Forever Alone w/ Dionne

Local Neighborhood Baby [00:00:02] Hello and welcome to another episode of Stressed Depressed & Anxious with your host local neighborhood baby. Today we have Dionne as special guest and Dionne, why don't you go ahead and introduce yourself to all the lovely babies listening?

Dionne Sanchez [00:00:21] No problem, thank you for allowing me to be on your podcast, Local Neighborhood Baby, I know we've been discussing this for quite some time and I'm so glad we're able to finally do it again. As you mentioned, I am Diane Sanchez. I'm actually a host of my own podcast called Words of Heart, which centers on mental health as well, and having a variety of conversations on different topics similar to yours. And I'm just really happy and honored to be here. And of course, you can tune into my podcast wherever you listen to your podcast, Facebook. But Facebook has podcasts now. YouTube, Spotify, Apple. You can tune in wherever you want to listen to it or watch it. I also do video interviews as well, so.

Local Neighborhood Baby [00:01:08] Super exciting and definitely worth the listen, if I do say so myself, 10 out of 10 podcasts for mental health, so definitely go check deone out. And you guys will find out more about her today because our topic centers on her life, her experience with bullying, social isolation, what that did to her mental health and how she turned it around, which is something I think all of you, including myself, can benefit from. Because how do you get to that good place and how do you avoid, you know, letting mental health illnesses when? So let's start at the beginning with your childhood and the bullying that you experienced. Can you talk a little bit about that?

Dionne Sanchez [00:01:51] Sure. So my childhood was not like most childhoods. I mean, it was a good childhood. I mean, I had parents. I mean, they got divorced when I was seven, but that didn't really affect me to any degree. I still had a good childhood that siblings I went to school, played, you know, but unfortunately, and I guess no, this one would be so unfortunate. But many people have a normal childhood mentally and physically and health wise. But for me, my coming into this world was very much different compared to others who come into this world for the first two years of my life. I couldn't hear or talk so. When it comes to being different, I was just automatically categorized as different before I can even say a word. I was just different so that eventually I did end up talking to say, I'm talking right now, so that didn't really take luckily. So as a result of my health conditions or issues or hindrances because of my birth and I had a myriad of problems, my cognitive development was really slow. So when it came to learning things, I didn't learn at the normal rate up here, my age would learn them. So to give you a concrete example, people learned how to tie their shoes at, let's say, four. I learned at seven or six. I think No. Seven is a more accurate description, so that's just an example as to how my mentality worked. And it's bad enough being different at such an early age, such as myself. I really began to feel it mentally and emotionally because even though I was put in a specialized classroom with kids who have disabilities such as I did, for some reason, I just couldn't get any friends I would. The other kids would be playing in a group with blocks altogether. And whenever my father picked me up for therapy because I did have lots of therapy as a result of my health issues, he would pick me up and he he would see me by myself playing in walks in a corner with no friends. And that became an ongoing issue through my adolescence, really up until I was getting ready to go into high school. So this was an ongoing pattern for me, not getting our socialization. And it's I mean, kids get picked on for all types of reasons. I mean, I certainly have picked on for, you know, I had glasses or I had I was just weird or I was too nice. I got picked on for a variety of reasons. But compared to how others may take bullying, I took it a lot harder because I knew I was already different than everybody else because of how I was born. And it was just saddening because I would try to reach out to people chiding Alex and Olive Bridge and say hi, and I would just say, I'm like, I'm a window they see through me. They don't acknowledge me, I'm just nothing. So that was really hard. And I mean, eventually I did go into a mainstream classroom with regular peers and had to adjust to that. But the sort of socialization aspect did not change. I still had no friends, and it was hard because as a kid, you want that community and that friendship. I probably had one best friend. Her name is Dandora. I only know her because I went to church with her. She was probably my one friend from my childhood to now. I mean, as an adult, I got friends and I eventually got that socialization, but it took a great deal of time for that to occur in my life as a child, you want that. You know, those friendships in that group and those sort of friendships sort of help you come into your own and develop your personality and evolve as a human. For me, I just had to evolve as a human by myself, and I just I couldn't get any friends. And it's bad enough that I didn't get any friends. But I also had to prove to people who that I was just as smart as all those other kids because I already was categorized as different. Even the doctors told my family that, Hey, your daughter is basically retarded, so she will never amount to anything. So I had to prove those doubters wrong, and just as I had to work twice as hard as anybody else, so I had, I had that perfect mentality going as well, which you shouldn't have to be perfect, be perfect at anything. But for me, I had to prove to a lot of people in that I was just as good as anybody else. So it was just emotionally draining, trying to work just as hard as everybody else, but also to just prove or get any type of acceptance from anybody. I had to get accepted in academics. I had to be accepted by my peers. I had to be accepted for being me, and that didn't seem that seemed nearly impossible. So I'll give you a more modern, relevant example as to how my peers accepted me growing up from when I was a little kid in that ongoing issue. I would raise my hand in class. I get a question, right? Everybody would laugh. Yet someone else would answer a question. Nobody would laugh. So that mentality was just like. And I'm going to probably cause a little. I don't cause that often, but it was like, they are like, What is wrong with me? And as that began to continue, I began to question why I was here. What on earth am I doing here? Nobody wants to be my friend. I didn't ask to be different. I, I was. This is just part of my life. This is how this is just what happened to me. So like, why am I here? Nobody wants to be my friend, so I might as well. I'm destined to be alone. I'm destined to be alone, pretty much. And I was just praying and crying because I am a Christian, so my faith was a big anchor point and keeping me stable. And so to speak. But because I had no friends, no socialization that is so fundamentally crucial in your adolescence, I'm like, OK, if I were to disappear, would anybody care? Oh, I probably had one possible suicide attempt, but I never went through with that. I would pick up a knife and I'm like, OK, what if I gave myself another cut? What if I gave myself another cut and another and another and another until? There would be no more daring, so it was just really saddening and heartbreaking because like you wonder, why is this happening to you? Why don't you have friends? I mean, it has to be something wrong with you. Like, I'm you everybody else. That's friends. I don't I have friends, so. That mentality continued from the time I was really young age, and that's a lot for a young kid to go there. I mean, you're already getting picked on for a variety of things and being bullied, but I mean. It's one thing to have glasses and be or however you want to be categorized or labeled, which I don't I don't like labels, but people put labels on you when you're a kid, so that's pretty common. But I mean, I'm it's not like I had boogers coming out of my nose or or green hair or something. I was simply rejected by my peers for simply being me. And yeah, I couldn't change that.

