From Farm to Failing Heart: Building a Marriage That Survives Anything

0:01 This program is designed to provide general information with regards to the subject matters covered. This information is given with the understanding that neither the hosts, guests, sponsors, or station are engaged in rendering any specific and personal medical, financial, legal counseling, professional service, or any advice. You should seek the services of competent professionals before applying or trying any suggested ideas. I have spent years in conversation with people who are successful by every measure and still quietly restless, not broken, not lost, just aware somewhere underneath the noise that there is a version of their life that feels more honest or grounded, more genuinely theirs. This podcast exists for those people, for the ones who are done performing and ready to go deeper. My name is doctor Doug. Welcome to Inspire Vision.

0:58 I am glad you are here. Galen, welcome to the show. It's my pleasure to be here. Doctor dud Hey, I'm really excited about it. I think you have some insights that I think are so important, particularly to those who have gone past a certain age. You're trying to figure out what to do with your life, which you and I are kind of both in that situation. So anyway, I love for you just to share with the audits briefly who you are and a little bit about your background. Okay, well, I'm Galen Wilson. I was married at twenty had four kids by the time I was twenty six. I was a farmer all during my twenties and my life has been a series. I was on a box podcast the other day that was kind of a gaming podcast, and the guy said, Jalen, you're a real life RPG player.

1:51 You've had six character wipes in your life. You had to reinvent your character. And so of course I had a heart transplant eight years ago that's given me another twenty plus years with my soulmate. So wow, that's right. I just feel so blessed. Well, and that's wonderful. And you know what I find interesting, and this is not even on the topic that we were going to talk about. You talk about your experience as a farmer, and you know, living here in Thailand and seeing the work ethic that has been developed among some, not all, but among some were that farming really taught them to work ethic. And I'd love for you to just quickly share what your experience was and what type of work ethic did you learn from that?

2:45 Yeah, my dad passed on to me and insane work ethic. Like I said, I had four kids by the time I was twenty six. I didn't start college until after I was twenty six, So around twenty seven twenty eight, I was actually farming a dry land farm, an irrigated farm. I had a business where I sharpened implements for farmers. I had a roofing business and taking seventeen credit hours at the college and wouldn't let myself get less than a four point zero average. So I was a little over the top. Yeah, so yeah, I got the insane farmer work ethic.

3:27 Oh that's great. So talk a little bit about what happened in twenty fourteen. Okay, my wife and I had been traveling doing computer field service work and another one of the things that I had reinvented myself into, and we were actually we hooked up with an outfit out of West Virginia that sent us all over the United States going to farm service agency offices in the county seats. And so we had just come back off of the seventeen week trip and it was around Christmas time, I got really sick, and so I went into the little clinic. We live in a town of seventy five hundred, so we have a hard time getting good medical personnel down here. And so the physicians assistant that I saw at the clinic says, okay, mister Wilson, you've got pneumonia. Here's some antibiotics. And he didn't send me for chest X ray, which I found out later was a big no no for diagnosing pneumonia.

4:24 And so we had another three and a half month trip planned in January, and so by the time it was time to go on the trip, the stuff coming up out of my lungs was clear, and so I decide, hey, we're good to go, and so we left and but as we went I just got weaker and weaker and weaker and weaker. Until six weeks into the trip, we were in Corpus Christi, Texas, and it was President's Day, so this FSA office was closed. So I said, let's go into let's find us a walking clinic and see if the pneumonia is coming back. And because I I had a little ten pound bag of tools that I'd have to carry in and send it on the counter and suck air for two minutes before I could tell them why I was there, and so I went in.

5:10 They did send me for the chest stakes ray. They called me back that afternoon, says mister Wilson, you don't have pneumonia, You've got congesti park failure. You need to get home to Colorado today. So that virus I had had around Christmas time had attacked my heart, and because it went untreated for six weeks, it just had gotten worse and worse and worse and worse. And so so poor Heather, she's from a town of three hundred here in Colorado, and she had to drive all the way back because I was just gone at that point. I'm just too weak to even drive, and so she drove me all the way home. Took us two or three days to get home, and we went into the little hospital here, which is basically a triage hospital. And so as soon as I walked in and said I've got a heart problem, they said, well, okay, mister Wilson, the ambulance be here to take you to Colorada Spring. And so they got me to the springs, into the er and and we've you know, a normal healthy human heart puts out fifty to sixty percent out of the left chamber every time it beats. Mine was putting out five. Wow.

