:25:19.730 --> 00:25:22.970
because I was looking for a list of do's and

00:25:22.970 --> 00:25:26.690
don'ts, a very clear -cut way of saying, if I

00:25:26.690 --> 00:25:29.529
live my life like this, then I will have a successful

00:25:29.529 --> 00:25:33.730
life and I won't fail again. Everything will

00:25:33.730 --> 00:25:36.380
work. out right and I won't be in pain again.

00:25:36.759 --> 00:25:39.740
Where's the list? So I'm looking and I and Jesus

00:25:39.740 --> 00:25:48.180
said like he's talking about lambs and sheep

00:25:48.180 --> 00:25:53.119
and coins and losing the coin and I'm like what

00:25:53.119 --> 00:25:55.200
what what Pearl what are you talking about? Like

00:25:55.200 --> 00:25:57.740
where's the list? Give me the list. I don't understand

00:25:57.740 --> 00:26:02.240
the stories. It took me a while to really absorb

00:26:02.240 --> 00:26:05.619
the stories but I think the Holy Spirit was working

00:26:05.619 --> 00:26:08.420
in my soul and I wasn't aware of it. And one

00:26:08.420 --> 00:26:13.299
day we were in this, because this family would

00:26:13.299 --> 00:26:15.319
keep dragging me to church, they kept dragging

00:26:15.319 --> 00:26:17.759
me to Christian conferences. Anyway, I was in

00:26:17.759 --> 00:26:21.559
a conference and an older pastor came and said,

00:26:21.700 --> 00:26:24.619
so Tessa, when are you going to become a Christian?

00:26:24.680 --> 00:26:26.839
When are you going to accept Jesus as your Lord?

00:26:27.180 --> 00:26:29.000
And I looked at him like, what are you kidding

00:26:29.000 --> 00:26:32.579
me? And in my head, what I'm thinking is not

00:26:32.619 --> 00:26:35.240
Not anytime soon, like, you know, I'm not there

00:26:35.240 --> 00:26:39.079
or whatever. What could I say to him? But when

00:26:39.079 --> 00:26:41.559
I opened my mouth to say that what came out of

00:26:41.559 --> 00:26:45.099
my mouth was I already have. I have no idea to

00:26:45.099 --> 00:26:47.779
this day who put those words in my mouth. I think

00:26:47.779 --> 00:26:52.380
I have a really good guess, but, um, and he kind

00:26:52.380 --> 00:26:54.839
of looked at me shocked. I looked at him shocked.

00:26:54.960 --> 00:26:56.420
I don't know which one of us was more shocked

00:26:56.420 --> 00:26:59.200
that this is what I said, but as the words came

00:26:59.200 --> 00:27:04.410
out of my mouth, I realized. It's true. I believe

00:27:04.410 --> 00:27:06.869
in Jesus Christ. He's my Lord. He's my Savior.

00:27:07.269 --> 00:27:11.710
Now, I was a baby, baby Christian. I didn't believe

00:27:11.710 --> 00:27:14.470
in the devil. I didn't believe in angels. I didn't

00:27:14.470 --> 00:27:18.690
understand a thing. I just knew what Jesus said

00:27:18.690 --> 00:27:21.569
about himself, whatever he claimed about himself,

00:27:21.690 --> 00:27:27.849
that was the truth. And that was my start. And

00:27:27.849 --> 00:27:29.910
after that, really everything began to shift

00:27:29.910 --> 00:27:31.769
for you. Of course, some of the challenges were

00:27:31.769 --> 00:27:34.589
still there, but your direction changed and you

00:27:34.589 --> 00:27:37.049
started truly following the Lord and letting

00:27:37.049 --> 00:27:39.829
Him shape your life. So what was that season

00:27:39.829 --> 00:27:44.430
like for you and everything was new? It was really...

00:27:44.509 --> 00:27:46.809
one of the most beautiful seasons of my life

00:27:46.809 --> 00:27:50.289
because my circumstances didn't change. The problems

00:27:50.289 --> 00:27:53.250
I was still coping with were still there. But

00:27:53.250 --> 00:27:56.869
I was experiencing a supernatural joy, a supernatural

00:27:56.869 --> 00:28:00.670
peace. And so, you know, I decided, for example,

00:28:00.869 --> 00:28:05.289
to be baptized. And my mom was in England, I

00:28:05.289 --> 00:28:07.609
was in the U .S. at that time, but my father

00:28:07.609 --> 00:28:10.470
had come to the U .S. to join us. So I wrote

00:28:10.470 --> 00:28:13.220
a letter to my mom. Because back then, this is

00:28:13.220 --> 00:28:17.119
before, I'm giving you sort of an idea of how

00:28:17.119 --> 00:28:19.720
many years ago it was. It was before text and

00:28:19.720 --> 00:28:22.920
all of that. So I'd written her to say, I've

00:28:22.920 --> 00:28:24.640
become a Christian, I'm going to be baptized.

00:28:24.819 --> 00:28:28.160
And my mom had written me back a six page letter,

00:28:28.720 --> 00:28:32.450
tear stain. saying, how have I failed you that

00:28:32.450 --> 00:28:34.069
you feel like you have to become a religious

00:28:34.069 --> 00:28:36.150
person? Like what, you know, what is going on?

00:28:36.210 --> 00:28:38.569
And I was like, well, and later on when I would

00:28:38.569 --> 00:28:40.910
read the Bible and Jesus would basically say,

00:28:40.950 --> 00:28:43.769
you have to walk away from your father and your

00:28:43.769 --> 00:28:45.509
mother if you want to follow me sometimes. And

00:28:45.509 --> 00:28:51.190
I realized, you know, the word warns you that

00:28:51.190 --> 00:28:56.279
sometimes Jesus is an instrument of division

00:28:56.279 --> 00:28:59.900
rather than something that brings us together.

00:29:00.519 --> 00:29:03.819
But my father and my brother, they came to my

00:29:03.819 --> 00:29:08.059
baptism because my father at this point was incredibly

00:29:08.059 --> 00:29:11.980
curious to see what had happened to his girl.