Local Neighborhood Baby [00:10:17] So, yeah, I mean, you know, with everything that you've described, first of all, it's it's terrible that you know, you had to over. First, I want to say to before I even get into like some of the stuff that you said that you've gone through and say, wow, for somebody who was born with a disability unable to, you know, talk. And I mean, the fact that you have a podcast now, that's amazing where you talk and talk and talk. That's amazing. But also to I mean, it's it's terrible that you had to go through so much and overcome your disabilities as well as, you know, the social rejection from your peers. You know, I think you've even in your exposition here spent a lot of it kind of justifying reasons why people shouldn't have ostracized you because you didn't have boogers in your nose and you didn't you weren't like, you know, a social pariah. But I think what it comes down to, especially with kids, is that like it's almost like ingrained in kids to reject things immediately out of hand, things that you know and people that appear to be different. And I think it continues for quite a while. And a lot of, you know, even children's TV is focused on reminding them reminding kids that being different is something to be celebrated because, you know, especially in elementary school, middle school and even a little bit into high school, because I don't think it's until high school that people start to kind of realize some kids just really pick on others that are different. You know, it depends on your community, depends on where you're at. Whatever is the most common thing, if you're different from that, then you, you know, they just completely, you know, reject you. And inevitably, kids are cruel. They always find someone to pick on. Um, so yeah, bullying is a huge issue. And it's just, yeah, it's terrible that you went through that at such a young age because those are your formative years. Right. And those are the years that it has such a huge effect on you because you truly don't understand why it's happening. You can't you can't comprehend, you know, something so simple as it's just because kids are immature. It just hurts to deal with and having people laugh at you and all these things, I mean, truly, truly awful. I'm so sorry that you went through that, but why don't you talk to us a little bit now about how you overcame, you know, all of that? And even before that, maybe like what it did to you in terms of your mental health, because I know that you mentioned that it really took a huge toll on you. And let me throw in there to that. You said that you're going to class, but you

Dionne Sanchez [00:13:18] just said the word. Yeah. So I find

Local Neighborhood Baby [00:13:21] that really funny. I find that so funny on this show. We curse a lot like I curse a lot. The audience is so used to it, and it's so funny that you said, I'm going to class and you go, damn well.

Dionne Sanchez [00:13:33] Gravity is strong to use about that, but I know you use it on your podcast all the time, so that's why I find it to be OK.

Local Neighborhood Baby [00:13:41] No, no, no. Yeah, it is 100 percent OK. I just thought you were going to say something worse than, damn, I was like, Oh, I was waiting for something good and you're like, Damn