6:16 So I was knocking on death's door really hard. And so they gave me Lasik, which is a diuretic, and took off twenty two pounds in two days. So that's how much water had been around my heart and lungs. Wow. And the doctor was explained to me and until I said so, in other words, my heart and lungs got in a ballroom fight in the middle of a pool. He said, yeah, pretty much. And so they put in a defibriator pacemaker in me and put me on heartbeds, And by that summer I was up to thirty percent ejection fraction. So I wasn't running any foot races, but I felt for pretty decent. In fact, I put a four thousand square foot roof on my dad's house that summer.

7:03 Crazy work ethic, yeah, And so but then the next January, my heart started going into apib that's where the top part doesn't beat in synchrony with the bottom part. So when your heart's week and it doesn't beat properly, you get to be a sick. Man very quickly, and so they had to cardiovert me. And for your audience, that's where they take the little paddles and shocked you back into rhythm, or in this case, they just put stickers on me and put me to sleep. Did it where it's when it's non emergency, And so I ended up happening to have that done six or eight times over the next two and a half years. The first two years after the virus attacked, Heather and I were still able to be intimate some like a couple of times a week. But by two years in my heart had gotten so bad that intimacy just became out of the question.

8:00 And so a lot of we had had twelve years together before the buyerus had attacked, and we had always been really close, really had a deep connection from the very beginning. We basically never left the romance face for that twelve years. That's amazing, Yeah. It is amazing, but it and has built, it built the foundation that has brought me to this exact point, because as we you know, a lot of couples when they get into these long long It took us three and a half years from the time of the virus attacked these long drawn out health issues, the thick person often pushes their caregiver away, or the caregiver just gets so exhausted that they just give up and leave.

8:47 Yeah, and in twenty eighteen one. Well, I first of all, Heather never hitted it wanting out. She stuck by me and just nursed me right up to the very end. And so I set her down on June nineteenth of twenty eighteen, at nine o'clock at night, told her, Honey, I'm not going to be here in two to three months. We need to get ready. We'd been to the mortuary once and need to go make some final decisions. I'd had my defibriator go off for the first time three weeks previous and saved my life, and I could just tell I wasn't I'd only been on the list seven months, and so I could the handwriting was on the wall. I wasn't going to get a heart before I was gone, because a lot of people die while they were on that list. And so I just told her that. She was bawling her eyes out because I just told her I was dying on her.

9:36 Half an hour after I told her that, we got to call her. Was the heart available, and so so we grabbed our to go bag like a little pregnant like a pregnant couple keeps, and away we went to Denver and we were having an Eastern Colorado hailstorm that night, so it was raining and Hayleen outside and she had switched from crying because she was sad to crying because she was excited and scared. And I don't know how fast she went, because they had given us till one thirty in the morning to get there, and so we got there one fifteen, and I think she I think she rather exceeded the speed limit on especially once she got past the rainstorm and on to the interstate, and honestly, it worked.

10:19 So yeah, So you know, you you've talked about, just very briefly, a couple of things. But one of the things that I find is difficult for people. I mean, you've been you've been a farmer, you've been doing all of these other things so literally, and then your heart attack. You've been sick for four years and then all of a sudden, a new reinvention, a new start, a new beginning in your life again. So I wanted I want you to talk a little bit about how does someone reinvent themselves or realize that because something dramatic has happened in their life, and oftentimes negative dramatic, then they literally and have a new beginning, start again, reinvite themselves. How did you do that? And what are some suggestions you make the people who are experiencing that and struggling with it.

