The Spotlight You Keep Avoiding: The Courage to Be SEEN

Sabine Kvenberg: Before we get into the episode today, can you do me a small favor? Hit the follow and subscribe button. Give us a five-star rating and write a review. That will go a long way and that shows the algorithm that someone cares. And then share it with someone who could benefit from this message today and all the future and past episodes. that are available. Thank you so much. Now let's dive into the episode. There is a stage somewhere in your life right now with your name on it. Maybe it's an actual stage. Maybe it's a camera, a pitch, a room, a conversation you keep rehearsing but never walk into. And every time you get close, you step back into the wings and tell yourself, not yet. Today I want to talk about that stage and The quiet cost of staying in the wings. I remember how it can feel. I know how it can feel. And I remember the time when I played my first main character in Hamburg, Germany, Pippi Longstocking. That was a musical, and I was on stage almost the entire time. That was my first main role. And it was terrifying, getting out onto that stage for the first time. We call it stage fright. And it's true, there is that fright there. What if I mess up? What if I forget the lines? What if, what if? But here's the truth you cannot stop and turn around and go out the door. I mean, of course you can, but then that would be The end of your career. you just have to step onto that stage. And then everything will fall in place, and that stage fright, those butterflies, will eventually leave you and you stand in the full power. And this is true with everything in life. this is what the episode today is all about. And by the end of this episode, you'll have a four-part map for stepping into the light before you feel ready. Because ready is a feeling that shows up after you move, not before. And so it was for me. After I stepped onto that stage and spoke the first lines. Everything fell away, and I was in my element. And most importantly, what you've practiced, all the preparation you did, what I call on your invisible stage. In my case, it was the weeks of rehearsing and practicing and memorizing lines and doing it again and again. That all becomes automatic. And you don't think about that anymore. But of course, we have to prepare the right way as well. But most importantly, even if you have done that, and I know many of you, you know your stuff. You are an expert in something. You can talk about it. But there's just some fear of stepping onto that stage. And as I mentioned, it doesn't have to be a physical stage. It can be a networking event, it can be a Zoom call, whatever it is, that moment where you have to just say yes can be frightening. But trust me, the more you do it, the easier it becomes. So I want to give you that four part that will help you. Make it a little bit easier. you want to be seen because when you are being seen by potential clients, your audience, that will relate into new customers or new income, right? We have to step. into the light. So let's break down the word S.E.E.N. The S stands for see the spotlight. First we have to see the spotlight, meaning that opportunity, the stage. It could be a Zoom call, it could be a stage that you're invited to to speak on. It can be so many different things, even a one-on-one conversation. But one thing you have to do is, number one, you have to name the specific stage. Okay? Confidence in the abstract goes nowhere. Name the specific stage. I invite you to think about that for a moment. Think about a past event, the stage you spoke on. Was it a networking event? Was it a live? Was it a Zoom call? Was it a recording? Because sometimes we also have to get in front of the stage called camera and record something. And for many, I know. Because my clients told me so, they have not even started, or it took them forever to even record something. So I want you to take a moment and think about your particular stage. Name it. it can be a post as well. That could be the stage, right? It could be a recording, as I mentioned, or it could be a live on social media, Facebook Live, or even in a group. picture that stage and think about it. Name it. And then realize this is a stage where I will be seen. And this is the spotlight. Social media, Facebook, a networking event, a Zoom call, a summit. Name it. And then see yourself stepping into the spotlight of that stage. So it can be. Zoom box, right? That's your spotlight. That's where you're being seen. And to that point, you want to prepare accordingly. What am I wearing? For example, what you see here, I am wearing a plain dress. Just one color, not too busy. And that is a good idea if you don't want the outfit takeaway from you or what you have to say. So I'm always cautious about that. Unless it is for a specific reason. Hey, maybe you are an artist and you have. A very artistic style of being dressed, then by all means do it. But how you show up is important too. How do you look? And you don't have to be perfect. Make it you. If you are a trainer, well, you can be in workout clothes. Who you are is important. But that is part of being seen. So