Code Switching, Commitment, and Black Culture | Grown Man Game Ep. 8

speaker-0: Welcome back to another episode of the Grown Man Game Podcast. I am one half of your host, Rod, and this is my co-host Big B.

speaker-1: Big Mike?

speaker-0: Yeah. Yeah, let's get into it, man. So I feel like I feel like we we got to get like.

speaker-1: Okay.

speaker-0: Like this, obviously we got to talk about stuff that's going on right now. And I don't know if it matters to y'all, but it matters to us. And one thing I do want to say, and I don't say this very often, but it's something that's funny. You know, all the time you see people would be like, free my cousin or like, you know, free whoever, right? I very rarely am supportive of those particular instances in the sense that your cousin probably did something like more often than not, right? And they may not be what they, know,

speaker-1: Yeah, free my cousin.

speaker-0: fully arrested for it, he may trump up the charges and all that. But sometimes, your cousin got, he'd been terrorizing the community for years. Not a good dude, but Kane Velasquez is out. ⁓ He got paroled. You familiar with the Kane Velasquez? So Kane Velasquez, a UFC fighter, ⁓ one time heavyweight champion. ⁓ He ended up getting five years, sentenced to five years. But what happened was, ⁓

speaker-1: He doesn't look like a gangster, No, no, no, break it down.

speaker-0: The dude molested his son, his four year old son. He found out about it, found out who it was. And basically the dude took him on a high speed chase, but he chased him throughout the city. I think it was like an 11 mile chase. was firing shots at him, finally cornered him, let loose in the car, ended up, the dude was with his dad. So we ended up shooting the dude's dad. The actual guy he was chasing ended up not getting shot, but the dad got shot. So he ended up getting time for a... branching the firearm, ⁓ whatever it is when you let off a gun in public, ⁓ attempted manslaughter. ⁓ They ended up working it all the way down because the dude who he was chasing is still ⁓ going through litigation. They're still trying to convict him, but they haven't put anything together. So we did 11 months of a five year sentence, so he's on parole. But man, free that guy. You know what mean? Like this one of them situations where, ⁓ okay, all right, we can free Kane.

speaker-1: Can't you know?

speaker-0: Because I'm doing the same thing, man. Like, come on.

speaker-1: Yeah, I'm about to say Kane, you need, if you need, you know what I'm saying? Holler. Nah, I don't got no guns, but I know people.

speaker-0: This is crazy. Yeah, exactly. But yeah, so so I want to say that because something I just saw the other day was like because I remember when it originally happened, I was like, oh, man, they're going to put him away forever because I thought he killed the dude. And I guess it wasn't the dude who got shot was the dude's dad. But anyway. No, no, he survived. He Yeah, he didn't have a lot. wasn't a life threatening thing because it was through the car. He got hit.

speaker-1: Whose dad died?

speaker-0: threw a bullet through the car. It like he was, you he pulled him out and shot him.

speaker-1: That's what you get for raising a molester, bro.

speaker-0: Yeah, yeah, yeah. ⁓ man, that's tough. Don't say that, Mike. He didn't know his son was going to be in my luster. ⁓ But yeah, so that and then I don't know if you've seen the Kevin Gates ⁓ interview on Club Shae Shae.

speaker-1: Listen, Kevin Gates is very difficult for me to watch at times. feel like my wallet is going to get taken at one point.

speaker-0: Man, he is an interesting cat, man. ⁓

speaker-1: Yeah, I do. Sometimes I, yeah, I take

speaker-0: Yeah, I don't know, man. I don't know how to gauge him sometimes. He's all over the place. Sometimes he seems genuine. Sometimes he seemed like he might just snap. You never know where he's at. But he was talking about himself and he was molested as a child. Oh, dang. By a man. so Shannon was kind of trying to dig into it a little bit. And he was like, he not here no more. He's like, what? He's basically insinuating. He's like, you're not saying that he did it, but he's saying like. somebody took him out. Like obviously he's not gonna incriminate himself, but he's like, you know, when you do that to people, you deserve to die. And then he was like, he meant all of that. He meant all of it. And he was just kind of talking about like how by that guy, again, not saying that he did it, but leaving the interpretation out there that he has something to do with it. He was like, he ended some generational curses because he wasn't the only one. He was sure it was other people and it's probably people after him. but he was the one that stopped it because of that. you know, I feel all of that. I feel all of that. I don't know that I'm, dang, I might kill some people. I might take somebody out. That might be the instance where I, yeah, I'ma just go ahead and I gotta go do something. Mike, can you take care of the kids?

speaker-1: I got you. Put on some on your books. Yeah, we had to rock a bye baby. You got to go. You to to go.

speaker-0: Yeah, I'm to November. Yes. a four year old kid. You got to I got to go. Of all people too. Like maybe he didn't know it was it doesn't matter right. Like not that it's OK but I'm saying like of all the people typically they're like you know people who are pedophiles or whatever they typically look for families where the dad isn't involved and not present or he doesn't have a strong presence. Can't believe it's UFC heavyweight like he would beat the brakes off you're lucky he wanted to shoot you. Cause he probably could have just beat you to death in the street. Why his kid? Like what was your thought process, big dog? Not that you should have done it with anybody else, but man, you was asking to get killed.

speaker-1: first mistake was wanting a child. So know, that mind ain't really... We can fix it. We can fix it. We're just gonna scramble his brain a little bit with some hot slugs. So maybe we can go Egyptian style and go ahead and just put a hot poker up his nose and fix you, man. We'll tighten you up. Yeah, you got to go.

speaker-0: Yeah, that's crazy. But yeah, so free came and that's probably the only free that you can get out of me. I mean, maybe like we people like Friasada or something like that. Black Panthers or somebody that's.

speaker-1: Rest in

speaker-0: Yeah, political prisoners or something like that. Freedom. But the rest of them got to stay. Yeah.

speaker-1: Thank much. Yeah, know that's your cousin and you love him.

speaker-0: Yeah, but you know he was terrorizing the neighborhood. That's what he signed up for. You know, when you choose that life, only a couple of exits, right? Like you either go on a box or you're to go on a pen. That's pretty much how it works. So you sign up for it, even if you're, you know, your community or whatever, you don't have a choice. You're born into it. I hear you. But man, that's all a part of it. You're born into that, too. So you got to take it, unfortunately.