11:16 Well, first of all, you know, I feel so blessed to have been given another twenty plus years with my soulmate. Yes, and then on top of that being becoming we have discovered how to become so one that we have become each other's refuge from all the crazy in the world. And that's what marriage is really supposed to be, a refuge from all the outside world. And so I felt this my type a personality again kicks in with you need to pay this blessing forward. And so about three years after the transplant, I was getting to be about sixty five. I had developed directile dysfunction at forty four, but Niagara had been miraculous for me for the whole time and even after the transplant. Within thirty days of the transplant, my donor was a thirty eight year old that was into snowboarding and inline skating in the extreme sports.

12:17 So his ejection fraction was sixty seven is still sixty seven percent, and so we were able to start making love again just a month after the transplant. But as we as I aged for my erectal dysfunction started getting worse. So I had joined two groups to become that were for a rectile dysfunction discussion on Facebook, and I started getting so involved with helping other guys because first of all, I found my fix was, which was shockwave therapy. You can buy a little machine that rebuilds the vessels and valves and fixes it. But then I started pushing it a lot in the group and getting really involved with the group. And the man that had the larger group was about thirty five hundred. Then he had been doing had founded the group eight years previous, and he was just done. And so I went to a He was letting a lot of spam go on in the group and you know, a lot of snake oil being sold, and so I went to him and offered to be an administrator for him, and he said, no, you can have it. Wow, And so he gave that.

13:29 Group, I'm going to interrupt you here because Okay, I recognize as part of your reinvention, but I want to talk about you know, obviously, if someone is experiencing that for til this one, it really creates a need for reinvention. But but there are so many other things that happened in people's life. In your case, it was you know, the heart situation in the heart trink. For other people it's a divorce. For other people, it's other types of physical illness, some lose a job. There are so many things that can occur for someone that they sit back and can get extremely depressed, discouraged. How what are your thoughts, because you have reinvented yourself so many times, what are your thoughts that you would share with someone who is at this point right now, so frustrated and so you know, what am I going to do with my life?

14:24 Right? What are suggestions? How do you help them to understand how they literally can reinvent their life. Well, the first thing is, I truly believe that the greatest gift this life has to offer is a strong romantic, sexual friendship and spiritual relationship with one woman who you become incredibly one with. And I can't discount Heather's part in this because we have found that, and we had found that actually during the twelve years, we just we didn't have a name for the monument method then. But I also believe that anything you're doing in your life that is not serving that goal is liable to leave you empty. And so that's that's the biggest thing I have to say to people going through this is and it doesn't necessarily have to be a spouse. It can be your loved ones. You know, you've got to find support in it, find.

15:23 Support of someone who really loves you and is willing. To support you. And exactly. Yeah, in today's society, these marriages are very difficult. I do, I know what the divorce rate is now, but and the younger generation are not getting married. Yeah, for that very reason, I suspect. So what were some of the things is we to talk about relationships and let's let's keep it both with marriage as well as just relationships where they empty sided to be together but not get married, or even family or deep deep friendships. What what are some of the things. That you found as you developed that relationship with your wife?

16:05 What were some of the steps that you followed, both communication wise and otherwise to help you build that relationship to the point where there was really that deep trust, that deep love, and that deep support that helped me. Okay, okay, Well, so one of my frustrating parts of administrating the groups was when a woman would come into the group and it was the same story over and over with just different women that their man had developed ed and refused to go to the doctor and had cut her off completely from all affection, you know, all emotional support. He was abandoned right in the marriage. And I couldn't do much but to empathize with these women.

16:49 I didn't know why these men were doing that, And so I actually got Heather and I into a course to become certified Thriving Relationship coaches. And the very first book we read was Hold Me Tight by doctor Sue Johnson, and in it she talks about attachment theory, and her attachment theory is is that we were bred through thousands of years of prehistoric evolution to have an instinct for a strong attachment to our mate, that those people that didn't have it didn't survive and their offspring didn't survive. So it got brought forward into modern man as an instinct that's just as strong as our need for food or need for water. And so then she went on to say that most of the fights we get into are not about what we're fighting about. It's because that attachment instinct has detected a threat to the attachment and has thrown our bodies into fight or flight mode. So you get both partners in fight or flight mode. Logic leaves the building, and so things get said that they Logic leaves the building and leaves the lizard brain in control.