00:29:12.319 --> 00:29:15.079
because I was a different person. He could tell

00:29:15.079 --> 00:29:18.539
that my walk with Jesus had given me this peace,

00:29:18.680 --> 00:29:23.539
that there was this inner joy. He saw the change.

00:29:24.059 --> 00:29:28.420
And so he was just curious. And so they came

00:29:28.420 --> 00:29:32.259
to my baptism. My father started going to Bible

00:29:32.259 --> 00:29:36.980
study, and he sort of started reading the Bible.

00:29:37.140 --> 00:29:40.799
Unfortunately, he started with page one. That

00:29:40.799 --> 00:29:42.980
didn't really work out. I should have told him,

00:29:43.500 --> 00:29:45.380
start reading in the New Testament. I think that

00:29:45.380 --> 00:29:49.240
would have been easier. He had this very scientific

00:29:49.240 --> 00:29:54.299
mind and he came across the miracles and he came

00:29:54.299 --> 00:29:56.319
across all this stuff and he was like, seriously,

00:29:56.440 --> 00:30:01.059
you believe this? What has happened to your intellect?

00:30:01.880 --> 00:30:07.559
He couldn't absorb it. got it. So we never argued,

00:30:07.700 --> 00:30:11.279
I never tried to argue my family out of their

00:30:11.279 --> 00:30:15.440
objections. I just could basically sit down and

00:30:15.440 --> 00:30:18.460
say, I get it, I really do, and pray. I would

00:30:18.460 --> 00:30:20.920
pray for them. And eventually my sister was the

00:30:20.920 --> 00:30:24.380
first one who came to Christ. and separately

00:30:24.380 --> 00:30:26.819
in England, completely separately from me. So

00:30:26.819 --> 00:30:29.339
it was the work of the Lord. My father became

00:30:29.339 --> 00:30:32.720
a Christian. He was baptized in his 70s. My mom

00:30:32.720 --> 00:30:35.099
eventually became a Christian. She was baptized

00:30:35.099 --> 00:30:39.039
and my brother still is not. So we're still praying

00:30:39.039 --> 00:30:42.559
for him, but there's lots of hope. So my life

00:30:42.559 --> 00:30:48.279
changed. in that my loves changed and my desires

00:30:48.279 --> 00:30:53.660
changed. I had this percolating need or desire

00:30:53.660 --> 00:30:58.200
to serve Jesus. He opened a miraculous door for

00:30:58.200 --> 00:31:01.359
me to go to divinity school for three years.

00:31:01.619 --> 00:31:04.259
He paid for it. Jesus paid for it, literally.

00:31:04.750 --> 00:31:09.630
and he opened that door. I could go and I came

00:31:09.630 --> 00:31:13.490
out and I could go work in the ministry at this

00:31:13.490 --> 00:31:17.390
point, which is incredible. There's such a temptation

00:31:17.390 --> 00:31:21.190
when we want to serve Jesus to, you know, whether

00:31:21.190 --> 00:31:24.089
it's working full -time or volunteering in a

00:31:24.089 --> 00:31:26.250
ministry, to just lose ourselves in serving,

00:31:26.849 --> 00:31:30.950
which is good in some ways, but also very detrimental

00:31:30.950 --> 00:31:33.910
in many other ways. I've walked that road myself.

00:31:34.609 --> 00:31:38.450
So eventually your enthusiasm and your zeal for

00:31:38.450 --> 00:31:41.690
serving led you to a place of burnout. And that's

00:31:41.690 --> 00:31:44.849
not an easy place to come back from. So what

00:31:44.849 --> 00:31:47.509
was your journey? So at the time, Jodie, when

00:31:47.509 --> 00:31:51.630
I basically had gone through several years of,

00:31:51.670 --> 00:31:55.390
and I think there are intense seasons where you

00:31:55.390 --> 00:31:58.190
go beyond the boundaries the Lord has set for

00:31:58.190 --> 00:32:01.450
us. The Lord has created us for rest and work.

00:32:02.029 --> 00:32:05.150
There are rhythms that the Bible is very clear

00:32:05.150 --> 00:32:08.789
about. And I know that there are seasons in our

00:32:08.789 --> 00:32:11.490
lives where God says, okay, it's okay if you

00:32:11.490 --> 00:32:13.809
go beyond those boundaries, beyond those rhythms,

00:32:13.829 --> 00:32:16.730
but it's a season. short season. When it becomes

00:32:16.730 --> 00:32:20.250
a lifestyle, you will get into trouble. And I

00:32:20.250 --> 00:32:23.369
think each one of us, our capacity is different.

00:32:23.990 --> 00:32:27.829
And he designs our lives based on our capacity.

00:32:27.910 --> 00:32:30.309
He doesn't expect me to live the life of someone

00:32:30.309 --> 00:32:33.970
else who has maybe three times my capacity. He

00:32:33.970 --> 00:32:38.509
expects us to live according to our capacity,

00:32:38.589 --> 00:32:42.720
but according to his rhythm. And what happened

00:32:42.720 --> 00:32:45.839
for me was that I basically pushed those boundaries

00:32:45.839 --> 00:32:52.160
and made the rhythm beyond my capacity for years

00:32:52.160 --> 00:32:55.640
at a time so that it was no longer just a season,

00:32:56.259 --> 00:33:02.119
it was basically a lifestyle that broke sort

00:33:02.119 --> 00:33:07.250
of the back of my wellbeing. And I started experiencing

00:33:07.250 --> 00:33:10.430
burnout. Now, when it first started, I remember

00:33:10.430 --> 00:33:13.930
thinking, this is an external problem. I'm suffering