speaker-1: Your cousin was a gangster. Super gangster. Yeah. Unfortunately. ⁓ Which brings me to a side note. I got another side.

speaker-0: I was gonna say, I don't know how you segue into this, but go for it.

speaker-1: Well, it's kind of the same. So there was a brother, dang, I want to shot him out. I have to put it in the show notes, but I was watching on Instagram. He had like a little short film on Instagram. So he's talking to himself. He's, you know, by himself. He's walking in like New York or something. He's in the hood. Gang of black dudes. It's just, you know, chilling down the block a little bit. He got to walk through him. So he's like, talking to himself like, I gotta keep my eyes on him, but I can't look too hard so that I come off as aggressive, but I also can't keep my head down and not look, you know, him so I don't come off as soft and then they wanna see what's happening anyway. So it's like a whole like three minute thing where he's just like, okay, you got this talk, all right, we walking. And then you hear like some of the cats that he's walking through, you know, like there's different personalities, you know, there's. always that one dude that's like, all right homies, I hope y'all don't trip. I'm trying to do right by myself. I done gave my life to God. I'm trying to just chill, y'all just chill. And the other dude was like, I got the heat on me right now, homie, let me see. You better not act a fool. And it's like other cast is like, okay, you doing all right, homie, but if you trip, you getting knocked out today, we gonna pack you out. So it was like, was, you know, kind of like exaggerated to an extent, but it was like, you know. It was like a beautiful symphony of what, you know, there is something, sometimes we go through that as men, especially you're dating, you know, a girl and she lives in this part of town and you're going to pick her up and you're like, ⁓ she's in the English outside. But it was, was funny and it was, you know, kind of, kind of real at the same time. ⁓

speaker-0: Hey K-Dot, you good? One of them situations, went to go see Shereen. You know what's funny about that is we talk about code switching a lot, not a lot, but we talk about code switching, right? Where we had to code switch to fit into quote unquote society, right? Everybody got like, every black person has a white voice. Right? Like you get on the phone, you call in somebody, like you, if I'm talking to you, it sounds on way. If I'm talking to like, you know, the principal at my daughter's school, it don't sound the same.

speaker-1: Ehhhh, Right.

speaker-0: But we also like as I'm gonna say, I'm suburban now at this point, like when you live in the burbs, you have to co-switch both ways, right? Cause if you go back to your neighborhood, you go to certain neighborhoods, you can't show up as suburban Mike and suburban Rod. Like you just don't fit in. So we're like in an in-between, cause I'll find myself like in certain scenario. And that's one thing I kind of envy about some people is some people have an ability to just. be themselves no matter where they are. They don't care where it's at, right? Like they can go into the boardroom and they be like nigga, nigga, nigga. And then they go to the hood and just then still be that, right? And I wonder like sometimes, ⁓ am I tripping? Like, do I really need to act like that in this space? Or could I have like just been myself and talk the way that I talk? And even that's got layers to it. Cause I'm not like, you know what mean? I'm not ignorant by any means. And so I got a decent vocabulary. So I talk a certain way. But like, I feel in certain scenarios, I dumb down the way I talk, right? And then in some scenarios, I like play up the way I talk. Like we have a work meeting. I'm not in there like, yeah, you know what I mean? just because that's not the environment that that's supposed to be there. However, I remember the same company I'm at now, we had a teacher. He's not there anymore. He's a football coach and became a teacher with us.

speaker-1: Yeah.

speaker-0: And he didn't switch at all. First of all, I didn't know how he got hired because when I first talked to him, he was like, oh, what up, man? And we're in the office. What up, man? What's up? It's nice to see another brother in here. And it's like a room full of like white and Asian people. You know what mean? Come on, man, chill out, bro. You finna put me on the spot. Don't make my spot hot.

speaker-1: No. ⁓

speaker-0: But like in every meeting, he would like not always ask questions. Anytime he asked a question, he was like he was him. Like he didn't he didn't shift and then ask the quarterly reports. What we noticed was he was like, yes, so I was looking at my emails and. God, but I envied it, right, because once you've called switch, you can't go back. Right. Because people are notice right. It is. Rod, is everything okay? What's going on with you today? You sound different. So once you, it's like respect, right? Like you can't come back for it later. Right? So I always envy when people are able to do that and do it with confidence. I ⁓ think I might just be in a different generation of it, maybe. Where we felt like, cause I'm a little older, we had to. I mean, I'm only, I'll be 43 in a couple, you're a little older.

speaker-1: little older?

speaker-0: than that, so you gotta calm down. ⁓ But I'm just wondering, I think about that sometimes and I think it may just be our, well, my generation, your generation's a little bit older. But ⁓ we still were in that world where you had to kind of, you had to be able to do that. You had to have a phone voice or whatever, or when you're going for an interview, you had to talk a certain way to be taken seriously. ⁓ People talk about like on your resume, you had to have a certain name, right? Because if your name was like Malcolm, you might not even get that.

speaker-1: ⁓ man, I had a buddy, name is Shatana Homie Gary, his name was Gary and Gray. So he would always be like, man, you lucky you got that good white name, Mike Todd. You a good white name. I'm like, yeah, I have gone into a you know, couple of interviews and they look up like, ⁓

speaker-0: Okay. Yeah, yeah

speaker-1: I'm saying like, yeah, I made it past the Negro detective. Hello, I am Mike Tom here to interview for the five years I see myself pushing myself and just moving up in the company and doing like, man, five years, man, I'm only trying to be here for two of them, man. I'm trying to get a bad.

speaker-0: Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah. So why is it that you want to work here? Because I need money. Stupid. Why does anybody else want to work here? I don't love this company. I just met you all today. I was trying to get some dollars in my pocket. Oh, but yeah, this is funny. because this is the most recent time. I don't really go switch the other way anymore. I'd like I'm pretty I've been in my circles long enough to just be who I am at this point. But

speaker-1: My business. Right. I'm gonna do the job and then I'm gonna go. school.

