Dec. 4, 2025

How Predators Groom Kids: 10 Red Flags to Never Ignore, episode 11

EP 11. Veteran ICAC investigator Kevin Cronister returns to expose the 10-step grooming playbook predators use online. In this eye-opening conversation, we break down the exact red flags kids and parents must recognize — and how to interrupt the process before real harm occurs. This episode is designed so you can even listen with your kids to help them spot danger, speak up, and stay safe.

Predators don’t just “get lucky” online—they follow a methodical, 10-step grooming playbook. In this episode, veteran ICAC investigator Kevin Cronister walks us through the exact steps predators use to groom kids and how we, as parents, can spot the red flags early and interrupt the process before serious harm occurs.

We have the fabulous Kevin Cronister back with us today for round two of our conversation—and this episode is a big one.

In our last episode together, we talked about how predators use online games like Roblox, Fortnite, and Minecraft to connect with kids. Today, we’re going even deeper. Kevin is walking us through what we’re calling “The Predator’s Playbook”—the step-by-step grooming process predators use to build trust, isolate kids, and slowly push them into dangerous situations.

Kevin is a veteran ICAC (Internet Crimes Against Children) investigator. He’s gone undercover, spoken directly with offenders, and seen thousands of these cases play out in real life. He’s also one of only about 100–200 ICAC officers sorting through more than 36 million child exploitation tips reported to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC).

So, when he says grooming is methodical and predictable—we need to listen.

The more we understand this grooming pattern, the better we can prepare and protect our children. And we recorded this conversation in a way that you can listen with your kids if you want them to understand the red flags too.

I don’t want you to walk away from this episode feeling scared.
I want you to walk away thinking:

“Whatever. You cannot groom me or my kids—because now I know what the heck is going on.”

That’s the energy here.

Bible Verse for This Episode

“Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.”
— Ephesians 5:11 (NIV)

Today, we are exposing the heck out of darkness. We’re shining light on the exact tactics predators use so our kids—and we as parents—can recognize grooming and shut it down.

Key Questions This Episode Answers

If you’re a parent, grandparent, teacher, or kid yourself, this episode helps you understand:

What online grooming actually is—and the 10-step pattern predators commonly follow
How predators build trust, become the “fun adult,” and slowly isolate kids from parents
The subtle tactics they use—jokes, animal videos, gifts, games, and secrets—to desensitize and control kids
How kids end up sending risky images, and why they feel shame and responsibility that traps them
How parents can interrupt the grooming pattern early, even if you’ve never talked about grooming before

What You’ll Learn

By the end of this episode, you’ll:

Understand the 10-step grooming playbook predators commonly use
Recognize how grooming often starts with trust and friendship, not threats
Learn how predators use gifts, secrets, and shame to gain control
See why frequent, non-judgy conversations with your kids are your best defense
Learn a simple way to explain grooming to your kids without going into graphic detail
Be encouraged that it’s never too late to start new tech and communication habits at home

The 10-Step Grooming Playbook (What Predators Actually Do)

Kevin explains that predators are not random. They are incredibly methodical. Here’s the 10-step grooming process he sees again and again.

1. Build Trust and Friendship

First, predators work hard to become the “fun adult” or the person who “really gets” your child.

They might play video games with your child.
They show up consistently.
They are more fun, less strict, and more available than busy parents.

Your child starts to think, “This person understands me. They’re my friend.”

2. Gain Access and Isolation

Next, they slowly isolate your child from you or other safe adults.

They might say things like:

“Oh, you got grounded? Your mom sounds so strict.”
“I would never have disciplined you for that. That’s not a big deal.”

They want your child to see them as the “understanding adult” and you as the “problem.” They’re also testing what home life is like and looking for kids who may feel misunderstood, lonely, or upset at home.

3. Test Boundaries and Desensitize

Once trust is built, they test your child’s boundaries.

They might make a “slightly inappropriate” joke.
They send a silly animal video—but it’s actually dogs mating or something with sexual overtones.
They watch: Does your child push back, or do they laugh it off?

If your child has a strong negative reaction (“That’s gross, don’t send that”), predators often back off and go find another target.
If your child laughs or seems unbothered, they keep going—and slowly desensitize your child to sexual content.

4. Give Gifts and Special Treatment

Next comes special treatment:

In video games, that might be gifting skins, characters, or in-game currency.
They compliment and “reward” your child often.

This creates a sense of obligation:

“I don’t really want to play today, but he gave me that skin yesterday and wants to see me use it… I feel like I should get on.”

Kids are inherently gracious. They don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings—especially someone who’s been “nice” to them.

5. Create Secrets

Then predators begin to introduce secrets.

They might say a swear word or something inappropriate and then tell your child, “You can’t tell anyone. I’ll get in trouble.”
Or, “If your parents find out, they won’t let you play with me anymore.”

The message to your child:
“We have something just between us.”

Now your child is being tested: Will they keep secrets from you for this adult?

6. Manipulate Emotions: Guilt, Fear, and Shame

At this point, manipulation ramps up.

Predators start to use:

Guilt: “You don’t want me to get in trouble, do you?”
Fear: “If you tell, I’ll get in big trouble—and so will you.”
Shame: “Remember, you thought that video was funny. If you tell on me, you’re kind of telling on yourself too.”

