SoberNotMature - Episode 195 (This Is The Little One 'Lizabeth)

00:00:01.81
Bill
All right, everyone. Welcome once again to another episode of Sober Not Mature. I get two things to start out with. One, the most important one.

00:00:12.33
Bill
Welcome back, my friend. Welcome back.

00:00:13.77
Mike
Oh, why, thank you. Yes, I actually made it this week.

00:00:17.98
Bill
You know what? And the thing of it is, and um I had a a wonderful conversation with with Megan. Same thing. Had ah obviously a guest on there and everything went smooth and um very interesting. And it was funny because she had a note on Instagram today, I think, because I tagged her on one of the one of the clips today.

00:00:36.59
Bill
And she said, you know, thank you again for, um ah for our winding conversation. I just kind of laughed because like, that really is what it was.

00:00:41.22
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:00:43.39
Bill
I mean, we talked about ah like almost everything, you know, I mean, just in, in these different ways, like we always do.

00:00:47.06
Mike
Right.

00:00:49.39
Bill
mean, that's what I put up. Like, that's, that's pretty much exactly, and that is, that that's, that's what this is.

00:00:52.13
Mike
That's what this is.

00:00:56.12
Bill
So, so um yeah, I mean, obviously welcome back. And I knew that it, it again, it's not a big deal and,

00:01:00.94
Mike
Well, welcome back to you.

00:01:02.35
Mike
Yeah.

00:01:03.03
Bill
Well, but so here's here's the thing.

00:01:03.33
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:01:05.01
Bill
That's number two, okay?

00:01:05.97
Mike
yeah

00:01:06.92
Bill
um I beat you on something else, okay? So for anyone who doesn't know, um I beat Mike to the first heart attack. Okay.

00:01:17.40
Mike
Official anyway.

00:01:18.75
Bill
Yeah, official. Exactly. So, um yeah. And no shit. That's that's not a fucking joke. um I had what they and I'll go into it later. I mean, we we want to do a reading and all that stuff. But um and I'll read the definition because I had a fucking heart attack. OK, but um but yeah, I mean, it was two and a half weeks ago now, the weekend of October.

00:01:37.81
Bill
25th is when it happened.

00:01:39.50
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:01:40.89
Bill
And then we had guests on for a couple of weeks that didn't really have a chance to um to talk about mean, obviously, clearly by Mike knew.

00:01:45.43
Mike
Right. Yes, I knew. Right.

00:01:48.04
Bill
That's part of the story.

00:01:48.59
Mike
Right. Right.

00:01:48.83
Bill
but and But here's here's the thing. I want to talk about it not for, um I posted nothing on social media on purpose.

00:01:54.04
Mike
right

00:01:55.29
Bill
um I haven't talked about it. um on my personal Facebook page, on Instagram, anything like that.

00:02:00.23
Mike
right

00:02:00.62
Bill
And that is literally on purpose and by design because I don't, if other people out there want to announce their events and stuff like that, I have nothing against it.

00:02:08.75
Mike
see

00:02:09.10
Bill
I'm not that person. Okay.

00:02:10.42
Mike
right

00:02:10.59
Bill
So, um but I thought, you know what? I want to talk about it on here because I think that I've got a couple of points I'd like to present. I was going to say make, but points I'd like to present.

00:02:18.30
Mike
and Okay. Mm-hmm.

00:02:20.90
Bill
And I think that um this has to do with, ah this could be surrounded in sobriety. So I think it, I think it'll be, I think it'll be topical and plus on top of it.

00:02:26.82
Mike
Sure.

00:02:29.77
Bill
Hey, just in case anyone's wondering, I mean, know we're doing some teasers here, but spoiler alert, I fucking lipped.

00:02:32.09
Mike
Hehehehe.

00:02:35.10
Bill
Okay. This is not, is this is not pre-recorded.

00:02:36.29
Mike
Hehehehe.

00:02:38.21
Bill
This is not like they used to do with the news cycles, you know, Hey, by the way, Bill had a heart attack. yeah And then he just plays it like, those no, seriously, you fucking did. He's dead. He's no longer here. That was, that was prerecorded from a month ago.

00:02:47.61
Mike
Right. Uh-huh.

00:02:50.53
Bill
But, um but yeah, so, I mean, I got, again, I got some things and, you know, I don't know if this is going to be surprising to anyone. I know not to you, but um I found some humor in this whole thing. Those couple of days that I was in the hospital and it's just, it's so fucked up now that we have this podcast and it's, it's been like this ever since we've had it is that,

00:03:00.58
Mike
Right.

00:03:06.64
Mike
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

00:03:09.50
Bill
And I've heard the people, the guys on the morning show talking about this. They're like, it doesn't matter how fucked up something goes or how weird something goes. like, this is going to make for a goddamn good story on the radio.

00:03:18.61
Mike
Right?

00:03:18.91
Bill
And I always think that, damn, this is, this gives me conversations, you know, and some of it was funny and some of it was just, you know, it just is what it is.

00:03:19.06
Mike
Right? Right. Hmm. Nah. All

00:03:26.07
Bill
So, um, but yeah, yeah you welcome back.

00:03:26.42
Mike
right.

00:03:29.26
Mike
this

00:03:30.57
Bill
I was officially, I wasn't out. I got, I got a couple of freebies.

00:03:32.86
Mike
right

00:03:33.48
Bill
I'll i'll talk to you. I'll talk about that.

00:03:34.34
Mike
e

00:03:34.92
Bill
But I, I did, I got a couple of freebies, but I was never out. I was never out completely out. So um I could have still, if I was the, if I was the president, I could have still been running the country the entire time.

00:03:39.24
Mike
e

00:03:43.99
Bill
Cause I wasn't down.

00:03:44.34
Mike
ah

00:03:45.47
Bill
I wasn't, wasn't down.

00:03:45.43
Mike
all right he

00:03:47.72
Bill
And knowing that fucking moron, I could probably run the company, but I don't know.

00:03:50.23
Mike
Well, yes, right.

00:03:51.00
Bill
Country, not company.

00:03:53.41
Mike
That's far better.

00:03:54.06
Bill
It's a, it's a low, it's a low bar.

00:03:55.99
Mike
Very low.

00:03:56.05
Bill
Yeah.

00:03:57.75
Mike
are. Mm hmm. Right.

00:03:59.44
Bill
But anyhow, so um so yeah, we're we're recording on ah on a Wednesday, as it turns out, which we can talk about because Mike has like yeah some plans this weekend.

00:04:03.27
Mike
we are

00:04:06.78
Bill
i do too, not until Sunday, but um yeah, we can we can get to all that.

00:04:07.11
Mike
listen

00:04:10.26
Bill
But yeah, I'll get into my story maybe after the break. We can we can do our reading and you know see see how things go and in whatever, and we might be.

00:04:13.45
Mike
ah

00:04:18.30
Mike
right

00:04:19.80
Bill
Mike's had a long day, I get it.

00:04:21.06
Mike
yeah

00:04:21.41
Bill
It's just as random on a Wednesday, so we might we might run a little bit shorter than what we normally do, but we'll see how, i don't know, who knows, we'll see how things go as we go along, so.

00:04:26.66
Mike
is right all right i'm done goodbye no we're back we're gone

00:04:32.73
Bill
Yeah, exactly. I just, I just, yeah, I'll just tell, I'll just tell my fucking heart attack story, so.

00:04:39.45
Mike
Right. No, no, no. Anyway, now, but so we got a thing here. Yes, it's it's been ah it's been, whatever, man. Work's been busy as hell. I've been pulling 13, 12, 13-hour days. Today was short. It was only 11.

00:04:53.06
Mike
So, right. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

00:04:55.45
Bill
it And you it's funny as I brought that up in last week's episode, because I said that I was telling Megan about that um and just kind of reminding everyone, because it was a few months ago when, you know, whenever that they had that meeting and, you know, we're telling you guys that, hey, whether it was economy or whatever the deal was, that things might be slowing down.

00:05:07.62
Mike
Yeah. Mm-hmm.

00:05:11.22
Bill
And i I was telling Megan, I'm like, the funniest thing is I said, they're, they fucking work them harder now than they used to, you know, like, go figure, you know.

00:05:11.32
Mike
Right.

00:05:15.52
Mike
Yeah.

00:05:19.72
Mike
Yep. Uh-huh. Yeah, they must have heard I was half Hebrew. Anyway, I can make that joke.

00:05:24.19
Bill
ha

00:05:27.16
Mike
Half of me can make that joke.

00:05:27.58
Bill
Right. Yeah, exactly.

00:05:29.10
Mike
All right. All right. Yeah, so a reading. um Yeah, I kind of randomly cracked open the book and... Is this the one I want? Yeah, this is the one I want. um Yeah, I don't know.

00:05:42.79
Mike
Again, i'm I'm running on fumes and it's it's all good. But here we are with 90% showing up.

00:05:49.41
Bill
Right.

00:05:49.98
Mike
right Yeah, that other 10% is already in bed.

00:05:50.19
Bill
Right.

00:05:52.87
Mike
All right. So this is ah June 25th. It's not completely horrible. So here we go. um All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.

00:06:09.41
Mike
Some guy named Havelock Ellis. Don't know. Google him yourself if you care. right. Um, our addiction led us to let go of everything important to us and hold on to our alcohol and drugs.

00:06:24.37
Mike
Now that we are sober, we can do it the other way around. We can let go of alcohol and drugs and the other things that make us sick. And we can hang on to the things that help us get well and stay healthy.

00:06:38.39
Mike
Oh, what should we let go of as we learn to live in recovery? Alcohol and drugs, cravings, shame, fear, being stubborn, big egos, having to be in control of outcomes, having to be in control of other people.

00:06:57.78
Mike
What should we hang on to Our sponsor, our 12-step group, our higher power, the process of working the steps, our values, our faith, love, our dignity and self-esteem, routines and rituals that keep us healthy.

00:07:16.46
Mike
Prayer for the day. Higher power. Founding the right balance of letting go and holding on isn't easy. Please help me today. Today's action.

00:07:27.37
Mike
Damn it, we got to do stuff. Am I a person who has more trouble letting go or more trouble hanging on? i will talk about this with my sponsor or my friend.

00:07:40.34
Mike
he

00:07:40.91
Bill
how about How about I will talk about it on my podcast?

00:07:43.56
Mike
Yes, there you go.

00:07:45.46
Bill
So, and and I do, I remember bits and pieces of that one because I mean, it's it's good in a lot of ways because, and I wrote down some of the, where it said things to let go and then things to hold on to is just too much shit for me to write down.

00:07:58.09
Bill
But um so I guess let let's start there though.

00:07:58.27
Mike
Right.

00:08:00.67
Bill
Do you think you're, do you have an issue or do you think you're better, worse, or indifferent on either one of those, letting go or hanging on to shit?

