Sing in the Fire! How to Keep Your Joy When Tragedy Strikes w/ Lara Silverman, Author / Performer

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Imagine you are starting out your dream career.

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Everything is going exactly as you had hoped.

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And in less than 24 hours, it all comes crashing down in the most devastating way possible.

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Could you maintain your joy?

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Now fast forward to finding the love of your life.

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And yet again, you lose the thing that you found so much hope in.

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Could you stay true to your faith when suffering keeps finding you?

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My guest today, has faced what most Christians would consider a Job-like experience.

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And yet she's singing and dancing in the midst of the valley.

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How?

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What can her experience teach us about joy, faith, and trusting God when sickness, death, and loss show up at our doorstep?

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You'll find out in this episode of the God and Gigs Show, and you'll need to hear every moment of this awe-inspiring, incredible story from a remarkable woman.

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My name is Alan C.

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Paul, host and founder of God in Gigs, and my guest today is Lara Silverman, bestselling author of Singing Through Fire, finding surprising joy in life's darkest trials.

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I'd love to welcome Lara Silverman to the God and Gigs Show.

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How are you?

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Thank you so much for having me on, Allen This is just a really big honor for me.

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So thanks so much.

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No, the honor is all ours.

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And as I try so much in these interviews and these bios and these introductions to try to get the full picture of someone, I don't think we can do it.

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Even if we were on for six hours, I don't think we could tell this entire story, which is why you have a book little plug there already.

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But let's first start with just someone who's meeting you for the first time.

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Let's say it's a cocktail party.

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Let's say it's at a dinner, wherever that they're just going to the grocery store and they run into Lara Silverman.

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And I like to get people to know you without your titles right off the bat.

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So if someone meets you for the first time, what are those first two or three things that you want them to know about you, the person, and then we'll get to unwrap all the other things.

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Sure.

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Well, first off, a cocktail party is sounding kind of nice right now.

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I'm just joking.

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So, my name is Lara.

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I'm trained as a lawyer.

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I went to law school, but since I was a kid, I loved performing.

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So, I was in a ton of musicals.

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That's kind of the heart of who I am.

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I love musicals.

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I love acting.

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I love comedy.

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I love sarcasm.

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I love theater and just...

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And I also love public speaking, thus I'm on a podcast.

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So that's me in a nutshell and I'm very extroverted and that's sort of the bottom line.

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I love it and I, yes, I did not miss the whole point about the cocktail party.

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We'll get into why that's so ironic and why that might've been a bad opening.

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But the reason why I wanted people to hear it in that context is just because so much of your story has to do with the intersection of how God has led you through some difficult things and yet the joy that you get from creativity.

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So I think that's kind of where I'm already landing because I already feel like so much fun in this interview and yet at the same time, your story, has so many parts where it was not fun, where you're still walking through some stuff, tough stuff.

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So I guess I have to start with the beginning, of course, I always have to start with the beginning, in terms of how you even found your way into creative life, right?

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Because it was not just creativity, you had a very business-like uh start, I guess, into your career.

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So first tell me, how did you even get into creativity from also having, as you mentioned, a lawyer background?

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Fantastic question.

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mean, basically I had always wanted to be a lawyer since I was a kid.

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I don't know why, maybe I yapping.

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I mean, law school just seemed like the right choice for me.

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I like advocacy and I wanted to be in criminal justice.

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So that felt like the career path.

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But what gave me the most joy since I've been a kid, like I said, has always been the creative, right?

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Like I did musicals all through college, even in law school, I was in the law school musical.

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I mean, I love like...

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British comedy, British operettas, Gilbert and Sullivan, you that sort of thing.

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And so, I don't feel like I've actually entered the creative space at any certain moment.

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I think I was just frankly raised because my mom put me in musical camps when I was seven.

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And from there it went on, but it was always a hobby, community theater.

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I mean, I did like one professional theater production as a teen, but you know, it doesn't count.

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So it's always been a hobby that the Lord has given me to express myself.

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I think he wired me very much to love that, I love this and this is helpful for all of the people who have been other doing other careers and had that same background Right who started film who started dance who started music and felt like well, I can't choose one or the other they had to choose one of the other right and You're letting them know that no it was always part of you and yet even as you did have high levels of achievement in your other career That never left right the creative never left you.

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So now I do want to ask about Again, how this kind of turned and how this creative life of yours is helping you see some of the tough stuff.

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So you do have a book out and your book is called singing through the fire, right?

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Is that correct?

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Seeing through fire.

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got a treble clef on it, so in case it wasn't obvious.

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The musician, the musicians all caught that.

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So obviously we have to talk about the fire because the singing part is the creative and I want to make sure it can.

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I hope that they will read the book.

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again, I know we can't get into all of it, but can you give them the, guess again, you must be much, much, much more anointed and blessed with grace to even tell the story, much less live it.

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So at least tell us in terms of.

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when someone is looking at you and saying, where was that moment that you realized something was going wrong?

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You have this career, you have this artistic vent, but yet at some point when I was reading about you, it seemed like overnight things started to shift.

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So can you kind of set the stage for us if someone's picking up the book for the first time of how things started to shift where you had to lean on God's grace so much?

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Absolutely.

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I had, after Stanford Law School, I had worked as a lawyer for five years and I had even, you know, cameoed in this, you know, Agatha Christie play in downtown San Francisco during my time at the law firm.

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I mean, the Lord somehow miraculously, cause I was single, you know, I gave me time to just do this stuff.

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And yet I had just gotten my dream job after that experience.

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I always wanted to be a federal prosecutor.

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I get the job.

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And on the second week of the job, you the Lord had opened the door.