00:33:13.930 --> 00:33:19.049
from burnout because of my job, because of my

00:33:19.049 --> 00:33:21.269
work, because of the expectations that are on

00:33:21.269 --> 00:33:24.369
me, because of what I'm supposed to do. And so

00:33:24.369 --> 00:33:27.250
it's not my fault. It's an external. But in my

00:33:27.250 --> 00:33:31.089
particular situation, as I worked with the Lord

00:33:31.089 --> 00:33:34.960
through this process, One of the things I learned

00:33:34.960 --> 00:33:38.259
was that, yes, the external circumstances were

00:33:38.259 --> 00:33:41.420
part of the problem, but the bigger problem was

00:33:41.420 --> 00:33:44.039
the internal wound that I had been carrying,

00:33:45.240 --> 00:33:48.240
that wound of rejection and abandonment since

00:33:48.240 --> 00:33:52.039
my childhood that had not yet been healed. And

00:33:52.039 --> 00:33:58.000
so I had been working So beyond my capacity and

00:33:58.000 --> 00:34:01.220
capability because I was trying to rejection

00:34:01.220 --> 00:34:03.839
proof my life to abandon proof my life I was

00:34:03.839 --> 00:34:08.079
trying to be so good and so perfect and so meet

00:34:08.079 --> 00:34:11.320
every need and every expectation at every point

00:34:11.320 --> 00:34:15.800
That nobody would ever reject me again. So basically

00:34:15.800 --> 00:34:19.130
I was trying to abandon proof my own life Which

00:34:19.130 --> 00:34:21.869
is not the way God has designed us. God has not

00:34:21.869 --> 00:34:26.650
designed us to buy our own actions and achievements

00:34:26.650 --> 00:34:29.550
to make our life rejection -proof. He has made

00:34:29.550 --> 00:34:35.530
us unrejected by accepting us, by receiving us,

00:34:35.630 --> 00:34:41.099
by welcoming us. the whole scenario of rejection

00:34:41.099 --> 00:34:45.039
of abandonment because God has said, I will say

00:34:45.039 --> 00:34:47.659
to those who are not my people, I will call them

00:34:47.659 --> 00:34:50.780
my people. In other words, whatever abandonment

00:34:50.780 --> 00:34:54.699
you ever received, I am undoing that. I'm turning

00:34:54.699 --> 00:34:59.670
that on its head. You are mine now. and therefore

00:34:59.670 --> 00:35:03.090
you belong. But instead of living out of that

00:35:03.090 --> 00:35:06.809
reality, even though I belong to him, I was living

00:35:06.809 --> 00:35:10.510
out of my woundedness. As you talk, just share

00:35:10.510 --> 00:35:13.389
a little bit of what burnout actually looked

00:35:13.389 --> 00:35:15.670
like for you. Because there may be people out

00:35:15.670 --> 00:35:17.989
there who don't understand, who are in this similar

00:35:17.989 --> 00:35:20.130
situation but don't recognize what's going on.

00:35:20.690 --> 00:35:25.610
Right. So for me, burnout began with basically

00:35:25.610 --> 00:35:29.809
a sense of overwhelm. I took some time off work,

00:35:29.809 --> 00:35:33.110
which I had, thankfully, but the overwhelm was

00:35:33.110 --> 00:35:35.530
so bad that I couldn't even pray. I couldn't

00:35:35.530 --> 00:35:38.849
focus. So my prayer time was basically I would

00:35:38.849 --> 00:35:41.329
go for a long walk. I would look at a tree and

00:35:41.329 --> 00:35:43.829
say, wow, that's beautiful. You made that. And

00:35:43.829 --> 00:35:50.230
just that was my prayer. You made that. So I

00:35:50.230 --> 00:35:53.889
started beginning to have anxiety because I started

00:35:53.889 --> 00:35:56.110
asking, well, when is this going to go away?

00:35:56.250 --> 00:35:58.489
What if it doesn't go away? Who's going to pay

00:35:58.489 --> 00:36:02.590
the rent? Who's going to pay the, um, you know,

00:36:02.630 --> 00:36:05.030
all my bills and what's, where am I going to

00:36:05.030 --> 00:36:08.809
live and what's going to happen to me? So those

00:36:08.809 --> 00:36:12.630
questions then started kind of going deeper and

00:36:12.630 --> 00:36:14.869
deeper. And instead of being specific questions,

00:36:15.050 --> 00:36:18.989
they turn into this constant anxiety. So I would

00:36:18.989 --> 00:36:21.329
wake up and I wouldn't have to ask a question.

00:36:21.630 --> 00:36:24.750
I would just wake up with this burden of anxiety

00:36:24.750 --> 00:36:30.230
already dragging me down. And so I felt overwhelmed.

00:36:30.489 --> 00:36:35.329
I felt anxious. I felt discouraged and I didn't

00:36:35.329 --> 00:36:39.460
know how to pull myself out of it. It didn't

00:36:39.460 --> 00:36:42.760
go away for me overnight. In other words, I wish

00:36:42.760 --> 00:36:46.900
I could say that in my case, I had a few prayers,

00:36:47.139 --> 00:36:50.360
I memorized a few verses, and then it went away.

00:36:50.380 --> 00:36:53.619
It didn't. For me, it took a while. Now, the

00:36:53.619 --> 00:36:56.260
Lord gave me the strength. I returned to work

00:36:56.260 --> 00:37:00.800
after my time off. I was able to work. I was

00:37:00.800 --> 00:37:04.059
functional for that, but my life had become very

00:37:04.059 --> 00:37:09.929
limited. Basically, I just went to work and came

00:37:09.929 --> 00:37:14.050
home, but I didn't have the capacity to do more

00:37:14.050 --> 00:37:16.469
than that. I didn't have the capacity. Like for

00:37:16.469 --> 00:37:19.429
me, going out of the house was really, it required

00:37:19.429 --> 00:37:24.309
a lot of strength. It was difficult. It was overwhelming.

00:37:24.829 --> 00:37:27.869
So there was just a lot of overwhelm. But as

00:37:27.869 --> 00:37:31.110
I began to understand that there is a wound underneath

00:37:31.110 --> 00:37:35.559
here, that there is this wound of rejection,

00:37:35.860 --> 00:37:38.659
this fear of rejection, this fear of abandonment.