Dionne Sanchez [00:13:51] well, I still have another damn moment in the in capsule of my adolescent childhood, so I will be sure to share that really shortly. Um, but yeah, it was really hard. Um, I'll be honest, I did not really discuss my mental health issues with my family, although I'm sure they may have been somewhat already aware of my own emotional feelings and the fact that I just and always by myself frantically. So I probably cried. Um, I would pray and I would cry. I mean, I'm a sensitive kid. Of course I'm a sensitive adult as well, but I would cry pretty heavily. Oh, I would actually probably cry to sleep most like. And I just I didn't get it, and I would pray and I would comparing God like God, why am I here? I mean, if I'm just going to be alone and was appointed me being here, what's my purpose? Is there even a reason for me to be right on this Earth, really, if it's going to be alone? So it was really difficult. And again, I did have that, just that one friend. But I mean, she ended up moving to Panama City and actually moved back to Florida. And by that time I had some. I had a painting of a man. I had friends, but I'm onto the overcoming factor. I continued on through my education, I went to middle school and I sort of had friends, but I don't know if I would consider them real friends, honestly. I think it was until I was in seventh grade, actually maybe eighth grade that I actually considered them friends. But um, I went to church. I didn't mention I'm a Christian. So here's that moment I broke from the capsule that I'm going to share with you. Um, I do. As I mentioned, I like the socialization. I wanted to try to get that community in that fellowship that I so prayed for as a child. OK, perhaps I can get interest through God, through fellowship, through community. How am I going to get it anywhere else? I am going to get in a place of love and worship. So I went to church and it took me really being in eighth grade four or even eighth grade for me, going into high school, really for anything to change socially and my life. I tried volunteering and I look what they see me. You see my face because I like I tried. I had really tried so hard. OK, if they see me, if I'm around, perhaps they acknowledge me for I have some good friends. Like I tried every hat of the trick to try to get friends and get what I've prayed for since I was a young child. So I tried. There was a small group and this is not a suspect, any church or demographic. This is just an experience that occurred to me that hit me pretty deeply. In a small group setting. There is a small group leader and about five or 10 kids around you, and they will share something vulnerable. What's bothering them? And then the leader would either share some questions pertaining to what they just shared or as some biblical prince will do it and try to give an answer pertaining to that issue through scripture. And that's usually how it works. So I would share something one or both. And this is where this man I absolutely wish this memory didn't exist, but it does. Um, I would get ready to share something vulnerable, and it was very, very common, unfortunately, to the point where I was not very chatty after this point, when it comes to me being in that particular small group. Eventually, I did break out of that when I got older and went to high school groups. But this was middle school, really fragile. I had no friends. I would get ready to speak and be vulnerable, and then someone without fail in the would interrupt me. And that small group leader, instead of telling it that bluntly, Hey, this girl was talking, let her finish. I did end up being a small group leader after a certain point, after I finally got into my own orbit instead of telling that young woman to stop. She would continue working since she will continue a separate conversation with the person. I interrupted me and I would be like, Damn, oh OK, I'll try and be vulnerable here. And I just got cut off. So it's like, wow, like, this is never going to change for me. So I got older. I was in eighth grade but headed to high school. Yay! High School, a new school, a new chance for me to be humiliated when no friends. But luckily for me, that wasn't the case. Some of the older kids were like, Oh, let's all there this youth camp coming up, are you coming? And they were really trying to get me to go, and I was really stubborn and resistant. Not that I had anything against. I'm going there and getting closer to God, because that's really important to me. However, it would be the aftermath coming back from the camp, which is really what bothered me and b that totally rocked my mental health to the same degree as when I was a kid. When you go to these youth camps, you are cut off from technology. You are in a different environment. You can't watch TV or MTV or anything. You have to be in complete fellowship and connection with other believers and worship God and get close to God. So you had no choice but to communicate with people. So I'm like, Okay, yeah, I have friends. They have to talk to me. They have no choice. However, the second at camp will end and you'll get back to reality. Nothing has changed. I'm invisible again. They don't know me. They never heard of me. It's like we didn't spend a week in camp together. So I'm like, Okay, why would I want to put myself through that again? We're like, No, no, no, you should go. You should go. So I went, I'm like, Okay, go get closer to God. Have a better idea of a God. And then I'll come home. I wasn't expecting much change to come from it, except be closer to God. And of course, when I come home, nothing would be different. But in that instant, I was say, and I fully fully believe this. This change the trajectory of my entire life from that moment and going to that Pacific camp, and I want to say it was 2001 and 2010. I was just about going to high school. The final, now one of the final nights on the topic was the Holy Spirit. And from my perspective, my interpretation as far as describing it, because many people interpret it differently. I felt it rushing an overpowering sense of love and grace. I felt so much love