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It was very competitive to get.

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And on the second week, I fell mysteriously ill with this very rare neurological illness.

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And you can't tell right now, but basically the whole world is spinning around me as I'm seated up.

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And to clarify for the audience, my illness stems from the connection between my ear and my brain.

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There's an organ called the vestibular system in all our ears, which tells you where your brain is in space or where your body is in space.

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But for me, for whatever reason, my ears give faulty signals to my brain such that I just don't know where I am.

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So that leads to quonic vertigo nonstop, whether I'm laying down on that bed or sitting up.

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And long story short is, at that point, I had to resign from the job without ever having been on the job.

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And it was very demoralizing for me because I had trained to be a trial lawyer.

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I thought this was my calling.

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I was so excited.

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And yet, It was the worst timing I had been healthy as a horse my whole life.

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And yet the Holy Spirit walked me through that.

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I mean, when I had to resign, I opened my devotional app a couple days before and it was, you know, the message was something like, is God seeming to open a door only to close it, you know, trust him amidst this confusion?

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And I was just in tears.

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And so I want to testify today that God was with me, you know, even though the path was strange.

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And the long and short of it is after I resigned from there, After having tried so many treatments that first 10 months, things only went from bad to worse.

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You know, I don't know if I should get into it or...

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No, I, the fact that you even opened the door to, you had to open the devotional at that moment, right?

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That God was still in the midst of the moment of confusion when you started to get this diagnosis.

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And I think it is safe to say to the, to the listeners that.

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I mean, when things got worse, things got the worst.

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Like I cannot, again, I'm being very, very honest and trying to be respectful.

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Cause I saw in one of your, your, uh, your lives or one of your recordings.

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The word you kept saying is you can't imagine.

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You can't imagine how it felt when, you know, this situation with your husband, you can't imagine when the end.

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The thing I want to respond to you and I'm saying to you directly is no, we can't.

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We could not imagine.

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I think it was so gracious of you to him to say to an audience.

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You can't imagine and the things you might need to describe.

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don't know if you want to go again, synopsis or just tell them or directly, but There are some things that we can't imagine that we have to hear it from you because it's impossible for us to imagine three years or six years or however many years it has been that you've been dealing with this.

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Thank you so much, Allen.

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I kind of got emotional there because you made me realize like it's okay to realize that maybe others might not understand.

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Like, I don't know, I just feel like I have to sort of pretend so that people don't feel awkward or something.

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So I really appreciate you saying that, but to give your audience a broad overview without wasting too much time, the long and short of it is after I resigned from the job eight years ago.

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I was strictly bedridden on that bed behind me for three straight years on a bedpan with my mother nursing me.

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So in other words, the situation was completely debilitating.

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I couldn't lift my head off of a pillow one inch without the world spinning harder.

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I was hospitalized twice, lost 36 pounds.

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I mean, the whole Armenian community and church was praying for me.

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I mean, you can imagine, or you can or you can't imagine.

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when you say those words three years Being from from has healthy and again Like you said an amazing thing that God is giving you the ability to do this now Even while you know, you're dealing with it.

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And again, my brain does not process What that goes through but I think I understand what you're saying now, which is if I can imagine my worst moment and everything taken away from me, that's the only thing I can say.

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Like wherever my worst is, that's where you...

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Absolutely.

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And you know, it was a wrestling match with God.

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I mean, it has been eight years of spiritual highs and very spiritual lows.

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And in fact, my memoir is extremely authentic because I mean, like, what's the point in lying?

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You know, it's like I'm, you know, I like to just tell it like it is, you know, ironically, I'm an actor.

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So I love the mischievous and the sort of getting into another facade.

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But when it comes to helping people in Christ, I wanted to tell people how hard it has been, frankly, to surrender to God's will, like When you are suffering, like you just, there are so many questions as I'm sure many of your listeners can relate to.

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It's like, why Lord, what is the point of this?

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What does Romans 8 28 actually mean in practice when you're in a pit and when Stanford can't answer your questions and the doors are closing, we're all praying.

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And Allen, there came a point where the Lord just called me to acceptance.

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And this was after trying 150 therapies.

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And you can imagine as a type A go-getter how demoralizing that was to hear that from the Holy Spirit.

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And obviously I prayed about it, discernment, this, that, but it felt unmistakable.

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And here I am eight years in without a diagnosis and I'm still bedridden 60 to 65 % of the day still.

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These days I can actually sit up, but the world is still spinning around me.

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But at least my blood pressure doesn't drop.

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So praise God, that was like the one miracle in terms of, okay, at least I'm sort of functional now.

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but the pain is nonstop.

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after this broadcast, I'm just gonna slam back down, but that's my story, but there is a plot twist.

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I don't know if I should get into it.

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I was.

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This is the part where I love again.

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I love how you say plot twist and all these things are in God's story, right?

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I've been I've been doing a lot of reading recently about some of the prophets like Ezekiel and Daniel and so much of this is such theatrical and God kind of telling these prophets to do something pretty crazy to make a point.

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So I love I love this again.

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I love how your energy and the fact that the word is so real in you.

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And so before you get into some of that, I do want to ask.

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Because you just talked about it.

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You only have uh a moment of time during each day that you can kind of feel like you're functional in a certain way, right?

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Yet you are using that time right now to create a podcast.

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Other times you're using it to create creative things.

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So please tell us, those of us who say we don't have enough time in a day to do creative things, please tell us how your creative...

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juices continue to drive you even when you only have this limited time to share.

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You know, Allen, it's funny because I don't think you can take the creative out of a creative person.

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Like, in other words, when I was bedridden, like I was belting show tunes out.

