Addiction Recovery with The Law of Attraction

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0:44 Denzel Washington, welcome to Inspire Vision. Our sole purpose is to elevate the lives of others and to inspire you to do the same. Mary Bath, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to be here. I love having you here, so I'd love for you to share with the audience. I find that the backstory is always so amazing, and I'd love for you to share with the audience how you got to this point in time, a little bit of your background and what brought you to this point in what you're doing. Well, it definitely wasn't the plan. So it has been a journey. I was born in the seventies, and the seventies were a lot different than life is today, right, like with parenting and things like that, parenting styles. I had some childhood trauma and a lot of that I believe leads to addictions. And that's part of my story, is addiction. And I got really caught up an alcohol addiction for over thirty years of my life actually, so today today I'm the founder of Day one Life Coaching and I help people break out of addictions. And I also got caught up in toxic relationships and food addiction.

2:04 Like usually if you've got that tendency which can stem from childhood trauma, it can stem from being a sense more sensitive soul, like you can feel energies and you know, get overwhelmed easily. A lot of that is we're just seeking relief, right, it's self soothing. We're trying to self medicate and feel better. That's all it is, you know. And you know, we criminalize a lot of addiction, but where does it start? Usually in childhood, and so I try to help people out like these days, Like, once you get out of that darkness, it almost feels mandatory to me, Like to me, it's like we have to help other people. And so that's what I've been doing in my forties, is spending my forties as a life preach. Well, I'm fifty now, but I didn't start this journey of life coaching and helping people out of addiction until my forties, and field I wasn't ready. I was still involved in the addiction.

3:06 Well, you know, and it's interesting you talk about that childhood trauma that can cause that, and and I know based on talking to other people too, that there's even that DNA memory. If we go back into our ancestors, all of a sudden, we realize that some of this is there just from DNA and then the ability to overcome it. That's the key is how do you overcome that? So, sure you start a little bit, how what was your process and what finally brought you around to the point that you were able to overcome not only the addiction, but as you say, oftentimes you end up in relationships that are not healthy either.

3:46 Yeah, well, I wanted to go back to since you brought up the DNA memory, I wanted to go back to that because I didn't even know and tell my forties that my grandfather was a severe my dad's dad was a severe alcoholic and very abusive to my dad. So he actually died. I never met him because he died when my mom was pregnant with me. And I think, like, a lot of this is genetic, a lot of it's in our DNA, and we just have no idea like I learned. I learned that from honestly, from a psychic. Psychic told me about my grandfather, and I met my My family never talked about these things. And I asked my dad and he was like, that's everything she said is spot on true. And he was very emotionally distant.

4:30 I mean, he's eighty one now and he's still alive, but he didn't talk about his family. He didn't talk about these things. And that was him doing his best, right, Like he's doing his best based on his personal experience with his father, you know. So he was shut down and you know, but he wasn't like abusive like his father was. But my parents were divorced when I was five, and yeah, a lot of that stuff causes ancient anxious attachment styles. I had, this abandoned meant wood when my parents got divorced. My brother has some issues, my sister, My sister has issues. She completely divorced the whole family. We haven't talked to her in like twelve thirteen years probably now, you know, just a lot of these things.

5:14 Just we all deal with it differently, right. My brother was admitted to a psych ward when he was a child, and I was the middle child. I became like I did addiction. I did. That was my way of handling it, right. We all handle it differently. So, yeah, and that anxious attachment style led to toxic relationships, right, because when you're a child. And gabor Mate said this, I'm giving him credit, but gosh, it really hit home when he said this. Gabor Mate is a trauma expert, and he said, when you don't feel wanted as a child, you want to make damn sure that you're needed, you know, so you become a people pleaser. You become over accommodated, and honestly, like, what I know now is that people pleasing we're not being authentic, right, We're not being ourselves. We're kind of little liars if we're being honest about it. Because we're just telling people whatever they want to hear. You know, we're like me too, me too, because we don't want conflict.