00:08:08.47
Mike
um Right. Um, right. Um, um, kind of right. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yes.

00:08:17.89
Bill
Right.

00:08:18.02
Mike
Um, no, I, I, um, I think, you know, ah clearly I am far better at hanging on to the things I need to hang on to and letting go of the things that I need to let go of today that I was, you know, 16 years ago. um Yeah, you know, um yeah, I mean, again, yeah, I'm pretty good at hanging on to the shit I need to and letting go the things I i don't.

00:08:46.57
Mike
um Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty good at it. yeah

00:08:53.79
Bill
You know, and it actually when i when I asked that question, I thought about that. And you can, ah like like it was in the reading, those things can be flipped around back and forth.

00:09:00.77
Mike
Right.

00:09:00.97
Bill
So they're there's the good letting go and there's the good hanging on. There's the bad letting go and the bad hanging on.

00:09:04.22
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:09:05.73
Bill
So um I think I can have, I think i'm I'm about even on both of them too, but I think I can go either direction.

00:09:05.98
Mike
Right.

00:09:12.54
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:09:13.91
Bill
There are things every once a while, the things that I don't i don't hang on to anymore are resentments. I mean, that's the biggest one, you know.

00:09:21.60
Mike
Right. Right.

00:09:23.00
Bill
And, and I, if I start to, to have one fester, i I can feel it, you know, not only did it, do I know it when, you know, when I, again, whatever the situation is, I see it and I'm like, or, you know, this thing, ah or this person or whatever it is, but I, I recognize that emotion right away.

00:09:28.43
Mike
Right.

00:09:34.76
Mike
Yeah. right

00:09:39.16
Bill
But if I, if I, even if I don't, I can feel when something's wrong, which is kind of cool, you know, almost, almost unexplainable, but very cool.

00:09:44.22
Mike
huh

00:09:46.96
Mike
yeah

00:09:47.62
Bill
you know But you know letting letting go in the past or letting go of the past, but also being able to hang on to those bits and pieces. Again, not not wanting to shut the door on the past or shut the door on the past, but keep it open just a crack.

00:10:00.06
Bill
At least I do. I mean i need to see um where I came from, where I fucked up.

00:10:04.72
Mike
Right.

00:10:05.37
Bill
um what What did I do before? I can't forget that the person that I was, or my opinion is, as we've been taught, will return to that that lovely individual person.

00:10:12.36
Mike
Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

00:10:16.15
Bill
um So I don't know. I mean, it could go different ways. I mean, I think from one of the things that if nothing else, if nothing else, ah we are at a point in our in our lives and we've made it to a point in our sobriety so far today where we're not out there fucking people up. We're out there out there fucking with people.

00:10:34.09
Mike
sir

00:10:34.14
Bill
Um, we're not out there, you know, hurting people on a daily basis. So I think that even worst case scenario, we can look at the things around us and say, okay, we're, our track record is pretty good, but if we want to really, you know, pinpoint things, maybe we both have work to do.

00:10:47.77
Bill
I know I do, but, um, like you said, I think I'm okay at both.

00:10:48.79
Mike
Sure.

00:10:51.85
Mike
Yeah, right. Exactly. Yeah.

00:10:56.42
Bill
Is, is there room for improvement? Uh, yes, always, always.

00:10:58.75
Mike
Oh, always.

00:11:00.85
Bill
yeah

00:11:03.40
Mike
Yeah. But you know, I mean, yeah. Um, I, I know I'm, I'm much better at letting go of shit that, you know, is bad for me.

00:11:14.14
Mike
Absolutely.

00:11:14.53
Bill
right

00:11:15.08
Mike
I'm way better at that than I used to be. um I'm talked about it, you know, million times on here, you know, yeah, there's a bunch of bullshit going on in my life. Trust me, I'm not hanging on to it. I'm, I'm walking away as quickly as I possibly can.

00:11:30.84
Bill
right

00:11:31.09
Mike
Um, birth so yeah, you know, ah thanks to AA and in the program and the steps and whatever powers that are greater than myself. Um, yeah, I'm, I'm fucking way better at it. And, and, then As a consequence, quite much happier than I used to be.

00:11:51.48
Bill
Imagine that, right?

00:11:52.24
Mike
I know.

00:11:54.40
Bill
You know, it's funny when, um and I had a couple couple of things I'll bring up later with this this whole incident. um You know, i had ah I had a couple of revelations about, you know, the um things that maybe I'm not happy with and things that I'm just not going to fucking do anymore, you know?

00:12:08.37
Bill
And I mean, I didn't have i mean, i'll I'll get into it, but I mean, it goes along the same lines with this hanging on and letting go sort of thing.

00:12:14.91
Mike
Sure.

00:12:15.06
Bill
I just had these couple of couple of revelations kind of went, you know, back to when, you know, my friend Sarah died. But then there was one other kind of one other element in there, which I can talk about.

00:12:20.63
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:12:24.13
Bill
But it's you know, the the the biggest thing is in Megan was talking about that, too. And I just heard it in one of the clips um that she or one of the clips I just did for for tomorrow, and she's talking about these different things that she's doing.

00:12:35.18
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:12:37.11
Bill
And, you know, she does a lot of, I mean, her whole thing is, you know, it's Megan Swan wellness. I mean, she does this wellness stuff in a lot of different ways, not just mental wellness and coaching and all these different things and um helping, you know, women become, you know, better individuals and career minded, all sorts of things.

00:12:44.24
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:12:52.41
Bill
But they have this whole retreat stuff where they get into the whole medical side of it, um i which I didn't know her husband's a surgeon, which I had no idea.

00:12:58.58
Mike
Ah.

00:13:00.09
Bill
um She met him in and Mexico. And um actually, the way that they met was she went she took this trip to Mexico and ah was got her certificate. She was going to teach English down there and do yoga just to get by and travel.

00:13:13.76
Bill
And that's how she met her husband. She was teaching him English.

00:13:17.65
Mike
Ah, nice.

00:13:18.93
Bill
But does so now they do this whole thing, but she was talking about that and she's like, there's, there's such little things that people can do, um you know, to, to take care of themselves and take care of their, um their wellness and their being.

00:13:30.65
Bill
And, you know, in, in turn, um once again, we talk about happiness being a by-product.

00:13:31.25
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:13:35.44
Bill
If you're doing all these things and letting go of this bad negative shit and, you know, really focusing on hanging on to, to the good stuff in, in your life,

00:13:44.85
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:13:44.95
Bill
again, end result, you know, it's that, that by-product is going to be, you know, hopefully some happiness, some joy, some peace, some serenity.

00:13:51.44
Mike
Yep.

00:13:51.53
Bill
I mean, fuck, that's what the, that's the point, right? I think.

00:13:53.72
Mike
Yeah, absolutely.

00:13:56.37
Bill
But the other thing I talked about, so, um, I think it was, uh, not the middle, but maybe towards the end where it said things to let go. I talked about shame, fear, uh, stubbornness, ego, but then things to hangy hang on to.

00:14:09.09
Bill
I think it mentioned routines and a couple other things. Can you, can you see that?

00:14:12.59
Mike
Yeah, sure.

00:14:13.34
Bill
Okay.

00:14:13.40
Mike
The yes or that things to hang on to.

00:14:13.49
Bill
Okay.

00:14:15.73
Bill
Yes.

00:14:16.55
Mike
Our sponsor, of the 12-step group, our higher power, the process of working the steps, our values, our faith, love, our dignity and self-esteem, routines and rituals that keep us healthy.

00:14:29.99
Bill
Okay. And that's what the, I mean, all of that stuck, but then it was the routines and rituals that, you know, kind of, kind of got to me um for two reasons.

00:14:34.15
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:14:37.46
Bill
Number one, because I mean, that's the backbone of what you and I, you and I do. And I think that it's the, the simplest things that we do on a daily and nightly basis.

00:14:41.54
Mike
Yeah.

00:14:45.89
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:14:46.46
Bill
um But also the, it's the, the it's the little, I don't, the little threads that really hold this whole big thing together, you know, but in just a a quick side note, when I was, I was in the hospital for two nights, uh, the night going in before the procedure and then second night.

00:14:54.16
Mike
Right.

00:14:58.21
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:15:00.74
Bill
And, you know, had my phone with me. So, I mean, that's where my, all my readings are.

00:15:03.48
Mike
Sure.

00:15:03.58
Bill
So, I mean, I've, I'm a, I have done it for years and it's, it's all with me, but here's a weird fucking part.

00:15:03.93
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:15:09.18
Bill
I literally both nights, um, almost went to sleep without doing my nightly prayers and my 10 step because I'd been in bed all fucking day, you know,

00:15:15.11
Mike
Mm-hmm. Right? Right? Right.

00:15:20.47
Bill
I've never, and um I mean, since I've been sober, I've never been in a bed from morning until night, you know, like that.

00:15:20.70
Mike
Yeah.

00:15:27.65
Mike
right

00:15:28.71
Bill
I mean, never in 15 and a half years, you know?

00:15:28.81
Mike
yeah yeah i Yeah, I'm trying to think. yeah I don't think I have either.

00:15:35.70
Bill
So.

00:15:35.78
Mike
Certainly large chunks of Sundays I try, but yeah, you know, right.

00:15:36.01
Bill
Right.

00:15:40.54
Mike
I'm up, I'm doing something, you know, throwing a little laundry in, whatever.

00:15:42.43
Bill
Right.

00:15:44.52
Mike
Yeah, exactly. yeah You know, right. Yeah, just laying there all day now.

00:15:49.53
Bill
Yeah. and And I'll explain why, why I couldn't, uh, you know, in a little bit, but, um, but you know, I'm about to go to sleep and I'm like, I'm like, oh, fuck me.

00:15:53.42
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:15:56.68
Bill
So, you know, mean, I already had the lights off or whatever.

00:15:57.73
Mike
yeah

00:15:58.75
Bill
Like it doesn't fucking matter. I did, I did my, um, I did my, my readings or not my readings.

00:16:02.87
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:16:03.51
Bill
I did my, I did my prayers. I did my 10 step.

00:16:05.14
Mike
Right. Mm-hmm.

00:16:06.46
Bill
And then, and then went to bed. And then, um, I, the, I think it was the, whatever the morning was, I knew when theoretically when the procedure was going to be. So I got up, uh, I set my alarm early figuring, cause they're going to be in and out doing whatever, but I wanted the time I wanted to get my readings done.

00:16:19.48
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:16:21.65
Bill
So I set an alarm to, to get my readings done the day I was going to get the procedure.

00:16:21.69
Mike
Yeah.

00:16:25.21
Bill
And then the following day, um, I just, again, knowing what, when the shift change was and whatever, I just figured, I figured that out.

00:16:31.34
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:16:33.14
Bill
Um, Same deal. I set my alarm for like seven in the morning. It did. I did my prayers first and then did my readings. I'm like, the prayers is what I want the quiet time of, you know, the readings that somebody comes in.

