How to Plan the BEST Holiday Season Ever (Even with a Complicated Family)

Steve Alessi:
And I will say, boy.

Steve Alessi:
Oh, that says something right there.

Mary Alessi:
I, I, we're gonna, we're gonna say this, though. We're not gonna say that there's a.

Steve Alessi:
Reason they're not invited.

Mary Alessi:
This is what we're gonna say.

Steve Alessi:
I'm kidding. Go.

Mary Alessi:
Please edit that out. This is what we're gonna say.

Steve Alessi:
Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Family Business with the Alessis. You're here with Steve and Mary Al.

Mary Alessi:
Hey. Hey.

Steve Alessi:
It's good to have each and every one of you. Thank you for joining our podcast. We've got over 200 episodes going into our eighth season. Actually in our eighth season right now got over a million downloads of our podcast on YouTube.

Mary Alessi:
So I'm just hearing constantly from people. I go back and I listen to every single one. It's helped me so much. And that's the feedback we love to hear. So thank you for listening, for being faithful and going back to the archives and listening to all that's a lot of episodes.

Steve Alessi:
So shares are huge.

Mary Alessi:
And then subscribes, share, like comment, subscribe. It just brings it up to the top of every everybody's feeds because the more people comment on it, what happens is the algorithm grabs it and says, oh, more people need to see this.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. And if you like what you're hearing, great way to go ahead and share it with people that are your friendship circle, family circle. Especially on this subject that we're going to address today, since we're in the holiday season. It's falling, temps are changing. So much good is happening coming to the end of hurricane season.

Mary Alessi:
Thank you, Jesus.

Steve Alessi:
So great things are happening and it's always an exciting, exciting time of year going to the end of the year. So, Mary, why are the holidays your favorite time of the year?

Mary Alessi:
You know, I have always loved Christmas. Always, always, always, always. And I want to start the Friday, the last day, the last Friday of October is when I get my tree down and I start getting things ready. I like to decorate pretty much every room in the house. Some room has something because I think it's such a beautiful, festive time and it is an escape from the craziness of the world and it brings family together and everything's decorated, every store you go into. And I feel like, honestly, if I were to zoom out and really analyze it, I think it's more than just because it's gift giving and gift getting and Jesus's birthday. I do think it's like the one time around the world there's a unity because we're all Celebrating something together on the same day all around the world. And we decorate our homes, and no Grinch, everybody's gotta be in a good mood, and we give gifts.

Mary Alessi:
So it just changes everybody's personality. Even for a season. I think we just all act better. And I like that.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah, I like Thanksgiving.

Mary Alessi:
I know you do.

Steve Alessi:
Because of the family and the food and no stress. And it's cheaper. Doesn't cost us near.

Mary Alessi:
No, it does it.

Steve Alessi:
I sure look forward to that. Like, in my mind, I see the girls with you in the kitchen and the grandmothers, they're getting ready with the cooking and the baking. Mel just goes through the whole house. I love that. Getting together and then eating and just having good family time. Seeing the grandkids just run around, and I look forward to that. As much as I love Christmas. Christmas, what I love about Christmas is it's spread out so long.

Steve Alessi:
So even when you start doing your shopping, which is painful, even when you start doing it, you're starting to celebrate, Right? Because then you're stopping along the way, you're getting coffee, you're having pastries while you're out and about, you're enjoying that, even though it's a Christmas rush. There's so much good that goes into that.

Mary Alessi:
Sweaters and your hats and it's spread out.

Steve Alessi:
It's not just the one Thursday for Thanksgiving.

Mary Alessi:
It's true.

Steve Alessi:
Everybody's hustle and bustle and getting there. No, this is.

Mary Alessi:
Excuse me.

Steve Alessi:
This is spread out. Which is why we want to talk about this. In part, it's like, okay, start getting yourself. Especially if you're the leader of your family, start getting yourself in the mindset of the holidays. Don't wait for it at the last minute, but start getting yourself in the mindset so that one. You can enjoy it the long haul.

Mary Alessi:
Okay, that's true.

Steve Alessi:
And then that you're prepared and you eliminate some of the stress and anxiety that comes along with it.

Mary Alessi:
We did a whole podcast on this. We've. I think we've done a couple of.

Steve Alessi:
Podcasts about every holiday, how to do another one. That's what AP says.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah. And like, we got in the booth today and we said, do we just want to talk about our Christmases and our experiences and what our experiences are now, or do we want to give a little tip and help everybody? We. We have filmed podcasts that give you detail about how to be a. An early planner, get your family together early, like in October, and say, all right, guys, these are our plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas. What are your Plans, let's all get on the same page. Like you just said, somebody be the leader and make the plans. So go back and you can find those. We'll touch on it a little bit here.

Mary Alessi:
But I know we also wanted to talk about, because this is a roadblock for some, they might say, I'd love to plan, but you don't know my mother in law and Christmas, Thanksgiving or my mom or whoever it is, or my aunt or my grandmother. Yeah, the holidays are at her house and there's no budging, there's no arguing. If we don't go, she's mad all year. We do have people that we know that deal with that every single holiday. Now, we don't necessarily have that.

Steve Alessi:
We've been so fortunate and blessed.

Mary Alessi:
Our moms have been good. My mom took Thanksgiving years ago, your mom took Christmas. And it's worked. And now they're just happy to be with us wherever we are.

Steve Alessi:
Right.