6:18 We want people to love us. We want people to like as it comes from a good intention, correct, But at the end of the day, it still is what it is. We are not being our true, authentic selves. And what do you attract when you're people pleasers? You tend to attract manipulators. Maybe some narcissists people they can see us coming from a mile away. When you're people, you're easy to manipulate, right, So that's why you see a lot of these endpaths. And you know, narcissists get together. It's a thing like it's stuff very very common for those people to connect and attract and on an energetic level, on a subconscious level, all the levels. So we do tract things that are in our programming, our patterns from childhood.

7:04 And I didn't know this, you know, this is something that I know now since I've been I've studied it my whole life. I've always been a spiritual seeker personal development, very curious about all these things my entire life. So that's how I know. And I've had some spiritually transformative experiences that got me to the point that I am now that I'm very thankful for that. That is why I can say truly that I am addiction free and have got all of this stuff under control, alcohol free, and that was that was probably the one that was holding me down the most, that I was in denial of the moss. Like when I worked in the corporate world, I didn't I didn't love my life. A lot of people can probably relate to this, you know, if you're in the corporate world or you're you just let's just say, you don't like your job. You wake up every morning and you're unhappy, You're not joyful. We're supposed to be joyful.

7:55 We're supposed to be happy, passionate, you know, living our life. We're powerful creators. And when we're not creating and we wake up and we're like, oh, got to do this again, it leads to depression. You know. So that's something that we really want to look at, is because you know, we can get when we're not on our life path and we're doing stuff we really don't want to do. Of course, people are depressed, anxious. You're sitting in cubical world and for us in lighting. I'm not sure that humans are meant to be living that way. Well, you know, And the one thing we were talking about, and you actually brought it up again, is this DNA memory. And I want to talk about that a little bit because you have done something and you know, I think a lot of people, you know, what what's the struggle and what what's the motivation to finally overcome some of these situations and for a lot of people that self, I want to be better and so forth for a lot of people. Though, And as you said, your dad stopped the abuse that he got from his dad, So I guarantee you that, well I can't guarantee you this, but my guess would be that as he was able to do that, he wrote into his DNA a new pattern that says no abuse now that may or may not go on. Same experience with my dad. He came, you know, his dad came from Norway, and I know that there was some at least belts taken, you know, and so far, and yet he never There's six kids

9:26 in our family, never were we spanked in any way that was abusive at all. And because of that, as you look now at all the grandchildren, which I think they're what thirty four to thirty five, that's not happening. And I think for people to understand that you can make a difference not only in your life, but you can make a difference in your posterity because you can start to change that pattern, it literally will re embed itself within that DNA, and so posterity doesn't have that proclivity to do that, and I think that's wonderful. So as you as you talk about some of your spiritual transformative experiences and so forth, I think that's I think that's always of interest to people as what what did you experience and how did that change your direction?

10:19 If you don't mind, Yeah, yeah, To just address what you said about my dad real quick, he didn't. He's still he's he stopped a lot of the abuse, but it's a you know, it's a translow transition. He's still hasn't addressed fully like he's like I said, he's eighty one, he's emotionally, you know, still messed up from that experience. He hasn't fully healed. But I think he's he stopped a lot of the abuse. Right, He wasn't physically abusive. He he's still emotionally distant from us, and he just never really was able to be the dad. He was more of an absent father. But it's like I understand that now now that I was told by that psychic right, that what he went through and to forgive him. I'm like, oh my gosh, And that's the key is forgiveness, right.

11:11 We got to forgive all this stuff and do all that shadow work. And I was able to understand him, and especially because he admitted everything, So that's good. You know, he is now has awareness of that. And that's what I was told, is like, you know, he's just forgive him because he didn't have a good example of how to be a father, you know. So really he wasn't in my life very much, which honestly, in retrospect, I think it was probably a good thing. I mean, we talk, we talked these days, but you know, most of my life he just wasn't around. He was an absent father. So to go back to your what was your question? And I'm sorry, I know you talked about the spiritual transformative Okay, yeah, formative experiences that you had, so you know, I find it really fascinating for me there as an aha moment where and it was at my dad's funeral. Okay, a sudden It changed my entire approach to what I wanted to accomplish in life. And I find that everybody has some type of moment like that. Sometimes it's gradual and sometimes it's just right there for you. Explain a little bit about that. Yeah, it's like the transformative spiritual situation for you was one of them.