speaker-0: Where was I at? I feel like I was in a neighborhood. I don't know exactly where. I'm just gonna say a neighborhood. was a hood. And went into a liquor store, a gas station liquor store. It was a gas station, but it had one pump. So, you know, it's not like a real gas station. It's mostly a liquor store. I go in, nobody's outside. I go in, coke, get some little chips, drink, come back out. And it's like four or five dudes out there, little YNs, like they're young, but they're not super young. They're young enough to not be old, but not young enough to wear like their little kids. So they're in in-between phase. And they got on their YN uniform and they just outside talking, just normal, like kind of cussing each other out, like messing around, probably joking or whatever. But one of them. Like as I walk past, he like looks at me. And this is something we talked about this week on social media. was like, shout out to black people who say what's up to other black people when they see him or like at least a head nod. And it's always a different nod for young and old. And he gave me like the young nod, right? He was like, shit. And I just nodded down. was like, all right, OG. And they let me go.

speaker-1: ⁓ my gosh.

speaker-0: But he gave me that what's up, nah. And I'm like, yeah, nah, nah. I'm not giving you that one player. Just a quick nod down. I didn't give him the white one where he go, nah, you get a fake smile, a hand. Nah, they probably would have checked my pockets. he was like, nah, he was like, all right, OG. And then the other dudes said something to him and they just started laughing. And I was like, these niggas laughing at me. Let me get in my car and get the hell out of But yeah, man.

speaker-1: Did you

speaker-0: I find that funny because I never thought about it that way until just now you're talking about it. I had to code back and forth depending on where you're at. It was crazy.

speaker-1: or to something I'm like, do I want to get into this? I'll get into it ⁓ lightly. But I was trying to explain this to, you know, ⁓ white coworker who doesn't believe that there's anything, there's no such thing as white privilege. And I'm like, I'm like, yeah, man, you got white privilege and it's, it's amazing because you have it and you don't even know you have it. he would never have to code switch in that way. Right. He could. do that, I've seen people, white people do that when they're around a lot of black people, all of sudden they're like, yeah, you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, just be white, it's Stop it, We can end, but you don't have to go into an interview and put on your white voice. You can just speak. And that's what I used to tell people that would do that, like,

speaker-0: Yeah. Gary, you don't have to do that. It don't even sound right. Yeah.

speaker-1: What's happening, Mike Tide? What's up, player? I'd be like, hey man, just talk to me like you talk to your parents, okay? It's fine. Absolutely fine. But, man, that's just one of those things, you know, that we have to deal with that people don't understand that stress. Right. Where you have to flip back and forth and we shouldn't have to. And I'm seeing like, so my daughter and then I'll see, you know, Reese, Maddie and Reese, the way they talk sometimes.

speaker-0: Yeah.

speaker-1: I'd like, oh man, I need to correct. You know what? No, I don't. Go ahead. They got good grades. doing that thing, whatever, whatever. They freeing themselves, but they be, I'm fix to go get this right now, daddy. What you trying to do?

speaker-0: Hehehehe Yeah. But where does you learn that? Exactly.

speaker-1: You're about to Madison, about to. I'm about to go to the store with mommy, daddy, do you want anything? Okay, yeah, yeah. At the same time, I'm like, man, go ahead and be free.

speaker-0: Yeah. You know what? think the lines have softened up, though, ⁓ of like what's professional or what's like ⁓ educated. Like he speaks so well. Like that stuff is kind of as black culture, hip hop, movies, music, ⁓ like as the lines get blurred with this younger generation. I think that goes away a little bit because you're. You go on like the middle school campus, elementary school campus, if you close your eyes, you don't know who's talking at this point. Cause they all sound the same. Minus, you know, you've been on the campus, go on and hear somebody say, nigga, you know who it is. For the most part, right? I was at a car show today and it was a bunch of Mexican dudes ⁓ and I heard somebody say, nigga. And I'm like, looking around, I'm like, what the fuck? But then it was just casual talk. wasn't like the hard E.R. It wasn't talking about, and he wasn't talking about nobody in particular. It was like this, and he kept saying it. And then like, but I was behind him. So the guys that I could see were Mexican and the guy who was talking, he had like kind of created a, I don't know, they had crowded around him to hear what he was talking about. So to me from behind, it was just a group of Mexican dudes. So I just kind of swung around, cause I'm like, there ain't no way he just, I swung around. When I got around, he was a black dude or. and he's mixed maybe. Because his face said black, his hair said Mexican. So I don't know. Because he had like the little Edgar haircut, he had a nigga's nose and lips. So I couldn't tell, you know what I mean? But I'm like, he's black enough. What I'm gonna do anyway, if fight this whole group out here at this car show, like, nah, that's not gonna happen. So I was just thrown off because in that environment, it didn't look like anybody should be saying it.

speaker-1: Thanks. Right.

speaker-0: But again, you close your eyes and everybody listen to the same music now, all these kids into the same stuff. So I guess they get to have a little bit more freedom than we did in terms of like how they can, you know, their code gymnastics don't have to be as on point as ours used to be. Like we used to have to hit 9.6 on the beam.

speaker-1: And he stick that landing.

speaker-0: Yeah, they out here just tumbling. They doing somersaults and stuff. They ain't got no real tricks. He's rolling around on the ground.

speaker-1: Yeah, man, it is a trip. It's, ⁓ I mean, I feel like that's good, you know, it's different times. I think that's good. Just allowing them to be able to. be themselves and not have to figure out how to, because they're gonna not have to figure out how to maneuver in that kind of situation. Cause you're going to have to figure out how to maneuver anyway. Right. In different situations. You know, whether you're a girl or boy or a young man, a young woman, like you got to figure out how to maneuver in different situations. You know, you get in high school, you got to figure it out. Junior high, you got to figure it out. College, you got to figure it out. You know, me being at my job because of

speaker-0: Yeah.

speaker-1: I don't have a corporate job, you know what saying? So I got boots and gloves on. So I can be more, man shut up dog before I smack the dust out your face. But there's still a line I guess I should say. There's still a certain line like with certain people that I may be talking to that I'm cool with, I may talk a little bit differently. I don't really.

speaker-0: Yeah

speaker-1: edit myself, but it might just be like, ⁓ that's a extra Christian Johnny. So let me just make sure I put too much cussing on that. I'm Christian too, but you know.