Mary Alessi:
But we know that people do deal with that at the holiday. And so the holidays can become actually the most pressurized time of year for them. So we were, you know, we've had conversations over the years with some of our friends who even their adult kids, now they're married and they say their son in law is over at the grandmother's house and they want their kids to come over and they can't because you know the grandmother, that's it, you gotta be at her house. So bring everyone. And there's a hundred people there for Christmas because the grandmother is insisting it's still at her house and she can't let go of that tradition and share. And now here comes family fights and arguments.

Steve Alessi:
Well, there's a lot of adjustments and there's some new people in the family. There's some new seasons that everybody's experiencing, which is huge. But again, if we, we can talk about it on the front side, you can start thinking about it on the front side. I think it helps you coordinate and juggle all of these different aspects of the holidays. So when you're looking at it for us, for instance, okay, our moms are getting older. We will most likely this year be changing up some of our time with them because they're older, they don't like to travel as much, they can't travel as much. So that's going to be a little different. And as much as you think in one sense that, oh, that's great, you know, I feel like mom could have fun in at her speed and maybe that means she should be spending time with another family.

Steve Alessi:
Member and not me. This time of year, when I'm there on that day and she's not there, that's going to make me feel weird.

Mary Alessi:
Sure.

Steve Alessi:
Maybe you've lost a loved one this year. One has passed away and they've been elderly and. And as much as it was, in a sense, a burden to try to have them at all the events, once they're gone, you're going to feel it on that day. So mentally, you got to prepare yourself that it doesn't bring you with all these seasonal changes, it doesn't bring you down. So be thinking about what you can do in advance if a loved one's not there. Maybe the week before your holiday, you go visit them at their grave site and you just spend a minute saying, hey, I love you. It was good to have have you all these years. I miss you, but we're going to have a good time.

Mary Alessi:
That's right.

Steve Alessi:
And think of you around the table. But it's not going to be as depressing. No, you're not going to be as brokenhearted. Will there be a void? Be a little sadness? Yeah, that'll. That'll happen. Whether it was your parent or whether it was a child that passed away, it's going to be hard to make those adjustments at the most happiest time of the year. You're not going to be so happy. So just be thinking in advance, what can I do? Because the rest of my family needs me to be 100% present.

Steve Alessi:
They don't want to be brought down because I'm sad. They don't want to feel bad for me if I can't be 100% there because my emotions are elsewhere. So what I should be doing, if I'm the one that's lost that loved one, I should be trying to plan something out in advance.

Mary Alessi:
That's the key word. That's what I was going to interject and say, plan, plan, plan, plan. And that's what we've said in our past podcast that we've gotten so much feedback on. I was shocked at how few people really do back up and plan their holidays well. So if there is a loss of a loved one or your plans are changing, or your new wife wants to do something a little different. Even in our own family, when two of our kids got married, their first Christmas together, they wanted it to be different. And we were like, what are you talking about? You're going to be gone on Christmas. You're not going to be with us for Christmas.

Mary Alessi:
And after that one experience, they realized Christmas is not meant to be spent away from your family, just the two of us. This is not as fun as we thought it was, and that fixed it. But I think it's the lack of planning and really being pragmatic about things and whether you're dealing with a loss of a loved one, which, man. Anytime you are, the holidays can just feel so gloomy and dark and you almost wish you could skip it altogether. But it can really still meet a need in your life if you will plan better for it. It'll also reduce the conflict with your family if you back up and plan. So if you are that person that has a conflicted family, or what's that term we found in that book? Just a difficult person, high conflict person that you deal with in your family. I think every family has one where that member is a high conflict hcp.

Mary Alessi:
Hcp, they're actually named. There's a term for people like that. And you know who they are. They might not know.

Steve Alessi:
They don't. That's the problem with hcps.

Mary Alessi:
High confidence.

Steve Alessi:
They're not the one that's going to listen to this podcast and say, yes, I'm going to be better.

Mary Alessi:
No, they're not. They're not going to listen to this. No, no, they're not going to solve the conflict. They live on the conflict.

Steve Alessi:
Here's the other thing. You know, we got new kids, new. Yeah. New spouses.

Mary Alessi:
Right.

Steve Alessi:
In the family, so new families. I got a new son, so we got. Gabby just got married and she's going to be, you know, her new husband's with us this time. He's family.

Mary Alessi:
Right.

Steve Alessi:
And dating. He was on his best behavior, but now he's family. He can do whatever he wants.

Mary Alessi:
Sure.

Steve Alessi:
You know, and what happens as you start to introduce these new family members to the family Right on in the holidays that, you know, they're. Maybe they're going to be missing their family because they're not. It's a change for them. This will be the first year maybe Christian's not with his family at this particular time of year or however that looks. So being sensitive to it is. Is important. But yet preparing yourself again for how can I make it special for everybody? And honestly, I don't know. That's not my gig.

Steve Alessi:
You're gonna have to figure out maybe his favorite dessert. We got to figure this.

Mary Alessi:
Well, thank God he's easy. And backing up while they were dating. I don't know if you remember, we talked about the holidays and the expectation was set right then because, you know, his mom and dad have their holiday traditions. We have our holiday traditions. And we can't upset that. And we wouldn't want. They wouldn't want to upset ours. So we know moving forward as we go into this, we just share every other year.

Mary Alessi:
That's okay. We'll be all right. We talked about the come one, come all thing. You guys just come with us or you guys just come with us. And his mom and I talked and we said it's not the time for that. And the reason it's not the time for that is because we still have our elderly moms. She has her.

Steve Alessi:
That's true.

Mary Alessi:
Elderly mom that can't go anywhere. It's just easier to pick her up and bring her right down the street to her house. We have ours. And so for right now, we make the sacrifice. We can't all be together at all the holidays. We. But we share that. They go to Thanksgiving with them, they go to Christmas with us or vice versa.