17:51 I say, so the lizard brain says things that aren't true and things that are hard to take back. And so eventually, as if the if the couple doesn't learn to repair that, they just end up getting their nervous system starts learning that it's not safe with the partner, and so they just drift further and further and further away. And so I got together with Heather and I said, how do we stop triggering each other's attachment theory? And so the first thing I thought of was, well, we need to watch what tone we talk to each other, you know, because sometimes you talk to your loved one like they're the worst person on the planet and you get away with it because they love you. But you're triggering that attachment instinct when you do that. And so we gave each other permission, and that was that permission is the big key to all of this, because you've got to we believe we're building this big, beautiful monument to our relationship. So every kind word and loving gesture, and especially when you make love with presence, you're building on your monument. And so each cruel word or cold shoulder or fight you get into like taking a hammer and chizsel to your monument. And so we decided that we needed to fiercely protect our monument. That's the monument Method Institute motto is fiercely protect the monument. Yes, And so we started we gave each other permission to call each other out when we were using tongue, like honey, did you really need to say that in that tone?

19:23 And so we started working on that and not helped, but we were still getting in the fights and getting in in fighter flight mode, and so I got thinking further on it. How do we stop ourselves from getting in fight or flight? And so what I came up with is we gave each other a sacred word, and ours's monument, and so whatever either one of us seizes, heading towards the monument with the hammer and chisel. In other words, when we've said something that's going to start a fight, the other one can call monument, not only to remind us that the monument is more important than our ego and more important than winning a marital fight, which nobody wins anyway, and so and then it also serves we've agreed ahead of time that anytime monument gets called, we stop the fight no matter what. But you don't separate when you call monument, because if you separate and calm down a little bit and come back together and boom, you're right back in fight or flight mode again. So the way we learn to keep each other out of fight or flight is instead we turned towards each other, approach, touch these other's arms, embrace and gaze into each other's eyes, and patch that little spot on the monument. So what that does. The science behind that is is when you connect with your lover like that, it goes into that primal brain. It says you're safe, your attachment is safe, you can stand down, and so then the nervous system

20:55 takes you out of fight or flight, and logic re enters the building and you can logically talk about what you were getting ready to have a big bite about. And so you know, that's what people can do that are feeling so desperate and so depressed, is they need to find somebody that they can connect with on that deep a level, because it's it's actually quite healing because once you start practicing it, and it does take practice, because we seem. To be wired to fight, well, it takes practice, but it also takes two people. Exactly the thing that has really come up as I've interviewed so many people, particularly unfocused on relationships, that it takes two people if one is willing and the other one is not all of a sudden, or if they're emotional quotion, if they're you know, emotional intelligence is low and stuck, it doesn't work. And you know, as you're talking about this and again you keep going back because this is your life and your experience with your wife, you know, with your spouse and so forth. So but here's what comes into my mind.

22:01 All right, I've got four kids. You said you have four. Also, yeah, I. Had four with my first life. And then I wait completely insane and married a seventeen year younger woman with three little ones sod. Okay, So, and then I don't know how you know I've got I've got four brothers and one sister. So let's say someone who's not married, not necessarily in a relationship, is kind of alone, and yet they have children, or they have brothers or sisters. You can't sit and touch each other, hug each other, look each other in the eye, and you'll do that. So I don't want you to talk about just based on what experience you might have with this, is how do you help someone who's at this point in time a little lonely, living alone, but they do have a potential source relationship source, whether it's with children, or whether it's with brothers or sisters or or whatever, or even with a good friend. How do they do it? It kind of moves away from the monument method for marriage. How do they do it in a way that they can start to redevelop a relationship, to feel support and to move away from that tremendous difficult situation of feeling lonely.