00:37:38.960 --> 00:37:42.960
Then I began to realize this is where I need

00:37:42.960 --> 00:37:48.039
to put my focus. The Lord needs to go there into

00:37:48.039 --> 00:37:52.340
that depth and restore me at that level before

00:37:52.340 --> 00:38:00.320
I can be free of this. basically struggle. And

00:38:00.320 --> 00:38:04.139
then really once you enter into that generalized

00:38:04.139 --> 00:38:08.579
sense of anxiety, it becomes, it's almost as

00:38:08.579 --> 00:38:12.699
if your brain absorbs it as normal. And so even

00:38:12.699 --> 00:38:15.960
as you heal the deeper wounds, then you have

00:38:15.960 --> 00:38:22.539
to heal this pattern that your brain has entered

00:38:22.539 --> 00:38:25.420
into. And so that pattern has to be undone and

00:38:25.420 --> 00:38:30.280
it becomes its own thing. Yeah, so you did come

00:38:30.280 --> 00:38:33.099
out of it. The Lord brought you through about

00:38:33.099 --> 00:38:36.659
a two and a half year restoration process and

00:38:36.659 --> 00:38:39.159
as you emerged on the other side of that healing,

00:38:39.599 --> 00:38:42.760
God encouraged you to fulfill the desire of your

00:38:42.760 --> 00:38:46.119
heart and to start writing. So that must have

00:38:46.119 --> 00:38:48.960
taken a huge step of faith. How did that unfold

00:38:48.960 --> 00:38:53.590
for you? Yeah. So, you know, there may be someone

00:38:53.590 --> 00:38:55.530
who's listening right now who's going through

00:38:55.530 --> 00:39:00.969
a season of discouragement or burnout, or maybe

00:39:00.969 --> 00:39:03.889
you feel like your life has really shrunken into

00:39:03.889 --> 00:39:07.309
this tiny thing and that's your future. And I

00:39:07.309 --> 00:39:11.480
want to say that I just want to speak hoping

00:39:11.480 --> 00:39:13.840
to you, if that's the case, because when I was

00:39:13.840 --> 00:39:16.760
going through that season and I would look into

00:39:16.760 --> 00:39:18.840
the future, I just basically thought, well, this

00:39:18.840 --> 00:39:21.880
is my life. Like this shrunken little thing is

00:39:21.880 --> 00:39:24.900
my life. This is my future. And at that time,

00:39:25.000 --> 00:39:28.659
I had never written a single book. I had never

00:39:28.659 --> 00:39:31.780
won a single award for my writing. I had not

00:39:31.780 --> 00:39:35.380
been married. You know, some of the biggest blessings

00:39:35.380 --> 00:39:42.389
of God still was waiting for me but the experience

00:39:42.389 --> 00:39:47.920
of my life pointed to the opposite of that. So

00:39:47.920 --> 00:39:52.019
God has sometimes plans for us, redemption for

00:39:52.019 --> 00:39:55.019
us, restoration for us, new giftings for us,

00:39:55.519 --> 00:40:00.019
doors to open for us where the present experience

00:40:00.019 --> 00:40:03.880
cannot begin to think or imagine it yet. So I

00:40:03.880 --> 00:40:05.840
just want to tell you if you're going through

00:40:05.840 --> 00:40:09.179
that and you have some dreams or when you think

00:40:09.179 --> 00:40:11.500
about the future you just think of this shrunken

00:40:11.500 --> 00:40:14.380
thing that's the present and that's all you can

00:40:14.380 --> 00:40:19.780
think of. that the Lord does not have the same

00:40:19.780 --> 00:40:24.099
idea and the Lord does not have the same impression

00:40:24.099 --> 00:40:28.659
and plan for your future that you sometimes are

00:40:28.659 --> 00:40:33.079
settling for. So for me, the big dream had always

00:40:33.079 --> 00:40:36.039
been I wanted to be a writer. So I told you when

00:40:36.039 --> 00:40:39.400
I was a teenager and I was going to that chapel

00:40:39.400 --> 00:40:41.639
in England and I would sit upstairs and what

00:40:41.639 --> 00:40:43.880
was I reading? I was reading a romance novel.

00:40:43.880 --> 00:40:47.260
So in my 20s before I became a Christian and

00:40:47.260 --> 00:40:49.539
even afterwards, that was my dream. I wanted

00:40:49.539 --> 00:40:53.860
to become a romance novelist. And so I tried

00:40:53.860 --> 00:40:57.039
to write a couple of them and they both got rejected.

00:40:57.039 --> 00:41:00.079
They came very close to being accepted. but they

00:41:00.079 --> 00:41:02.639
got rejected. And I believe that was something

00:41:02.639 --> 00:41:05.500
from the Lord. The Lord closed that door because

00:41:05.500 --> 00:41:08.039
if he had opened that door in my 20s, I probably

00:41:08.039 --> 00:41:11.199
would have just settled there and been content

00:41:11.199 --> 00:41:13.599
with that. But he had a different plan for my

00:41:13.599 --> 00:41:16.780
life. But the problem was that because those

00:41:16.780 --> 00:41:21.380
two doors closed, the message I received on top

00:41:21.380 --> 00:41:27.679
of my wound of rejection was that I'm not good

00:41:27.679 --> 00:41:30.679
enough to ever be a writer. I can never do this.

00:41:31.469 --> 00:41:34.309
And so I would start stories and I would never

00:41:34.309 --> 00:41:38.289
end them. And I would just leave them to the

00:41:38.289 --> 00:41:40.550
side because the thing in my head would say,

00:41:40.829 --> 00:41:42.510
well, no one will ever want to read this. This

00:41:42.510 --> 00:41:45.409
is terrible. So I never finished a single book,

00:41:45.710 --> 00:41:48.869
which it's one of my regrets in my life that

00:41:48.869 --> 00:41:52.190
I didn't start sooner. But eventually, I was

00:41:52.190 --> 00:41:56.030
in my 40s when I was praying. It was New Year's.