and grace in that precise moment that I fell on my knees, which is really biblical thing to do for what I believe in is really common. When you do feel an overpowering sense of love and grace and mercy from God, I fell on my knees in tears. I felt like that was my opinion. You moment like I do have a purpose. I shouldn't kill myself because people would miss me and people were praying over me and crying over me. And I go there and we do care about you. Do love you. And that moment pretty much changed everything, and I'm gradually shaking. I can't believe I'm shaking. Describing this girl was, I guess, it was like 2010 2011. It's only twenty two now. That changed everything because I, my mental health was really, really, really, really low because I just I didn't have any friends. I had no fellowship. I had. I was. It was really just need God in my family, and I do love my family and they're a really good family. But I felt like their love and God's love wasn't enough for me at that time, at that moment in time until that night. So from that point forward, I had friends. I went into high school with a good head on. My shoulders felt like I had a purpose. I mean, I got involved. I did. I went into clubs. That journalism went out for a bit homecoming. Gore didn't win, but I got involved. I did things. I came into my own and. That was that opinion, you moment changed everything. And I hadn't had a suicidal thoughts thought since, except and I'll mention this because it's sort of vital to my story in a way. On the last, the last time I had a suicide thought I was experiencing symptoms of diabetes. I didn't know symptoms of diabetes, but I was in so much suffering and pain that my mental health and my mental health went on vacation like I was so, so depressed and sad, like I was a skeleton. My body was basically eating itself from the inside out. I, though there's a medical term to describe that particular phenomenon, but I don't know how to pronounce it. So I'm just going to call it what it is. My body was eating itself like no nutrients was getting into my body. If there was, it wouldn't be thrown up in two seconds like everything was coming out. There was nothing in my body, so it was saddening because I didn't know what was happening to me. I could have died. I could turn into does. Keeping in mind, this is 2019, right before the year we were all dreading and I absolutely hate, which no disrespect bad because trust me, I want to hate 2020 too. But it was just a depressing time and I was in so much pain that I actually yelled at my father, who was trying to help me. I was there was a milkshake or a protein shake because they thought the best idea was to get as much food inside of me as possible, which we didn't know at the time was actually making it worse. I'm like, Oh, my feeling is he was angry, I was frustrated, and I'm like, Oh, instead of shoving this shade down my throat as you shove a knife down my throat and I'm like, I just inevitably freaked out because that was the first was that thought I had since I was a middle schooler. And that was like 10 or soon to be 10 years ago or 12 years ago. And I was just freaking out because I was in pain. Like I thought I could die. Like, This is my last time I go to sleep. I don't wake up in the morning. And it was just a really unfortunate time. But luckily, through my diagnosis, I did get diagnosed with diabetes, which would be two years ago, which means two years into this pandemic, I saw that diagnosis as a blessing in my mental health eventually be returned and came back to normal. Although I will mention this when I got the news, I didn't talk to anybody. I didn't mention it on Facebook. I'm merely a social person. I was just quiet. Everyone was asking me, like, How am I doing? And I would say I was OK, but quite honestly, I would lie because it was just I handled this news as a blessing, but it was still a lot for me to take in mentally because this is now a part of my life, like this isn't common in my family, or at least I didn't know it was common in my family as I was processing this news. There was only one person in my life that had diabetes, which was my best friend, Andrew, who I mentioned early on in this conversation. So she was helpful in that respect, but she's also works and has a son and a fiance. As if the answer is so I can't really rely on her for everything, or at least I try not to. So it was a lot for me to process. I didn't say anything. I didn't talk to anybody for two months. This was January to February. For two months, I didn't say really anything. I didn't even go out. But we were in the midst of a pandemic also said that, but I didn't go to school. I took a break from school when I got the news. I was also in school while I could have died at any given moment. But I did pass my classes while I was sick. I still can't believe that was even possible, but it was, and it was a lot to process. So the first time I did go out was March. I felt like I was coming. I felt like me again. I was ready to go out. I was OK with going out and not worrying about my blood sugar so much because it was seemed like a time I would go out. It would spike. So I'm like, Okay, let me just stay home, then go out. So this I only went out. Once I remember this distinctly, I went out once and then bam. The whole world decided to shut down here in Florida, and I just I laughed because I finally feel like me again. I finally go out. After months, months of staying home because I basically social distance before that was even a thing for my own need to process my news, I go out, the whole world decides to shut down. And I had to go back to isolating and I was still processing this news and. I know now I have to process this news and in quarantine, and so I'm really fortunate, Brazil, because if it wasn't for Zoom, I would have probably went back to that emotional spiral that I had when I was a kid of no socialization. Zoom, fortunately, provided that socialization in some aspect. And if it wasn't for me being diagnosed with diabetes, it wouldn't have led to me launching my podcasts. That saying, I guess. And they talk a lot, so I am so sorry.