00:16:41.61
Mike
Sure. Mm-hmm.

00:16:43.18
Bill
I'm like, I just, just give me a minute, blah, blah, blah, you know?

00:16:45.70
Mike
Right.

00:16:45.83
Bill
Um, so that I literally made time for but yeah, it was just, I'm like, I can't remember to tell you that. Cause I, it was just, just cause I was fucking, it was weird.

00:16:50.98
Mike
if

00:16:53.08
Bill
You know, I'm just laying in bed all day and I almost forgot, but I didn't.

00:16:54.86
Mike
Right. Yeah.

00:16:56.65
Bill
So, yeah.

00:16:57.74
Mike
Well, good. Right.

00:16:59.18
Bill
Yeah, it's just it's just fucking weird, you know, because we talk about it all the time. The thing of it is, and and I'm like, why and how? why in hell But I know how. When I get into bed at night, that's when I do my shit. That's the that's the on switch for when I do that.

00:17:09.58
Mike
Sure. Mm-hmm.

00:17:12.08
Bill
So I know why.

00:17:12.21
Mike
Right. Right.

00:17:13.40
Bill
You know, it was just just fucking weird.

00:17:13.67
Mike
Yeah.

00:17:14.89
Bill
Yeah.

00:17:15.50
Mike
Yeah.

00:17:15.83
Bill
But, um, but I mean, yeah, all of that stuff. And I mean, it's all those things that it just mentioned. And I like when it said, you know, talked about the process, we talk about all that stuff, you know, in all these things that we, again, weave in and incorporate in our lives on a daily basis.

00:17:29.92
Bill
And, you know, quite honestly, we talked about it before. i'd never sit back and think, okay, you know, when I wake up in the morning, I'm like, well, I got to make sure I, I, you know, i get rid of shame and fear and stubbornness and ego. And I got to What I got to hang on to is ah my routine, whatever.

00:17:43.62
Bill
It's just become part of our lives, which is, you know, it's a fucking gift, you know?

00:17:47.12
Mike
Yeah, absolutely. Now I do have to ask you, when you checked out of the hospital, did you make your bed before you left? Right.

00:17:53.08
Bill
um Did i

00:17:54.30
Mike
Right. Right.

00:17:56.00
Bill
You know what? um I'm trying to think if when when I got out of... Because at that by the time I was up in... Because I was in ICU. That's where I ended up.

00:18:03.76
Mike
easy right

00:18:04.58
Bill
um when i When I left the upstairs, I was in my bed. So I never got out of that one.

00:18:08.36
Mike
see where i heat

00:18:09.79
Bill
And then when when I checked out... Checked out...

00:18:13.08
Mike
hey

00:18:16.60
Mike
Not yet. little premature there.

00:18:18.77
Bill
No, not check. I was thinking like, check it out of an Airbnb.

00:18:20.45
Mike
Like at a hotel. Right.

00:18:21.68
Bill
Yeah, like at a hotel. It was checkout time.

00:18:24.35
Mike
Check out time.

00:18:24.40
Bill
I got to go hit the front desk and here's the key.

00:18:25.97
Mike
Here's the key. Uh-huh.

00:18:27.78
Bill
You know, i I think when I got out of bed because I had a blanket on, I think I probably um pulled a blanket up ah just instinctively, but I don't remember if I did or didn't.

00:18:33.29
Mike
yeah Yeah.

00:18:36.13
Bill
um

00:18:36.15
Mike
I'm sure you did.

00:18:37.56
Bill
I probably did. But the thing with it is the the first bed I never got out of.

00:18:38.73
Mike
Yeah.

00:18:41.77
Mike
Right.

00:18:41.89
Bill
because they just this wheeled me downstairs in that, in that bed and that I was in a different one.

00:18:42.08
Mike
Right.

00:18:46.44
Bill
So I was going to ICU.

00:18:47.89
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:18:48.10
Bill
Um, but, uh, yeah, you know, come to think it, I think I did.

00:18:48.13
Mike
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

00:18:50.72
Bill
That's funny though. That's, uh, it's just, yeah, I got ah and I got a, again, that's part of the, the humor part towards the end with, uh, with, you know, getting out of bed, but, um,

00:18:57.56
Mike
amazing

00:19:00.65
Bill
Yeah. So, I mean, I don't know. I mean, that reading, um, I really liked it because again, it it gets, get it gets back to the simplicity of just this basic shit that we do on a daily basis that, um, it's so simple, but it's so fucking important, you know, which is, it's, it's mind blowing.

00:19:15.71
Mike
Right. Yeah. and since

00:19:20.16
Bill
It's like these little fucking things, really, this is what's going to do it. Really?

00:19:23.57
Mike
Yeah. Yeah.

00:19:24.49
Bill
Could it be that simple?

00:19:24.48
Mike
Right. you

00:19:25.95
Bill
Yeah.

00:19:26.10
Mike
I believe it can.

00:19:28.54
Bill
ah what What else? Anything else in that reading that kind of jumped out on you?

00:19:31.18
Mike
yeah i don't know. I pulled it out of my ass.

00:19:32.66
Bill
or

00:19:33.76
Mike
I have no clue.

00:19:35.31
Bill
Okay. like I actually didn't know if you searched for something and came up with it or or if just to...

00:19:39.22
Mike
Nope.

00:19:39.69
Bill
just

00:19:39.96
Mike
Just kind of flipped open. And actually, I read a couple of them. That was probably the third one. And I went, ah, shit, that's good enough.

00:19:46.74
Bill
Yeah, that's a, I liked that. I think, I think it was a good one. I actually think it was a very good one.

00:19:49.46
Mike
Yeah.

00:19:51.44
Bill
All right. So, um and I've got a couple of, a couple of newer things that I wrote that, oh, you know what? It's kind of funny. um And you don't, yeah, you don't have Netflix. So um there's a John Candy documentary out.

00:20:02.83
Mike
I've heard. Right.

00:20:03.79
Bill
Okay. Were you a, were you a fan? You like John Candy, right?

00:20:06.32
Mike
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:20:07.11
Bill
Okay. That's what I i thought.

00:20:07.74
Mike
Huge SCTV fan.

00:20:08.27
Bill
So.

00:20:09.06
Mike
Yeah.

00:20:09.89
Bill
Yeah, and i there was no reason in the world for me to think that you that you weren't a fan and and didn't like him, but um ah just a logical question. but um So yeah, I saw it and I watched it over a couple of different nights.

00:20:20.89
Bill
And it was, um you know, um I Like Me is what it was titled or what it is titled, obviously from, you know, Playing Straits and Automobiles.

00:20:24.26
Mike
Yeah, right. Plains of France, right.

00:20:28.69
Bill
What's just so funny is they're going through this whole thing. And first of all, number one, I forgot. I forgot when he died. i figured I thought I remembered heart attack, which it was.

00:20:36.86
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:20:37.01
Bill
um I didn't remember how old he was. He was 43.

00:20:39.87
Mike
Right.

00:20:40.03
Bill
um His dad died when he was fucking 35, when his dad was 35 and John was five, um you know, in the same type of thing.

00:20:43.01
Mike
Wow.

00:20:46.26
Mike
Right.

00:20:48.10
Bill
And that kind of goes into this, you know, by I'm like, well, it's kind of fucking weird. I'm watching this after. The thing happened to me, hereditary and all that, which I'll get into. But um so here's what this, this part just made me laugh though.

00:21:00.49
Bill
So towards the um end, the last probably two, three years, and he would go up and down in his weight. And and at one point, you know, he, he lost a a considerable amount of weight and, you know, somebody had said, either made a comment or he had a role where, you know, he needed to bulk up a little bit.

00:21:06.67
Mike
Right.

00:21:16.52
Bill
And, you know, so he had this mindset that people just, you know, only accepted him when he was, he was big, you know?

00:21:21.18
Mike
Right.

00:21:21.98
Bill
I think that was kind of the mindset. But um so towards the last, what, two, three years, he had people telling him, obviously, he needed to take care of himself. And he, ah to begin with, avoided going to doctors. And then I forget, i now I forget the actor that was saying this. But he said, basically, he would he would shop doctors, right?

00:21:39.47
Bill
And maybe it made me think of um like the Daryls and stuff like that, shopping for sponsors.

00:21:39.58
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:21:44.10
Bill
It'll tell you the right thing.

00:21:44.40
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:21:44.92
Bill
Yeah. He said, he goes, if he went to this guy, like, if he went to a doctor, the doctor's like, oh, by the way, you should watch what you eat.

00:21:46.38
Mike
Right.

00:21:51.91
Bill
You should cut down on smoking. You should either quit drinking or whatever.

00:21:53.79
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:21:54.83
Bill
He'd just go to a different doctor.

00:21:56.43
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:21:57.24
Bill
so um So, yeah, he was he was eating too much, drinking too much, and smoking too much. you know And then, you know, I imagine that he had a fucking heart attack.

00:22:02.47
Mike
Right.

00:22:05.17
Mike
Yep.

00:22:05.21
Bill
um But, yeah, I mean, literally, he was you was just, he was kept looking for doctors. And I'm like, um like Jesus Christ, that that is, and I don't think he was, ah Well, I don't know. I mean, he didn't, he didn't come across or the story didn't come, come across like he was an alcoholic.

00:22:20.22
Bill
Um, I just think he had these overindulging tendencies, you know, considering his, you know, overeating and probably just doing things that excess, but probably not as bad as, you know, like Farley or anything like that.

00:22:26.59
Mike
Right.

00:22:30.96
Bill
But, um, it didn't seem like he got in.

00:22:31.23
Mike
Right.

00:22:33.57
Bill
I didn't really talk much about drug use and or anything like that. I don't think. Um, but, um,

00:22:38.13
Mike
i I did hear he was doing a lot of coke, but...

00:22:41.22
Bill
And you know what? If if he was, um I'm trying to think if that was, I don't think that was brought up in there. I don't remember. That didn't stick out to me as being brought up. But um who knows?

00:22:52.37
Bill
I mean, he you know i mean think figuring all the people he hung out with throughout those years.

00:22:55.23
Mike
Right. yeah Yeah, right.

00:22:56.32
Bill
And

00:22:56.48
Mike
and It was the go-go 80s. Yeah, in the 70s.

00:22:58.34
Bill
Yeah. Well, and and maybe, who knows, maybe the ah that they just decided not to put that in there to not to, you know, let's, let's put up the air quotes, tarnish, you know, his image or anything like that.

00:22:59.92
Mike
Right.

00:23:04.99
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:23:08.89
Mike
Right.

00:23:09.54
Bill
But the other thing that I, didn that I didn't know when there was, it it was Eugene Levy was saying it when they, ah the procession was going to the cemetery, i think for his funeral and they're all on the, they're on the 405 in LA.