Kids can start thinking:

“Maybe I’m just as bad as this person. Maybe I am inappropriate.”

Now your child feels ashamed, confused, and less likely to tell you what’s going on.

7. Move to Other Apps and Platforms

Then predators work to move the conversation off the game and onto a messaging app:

Telegram
Instagram DMs
Other chat or social platforms

Why? Because it’s easier to:

Talk more privately
Send photos and videos
Avoid the game’s built-in safety tools

This is where conversations often become more explicitly sexual.

8. Exploit Family and Community Relationships

Predators don’t always stop with one child.

They might:

Start playing with siblings too
Reference siblings or friends as “proof” that it’s no big deal

Things like:

“Your big brother doesn’t mind what we talk about. Why are you making it weird?”

This can make your child feel odd or overreactive, and even more likely to keep quiet.

9. Gradual Exposure to Explicit Sexual Content

Now comes the explicit material.

Predators might:

Ask for “innocent” photos at first (like a swimsuit picture)
Comment on those pictures to create shame and leverage
Slowly push for more explicit images or videos

Then comes blackmail:

“If you don’t send something more, I’ll show everyone this picture of you and embarrass you.”

Kids often think very simply:

“If I don’t do this, he’ll do that. So I have to do this.”

And the cycle spirals.

10. Make the Child Feel Responsible

Finally, predators flip the script and blame the child.

“You’re the one who sent the video.”
“You didn’t stop me from talking about these things—we both wanted it.”

At this point, the predator has:

Compromising images or videos
Emotional leverage through shame and secrets
Lies about how “everyone else” thinks it’s no big deal

Kevin calls this a “multifaceted web of control.”

And if you don’t have solid communication rhythms at home, a lot of this can happen without you noticing obvious outward signs.

Why Knowing the Pattern Changes Everything

Here’s the hopeful part:

Because this process is predictable, we have opportunities to interrupt it.

Kevin explains that:

The earlier you recognize the pattern,
The sooner you can step in,
The less emotional and psychological damage your child will carry.

If you catch it before any images are shared, you may “only” be dealing with uncomfortable conversations and some shame to work through—rather than blackmail and escalating abuse.

Knowledge really is a shield here.

Tips for Starting the Grooming Conversation with Your Kids

Never talked about grooming before? Kevin shares a simple starting point he uses with his own kids:

Teach this principle:
“No adult should want to have a private conversation with you—online or offline.”

You don’t even have to start with sexual content. You can simply talk about boundaries with adults:

“If an adult ever wants to talk to you alone—online or in person—that’s a red flag.”
“In real life, it would be weird if a random adult said, ‘Let’s go over here and talk, just us.’ The same is true online.”

This keeps the conversation age-appropriate, especially for younger kids, while still building a solid safety foundation.

A Weekly Habit That Protects Your Kids

Kevin also shares a powerful habit from his own home:

He regularly says to his son, “Hey dude, bring me your phone.”
They sit together and go through the device.
He asks calm, curious questions:
- “Hey, I saw an Amazon search for swimsuits—what were you looking for?”

Over time, this normalizes:

That Dad will look
That nothing is off-limits for conversation

The result?
His son now voluntarily brings him the phone and says:

“Dad, I’m being tempted to look at some things I shouldn’t. Can you take my phone for the night?”

That is such a huge win.

And if you haven’t done any of this yet—it’s not too late.

Yes, there might be pushback from a 13-year-old who isn’t used to these rules. But Kevin reminds us: that frustration is temporary. One day, your child will see these boundaries as love, not control.

Guest Resources & Links

Learn more from Kevin and access additional tools here:

Kids Digital Health Hub: Resources, documents, videos, and online courses to help parents and teachers stay educated about kids’ digital safety.
Website: www.kidsdigitalhealthhub.com
Screen Guardians Podcast: Hosted by Kevin Cronister. Real-life cases and digital safety strategies to help you see what’s really happening online—and how to respond.

Final Thoughts

Grooming is dark. It’s heavy. And yes, it feels incredibly icky to even think about adults doing this to kids.

But it exists. And pretending it doesn’t doesn’t keep our kids safer.

Here’s the good news:

Grooming follows a pattern.
Patterns can be recognized.
And when we recognize them, we can interrupt them.

When we talk to our kids, stay connected, and create open, judgment-free conversations, we shine light into the dark corners predators count on.

Knowledge is a shield.

You are not powerless.
You can protect your kids—and I’m here to walk alongside you as you do.

Help Me Spread the Light

Together, we can be the light God calls us to be.

If this episode encouraged or equipped you, would you:

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Every share helps another family see the risk more clearly—and feel more hopeful and empowered.

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About the Host, Sarah Panus

Sarah Panus is a Christian mom, the host of KEEP KIDS SAFE and Marketing With Empathy® (a top 5% podcast globally), owner of the content marketing consulting company Kindred Speak, and a passionate advocate for protecting children.

She’s on a mission to equip Christian parents with hope-filled, practical ways to keep kids safe in today’s world.

Sarah lives in Minnesota with her husband, two kids, and their Golden Retriever.