speaker-0: but being respectful of him though. I think that's a little bit different though. I think that's just a respect thing, right? But also still the same token, I think these kids don't have that same level of it because there's certain things I wouldn't say around my parents. some from fear, Like certain words you wanna say, but then some of it was just respect. Like I wouldn't say stuff to them or it wouldn't even be bad, right? Like if I did, I wouldn't think it was bad. I just wouldn't because that's not the environment.

speaker-1: Hmm.

speaker-0: When you were around adults, when I was a kid, you didn't talk certain ways, right? Or say certain things. My kids, man, they'd be around us and they'd just be like, letting it fly. Not like disrespectful, but just stuff that we would keep in between conversation with kids. Like we just wouldn't talk about it openly in front of adults. this whole, does Maddie still do the D's nuts thing? Anytime we talk about anything that's nuts or balls or anything, it's like,

speaker-1: Nah, nah,

speaker-0: I I live with teenage boys. Like Ari said, she was like, I want to get some mixed nuts. We get like a bag of nuts and the girls almost died. Like, mommy wants nuts. I'm like, come on, man. would never in my mom. I would never to my mom say nothing like that. But yeah. And then they had this thing that they've been messing around with. they used to, they've. they use acronyms instead of saying like certain stuff. So they say, Cy-Bow. You how to say that? I haven't noticed. So Cy-Bow, shut your bitch ass up. And then I say it to each other. And like the first time I heard it, I was like, what? And then I made them explain it to me. it's partially my fault, right? Cause I thought it was like, ⁓ that sounded funny. So I kind of let them do it. And then they did it in front of Ari. Like again, Ari, you got caught. And I gave you a pass. That means you should probably just not do it, right? Nah, they just kept going. So they say in front of her and then she finally figures out what it is. Because I told her and she was like, how you guys will say that in front of your parents in front of you? Like, yeah, but we didn't actually say that. Right. Yeah, we didn't actually say the words. I'm like, yeah, they didn't. But like, it would be like in my house. You couldn't say, dang.

speaker-1: We're free. side.

speaker-0: Because it sounds too much like damn. Like you couldn't even fake cuss.

speaker-1: Yep. just about to say that we used to be like shut the front door in front of my mama

speaker-0: Yeah, man, you get your, you get an open hand popping in mouth.

speaker-1: You can even say, Mom, you're lying.

speaker-0: Never, You call. Never. She could literally she could literally be like and not. Yeah, no, no, no, But again, I think we have where, you know, millennials, millennial, whatever generation parent you are. ⁓

speaker-1: See you later. Yeah. No, can't say that. My lectual is what I was told at work. In between Gen X and Millennial. So this dude created.

speaker-0: Zenniel, isn't that what it is? Nah, he just made something. Yeah, he for sure. ⁓

speaker-1: Melectual. But I mean, I'm a Gen Xer most of the time.

speaker-0: Yeah, but so I think we have, man, through the gentle parenting and we parent a little different with a little bit more ⁓ awareness, a little bit more understanding of what children are going through at a certain time because we went through it. And so we're trying to kind of adjust some things based on the way we were parented. We allow them space to do these things. Like I want my daughters to be able to advocate for themselves when they leave my house. So they got to practice it on me or practice it here. But I'm like at the same time, man, I can't imagine even to this day, I don't cuss in front of my mom. Like I, and not cause she's not cause she don't cuss in front of me or like she would even have an issue with it. I just don't feel comfortable. Like she might have a flashback and then, you know, that'd be it. That'd be the last time you see me. But yeah.

speaker-1: You ride.

speaker-0: It's a different world. Definitely a different world.

speaker-1: It is a different world, but I'm glad it's a different world, man, because yeah, it's progress. It's forward moving. It may seem crazy, but it's not. It's just, ⁓ wait, we can have freedom to be ourselves and not have to pretend when we're even inside our own home and keep everything locked up in our bedroom. And we were here at y'all house when the girls were talking about

speaker-0: progress. Yeah. ⁓ Yeah. Yeah.

speaker-1: What was it? The huzz? So I guess huzz is short for husband, but they use it for girls and guys, whatever. And they started talking about, yeah, my huzz, the name would be... Oh yeah, Matty and Danny or whatever those name was. It like, would be daddy. I'm like, nah, ain't no daddy but me. You lost your mind. But I'm like, the comfortability just to even talk like that?

speaker-0: ⁓ yeah, yeah. Yeah.

speaker-1: It's beautiful but God... DANG!

speaker-0: Yeah, we lived our kid lives in secrecy. Yeah. Our parents are just now like my mom is just now finding out how far we rode by. We talked about some episode and that's why she knew because she was like, you she called me. She said, you rode your bike. Where? was like, man, that was 40 years ago. It ain't no, they know coming back for that.

speaker-1: know what's coming out this time. I'm sorry, it's too late.

speaker-0: Like we was on the other side of the world. you, that's your fault. You should have put a homing device on it. We was gone.

speaker-1: ⁓ man, let's jump into congratulations, brother. What you got going on, man?

speaker-0: Let's do it. Let's do it. be congratulated for, what do I have going on, man? I'm about to be 43. So in a couple of weeks, I'll be 43. And not that I was ever in a situation where I didn't think I was gonna make it to be 29, 21 or whatever, right? But what I'm realizing as, know, when I turned 40 and up to this point and continuing, it's like, I think when I was younger, I looked at 40 as like being old.

speaker-1: right?

speaker-0: And I joke around about it now and be like, ⁓ I'm old, I'm old or whatever. But I feel like, I don't feel 20, but I don't feel old. And I think that a lot of that is about how you carry yourself, how you've taken care of yourself up to this point. And then just how you move on a daily basis. And so I guess, ⁓ this is funny, I said this, I think I remember an episode, said it's funny, me telling you what you should congratulate me on, but we'll do it anyway. ⁓

speaker-1: So.

speaker-0: No, but I feel good. I feel good at 43. Once the doctors, everything checked out, I like I'm still going up. Back in the day, was at 40. You see all the birthday cards like over the hill. Nah, I'm still climbing. I'm still climbing. And I think some of that is looking at there's a chart. I have it in my phone somewhere, but it's like where people became millionaires or where people who own certain businesses where that business finally took off. A lot of them is 40 plus. So I don't think we had that awareness back then. was like, know, 40 was midlife and, you know, everything was downhill from there. I haven't had a midlife crisis. I feel like I'm still going strong. I'm still moving in the right direction. I do. do. That was a birthday present, a crisis. I am not in crisis. And, and,

speaker-1: So you got that blue Corvette? Not a midlife crisis, bro. Okay, just check it. That is the philosophy.