00:41:56.030 --> 00:41:58.530
I always consecrated the New Year to the Lord

00:41:58.530 --> 00:42:01.269
with prayer. And I was saying to Jesus, Lord,

00:42:01.269 --> 00:42:04.650
I really have this dream. I want to write. And

00:42:04.650 --> 00:42:09.329
the feeling that I had, the sense that I had

00:42:09.329 --> 00:42:13.150
from God was sit down and write and finish a

00:42:13.150 --> 00:42:16.789
book this year. or it will be too late. So I

00:42:16.789 --> 00:42:19.469
made a promise to Jesus. I said, okay, I'll finish

00:42:19.469 --> 00:42:22.429
a book this year. And I did. That year, I wrote

00:42:22.429 --> 00:42:27.769
a book. I had been writing on a story about Rahab,

00:42:28.010 --> 00:42:31.230
so I turned that story into a book. And it wasn't

00:42:31.230 --> 00:42:34.670
that all of a sudden, magically, all the fear

00:42:34.670 --> 00:42:37.250
of rejection, all the fear of failure went away.

00:42:37.469 --> 00:42:39.750
Practically every page I wrote, that voice in

00:42:39.750 --> 00:42:42.500
my head kept saying, Nobody's ever going to want

00:42:42.500 --> 00:42:46.159
to read this. This is terrible. And I just say,

00:42:46.300 --> 00:42:48.579
okay, it's terrible. But I told Jesus I would

00:42:48.579 --> 00:42:51.420
finish it. So I wrote it based on a promise.

00:42:51.860 --> 00:42:55.980
And I got toward the end. And I think I chose

00:42:55.980 --> 00:43:00.820
Rahab because, you know, Rahab had this past,

00:43:01.420 --> 00:43:05.139
this terrible. terrifying past. And you can imagine

00:43:05.139 --> 00:43:09.000
the wounds of a woman who was a, the Bible calls

00:43:09.000 --> 00:43:12.840
her a zonah in Hebrew. Zonah means just like

00:43:12.840 --> 00:43:17.519
your garden variety prostitute, not even like

00:43:17.519 --> 00:43:20.880
a religious one that had higher respect, but

00:43:20.880 --> 00:43:23.480
just a garden variety. So imagine the wounds

00:43:23.480 --> 00:43:28.030
of this woman. And yet, The Lord chose her to

00:43:28.030 --> 00:43:31.369
marry one of the princes of Judah and be in the

00:43:31.369 --> 00:43:34.789
lineage of Jesus. Thank you, Lord. How amazing

00:43:34.789 --> 00:43:39.210
are you? So when I was working on this, I had

00:43:39.210 --> 00:43:44.030
some years earlier during a prayer time, when

00:43:44.030 --> 00:43:48.630
I was working on my own, that sense of rejection

00:43:48.630 --> 00:43:53.349
on a personal level, not about work, but about

00:43:53.960 --> 00:43:55.579
relationships, you know, personal relationships.

00:43:55.639 --> 00:43:58.159
I told you that when I was in my 20s, that relationship

00:43:58.159 --> 00:44:02.739
had broken down and totally sort of caused me

00:44:02.739 --> 00:44:06.440
to fall apart. And I still was carrying that

00:44:06.440 --> 00:44:10.659
on top of like the wounds of being fatherless

00:44:10.659 --> 00:44:13.099
and all of that. And I remember praying like,

00:44:13.099 --> 00:44:16.000
Lord, you need to fix this. It just keeps coming

00:44:16.000 --> 00:44:19.199
up. You need to fix this. And as I was praying,

00:44:19.480 --> 00:44:26.929
I had this picture, this image of a diamond ring

00:44:26.929 --> 00:44:32.590
that had been abandoned or lost. And it was on

00:44:32.590 --> 00:44:36.389
a sort of this lane that everybody had walked

00:44:36.389 --> 00:44:39.989
on. The lane was not paved. And so this diamond

00:44:39.989 --> 00:44:44.869
ring was kind of in sad shape. And I felt God

00:44:44.869 --> 00:44:47.730
was asking me to pick it up in this picture.

00:44:48.150 --> 00:44:50.769
So I picked it up and God said, well, it's too

00:44:50.769 --> 00:44:53.389
bad. That's not worth anything. I said, what

00:44:53.389 --> 00:44:56.010
are you kidding me? It's a diamond. It's still

00:44:56.010 --> 00:44:59.289
worthwhile. It's gold. He said, yeah, but people

00:44:59.289 --> 00:45:02.230
have stepped on it. It's dirty. I said, I'll

00:45:02.230 --> 00:45:05.090
wash it. He said, it's dented. I said, I'll fix

00:45:05.090 --> 00:45:08.909
it. And he said, but people have stepped on it.

00:45:09.030 --> 00:45:12.090
I said, but it's still worth it. And he said,

00:45:12.170 --> 00:45:15.289
and I had this utter sense, utter conviction.

00:45:15.659 --> 00:45:19.380
don't you see you're my diamond ring. And it

00:45:19.380 --> 00:45:23.500
doesn't matter if people have dropped you, if

00:45:23.500 --> 00:45:26.900
they have stepped on you, if they're treating

00:45:26.900 --> 00:45:29.900
you as if you're the dust of the ground instead

00:45:29.900 --> 00:45:34.840
of my jewel. It never, it never, ever takes away

00:45:34.840 --> 00:45:38.440
your worth. It never, ever changes the fact that

00:45:38.440 --> 00:45:44.469
you're my jewel. And for some reason, That moment,

00:45:45.190 --> 00:45:49.090
this message went all the way into my core, into

00:45:49.090 --> 00:45:52.289
my deep identity. And I was able to write that

00:45:52.289 --> 00:45:55.590
into this book about Rahab, which later we called

00:45:55.590 --> 00:45:58.550
Pearl in the Sand because back then they didn't

00:45:58.550 --> 00:46:00.889
have diamonds. So we had to write the scene with

00:46:00.889 --> 00:46:02.909
a pearl. I had to write the scene with a pearl.

