Crianza positiva

0:03 Why the affective relationships I have are not stable. I like assertiveness, why it invites us to prudence that what should motivate our word is always love is You and that is already the basis to go out to conquer many goals, to fight, to give a better version and enjoy life fully. You know many times through email, social networks and the different spaces where I meet you, you ask me about the characteristics of an effective parenting process. I accept to be asked about that subject and try to respond because although I am not a father and I am not because of a free and conscious decision I made at the beginning of my adult state, as I began to exercise the Presbyteral Ministry in the Catholic Church. But I have worked with many young people throughout my life, I have accompanied many parents and many young people in their upbringing process and, in addition, I have read and worked a lot on this

1:34 topic. That is why I dare to put forward some characteristics of that formation, of that process of effective upbringing. Knowing that there are no magic formulas, knowing that everything also depends on contextualization and the way you live, I have to say that I understand parenting as a process of progressive accompaniment, of acquisition, of autonomy. That is to say, for me the objective of a good upbringing process is that the child should be free, autonomous, responsible.

2:25 The process is accompanying, because it is there as a reference, as a model of life, as a guide. He is there as someone who with his example and with his words illuminates the existence of the child, but also as someone who is experiencing that process of progressive autonomy. It is not autonomous in the same way at the age of five as at the age of fifteen as at the age of thirty. That has to be clear in the parenting process. I really like what they call positive parenting, that one that focuses on the healthy and harmonious development of children, both in the physical aspect and in the emotional, social and cognitive aspect. It seems to me that we could think of five characteristics of that parenting process. First of all, the basis is always love. The daughter is accompanied in that process for love.

3:43 You have children out of love and it is the basis of love that is expressed in understanding. Parents who practice positive parenting are loving, understanding, spending time with their children, listening attentively, and striving to understand their needs and feelings, depending on the moment of their life. It' s love. Don' t tell me the intention is for me to be a good man, a good woman. Don' t tell me those words we' ve learned. You' re not there raising him because you love him, because you love her. The second characteristic is, without doubt, an open and honest communication, an open and honest dialogue, that is, parents, guardians must talk to their children about their expectations, their limits, their values, and they must do so in a clear and affectionate way. Watch this because you have to know that children cannot be fooled, you cannot build myths that they then check are not true. They should be spoken to honestly,

5:19 with respect, with love and expressed expectations, rules and values. That' s the way it has to be. In those days he would listen to someone who would say if you told a child, you would tell him that a mouse came for his tooth and left him money. He believes it. If you tell a child that Santa claus or Papa noel who is beautiful in a chariot carriage pulled by reindeer and brings him gifts, he believes it, well, well. Same way. If you do. That kid tells him he' s gross, he' s dumb, he has no chance.

6:09 He' s gonna believe it. That is why dialogue must be respectful, loving and honest. The third characteristic is undoubtedly discipline or clear limits. Hey, kids need clear boundaries. Those limits are the ones that allow you to feel safe. Those limits are the ones that allow them to be clear about what they are expecting from them. When we meet these parents who do not draw boundaries that they are afraid to set rules, we find parents who are forming insecure children, children who will not be able to share with society because they do not know how far the rules go. It is necessary to propose clear limits that are discussed with them that are announced and from which a sanction arises when they are not able to meet them. The fourth characteristic is what we might call correction, and it is certainly a positive correction. It' s not abuse. I don' t believe in violence in any way, verbal or physical towards children. Children need to have a limit, a limit,

7:41 and they need to understand that there are consequences of if they do not meet those limits, to learn to self- regulate, to learn to resolve conflicts, to learn to make decisions. Parents show these consequences and sanctions have to be learning experiences. They cannot be unscathed, they cannot be manifestations of anger, rage, hatred. They certainly don' t have to be learning experiences. For them, a fifth characteristic is that autonomy must be encouraged.

8:26 I insist that it is progressive, but it must be encouraged so that they can go on making decisions from the smallest to the largest, which they will have to make as adults little by little, but calmly. One day I met my sister who proposed to Ivan the son. It was a Saturday and I proposed to the son they had to go to a children' s party and offer him four pints and tell him which one you put on and then I asked him and why me, because he has to go making those decisions.

9:07 There' s a limit. There are four of them, they are not infinite, but he has to make decisions and he has to go. For me, these five characteristics are fundamental in a parenting process. Now I would add one more that I developed the other day in one of the columns that I write for the newspaper, El Heraldo de Barranquilla, and it is spirituality. How to find spiritual practices that help the child' s formation, not to subject him to the empire of guilt, not to frighten him, not to make him live in a fantasy and magical world, not to help him develop and train his spiritual skills. I recommend that article, that column I published in the newspaper El Heraldo Hey. Thank you for being there and thank you for sharing this moment with me. You know bom Bux.