speaker-0: Though I'm approaching midlife, think I'm make it to 90. I'm saying I'm making it. So I'm getting close, but not slowing down. And I think that's a good thing. I think I'm just I'm just more ⁓ I'm wiser now about the things that I do. I'm wiser. Yeah. Right. The circle that I keep, the spaces that I'm in, the decisions that I make, I think I have a better understanding of what works for me ⁓ and where I want to expend my energy. And so for that, like I feel

speaker-1: Yeah, I'm super 90.

speaker-0: feel like I'm on the right track. And I think that deserves congratulations. I know a lot of you know, reaching for straws and still trying to figure it all out. But I think I got it right now.

speaker-1: does. Yeah, man, you do, man. Congratulations, Appreciate you, brother. Congratulations, man. Man, you know what? I feel like every time I hop on here and I start talking about congratulations, I keep going back to health. But I guess that's, you know, once you hit 45, brother. But I was proud of myself, man. I got my colonoscopy. I told you all about it. You we got a colonoscopy going on. Got the colonoscopy.

speaker-0: What about you big dog, who we got going? You

speaker-1: One of those things where you're little scared, you know what saying? Man, go out there, get your colonoscopy, man. If you're in your upper 40s or if you got history of colon cancer in your family, get that colonoscopy, man. It's not as scary as I thought it was gonna be. So they gave me this giant jug, it's like three liters, and you just mix it with water and it has a solution in it. You gotta drink like eight ounces every 20 minutes. By the time you hit halfway through that thing, everything in your system is now gone. It's gone. And then the day of your colonoscopy, you wake up and you drink the rest. And yeah, man, ain't nothing coming out but lemonade every time you use the bathroom. And it is very tripped out, but that was the hardest part. Drinking that stuff and having to use the bathroom every 10 minutes, but. After that, man, like the buildup is, you know, the stress of the situation and I was going, going, I don't know, man. I'm a man's man. You can't be, man, it wasn't even crazy. I went in there, sat down for a while. They called me in. lay down on the gurney, you know, check my vitals, ask me all the questions, yada, yada, yada. Put a little tube in my nose, told me to take a deep breath. I took two deep breaths, then woke up. Done. It was done. Knocked me out, man. Like a light work, light work knocked me out. didn't, I wasn't extra groggy. You know what saying? I just woke up and I was like, oh, okay, cool. And they found like one little

speaker-0: They're not too

speaker-1: They called a pile up, one little pile up and tested it and they were like, nah man, it's benign, no cancer, you're good bro, see you in five, 10 years or whatever.

speaker-0: But five to 10 years. That seemed like a long time. I think it happened in five to 10 years.

speaker-1: I mean, you know, can talk to your doctor and go when you want to. ⁓

speaker-0: All right, yeah, I'm not saying like go every week and then.

speaker-1: Yeah, yeah. But, you know, it was just one of those things where it was just, I was at Costco. I went in there like 11, got out of there by like, they were backed up, but I got out of there by like one. We were at Costco. Like it never happened. I was like, dang, this is what I was worried about all that times. But yeah, it wasn't bad at all. I feel good on my health journey and

speaker-0: I can never have

speaker-1: it's starting to reflect in my household. Cause even when I was leaving to come over here, Tiff and Matty were, you know, it's that time. So they want some sweets, know, whatever, whatever. He want us to pick you up something from, you know, the ice cream. I know you're not really doing too much sweets like that. So I just wanted to ask you first. I'm like, no, I'm good. Go ahead on, you know, usually the weekend, you know, I'm getting a little something, Yeah, but.

speaker-0: You gotta get a something.

speaker-1: I was like, I'm good. I'm actually, cool. I'm good. So go ahead. But just her just noticing and asking me that. I was like, dang, okay, I'm out here doing a little something, right? Yeah. You know? Yeah.

speaker-0: And people notice. ⁓ congratulations, brother. Get your booty play. Come out on the other side and go go get some wings. I mean, you don't want no extra sweets because you already had enough sugar.

speaker-1: Thank you. Dang man, you see brothers can't even you know, I'm saying

speaker-0: But yeah, it wouldn't be right if I didn't. didn't want to do it culturally. had to.

speaker-1: This is right. You had to. Ain't no cold switching on this podcast.

speaker-0: I to, like I was trying, there was so many times where I was double-dutching. was like, yeah. Yeah, let me go ahead and get. Yeah, that's not my bad, Good, man. Yeah. But I got in there. That's a lost art, man. I wonder in the hoods and the inner cities, is the girl still double dutching? Because that was the thing. Even at school, used to bring the jump ropes to school and they'd be doing it at lunch or during or whatever. But I haven't seen nobody.

speaker-1: I was just, you know, I trying. Man.

speaker-0: We went to go visit our his cousin Keisha in North Carolina and it was There's people out there doing it, but it wasn't you know, it wasn't us and So Keisha was like, oh, I think I could still do it I mean, they got in a couple little, but it wasn't like, know, when was kids and you had a little barrettes pouncing around, the knockers. Yeah. Spinning around in circles and all that. wouldn't know. I wouldn't pay money, but I would enjoy seeing that. I was going say I would pay money to see a little double dutch happening, but I would not. I'm lying. I would not pay a dime. However, if I stumbled onto a group of girls playing double dutch.

speaker-1: Bye.

speaker-0: I was like, ⁓ man, look at that. That would warm my little black heart. ⁓

speaker-1: We've talked about this before. This is a bit of a side note again. Welcome to the side note show. ⁓ Just real quick, then we can get into the group chat. But it's part of black culture, man. We've had the discussion about black culture. Do we have culture? we I'm always, I'm like, yes, we have black culture. Black culture is so thick that the world loves it. that double Dutch, that's black culture, baby.

speaker-0: Hey.

speaker-1: And the thing that I don't wanna say I fear, but I do notice as we continue to move up in progress financially in the world, like, are we losing that part of our culture? Right? Is it rock and roll? You know what I'm saying? Where it's like, what? don't listen to no rock or roll. That's white people stuff. Like, no, that's your stuff. What you talking about?