23:21 Yeah, so we're going to go back to my biggest frustration with those women that entered the group. Okay, because they were as separated as they could be. And so I've actually written three books. Once Rebuilt for his eyes only, and it gives him the ed ladder of how to fix the ed, but it also gives him the monument method on how to repair his relationship. And the third thing is I challenge him to become master lovers. And because so many women in the group have told me that their man became a much better lover after he got ed because he wasn't concentrating on performance, he was concentrating on being present and so but these women, I actually wrote the book Anchor for her eyes only, and it talks about, first of all, getting herself on solid emotional ground, because first of all, the very first thing that most women think the second their man loses the direction is it must be me. And then the second thing is that he must be having an affair and doesn't want me any and neither one of those are usually true. And so once she gets to understand what's going on in his head, is she the book teaches her to recognize the fact that he that man that I thought was a coward for abandoning her, is actually been thrown into fight or flight with the second he lost his first direction, his primal brain said, dude, you're going to lose your wife, and so it's thrown him

24:54 into fight or flight. And so the only way she can get him out of that is is by approaching him with non sexual touches, you know, with as much eye gazing as heal letter do and slowly start to get his nervous system to feel regulated again. And so I think that's what these people that are extremely depressed are going to need to do, is just start reaching out to people and not being aggressive about it, but saying, hey, you know I need you, you know, come help me. Well, and you mentioned something that you didn't get into it, and that is needing to work on yourself. And I think that that can be so important because so often we find ourselves in emotional levels that we get stuck in.

25:45 We find ourselves not really recognizing that there's so many imprints in our lives from childhood, et cetera that are subconscious that cause us to react in particular way. So how important is it for that self work to be done so that then when you start to approach someone in seeking help developing that relationship, how important is that that they actually take the responsibility to work on themselves first. Yeah, it's highly important. In fact, you were talking about how crazy the dating or dating culture is in this world now, and especially among younger kids. And so I've actually written two books, The Monument Man and Monument Woman, to train these older men and women that have had a failed relationship not to build on chemistry, but to build on structure. And one of the things I talk about is doing the self work to make sure that you're worthy of building a monument with somebody, that you've done the work to where somebody can take a risk on you. Because that's what's happening now is people out there just taking a risk. A lot of that is due to because they're building on chemistry instead of structure, and so chemistry only lasts. You know, me and Heather were the outlier where we stayed in the romance phase for twelve years. The normal romance phase last last six

27:18 months to two years. And funny thing, that's how long most really a lot of relationships last. Is that exactly because they they and one of the big problems is people going to bed together too quickly. And this is not from a moral standpoint, this is just from a physiological standpoint, when you go to bed quick with somebody, your hormones take over and blind you to all the red flags. Yeah, and so she goes, oh, she gets the oxytocin and says, oh, I love him. But yeah, yeah, I agree totally that you've got to do the self work. You know that during my lifetime, I had the farm farm drought to in my last three years were crop failures.

28:03 That was an farm bankruptcy into that. And then I got into stockbroker and I had every one of my clients, including three thousand dollars of my mother's money, in a little dental HMO in California that turned out it was lying on its financials and file chapter seven. Yeah. Yeah, and so all my clients lost all And I can name the Monday in nineteen ninety that I crawled inside a vodka battle for ten years and that was not the way to chill. And so, and it all comes back around to trying to find that person. You've got to find that person. We can't do this alone. We can't.

28:44 That's true. So there's one you know, you have reached a certain point in your life with your wife and so forth that you're obviously have developed a monument method. You're trying to help people, you know, it comes to that point of compassion and trying to help people, And what have you experienced or what stories can you share about how compassion towards another individual can not only change your own life, but it also can change someone else's life, which ultimately gets passed down generation through generation. Right, And I go back to my years by five and a half years of administrating those ZD groups, because I worked probably twenty hours a week through the last five years helping guys, men and women in those groups without ever charging a single dying and a lot of them were from third ruld countries where the healthcare wasn't really good or they weren't even allowed to talk about it because it was so taboom. And so I was helping a lot of people that just didn't have any other source to find the help.

29:54 You've got someone you talked about in Ghana, can you share that story with us. Yes, his name is before Emmanual, his nicknames Pope because he was the very first person, first one of his family to go to college, and so when he went to college, he didn't have any interest in chasing the girls. He was there to get his education, and so his his classmates, the male classmates, started calling him the Pope because he would celibate, and so he had come to the group. Oh gosh early on, within that first six months, I would guess, and he had, he was twenty four at the time, had developed porn induced erectile dysfunction. Porn is wreaking havoc amongst the young men in the world.