Mary Alessi:
And you know what? It works. And some families, we see this in Miami, there will always be that designated leader that says, I've got the biggest house. Everybody just comes in my house. Well, I personally, I think that's super sweet for a night, but you and I like Thanksgiving or Christmas week month. We do. We like for it to spread out. So that doesn't mean we're rejecting that or those family. We're saying we aren't the type of people that like to do Christmas with your in laws and neighbors and people we don't know.

Mary Alessi:
Now, we don't mind doing a night, a dinner, whatever. But the holidays are very intentional for us as well. Even you and me, we've not lost that. We've tried not to lose that. That we still celebrate Christmas, you and.

Steve Alessi:
I. Yeah, we do.

Mary Alessi:
We exchange gifts. So if our kids are doing other things, they know what the expectation is. We've been very clear with the expectation. Here are our plans. But we back up and we start early enough where it's fair and it doesn't throw all the other families into a. What do you mean you're not coming? So we're mindful of what we like to do at the holidays because it only comes once a year. And we say this all the time. You can recreate Christmas anytime and get everybody together at your house for dinner.

Mary Alessi:
Christmas is once a year when it's really. Everybody's off, the grocery stores are closed, the world is shut down, and we're watching the Macy's Day parade or whatever is going on. So let's not convolute it, Create confusion, plan, be thoughtful, be mindful, but just once the expectations are set, they're pretty much locked in.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. Yeah. We've seen too many movies, Hallmark Channel movies where somebody's not married and they're getting ready for the holidays and they. They kind of have to figure out what they're going to do.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
So I would even say there to so many of our listeners that do not have a spouse yet and that they themselves should be thinking all right in advance, what do I got to do this year to keep me out of feeling like I'm that, you know, person that's fifth wheel here. Everybody else coming together for family, and we're so family cultured in the family business here. And what we do in our church, it's all family and family, meaning marriage, spouse, husbands, wives, which then sometimes makes those who are not feel uncomfortable with what do they do around the holidays? So, Mary, even that. I mean, what do you do?

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
How should you prepare yourself in advance as someone who's not married?

Mary Alessi:
You know, I think that is a great way to, again, back up and plan, knowing it's coming. Don't let it catch you off guard. Start talking with your friends and find out what they're doing so that you have options. Because there's a lot of single friends that will say, come to my family's house, or I'll go to your family's house. So not only are. Are you planning, you have an agenda. You're excited. You have something to look forward to.

Mary Alessi:
Maybe you can help somebody else that doesn't have plans and that makes you feel better. You know, your purpose as you're single is to help other people. You're giving back, which is very important, because when you do get married, it doesn't make it necessarily easier. I think actually being single Christmas is easier than being married because the demands of family are there. But when you're single, you can kind of pick up and go on a cruise with a friend. You know, you can tell your mom and dad, I'm gonna do Christmas with you early. And we're, you know, we're gonna go to the Bahamas or do something fun with a few friends. So you have so many options.

Mary Alessi:
Take them, find out what they are, and enjoy yourself while you're single. You've got the money, you can do it. You don't have a spouse saying, I don't wanna do that. So enjoy the things that you enjoy now. And it's like they say, life is what you make It, Christmas is what you make it. You can make it a lot of fun if you try. And I have a friend, I love what she says and it really helped me one time. She goes, you know, I have just made a decision that I'm going to be the last stop Christmas Day.

Mary Alessi:
I'll take the last meal shift. You need to go to your grandmother's house for breakfast. You go, you need to go to your mother in law's house for lunch. You go, I'm doing dinner at 7 o'. Clock. You come to me. And you know what she said? She goes, my family has now all defaulted because she made that sacrifice to say, I'll wait all day and give up the day because I know you're going to end your day with me. And what's ended up happening is now the kids bring pajamas.

Mary Alessi:
They stay and they have Christmas after breakfast. She said, we'll stay up all night long on Christmas Day. And all of their expectations are met. They've opened the presents with their kids. She goes, over the years, as grandkids have come, it's all taken care of. Abuela's grandmothers go to bed at 7 o' clock anyway, so they're not going anywhere. And I thought, you know, that seems sacrificial on its face, but actually it works out better for her.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
Because she can rest Christmas morning. She has all day to enjoy the day with her and her husband, wrap, get things done. They all the expectations, all the responsibilities that her siblings or her. Not her siblings, but her kids have that are all married with grandkids, they can go take care of all those things. And when they come to her, at that point, maybe they're not as hungry as she'd like for them to be, but she doesn't care. She has their full attention. They're not rushing to leave the house. So I say that in conjunction with the singleness that be sacrificial in one way because it will benefit you.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
And be the party starter.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. Oh, that's good. You definitely want to be thinking in advance of that. So here's the other thing. We were talking with Lolo in the kitchen the other night. We're talking about the holidays and she's at such a great place, of course, because there's a. She just got engaged and she sees the future.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
So again, family marriage is beautiful. But then she came up with the idea, since all her siblings right now are in their own homes, she says, why don't we do Christmas morning?

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
And after we do our but hold on.

Mary Alessi:
I love what she said. Mom and dad, it's just the three of us this year.

Steve Alessi:
She did.

Mary Alessi:
I was touched by that. Like, she was excited.

Steve Alessi:
She never had that.

Mary Alessi:
No, but we.

Steve Alessi:
But that's gonna make me cry.

Mary Alessi:
Hold on a minute. We've been very intentional the last few years. Yeah, we have been very thoughtful about that, because we did not want the two kids that were left at the house. The others had their own kids. It makes Christmas really special. They were single and adults, too. And so we took them to Charleston, just the four of us. We've done special things, like, you guys go have your Christmas.