00:23:18.89
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:23:21.95
Bill
And I think it was Eugene said, or a couple of people like, you're like, God, where's all the traffic? um They shut down the freeway. For his funeral procession And apparently yeah all the all the cops Were at these, you know, obviously the off ramps And stuff like that, like saluting the procession As he was going by And they're like, they're like you know, it's only happened that happened with the Pope That happened with the president or two And fucking John Candy, I'm like Jesus Christ, they shut down a goddamn freeway for him, you know

00:23:28.19
Mike
Ah.

00:23:34.51
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:23:37.48
Mike
Nice.

00:23:41.67
Mike
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

00:23:47.24
Bill
But I don't know. I mean, it's ah it was it was good. it was actually yeah it was really good. i actually i I really enjoyed it. But, um yeah, I'm like, I just didn't. I really didn't remember that he was so fucking young.

00:23:59.71
Bill
just it It just kind of blew my mind.

00:23:59.87
Mike
Right.

00:24:01.51
Bill
But um just weird.

00:24:01.97
Mike
Yeah.

00:24:03.32
Bill
Yeah, and I figured you were a fan. I figured you enjoyed him.

00:24:05.24
Mike
Oh, yeah. Right. Yeah. Dr. Tong's 3D House of Stewardesses.

00:24:09.40
Bill
yeah

00:24:12.09
Bill
and don I don't remember that.

00:24:14.36
Mike
Yeah.

00:24:14.51
Bill
yeah

00:24:15.63
Mike
Monster Chiller Horror Theater. Right. He was Dr. Tongue in the, yeah, the bad movie that anyway, the horror. Yeah. I loved SCTV. I could sit here go on and on and on about that. Everything they did was fucking beautiful.

00:24:28.56
Mike
Gil, the fishing musician, you know, right.

00:24:31.53
Bill
Right.

00:24:32.76
Mike
Had goddamn plasmatics on and the tubes. And yeah, it was a fucking wonderful show. Go ah kids go out there and watch SCTV. it was far superior than Saturday night live.

00:24:46.35
Bill
Yeah, you know what? And with with this documentary being, you I think it's it's ah it's doing really well on Netflix. so ah that Who knows? I mean, SCTV might get and might get a whole new audience.

00:24:56.72
Bill
I mean, all this shit's got to be on YouTube but these days, I would i would assume.

00:24:57.35
Mike
Right.

00:24:59.66
Mike
I would think it's out there somewhere.

00:25:00.83
Bill
You know, so... Yeah, exactly. But no, it was good. I mean, anyone, if you, if you even halfway or, or especially if you really like John Candy, I think they did a, they did a nice job with it and just wrapped up everything.

00:25:11.68
Bill
And it was, it was, it was, it was heartfelt too, you know, the whole thing. But um yeah, it was just, it was good.

00:25:15.69
Mike
Cool.

00:25:17.10
Bill
It was good thing. But I'm also, um I started listening to Bryan Cranston's book. um And, and that was one that I kind of vacillated back and forth on because I signed up for a deal with ah Audible again.

00:25:22.70
Mike
Ah.

00:25:29.31
Mike
Mm hmm.

00:25:29.43
Bill
So I'm like probably halfway through. I think it's an eight or nine hour book. And I think I'm probably four hours into it. But the just in general, I really enjoy Bryan Cranston. So I mean that I'm enjoying. But um basically what he said, this ah and this this I ended up writing down.

00:25:43.45
Bill
um He was when he was trying to get into or deciding whether he was going to get into into acting, you know, because he knew he why he liked it, but he wasn't sure if he should take the leap.

00:25:50.37
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:25:53.48
Bill
He said he made a ah vow to himself. He said, OK, he goes, I'm willing or he goes, I will pursue something that I love and hopefully become good at it instead of pursuing something I'm good at but don't love.

00:26:06.23
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:26:06.78
Bill
And I was like, that's fucking awesome.

00:26:10.30
Mike
Yes, it is.

00:26:12.93
Bill
And I'm like, and that's kind of part of my, my, one of my revelations again, this, you know, that was after I had my revelation, but I'm like, that's fucking genius, not genius, but yeah I mean, it's, it's, it's awesome.

00:26:20.75
Mike
Right.

00:26:23.29
Bill
You know so think about that. Okay. So, so you're in, and I don't know, pick something you're good at. I think you're probably really good at driving a truck. I know you are, you know, and you've done it for years and you're, you're really fucking good at it.

00:26:29.81
Mike
Yes. Yeah.

00:26:33.90
Bill
um And I think you enjoy it.

00:26:34.04
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:26:35.34
Bill
And I know your job causes you stresses and things like that.

00:26:37.75
Mike
Sure.

00:26:38.59
Bill
You know, is it your ultimate love? I'm not going to speak for you, but I don't know.

00:26:41.47
Mike
now no, no, absolutely not. Yeah.

00:26:45.90
Bill
but you're But you're really good at it, and you if nothing else, you tolerate it, right?

00:26:47.63
Mike
yeah

00:26:49.42
Bill
Right.

00:26:49.46
Mike
I do. Right. You know, it provides me with a living and it's something. Yeah, exactly. I could tolerate it. You know, I don't have somebody hanging over me all the time. And yeah, you know, I'll probably do it tomorrow.

00:27:02.03
Bill
Yeah. And you know what? I mean, the the job that I do, you know, yeah I'm a fucking bill collector, you know, but I'm most days, depending on the circumstance, I think I'm i'm pretty good.

00:27:09.59
Mike
Sure.

00:27:10.42
Bill
I'm a good conversationalist, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't love it. I don't love it at all. You know, um I was i I did a really good job when I was training and stuff like that, but I don't want those type of constraints anymore, you know.

00:27:15.14
Mike
Right.

00:27:21.72
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:27:22.19
Bill
um But I mean, it just the just in general, I mean, yeah, just pursuing something that you love and then hopefully be you become good at it. I'm like, that is fucking beautiful.

00:27:29.08
Mike
Mm.

00:27:31.44
Mike
Right.

00:27:32.13
Bill
Just fucking beautiful. So, okay. Back to, oh, and I, the next one I'm going to, after I'm done with him, I downloaded Danny Trejo's book. I heard that was, first of all, I heard it it's ah it's a longer book.

00:27:42.18
Mike
Ah. Mm-hmm.

00:27:45.21
Bill
I think it's like 12 or 13 hours.

00:27:46.72
Mike
Sure.

00:27:47.20
Bill
um But I've heard it's really fucking good. I can't remember who told me that, but I mean, I wouldn't i wouldn't think anything anything different, but yeah.

00:27:50.16
Mike
Yeah.

00:27:54.91
Mike
Right.

00:27:55.25
Bill
So, yeah. so

00:27:56.20
Mike
Yeah, for I've heard some long-form interviews with him and stuff. So, yeah, I'm sure i'm sure the book's, like, great.

00:28:02.14
Bill
Yeah, he's been sober now for like, what, 50, 50, many, many, many 50 years.

00:28:02.33
Mike
Yeah. for Long goddamn time, yeah.

00:28:09.73
Mike
Yes.

00:28:10.70
Bill
It is now as I think his kids got I think his kids got, you know, seven, eight, nine, 10, something like that.

00:28:15.18
Mike
Right.

00:28:15.42
Bill
His kids got some time under his belt now, too.

00:28:16.70
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:28:17.30
Bill
But um yeah, so that's the next one. Once I once I finish up the the Krensten one.

00:28:20.77
Mike
Cool. Cool.

00:28:22.74
Bill
um All right. So these are a couple of things I wrote down. think these are more recent. So I believe this might even be from this week from keep it simple. Today, I'll list five things that I want to do, but I'm afraid to try.

00:28:35.84
Bill
Is there anything um like right now? And I don't want to say and don't think you're you're shivering in your in your slippers over anything.

00:28:42.41
Mike
My timbers.

00:28:43.28
Bill
Yeah. I don't think your timbers are shivering over anything, but um I mean, is there anything that you that you would like to try that you're hesitant of, I guess, maybe is the best thing?

00:28:46.78
Mike
They are not.

00:28:55.30
Mike
um No, ands not a goddamn thing.

00:29:00.99
Bill
you You're doing everything you want to do? Okay, that's, well, next, next.

00:29:02.90
Mike
Yeah, right. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I didn't know. There's, i mean, I, there's nothing that I want to do that. If I really want to do something, I'll fucking do it.

00:29:15.58
Mike
Freedom, freedom baby.

00:29:16.00
Bill
Right.

00:29:17.37
Mike
Yep.

00:29:17.92
Bill
Right.

00:29:18.81
Mike
Right.

00:29:18.89
Bill
Yeah. And you know, I mean, I, I was, I, the only thing I'm thinking of, and again, ah this goes back to my revelation, what we were talking about, the, the thing that I talked to you about, um, you know, that, uh, you know, Kathy and I are talking about, which I'll, you know, kind of maybe get into a little bit.

00:29:31.65
Bill
I'm not going to completely open up on that yet. Cause we have, we're not at that level, but, um, and I'm not, I'm not afraid to try it, but, um,

00:29:33.82
Mike
Right.

00:29:40.73
Bill
Shit's got to line up right, you know, because it's, it's a, it's, it's going to be a balancing act to do it.

00:29:42.22
Mike
Sure.

00:29:45.85
Bill
I don't have the ability, like you just said, freedom. I don't have the, um, the financial freedom just to jump in and do something else.

00:29:48.93
Mike
Right.

00:29:51.18
Mike
Sure.

00:29:53.01
Bill
I mean, there's a lot of considerations for me to take into it.

00:29:53.30
Mike
Right.

00:29:56.11
Bill
So it's not, ah it's not a fear. Um, it's just a matter of it's, it's more of a, um, a logical hesitation, practical, uh,

00:29:58.61
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:30:03.89
Mike
Yeah. Practical. Right. Yeah. Right. Exactly.

00:30:07.72
Bill
yeah

00:30:08.38
Mike
Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, yeah, there's plenty of stuff I'd love to do. I'm sure it's not afraid to do them. i just don't have the fucking money to do it.

00:30:13.54
Bill
Right.

00:30:17.41
Bill
Right. Yeah. It's just, uh, yeah, it's, I just didn't know when I, I, the more I thought about it, I'm like, yeah, I don't afraid is a, like you said, freedom. I mean, there's really, I mean, I, my, my fears that not that, well, okay.

00:30:26.93
Mike
Yeah. Right.

00:30:30.68
Bill
Again, we, we've decided everything, everything is driven by fear. We get all that stuff, but, but I mean, a true fear of like, Ooh, I can't do this because I'm afraid or I'm afraid, but, um,

00:30:34.12
Mike
Mm-hmm. Right.

00:30:38.56
Mike
Right. Mm-hmm. Yeah, all that shit's gone.

00:30:42.20
Bill
Right.