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I mean, it was almost like therapeutic.

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imagine me on a bed with my eyes closed and my mom's nursing me, but at different moments, singing songs, singing to my dad, this, that, like, it was therapeutic in a way that I just, the performer in me was still on that bed.

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Like, you just can't take that out of us.

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You know it, you know, you're creative.

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And so God really used my creative side.

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I was even brainstorming like, should I write a play when I'm off this bed?

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If I ever get off this bed, you know, I mean, God just uses our talents and interests to just keep us going and sustain us.

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These days, after my husband died, you know, I'll just give the spoiler.

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The Lord called me to have joy and grief again, you know, even amidst all.

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mean, that's one of the main themes in my memoir, which is very hard to digest, is that the Lord calls us to rejoice in our sufferings.

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which is so counterintuitive, but the Bible, the New Testament is, I mean, look at Paul and Silas.

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I mean, they're literally singing in prison.

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And that's what I felt like I've been doing the last eight years.

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And so after my husband died a year ago, I just felt like, all right, let's get back on this performing train.

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Maybe I can have joy, even though I'm crying at night.

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During the day, I would sit up and I had this idea, let me do some Armenian comedy, because I love cultural comedy.

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I'm kind of a comedian, you know?

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I mean, I had never been a comedian, but...

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I started slapping these skits on Instagram just 90 seconds doing Armenian jokes and a bunch of Armenians started following me and you know, whatever like it just it gave me joy and it showed it was a testimony to even non-Christians that hey this girl can have joy in her grief.

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Where is that coming from?

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I mean, it's almost this great testimony to non-believers and to believers, you know and to myself because man have I gone through great bitterness Allen like I don't want to lie like the Lord has taken me through.

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great wrestling of like, why have you taken away so many good things?

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My health and my career, then my husband, you know, I didn't mention how my husband and I met, but some seasons of this, I have felt like Job and yet the thread has been, God has used performing, you know, first it was singing on the bed, you know, then it was composing a little mini album, you know, as a baby, whatever, you know, I had never done it while I was still on a bed while my husband was about to enter hospice, I composed a couple songs.

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And you know, it was joyful for myself, you know, sit up, play some piano.

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I mean, and today he's helping me, you know, do Armenian comedy on Instagram, which is very creative.

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So you can see how God has pulled that thread to give me joy.

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Gosh, okay.

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So this again, I knew I couldn't fit it all in the one So I love the fact that we are threading it together kind of like weaving it I can see almost like the snippets of a movie where it gives you like the flashbacks So we gave people kind of like a flash of wait What is she talking about with her husband?

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And so now we have to flash back to what that story is about, right?

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so again, this is where I can say the words I can't imagine but can you paint the picture for us in terms of meeting your husband in the midst of what you're going through and just that chapter of your story, which again, just shows an incredible, incredible strength and understanding of God's mercy in the midst of tragedy.

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So if you set that up for us, it help us.

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And then of course we'll read the book and figure out all the things that you can't share right now.

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Absolutely.

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It's a great question.

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So basically three years into that bed, I was demoralized and just bitter against the Lord.

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I I felt the Lord with me.

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The Holy Spirit has never left me.

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You have to read my memoir because it's very much a testimony.

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I'm a lawyer, so I kept receipts.

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I would have my mom write down in a journal whenever the Lord encouraged me on that bed.

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But basically three years in when I felt like the Lord was calling me to acceptance, the Lord brought a man into my life.

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So it was a very big...

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plot twist.

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He was an acquaintance from church from years back.

00:17:00.995 --> 00:17:02.135
He was 38 years old.

00:17:02.135 --> 00:17:03.956
I was 35 at the time.

00:17:03.956 --> 00:17:07.169
And this guy calls my mom and says, look, your daughter's been isolated in there.

00:17:07.169 --> 00:17:08.250
She's probably going crazy.

00:17:08.250 --> 00:17:09.691
The whole church has been praying for her.

00:17:09.691 --> 00:17:12.742
Let me come visit her and give her a theology of suffering.

00:17:12.742 --> 00:17:19.337
And he was our lay youth pastor, a biochemical engineering PhD, a missionary to Haiti and a cancer researcher.

00:17:19.337 --> 00:17:24.311
So this guy was brilliant and like so into theology the way I love theology.

00:17:24.311 --> 00:17:26.497
So he waltzes in Allen.

00:17:26.497 --> 00:17:33.819
I'm on that bed in pajamas looking absolutely hideous without makeup and this guy sits next to me with a chemo pump on.

00:17:33.819 --> 00:17:35.520
So there's a second plot twist.

00:17:35.520 --> 00:17:40.022
He had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer when he visited me.

00:17:40.022 --> 00:17:48.467
And this guy sitting next to me giving me downloading into my brain a theology of suffering, which is not the prosperity gospel, a correct theology of suffering.

00:17:48.467 --> 00:17:49.967
And I'm like, A, who are you?

00:17:49.967 --> 00:17:54.348
B, you're kind of attractive and C, why are you dying of cancer and not bitter at God?

00:17:55.290 --> 00:17:58.083
long and short of it is your audience is going to laugh.

00:17:58.083 --> 00:17:59.633
But, I'm super passionate.

00:17:59.633 --> 00:18:12.069
I think a lot of creatives are like, I'm a romantic and I had been praying for a spouse for so long, And so after three years of being bedridden, just, after eight visits, maybe we realized that we were just falling in love, man.

00:18:12.069 --> 00:18:14.131
I mean, you can't write this story.

00:18:14.131 --> 00:18:16.573
was like God, was only God.

00:18:16.573 --> 00:18:18.315
was like, There is no other way.