00:46:03.630 --> 00:46:06.329
And to this day, you know, that book, I think

00:46:06.329 --> 00:46:09.329
it has been translated into seven, maybe eight

00:46:09.329 --> 00:46:13.309
languages now because the German publisher just

00:46:13.309 --> 00:46:17.789
picked it up. And to this day, I hear from readers,

00:46:18.369 --> 00:46:21.449
both male and female, who talk about that scene

00:46:21.449 --> 00:46:26.349
and how sometimes for the first time, they experience

00:46:26.349 --> 00:46:30.219
their worth in God as they read it. they experience

00:46:30.219 --> 00:46:33.099
their belovedness in God as they read it because

00:46:33.099 --> 00:46:38.219
it's that amazing truth. So all that to say that

00:46:38.219 --> 00:46:41.900
the book I was writing with all of these negative

00:46:41.900 --> 00:46:45.380
thoughts in my head I was writing merely to be

00:46:47.519 --> 00:46:49.780
you know, to keep my promise, to be faithful

00:46:49.780 --> 00:46:52.559
to my promise. The Lord opened the door very

00:46:52.559 --> 00:46:55.420
quickly afterwards, incredibly quickly, and it

00:46:55.420 --> 00:46:58.219
went on to be published. And it opened the door

00:46:58.219 --> 00:47:02.780
to the second career for me and to fulfillment

00:47:02.780 --> 00:47:08.079
of my greatest dream. So as the number of your

00:47:08.079 --> 00:47:10.820
published works grew, you were still serving

00:47:10.820 --> 00:47:14.300
on staff at a church doing both. But that's where

00:47:14.300 --> 00:47:17.730
you met the man you were going to marry. So tell

00:47:17.730 --> 00:47:21.230
us about that part of your story. I met my husband

00:47:21.230 --> 00:47:25.130
in church and he came to one of my book signings

00:47:25.130 --> 00:47:28.570
as well. But this I always say we had a full

00:47:28.570 --> 00:47:32.659
service church. Not only do we teach you the

00:47:32.659 --> 00:47:35.920
glory of God and the word of God, but we also

00:47:35.920 --> 00:47:39.539
put you together. But I was just in a position

00:47:39.539 --> 00:47:42.880
where I couldn't use the typical things that

00:47:42.880 --> 00:47:46.219
people use at that point. So I said, Lord, I

00:47:46.219 --> 00:47:48.679
don't have time to go out and meet people. I

00:47:48.679 --> 00:47:51.059
don't have time to, you know, you're going to

00:47:51.059 --> 00:47:55.320
have to bring him to me. And he did. And so by

00:47:55.320 --> 00:47:58.340
His grace, you know, this man was basically the

00:47:58.340 --> 00:48:02.039
antithesis of rejection. He was the antithesis

00:48:02.039 --> 00:48:06.019
of abandonment. He's just deep core faithful,

00:48:06.860 --> 00:48:12.789
reliable. you know, loving kind of guy. And so

00:48:12.789 --> 00:48:17.750
the Lord truly restored, again, he restored those

00:48:17.750 --> 00:48:22.010
wounds by bringing this person into my life who

00:48:22.010 --> 00:48:26.110
loves Jesus and loves me. And it still utterly

00:48:26.110 --> 00:48:29.349
overwhelms me when I think of that gift, when

00:48:29.349 --> 00:48:33.550
I think of how, like, with what sweetness the

00:48:33.550 --> 00:48:37.190
Lord restored to me this dream that I, you know,

00:48:37.190 --> 00:48:40.460
I was getting a little older, and I thought,

00:48:40.519 --> 00:48:45.300
well, the dream is gone. But God doesn't care

00:48:45.300 --> 00:48:48.159
about age. He doesn't look at statistics. He

00:48:48.159 --> 00:48:51.659
just, you know, he knows how to restore to us.

00:48:51.980 --> 00:48:55.940
Again, those dreams that the locust needs. Amen.

00:48:56.320 --> 00:49:00.199
I also married when I was older and thought that

00:49:00.199 --> 00:49:03.599
my time was gone. And, you know, God brought

00:49:03.599 --> 00:49:07.059
a wonderful Wonderful loving husband into my

00:49:07.059 --> 00:49:09.460
life as well. So he does it don't despair out

00:49:09.460 --> 00:49:12.559
there if you're still waiting God and his timing

00:49:12.559 --> 00:49:16.800
will bring about his purposes So Tessa now that

00:49:16.800 --> 00:49:20.579
you have a partner in your life How did you make

00:49:20.579 --> 00:49:23.380
that transition from really serving full -time

00:49:23.380 --> 00:49:26.539
in your church and writing part -time after hours?

00:49:26.940 --> 00:49:30.119
Into stepping into writing as a full -time calling

00:49:30.320 --> 00:49:33.860
It was difficult because, again, I was involved

00:49:33.860 --> 00:49:37.519
in ministry. I didn't just have a job. And we

00:49:37.519 --> 00:49:41.159
knew God was using that. But the Lord was also

00:49:41.159 --> 00:49:43.659
anointing the books in such a way that they were

00:49:43.659 --> 00:49:47.559
exploding far beyond I could imagine. And I couldn't

00:49:47.559 --> 00:49:51.000
keep up. I couldn't do the both and be a wife

00:49:51.000 --> 00:49:54.219
and do everything. I just could not. And so we

00:49:54.219 --> 00:49:56.599
thought, well, OK, I'll go part time with ministry.

00:49:56.679 --> 00:49:59.440
And we thought that would work out but there's

00:49:59.440 --> 00:50:01.920
no such thing as part -time ministry really but

00:50:01.920 --> 00:50:05.199
um and also the lord gave us a couple of signs

00:50:05.199 --> 00:50:11.360
uh we uh i had um Because I had written a book

00:50:11.360 --> 00:50:15.940
based on Ruth, a novel, and then I had asked

00:50:15.940 --> 00:50:18.059
if I could also do a Bible study so people could

00:50:18.059 --> 00:50:21.880
have both, but at the time it had been rejected

00:50:21.880 --> 00:50:24.400
and I forgot all about it. Seven years later,

00:50:24.400 --> 00:50:26.820
they came to me right then and they said, would

00:50:26.820 --> 00:50:29.420
you come back and write that for us? And I was

00:50:29.420 --> 00:50:32.340
like, I can't do it, Lord, because I genuinely,

00:50:32.559 --> 00:50:35.820
I can't write a novel and do ministry and be

00:50:35.820 --> 00:50:38.219
a wife and then write a second book as well.