Mary Alessi:
The four of us are gonna go have ours, and we're gonna make memories. And we did that intentionally so that now it's just us and Lauren. And she's like, what are we doing? Like, well, wait a minute, you got a fiance now. But I go back to saying, that's not tooting our horn. We set the example of that and said, you know, we're gonna. We're gonna set the expectations so that when whatever kids left in the house, they don't feel like they're shortchanged.

Steve Alessi:
No. No.

Mary Alessi:
So. Are you kidding me? Let's go.

Steve Alessi:
Well, we had so much fun with the four of us that then the next year, everybody wanted to go with us.

Mary Alessi:
Well, there you go.

Steve Alessi:
And that was crazy.

Mary Alessi:
That's what happens.

Steve Alessi:
Okay, so the other part of that story was she says, why don't we plan our morning this way? We'll do our Christmas while they're all doing theirs, and then we'll jump in the car and we'll bring a special meal to each of the different homes. And she started to get pretty creative. Okay, for Christian and Gabby, we're going to get this. And then for Chris and Steph, we're going to do this. And then for Chris and Rochelle, we're going to bring that. And she was already planning on the different kind of dishes that we were going to bring. So we were gonna be like doordashers.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
And we were gonna be going to the home, celebrate the kids, celebrate their new home, see what their Christmas is like. But bringing something special with us, that.

Mary Alessi:
Makes me so excited, because I am more wired to say, I want everybody to come to my house, but I get as much joy going to theirs. And they decorate, they're proud of their homes. They're excited. The girls are. And it means the world, even to our grandkids. We see it. Yeah, we saw that last year when we went to their house and saw their Toys. Remember when we walked in, Gianna went crazy because she was so excited to show us the toys she got.

Mary Alessi:
And she's not going to bring those toys to our house.

Steve Alessi:
No.

Mary Alessi:
So when we made it on their terms, just for an hour, two hours, and we popped in, it just made Christmas a blast.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah, it did. Well, we're going to do it with Marino. He's going to be all pumped up.

Mary Alessi:
Ready to go riding their bikes, their new bikes down the street.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. Last year we got them bikes. I don't know how many times they've ridden their bike.

Mary Alessi:
So they've ridden them, but they ride them at their house.

Steve Alessi:
That's right.

Mary Alessi:
We don't see it.

Steve Alessi:
That's so true. So that's going to be a great opportunity just to do something different this year. And already planning it in advance is the key. So when it comes to now juggling these new family members in your lives again, having things that they're going to enjoy.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
So we happen to have, of course, we're. Our American, Italian, American heritage is represented in our home. So we're going to have Italian somewhere.

Mary Alessi:
Right.

Steve Alessi:
We have with Rochelle her Costa Rican heritage. So she's going to have something there that's going to be what she has, that flavor she's accustomed to. The same with the munias with their Cuban, and same with colada youths now with their Cuban heritage. And now we've got this Colombian. So we were talking the other day, even, what's that dish that he likes?

Mary Alessi:
Steak. So it's funny you're saying this because we got a minute.

Steve Alessi:
You got turkey and ham.

Mary Alessi:
And then so we asked them, what does it. What do Colombians eat at the holidays at Thanksgiving? And he goes, ham, I want a ham that's very American. And he goes, yeah. I said, do you like ham? He goes, no, not really. I said, none of us like him. Why are we eating ham at Thanksgiving? We don't even like ham. Yeah, and I told you that this was the year I wasn't going to make the big turkey on the bone. I know.

Mary Alessi:
Don't cancel us. Don't unsubscribe. But I don't even like those turkeys. I'd rather have two big turkey breasts. Seriously. Nobody eats the. Nobody eats the drumsticks. Do you know how hard they are.

Steve Alessi:
To have the dark meat and the white meat?

Mary Alessi:
No, we're just gonna have the white meat, and it's juicy.

Steve Alessi:
But can we do something with a small bird or something for dark meat?

Mary Alessi:
No, I'm gonna. Ashley's she's in there going, no, we're gonna kill one. You can kill one, but all you can cook are. You have to cut the breasts out anyway.

Steve Alessi:
That's true.

Mary Alessi:
I'm just saying. I'm so sick of those turkey legs because nobody eats. They have those plastic things in them, that weird cartilage. Peacocks. Well, there's certainly plenty of them in Miami. I heard they were delicious.

Steve Alessi:
Is that true?

Mary Alessi:
Okay, you'll set it up with the. With the fans. The fan feathers at the table. We'll bring it in and set the. That's disgusting.

Steve Alessi:
I'll shoot. But when you will clean. He'd love that.

Mary Alessi:
So you were saying about them bringing their cuisine from their culture.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah, we gotta.

Mary Alessi:
They don't ever do that.

Steve Alessi:
No, they don't, but we should. You know, the host. You may want to consider doing something.

Mary Alessi:
No, no, no.

Steve Alessi:
Not even croquetas?

Mary Alessi:
No croquetas.

Steve Alessi:
Come on.

Mary Alessi:
No croquetas.

Steve Alessi:
Wow.

Mary Alessi:
No. Let's put it this way.

Steve Alessi:
You can do. Don't they have ham croquetas? So you can still bring ham.

Mary Alessi:
You're thinking, do you really want turkey?

Steve Alessi:
Do they do turkey croquetas?

Mary Alessi:
You don't even eat croquetas.

Steve Alessi:
I know.

Mary Alessi:
And you can barely say it.

Steve Alessi:
I'm talking about our in laws here.