00:30:42.73
Mike
Yeah.

00:30:43.32
Bill
Right.

00:30:44.09
Mike
Amazingly. Yeah, it's beautiful.

00:30:44.93
Bill
Yeah. What's that? Yeah, that's ah that's actually that's that's good. i'm I guess i' ah more and more I'm thinking about this. I'm glad we let neither one of us really have an answer for that. All right. So um this is just the next one up from this. This one's from God grant me.

00:30:59.79
Bill
um I will choose one thing that I do every day, such as brushing my teeth or eating a meal and will make a decision to do with my full attention today.

00:31:10.03
Bill
OK, there's more to this.

00:31:10.45
Mike
Right.

00:31:11.98
Bill
I will think about it. Why ah think about why I'm doing it and why or what I am accomplishing. um It'll seem different to do it this way because I'm changing it from a movement to an action.

00:31:22.66
Bill
That's why I wrote it down. because It talked about an action.

00:31:23.77
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:31:25.09
Bill
So i'm not maybe necessarily like a brushing the teeth and eating. I mean, brushing your teeth because you don't want to, you know. fucking have ass breath and you know, ah we we got to eat, you know, but, um, I thought about one thing kind of as we were, as I was just reading that off, but is there anything that, that you would, I don't know, think about that you could focus on like that to turn it into rather than just a task, make it into an action, a, a specific action.

00:31:31.33
Mike
right sir

00:31:50.18
Mike
Right. Well, I mean, it's kind of part and parcel with the job. I mean, it's, I have to be very deliberate in everything that I do. um So, I mean, I do it all fucking day long, you know, I mean, ah a goddamn lane change, I've got to focus and, and, you know, make sure, you know, yeah.

00:32:09.45
Mike
um And so, yeah, I mean, it's a huge part of my life. And again, it's kind of, part of the reason why i tolerate the job because it's, it don't love it, but tolerate it.

00:32:23.95
Bill
Right.

00:32:24.14
Mike
Um, yeah, because it is, it's a, a huge part of it is being very deliberate in, in, you know, I hook up to a trailer. I got to walk around and make sure everything's fucking safe.

00:32:34.85
Mike
And, you know, the boxes, uh, you know, latch down to the chassis and, um, you know, all that it's all very, make sure the lights are working all that shit it's you know yes it's it's routine because i have to do it every day several times a day but um but i also have to fucking pay attention to it i can't just you know walk around you know i don't know and there's plenty of guys that do um you know hook up and you know throw the air hoses on and off they go i see them um

00:33:02.67
Bill
Right.

00:33:08.30
Mike
I don't want to be that guy. So yes.

00:33:10.22
Bill
right

00:33:10.84
Mike
Yeah. Um, you know, so yes, I, I'm very deliberate in a lot of the things I do and it carries over, which is a good thing. Um, you know, whatever, you know, doing the dishes, you know, not that I have many, but yeah, make, yeah. Making sure there isn't a bit of switch out there. Fucking, you know, when I put it in the rack, it's fucking clean.

00:33:30.68
Mike
Pay attention.

00:33:30.96
Bill
Right.

00:33:31.76
Mike
Yes.

00:33:32.08
Bill
Right. Yeah. And you know what? That's a, that's a good point because, I mean, the worst thing I got to worry about, I mean, if I, if I'm going through the, I can, my job, I could easily go through a lot of motions.

00:33:42.50
Bill
If, uh, if, if I happen to miss it, you know, i I missed a note or I missed something like that.

00:33:43.03
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:33:46.78
Bill
i mean, my conversations that I have with people, there's certain ways that we have to approach the initial part of a conversation.

00:33:51.43
Mike
Sure.

00:33:52.69
Bill
Uh, not a big deal, but, I mean, that's just that just happens you know all the time. and it's I know what I'm saying and I know what I have to say. and

00:34:01.34
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:34:01.53
Bill
um I'm deliberate, but that's also, um i again, probably just happens automatically. But but what I thought of as my is my readings, you know?

00:34:11.41
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:34:11.77
Bill
And in that part of it, because that the second part of my question was, you know, for the most part, um are we all just like going through the motions throughout the day with certain things? um But I mean, you made a good point. I mean, your job, your job is very technical and, you know, it's all about your job is surrounded by safety because how many pounds is that fucking truck?

00:34:27.73
Mike
Yeah. I mean, fully loaded.

00:34:32.42
Bill
Yeah.

00:34:32.88
Mike
uh, you know, uh, just under 80,000 pounds. Mm-hmm.

00:34:36.51
Bill
yeah So, I mean, i get it. You got got to pay you pay attention.

00:34:38.84
Mike
yeah

00:34:40.88
Bill
i mean, i don't I don't have the, um I do not have that type of um responsibility as you do. I'm not driving around an 80,000 pound computer. You know, it just doesn't go that way.

00:34:50.87
Mike
Right.

00:34:52.01
Bill
But um but what i what I thought about was my readings. And there there are times, my my mornings especially, I mean, it's not that I'm not awake, because I am.

00:34:59.26
Mike
see

00:34:59.93
Bill
I may be a little bit tired, but I do.

00:35:01.31
Mike
Right.

00:35:01.78
Bill
I go through the motions sometimes with my readings and my prayers and that sort of thing.

00:35:03.73
Mike
Sure. Yeah. Yeah, me too.

00:35:05.94
Bill
Which, um you know, and that that is every once in a while. I mean, oh I'll read it like I'll let's just take God grant me. I'll read it. I get to the end. I'm like, fuck it. I just I feel like I don't even know what I just read.

00:35:18.52
Mike
Right.

00:35:18.65
Bill
You know, so I will. I'll read it again. It only takes a couple of minutes, but then I'll pay attention, you know.

00:35:20.60
Mike
Mm-hmm. Right. Right.

00:35:23.79
Bill
Um, so I think I'm, I'm guilty of that with some of these things that in my prayers, you know, that some of these things that, that matter, but, um, but I just know that they're there and I kind of, I'm doing the thing, but maybe I'm not as focused as, as I should be.

00:35:29.49
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:35:35.89
Mike
Right.

00:35:38.12
Bill
But I'm, again, I'm not out there.

00:35:38.53
Mike
Sure.

00:35:39.65
Bill
I going to kill somebody if I, if I miss it, if I miss a, a sentence in God grant me, you know?

00:35:41.01
Mike
Right.

00:35:43.29
Mike
Yeah. Exactly. Right. And, know, I'm, i' I'm the same way too, you know, I mean, occasionally yeah it's going through the motion and sometimes, you know, ah sometimes that's all I can muster.

00:35:57.88
Mike
You know, I'm going through the fucking motion, you know, that my 10th step at the end of the day, i was I complete asshole?

00:36:02.41
Bill
Right.

00:36:03.98
Mike
Well, not completely. Did I, you know, could I have been better? Yes, of course.

00:36:06.85
Bill
Right.

00:36:07.92
Mike
Um, yeah. You know, yeah, you know, real cursory. I'm fucking tired. it wasn't the greatest day, you know, but I will, I will take ah moment and go, did I, did I do, did I ah pricked anybody where I really shouldn't have been?

00:36:23.98
Bill
right

00:36:24.01
Mike
And, you know, and, you know, Thankfully, most of the time, you know, 98% of the time, um the answer is no. You know, I wasn't a prick where I shouldn't have been.

00:36:35.89
Mike
Occasionally, ah you know, I'm sometimes a prick where I should be. ah Yeah.

00:36:38.94
Bill
i i just I caught that because you said I wasn't a prick where I shouldn't have been, meaning there are times when you when you should be a prick.

00:36:42.62
Mike
Yes. I very that call it. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

00:36:48.00
Bill
yeah I caught that, motherfucker. I got you. I got you. I see you.

00:36:51.51
Mike
Program a lot of honesty, man.

00:36:51.55
Bill
ah there

00:36:53.82
Mike
Yeah.

00:36:55.04
Bill
But yeah, and you know and and lately, you know with the and I'm not, again, I've said it before, and I'll i'll talk about it in a moment, but I'm not necessarily the you know the most pleased with my with my work situation. It is what it is. And you know in my 10-step these days, it's, you know,

00:37:10.00
Bill
ah say my thing and I'm like, okay, I always say, you know, my day and that's in my head. It's like, how was my day that I think about, I'm like, well, work was work and that's all I'm going to do.

00:37:15.90
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:37:18.34
Mike
Yeah.

00:37:18.86
Bill
Cause I, cause I've been, I've been mulling over some shit or maybe doing whatever. And I'm not going to fucking do that when I go to bed.

00:37:24.90
Mike
Right.

00:37:24.99
Bill
Um, you know, and I'm just, just fucking not, Oh, I, I now have my, my sleep track, which I want to, I want to explain. It's kind of eyeopening, you know, but, um, So I don't want to do that. So just like, you know, fucking work is work. I know what it is. I'm not going to mull over in this fucking shit anymore.

00:37:40.52
Mike
Right.

00:37:40.58
Bill
It's just, it's done. And then I just go right into my prayers, you know, and nine times out of 10.

00:37:43.30
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:37:45.23
Bill
I mean, especially if I'm traveling, I'm not around anyone.

00:37:48.13
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:37:48.21
Bill
um If I piss somebody off, it's rare, you know, or even if I had the opportunity

00:37:50.73
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:37:53.47
Mike
Right?

00:37:53.66
Bill
yeah To piss somebody off, it's it's rare, you know, so, um but yeah, I get it. I get it, you know, just going through the motions on whatever, but I'm glad you brought it up about the the job thing. i mean, that's a, not only a great example, I mean, a perfect example of, you know, again, having, having that type of focus and having that type of focus be able to carry over into, into, you know, your life.

00:38:12.58
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:38:14.20
Bill
So.

00:38:14.42
Mike
yeah Yeah, absolutely. you know And I'm glad you know that i get that that it's there in my life.

00:38:18.61
Bill
Right.

00:38:20.87
Mike
it's yeah Again, my life's not half fucking bad today. Yep.

00:38:26.17
Bill
yeah Today. All right. So, uh, so on that note, on the, your, your life is not half bad, you know, and I, and I missed this.

00:38:31.40
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:38:32.39
Bill
And again, the the funniest fucking part is I don't know how to say goodbye when you're not here.

00:38:34.72
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:38:36.72
Bill
have no fucking idea how to tell people we're going to take a fucking break.

00:38:36.91
Mike
Ah.

00:38:40.17
Mike
Ah.

00:38:40.25
Bill
I mean, i don't know how to be, i don't know to be that guy. Okay.

00:38:43.75
Mike
Right.

00:38:43.88
Bill
So everyone, you get a break. Our friends back. Go ahead.

00:38:48.00
Mike
Right. All right. Well, we're going to come back and we're going to talk about Bill's heart right after these words from our sponsors.