30:47 And so I helped him get that figured out. I found that it takes ninety days worn free for the brain to reset and for directions to come back, and and so I helped him through that, and then we became really close friends. He calls me Grandpa. But then I lost track of him for like two years. I didn't know what happened to him, and I got I got in contact with him again a year and a half go October, and I was shocked to find out that he was surviving on one cup of rice a day. And what had happened was is he had taken the initial COVID vaccine and it had made him sick. And then but then four weeks later or whenever it was, he took the second one. It put him in the hospital for fifty six days and disabled him to where he couldn't go back. He had got his certificate as a teacher and had gone to work as a teacher and Ghana and that's who, you know, the school system gave him the vaccines. And so you know, I found out.

31:52 I got a holistic nurse friend that was had been in the ED groups with me, helping men for years. I got her involved with that. She talked to him and she came back to me and said, Galen, he's just weeks from starving to death. Well, you know, I couldn't let that happen. So I started sending him some money for food. And then he was taking that money and going to the vanders in the market and buying prebade food and I said, no, no, no, that's not going to work. And so I bought him like a hundred kilos of black beans and a hundred kilos of tom brown, which is a anti starvation food that was developed in Nigeria to prevent starvation. And then I bought him a little electric pot that he could cook it all in. And so I got him and then I went, you know, I've always been an amateur herbologist, and so I got him involved in finding the tropics are full of edible plants and have people starving all around them.

32:53 It's crazy. They just they don't know these plants and these are superfoods all around them, and they're they're starving to death because nobody knows about him. He did. He had had no clue that most of the stuff. He'll finally goes, oh yeah, I know that planted after he found it, and I never thought it was edible. And so we've slowly got him. He says, he's probably eighty percent back. You know, had the problem of first ball getting disabled by the COVID jabs and then almost starving to death. And I think the starving to death did him worse than the COVID jabs did, because when you nearly starve to death, it just I mean, he doesn't think I would say he's got the mental capacity of fifteen sixteen year old. And so so I have actually made him the exclusive Ghana distributor for my books, and I'm giving him one hundred percent of the royalties, and so I've I've got it set up with a little printer and he and I made a special abridged Ghana version that was fifty pages long that he could print on twenty five pieces of paper, and so he's selling those in the market. And so he's bringing the monument Mesthoge to Ghana and he's about to be so self sufficient.

34:15 And have you found that by helping him? Has he turned around yet and being able to help others? He's not there yet, He's still he's still in trying to get to he's about to that point. I think he's starting to make enough sales. And then his estranged father just died this week and so now he's stressing out because he's the oldest child and they're looking to him to buy the coffin and he doesn't have to, so he's going around begging for money in Ghana to buy a coffin for his own. Okay, so let me ask you this question. You know, can you move forward and showing compassion and kindness to one individual here? And I'm sure you've done it from others, but here's one story. What has that done for you? I want people to really get a sense of when we're willing to act out of compassion to someone else in a genuine way, what does that do for them internally.

35:15 Yeah, I actually say that I get more out of helping these guys than they get out of You know, when when a young man that I've helped two years previous get off of Born and get his directions back, I've had him come back to me two years later and say, mister Wilson, we're going to name our kids after you. I'm married and we're having our first child, and so there's going to be all kinds of little Galens running all over the world, or Gayleen's as the case. Maybe that's great. So yeah, it does. It does give you a fulfillment and a purpose in life. You know, you go back to that depression and stuff. The main reason for depression as you have no purpose.

36:01 Well, and now we get into this whole concept of after fifty. You know, all of a sudden, and I think so many people experience this. You know, you're married, you have children, you may get divorced, now you're single, or your children have grown up and left and now you're without children, and all of a sudden that changes. Or you've retired, you've been successful enough that you retire, and all of a sudden, what on earth am I going to do. What recommendations do you give to people after that certain age where they can develop a new purpose, new resilience, And we just have a short amount of time.

36:44 So go, yeah, well, and that's it. You've got to If we stop moving, we die. You know, I've seen it time and time again when guys would retire and they're dead within a year. And so I think, whether it's voluntary daring it at the local senior center or you know, homeless center or whatever, you need to find something of some kind of purpose. Of course, I have now found the purpose of writing these books that are going to say millions of marriages, and so it has it has got me energized, and that type a personality is kicked in. And so I have literally worked twelve to fourteen hour days, six to seven days a week for the last eight months.

