148 Find Harmony with Clarity and Focus with Aneta Kuzma

0:00 you know my false story was well. It seems frivolous that you know you should be so grateful and I've discovered and I share this with my clients that you can be extremely grateful and I was for every blessing in your life, for all of the things, for the job, for all of it. And you can also acknowledge that you're a little discontent and that this isn't fulfilling. Those two emotions can exist at the same time and there should be no judgment about it. Right. Yeah To me that empathy for self coming and going. You know this. I'm worthy of this. I'm worthy, you certainly are. So welcome everybody to Connect, inspire, create.

0:42 In today's episode, our focus is on your well-being, especially for entrepreneurs and professionals, and my guest who joins me today, Aneta Kuzma, who is a coach, author, podcast host herself, yoga, meditation and a breathwork facilitator, is here to tell us a little bit more how to do that. So, Aneta, welcome, lovely to have you here with me today. Carol, thank you so much for having me on the show. I'm so excited for our conversation. Likewise, I know we're going to have some inspiration and just to give people some tips and tools that they can take away and implement into their lives. I just would love to share with those that are listening that Annetta did spend 25 successful years in corporate and then you found yourself burned out and dissatisfied.

1:31 That's a long chunk of time 25 years, wow. So off. You went on your own self-discovery journey and you founded your coaching and consulting business, as you say, to help others live the width I love this, not just the length of their lives. And that's just such a beautiful visual because we are, we're always kind of looking at what's in front of us and where to go to next. So I'd love for you. You know you share that your passion is to just help others get unstuck and awaken their potential. But when did your journey start? If we take you back to corporate world 25 years and now where you are, please tell us more Sure.

2:13 I think my journey is probably similar to many people's where I felt like my future was sort of predetermined in terms of you know society, or parents, teachers, you know professors. They always tell us you go to school, you get the grades, you graduate, you find a good job, you work really hard, you work for the next promotion, like it's just the path is sort of like laid out, and then, once you get all those things, then it's not really laid out. Then the next big milestone, of course, is retirement, and so I think that's why so many people have what we call like a midlife crisis, which I don't actually think is a crisis, depending on how you approach it.

2:56 I call it an awakening. And so for me, mine started probably a little bit younger. I went, I decided to get my MBA because I felt like, oh, I'm in banking, my undergraduate degree was not in a business minor or major. So I thought, okay, I need to build credibility, I'm going to get my MBA. It seems like the next logical thing to do. And so I went from 38 to 40. And I think that was the first moment, because you pause, because you get off the hamster wheel for a moment, to study, to meet new people, to be outside of your company, outside of your family and I was also married and raising a family at the same time.

3:36 We did a life vision. It was 20-page paper on what we wanted the rest of our life to look like, what we wanted our legacy to be. We wrote an obituary for our life like deep work that I'd never done before, and that was probably the beginning when I started to think, huh, is this the path for the rest of my life, or is there something different? And so that's probably the first inkling. And then, from there, I spent probably at least another eight years six to eight years not doing anything, continuing to work hard, not making any changes.

4:17 And then I finally hired a coach because I was stuck myself, like I had a vision, but I wasn't sure how to build the bridge to get there, and so I finally said I probably need to make this investment in myself and for me. I couldn't do it until I felt like my kids were more self-sufficient, because I had all this maternal guilt. But that's probably when I first decided to see something. And then, after I worked with my coach, I spent another two years in my job building more of the runway, and then, when I was ready, it was time to start the business, and I gave myself two days after my last day at work before I actually dove right into my business.

5:07 Not the longest break, but that is fantastic because it's just it's timing, isn't it? I mean, we can beat ourselves up that you know we're aware of something, you've done something. I mean writing that all down, wow, that must have been quite something. It was the hardest assignment, I say in all of grad school. It was the hardest thing because you just had it. You were the only one that had the answers, and so I didn't have the answers. I had to search for them. So that takes some quiet contemplative time and deep searching and, I'm sure, kind of painful on the journey because you're uncovering these layers of the onion and trying to find answers.