00:39:07.29
Bill
All right, everyone. Welcome back. And yeah, so.

00:39:10.08
Mike
Wow, that was a long that was a long pause, man. I thought maybe I lost you.

00:39:13.97
Bill
No, you know, that the, the,

00:39:13.94
Mike
I'm going to talk about my heart. Yeah. Uh-huh.

00:39:18.84
Bill
You know, the funny part of it was, is that, yeah, that was, that was 10 seconds.

00:39:21.36
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:39:22.41
Bill
I usually wait six or seven, but it's, we were, we were right at the, we were changing it over from the 38, 38 minute to 39.

00:39:23.41
Mike
yeah

00:39:29.91
Bill
And I'm trying to do it.

00:39:30.00
Mike
ah hu

00:39:30.55
Bill
I don't know why that fucks me up, but you want to talk about, you know, just so everyone understands this is how fucking simple I am. I have, I have trouble trying to figure out six seconds, you know, or something like that with it.

00:39:39.28
Mike
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

00:39:41.04
Bill
Again, it was, it was changing over. like, what the fuck? So, no, I didn't.

00:39:43.78
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:39:45.11
Bill
ah bite My heart didn't. My heart didn't attack me again. So, you know, here's let's we'll get back to this. Norm MacDonald, there's a thing that I thought about. So, OK, so so bottom line is, yes, I had a heart attack.

00:39:53.92
Mike
he

00:39:58.92
Bill
And the the thing of it is when when I went in, um well, two things. First of all, they never said those words.

00:40:06.70
Mike
h

00:40:06.80
Bill
Okay. They never said the words heart attack. And that's why even when I called you and when I called everyone else, I called it a cardiac event because that's what they called it.

00:40:11.60
Mike
Right.

00:40:13.92
Bill
Okay.

00:40:14.13
Mike
Right.

00:40:14.95
Bill
um But so let's do. I'm going to look this up again. Heart attack definition.

00:40:21.65
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:40:22.39
Bill
Because I looked it up and don't want symptoms.

00:40:24.08
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:40:26.92
Bill
I'm not having one.

00:40:28.02
Mike
Yeah, right.

00:40:29.78
Bill
i know what the symptoms are now.

00:40:30.84
Mike
Yeah.

00:40:31.10
Bill
I get it.

00:40:31.20
Mike
right

00:40:33.10
Bill
Okay. So this is just, I looked up heart attack definition. Heart attack, also known as blah, blah, blah, um happens when the flow of blood that brings oxygen to a part of your heart muscle suddenly becomes blocked.

00:40:44.73
Bill
Okay. Okay.

00:40:44.99
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:40:45.69
Bill
So the heart can't get enough oxygen, blood flow is not restored quickly. The heart muscle will begin to die. So that's a heart attack. Okay.

00:40:52.02
Mike
Right.

00:40:52.33
Bill
So let's do, that's not what happened to me.

00:40:52.31
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:40:55.34
Bill
That part is not what happened to me because I didn't, my heart didn't die yet. Okay.

00:40:59.00
Mike
Right.

00:41:00.64
Bill
um A mini heart attack. Okay. Symptoms can include pressure and blah, blah, blah. um Oh, God. damn Oh, yeah. There you go. It says it's a it's a medical emergency and a mini heart attack.

00:41:12.44
Bill
um There is only a partial blockage in the artery. That's what I have. Okay.

00:41:16.29
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:41:17.17
Bill
ah In two of them. Okay.

00:41:18.66
Mike
Right.

00:41:19.84
Bill
please I'm only laughing because it's fucking amazing um that i that I didn't die, okay?

00:41:22.65
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:41:24.66
Bill
You know, ultimately over over the last however many a years. um So it it was a it was a cardiac event, no doubt. And here's a deal, what happened. So um it was the Friday night going in.

00:41:36.12
Bill
It would have been Saturday, the 25th of October it is when it happened. I had the procedure on that 26th.

00:41:39.48
Mike
ah

00:41:40.61
Bill
It just happens to be my daughter and son-in-law's anniversary. Okay. is when I had the, actually had the procedure. Um, not that that matters, but it's an easy one. It's like, Oh yeah, I had my first heart attack on their anniversary.

00:41:50.57
Mike
ah

00:41:52.28
Bill
Look at that. Um, you know, I keep saying first cause everyone's going to have a second one.

00:41:55.35
Mike
Yeah, right.

00:41:56.16
Bill
Right. And I'll, I'll explain my mindset on that in a minute there too.

00:41:58.91
Mike
Well, hopefully.

00:42:00.35
Bill
Yeah.

00:42:00.42
Mike
Right, yeah.

00:42:00.55
Bill
yeah

00:42:01.06
Mike
You just get the one big one.

00:42:03.38
Bill
Yeah, exactly.

00:42:04.28
Mike
Come come to join you, Elizabeth.

00:42:06.68
Bill
It's going to get me wheezy wheezy. So, um, so I got, I ended up, it woke me up and I had these, uh, what it felt like quite honestly, what and it didn't, did not meet on my knees, nothing like that, but I mean, extreme, um, chest pain and the same thing, you know, cold and clammy in the arms, you know, kind of up into the neck, the whole bit.

00:42:26.46
Bill
But it, and you know, the, here's the thing, the, the part about it. And, um, first of all, should have went in right then, but you're, I don't think my mind allowed me to realize and believe what the fuck was happening.

00:42:33.16
Mike
and

00:42:41.79
Bill
Okay.

00:42:42.10
Mike
Right.

00:42:42.51
Bill
That's, that's my own call that an excuse, call it what it is. But, um, your, your mind is just like, what the, this can't be fucking happening.

00:42:46.25
Mike
Yeah.

00:42:50.20
Bill
You know, then it went away after 15, 20 minutes.

00:42:50.56
Mike
Right.

00:42:53.21
Bill
Okay.

00:42:53.48
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:42:54.44
Bill
And woke up Saturday. I went grocery shopping. I did the whole bit. I'm like, I got to go in, but I felt better. You know what I'm like? There was part of me. It's like, fuck, man. um What did I do differently? I'm like, I didn't take cold medicine today.

00:43:04.76
Bill
I didn't do whatever. I'm like, I didn't do that on purpose, but I just didn't.

00:43:06.06
Mike
Right.

00:43:08.34
Bill
um And I'm like, no, fuck it. I got to go in. I got to get this checked out. This is I can't I can't fuck around anymore.

00:43:11.61
Mike
Right.

00:43:13.94
Bill
um And I looked in the hospital was part of my insurance, blah, blah, blah. So, so I get all my shit done. Um, I walk into the hospital and you know, when you, when you walk in, they don't ask you what the problem is. I mean, if I was walking in there with, with fucking chest pains, I would have been like, dude, I need fucking help. Like right now. Right.

00:43:30.14
Mike
Right.

00:43:30.72
Bill
Um, but there, are you know, just this lady behind the desk, grab a number, kind of like you're at the deli. So I was number, I was number 12.

00:43:35.51
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:43:36.52
Bill
No, I was, I'm sorry.

00:43:37.03
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:43:37.32
Bill
No, I was number 13.

00:43:38.69
Mike
Ah, lucky number 13.

00:43:39.15
Bill
So the the number 13 came up twice during this in the yeah ER, r which is kind of funny.

00:43:42.58
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:43:44.70
Bill
um So they, I'm there probably 10, 15 minutes and then they they call my number. Then the lady's like, no, no, no. One of the nurses, you know, says that, oh, we you missed 12. So then, you know, say probably 15, 20 minutes until I get in.

00:43:57.85
Bill
So I go in and one of the nurses does the, they got these portable kind of EKG things and hook me all up, sit me in a room, do that.

00:44:03.79
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:44:06.03
Bill
And she looks and she's like, well, it doesn't look too bad, but she's like, i'm going to go give this to the doctor. So then she comes back. She's like, okay, you know, come on down here with it the doctor, you know, saw possible irregularities. What they want you to do is come back, actually lay down flat and then we're going to run it again.

00:44:21.80
Bill
I said, okay, that's fine. So, you know, at this point, um, the same deal with when I went in there, I'm like, okay, I'm going to go in and get checked out and figure out what it is. I don't know if it, is this really bad or is it not? So at this point I hadn't called anyone yet, you know?

00:44:33.82
Mike
Right.

00:44:34.98
Bill
So then, um, then Dr. Dramatic comes in and that's, that's what I nicknamed him because he was, this guy was a fucking knob.

00:44:38.15
Mike
Right.

00:44:41.21
Bill
Okay.

00:44:41.85
Mike
Yeah.

00:44:41.94
Bill
So you, the, the show scrubs, right? Um, Perry was the attending, right?

00:44:45.09
Mike
Yeah.

00:44:48.24
Bill
Would he be?

00:44:49.67
Mike
um Yeah, I guess. ah It's been a long time since I've seen that show.

00:44:53.14
Bill
but But he was like the the head of the ER like that. He was like the the main doctor, right, if I remember correctly.

00:44:55.67
Mike
Okay.

00:44:58.27
Mike
Right.

00:44:58.64
Bill
And then all the other ones, they came in as interns, but then they became residents, I think.

00:44:58.63
Mike
Okay.

00:45:02.99
Mike
Right.

00:45:03.19
Bill
And a lot of them worked in the ER. So that's what I think Dr. Dramatic was. I think he was ah he was a resident.

00:45:07.74
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:45:07.87
Bill
um So he's like, ah he's like oh okay, yo we're going to do this. And, you know, this part of this looks whatever. And he's all this like like fucking jacked up and like um no bedside manner whatsoever. if and Not that I'm looking to be coddled.

00:45:20.86
Bill
But this guy's like, okay, we're going to check this out.

00:45:20.88
Mike
Right.

00:45:22.50
Bill
and This is like this. We got to check this out. And I'm like, okay. So he looks at this and then they run it real quick, which is a matter of just minutes for them to do this. You know, it didn't take long.

00:45:33.65
Mike
Right.

00:45:33.78
Bill
And then he points, he's like, he goes to to the nurse. He's like, you see what I see? and they're like, yeah. I'm like, okay. So he's like, here's what we're going to do. And he said, you're, you're probably not going home tonight. And in my head, like right off the bat, cause now I'm in my head.

00:45:45.45
Bill
I'm like, this guy's a fucking dick, you know, right already in my head.

00:45:47.61
Mike
right

00:45:48.71
Bill
I'm like, I'll fucking leave. I want to leave, you know, cause I don't want to be told what to do.

00:45:50.66
Mike
Yeah. Yeah, right. Right.

00:45:54.79
Bill
I mean, I'm in there. I i mean, i want to be a little bit. I mean, ah yeah. but Treat me like a like a somebody who's in here dealing with fucking chest pains, you know, don't fucking, you know, get me all freaked out.