12:26 Yeah, I think we all have a lot of them throughout life. The most significant one that I had, which I think put me on this trajectory, Like I was only eighteen, but I think it had to happen in order for me to get down this road because I was a very selfish eighteen year old. My parents had already moved. I stayed in Houston by myself, where I grew up, and essentially I was always still a spiritual seeker, but I think I was pretty selfish. I was already drinking alcohol, partying, you know. I was just this like all about me person. But I still was a spiritual seeker because I always had paranormal experiences my whole life, even from childhood. So I was reading this book. I was afraid of death, so I was reading this book on near death experiences. So this is probably nineteen ninety two, and you know, not many people were into this stuff.

13:13 No one talked about it. But because I had that fear of death, I was very interested in it. And we can have we can spiritually transformative experience, which I didn't even know that term until like last year because it wasn't coined, you know. So that's what I've learned what it was since then, because back in the day, I didn't know what was happening to me. I'm gonna be honest. So I'm reading this book and we can be triggered to have one through a book. We don't have to do iowasca or plant medicine or anything like that. Just and I didn't know what it was. And I think that was better because I didn't know. I wasn't putting any effort into making anything happen. It just happened.

13:55 Does that make sense. So I'm reading this book and it was kind of like my soul remembered, you know, like we're like my soul remembered. Oh yeah, this is how it really is. Because I'm reading these near death experiences and all about the life review and all of these things and what life's really about and all of these profound things in the book, and it was like I remembered. It was like, oh, yeah, this is stuff I already knew. And it just this whole energetic shift, this whole paradigm shift. It was like a quantum experience. For two weeks, I was on these highest frequencies of just pure bliss, joy, unconditional love. I was tapped into some sort of universal knowledge that like I'm able to think a question and have the answer downloaded to me. Like, by the way, this happened once and only once, in it lasted two weeks. I like, now I can kind of get glimpses of it, and I could get that area, but I haven't. I think it's like I said earlier, now I'm like trying too hard to get there, and yeah, do you know what I mean? And that's not what happened.

14:58 It happened to me because it took me out of that selfish It took me from like base consciousness being all about me to this unity consciousness. It was just all this oneness. I was able to see how we all are all connected and these little things matter, and the ripple effect of literally everything we do and say it's so important. So it really was a paradigm shift for me and I needed to I think, in retrospect, I had no idea it was going to be a life coach later in life. I had no idea of any of this. But in retrospect hindsight's twenty twenty. I needed to have that happen. I needed to embody it because today I am a law of attraction teacher. I teach people about energy and frequencies, and you know how to create your own reality, create your personal reality. And how much control we have over each day every day with our thoughts, with our feelings, and with our behaviors of course our actions, Like how much control that we really have that we aren't taking advantage of because most people are truly living by default. They don't realize they're on autopilot. Think in the same thoughts every day, feel in the same feelings, and wondering why their life doesn't change because we're subconscious programming. We got to make all that stuff conscious.

16:11 And you talk about addiction, and you know there's that deep addiction, whether it's alcohol, drug, whatever it happens to be. But I've always had in my mind that there's that addiction that we never think about, and that's the addiction to living the life that we're living and. Never comfort zample. Yeah, the comfort zone addiction and not being willing to really make that change. And you know, you talk about the law of attraction, and that's been talked about a lot, and you know, I mean, you know the secret, You've got all the movies about it and so forth, and I find that it's not well understood in fact. And I came and remember who I interviewed years ago, but they were part of that whole movie, and they said, you know what, there's things that we didn't talk about that have to be done for that.

16:59 Oh, they regret it. They regret it. There's actually a a on YouTube. There's a free one, a free thing that anyone could watch called Meta Secret, like metaphysical meta Secret, so above and beyond the secret because they knew they left out so many important things that left a lot. I love the introduction. It was a wonderful movie back in two thousand and six is when that came out. But that's why I love being a Lot of Attraction teacher, because there's so many misconceptions, so much wrong information and the things that some of us just assumed and took away from it on our own, like we created stories in our head about how it worked right, because it was a great movie. But the meta secret's more about all the things that were left out of the Secret and it's a lot of the same people that were in that original documentary.