00:18:18.315 --> 00:18:22.778
And we felt the Lord, we prayed about it a lot, because you have to say like, okay, the heart is deceitful.

00:18:22.778 --> 00:18:23.368
What are you doing?

00:18:23.368 --> 00:18:24.079
Is this wise?

00:18:24.079 --> 00:18:24.869
Matt might die.

00:18:24.869 --> 00:18:26.402
Like, are you guys crazy?

00:18:26.402 --> 00:18:27.221
I'm bedridden.

00:18:27.221 --> 00:18:33.507
And so I'm telling you, the Lord really comforted us and said, take this joy in your mutual grief.

00:18:33.627 --> 00:18:36.470
And you were like, all right, we're getting married.

00:18:36.470 --> 00:18:42.125
Like it was just, and when I walked down that aisle, I was spinning and yet the Lord sustained me.

00:18:42.125 --> 00:18:45.101
Like I sang to get to the theme of your show.

00:18:45.101 --> 00:18:48.162
I sang Sway, a jazz song at our wedding.

00:18:48.301 --> 00:18:51.104
Matt and I sang a duet of Miracle of Miracles.

00:18:51.104 --> 00:18:53.384
I mean, Matt had been hospitalized and saved.

00:18:53.384 --> 00:18:55.214
Like he was supposed to die while we were dating.

00:18:55.214 --> 00:18:56.395
Then the Lord saved him.

00:18:56.395 --> 00:18:58.656
mean, thousands of Armenians were praying for him.

00:18:58.656 --> 00:19:04.209
I mean, our journey was very much Daniel in the lion's den, except Fiddler on the roof saved the day, you know, at our wedding.

00:19:04.209 --> 00:19:06.430
And we sang Miracle of Miracles.

00:19:06.490 --> 00:19:10.731
And long and short of it is he entered glory a year and three months after our wedding.

00:19:10.731 --> 00:19:13.452
So you can imagine.

00:19:14.189 --> 00:19:33.501
All the emotions, but I'd love to tell you also a bit about the creativity we exhibited during our marriage Okay, I wanted to make sure you didn't have any questions I mean basically Allen after we got married we felt the lord calling us like the theme You know, he kind of presses stuff on our hearts.

00:19:33.501 --> 00:19:37.868
I mean, you know the holy spirit like it was My child, my children, can you have joy in your grief?

00:19:37.868 --> 00:19:39.378
Can you be like Paul and Silas?

00:19:39.378 --> 00:19:41.161
Can you sing in your prison?

00:19:41.161 --> 00:19:43.163
Because I'm, I was basically bad ridden.

00:19:43.163 --> 00:19:43.772
I still am.

00:19:43.772 --> 00:19:45.394
Matt was, you know, dying of cancer.

00:19:45.394 --> 00:19:45.634
Okay.

00:19:45.634 --> 00:19:46.785
We were praying for miracles.

00:19:46.785 --> 00:19:57.484
We weren't sure what the Lord's will was, but basically we started a YouTube channel called the Silverman show and basically I uploaded jazz solos.

00:19:57.484 --> 00:19:59.776
Matt uploaded his sermons preaching.

00:19:59.776 --> 00:20:02.306
It was like the Holy Spirit and all that jazz channel.

00:20:02.306 --> 00:20:08.978
Like people were probably confused like is this Matt preaching God is good even in suffering or is this Lara belting out in flapper dresses?

00:20:08.978 --> 00:20:11.449
Like I would sit up, sing a song.

00:20:11.449 --> 00:20:30.921
It would be very painful because it's again when I sit up it's very painful but and then I'd slap back down and Matt taught me some videography that I was able to learn and so here we were we had a ministry of sorts on YouTube like you know whatever a couple subscribers but who cares but it's like God gave us this joy and then the Lord even had me learn violin.

00:20:30.921 --> 00:20:32.321
It felt like a Lord thing.

00:20:32.321 --> 00:20:34.603
Like I can't even move my neck that much.

00:20:34.603 --> 00:20:35.683
You got to read my book.

00:20:35.683 --> 00:20:42.858
It's like there was one day where I just felt like I had taken lessons as a child just for five months and I had never picked it up again.

00:20:42.858 --> 00:20:48.702
And one day I was watching this girl on YouTube and I got kind of jealous and I was like, man, I'm so useless.

00:20:48.702 --> 00:20:49.943
I'm an invalid on a bed.

00:20:49.943 --> 00:20:51.134
Like, I don't know what I'm doing.

00:20:51.134 --> 00:20:53.406
Let me pick up violin and at least learn an instrument.

00:20:53.406 --> 00:20:59.212
And now I slapped up like 50 amateur violin covers on YouTube, but you look at the creativity.

00:20:59.212 --> 00:21:00.648
God sustained me.

00:21:00.648 --> 00:21:08.890
I mean, through Matt's hospice, I was a newbie violinist playing to him in the hospital and the nurses were like, wow, there's something different in this room.

00:21:08.890 --> 00:21:09.900
Like, I don't know.

00:21:09.900 --> 00:21:14.284
What I'm trying to say is look how the Holy Spirit has used my gift for performing.

00:21:14.284 --> 00:21:15.964
And actually there was one other thing.

00:21:15.964 --> 00:21:20.228
We even did three jazz performances at church because Matt loved playing flute.

00:21:20.228 --> 00:21:21.913
He was a brilliant flautist.

00:21:21.913 --> 00:21:26.404
And I sing jazz, we sing a jazzy version of, what was it?

00:21:26.404 --> 00:21:28.215
God rest ye merry gentlemen.

00:21:28.215 --> 00:21:29.316
And it was so fun.