37:29 Well, and you know what, you bring up something important. I interviewed someone I can't remember how long ago, maybe four or five months ago, and we were talking about leaving a legacy. And I had talked about. My dad and how he literally left legacy for me personally, which changed my life in my direction in life and purpose. And I find that, you know, and one of the things that she mentioned about that is writing. You know is doing that, and actually I started doing that. I went on too, you know, sub Stack. I don't know if you're familiar with that, but not familiar with it, but I've started writing these articles and sending a lot of them to my kids. And I think so important that someone in that situation where they're kind of without purpose can just think about, you know, what type of legacy can I leave? And for you, it's writing those books and helping people. Everyone is going to have a different thing. But the reality is is that if they just under reflect a bit or maybe a while, that they can determine a legacy that they can leave either to their children, to their family, to humanity, whatever that happens to be, which will then re energize them and as you say, keep them going. My dad worked till he was eighty seven years old and then couldn't do it anymore. But he lived until ninety two. So I think that's so important. And as you say, now here you are just working, working and working, I'm doing the

39:00 same thing and that is so important. So I think that's an important message for people. So what would be your final message? To people in a short sixty second word. Okay, Well, and we're going to back up a little bit here because with men, testosterone plays a huge part in depression motivation. At sixty five, my testosterone tanked to blow two hundred, and I tried to bring it up naturally for a couple of years, and just finally it wasn't going to come up. And so I went on TRT a couple of years ago, testosterone replacement therapy, and the first thing I noticed was it brought me out of the depression, light depression that I didn't realize I was in, and then it motivated me. I was able to lose weight, and it motivated me to get things done, and it just made such a different not to mention the fact that now I had the I got to have her now feeling back. And so I think that's important for men, to older men to take care of their health thirty thirty five to It depends on which experts you talk to. So somewhere between thirty five and eighty percent of men will have a heart attacker stroke within five to seven years after developing ED, and so it's so important that they go get that checked and find out what the root cause is and get it treated,

40:32 because these online pill sellers are just driving me nuts because they're killing men. They're killing men because they have a video doctor appointment, no blood tests to run, no blood pressures taken, nothing. You know, they're just depending on what the guy says to them and handing out these pills that you know, five years down the road, boom, the guy drops over from a heart. So, as we closed today, how do people find your monument Method? What how do they find that and read it? They can gage some insight. Yeah, because what we talked about is just scratch the surface of the whole method. And so Monument Methodinstitute dot com is my website and we've bug got and it'll have a link to Amazon to where all our books are and where right now we're actually I wrote my two latest books, or Monument Man and Monument Woman there for dating men and women re entering the dating market.

41:37 And I wrote them in such a way that at the end of the books they're going, Okay, that's great. Where do I find somebody to build a monument with? And so as part of my pay it forward from my heart transplant, I have developed the monument Validated Person MVP dating site. You have to read one of the books and pass a test to get into the site at all, and then you've got almost You're there to find somebody to build a monu with, not for casual dating. And so if they go to my website and click on the MVP, it'll take them to that page and right now, if they scroll to the bottom, I'm actually giving away copies of both those books to try to get this dating site off the ground.

42:18 Oh fantastic, well, Dalen, wonderful conversation, and you know, pleasure heart, what a wonderful thing that you're doing for people. And obviously you've got a particular focus and yet being able to help these individuals to find a relationship. I can't tell you how much I believe in really now experience the depth of a positive relationship and what that can do for your life. So, Dayleen, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. And Okay, well, thank you so much for having me. I feel so honored being on your show. You've bet well, thanks for listening. I hope you've enjoyed it and look forward to having you join us here and soon.

42:58 So this is doctor Doug imus day, every conversation on this podcast eventually comes back to that same question, not how do I get more? But is this actually who I am? If something you heard today moved you just a little closer to an honest answer, that is enough. I'm doctor Doug. This is Inspire Vision. Until next time.