5:50 But I love what you shared the importance of finding a coach to journey with you, absolutely, because often I'm independent and I'm sure you are as well, and we think we can do it, we think we can fix it, we think we can find these solutions, and just that importance of somebody listening to you and then just giving you those nudges and that forward motion. Yeah, and as a woman, I felt I don't know if you felt like this or if anyone in your audience feels this way but I didn't want to spend money on myself. I was a mom and a wife and you know we had, you know, young daughters and saving for college and all these things.

6:31 It just seemed to me. You know, my false story was well, it seems frivolous that you know you should be so grateful and I've discovered and I share this with my clients that you can be extremely grateful and I was for every blessing in your life, for all of the things, for the job, for all of it. And you can also acknowledge that you're a little discontent and that this isn't fulfilling. Those two emotions can exist at the same time and there should be no judgment about it. Right, yeah To me that empathy for self coming and going. You know this. I'm worthy of this. I'm worthy, you certainly are.

7:12 So where we are now with you, having moved into your coaching business, and I know that you work with entrepreneurs and professional people to help them deal with these things that you're sharing and the space that you arrived at, what is one personal habit? Do you think that has helped contribute to your success? now, at where you are, yeah, I would say that the best thing that I did for myself when I first started my business was to set up the structure for my days and my weeks for success, sustainable, long-term success, and so I created my schedule around the things that I was never going to give up again, and so for me, that was a really strong morning routine that included time to think, to savor my coffee, to meditate, to journal, to spend time moving my body, exercising, taking care of myself and also making sure that I had breaks throughout the day, that I wasn't somehow replicating what I'd experienced in corporate and going to burn myself out again, and making sure that I had things on the calendar that honored what was important to me, aligning my daily choices to the things that were important my family, my health, my spirituality, my friendships, which sometimes all these things can fall away when we focus too much on just one or two areas of life.

8:43 So I would say, structuring my days and my weeks and being very selfish with my calendar in that way, setting those boundaries, was something I'd never done before in my life and it was very new. But I'll tell you, when you're day one, you're no longer working full time and you have a completely empty calendar. It's up to you. There's no one to blame if you mess it up one to blame if you mess it up. That's just. I love you at that chair because I was going to ask you just how do you practically align. You know your daily choices and you've just shared that with your dreams and your goals, and that there has to be balance. Yeah, I like to call it white space on my calendar and, funnily enough, I mean, I'm not sure where you are in the world.

9:27 Oh, Cleveland, Ohio in the States. Lovely. So I'm in New Mexico and we are having the most beautiful days, but it's really turned me around this week and I'm going hang on a minute. I need bigger white spaces in my calendar and I need to work in the evening, with the sun setting, you know, so I can take two hours out of my day. I wouldn't do that in winter, because it makes sense, but now. But we have that option to be able to go. You know, let's block the calendar let's move around, let's yeah and it's hard break. It's a hard um, it's a hard habit to break if we're not used to proactively doing that.

10:10 But even the idea, as you said, of rescheduling if suddenly you need to or want to, that's okay, that's such a gift, absolutely. I mean and I know we, you, know, as you mentioned, you have family and you know one needs to be aware. But I love to. Just I let my husband know in the morning this is, you know, here, here and here, and this is what I'm doing. And I do feel a little guilty kind of working in the evening because I'm always telling people you shouldn't do that, but I'm doing the self-care for me in the earlier part of the day. And that's right. You know, that's right. One's got to be aware of that. So I'd love to ask you just for some practical advice. Um, you know, I saw on your website the fact of you know, losing zest for life, which is kind of where you found yourself going.

10:54 Um, yeah, corporate burnouts, but you just don't know how to get yourself unstuck. So you're aware, but you don't know what to do. Yeah, how would you help somebody in that situation? Yeah, it's the first thing I always say is it's really important to regulate our nervous systems? Because you can't think clearly, you can't really focus, it's really hard to vision anything long-term if you're barely surviving or if you're only surviving, and so activities that regulate the nervous system are so important. So for me, I say sleep. We have to address sleep.