think about that for a second, right? And then just go for it. Don't think twice. Take a couple of deep breaths before you start hitting record or before you go live. Okay? And don't think about the things that can go wrong. Just do it. Picture yourself on that stage in that spotlight and go for it. Because You can st step into a spotlight you refuse to look at. Make sense? All right, next letter. E. Evidence over emotions. Fear tells a story. That's your track record that tells the truth. So think about that for a second. What is the emotion that comes up? Maybe it is some event that you had in the past. Sometimes it can go as far back as childhood that something happened there, Maybe People laughed at you. Especially kids can be very cruel, right? Not intentionally, it's just what kids do. But that created an imprint in you that tells the story to this day. Ooh, I'm not good enough. I messed up. Ooh, people judge me. you fill in the blank. So I invite you to start looking at that. What was that? Huh. So when you step onto the stage your next time, then the fear comes up. That's something from the past. I don't claim that any longer, right? And for you, this is sometimes a very important part to look at. So think about fear is an emotion. Now, when you feel those butterflies, right? Fear, the emotion of fear and the emotion of excitement are very close. And you want to have that emotion of excitement, those what I call the good butterflies in your belly. But when it takes over, when fear takes over, and that festers into a dry mouth, your throat are closing up. You you hyperventilate. That's when I talk about step back, take a couple of deep breaths, and even talk out loud. That's not my story anymore. If there's an old story that you're telling yourself, and you can rewrite that story. You are in control. We are in control of our every moment, even though. That subconscious mind that comes up, we don't have control over that. That's just there to protect us, right? There are so many deep things embedded in our subconscious mind that we are not even aware of, but they were placed there for protection. And without going into the deep psychological part of it, just know that at any time. We can override this with our conscious mind. Only when we are consciously aware of it, obviously, then we can override it. And that is also something I want to share with you from my acting times and the skills we learned as performers. As I mentioned, stage fright is a real thing. For the first time when you go on stage, what we call opening night, right? So that's the first time you play that character, the first time you step on stage in front of an audience. And it can be frightening. So what we learned to do is to override that subconscious mind that Says all these things, what if I miss up? what if, what if, what if, and my gosh, what if I forget the lines? And sometimes we stand in the wings, just about to go out. And I can tell you, my mind was blank. But I had to step out because it was my cue. But the lines came back. So let me give you that peace of mind. The lines come back. And even if there may not be the perfect line, but you know why you are stepping on the stage, what you are wanting to communicate, and then you sometimes have to riff it or improvise. But as long as you know your topic, you can do it. Trust me, you will survive, no one will. Beat you you are safe, right? Now, with that said, now overriding those nerves, and that is by deep breathing. So before you go on stage, whatever that stage looked like, it can be virtual, it can be a real stage, it can be a conversation. Take just a few moments to take a deep breath. When we are nervous, our Breathing is very shallow, that is a reaction. So we can override it with our conscious mind to take a deep breath in. And the breath out. And we do this a couple of times. And when you do this, your breathing will slow down. It's the truth, it's a fact. You can override that. Think of an occurrence, a situation, something that was in the past that was very hard. You already survived. Think about that for a moment. Then you can go back and say, huh, it wasn't too bad after all. I bet you most of the time it wasn't too bad. Most of the time you got through it and you survived it. So the next time or the upcoming spotlight would be the same. Your fear is loud, but. It's a terrible historian. And here is another thing. To take you back so you can get your own proof that something you've done in the past, you survived. So think about a situation or an incident or perhaps a talk you gave before. That was very hard, especially stepping onto that stage. And again, Can be any kind of stage, real stage, summit, virtual. And now think to that moment that you were done. Guess what? You survived. And if you are listening here at this point, it tells me that you survived, right? And you learned something from it. Maybe it wasn't perfect, but you learned something from it that you can apply to the next time. But here's the thing: your fear is so loud, but it's a terrible historian. We don't want to have that historian in our ear. We just want to think about how we move forward. Okay? So