17:43 And you know, yeah, I was just before we came on, I was listening to a song the Impossible Dream. I don't know if you remember that song, Oh yeah, And you know, I think that we all experience that impossible dream, and the question is how do we ever reach the stars and actually achieve it? And as you talk about the law of attraction, let's talk a little bit about what are the misconceptions, and let's talk about what your discovery was. And you know, you can call the law of attraction whatever you want to call it, but we'll use the law of attraction. What have you found is necessary for us to be able to not only have that dream, but literally to be able to start to achieve those things that we really want to achieve.

18:31 Yeah, So just to go over some basics in case you have some listeners that are like, I don't really know much about law of attraction. Just first of all, it is a universal law, just like the law of gravity. It's not a religion. It's really not to me. I know some people will call it wu wu but to me, it's not wu wuo. It's quantum physics. It's science because what it's based on is everything is energy. Everything vibrates. It does under a microscope. Everything vibrates, even the solids, and it just vibrates at different frequencies, right, So everything has a different vibrational frequency of rate that it vibrates, and so we attract based on this energy, right, things that we're putting out, and we have that ability to shift our own energy, to manipulate our energy. And so that's why we can be these powerful creators of our day if once we're aware of this, and once we are aware of how to intentionally create our day and shift our energy personally, So a lot of people think, well, it doesn't work for me. I've tried it, and it's because it's so much more complicated. Then we understand. We all have our personal point of attraction. So that's why you're like, well, I know it works for so and so but doesn't work for me. Well, they have a different point of attraction. And a point of attraction is a formula. Well, the most simple formula is ask plus believe equals receive and believe is the part that everybody gets hung up on, right, because we can only attract things that are within our personal belief system. But to go back to the point of attraction, the part one is the three parts. So first is everything that was

20:05 in your programming, your personal programming from birth up until now, your patterns, your beliefs, all of your programming. That's your first part of your own point of attraction. Then you have a momentum. Part two is momentum on different subjects. So let's say, like you could have a great momentum on business and career, but a horrible momentum on relationships because you've had bad experiences your childhood and all this stuff. So you could have different momentum on different subjects. So you see how it keeps getting more and more individualized even and then that third part of the point of attraction is how do you feel right now? How do you feel today? So all of these things it's so individual and like I said, we can only attract whats that are a personal belief system. So the good news.

20:52 The good news is that limiting beliefs can be changed. And I used to have horrible limiting beliefs sabotage the yin yang, right, and and I've turned it all around, Like you know, you can really learn. I'm not saying I'm a master, but I can definitely catch myself and these bad patterns extremely quickly turn things around, shift my vibration and not in the toxic way where I'm just suppressing my feelings. I do not even though I teach law of attraction, I do not teach that we our emotions are guidance, pay attention to them. They are there for a reason. They're guide point, guideposts showing us what you know, like, hey, why do I feel this way?

21:34 And we need to kind of analyze that and pay attention. Don't push down your feelings like I used to do with alcohol and things like that. Feelings are good, and we want to remember we're not our feelings. We're not our you know. We just want to observe them and be like, Okay, why did I get triggered? What you know? Like and ask yourself because for me, when I get triggered today. I love it because it's showing me an area, you know, something I need to heal, something that still has power over me in some way. So I actually embraced being triggered these days. And honestly, you asked earlier about how people get to the point of when they're ready to change their life and get out of that comfort zone or get out of bad habits. The catalyst is usually suffering, which is great whatever. You don't have to hit that rock bottom. If you're listening and you're like, well, I'm I don't really have any huge addictions and stuff, and maybe you're just in that comfort zone. You don't have to have a rock bottom. You don't have to like lose, you know, blow up your life before you decide to live your best life.

22:33 Well, that's right. And you know you talk about those those subconscious triggers and so forth, limiting beliefs. How did you do it? I mean, you talk about you've overcome the addiction, You've overcome a lot of those limiting beliefs and so forth, But how how on earth did you do it? Suffering? Honestly, like you, I got so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired, and honest, I didn't even know that I had a problem with alcohol. Other people would have said, out, she drinks too much. Mine was red wine. That was my bias, red wine. I did have a morning like that was really a wake up call where I had drank too much the night before.

