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Hi everyone, and welcome to the music of Life.
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I'm your host. Karen Portnoy, before I get into this episode, please comment, ask questions, share some of your experiences, and don't forget to subscribe.
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Hi everyone. I'm sorry I'm not sounding so chipper today. I'm a little under the weather, but I did want to record this episode this week because I wanted to kind of hear your thoughts on the hookup culture of today, such as the dating apps like Tinder and Bumble and match and all those other apps, versus old school love. And I keep hearing on these divorce groups about, you know, these men who cheat and women who cheat and
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like, what are they looking for? It's not just about sex. It's obviously they're not getting things their needs met at home, or even if they're just dating, they're not really dating exclusively. So I'm just curious where you guys stand on this, because I personally, I can't stand this hookup culture. I understand how we got here. I know that porn has a lot to do with it, and the dating apps have a lot to do with it, and the fact that so many people have not done their inner healing work, so unhealed people are seeking unhealed people. Because, as I keep saying, The Law of Attraction states that we attract what we are. So if we haven't done the work and we haven't healed our traumas and lessons and issues and inner child and, you know, negative thought patterns and belief systems and lack mentality and scarcity, and, I mean, the list is endless, but if we haven't healed these things, we're just going to keep the cycle going. So how it looks when you do your inner healing work is that you attract someone who is also healed, and then, and only then do you really have the real opportunity to make something beautiful together.
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But that can't happen as long as men are blaming women. Women are blaming men, and nobody is taking a stance to grow and evolve and change and become the best versions of themselves. So I'm just curious, because I'm turning 57 this year, and I'm divorced, and I've done extensive amounts of intense spiritual healing, and I'm at that high vibrational state where I'm Looking to attract the same in a partner.
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So you know, look, after all the work I've done, I feel like I am deserving of I am ready for and I look forward to the kind of love that I've I've always dreamed about, and there's no reason why I can't have that at this point, as long as it's with the right person.
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So I just wish for everyone to kind of go within and take stock of where your wounds are, maybe where they came from. I don't always believe that the why is so important, because you can just keep asking, why? Questions you know, forever and never get resolution. So I don't think asking yourself, why did this happen, or why did it hurt so bad, or any of those things, it's like it's irrelevant and not productive. What's more important to ask is what it's what happened? What was I feeling? You know, any of those types of questions? Because what is something that has an answer?
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It's much harder to answer. Why questions, because they're endless. So if you even sit with yourself for a little while and just go within and sit with your thoughts and see what comes up.
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You can ask those questions.
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What happened? What was I doing?
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What was that person doing? What was I thinking? What was I feeling? What were they thinking? What were they feeling? Things like that. And I'm not asking that every person go within and do their their very painful inner healing work, because it is painful, but it's also incredibly rewarding on the other side, when you eventually look back at your own life and realize how much you've grown, how much you've evolved. How much you've matured, how much you have to offer to yourself and to another partner. It's so amazing. But yeah, yeah, some pain and some discomfort to endure along the way, and that comes with it. But you know, anything that's that's worthwhile is worth fighting for, and why not yourself? Why not fight for yourself? It's all about how much you value yourself and how much you want better and want more and want the best you can be for yourself, because only then do you have it to give to someone else. And I feel like this hookup culture mentality is just perpetuating the low vibrational, most of the time, toxic behaviors that keep us from flourishing in a relationship, keeping us from expressing real love. You know, it's it's not set to elevate us, it's set to crush us.
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You know, when we look back at our parents generation, and this could be, you know, my generation, it could be someone younger, or, you know, whatever we see that the older generations, you know, they stayed together. They made it work. You know, they they were married for 4050, 6070, years. My grandparents were married for almost 80 years.
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Believe it or not, they each died when they were 101 but and they dated for 13 years before they even got married. I mean, it's insane, but you know, time is an illusion, and people think that they're running out of time, so they just grab the first person that they find. But I feel like, you know, if time is an illusion, then there's no rush. There's no rush to wait for the right person. And don't you deserve to have the person that is going to be the best for themselves so they can be the best for you.
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It just and look, I was guilty of it for all my life. I grabbed the first person that I that paid attention to me. I don't know where it it happened, where we thought that we didn't deserve better. Or, you know, who did we think we are thinking that we were going to find Prince Charming, or Cinderella take the gender as it resonates.
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But I have a whole new perspective on it now, now that I've done my healing work, and I just think that we all deserve more and better. You know, we're in these toxic relationships because we didn't know better.
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And the only way that I could describe my own situation is that the unhealed version of me somehow aligned with the unhealed version of my ex, and that's how toxic relationships are formed. And the worst part is unraveling that relationship and getting out of it and separating yourself from it, and it's the hardest thing ever. I there are few things I would describe as painful as that, besides physical violence, I know for myself. And I'm not saying this to pat myself on my back, and, you know, talk about how great I am or whatever, but I just feel that attracting the right partner and building something together and all of those things that come with that. I mean, think about it, if you're one couple spreading love and losing all of that delicious energy together, like imagine what the world would look like if there were more people like that. And humanity, more than ever, needs that this planet is in crisis. And I I really believe, you know, I as cliche as this is going to sound, Love is the answer. But love is not something you find outside of yourself. It's something you find within yourself first, and once you learn how to love yourself fully and completely, you don't have to look outside yourself to have someone complete you, because you'll be complete by yourself, and hopefully the person that you attract as a result has done the same thing in their life. So when you have two whole and complete people that come together, it's like fireworks, but not like, not like the toxic kind, I mean the kind where you know you come together and you explode with love and beauty and energy. And you know the kind of people I'm talking about, you see them out in the world, and you probably, you know, get grossed out, or, you know, you get sick of watching people like that, because you know who believes in that. That in there, they're in la la land, or whatever you want to whatever you want to call it, but if you really sat back and looked at it, everybody is envious of that kind of love. We see it in the movies, and we think it can't happen. We think we'll never be able to achieve that. So but why not? Why not? Why Can't We? Who says that we can't? A lot of the times, it's our parents, it's the family unit that we grew up in. It's the people that pass down those wounds and those cycles of pain that were never resolved and never discussed and never communicated, and so they got passed down from generation to generation. I, for one, have put an end to that now in my own lineage, and it stops with me, so my daughter will never experience that kind of pain.
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She may have other pain, but she won't experience the the trauma and the pain that was passed down from my ancestors. So where do you stand on this topic? I'd love to hear from you. I'm going to wrap it up now, and I will see you next week. Take care.
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Please join me every Thursday for a new episode. You can reach me on my website, which is podph.com/the, music of life.
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You can leave me a voicemail, a text message. You can leave your contact information if you want to be anonymous, no problem. I promise to honor that. And you can also find all of my social media platforms there as well, which is Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook and LinkedIn. Thanks again. I'll see you next week.
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You you.