speaker-0: Yeah, yeah.

speaker-1: It's a double Dutch just, cause I ain't seen, you know, our daughters really don't double, they may hit the hula hoop. I remember the hula hoop. I think Maddie double Dutched a little bit at school cause she went to a blackity, black, black school before we moved out this way. But yeah, as we move into these better neighborhoods, there's less of us, like are we losing some of that part of our culture?

speaker-0: Yeah. I feel like, I mean, I would say yes, right? Like some of it is getting left behind. ⁓ And me and Ari's dad talk about this with baseball, right? Cause we talk about like the Negro leagues and MLB. Negro leagues was doing just fine, right? Like it was popular. The players were, you know, they were having a good time. The game was interesting to watch. And then Jackie Robinson gets to play in MLB. And very shortly after. Negro League baseball is gone. It never comes back. Not even like it has its own thing where it's running on the side. It's like, nah, we could play with them now. So I'm not playing with y'all no more. And the game just falls apart and it goes away. that, even now, looking back at it, if you watch some of them old videos of those games, man, these dudes was killing. Right? And it wasn't, it's not just like all the circus tricks and all that stuff. It's not like the Harlem Globetrotters. Like they was playing real baseball.

speaker-1: Yeah, B

speaker-0: Right. It wasn't like a, dumbed up game to try to make it fun and exciting for the crowd. Like they was just playing baseball at a very high level. ⁓ And because we are progressing and moving up and you know, now we can play in MLB and the lines or the segregation and all that kind of stuff starts falling away. Then we just like, all right, well, we don't need that league no more. And I think a lot of that happens in a lot of different ways, right? Like as we start to assimilate. we got to give up some stuff. And some of the things like double dutching, I think just in general, the way society is working right now, people just ain't outside like they used to be. ⁓ Kids don't really play outside like they used to. And so some of those things are gonna go away because of that. But also, it's not as cool as it used to be, right? Even like these little patty cake stuff. ⁓ man, they had so many different things they would be doing. Like my sisters would be out like.

speaker-1: Yeah.

speaker-0: And then you learn them as a boy, just cause you're around. Like some of the stuff, know, like slide and all that stuff. But there's no use for it now. Like kids just don't do it. Cause they, you know, they playing Roblox or whatever, right? DTI and all that kind of stuff. And so I wonder if there is something though, right? Like if that goes away, what is the next thing that like is the black culture thing? Cause there's gotta be something that's unique to us. that is going on in communities and households that like maybe we're just not aware of. But that can be assigned to black culture. It's just not it's just not double-dutch anymore. It's this, you know, but I don't know what that thing is. I'm curious, So if you all know, right, if there's like some black culture kid thing that's going on out there that we don't know about, please share. Because, right again, I'm not paying to see it. But if you record a video and send it over, I'll post it.

speaker-1: Go ahead put a like on it. Yeah

speaker-0: Yeah, we got some double dutching going on for sure. ⁓

speaker-1: Yeah, hey. Yeah, man, we like 40 minutes in, sir. ⁓

speaker-0: Yeah. All right, let's get into the group chat and then get the hell up on audio. You know what mean? That's what they came for.

speaker-1: That's right. So in the group chat, man, so I'm on the Instagrams, the socials, as I usually say. You got me, Mark Zuckerberg, that's how you got me. ⁓ But I saw Kev on stage, man. I like Kev on stage a lot, man. Mary, brother, comedian, Christian, dude. Ball brother. Shout out to him. My man. What's his boy? Tony Baker. Yeah. Shout out to Tony Baker. Used to watch you. Long time ago, Northside comedy, people don't Tony Baker is the biggest hater. I remember those. ⁓ Hilarious. But he's just talking about a tweet and the tweet was like, married man, how do you manage seeing an attractive person as a married man? And I was like, yo, let's put that in the group chat. So I'm gonna let you, you know what saying, go ahead and kick that off, brother.

speaker-0: So if you guys haven't seen it, he posts like a video of it and kind of goes through it. And ⁓ I'll say I agree with everything he said. And you guys obviously don't see the video right now. So I'll talk about why I agree with what he said. So seeing somebody attractive, like we're not blind, right? when you get married, it's not like automatically you don't see other people. It's not like when white people are like, I don't see color. Yes you do.

speaker-1: Yes. ⁓

speaker-0: Right. And you see beautiful women. Like we live in California. It's sunny. There's beautiful women all over the place. Right.

speaker-1: Yeah, it's winter, 70 degrees, just like. ⁓

speaker-0: Yeah, yeah, right. All this sunshine. But seeing someone who is attractive and acting on that attraction is totally different thing. Like you can acknowledge that that person is attractive and that's fine. Right? Like you're human, but that's where it stops. Right? So there's no need to manage anything. ⁓ yes, I saw her and. Not only that, ⁓

speaker-1: My life.

speaker-0: I also realize being in a relationship, being married, I know how much work it is to stay in this relationship. And like, I know how much value I get from being in this relationship that I would not waste my time trying to find or build that with somebody else. Like I say all the time, I don't know how dudes do it. Right? That dudes will like have two families or like you got a wife and a side chick, bruh. It's so much work just keeping my wife happy. I can't imagine like splitting my time and my brain and like having this world over here where I'm trying to keep this person happy. And then over here, I'm like, ⁓ I got to go take her out and spend. no. Like, I don't care how fine you are. You are not worth my peace. You are not worth my energy. Like I'm very, very happy where I'm at. I don't care who it is.

speaker-1: right? No sir.

speaker-0: Like we talk about like celebrity passes and all that, that's not real life. So yeah, okay, sure. Halle Berry walk up to the crib, she knock on the door right now. You know, I already would have to understand. Yeah, but she know, like come on man, but that's not gonna happen. Like you see somebody on the street, you run into somebody at the grocery store, like there's a whole lot of work that gets into that before you get to something else. If you don't get tripped up along the way, then you probably should reconsider the relationship you're in anyway. Because that's a lot of, it's that.

speaker-1: I've got to forgive me.