00:21:29.316 --> 00:21:33.917
And he got his youth group kids involved who are very talented, you know, trombone player pianist.

00:21:33.917 --> 00:21:39.220
So I've talked too much, but you can see how the Lord gave us so much performing.

00:21:39.220 --> 00:21:42.780
That's why when I saw your channel, I was like, I've got to talk to this guy.

00:21:43.537 --> 00:21:54.621
Look, that is an honor for me to give you a space to share this because this is where I want to make sure that everyone is listening and watching really gets this part.

00:21:55.061 --> 00:21:57.333
And it could come across almost very preachy.

00:21:57.333 --> 00:21:58.532
You mentioned theology of suffering.

00:21:58.532 --> 00:22:04.756
It could become a very preachy in terms of if she can do it, if he could have done it, so can you kind of thing.

00:22:04.756 --> 00:22:44.798
So I'm trying to avoid that tone while they still get the encouragement and inspiration of the message, which is like you just said, Creativity sustained you and it was from God and here's the thing I want to kind of go here and I hope you seem like your Bible nerd too So I think you'll be okay with this There are many creators that tend to worship the actual gift as if that's what's healing them as If the song is if the singing if God gives me the song and I sing it here the song is what and I feel like you are the best person to answer the question What exactly is the creativity doing in the midst of the grief and the suffering?

00:22:44.798 --> 00:22:47.538
Is it that God is using it?

00:22:47.538 --> 00:22:50.779
Is it the actual creative art that does the healing?

00:22:50.779 --> 00:22:56.580
Because I feel like a lot of people rely on the gift and they think that's what does all the work.

00:22:56.580 --> 00:22:59.982
And I'm kind of like, no, at some point the song is not enough.

00:22:59.982 --> 00:23:06.105
At some point you have to, so I hope this is not too deep, but I really want to ask you this kind of question.

00:23:06.560 --> 00:23:09.973
that's such a brilliant insight because I hadn't really thought about that.

00:23:09.973 --> 00:23:15.729
think, but at a gut level, like I will tell you, and I'm not saying I've suffered more than your audience members or something.

00:23:15.729 --> 00:23:17.089
I'm not coming on like a high horse.

00:23:17.089 --> 00:23:23.615
I'm saying when you're on a bedpan or like when you are in the lowest pit of the pit, right?

00:23:23.615 --> 00:23:25.767
Like your husband's in hospice, you're bedridden.

00:23:25.767 --> 00:23:28.138
You're like, Lord, are you good or this or that?

00:23:28.641 --> 00:23:32.982
You can't turn to a violent, like, yes, these things give you joy, right?

00:23:32.982 --> 00:23:35.464
Like they give you moments of sprinkles of joy.

00:23:35.464 --> 00:23:41.097
like to call them like, but composing the song or whatever is a momentary thing that passes.

00:23:41.097 --> 00:23:50.423
Like I have found even like kissing Matt, you know, like there's a point, I mean, not to get, but it's like, there's a point where we think these gifts are going to last and yet they're so fleeting.

00:23:50.567 --> 00:23:52.107
Yes, I love this.

00:23:52.107 --> 00:23:53.406
This is what I was hoping to hear.

00:23:53.406 --> 00:23:55.219
I need to get I needed to get the clarity on this.

00:23:55.219 --> 00:23:59.250
This is exactly what I'm talking about because no, absolutely.

00:23:59.250 --> 00:24:03.122
I was going to say quickly because I'm not going to see both of us are like bouncing off each other.

00:24:03.122 --> 00:24:10.625
I love the idea that the fleeting moment, like the moment the song is done, the moment the last note plays, I'm thinking as a pianist, right?

00:24:10.625 --> 00:24:13.205
I hold on to the last note as long as I can.

00:24:13.205 --> 00:24:13.435
Right.

00:24:13.435 --> 00:24:14.406
You let it die away.

00:24:14.406 --> 00:24:16.067
But this note will die away.

00:24:16.067 --> 00:24:16.487
Yes.

00:24:16.487 --> 00:24:18.127
That little look that that lift.

00:24:18.127 --> 00:24:18.627
Right.

00:24:18.627 --> 00:24:20.297
Every conductor knows it.

00:24:20.297 --> 00:24:28.931
and you let the song and the songs, but that moment is gone for a reason because there's no time for a response without the silence.

00:24:28.931 --> 00:24:34.192
There's no time for God to speak until there's the silence after the song.

00:24:34.192 --> 00:24:46.097
And so I love what your sharing seems to be is, yes, it was a momentary joy that God gave you, but you weren't, again, this was not kind of like the Pollyanna, if you just have a song in your heart, everything's okay.

00:24:46.097 --> 00:24:50.613
I think that's what we're kind of dismissing, not dismissing, but we're making people have balance.

00:24:50.626 --> 00:25:22.724
Yeah, and no, the only time I mean it really is true that our souls were made for god like I And I am telling you this as someone who used to worship like the earthly blessings I'm telling you you were talking to me eight years in I was a prideful lawyer who wanted to be a supreme court justice and thought I was so talented in this and that and yet the lord fleeced me of all my earthly blessings and look at me now i'm actually I'm in a solid theology of like why god allows suffering it but I also am focused on eternal blessings and so I realize now that all our earthly cravings, there's a C.S.

00:25:22.724 --> 00:25:25.384
Lewis quote that you will like because it ties directly in.

00:25:25.384 --> 00:25:27.384
You know which one, you want to say it?

00:25:27.565 --> 00:25:30.525
It says, our great cra- what is it?

00:25:30.525 --> 00:25:32.845
All our havings are wantings.

00:25:32.845 --> 00:25:35.450
And it's not, think you, do you, does that make sense?