Mary Alessi:
What's your way?

Steve Alessi:
Where there is no way but at.

Mary Alessi:
Thanks. At Thanksgiving. It's all American, remember?

Steve Alessi:
Yes, but I'm saying still bring something from their family. No, I'm talking. Wait a minute. You're going to tell me Cubans cook turkey?

Mary Alessi:
Yes. Come.

Steve Alessi:
That's got it.

Mary Alessi:
Cubans, come on. Absolutely. They cook turkey. Ashley's Cuban. We go full American for Thanksgiving. There you go.

Steve Alessi:
That's the only time they become Americans. They're proud of their one year meal. When did they do the pig?

Mary Alessi:
New Year's, Christmas eve. Noche Buena. 24th Christmas Eve. You have lived in this city for 64 years and you still ask that question.

Steve Alessi:
Because these Cuban Americans mess it all up.

Mary Alessi:
They don't. If anyone sticks to tradition, it is.

Steve Alessi:
All right, so this year year, Moynia and Kalada, you'd have to do a pig.

Mary Alessi:
That's not gonna happen.

Steve Alessi:
Come on.

Mary Alessi:
They don't want to. That's the thing.

Steve Alessi:
If I'm gonna give them something, they got to give me something. Come on.

Mary Alessi:
So then we. We got to do it at the farm. You got to go dig a hole.

Steve Alessi:
No, no, no.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah, it's got to be at the farm. We can't do it in Our backyard.

Steve Alessi:
We can do it in Winnie's backyard. He's got a new backyard.

Mary Alessi:
And you watch, he's gonna go, no.

Steve Alessi:
His dad will come over.

Mary Alessi:
Because that's what your abuelo did. Am I right about that? And he's not an abuelo yet. Or a deal. He's not even really, like, he's not old enough to be that guy that does that.

Steve Alessi:
Wow. See how quick, out of convenience, people just give up their.

Mary Alessi:
And they give away sacredness.

Steve Alessi:
And you're about to do it this year with the big turkey on the bone.

Mary Alessi:
Well, I'm gonna do it.

Steve Alessi:
Oh, my God.

Mary Alessi:
I'm gonna try.

Steve Alessi:
Wow. Can we have some pasta? At least that keeps some tradition.

Mary Alessi:
That's Christmas. I'm not controlling. I'm gonna start asking. Okay, I'm not gonna finish that statement.

Steve Alessi:
We can do turkey balls instead of meatballs. Turkey balls?

Mary Alessi:
No.

Steve Alessi:
Something unique.

Mary Alessi:
No, we are not gonna put you in charge of the kitchen. Oh, Lord, it's not happening. Okay, Christmas Eve.

Steve Alessi:
Stop it. Why are you passing up things?

Mary Alessi:
Because I'm telling you that we do pasta and steak at Christmas Eve, okay? So at Thanksgiving, we do all American. We do stuffing, macaroni, mashed potatoes. We do lasagna. Okay, well, that's eggplant parmesan.

Steve Alessi:
Okay, well, that's very parmigiano.

Mary Alessi:
Reggiano.

Steve Alessi:
Okay, so here's what I need from you.

Mary Alessi:
Ricotta.

Steve Alessi:
Tell me something funny. What memory do you have about the holidays?

Mary Alessi:
Oh, my goodness.

Steve Alessi:
That were funny growing up. Anything growing up.

Mary Alessi:
I. Well, I have some funny memories. I have some fond memories. One memory I have that was funny was my dad wanted us to go spend the week. It was actually Thanksgiving, but we were gonna cut down a tree and set it up. Cause we were gonna stay there for like three weeks and enjoy the holiday. So we'd never rented a mountain cabin before. So we rented it.

Mary Alessi:
Of course. This is before vrbo. You just called the person and they went, yeah, our place is beautiful. And that was it. You know, you'd show up and it was a crack house.

Steve Alessi:
Do you know what VRBO stands for?

Mary Alessi:
Vacation Rental. Back out, owner by owner.

Steve Alessi:
There you go. Go.

Mary Alessi:
Well, they didn't have that then. So dad rented one site unseen. We get there and we're in this tiny little mountain town that has one grocery store. So thank God we had a motorhome. So mom had a few things in the motorhome for food. So we get there, and that day, mom was going to get up and go to the grocery store. Nothing was open. I Mean, nothing was open.

Mary Alessi:
We were literally eating popcorn. And speaking of popcorn, we then decided, and it was not turkey flavored, we were going to go into the woods and cut down a Christmas tree and set it up and decorated it. But we thought we'd go to the store and we'd buy everything we couldn't even have.

Steve Alessi:
Because you were going to now string popcorn as your decor as you string. Got it.

Mary Alessi:
The things we bought in popcorn, we couldn't even stand it up because we didn't have a stand. I mean, when I tell you that place closed down, it was like the apocalypse. Nothing was open, no gas station, nothing was open. And I remember we were laughing, but my mom didn't think it was funny. And we thought it was funny and we were laughing. But then I remember just being hungry and so we just, we had to spend the night there, waiting the next day. And I do remember the place was not pretty at all. Yeah, it wasn't great.

Mary Alessi:
But it ended up being one of our most memorable times because we laughed our heads off.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
And at how we just didn't plan. Talking about not planning, but welcome to my family. That was one memory that I had.

Steve Alessi:
Okay, so here's a memory and it's not a fond memory. It's kind of like an eye opening memory. And it was the last time the family ever tried to do this. But do you remember back in our old house years and years ago, I wanted to make my dad so proud. Right. And so I thought we would do an Alessi family Christmas gathering, holiday gathering. And we invited all his brothers and sister to come with their kids and their family members.