23:15 And this is a science, a scientific thing, so I didn't know that alcohol was causing most of my issues. I was blaming my hormones for everything. I'm a woman in my forties. I'm like, oh, my hormones. That's why I can't sleep. It's my hormones. But this one night, I, you know, had a really bad night and I was like shaky, and I just drank too much. And the next morning it was embarrassing. I went to the store to buy wine because we all learned, like the hair of the dog that bit you, that works like when you're shaky, and it causes anxiety. Alcohol is like pouring gasoline on anxiety. And I already have like this tech natural anxious energy about me. So I went and I bought a bottle of wine first thing in the morning, two bottles actually, and a gift bag. Couple gift bags too, because I was so embarrassed, Like but but I knew as soon as I had some of that, it was going to calm me down and soothe me right, you know.

24:10 So that was like when I first was like, Okay, that wasn't good. That was embarrassing. That's a huge red flag. And my friend, you know, when we're when we have addictions, we usually have friends who are like us too, So it's hard to tell. It's hard to tell when especially with alcohol, like everybody like, it's so common, it's so normalized, it's so glamorized in our society. And actually I'm the weird I'm the weird odd ball now who doesn't drink. Everywhere I go there's alcohol, and everyone's like, why aren't you drinking? What what happened? You know, it's like the one drug you have to justify not doing. But the scientific thing that happens over time, it gets worse and worse progressive, and maybe some people who are like in their forties or older, you know, can well recognize. Like, so when you drink alcohol, it's a depressant, and your body does a natural thing by creating stimulants to counteract a depressant, and so What happens over time is moderation stops working because your body just starts creating. Let's say I only had one glass of wine, my body creating the stimulants during that first drink of my usual or what did I have last time? Maybe I had a whole bottle of wine last time, or it's easy to do.

25:20 It's easy to drink a bottle of wine over time when you're sitting with your friends. This is very easy. I never lacked people to meet me for a happy hour. You know, I went every day. I drink every day, I'll be honest, but I didn't see it as a problem because so did everybody who was around me. So yeah, so I learned that after your fourth drink, fifth drink, I mean, I'm sorry, I'm saying that wrong, after your about four or five hours after your final drink that you know, you haven't had a glass for four or five hours, that depressant wears off, so all you're left with is the stimulants, and that's why you wake up in the middle of the night. I was blaming my hormones.

26:00 It was it was the alcohol that you know, it was that created the stimulants in my body. And then then you're just like, I had this racing heart, racing thoughts, and I'm up at three am. So a lot of people who you're waking up at two or three am, and you drink that night and it's four or five hours after your last drink. You're overstimulated. But that's your body's doing the right thing. That's what that's what it's supposed to do. But over time, it just gets to the point where moderation stops working. And to answer your question, is when I started to I actually was still in denial. I was already a life coach. I was still in denial about addiction with alcohol. I was like, I'm going to add a niche. I've got like so many certifications at this point because I just love learning. I'm going to be an addiction recovery coach. I'm going to add this on to what I already do. I was already helping people, but not with not with addiction, and I'm learning about addiction and I had I was I'm a self aware person, so I was like, oh, oh my gosh, this was I totally just recognize myself in this. And I learned about the alcohol and that that's how I learned.

27:04 I read a book called Alcohol Explained by William Porter. He's not a doctor or anything. He was actually he's from the UK. Very alcohol's huge there, right, we all know that they start drinking really young too. And he was researching himself on like his sleeping issues, and that's what that's when he came across like, oh, it's alcohol. So that's how he learned, and then he got all into like that's why it's called alcohol explained this whole book. Don't read it if you want to keep alcohol in your life, because it expands your mind and then you cannot unknow that stuff. It takes away your piece with being able to drink, because then you know, like, oh, alcohol is a group one carcinogen, right up there with asbestos and tobacco. It's linked to seven different types of cancer that we know of. It's probably more, you know, it's creates insulin resistance. It does all you know, that's why people start to gain weight. They get that belly I can't lose. It's it kills you in so many different ways. And it's also just the emotional mental problems that it causes. A lot of it based on it creates nutrient deficiency. You know, we don't absorb minerals and nutrients, and that leads to depression, anxiety, all kinds of emotional problems.