00:25:35.450 --> 00:25:36.450
that's not the one I've heard.

00:25:36.450 --> 00:25:40.190
I'm so glad you get them because I was not the one I was thinking of the one I was thinking of.

00:25:40.190 --> 00:25:40.930
Let's compare C.S.

00:25:40.930 --> 00:25:44.769
Lewis notes because we're going to be again, we're to have to keep this short because I can see that where this is going.

00:25:45.630 --> 00:25:48.170
The the one that I remember and I think it's C.S.

00:25:48.170 --> 00:25:51.009
Lewis is I think it's from mere Christianity.

00:25:51.009 --> 00:26:00.025
And it's just the idea that if there was something that my that nothing on this earth can satisfy that I'm that I'm yeah, that it must be made for another world.

00:26:00.025 --> 00:26:07.949
Made for another world and that's the thing like us as creatives like yes, like I tend to get close to worship the violin It's so beautiful.

00:26:07.949 --> 00:26:27.344
Let me worship my talent for music Let me worship this beautiful piece on youtube and yet every time I kind of go there I kind of realize like no, it's not fulfilling in that sense Like yes, it gives me beauty but when i'm not praying and i'm not in line with the lord That shows you that that's the ultimate healing.

00:26:27.344 --> 00:26:28.903
That's what gives you the joy.

00:26:28.903 --> 00:26:29.894
It's not the music.

00:26:29.894 --> 00:26:34.227
God uses it as an instrument to give you joy, but God is the ultimate joy.

00:26:34.227 --> 00:26:35.647
He's the living water.

00:26:35.647 --> 00:26:41.050
And it took me a while to realize that, you know, because as you can imagine, like I did push God away a bit.

00:26:41.050 --> 00:26:42.221
You know, you have to read my memoir.

00:26:42.221 --> 00:26:44.603
I was brutally honest because I was so mad at him.

00:26:44.603 --> 00:26:47.273
I mean, just being anyway, you got to read it.

00:26:47.273 --> 00:26:54.151
And I mean, I tried to do it in a God glorifying way, but I want it to be honest because I think we all go through these emotions like Why are you taking this away?

00:26:54.151 --> 00:27:03.788
I mean look at Job like he I mean he was the most righteous man on the planet and yet even he wanted to you know Die basically because he was like, why are you doing this god?

00:27:03.788 --> 00:27:07.010
So anyway, yeah I know this is so good.

00:27:07.010 --> 00:27:14.193
again, I love the fact that we are not shy about sharing those inner feelings and those inner moments.

00:27:14.193 --> 00:27:22.877
Psalm 51 to six is one of my theme verses, which thou desire truth in the inward parts and in the hidden part, you'll make me know wisdom.

00:27:22.877 --> 00:27:27.980
David deals with that in middle of Bathsheba and the whole thing with Nathan.

00:27:27.980 --> 00:27:31.141
And then David's like, okay, God got it.

00:27:31.142 --> 00:27:32.306
All you want.

00:27:32.306 --> 00:27:34.767
is for me to be what I'm on inside, what I'm on the outside.

00:27:34.767 --> 00:27:37.268
If I'm sinning on the inside, let me just be honest with it.

00:27:37.268 --> 00:27:41.279
If I'm righteous on the inside, let me be the same inside and out.

00:27:41.279 --> 00:27:49.792
Let me stop playing as if you don't see exactly what's going on on the inside, because that's silly to think God doesn't know what's going on in our hearts.

00:27:49.792 --> 00:27:53.223
So as creators, I love the fact that you're opening the door to this.

00:27:53.223 --> 00:27:55.055
It's okay to be honest with God.

00:27:55.055 --> 00:27:57.615
It's okay to have the gift, but not worship the gift.

00:27:57.615 --> 00:28:10.325
And then the last thing I want to share is going back to the joy, because You shared so many areas of your life, even in the midst of your struggle that are giving you joy.

00:28:10.325 --> 00:28:13.856
So for the other creators who are like, okay, I get it.

00:28:13.856 --> 00:28:14.477
She's amazing.

00:28:14.477 --> 00:28:17.758
She's inspirational, but what's the next?

00:28:17.758 --> 00:28:19.038
What's sustaining you now?

00:28:19.038 --> 00:28:20.000
Is there a next?

00:28:20.000 --> 00:28:27.826
Is there something that you're like, you're still dreaming or thinking of because when you have a lot of things and with all the things you have to deal with, Yeah.

00:28:27.826 --> 00:28:29.138
gotta have like, you know what mean?

00:28:29.138 --> 00:28:33.273
Like an insane amount of like vision of, okay, here's why I'm doing what I'm doing.

00:28:33.273 --> 00:28:36.428
So what is the next creative project?

00:28:36.428 --> 00:28:37.578
Or is it all of them, right?

00:28:37.578 --> 00:28:39.570
Is it everything that you're doing you just wanna continue it?

00:28:39.570 --> 00:28:40.893
Or is it the book?

00:28:40.893 --> 00:28:43.695
Like what is driving you right now to stay creative?

00:28:44.184 --> 00:29:00.683
Right now, I just finished recording the audiobook version of my book and it was very healing and therapeutic for me to actually hear myself, you know, sort of speaking into my microphone, my own words in my book, you know, making it dramatic and funny and comical because my book is actually quite funny.

00:29:00.683 --> 00:29:02.855
First of all, because there's so much suffering in it.

00:29:02.855 --> 00:29:06.777
I knew that people wouldn't be able to get through it without, you know, and I love comedic writing.