00:46:02.56
Mike
right

00:46:05.15
Bill
But it's like, well, we're going to do some blood work. And he goes, if we find what I think we are, they're going to end up doing is we're going to schedule for this schedule for a stress test. We're going to get the surgeon over here. going to take you to the cath lab. They're going do whatever. And I'm like, stop.

00:46:18.00
Bill
And he's like, what? I said, what is a cath lab?

00:46:21.52
Mike
yeah

00:46:21.89
Bill
You know, and he's he's like, oh, well, you could have the catheterization. Like, well, OK. So I'm like, i I don't know what these things are. And I said, you know, slow down.

00:46:29.33
Mike
z

00:46:29.74
Bill
Tell me what tell me exactly what's going on, you know.

00:46:32.42
Mike
Right.

00:46:33.10
Bill
So he's got me fucking irritated. It's really what it came down to.

00:46:35.65
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:46:35.96
Bill
um But they did that. They did the blood work. They came in there, you know, blood work, this and that. One of the um nurses came in, you know, a couple got blood for this. couple got blood for that. They bring in the they did an ultrasound. This all this stuff was happening relatively quickly.

00:46:48.10
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:46:48.20
Bill
they They took me back and, um you know, did the like the stand up chest x-ray type of thing. um They had to lay down the ultrasound on the left side of my chest because they want to get, you know, pictures of the heart, you know, obviously to see the, you know, whatever blockage.

00:47:03.50
Bill
And, you know, the waiting for blood work to come back. The blood work comes back and he's like, know again, fucking Dr. Dramatic. You know, he's like, well, exactly what I thought. You're not going home tonight. And I'm just like, you're a fucking dick. And I didn't say it, but he goes, we saw whatever.

00:47:13.95
Mike
Yeah. All

00:47:16.51
Bill
Because they can see it from your, know, obviously from your blood. They can tell that there was, there has been some sort of an event and there's damage and they can tell from whatever it is.

00:47:19.72
Mike
right.

00:47:27.09
Bill
Okay.

00:47:27.39
Mike
Yeah, right.

00:47:27.97
Bill
So now it's clear that something happened. So at least we, we know, right. Okay.

00:47:31.60
Mike
Yeah.

00:47:32.25
Bill
So, again, you know all these different people ask me all these different questions. They're trying to get the surgeon in there. And this was probably about the time when I don't know how long I'd been there, but probably around the time maybe that I was had called you.

00:47:43.49
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:47:43.64
Bill
And just so everyone knows, I mean, I had I wasn't I clearly wasn't thinking straight at this point because my thought is I'm like, ah first of all, i'm I'm going to call Mike.

00:47:49.04
Mike
Right. Mm-hmm.

00:47:53.24
Bill
Because by my thought pattern was, I don't know exactly what's going on here. I don't know if i if I need to let everyone know.

00:47:57.55
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:47:59.59
Bill
But if all this shit happens quickly, I need to let somebody know.

00:48:03.17
Mike
Sure.

00:48:03.52
Bill
And my thought was to let Mike know because then he knows how to get hold of my kids and Kathy and blah, blah, blah.

00:48:08.61
Mike
Right.

00:48:09.98
Bill
So that's when and' when I'm talking to Mike. And I mean, I'm asking these people. i'm like, oh, I got a little bit of time. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You got time. Make your phone make your phone calls. so And that's what I what i told told you.

00:48:18.31
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:48:18.75
Bill
don't remember what I said. But I think I asked you, what I do? You know?

00:48:21.32
Mike
Yeah. Right. Yeah, you did pretty much, you know, just kind of, you know, gave me the the thumbnail of what was going on and, you know, and no, you asked me, were like, so should i call Kathy? you i Yes.

00:48:36.25
Bill
yeah

00:48:36.86
Mike
Should I call the kids? Yes. Yes, you should.

00:48:41.24
Bill
Yeah. Yeah. And I just, I just wasn't, um, I mean, again, your, your, your brain just doesn't, um, I don't think my brain was allowing me to really comprehend what was going on.

00:48:44.85
Mike
yeah know. Yeah. Yeah.

00:48:52.77
Bill
I wasn't freaking out. I wasn't scared, you know, but I just didn't, I didn't.

00:48:54.32
Mike
Yeah, right. You're confused.

00:48:57.72
Bill
Yeah.

00:48:57.96
Mike
There's a bunch of bunch of unfamiliar new shit thrown being thrown at you.

00:48:58.11
Bill
I,

00:49:02.12
Mike
Right. Yeah, no, I get it. Exactly. Yeah. I know. I got, oh, Jesus Christ. I got to be the calm, responsible one again. Motherfuck.

00:49:13.28
Bill
Yeah, I know. But, but that's, that's the thing. You know, i'm like, I can't, I'm like, I got, I got it out of, out of the the four of you.

00:49:15.84
Mike
Yep.

00:49:19.50
Bill
Cause the four, you know, there, there's people in my life and those are the four people.

00:49:23.37
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:49:23.95
Bill
When I travel, I text all four of them.

00:49:26.26
Mike
Right.

00:49:26.50
Bill
um When I get someplace, when I, you know, whatever it is, and I give him them the address of where I'm at, blah, blah, blah. So, I mean, that's the core four people. Cause with, with those four people can get word out to anyone they would need to, or any one of those four can get word out to the others, you know?

00:49:37.42
Mike
Right. Right.

00:49:39.28
Bill
So that's the, that's a my core group of people, you know? So, um, And then, you know, making making those phone calls and doing that. And, you know, obviously I got, um i I think I called Kimmy first and then I got Derek on the phone.

00:49:50.71
Bill
Then called Kathy, called Kathy last. And I know Kathy ended up calling you. um You told me that, but she also said the same thing because she's fucking freaking out.

00:49:56.70
Mike
Yeah. Yup.

00:49:58.03
Bill
um And just a quick side note on that is that, well, two things. I'll say the other thing in a second, but um that was fucking weird because it was It was an indication of almost understanding and realizing what it's going to be like when I die without dying.

00:50:14.16
Mike
Yeah.

00:50:15.82
Bill
You know what i mean?

00:50:17.24
Mike
That makes perfect sense.

00:50:19.02
Bill
and And I was going to say, I don't know if that makes sense because I was able to tell people that basically, hey, um i could i I could be dead, um you know, and getting reactions from people, not looking for them, but getting these these sincere and honest reactions from people, you know?

00:50:21.32
Mike
Yeah. Yeah. Hmm.

00:50:33.44
Mike
Yeah, yeah.

00:50:34.05
Bill
um It was in ah in a weird, it was fucking heartwarming in a weird way.

00:50:38.48
Mike
Right.

00:50:38.60
Bill
um I mean, and i I don't even care if that sounds weird. It probably does, but it was, it made me feel loved and cared for and it made me feel good.

00:50:43.19
Mike
No.

00:50:49.20
Bill
You know?

00:50:49.33
Mike
Cool. Right.

00:50:50.03
Bill
Um, so, but, but it also made me think that I'm like, I don't, and after making those phone calls, I'm like, I'm, I'm not ready to go yet. You know?

00:50:57.78
Mike
Right.

00:50:59.06
Bill
and And I knew enough about, cause what they ended up doing just to kind of cut to the jump the route, as they say, i had a, uh, I had, there's two clogged valves. One was 90% clogged.

00:51:09.55
Bill
The other one, I don't know the percentage is it's bad too, but not as critical. Um, so he took care of the left. They're going to fix the right. I've already got that set for the first week of December. go I'm going back down to Missouri because this is this all happened when I was in Lake of the Ozarks, by the way, um which is fine.

00:51:22.31
Mike
Right. Nice.

00:51:23.61
Bill
I mean, ah their their business office fucking sucks. Their their business side of things suck trying to get me discharged. But their level of care is undeniably. It's just fucking wonderful.

00:51:33.99
Mike
nice

00:51:34.23
Bill
You know, so just absolutely. I loved the care that I got, except for Dr. Dr. Dramatic. He was a dick.

00:51:39.60
Mike
Right.

00:51:39.88
Bill
And if I if I ever see him again, I'll kick him in the balls.

00:51:40.00
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:51:42.52
Bill
You know i know, I seriously I didn't fucking like him. The guy shouldn't he shouldn't be doing what he does in that capacity. um But so, you know, so I make all the phone calls to do all these different things.

00:51:52.65
Bill
And um I knew enough about a cardiac stent because that's what they did. They they ended up going through, you know, through the groin up up into the heart and they, you know, put the put the stent in there.

00:51:56.65
Mike
Right.

00:52:01.58
Bill
And then, you know, now I'm on five different types of medications for now, which is fine. Nothing out of the ordinary. No side effects with that, thankfully. um You know, so no no issues at all with these medications.

00:52:08.44
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:52:11.70
Bill
But it's the blood thinner. It's the main one. um And the doctor and the nurses, they're like, you need to take all these medications without fail every single day, at least for the first six to 12 months.

00:52:19.94
Mike
Right.

00:52:21.69
Bill
I think the blood thinners and whatever the other one is, one of the other ones, they said, because if that stent, um you know, fails or collapses, um they said there's a lady right now that's in here because she missed or wasn't taking her medication on time.

00:52:24.16
Mike
Right.

00:52:34.73
Bill
She had her stent failed. and she's in She's in the room next to you right now in ICU. And she's in terrible shape.

00:52:41.17
Mike
Right.

00:52:41.27
Bill
You know, because her, you know, and the the doctor said this, the surgeon did. So they're doing all these different things. And then the the surgeon gets there. And throughout this whole process, a lot of different people coming in and out.

00:52:52.29
Bill
And it's all fine.

00:52:52.78
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:52:52.89
Bill
I mean, this flurry of activity and, again, x-rays and bloods and all this fucking can shit.

00:52:53.50
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:52:58.21
Bill
I literally walked out of there looking like an intravenous drug user, you know, because it's just...

00:53:01.61
Mike
Nice.

00:53:02.60
Bill
You know, I've had two veins blown because people didn't know what the fuck they were doing.

00:53:05.98
Mike
Uh-huh.

00:53:06.11
Bill
But most everyone did. And I was getting blood like every, every hour after the procedure because they needed your my blood to thicken up so they could take the sheath out.

00:53:10.10
Mike
Right.

00:53:15.02
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:53:15.28
Bill
um So through this, through this whole process, finally the surgeon gets there. And then it's like, everyone's asking me, it's like, you know, tell me your story. This is your story. What, what happened to you? What led up to this? And finally, i'm I'm kind of to the point where I'm like, okay, in my head, I'm like, quit fucking asking me.

00:53:32.65
Bill
Okay. I told the story, find one person that's heard this fucking story and have them tell you or have them fucking write it down so you can read it.

00:53:36.50
Mike
Right.

00:53:39.02
Mike
yeah

00:53:42.23
Mike
right

00:53:42.42
Bill
And worst case, why does it fucking matter?