speaker-0: Even if it was like the movies, right? They see somebody in the movies and they kick the door in, kissing each other, have sex on the couch, right? That don't happen in real life. Come on, man. That's not how it works. You're not gonna see somebody at the gas station and next thing you know, you're on the bathroom. Like that don't happen in real life. Not with beautiful people. So again, like when you realize where you're at, Jamerri, man, you made a commitment. You love that person. Obviously there's some attraction there, right? I don't think you get to a point where you are in that relationship if you're not attracted to that person. You know how, you know they're crazy, right? I think that's another thing. They're crazy, right? Just keep it a buck. Everybody's crazy. I'm a little crazy. My wife's a little crazy, but I know her crazy and I love her crazy. I'm not finna take chances figuring out somebody else's crazy. Oh man, come on. I'm definitely not finna mess up this.

speaker-1: I said. Okay.

speaker-0: crazy that I can handle for some unknown crazy. no. ⁓

speaker-1: always says you gotta read the fine print. I done read all the fine print for my wife and now I gotta figure out the fine print and what's going on with you and how you got two brothers in jail and you gotta support them and they gonna be home in a year and that, no, no, no.

speaker-0: Yeah, look, you see it, you notice it, tip of the cap, you keep going. I don't have nothing to do with that. What about you, bro?

speaker-1: Yeah, I feel the same way, man. I'm gonna jump into a story. Tiff, don't cuss me out. ⁓ No, I told her this. We keep it clear and free and open to discussion. ⁓ So I used to work for this company called Redbox. I talked about it in some of the earlier episodes. So I'm inside. this store service in a machine and they got two machines in their store. They got one machine on one side and one on the other side. So I come in, I see this bad, bad one, right? And the mistake I made was I saw her, but then I was looking at her, right? So there's a difference. You can see somebody all day. ⁓ yeah, dang, she bad. Okay, anyway. But I was like, Dang, ⁓ see, woo, woo. All right, man, anyways, let me get back to work. tripping, right? So that happens. Fix that machine, then I go to the other side of the store. I'm working on the other side of the, on the other store, on the other machine. I'm over here stumbling and bum, like, hey, baby.

speaker-0: Hmm?

speaker-1: So I'm boom, I'm almost done with the machine, about to get up out of there. I see the same girl and she's just sitting there looking at me. You know, I'm married Mike, like I don't know the game no more, right? So I'm like, why is she sitting there staring? God, what is wrong with her? And then boop, ⁓ she noticed I was looking at her. And she was like, what's happening? And that scared the shit out of me.

speaker-0: you seeing her. No edits. No edits.

speaker-1: This episode, that scared the shit out of me. And I said, ⁓ no. Never ever again. Never ever again. But that was one of those wake up calls when you're just like, there's a difference between seeing somebody and looking at somebody. And I looked at her and nah, never again. Never again.

speaker-0: Yeah. She was one of them club parking lot lines like, what up, big fella? I see you peeking, but you ain't speaking.

speaker-1: my god, ⁓ yeah

speaker-0: No, I'm just filling up the machine.

speaker-1: I gotta get out of here. Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. But she left after a while and I was just like, oh man, I'm tripping. then when I got home, I had to tell Tiff, like, hey, this is what happened. Of course she laughing at me like, you goofy. I can't believe you. You just so goofy. Cause she knows I never in a million years, whatever, step out on her. just, yeah, that was enough. That was enough, man. So. I always tell different, especially there's dudes that I work with that are newly married or dudes that are actually trying to for real, for real be married that I'm talking to. ⁓ Same thing you said, it's like, bro, I'm in love, I'm not blind, but they don't matter. Keep it pushing. If I see somebody with some fly shoes on, I'm like, those are fly. Keep it pushing.

speaker-0: Yeah, just... Yeah, yeah. ⁓

speaker-1: I don't be like, want your shoes. need your shoes. I'll feed them. Right now, man, I'm out, man. It's cool.

speaker-0: Come on. Yeah, think that there's already something going on, maybe internally, you know, and there's something you got to work through if like, you have to look, you know what I mean? again, like you say, you can see something, but if you have to look and then you have to take it to the next step, that's tough. That's a tough scenario, right? Because you seem to be trapped, my brother.

speaker-1: Yeah Thank you.

speaker-0: You signed up for life, right? Because everybody wants to progress in their life. You want to get married and you. Those are like the next steps. You have kids and all that. Right. Maybe he wasn't ready. You know what mean? Like maybe you weren't where you needed to be or there's, you know, maybe some things you got to work out. I'm not here to, you know, judge anybody. But like, ⁓ it's pretty easy to manage. You know what I mean? I don't think it's like a struggle, not a heavy weight to lift.

speaker-1: Yeah. Right. Free.

speaker-0: It is just like, yo, okay, I saw it, you know, and. You get to a point in your relationship where y'all both see her. You know what I mean? Like, you know, y'all somewhere and be like, ooh, she was beautiful. Right? Like, oh man. I told my boys about this and I told Ari too. And she was with me, but like, she didn't see her. Man, we was in Claremont, like the little old town area of Claremont with like the little stores or whatever. And we walk in and it's a homeless lady.

speaker-1: Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

speaker-0: I think she was homeless. mean, she looked homeless in terms of like her setup, right? She had like a little blanket on the ground, like backpack and a cart. She's like doing something and she turned around. She was beautiful. I've never seen, I have never in my life seen a homeless woman and been like, oh my God. It was like, you know, she turned, was like the sun hit her face, like, there's like violins. And I was like, ⁓ my God. And like, so we had got kind of got past her and I was tapped her and I like, did you see that lady? She was like, the homeless lady? I was like, man, we got to turn around. I was like, just look. And we turned around and walked back and she wasn't, she didn't turn around again. So we didn't see her. But I was like, man, that lady was beautiful. She's like, there's no way. I was like, yeah, she must've just got homeless. like today, or she just like, she got a makeover and like then they sent her back on her homeless way, know what Like they do on them shows. Like, ⁓ we're going to take care of you. And they like make them look, like pin my ride. She just got her ride pinned. Yeah, but man, she was absolutely beautiful. in situations like that, in other situations, right, you see somebody, ⁓ she's pretty. And like, we're so comfortable in our relationship that you can say that kind of stuff, or she can say that, right? I don't really be like, ⁓ that dude's handsome, but I'm ready.

speaker-1: to where you gotta go.