now this is exactly the Like weird. So as you can see, every hard thing you have done, you survive. And this is exactly the work I coach people through inside the confident speaker accelerator. But you don't need a program to take the first step. You need permission. So consider this your permission slip. The second E stands for. Embody before you believe. So embody what you can do, embody these emotions before you even believe it. So here is the actor's secret. You don't have to wait to feel ready, then walk on. No, no, no, no. You walk on and then you see that you were ready all along. Just the same way that I did one time that my mind went blank when I stood in the wings before I stepped into the spotlight. I just had to embody that person. I just had to embody the feeling of I can do it. I can do it no matter what, no matter what. And then you walk on. You make the entrance and the feeling catches up. You see? Think about one little thing you can do today or this week. I will give you this tiny entrance. It can be as little as a Doing a live on your social media, Facebook, Instagram, even if you're terrified doing it. When you prepare accordingly, and that preparation can look in many different ways. People want to memorize something, by all means, do it. But oftentimes it just takes a few bullet points that you want to talk about. And you can practice a couple times. And I would not do more than three bullet points. Maybe just start out with one, one point you want to talk about. Even if it is the fact that, hey, this is my first live, and I felt really terrified. But I listened to my coach, to a podcast, or whatever it is that you want to share. And They said, do it anyways. And so here I am. I'm not gonna do a long live. I just wanted to get this over with so I can say I've done my my life. Whatever it is, it at the end doesn't matter. Just start with a little tiny entrance, and you can build from there. See, courage isn't the thing you find before you step out, it's the thing. You are handed because you did. And I call that my competence, confidence loop. It literally is a loop. You have to start somewhere. And even if you don't have the confidence, but you do it anyway. That's the courage to get started. But when you hit done, You feel pretty good because you did it. even if it wasn't perfect. Don't beat yourself up. Do the opposite. Pat yourself on the shoulder saying, I did it. Yes. And that is the emotion you want that emotion of I did it. And when you do that, you set something up in your subconscious mind. The good emotions of I did it and I can do it again. You see, if you do the opposite, beat yourself up. I did it wrong. I didn't say the wrong thing. you fill in the blank, right? Guess what happened? You give your subconscious mind confirmation that you're not good enough, that, you suck, don't do it again. Ugh, fear the next time around. So Be very, very cautious about this, but be aware of it. So when you are done, let your conscious mind take over and praising you. You did it. Yes, you did it. And next time you're going to do it even better. You see the difference? Now you get those positive hormones released, the dopamines, right? And all those happy hormones that make you feel good. And now we can start that loop again. You do it a second time. Now you can draw already from the first time that you did it. And now you can say, I'm gonna do it a little bit better. Now I know. What to expect, and now I know how to prep myself. And then you do it again. And it was better. And you pat yourself on the shoulder again. Say, you see, it was good. It was better than the last time. And you even did this, whatever this was, right? That was so cool. Now we can do it again. And now you feel just a little bit more confident to do it a third time, a fourth time, a fifth time. That is my competence, confidence loop. Right? So be aware of your subconscious mind that is there to protect you, that brings up all the old stuff, the history we don't want to think about, and override it with your conscious mind and praise yourself. And that is how you become better every single time. The last letter in SEEN is the N. And that stands for now. Don't wait to get ready. Ready keeps people in the wings forever, never ever stepping into the spotlight. The entrance is a decision, not a mood, not to feel ready. So here is your now. If you've been Circling a stage you know has your name on it. Don't wait to feel ready. Let's map it together. I've opened a few clarity calls on my calendar this week. It's a 20 to 30 minute call, just you and me to name the spotlight you're avoiding and the very next move to step into it. The link is in the show notes. Book the time. And if you listen while you're driving, go to talk to Sabine.com and schedule a time. As soon as you park your car, as soon as you have access to the internet. Don't wait. Do it NOW The stage isn't going anywhere, but neither are you until you do. You've spent your whole life being told to wait your turn. But the light was never going to find you in the wings. Step out, and I'll be right there in the front row, cheering you on. Until the next time, go be seen.