Mary Alessi:
Oh my goodness. I buried this memory.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah, this was actually the last time all the family got together.

Mary Alessi:
Like that was a long time ago.

Steve Alessi:
Long time ago. But I was so proud, you know, I wanted my dad to be proud. Hey, my son's opening his home, you know. And so we invited everybody over and they all came and they all came. It was the weirdest thing because that's what's funny about some of these holidays. You don't see each other all year long and then you come together and now you see why people drink so much on the holidays. No.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah. That's the truth.

Steve Alessi:
Because they, they, they need something to lower their defensiveness and, and their mind.

Mary Alessi:
Get a little bit free, talk to their brother.

Steve Alessi:
They can just have a conversation without fighting or throwing something at them, you know?

Mary Alessi:
I know.

Steve Alessi:
So, not that we condone drinking, fighting or throwing things, but we understand. So they all came over and it Was so nice. And I don't know about you, but when in my mind, I always remember cousins as they were back when I right. Used to play with them. So some of them come walking through the door and I'm like, who is that?

Mary Alessi:
Right.

Steve Alessi:
I couldn't even recognize them. What happened to you? How did you let yourself go? Or why did you change it? Look, how do you get so old? And so we're out there and of course with the family. This one starts talking about that one behind their back.

Mary Alessi:
Oh, it was terrible.

Steve Alessi:
This one start talking about, hey, you see who's here? Look, remember him? But he did, you know, he's this now.

Mary Alessi:
And yeah, he went bankrupt.

Steve Alessi:
And so it started to come unraveled about halfway through. And we realized, oh, my gosh, we better eat and get this.

Mary Alessi:
Everybody out. And we saw really quick why your dad stopped inviting them all to his house.

Steve Alessi:
It was crazy.

Mary Alessi:
I will say though, I have a different memory than you because I was out on the patio with some of your female cousins.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
Who had all had a stint with drug use. And they were telling stories.

Steve Alessi:
Careful.

Mary Alessi:
Quite a few. Couple of them. Okay.

Steve Alessi:
The ones that were around. You go ahead.

Mary Alessi:
The ones that found me on the porch.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
And started telling me their stories. And I was quite enlightened and shocked. But Jesus. So they did find the Lord later. But I could have done without some of their stories.

Steve Alessi:
Oh, yeah.

Mary Alessi:
No, it was funny though. I look back on that and I think half of them came just as detectives. That's the only reason they showed up. They just wanted to see what our house was like. They had heard through the grapevine. Stevie has this. Stevie and Mary have this house. And we were down in old.

Mary Alessi:
In like Cutler Ridge. But it was more than maybe what some of them had. And you know, the uncles, your dad's brothers. Good Lord were there. They were just a whole. They should make a movie on those guys.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
So they had already there was sibling. And they had their own battles with their kids and sibling rivalry. So I think a lot of them just showed up just to say, I just want to see what. What does Stevie got.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
What's going on in Stevie's world?

Steve Alessi:
And they couldn't say no. They. They couldn't say no. They had to show up. Are you kidding? The pride up. I was there.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
And it was the last. Now, you know, it's the last time the family all got together, so. But what was funny is our family is just like every other family.

Mary Alessi:
Absolutely.

Steve Alessi:
And we had to juggle people's sexual preferences with people's drug addiction and those.

Mary Alessi:
Whispers in the corner.

Steve Alessi:
And then those righteous Christian judgmental preachers. You know, we had all that ex wives and new wives and all of that.

Mary Alessi:
Maybe worse than some people's families.

Steve Alessi:
And they. That was quite the experience, but it was the last time we did it.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
And I'm glad we did. I really am.

Mary Alessi:
Oh, I am, too.

Steve Alessi:
Though nobody would ever give us credit for trying to do that at that point. It was a eye opener. And I definitely learned I don't have to make my dad proud that way. Nope.

Mary Alessi:
No, no, no, no. There's plenty of ways.

Steve Alessi:
And there is a reason why they don't get together.

Mary Alessi:
No. And you know what I always found funny in that regard? Why didn't your dad or mom go, steve, don't do this.

Steve Alessi:
Don't do it.

Mary Alessi:
They were. I think they thought, you give it a shot, maybe they'll be better with you.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
But I remember those Alessi parties at your mom and dad's house. I went to a couple. Yeah, I do remember that. And your mom just got burned out. Tables and chairs and Italians everywhere and plastic tablecloths.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
And then people weren't bringing food, and so your mom, you know. You know, kill herself.

Steve Alessi:
When I was. When I was younger, my sister was dating her now husband. And I remember when mom changed up Christmas Eve, and it drove me nuts. Probably a tinge of jealousy in me at that age when I was younger. But she went from a full Italian meal to on Christmas Eve, going full Puerto Rican.

Mary Alessi:
Oh, yeah, that was.

Steve Alessi:
Oh, and it was inviting his side of the family. Robin's family. And tinge of definitely jealousy led to me showing my displeasure. But I couldn't stand it that.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
Now we just. I'm not Puerto Rican. I'm. Come on. I'm. I got. Where's. Where's our roots? We didn't.

Steve Alessi:
And mom just went from that to that and was like, oh, I hated it. Well, I wasn't a good, happy camper.

Mary Alessi:
So I need to interject and bring some awareness to you for what you just said. You just suggested just a few minutes ago we could roll the tape back. You just. You are like your mother, including.

Steve Alessi:
I didn't say get rid of our heritage when it comes to the American. I said include some.

Mary Alessi:
And I said, no, a cup.