00:50:38.760 --> 00:50:44.360
And so at that point we felt the Lord was telling

00:50:44.360 --> 00:50:50.420
us, it's time to step out. And it was basically,

00:50:50.440 --> 00:50:52.619
you know, I'm a little younger than my husband

00:50:52.619 --> 00:50:58.800
and so I was a long way from retirement. It was

00:50:58.800 --> 00:51:01.800
a risk, but we didn't feel it was a risk because

00:51:01.800 --> 00:51:04.860
we felt very certain that God was calling me

00:51:04.860 --> 00:51:07.840
into full -time writing. And so that's what we

00:51:07.840 --> 00:51:12.300
did. We said goodbye to the church and we, you

00:51:12.300 --> 00:51:15.320
know, we go to church to worship now but not

00:51:15.320 --> 00:51:19.380
to work. And so that's how I became full -time

00:51:19.380 --> 00:51:23.380
because we... Again, we were praying about it

00:51:23.380 --> 00:51:27.059
and the Lord not only opened the door, but he

00:51:27.059 --> 00:51:33.559
just showed us in such absolute ways that we

00:51:33.559 --> 00:51:38.119
couldn't deny that he was saying, do this. So

00:51:38.119 --> 00:51:40.340
how many books do you have published at this

00:51:40.340 --> 00:51:49.320
point? I think I have 15. So it's 13 novels are

00:51:49.320 --> 00:51:54.119
out, two non -fictions, one Bible study and one

00:51:54.119 --> 00:51:56.739
devotional, which is the devotional is based

00:51:56.739 --> 00:52:01.400
on that season when I was going through my season

00:52:01.400 --> 00:52:07.840
of. burnout and anxiety and discouragement. And

00:52:07.840 --> 00:52:12.659
right now I finished the 14th novel and that's

00:52:12.659 --> 00:52:15.360
in the process of being edited and it will come

00:52:15.360 --> 00:52:18.559
out later this year. So as you look back over

00:52:18.559 --> 00:52:21.599
all the Lords brought you through, what's one

00:52:21.599 --> 00:52:24.679
message that you most want our listening friends

00:52:24.679 --> 00:52:29.519
to carry with them? I think, you know, I hope

00:52:29.519 --> 00:52:40.750
you were able to hear how very astounded I am

00:52:40.750 --> 00:52:44.909
by the faithfulness of God. That is, he's trustworthy

00:52:44.909 --> 00:52:50.449
and my life has not been pain -free and yours

00:52:50.449 --> 00:52:56.530
will not be either, but he's able to redeem things

00:52:56.530 --> 00:52:58.690
that you never thought were redeemable. He's

00:52:58.690 --> 00:53:01.570
able to restore to you things that you thought

00:53:01.570 --> 00:53:04.309
you had lost forever and give you a better version

00:53:04.309 --> 00:53:06.989
of them. So I had always wanted to be a romance

00:53:06.989 --> 00:53:09.829
novelist. What did God give me? He gave me a

00:53:09.829 --> 00:53:12.869
far better career. I always have romance in my

00:53:12.869 --> 00:53:16.809
novels, but the romance with God undergirds all

00:53:16.809 --> 00:53:21.030
of that. So it's a deeper thing. He's faithful

00:53:21.030 --> 00:53:25.550
to Walk with you through the hard times and bring

00:53:25.550 --> 00:53:29.369
you to the other side. You can lay the weight

00:53:29.369 --> 00:53:33.510
of your life on the shoulders of Jesus. And perhaps

00:53:33.510 --> 00:53:35.630
there's something going on in your life where

00:53:35.630 --> 00:53:38.110
you've forgotten that. And I just want to remind

00:53:38.110 --> 00:53:42.250
you that he is indeed faithful. He's preparing

00:53:42.250 --> 00:53:45.670
a way before you. He will anoint your head with

00:53:45.670 --> 00:53:48.190
oil in the presence of your enemy. So if you're

00:53:48.190 --> 00:53:51.190
under spiritual attack, He's still going to anoint

00:53:51.190 --> 00:53:53.489
your head with oil in the presence of your enemies.

00:53:54.170 --> 00:53:58.289
You can, you can trust him. Well, as we close

00:53:58.289 --> 00:54:02.110
Tessa, is there a woman in the Bible who's inspired

00:54:02.110 --> 00:54:04.829
or shaped your life, who's encouraged your story

00:54:04.829 --> 00:54:07.389
or taught you something along the way? I mean,

00:54:07.409 --> 00:54:11.010
you've written about several of them, so. Yes,

00:54:11.210 --> 00:54:13.530
I've written about several. I really have, but

00:54:13.530 --> 00:54:20.360
I think I would pick Ruth. superpower was what

00:54:20.360 --> 00:54:23.860
in Hebrew they call dabak and dabak basically

00:54:23.860 --> 00:54:28.400
means cling or cleave. It's what she did for

00:54:28.400 --> 00:54:31.519
Naomi. She clung to Naomi. But it's also the

00:54:31.519 --> 00:54:35.039
word that God uses for marriage, cleave to one

00:54:35.039 --> 00:54:39.510
another and God says Dabak to me in several passages.

00:54:39.510 --> 00:54:42.929
He's looking for people who know how to cling

00:54:42.929 --> 00:54:46.309
in a healthy attachment to others and to himself.

00:54:46.349 --> 00:54:49.730
And I think that was Ruth's superpower. So I

00:54:49.730 --> 00:54:54.510
always try to, on a daily basis, ask God, Lord,

00:54:54.530 --> 00:54:57.269
help me to attach to you in a healthy way, attach

00:54:57.269 --> 00:54:59.590
to others in a healthy way, and be an example

00:54:59.590 --> 00:55:01.829
of healthy attachment. Amen. Well, thank you

00:55:01.829 --> 00:55:04.150
so much for sharing your journey with us. What

00:55:04.150 --> 00:55:08.420
stands out so clearly is not just that God's

00:55:08.420 --> 00:55:11.940
faithful, but that He's so gracious in His faithfulness.