Local Neighborhood Baby [00:29:02] Oh no, I mean, you're fine. You know, sometimes like obviously you need to get these things out in this show, you know, stress depressed and anxious is about emotions that lend themselves to those kinds of experiences. So. Yeah. I mean, you've you've gone through a lot. It's very clear. And the emotion in your voice tells me that it's something that's still. You know, to this day, very painful for you to process, even though you are, in a sense, in a better place than you were before. But yeah, I mean that still a lot and. It's it's amazing to know, too, that like you were able to overcome, you know, thoughts of suicide and loneliness is a really funny thing. I've mentioned it a couple of times on the podcast, the really funny thing, because, you know, the more obviously when you're lonely, you're wanting people around you and you're wanting to have friends and all these different things. But the more lonely are there are something about lonely people that like puts people off. You know, there's certain there's a certain desperation in their eyes or just certain, you know, 10 minutes to a lonely person that inevitably makes people want to stay away from them. So it's it's it's terrible to be lonely in a way. And yeah, especially when you're,

Dionne Sanchez [00:30:34] oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you.

Local Neighborhood Baby [00:30:35] I know. Go ahead.

Dionne Sanchez [00:30:37] It is so funny because the second I felt like me again and this is actually in the pandemic, the world immediately shut down, so I had no choice but to be in isolation away from people. And the thing is for me, because I'm part of that statistical factor, which I hate, or at least at that time, it's no longer an issue because I'm vaccinated and have a booster. But my chance of survival because I have diabetes and alone. Although immune system, because of my birth, I am likely not to survive the virus or if I get it, I'm done. And so but the goal from the fact that I was ready to be with people again, to be social, to be me again and then everything gets shut down is just as messed up. It's messed up because at that point in time, I really had no choice but to be in quarantine myself. But again, Zoom is a really wonderful tool. So. It wasn't entirely alone, but it it sucked because I already spent a good two months. Quarantining without no shut down now, I really had no choice, so my if it wasn't for Zoom, my mental health definitely would have been shaken pretty severely because from because I'm used to that mentality of being alone, and I don't want to have to experience the isolation because I experienced enough of that as a kid. So why would I want to put myself there as an adult? I mean, I'm I'm so acclimated to periods of being by myself because everyone has their own life. But and that moment time, I was not OK with that. Like, I'm I'm newly diabetic. I need to be out. I need to be social, I need to be me. I need to know that I'm still me, like, Okay, I'm this now, but I'm still me. So this pandemic has been a bitch for a lot of people.

Local Neighborhood Baby [00:32:51] Yeah, absolutely. It's so interesting to hear your story because, you know, in a lot of ways like it's easily relatable to a lot of people. Feelings of loneliness, feelings of being ostracized. Feelings of, you know, being bullied and feeling, you know, that you're apart from your peers and all these different themes that I think a lot of people can resent can resonate with a lot of people. But it's so interesting to me personally because. The aspect of like wanting friends so badly. Is particularly like puzzling in my own mind, right? I think it makes sense in one way, like, who wouldn't want friends, you know what I mean? Like, everybody wants somebody to be able to talk with laugh with. It makes life enjoyable. But. It's crazy the way that the way that you grow up, how it affects you. I mean, from such a young age for me. My parents have been saying over and over and over again things like, Oh, what is a friend like, who needs a friend like, who cares about friends? And they said stuff like that over and over again, and they encouraged me and my siblings to place a very low value on friendships. They they highly emphasize the friendships, even when you have them come and go. Friends are a revolving door. They can be great to have, but don't, you know, plan your life around them. And they were always, always, always like, you know, saying these things again and again and again. And I think it contributed to me thinking that way. And not only that, it could be just a personality thing, too. But like, I never found myself, and of course, our situations are vastly different, right? And you went through a lot of things that would, you know, I don't know, probably make you want to again feel like you are accepted by your peers, especially having just abilities. But I was very like I said, so much of my childhood like wanting people to leave me alone, like I didn't want to be bothered. I wanted people to leave me alone. I had friends, but I didn't care, you know, too. I had a lot of boundaries, too, that I didn't want to cross. I was very particular about who I wanted to be friends with, even that I remember even dating back to kindergartners five years old, and I was very specific about who I wanted to be friends with, and it was based on nothing more than a vibe. You know, like, I felt like I a certain vibe from a person, you know, I was always very intuitive, so I felt a certain vibe from a person. I didn't want to hang out with them. Another person, I might want to hang out with them because they felt a certain vibe from them that they're just like, made me feel comfortable. And I was very like, like that. Very exclusive, very particular. I never bullied anybody. I never, you know, and I think anybody who bullies someone, that's something in insecurity that you have something that, you know, that's not good within yourself, that you're putting out there to the world. But yeah, I was very like now. And even again, even the friends I did have, I was kind of like, you know, like whatever, like, it was very fluid for me. I was like, you know, we're having a good time together. But like if next week, if I switched towns, if I moved like, no problem, I was never very particularly attached to friends. So it's so interesting to hear you say that over and over again in your story, which again, is very different from mine. But like, you know how important it was and is for you to have that social interaction for you to have friends at that age and even, you know, still into your adulthood? It's just so much because it's like, that's like my I enjoy having friends again. Don't get me wrong, like if you're my friend out there like, I love you, I enjoy having a friend. But like it was, is so low on my list of like what I want and in my life. So it's again, it's so interesting to hear your story because I'm like, Damn, like, you know? Some people have them and they'll give a crap about them, and some people don't have them and it's like, you know, such like a prevalent thing in their lives. Yeah, that's crazy.

Dionne Sanchez [00:37:30] Yeah, my life has been nothing but easy. First, I got hear a dog when I was born, OK? And I have to get through all those hurdles and prove everybody around. Do you still feel

Local Neighborhood Baby [00:37:44] sorry for yourself in some way?

Dionne Sanchez [00:37:47] Um, I want to say I feel sorry for myself, but I do find it a little annoying. Oh, OK, I'm still here. I do find it annoying that I had to overcome so much had to put in a thing as if I was just as much as everybody else. So I just felt just like how I chose rejection and isolation and lack of socialization or being different or harder. I took failure a lot harder as well. So, so

Local Neighborhood Baby [00:38:27] you're kind of resentful about your life circumstances in a way because you're like of all people, like, why do I have to be the one who has this, this and this working against them all the like, you know, cards or chips like stacked against them and having to overcome all these things just to have a normal, simplistic, happy, healthy life? Is that kind of in line with your feelings?