28:19 Like the more I learned, like, I still drank for a while, but I was like, I can't do this to anymore. I'm just I was too much into the law of attraction. I was teaching that already. I'm like, this is straight up self sabotage. I knew, like, I'm like lowering my vibration, it's the lower vibrational substance. I was like, no longer a match to this, you know, in the knowledge suffering, the knowledge. I just really once I knew, oh, it's alcohol that's causing a lot of my problems that I was just unaware of it. Once I was aware, I could not keep it in my life anymore. I could not be a coach who didn't practice what I preached. I couldn't self sabotage. I wanted to set my days up for success. And if I'm drinking at night, I'm lowering my vibration and I'm not going to be the best coach I could be.

29:02 So how on earth did you overcome it? Honestly through what were the steps that you took that you can share with the audience as far as how you actually overcame that addiction. Through knowledge, positive messaging, like through honestly this sounds crazy for a law of attraction teacher, but focusing on the negative stuff, like I said, focusing on those negative things and you know, not wanting to do that to yourself, like you I almost wanted to scare myself a little bit, like focus on the stuff. It causes cancer, you know, it causes all these things. Like I cared about my body, and I was like tricking myself, thinking, oh, I can take these supplements like melt this sole because we all know it's bad for our liver, right, you know. I knew that. I knew that much. And I was like, well, I'll take milk this sole, and I'll take these be vitamins and like you know, exercise really hard the next day, sweat it all out. We all trick ourselves. For At first, I was very resistant to letting it go completely. I did organic wines, you know, or switched to beer or something that I don't really like, because I really was only a red wine person. Maybe vodka sometimes, but I tried switching things up. I tried everything, and you know, sometimes I think people just need to play that out and play and but for me, getting knowledge focusing on the negative things about it really helped. I prayed, I prayed, I prayed, I prayed. I did get to a point where I think I believe in prayer. I believe in power prayer. So I meditated. I started to add meditation

30:33 every day for fifteen minutes. And if you're somebody who has racing thoughts or like a monkey brain like I do, do breath work. Breath work for me was a life saver because it's really tough to meditate and just clear your mind. And then also doctor Joe Despenza pointed out this changed me too, like, oh, meditation doesn't mean you never have thoughts flowing in. It just means you could focus on one thing and that could be walking, do a walking meditation, be out in nature, know, just get rid of distractions. Like some other addictions. Like something that people aren't aware of is like our addictions are everywhere our cell phones, or we are addicted to our cell phone scrolling things like that, and some people are addicted to sports and like work, work, isn't a huge addiction for people like it just anything that has a negative effect on your life, but you have a hard time cutting it out, that's an addiction. So like overworking can destroy families.

31:31 Okay, I'm going to stop you there for a minute. Okay, yeah, you've made a couple of comments. I want to go into a little beacher. Sure, you talk about doctor Joe Dispensa. You talk about meditation, all right, And so I think is important for the audience to understand that as we're trying to overcome those limiting beliefs, so self sabotaging behavior, potentially the addictions, whether it's you know, the serious type that you're talking about, or you know, your phone or whatever that happens to be, meditation becomes an extremely important aspect of overcoming that. And yet most people, I mean, I was really scared of meditation and thought, you know, I can't do this. I can't do this. And then when I, you know, attended one of the Doctor Joe's workshops for the week and realized, oh, okay, this is something that I can do. So now every morning, every morning, I walk for an hour and I meditate for an hour.