Steve Alessi:
Rice and beans. Come on, a little ham.

Mary Alessi:
But you wouldn't reflect back to how that made you feel.

Steve Alessi:
A little not changing it all up. All right.

Mary Alessi:
Incorporating.

Steve Alessi:
Which, you know, does bring up quite the subject Matter what.

Mary Alessi:
Rice and beans?

Steve Alessi:
No. Just how unique it is in our day to see the different ethnic.

Mary Alessi:
Oh, my goodness.

Steve Alessi:
Heritage of different people coming together.

Mary Alessi:
It's crazy.

Steve Alessi:
It is, Mary. It's. It's beautiful. And it's. Anything beautiful requires such maintenance, preparation. You got to be ready for all that stuff. Goes back again to the planning.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah. Well, listen, somebody. Well, I was. I can talk. Give me a second. It'll come out. I was with a couple of my friends this morning, and they both said. We were reflecting on Lauren's engagement, and they both are Hispanic.

Mary Alessi:
And they said, what in the world happened to the Alessi family? All four of your kids have married Hispanics. I said, I don't know. I guess they love the culture. And we've always been a very blended culture. You're Italian, I'm American. Darlene was married a Puerto Rican. Now, my family.

Steve Alessi:
Toby married an Italian.

Mary Alessi:
Martha married an Italian. The only one that married a gringo was my older sister, Marvolene. Everybody else is blended ethnically, but both of her husbands were green. Sorry, sister, but she's the only one that stayed within the American thing. And I will say. I will say.

Steve Alessi:
Oh, that says something right there.

Mary Alessi:
We're going to say this, though. We're not going to say that there's.

Steve Alessi:
A reason they're not invited to.

Mary Alessi:
This is what we're going to say.

Steve Alessi:
I'm kidding.

Mary Alessi:
Go, please edit that out. This is what we're going to say, that. I think mixing cultures just makes it so much more fun. And if you equally embrace them and you pay homage to both cultures, I think that's what you're saying is blending the cultures. Make it fun. Put whatever their favorite thing is on the menu. So, like, whatever is Daniel's mom's favorite thing to make? That's Colombian. Bring it.

Mary Alessi:
And same with Christian or.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah, I love this. We got AP in here. His beautiful black heritage. He has Hispanics coming. Two Hispanics in the family. Wow.

Mary Alessi:
But they wouldn't compete with Leah's food.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah, that's true.

Mary Alessi:
Because she's a.

Steve Alessi:
She blends it all.

Mary Alessi:
She blends it in. She's got the island. She's got new. Or the Louisiana. She's got Southern. She's got the whole kitten caboodle.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah. Wow.

Mary Alessi:
Let me just say I'm going to their house.

Steve Alessi:
Let me just say to this man here, Alan, your son Marcus, he picked a great girl.

Mary Alessi:
The two of them together are awesome.

Steve Alessi:
She is something else. And to see their relationship, the way they talk to each other.

Mary Alessi:
Precious.

Steve Alessi:
Oh, My goodness. And of course, they got a new baby gonna be coming on the way to see that. Those pictures.

Mary Alessi:
Alan's gonna be a grandpa. Al's gonna be a grandpa.

Steve Alessi:
So precious. So precious. But there's the blending right there.

Mary Alessi:
No, it's awesome.

Steve Alessi:
Oh, my goodness. It's. It's exciting. It's. It's unique and it can be very beautiful.

Mary Alessi:
Absolutely.

Steve Alessi:
If everybody is, you know, keeping a good mindset about it, talking about it leading up to the holidays. What can you bring, you know, from your tradition that's going to enlighten the whole family, get it. Of your culture. Things like that make it unique. In South Florida, babe. In South Florida, it's. That's how it is. So to answer the question, how did our kids end up with.

Steve Alessi:
For Hispanics, it's our culture.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
It's our South Florida culture. It's what makes our.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
Our lives here so unique. To have the blending, the, the different cultures coming together. When we go to Georgia and we're around Americans, I realize how un American I really am.

Mary Alessi:
Say that again for the people in the back.

Steve Alessi:
I realize how un American I really am.

Mary Alessi:
That's not who we are.

Steve Alessi:
I'm not. I'm in the South. I'm more south than those in Georgia who are South Southerners. And yet I am not Southern at all. It's just the blend, the, the beautiful community that we're a part of. And if you're a part of this South Florida community, my kids, our kids were raised in a church that's very multi ethnic. Yeah. Blending of the Hispanic.

Steve Alessi:
Mostly Hispanic. Hispanic, yeah.

Mary Alessi:
Islands.

Steve Alessi:
My, My friends. Come on. I got two of them. Martinez, Paula, both Cubans. You know, in that environment, Burke, he's American from. But even he, he was married to an El Salvadorian, has the Hispanic thing going. So we're just in this culture. So where would our kids.

Steve Alessi:
What would our kids choose? This is all they've known. Their friends have been Hispanic.

Mary Alessi:
I would also say this because I am 100% American and I can say this. I'm not half Italian or half anything else. I'm 100%. Whatever I am. Other cultures have a whole lot more fun than Americans. Yes, I said it and I will not take it back. They do celebrate and party a lot more and have more of a good time, but they're also very focused on the family. The family is very important.

Mary Alessi:
And in the American culture, the all American culture, it's not as much. Yes, there are regions and families and people that do that. But as a Whole. It's not part of the American culture to be. You know, grandma is gonna have everybody over and we're all gonna go. It's very, very fragmented. It's very different. It's not the celebration.

Mary Alessi:
Sorry. But it's not that people from South America bring. From the islands bring. Just different cultures bring.