00:29:06.777 --> 00:29:21.144
So I tried to balance that out and this recent project of acting out, you know, really just Fulfilled me in a strange way and I feel like the Lord did call me to make the audiobook version I wasn't really thinking about it But a few weeks ago people were saying are you gonna make it?

00:29:21.144 --> 00:29:22.046
Are you gonna make one?

00:29:22.046 --> 00:29:36.819
You know, so anyway, but I don't know I haven't thought about I mean frankly I'm so exhausted like I have I feel like I because I just launched this book two months ago and it's been go go go since and I feel the Lord calling me to rest I don't know.

00:29:36.819 --> 00:29:42.707
I ironically I also feel him telling me that a storm might be coming in my life, which is a whole other conversation.

00:29:42.707 --> 00:29:45.568
And I'm thinking like, Lord, I'm already in a storm.

00:29:45.568 --> 00:29:49.111
So anyway, it's, I would appreciate prayers for courage on that.

00:29:49.111 --> 00:29:58.692
I'm, you know, if I'm hearing him correctly on that, but yeah, I try to stay focused on the Lord nowadays, you know, and just focused on eternity and how even in heaven we're gonna...

00:29:58.692 --> 00:30:04.357
I mean, if God gave us these gifts of music here, can you imagine like maybe what we'll do with our eardrums in heaven?

00:30:04.357 --> 00:30:08.882
Like maybe there are resonances and vibrations that we can't even imagine, you know?

00:30:08.882 --> 00:30:17.308
I mean, I know it sounds pie in the sky, but when you've lost so much, like you really do put your hope in eternity because that's where it is.

00:30:17.548 --> 00:30:47.262
Gosh, no, you could not set it better the the phrase that I think of when you say that about the the ear drums and things that we have never heard obviously, you know you think of the song that all the thousands and thousands and millions of people who were saying right the new song of the lamb and then did I think at the end of Revelation he says and I heard it as the sound of many waters and Anyone that hears many waters knows that once you hear water you can't distinguish anything a waterfall blocks out any other sound Oh wow, yeah.

00:30:47.262 --> 00:30:57.596
of many waters really is what I think of, which is so many tongues and all these different ways of praising God, you won't be able to stand, it would sound like a beautiful waterfall because that's all you can describe.

00:30:57.596 --> 00:31:05.709
So the fact that you're describing heaven and eternity as an artistic moment that we will get to, it will not be fleeting.

00:31:05.709 --> 00:31:06.969
It will not fade away.

00:31:06.969 --> 00:31:08.549
It will not go away.

00:31:08.549 --> 00:31:12.540
So everything that we're creating on earth is just an echo of what's going to be in heaven.

00:31:13.073 --> 00:31:14.393
Yeah, absolutely.

00:31:14.393 --> 00:31:15.153
Can I ask you a question?

00:31:15.153 --> 00:31:15.952
This is totally random.

00:31:15.952 --> 00:31:20.472
I've thought about like, do you think God will preserve our creative projects here into heaven?

00:31:20.472 --> 00:31:25.972
Like for example, the sound of music, it would be a tragedy if like God, you know, gets rid of that.

00:31:26.212 --> 00:31:27.575
Do you know what I'm saying?

00:31:27.575 --> 00:31:28.664
great question.

00:31:28.664 --> 00:31:34.000
I would love for our listeners to respond via email and ask what they think.

00:31:34.000 --> 00:31:45.067
But also, I would say I believe that everything we create, when the Bible talks about that every word of God will stand, that the truth of God will stand.

00:31:45.067 --> 00:31:48.109
So anything that is born out of truth will not fade away.

00:31:48.109 --> 00:31:54.223
So if it is artistic and created in truth, it will stand.

00:31:54.223 --> 00:31:56.298
I believe the magnificat.

00:31:56.298 --> 00:32:25.003
Handel's Messiah like These songs these things that are born out of truth Will not fade away because they're based on God's truth and it doesn't mean that everything like the Mona Lisa also is like gonna be burned up but that I I can't have a good answer but I love the fact you turn that back on me because it's another one of those things where we have to realize that what matters is what will last to eternity the way we do now if our works don't work throughout eternity the way we work will interesting.

00:32:25.003 --> 00:32:25.601
Yeah.

00:32:25.601 --> 00:32:32.348
yeah, so we may not see like my song from fifth grade doesn't survive.

00:32:32.348 --> 00:32:36.022
But the fact that I used his gifts, that will follow me.

00:32:36.022 --> 00:32:39.326
That, the way that I continue, yeah, the good work will follow me.

00:32:39.326 --> 00:32:40.608
So that's the best way I can answer that.

00:32:40.608 --> 00:32:43.710
I love the fact you turned that around, because I mean, this is like such a great discussion.

00:32:43.710 --> 00:32:51.767
I've always wondered that because we know per Revelation that there will be a new earth in heaven and it makes me think like, man, like are you going to burn out Mozart or Handel's?

00:32:51.767 --> 00:32:56.099
I mean, these pieces were clearly inspiration from the Lord, like these genius...

00:32:56.099 --> 00:32:57.298
Anyway, yeah.

00:32:57.298 --> 00:32:57.619
wait.

00:32:57.619 --> 00:33:01.821
we hopefully we'll get to ask him and see it and hear it all together.

00:33:01.821 --> 00:33:02.423
I'm Lara.

00:33:02.423 --> 00:33:03.574
I could talk to you forever.

00:33:03.574 --> 00:33:19.795
I just love the fact again that this is a beautiful connection of how walking through the suffering, walking through the pain, being honest about the pain and yet still enjoying the best that God has to offer in terms of his word first and his relationship with him.

00:33:19.795 --> 00:33:22.836
But then the creative gifts that are added onto that.