32:29 Yeahful and it's amazing for people to understand that. You know, if you don't understand meditation, find somebody that does and really start to understand what that is because it can change literally your life when you're doing that. So you talked about meditation. Did you go through a twelve step program at all for your alcohol? No? And thank you for asking that. No. So AA, By the way, I am someone who was like, hey, whatever works for you. You do that like you do you? So I'm I'm not saying anything negative about AA, but I'm just talking about for me personally, and I know a lot of other people who feel the same way. And that's why I teach spiritual recovery. So it goes against my personal belief systems. AA does so for me sitting in a group and staying in that old vibration talking about your old problems, you like, for me back to Joe to Spensa, we need to shift our identity, shift that energy. I'm no longer that person. I'm not going to sit in a room with a group of people and say I I'm an alcoholic. Hell no, I'm not that person anymore. I've changed my identity. I am a person who used to have a bad relationship with alcohol, but I no longer do. I am no longer that person who's going to go to a restaurant and order red wine every single time I go out to dinner, like never failed. I'm just not that person. I locked the doors, I shut the windows. I don't leave that opening for me. I needed abstinence. Some people can, some people can moderate. I'm not one of them. I suck at moderation. And you got a lot of this meditation leads to self aware and that's why I highlighted it

34:01 is because we need to know ourselves. That's the spiritual part of it. Spirit People think it's all magic and woo woo. Knowing yourself is spiritual and then yeah, so like that's what that's what it's And serving others that's a great part of AA. I do think serving others, getting out of your own head is huge to get rid of addictions. There's you know, there's so many things, exercising, eating properly because a lot of the times when we're self medicating is because we don't feel good because most of us are eating processed foods and things. And just started to self care, take care of yourself. These addictions. Raising your vibration is so important because these addictions will start to leave you. They're going to start to fall away because you're going to no longer be a match to them anymore. And that's kind of what happened with me.

34:45 Yeah, and let's talk about you again. You mentioned something a while ago about relationships and toxic relationships and how we if our vibration is really low, if we're not if we're not really overcoming those limiting beliefs and so forth, we end up attracting the very relationships that we wish we would never have attracted. And you talk a little bit about toxic relationships versus conscious relationships. Could you share what you mean by that? And how do we move from a toxic relationship into a conscious relationship, which I would assume means that we have to change the individuals that we're hanging around with.

35:27 Yeah, and ourselves, Like, I got it. You know that part of the healing process is recognizing in yourself because there's two people in that relationship, you know, because I could sit there and go, oh, well he was a narcissist, liar, cheater, blah blah blah, but I was with him right so why And here's what's so interesting, And I'm glad we're talking about this because it's huge. It's one of these misconceptions about the law of attraction where we think, oh, we only attract what we are. Well, that's not true. We attract anything that we have an energetic spark with, and part of that energetic spark could be what we judge. Because I kept attracting narcissists, liars, cheaters, and I'm like, well, I was so confused. I couldn't connect the dots for so many years. I'm like, if we only attract what we are? Am I a narcissist? Am I a cheater?

36:09 Am I good? Because I know I'm not. I know I'm not a liar. I know I'm not a cheater. But why am I still attracting this? Well, I was still judging it. I was still judging it. And that's an energetic spark there, right, son. And so there's some these subtle things that still like anytime that we're judging something, and actually, let's bring it to the brain. Our subconscious mind doesn't know the difference between when we're judging somebody else and when we're judging ourselves. So anytime we're judging somebody else, it comes back to us literally, like what goes around comes around quite literally with our subconscious minds. So you are not doing any favors for yourself when you're judging others. And I just really needed to have a better relationship with myself. I had that anxious attachment attachment style. I had to forgive, forgive these people in the past who I attracted and yes, yeah, I was stuck in that vict well forever. We got to get out of that victim role, you know, before we can attract better. So I was stuck in it, like he did this to me. And but guess what, I was a participant and I stayed. You know, we got to get to that point where, you know, once we're out and we don't keep repeating old patterns. Interrupting patterns is a huge thing. So that comes with the self awareness, which comes with meditation. Just read, learn knowledge. Knowledge is huge.