Dionne Sanchez [00:38:53] Oh, little. Wolf, when I got sick as far as 2019, I felt it pretty harder than ever, it seemed like everything in my life was really fine. I had a handle on school. I knew I didn't have a job, but it seemed like I had just turned 24. And yet my life was crumbling at the very fabric, so we were practically gone and vanished. I was the skeleton. I was sick. I was just in such a horrible circumstances. Why is this happening to me? I was at that why moment, like every my life is good right now. Why is this happening to me? And again, I was probably the most depressing time of my life. And then I got the news of me being diagnosed with diabetes. Now again, I took it as a blessing, but my family was not thrilled so I can understand their resentment because of everything I went through. And now they have to go through this new health change in my adulthood, when my adulthood was supposed to be relatively normal at school, I got this and both to be good. And now to add this curveballs like, damn. She's hardly gone through all this her whole life. And now she has to go through being diabetic her whole life. And it's like, Wow. So I do find it unfair at times that. I had to go through so much and. I mean, I'm 26, I'm still living at home. Most adults, I mean, I'm sure this, I'm sure most, I'm sure some adults live at home, but I kind of take it slightly harder because I took longer to evolve and prosper in certain aspects. I probably shouldn't have had a driver's license by now, but I have a permanent by now. I probably should have had the job at 20, but I have a job now, so I do have some insecurities as to how it came about finally coming into my own or establishing some independence. But aside from that, I'm more grateful than ever that I am coming into my own, particularly at this age. Twenty five. Hey, I'm still alive. I'm not dying. That was a good birthday because the year before I could have died, but twenty 26. Now I have a lot to be grateful for and I've come far so much in my life and I have a job. I have a permit. I'm about to be done with school finally, and I'm going to. I think we're, as you may have saw this on Twitter. I'm not quite sure I'm going to be in a magazine called Women Who podcast this month that's highlighting my podcast and myself as a person. And congratulations. Thank you. Like I, my life is going in a good direction. And I would like nothing else to get in the way, but if something does get in the way and I can rely on this mantra that I've walked since twenty twenty the year we all want to hate is to be a warrior. I can handle it, though I may not like it. I am a warrior because I've faced so much and overcame so much and anything that comes my way, I can face it. So.

Local Neighborhood Baby [00:42:40] That's great. I mean, that is awesome. I love that attitude. I think that, you know, at the same time, I feel like it's important for me at least two or two me to mention, you know, you don't always have to be positive about everything that happens in your life. Life can suck. Does suck sometimes. And a lot of times, I suppose. But I think that, you know, the the only person that you can compare yourself to is yourself, because at the end of the day, you can compare yourself to your quote unquote peers all day long. But it's like comparing apples to oranges. The only accurate comparison that you can make between two things is if those two things are exactly the same, because otherwise, yeah, we're both talking about fruit, right? I mean, there's everybody around you as a human being. But again, apples to oranges, like every fruit, is different. And the makeup and anatomy and how they grow and what season. All of that stuff is completely different. So how could you possibly compare? The two doesn't make sense. The only person you can really compare yourself to is the you of yesterday, you know, because nobody has the same circumstances as you like. There could be somebody that was born with the same disability as you from the same town as you. But guess what? They don't have the same parents as you do. They don't have the same household. They don't have the same influences and read the same books or watch the same movies or go to the same places or process information exactly the same. You guys are totally different no matter how you spin it, and that's what makes people completely unique from each other. Therefore, like, you can't compare yourself. And so going through, you know what you've gone through, I would say, and I'm, you know, by no means somebody that should be giving anyone advice, but I'm just saying like, you know, think about it that way and take it in in the sense of like, it doesn't matter what age you are when you get your driver's license, it doesn't matter what age you are when you get your car. You know there is an average, OK? Most people get it at this time, but you're not most people. And not only that, that's not a bad thing. You know, everybody's different. There are tons of people out there that still don't know how to drive, and they could be way past their 20s. And there's all different circumstances were all different. You shouldn't feel bad. You should be made to feel bad. You shouldn't let anybody make you feel bad because I know that, you know, people can be horrible. You know, there's tons of horrible people out there and things they say are hurtful. But at the same time, too, it's like you. Nobody can make you feel inferior unless you give them permission to make you feel inferior. We all go through bullying, not we all. I shouldn't say that not everybody went through bullying, but some people have gone through bullying. A lot of people have gone through bullying. And to me, I'm like, you know, at the end of the day, it's up to what you believe because the only reason why it hooks into you and it hurts is because you already believe it about yourself. You already felt coming into the door that you were different and you know, you felt that you just felt that like that way and you had that insecurity of so when somebody acted or said something in a way of like, Oh, you're different. That's why it hurt. It hurt because you believe it when you don't believe it. Like if somebody says something. Yeah, it's annoying that they said, Yeah, you know, it's it's not fun to be bullied, whatever, but you don't believe it doesn't hooking you like you don't take it with you and say, OK, I believe that about myself. It's like more like, Screw that, I wish you guys leave me alone, you know, so you already believe it about yourself. And that's, I think, where the work is to be done. I no longer believe this about myself. I don't give a shit how long it takes me to get a license or graduated from school or learn how to do this or learn how to do that. This is my life and nobody's going to live it for me, and I don't care what they say. You know, like and that's that's I feel like the ideal, you know, approach to living life for anybody. That's how I get through the day. Like, you can't tell me anything about myself because you're not me and you didn't have my life and you didn't live my life and you didn't walk on my shoes. And I don't even care if we have 50 bajillion things in common. You're not a clone of me. So therefore, like, you can never compare yourself to me, ever, you know, like, that's just that's how I've I've been able to process a lot of things. I think I caught an episode not too long ago that everybody will hear soon, too. And one of the things I said on there was like, I remember, you know, jealous girls in middle school. They were really jealous because I got a lot of male attention because I developed at an early age. My boobs were like huge middle school. You know, where I know, like a lot of the girls around me, like weren't developed. And so, you know, because of that, I got a lot of unwanted attention from like, you know, little gross adolescent boys, right? And a lot of girls were jealous is. Resolved, they got really catty and they will try to like, you know, say things to me and like that my parents and things like that. And I was like, You cannot tell me anything because like my grandma growing up, she was one of the women that I really looked up to. She was always like, You look exactly like me. You know, you're like, Um, you're like a mini me. You look exactly like me. You're so beautiful. All these things. It's I grew up always thinking that and always feeling that about myself. So if anyone had anything to say, it was like, Screw you like, I am beautiful. I was like, my grandmother. My grandmother is beautiful. So thereby you can't tell me anything. And on top of that, I care. I don't care at all. Like what you think? Like what do what do I care what you feel about, you know me? What are you going to do for my life? Nothing. And that was more like my response, right? And because of that, it made it really extremely hard to do any sort of bullying to me growing up as well because I was like, not like a person who was going to sit there in the corner, like I would stand up for myself if anybody said anything. And before long it was like not a thing unless a girl wanted to fight. Or, you know, like nobody was saying anything to me because it's not fun, bullying somebody that doesn't believe what you're saying about themselves like it? How can you possibly be fun? Because they don't. They're not quiet. You don't feel the point of bullying. Somebody is to feel powerful. You feel good about the bullies, the people bully. You know, other people makes them feel better about themselves because you feel powerful, like I can make you be quiet and shut up and, you know, go in a corner and cry because I said this about you. That's the only way it's fun. But if you don't believe what they're saying about you, then it's no longer fun, like they no longer feel superior to you. So, you know, that's just my take.