speaker-0: He's a good looking dude or whatever, like, you know, ain't no issue. Because I feel like she can manage it, you know, and I would be like, oh, he is beautiful. Step out of the way. And I'm not going to that to her, right? Right. And that's, yeah, so it's not that difficult to manage. But I think maybe maybe he was just curious as what what guys are doing.

speaker-1: Right, yeah, yeah. Sorry. Excuse me. Nah.

speaker-0: Just look, you see it. I'm sorry, you just see it. Just see it. Don't look, don't stare, all right? Because your eyes will get stuck like that.

speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah, it reminds me of that movie Devil's Advocate when Al Pacino was playing the devil. And it was like, God messes with you. Look, but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste taste, but don't swallow. I think it's not really all that hard, my man. But sure. But yeah, I had the same moment, man. I was.

speaker-0: Hmm? Yeah. No

speaker-1: at this store, it's like a store where they sell like all the Amazon returns and all this kind of stuff. Actually pretty cool store, but, and I'm in there by myself, it's like on Fridays, it's like a dollar for everything. So I'm like, let me see if I can grab a little something. We're going through stuff. This lady comes in and she was damn near naked, man, but she was, she had on a full dress, but it was like see through. So when I got home, said, Tip, there was a naked lady at the store today. She was like, what? I was like, nah, can't, you know, that's, now we getting on creep status. Yeah, I can't.

speaker-0: Did you take a picture? Man, I'm taking this just so can show my wife.

speaker-1: I'm sure my wife, man. And I mean, if she, you know what saying? Everything was put together. She looked, you know what saying? Like a regular, a regular person with just a Instagram body. Or just regular, her regular face. But she had like a dress that was just kind of pretty much see through. And I was like, why are you coming to this stuff? Maybe you need some.

speaker-0: Okay.

speaker-1: some attention or something or, I don't know, but Tiff was just breaking it down like some fabrics in the light, when you put it on in the dark, looks fine in the light. And I was like, oh, okay.

speaker-0: She ain't had nobody to tell her. Maybe her nipples or... I don't know if you noticed. Headlights. The headlights are on. ⁓

speaker-1: Man, see... Yeah, yeah, it was one of those moments where I'm just like, yeah, and like you said, she can handle it, I can handle it. We're good, man. Yeah.

speaker-0: Yeah, we're adults, man. You can see stuff and be okay with it. I don't think it's a big deal. You don't have to pretend you didn't see it or act like it doesn't exist. Like your wife is absolutely beautiful to you. She is the most beautiful woman in the world to you. That doesn't mean that other people are not beautiful. It doesn't mean that their beauty is in conflict with hers. if you think somebody else is attractive automatically now, you don't think she's attractive. That's not how it works.

speaker-1: Right. Hmm.

speaker-0: You know, it's not not all lives matter, you know. It's just listen, my wife, my wife's life matters. But yeah, so was there anything else in the group chat? I think that was well, you I think you had something else.

speaker-1: You ⁓ yeah. So let me check my palm pad. Actually, we have fifty five. What you thinking? I think we can. You want to end it and pop it on the next one. OK.

speaker-0: ⁓ yeah. Yeah, because we're going to shortchange it if we do it right now.

speaker-1: We're gonna run through it. Well, yeah, okay, so yeah, check the next episode. We got something coming for y'all. We're gonna continue on and it's, maybe we'll just throw it in the side note or just jump into it. yeah.

speaker-0: Yeah, it's been put in Patreon. So y'all gotta pay $1.99 or whatever the pay. I'm joking. I don't know what Patreon is. it and get the exclusives on the other side. All the stuff we talk about pre pod and, you know, some some topics that don't make it to the episode. So we should really do that, though. We be having a little little side chats that probably are, I think, interesting as well, just like the podcast. So maybe we work on putting that together because it's stuff that we talk about that don't make it on here. So. Anyway, ⁓ man, you got to wrap it up.

speaker-1: Yeah, we saw. Just don't drink that.

speaker-0: soaking on water. That's how you know you old, man. Water's gonna take me out.

speaker-1: right?

speaker-0: Yeah, yeah, The guy gonna work it out. No, but let's wrap this thing up, All listening, soldiers, ⁓ blah, blah. Appreciate you guys joining us. Appreciate you all. You know, coming in, getting a little grown man game, hearing what we got going on. I think we probably should close with some actual grown man game. We've just been talking for the last time, the last 50 minutes or so.

speaker-1: Work it out. Hey, we gave y'all some sprinkling grown men game.

speaker-0: We did. think that, you know what, I think the grown man game to take away, especially from the group chat situation is, you know, ⁓ it is OK to recognize beauty. ⁓ That's fine. Acknowledge it. Don't act on it. Right. I think that's probably the biggest thing, because if you want, I mean, you you agreed you signed up for this relationship, you signed up to be married, you signed up to spend the rest of your life with somebody. And whether that be whether that be like you're in a

speaker-1: There you go.

speaker-0: early stages of a relationship or late stages of relationship or wherever you are in a relationship. If you're with that person and you guys are exclusive, not like you're just dating or playing the field or whatever, but like you're exclusive. So this is probably for younger guys that maybe aren't married yet or considering it. Yeah, you can acknowledge the fact that other people are beautiful, but action is a whole nother step. We're not acting on things that are gonna take away from our bottom line.

speaker-1: Yes, sir.

speaker-0: My bottom line, my wife is my bottom line. That is where I'm grounded, that is where I want to be, that is the place that I want for the rest of my life. And I'm not finna mess that up for nobody. Nobody.

speaker-1: Sir, nobody. Nobody, baby.

speaker-0: So listen, man, if you guys ⁓ aren't already following us on Instagram, ⁓ make sure you do that grown man game pod on Instagram. ⁓ If you want to ask some questions or you got some requests and things you want to maybe have us talk about, you can shoot us a DM on there or you can email us at grown man game podcast at Gmail dot com. ⁓ If you're not following Big Mike already, maybe nice Mike. because he may be nice, but he may not be. And I'm at Forfeit Fatherhood, the number four. Make sure you like, share, subscribe, shoot this to a brother that needs some game or your boy that keeps looking at girls that you're not supposed to be looking at. Go ahead and slide in his DMs. Like, hey man, I'm not judging you, but this is episode I think you should listen to. Appreciate y'all.

speaker-1: Alright y'all, deuces. ⁓ you