00:55:12.420 --> 00:55:16.079
He doesn't come and say, I'm faithful with a

00:55:16.079 --> 00:55:19.500
grudge, but He's so merciful in it. He's so loving

00:55:19.500 --> 00:55:21.840
in His graciousness and in His faithfulness.

00:55:22.119 --> 00:55:24.519
He doesn't pursue us because we earned it. He

00:55:24.519 --> 00:55:27.340
doesn't restore us only when we perform well.

00:55:27.820 --> 00:55:31.000
He doesn't call us because we're already strong.

00:55:31.380 --> 00:55:33.969
It's all because of His grace. So what we've

00:55:33.969 --> 00:55:37.190
heard today is a story of God who met a young

00:55:37.190 --> 00:55:39.789
woman who was searching for success and he revealed

00:55:39.789 --> 00:55:43.369
himself instead. A God who healed wounds that

00:55:43.369 --> 00:55:46.630
achievement could never fix. A God who restored

00:55:46.630 --> 00:55:49.510
a weary servant not with condemnation but with

00:55:49.510 --> 00:55:52.570
tenderness. And a God who redeemed rejection

00:55:52.570 --> 00:55:55.769
by speaking identity. That, my friend, is grace.

00:55:56.789 --> 00:55:59.889
And friends, he extends that same grace and faithfulness

00:55:59.889 --> 00:56:02.739
to you. Maybe you're in a season of searching

00:56:02.739 --> 00:56:06.500
or weary from serving or maybe you feel overlooked

00:56:06.500 --> 00:56:10.840
and uncertain about what comes next. The faithfulness

00:56:10.840 --> 00:56:14.320
of God is not dependent on your strength or your

00:56:14.320 --> 00:56:17.960
wisdom or your performance. His grace meets you

00:56:17.960 --> 00:56:21.260
exactly where you are. Scripture reminds us in

00:56:21.260 --> 00:56:24.000
1 Thessalonians 5 24, the one who calls you is

00:56:24.000 --> 00:56:29.559
faithful and he will do it. Not you, he. He will

00:56:29.559 --> 00:56:32.480
complete what he began, restore what feels fragile

00:56:32.480 --> 00:56:35.460
and establish your steps. I encourage you to

00:56:35.460 --> 00:56:38.440
set your hope on him and trust him one step at

00:56:38.440 --> 00:56:41.800
a time and rest in his grace. Tessa, would you

00:56:41.800 --> 00:56:43.800
take a moment to pray for our listening friends?

00:56:44.219 --> 00:56:48.159
Dear Heavenly Father, would you come alongside

00:56:48.159 --> 00:56:54.559
of this dear one? Would you press her closer

00:56:54.559 --> 00:56:59.079
to you? Press them closer to you. Help your dear

00:56:59.079 --> 00:57:03.579
one to see the grace you have for them, the forgiveness.

00:57:04.500 --> 00:57:07.940
Help your dear one to know that you have a future

00:57:07.940 --> 00:57:11.380
and a plan beyond what they can think or imagine.

00:57:12.699 --> 00:57:17.480
I ask, O Lord, that you would increase hope and

00:57:17.480 --> 00:57:20.340
that you would bring deliverance where we desperately

00:57:20.340 --> 00:57:23.960
need it. We pray all this in Jesus' name who

00:57:23.960 --> 00:57:28.519
loved us and made a way for us. Amen. Amen. And

00:57:28.519 --> 00:57:31.420
now, dear friends, let me speak a familiar blessing

00:57:31.420 --> 00:57:35.340
over you from Numbers 6, 24 through 26. May the

00:57:35.340 --> 00:57:39.320
Lord bless you and keep you. May he make his

00:57:39.320 --> 00:57:42.460
face shine upon you and be gracious to you. May

00:57:42.460 --> 00:57:45.460
the Lord turn his face toward you and give you

00:57:45.460 --> 00:57:48.260
peace. Friends, thank you so much for joining

00:57:48.260 --> 00:57:51.000
us today at Her God Story. If today's conversation

00:57:51.000 --> 00:57:53.699
encouraged you, please like or share this episode

00:57:53.699 --> 00:57:56.340
and consider subscribing to the podcast so you

00:57:56.340 --> 00:57:58.579
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00:57:58.579 --> 00:58:01.199
wonderful guests. I also invite you to visit

00:58:01.199 --> 00:58:03.219
Her God Story for the show notes and to learn

00:58:03.219 --> 00:58:05.940
more about Tessa and her books. And while you're

00:58:05.940 --> 00:58:08.420
there, you can also become part of the growing

00:58:08.420 --> 00:58:11.099
company of men and women who are extending God's

00:58:11.099 --> 00:58:13.980
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00:58:13.980 --> 00:58:15.679
the world through the Widow and Orphan Fund.

00:58:16.030 --> 00:58:18.570
Together, we are putting His faithfulness into

00:58:18.570 --> 00:58:21.829
action. And if you find yourself needing prayer

00:58:21.829 --> 00:58:24.469
today, please don't hesitate to reach out. You

00:58:24.469 --> 00:58:28.170
can call or text our 24 -7 prayer line anytime

00:58:28.170 --> 00:58:34.369
at 855 -459 -CARE or email us at prayer at somebodycares

00:58:34.369 --> 00:58:37.510
.org. We would be honored to stand with you and

00:58:37.510 --> 00:58:40.289
believe God for His peace, direction, and provision

00:58:40.289 --> 00:58:43.340
in your life. Thank you for listening. Until

00:58:43.340 --> 00:58:45.800
next time, remember, no matter what chapter you're

00:58:45.800 --> 00:58:48.320
in right now, God is gracious. He is faithful,

00:58:48.579 --> 00:58:52.000
and He is still writing your story. Her God Story

00:58:52.000 --> 00:58:54.960
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