Dionne Sanchez [00:49:35] It's a wonderful take. I can understand bullies trying to empower themselves by bringing you down.

Local Neighborhood Baby [00:49:44] Yeah, they don't even realize that's what they're doing because they're so stupid. But that is what they're trying to do. That is that they're trying to do. So, yeah, I mean, just don't compare yourself, because again, like like you said, you got me in, perhaps, you know, a woman's podcasting magazine, you have your things together, you're in school, you're trying your best. I mean, why go through the frustration of comparing yourself to somebody who has such a different life than you do? Such a different set of challenges and grew up totally different from you and had different parents and different siblings and different family influence and different genetics? Like why compare yourself to that person that's just doing mental work that you don't need to do? It's just kind of like as far as for me, that's Ian from, you know, elementary school to now I'm doing great.

Dionne Sanchez [00:50:40] Yeah. You know. Right. I had to give myself any advice when I see everybody give my advice to my younger self now, as she would probably be in disbelief. Like all this, CNN is a bad ass. I love you. Exactly.

Local Neighborhood Baby [00:50:57] Exactly like she made it. Like what? Why would I be upset about that? And you know, you should see yourself with value and as a person that, like, I'm fun to hang out with, you know what I mean? Like, I'm fun to hang out with. I'm a good time to hang out with. I make people laugh like it's always fun hanging out with me because the value that you place on yourself is a value that other people place on you. You know, and that's the other part. Two people value your friendship because not only because of what you could do for them or how you feel, it's also like how you value yourself. You know, if you don't see yourself as being of value and you're just like, I hope that they're my friend like. I feel like most people in that situation, they're not going to crave your friendship or value it as much as they should, it should be like, you know, you should tell yourself, look in the mirror and tell yourself, look like I'm a great friend to have. I'm a fun friend to have. I make people laugh like, I have a good time. I'm cool, I'm dope, I'm this and that. I have a lot going for myself. So that's why it's up to you, my friend. And if you are my friend like, you're lucky, you mean right?

Dionne Sanchez [00:52:07] It's just me being 23, it actually except myself for where I am at this point, and I fine,