11:34 It's so critical. If you do not get good sleep, I'm not gonna tell you to wake up early for a morning routine, because that defeats the purpose. So sleep first. And then, of course, are you nourishing yourself? Are you nourishing your body, giving yourself what you need, you know, drinking your water, et cetera, taking care of your physical body as well. And then what are you doing for yourself, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually? Like really looking at those buckets and saying what are the activities I know I would enjoy and how do I start to sprinkle those in throughout my day. All of that is going to nourish you and is going to start to regulate your nervous system. So for me, meditation and somatic breath work are so important.

12:18 They're some of the fastest ways. Along with cold plunging, which some people like to do, those three things are actually one of the fastest ways to stimulate the vagus nerve and tell our bodies that we are safe, and to move into the parasympathetic nervous system, which is the rest and digest. And many of us are not spending enough time in that restful nervous system. We are in that fight or flight or freeze or fawn sympathetic. You know where we're just rushing all day long. So those are some of the things that I would say are really important to regulate the nervous system first. And once you get into that space, it's helping people to dream again, like let's go in and say what do you want to do?

13:03 What are some of the things you would love to do? How do you infuse joy in your day, every day? Little things like using your favorite mug or taking a tea break in the afternoon, going for a walk when you want to right, having fresh flowers in your house these do not have to be big, expensive, big things, they're little things and just tapping back into that and asking yourself what would give me joy? Is it having really good candles and lighting it all the time, or vases of flowers? You have some behind you, right, and that would be the next step and really helping people. Then do that vision, that longer term vision of what do you want your life to look like, and working from that view.

13:46 First, because when we have the vision, it's so much easier to work backwards and say, let's build a bridge, how are you going to get there? Which is what my coach did with me, and so, but I never would have been able to do the vision on my own, and for sure, if I didn't have the vision, I wouldn't have created the right action steps. And I think without the vision, it's why so many people find themselves stuck, because they're busy all the time, they're not tending to their health, and then they have no time or they're exhausted to try to even imagine getting through the next day, let alone, what does my life look like in 10 years? So yeah, so those are some of the things that I would do with clients. That's fantastic, yeah, because how do you begin to dream?

14:27 There's no capacity to dream. No, you haven't addressed that all. First, to give you the foundation, yeah, and then to have somebody to partner with you and to open up that dream and to find the steps that to take those steps. Yeah, and Carol too, when we do the dreaming and the visioning, that's when, naturally, people's limiting doubts and beliefs are going to come up, because many times, even if you have the dream, people will go oh, but I can't do that, or how would I ever, or wait, this is so different than what I'm doing today. I don't have enough time, or I'm not, I don't have the credentials, or whatever. And then of course, you know we can work through those as well.

15:08 Yeah, it's so interesting that you say that because in the program that I use, positive Intelligence, one of the sage powers that we bring in is to explore, and so when you have that dream and you go, let's explore, let's talk about this, but let's just take 10 percent that you like about this idea and then build on it. And build on it so an incremental, as opposed to going. That dream's way too big. I can't do anything about it and I have to share that. I peeked at your Instagram and saw your retreats in Erice Rea and I am a Portugal lover girl. I mean I've been there, I don't know six, seven, eight times. My daughter got married just outside Erice Rea last year, oh my gosh, that's amazing. So when I saw you at a retreat I was like this is tempting.

15:51 Oh, there's one room available. Oh, that's exciting. Will you do it again or do you have other locations? I did Tuscany last year, so I do some, I do domestic and then I try to do it. I've been doing like one international, so I did um. My very first one was in kashkash in portugal in 2019 and um, oh my gosh, so, um, and then I did Tuscany last year and so I definitely would love to explore, and, um, and Portugal's just um, it's so beautiful. Of course you love it and the people are just warm and kind and there's so much to do and see, but it's very laid back and relaxed, easy to get to.