Steve Alessi:
There is a reason people come to vacation here, and our kids wanted that. Yeah. And if they're gone for a little bit from it. Oh, they can't wait to get there.

Mary Alessi:
Come on.

Steve Alessi:
Gabby and Christian were in Europe. They were in Spain, and they said they miss Miami.

Mary Alessi:
So they couldn't wa.

Steve Alessi:
Couldn't get back to their high flying fun.

Mary Alessi:
I know.

Steve Alessi:
Miami Life nights.

Mary Alessi:
Christmas in Miami.

Steve Alessi:
Oh, my gosh. Well, it's. It's the holidays. We're ready for it. We're excited about it. I can't wait for us. We're trying to lean up right now, you and I, which, by the way, you're looking great.

Mary Alessi:
Thank you. You are, too. This is as skinny as I'm going to be. Because the holidays start next week.

Steve Alessi:
We got a couple more weeks.

Mary Alessi:
Oh, yeah. It's over.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
I won't wear these jeans again.

Steve Alessi:
Oh, that's not. But that top. We can buy a couple more of those.

Mary Alessi:
Speaking of that, do you know what you're going to get? Hold on. Do you know what I'm going to get myself for Christmas? Have I sent you what I'm going to get myself for Christmas?

Steve Alessi:
Talk to me.

Mary Alessi:
You need to send me your list of what you're going to get.

Steve Alessi:
I just want to get the Thanksgiving first and then. Yeah. And hunting season and all that goes into it, but cool.

Mary Alessi:
Black Friday sales.

Steve Alessi:
That starts November 1st, by the way. These days, Amazon all month long.

Mary Alessi:
I love it.

Steve Alessi:
I like that. Love that as well.

Mary Alessi:
Oh, it's going to be a fun holiday.

Steve Alessi:
It is. And since we've got so much to celebrate this year.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah, man.

Steve Alessi:
I'm grateful we're doing right, babe.

Mary Alessi:
We are. Hey, and I have one. One more funny story to tell that I thought you were going to tell. Was it Thanksgiving or Christmas that my sister's first husband was with us at your mom and dad's house? I don't know what it was, but anyway, he almost burned the house down.

Steve Alessi:
He did.

Mary Alessi:
And, like, for real almost burned the house down. So the candles were over by the curtain.

Steve Alessi:
Wait a minute. Let me just let you. This guy was a pastor.

Mary Alessi:
Doesn't matter.

Steve Alessi:
After he couldn't make it as a pastor and he started working in a Funeral home.

Mary Alessi:
This does not matter.

Steve Alessi:
It does because this leads into a great story. So this kind of shows you.

Mary Alessi:
But at that point, that wasn't where he was.

Steve Alessi:
Well, he went from. To. From ministering to people that were alive to people that were dead. So go ahead.

Mary Alessi:
But it has nothing to do with him burning the house down. Okay. Anyway, he almost burned our house down.

Steve Alessi:
And he's the same one who dripped the turkey out on our patio and a fire erupted. This guy with fire.

Mary Alessi:
He almost burnt your parents house down. And he almost burnt our house down.

Steve Alessi:
And destroyed the turkey.

Mary Alessi:
So we took him off the list of invitations and then he was permanently off the list. We might have to edit this out of the.

Steve Alessi:
No, this is perfect. This is why you got to end of these podcasts because you just don't know what to do.

Mary Alessi:
Our families are not perfect, but we want them to be peaceful.

Steve Alessi:
We're gonna have a great holiday.

Mary Alessi:
Yes, we are.

Steve Alessi:
Regardless of who's coming.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah, he's not coming. No.

Steve Alessi:
Hey, there is a better story about the time I offended your mom big time in the kitchen.

Mary Alessi:
We told it already, babe.

Steve Alessi:
We've got new listeners.

Mary Alessi:
That's true.

Steve Alessi:
So they need to throw back podcast because we're giving so much right now, it's a mouthful. When they're done with this podcast, they're like, oh, my God, I can't handle another Alessi. So give them space. That's a story that we'll share in the future. Amazingly, miraculously, your mom still loves me.

Mary Alessi:
She does. But she hasn't come to Thanksgiving ever since.

Steve Alessi:
That's not true. And she's great at Thanksgiving, by the way, because she can cook. She can cook, she can bake, and then the next day she'll throw things all together two days later. Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
Yeah. Please don't ruin my kitchen help.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah.

Mary Alessi:
Don't offend.

Steve Alessi:
Almost did that. That almost did. She was big enough to come off of it. Yeah, you and your sister were shocked. Fear in a headlight. You were hilarious. And I realized, man, it took me all afternoon to get my foot out of my mouth.

Mary Alessi:
But you apologized. You handled it well.

Steve Alessi:
Yeah, choking from the foot that was in my mouth. That was horrible. And I confessed it to the Lord and repented. Tried to get it right. And thankfully, she still loves me to this day.

Mary Alessi:
Oh, Lord.

Steve Alessi:
All right, you want to end us?

Mary Alessi:
Yeah.

Steve Alessi:
Go.

Mary Alessi:
Well, thank you for listening. Watching another episode of the Family Business with the electricity. Did I get it?

Steve Alessi:
You got it.

Mary Alessi:
And happy holidays, everybody. It's going to be a great time. Keep listening. Go back and listen to other podcasts if you've missed them. I think I've said that four times today. Hey, have a great day. Thanks so much for joining the family business today. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to follow or subscribe, share with a friend and leave us a review.

Mary Alessi:
We appreciate your support and can't wait to have you join us next time, because family is everybody's business.