Local Neighborhood Baby [00:52:15] and that's fine. You had a different set of challenges. Doesn't matter if you were 53 before you accepted yourself, you accepted yourself, you know, like, that's the win, you know? It doesn't matter how long it took you, you've done it and you continue to do it every single day because it is a fight to continuously accept yourself. Forgive yourself, you know, have grace for yourself. Like if you had a friend, would you talk to your friend the way that you talk to yourself, you know, and thinking, like, Oh, what's wrong with you? Like, why can't you just get this together? Why can't you just do this? Or why don't you just, you know, why can't you be like this? Like, you wouldn't say that to your friend and you should be a friend to yourself, you know? And the same way that you would be encouraging to a friend and be like, No, it's fine. Like, No, you're OK. Like, at least you did it like, that's the same way that you should be talking to yourself, because that's self-love. And I'm only saying this because, you know, I recently had a talk about self-love, and I feel like I've benefited from it, and I'm just sharing that with you. Am I perfect with that by any means? No. I literally had an episode the other day come out called Why are you hitting yourself? You know how kids will say, why hitting yourself? It's called that because like, I talk about, you know, a lot of the self-hatred that I do with, you know, ironically. And so but I wanted people to know, like, this stuff happens. It's a real thing, and we have to overcome it together. I think that's what it's about. So I hope that, like you, you know, are able to realize that your peers, whoever like, OK, you know, like they're human beings, but they're not you, nobody to you. And it doesn't matter if something takes you 50, 60 years to do. It's your life. You're only doing things at your own pace in everybody's different and you don't fit into a box. And that's OK. Like, people fit into a box are boring.

Dionne Sanchez [00:54:08] It is true, and I emphasize that on plenty of episodes of my own.

Local Neighborhood Baby [00:54:14] I know it's hard taking your own advice, right? Yeah.

Dionne Sanchez [00:54:17] Yeah, it is hard taking it. But yeah, I can talk to any of the advice of the wazoo on my own podcast, but it's like I do. And we take it.

Local Neighborhood Baby [00:54:30] Yeah, put it into practice, you know, put sticky notes on your mirror and, you know, say these things to yourself because it's true. It's all true things, you know, and that voice in your head that's telling you different is just lying to you. And that's a part of mental health illnesses. When you are depressed, when you're sad, when you're stressed out, when you're anxious, that voice in your head, you know, is the illness is lying to you that make you feel like you're less than somebody else. How could you be less than somebody else? It doesn't make any sense, you know, like, right? So that's my point of view, and that's my hope for you. And you've had a hard life. Life is continuously hard, especially through this pandemic. Plenty of people, I'm sure that are listening are socially isolated. Could be some of you guys listening that have COVID, you know, that are not feeling well and are tuning in because you're bored and you have nothing else to do for the next ten days or something. But like to all those people listening out there, I think that it's important to note that like somebody like you, Dionne, who's overcome all those things like that's inspirational, and that should let other people who are listening know that you can overcome a lot of things, too. And personally, I don't place a high value on friends. You can get friends any time, OK? Like, there's always a group of people or always a person or always whatever that could be out there that could be nice and talk to you, but be your own friend first, be your own friend first. I mean, you said you're religious. Look what happened to Jesus? He had his 12 friends and they start that some of them stabbed him in the back. Like, sometimes it might be better to roll solo. I'm telling you like, you know, because some of these people will sell you out. And it's not about quantity. It's definitely about quality when it comes to fire. That's why I've always discriminated, you know, like who can who can be my friend and who can't be. It wasn't about how somebody looks or where they're from or anything like that. For me, it was just a vibe like if your soul. In my soul, I get along whatever feeling that I have in my body is telling me that, you know, this person is is cool, like, that's what I go with. And I also am very cautious because I don't trust people I never have. So very cautious when it comes to who I let into my circle and into my life. And I'm about quality when it comes to friendships. If I, you know, feel like I can't talk to, you can't trust, you can't everything like, I don't know. I definitely have a set of criteria when it comes to friendships. I don't let everybody be my friend. I can know a lot of people I don't associate with them, though I don't talk to them like that. So like, you know, because people will stab you in the back. Um, so yeah, quality over quantity. Forget that when it comes to having a lot of friends, please. Fair weather, friends. That's that's a whole other thing, you know, they're they're one of the things are going great and you're partying, you're having a good time like you talked about with their camp and stuff like that. You went away to camp there when you know whatever. And then if things go wrong, like you look up and they're not there, those are just people that are there for the good time, like they're not there for you if you have good, solid friendships that people care about you. And yeah.

Dionne Sanchez [00:58:05] I'm still here, just think of what else to say.

Local Neighborhood Baby [00:58:08] No, no, it's fine. I mean, I think you've said it all. I think you said a lot about your life and we can learn we can all learn a lot from it. And with that, I think that's a good place to close. So why don't you tell everyone again where they can find your podcast and any other plugs that you kind of want to share with everyone?

Dionne Sanchez [00:58:26] Sure. Again, my name is Dan Sanchez. I'm the host of the words of our podcast. They can find my podcast on Facebook, where it's part podcast. That is the Facebook page. You can also find it on YouTube under the same name and wherever you listen to your podcasts, Apple, Spotify and Google. Don't hesitate to tune in to an episode or watch an episode. I do do video interviews pretty frequently, and I'm also going to be featured in a podcast magazine that gives you any more reason to check it out. I like to make people's voices known. If my story has told you anything I do understand about the world silencing your voice and my podcast specifically. I like it to be an open form of comfort and acceptance. The world may silence your voice, but I'm not going to silence you. And yeah, feel free to check out my podcast. Words are part and thank you again for having me. Neighborhood Baby. This was an awesome conversation.

Local Neighborhood Baby [00:59:40] Truly an honor. And thank you for coming on the show.

Dionne Sanchez [00:59:46] No problem. Bye other babies in the Universe I.