16:40 I find food is delicious and um, and then this time I rented a house on the beach, like it's so close to Reba Mar so we can walk there, and so I'm very excited. And um, yeah and uh, I just last time I did a big group. This time I wanted to do smaller, intimate and really go deep and give people a lot of one-on-one time as well. So I love doing retreats. It's an accelerated coaching program, but it's also an accelerated reset. People can reset and really do all of this work that we talked about in a week's worth of time Right and then in a beautiful location, I have something I'm going to send you.

17:22 There's a South African lady who has a retreat center that pays just for what you do, about 45 minutes out of Lisbon, oh my goodness, please do send it to me, of course. Yeah, I'll make sure to send that. Forget about that. Oh my goodness, yeah, retreats are gold, aren't they? They certainly are. So I just have you know, just practicing that courage muscle, do you have any sort of steps that people can take? You know, let's get out of this comfort zone, let's build that confidence, just a little, that courage. How do you do that? A little at a time, very similar to what you said about the positive intelligence, starting with 10%. If there's something that is very much aligned to your why, like there's a really strong why.

18:05 So you know you want to do something, but maybe you're just a little nervous. We spend some time saying what's the worst thing that could happen, like literally what's the worst thing. And when you are able to apply some of these fears from a critical thinking perspective, like really get to the place where you're using the frontal lobe and not the emotional center of the brain, I think we start to diffuse some of the fears. And then I say just take one tiny, imperfect step today in that direction. And so if someone is fearful of posting on social media or recording their first video, what's the worst thing that could happen? Someone's not going to like it. Okay, they're not responsible for their feelings?

18:48 Yeah, exactly. So I think that when we're able to do that and just take the tiniest steps and then celebrate that and then add onto it, we start to build that courage muscle because we did it. And it's like anything in life. You think about little kids. They're so courageous, there really was no fear. I mean learning to ride a bike and learning to walk how many times do kids fall down? Learning to speak to, all of those things. So it's kind of going back to that approach and just saying I'm just going to keep trying and I'm going to learn along the way and it's not going to be perfect and doesn't need to be. And one of my favorite things that I always tell my clients is if you wait until it's perfect, you've waited too long.

19:31 And a reminder that somebody needs what you're doing. There's not taking that other look and going. It's not all about ourselves, no. There's somebody who needs you. Look and go, it's not all about ourselves. There's somebody who needs you, and if you remind yourself that, that there's a ripple effect of what you're putting out and that it impacts others, so beautiful share. So, anneta, I would love to know the best way for our listeners to find you, and then I'd love to just yeah, I'll have another question for you after that Of course, of course. So easiest way is my website, anetakuzmacom A-N-E-T-A-K-U-Z-M-A, and all my social links are there. I'm pretty active on LinkedIn and Instagram and YouTube, and I have my podcast, of course, but everything's available on the website.

20:16 Fantastic and then I know we're going to pop those links in, but we really experienced somatic breath work back in 2021. Immediately, I knew that I had to learn more about this for myself and also to facilitate it with clients, because it's so transformative, and so I host breath work sessions on Thursdays at lunchtime, and so I would love anyone who is on this call to join for free.

21:01 It's complimentary and for 30 minutes we really go through a transformative experience. We'll set an intention, we'll regulate your nervous system and you might really experience downloads, insights. It's really amazing just to see what's possible, and I offer those private. I offer them through groups and, of course, through virtual, so it doesn't even have to be online. You could just come on Zoom. You don't even have to have your camera on, and I think I wish everyone would experience it, because I just think that it is so life-changing. That's just as I'm listening to you describe. That it's like, yes, this just sounds absolutely beautiful. So, listeners, make sure that you take Annetta up on that offer and, as I said, I'm going to have all the links that you can connect with her and find out more about what she does.

21:51 So thank you again for a lovely conversation. Thank you, carol. I appreciate it and I would love for you to join me at Breathwork as well. I would love to try that, so thank you. You're welcome my listeners. Thank you for listening to the podcast today. If you found and I'm not even going to ask you if you found I know you found value today, so I'm going to ask you to share with whoever else comes to mind that you think this is the perfect episode for them to listen to. And you can connect with me on LinkedIn at Carol Cle.