37:26 You just keep learning. Follow people who have been through things that you're trying to get through because and they've gotten out to the other side because they've got the answers for you. So really to get out of toxic relationships and to go to a conscious relationship. And by the way, a toxic relationship is going to feel like a roller coaster ride. You're going to it's going to be a lot of ups and downs. Addiction to drama is a thing. You can get addicted to drama. You're going to feel all this passion and a toxic relationships, you're going to have really high highs and really low lows, and there's going to be unpredictableness. But that can get addictive because once you're in a healthy relationship, you don't have all of that craziness called the crazy eight. You don't have that you can actually be bored and that you know, non toxic healthy relationship, you think something's wrong because you're like, wait, where's you getting jealous? You know, like you know, because you feel like jealousy means that they care about you, and no it doesn't, you know, because in a healthy relationship, you have a foundation of trust for each other. And so a conscious relationship is when both partners are willing and able to be in a healthy, uplifting relationship to each other. You're going to feel like you are with your best friend, your uplifters.

38:38 When you're in that toxic relationship, you feel like you're with an enemy. Right, these conscious relationships you want to you help each other growth. This doesn't mean you come into the relationship both of you healed already. That is not what it is. We're always healing for the rest of our lives. We're going to be healing things, right, And if you're conscious. It's a matter that both are. Willing, willing and able able to. Go through that healing. And I think that's so essential that when you when you're doing that, particularly, you know you're doing that, and if you can find that individual that's willing to do that also, that's where the success comes in. That's where the conscious relationship comes in. And when one party is not willing to do that, that makes it really function.

39:22 Yeah, it's dysfunction and honestly, there's so many dysfunctional people in the world, and so you really have Yep, you have to move on and it's okay to be by yourself. The people who end up in you know, these patterns, they jump from one relationship to another, and when they first start out with dating, you know, there's a lot of let's get back to alcohol. There's a lot of drinking going on in these because I help people with dating and relationships too, so because there's a lot of issues going on. So I'm a life coach, and so I specialize not only an addiction, but you know what I learned, most problems there's some sort of addiction at the base of it. Even if it's overthinking or negative thinking, that's an addiction. Those are you know, we get a to these negative thought loops. So basically I've learned that over time of my coaching is with in my practice that there's usually some type of addiction, even if it's a belief system, there's some sort of attachment to these old beliefs that's an addiction. So we really need to I mean, my recommendation is do not drink alcohol on your first three dates because it gives you clouded judgment.

40:26 Almost everybody drinks alcohol and then you jump into bed with a stranger and then you're wondering why things didn't work out. Well, you're not building a basic foundation. And it happens all the time, Like I mean, I have in my practice like that, I hear about dating, you know. All the time. So as we come to the closed A couple of things have be. Written A book So what I have, Yeah, I have a book, but this is the one that I want to highlight is Addiction Recovery with the Law of Attraction. This is a deck of forty four cards and you pick a card every day. And not only does it teach you Law of attraction techniques at the proper way without the all the misconceptions, it also is all the techniques that I use, all the practical tools that got me out of addiction. So that's it's all of the things in here. And so you're very helpful.

41:14 You have a podcast, I do. I'm taking a break from it right now, but to be a guest. Totally understand. And so how do people find you? The best way is my website day one Life Coaching dot com d A Y O n E not the number one, and I offer a free discovery call. So if anything I said resonated with you, you think maybe one on one coaching sounds interesting, you just go to day one life Coaching dot com, click contact and I'll get in touch. And what that is is a free call zoom a zoom call with me and we just decide, Hey, you tell me a little bit of your background and we decide is my coaching right for you is are we a match? If not, I could probably guide you to something or somebody else that is a better match for you.

42:00 So as we close, is there a final message that you could share with the audience that you want to share? Just that it is never too late to change, you know, like I didn't even give up alcohol until I was forty five, and you know I'm fifty five years alcohol free. It's never too late to improve your life. And we can change. And we have so much more control over each and every day than you realize. And you're a powerful creator, so really learn how to change each day deliberately. Lovely, Mary Beth, thank you so much. You know, it just amazes me. It's like meditation, you know, I'll start a walk and an hour later it just seems like ten minutes. These conversations we've gone forty five minutes or more, and it's like where did the time go? So when you get into this type of information, I appreciate so much what you're doing, what you share with everyone, and how you're really trying to affect people's lives. Now. I think that's wonderful and bless you to thank you, and folks thanks for listening, hope you enjoyed it. Get hold of Marybeth if you find that this is something that she can help you with. So anyway, this is doctor next saying thanks for listening and no mistay