00:33:22.836 --> 00:33:24.958
So I, this is going to be a hard one.

00:33:24.958 --> 00:33:31.461
And I usually in this with this question and I hate to do it because I feel like this is almost like what in the world would I expect her to say?

00:33:31.461 --> 00:33:33.321
But I will ask it.

00:33:33.321 --> 00:33:46.517
So if you could go back to the day before you got this diagnosis, the day at the lawyer where you were just about to go into this, everything's amazing and I'm also a creative, what would you tell yourself?

00:33:46.517 --> 00:33:55.240
Because someone, unfortunately, may be on the doorstep of something similar, uh a season of loss, a season of struggle, and they...

00:33:55.240 --> 00:33:58.012
They need to hear this, you know what I mean?

00:33:58.012 --> 00:34:00.415
Because I know you have more perspective than anyone.

00:34:00.415 --> 00:34:04.709
So what would you tell yourself if you knew then what you know now?

00:34:05.068 --> 00:34:08.452
Oh man, that is so deep.

00:34:09.233 --> 00:34:10.594
No, it's so good.

00:34:10.594 --> 00:34:12.635
I almost felt the chills.

00:34:12.635 --> 00:34:16.358
I'm like, got chills on my hair, on my arm.

00:34:16.358 --> 00:34:18.431
I think, uh you know.

00:34:18.431 --> 00:34:31.197
I would focus them on 2 Corinthians 4 17 because four years into this, I felt like when the Lord called me to acceptance, He did open my eyes graciously to a doctrine in the Bible, which I had never realized.

00:34:31.197 --> 00:34:42.222
And that verse says that our light and momentary troubles, which by the way, don't feel very light, okay, at the moment, but those troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweigh them all.

00:34:42.222 --> 00:34:45.643
And I felt like it was the Lord downloading into my heart.

00:34:45.643 --> 00:34:49.224
I know my will for your life is hard, but can you trust me?

00:34:49.224 --> 00:34:51.434
Can you trust that I am a good father?

00:34:51.434 --> 00:34:55.885
I know what's best for you, not in a condescending way, but like in an eternal way.

00:34:55.885 --> 00:35:01.668
Like he is doing 10,000 things that we can't see in any given instance of suffering.

00:35:01.668 --> 00:35:05.509
And it took me eight years to actually trust him and believe that.

00:35:05.509 --> 00:35:13.831
But like the minute you enter that valley, if I had known that, I mean, I did on a theological level, but I don't think my heart was ready to suffer.

00:35:13.835 --> 00:35:19.057
So if you can cling to that, I think it will make all the difference because you will hold your head high.

00:35:19.057 --> 00:35:20.849
You will know that the Lord has a purpose.

00:35:20.849 --> 00:35:25.181
No matter how far the pit goes, you will know that he is sovereign.

00:35:25.181 --> 00:35:27.052
And I think that makes all the difference.

00:35:27.052 --> 00:35:34.137
When Matt died, the devotional verse in my Bible app was Genesis 50-20, what Satan intended for evil, God intended for good.

00:35:34.137 --> 00:35:42.251
So it's like just remembering that God has a purpose, even if you're on a bed, you know, that's what I'd end with.

00:35:42.610 --> 00:36:13.451
Well, somebody just received that I'm praying and Jesus saying that someone just received it and Whether they walk through the fire or through the flood like Isaiah says God is with them and God is with you Lara Thank you so much for sharing your testimony and we definitely need to read the book so quickly for the old school people who did not just click the link because they could have just clicked the link by now just tell them how they can find it So my book is called Singing Through Fire by Lara Silverman and LARA and you can find it on all Amazon international websites.

00:36:13.451 --> 00:36:15.603
And it's also available on Barnes and Noble online.

00:36:15.603 --> 00:36:18.976
You can get the Kindle version, the ebook or paperback.

00:36:18.976 --> 00:36:22.409
So I hope it blesses you mightily, especially the creatives.

00:36:22.409 --> 00:36:26.916
I mean, I have so much music in this book, you know, as I've described.

00:36:26.916 --> 00:36:34.474
And we'll make sure they have links to all your other socials and so on so that they can continue to enjoy your creativity throughout whenever they want to.

00:36:34.474 --> 00:36:41.590
But I pray this will not be the last time that you are with the God and Gives community, because this has been an absolute blessing and again, a joy.

00:36:41.590 --> 00:36:44.972
We are praying for you and with you that God will continue to sustain you.

00:36:45.027 --> 00:36:46.673
Thank you so much, Allen.

00:36:51.670 --> 00:36:58.592
My friend, that was one of the most powerful and inspiring interviews we've ever participated in.

00:36:58.592 --> 00:37:03.007
And I am so grateful to Lara for sharing her testimony with us.

00:37:03.007 --> 00:37:12.094
Make sure to tap the link in the show notes to read her book, which will give you even more insight into the incredible journey of faith that the Lord is leading her on.

00:37:12.094 --> 00:37:19.257
And you can see how her creative spirit continues to shine bright despite the struggles she's had to overcome.

00:37:19.300 --> 00:37:27.364
And if you need more spiritual encouragement to face your toughest battles, I encourage you to look into our devotionals on the YouVersion app.

00:37:27.385 --> 00:37:31.067
They cover all kinds of topics related to the creator lifestyle.

00:37:31.067 --> 00:37:35.429
You can find them all at Godandgigs.com slash YouVersion.

00:37:35.429 --> 00:37:37.590
Well, my friend, thank you for listening.

00:37:37.590 --> 00:37:42.934
And until next time, continue to become the creator that you were created to be.

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God bless and we'll see you next episode.