00:53:45.34
Mike
is

00:53:46.20
Bill
Because if I, if I was lying to you right now, which I'm not, I'm not, it's not like when I went to de detox that I was lying to people.

00:53:49.82
Mike
right

00:53:52.45
Mike
yeah

00:53:53.24
Bill
And they can tell based on my numbers and my blood shit.

00:53:55.44
Mike
Sure.

00:53:56.69
Bill
At this point, I'm telling you the truth, but you still have get all my numbers in front of you. You fucking tell me what my story is at this point. Quit fucking asking me. um done.

00:54:08.40
Bill
you know So finally the surgeon gets there and they're asking me a couple other things. And um you know he finally is like, okay, this and he that. The surgeon to begin with that day, that that Saturday, um again, I did this fucking doctor, Dr. Dramatic, and then the surgeon to kind of was kind of a dick to me.

00:54:26.46
Bill
And I was fucking irritated by that. like, this dude's going to be all literally all up inside of me. What's his fucking problem.

00:54:31.46
Mike
Right.

00:54:31.61
Bill
But I figured out what his problem was the next day. Cause he came and sat down and talked to me.

00:54:35.14
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:54:35.21
Bill
um But he said, he goes, I'm not going to, he goes, we're not going to do the procedure today. We're doing tomorrow, probably around 10 AM. I'm like, you're not doing it today.

00:54:42.68
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:54:42.95
Bill
And he's like, no. And I'm like, but it it just seemed like, and he's like, no, no, no, you're fine. He goes, we got you on this. We got you on that. He goes, we're getting, obviously you're, you're being admitted, but he goes, you're, you're you're okay.

00:54:49.08
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:54:52.34
Bill
he goes, I got to, um, you know, he goes, you're, you're fine. We're going it done. So he will, he fucking walks out. I have no chance to ask him any goddamn questions. So I'm just like, he fuck. So they admit me, take me up to the room, do all this and that. I'm just sitting there doing whatever. And you know, that night, bob I had a bad piece of chicken and whatever went to bed.

00:55:09.84
Mike
Right.

00:55:09.96
Bill
um Horrible fucking piece of chicken. Horrible, horrible, of a horrible. So in the morning, um you know, again, I woke up early enough. I didn't get much sleep. They were in all the time, you know, taking blood all the different time.

00:55:21.30
Mike
Right.

00:55:21.44
Bill
This one lady, I just, it's the same nurse there on her on her shift. I'm like, hey, it's a blood lady.

00:55:26.91
Mike
he

00:55:27.27
Bill
She just comes in with her fucking cart. She's like yeah, I'm back. And then she came in the ICU the last day. And I'm like, Oh Jesus. I'm like, Hey, there you are. i'm like, what are you doing down here? I said, I said, yeah, I said, a blood lady. She said, no, no, I'm not here for that today.

00:55:39.80
Bill
She's like, do you need, do you need anything from like, she goes, I'm, I'm checking in on like respiratory things. And cause they kept doing that. They had respiratory come in the check. Do I need oxygen? Blah, blah, blah.

00:55:49.63
Mike
Right.

00:55:50.51
Bill
um So all said and done the next morning. So this is Sunday morning. I think it's 10 a.m. You got all the texts and all that stuff and, you know, figuring out this back and forth and when it was going to be done.

00:55:56.59
Mike
Yep.

00:55:59.94
Bill
And then the surgeon comes in and he actually sat down in the room and he said, he goes, I he goes i just wanted to sit down. He goes, first of all, um you know, kind of because when I came in yesterday, goes, had a lot going on.

00:56:10.48
Bill
He goes, I didn't have a chance to really answer any questions for you. So he goes, I want to do that now.

00:56:14.27
Mike
Right.

00:56:14.42
Bill
goes, you have any questions for me? And I said, what ah timing, how long is it going to take? Whatever questions I had, you know?

00:56:19.00
Mike
Right.

00:56:19.47
Bill
And then as it turned out, he goes, he goes, um he goes, here's what happened. What happened yesterday? he goes, I had a, I had a very critical patient that I knew had to get, had to get treated, needed, needed to get a catheterization done.

00:56:31.74
Bill
um And he said, he goes, you weren't critical. He goes, that's why we you know push you aside.

00:56:37.06
Mike
Right.

00:56:37.35
Bill
And he said, he goes, I thought, you were going to be in worse shape than you were. i thought your numbers were going to be worse. I thought your blood results are going to be worse. He goes, I thought, he goes, don't get me wrong. He goes, you got severe blockage. We got to get this done.

00:56:50.36
Bill
But he goes, I knew you were fine for me to ah push this off till today.

00:56:50.37
Mike
Right.

00:56:54.17
Bill
He goes, but I thought you were going to be worse than you were. Then I'm like, okay, fucking doctor dramatic. That's what it was.

00:56:59.57
Mike
Right. Right.

00:57:00.76
Bill
this fuck This fucking doctor lit him up, you know, and godn got him all whatever.

00:57:02.92
Mike
right of course

00:57:04.93
Bill
And then the surgeon gets there and he's like, what the fuck? You know, he's not, you know, if you didn't have to.

00:57:07.51
Mike
right

00:57:11.44
Bill
So then that confirmed to me what a dick this other guy was.

00:57:11.42
Mike
say

00:57:13.68
Bill
I'm like, okay, so not a surgeon over there is my buddy.

00:57:14.04
Mike
Right. Uh huh.

00:57:16.08
Bill
And he was, he was fine after that. But in that, that's what it was that the doctor, you know, got him fucking pissed him off, you know?

00:57:21.94
Mike
Right.

00:57:23.11
Bill
I called him in when, when he didn't need to be um and got me all fucking worked up, you know?

00:57:27.63
Mike
Right.

00:57:28.85
Bill
um So, yeah. So I go into the, the do the procedure, do the whole thing. Oh, and first of all, they had a male nurse up there. um Well, two, two male nurses, one the night before and then another one in the morning.

00:57:40.27
Bill
But the, the one that I before is he's going through and they had me all, obviously all admitted and checked in whatever. So he's sitting down on the computer in the room. He's going through some stuff and he's asking, he goes, just a couple of quick questions. You to make sure you're all set for tomorrow, buth bla blah, blah, blah.

00:57:52.87
Bill
And he, he just puts his arms down and I'm like, what? And he said, he goes, you have no medical history, almost no medical history.

00:57:58.81
Mike
Right.

00:58:00.57
Bill
And he goes, you've never had anything wrong with you. And I said, well, I had the, the fund application. He goes, well, that's, he goes, that, that is what it is. That was my heartburn, um you know, thing went almost 30 years ago.

00:58:07.81
Mike
Yeah, right. Mm-hmm. Right.

00:58:10.58
Bill
But he said, he goes, other than that, he goes, you have literally, he goes, you've never had anything wrong with you.

00:58:15.68
Mike
right

00:58:16.04
Bill
And I said, no, but that's the point. a guy i'm alive Clearly I did. I just didn't know it. you know

00:58:20.00
Mike
right

00:58:20.86
Bill
um But I said, and and I've said this before, and I didn't say this to him, but um over the years, I mean, I don't get sick if I get a cold and blah, blah, blah, and all these different things.

00:58:28.99
Mike
yeah right

00:58:29.88
Bill
But what I, I'm sure I've said it to you before. I'm like, sooner or later, something's going to jump up and it's going to be bad. It's probably going to fucking kill me. Well, it it it is.

00:58:40.46
Bill
It almost did.

00:58:41.17
Mike
he

00:58:43.14
Bill
You know, so um so all all said and done, get the procedure. They put me on whatever type of medication that that really that lowered my blood pressure um too much.

00:58:50.58
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:58:51.60
Bill
So that's the only reason I ended up in in ICU. as the

00:58:54.36
Mike
Ah.

00:58:54.92
Bill
You know, because of the my blood pressure was low. I mean, I'm glad I did. these These nurses down there, the care that they had down there, these guys were fucking wonderful.

00:59:01.94
Mike
Mm-hmm.

00:59:01.99
Bill
Um, but the nurse that the main nurse down there, she took me off of, she stopped the drip about 40 minutes after I got there. My blood pressure came back. It was fine. Um, but they still kept me there. And then she had, so it was her, that was a normal shift. She does a 7am to 7pm.

00:59:16.89
Bill
And then, um, she had a student nurse with her that day and who was really fucking cool too. probably early twenties or something like that.

00:59:23.39
Mike
Right.

00:59:23.89
Bill
Um, so the two of them back and forth and it's like, like literally every half hour, like, like knock, knock, they can walk it in. Cause what they have to do is, I mean, I had the, the incision in my groin and there's still this, this sheath, you know, that's, that's in there.

00:59:38.71
Mike
Right.

00:59:38.87
Bill
And, you know, they're, they're checking to make sure that obviously the nothing's weird and you know, but in, yeah before you go down for the procedure, again, they're going to be in the groin area. You know, that's like, you got but to fucking take everything off.

00:59:49.30
Bill
So I'm wearing like ah I'm wearing like a Kleenex.

00:59:49.37
Mike
Right.

00:59:51.42
Bill
Yeah.

00:59:52.40
Mike
Right.

00:59:52.98
Bill
And a smile is really, you know, all I have on, you know, so this is after all the procedures done and I'm, you know, I'm flat on my back because they're like, you got to lay on your back because of this incision.

00:59:54.64
Mike
Right.

01:00:02.76
Bill
It's got to heal. and Then it gets to the point once the blood thickens up and then they, they pull the sheath out and then they literally have to physically, one of them, has to put both hands and pressure on your groin for 30 minutes.

01:00:16.32
Bill
Okay. I mean like pressure, like hard fucking pressure, you know?

01:00:20.33
Mike
right

01:00:21.29
Bill
So right before the procedure, I got my first freebie. They gave me Versit. I've had that before with my other procedure before. And all it did is just kind of loops you up a little bit, makes you not give much of a fuck.

01:00:28.64
Mike
Yeah.

01:00:31.74
Bill
And um it's fucking wonderful, you know?

01:00:32.30
Mike
Uh-huh.

01:00:34.01
Bill
So I got i got my freebie.

01:00:34.06
Mike
Sure.

01:00:36.20
Bill
And there was, I remember that with Maren talking about it. and then you and I have talked about it.

01:00:38.13
Mike
Right. Uh-huh.

01:00:40.19
Bill
So we're leading up to getting this by the blood. The blood clot is clotting up. Okay. They're to the point where they're go to do it. And this main nurse, and she's probably, if I had to guess, maybe in her thirties, the other one, early twenties, but really fucking cool people.

01:00:50.02
Mike
Uh-huh.

01:00:51.90
Bill
I just, I adored them because they, again, they, they, I connected with them and they took good care of me, I guess is the point, you know?

01:00:56.71
Mike
Sure.

01:00:57.84
Bill
Um, but she's like, okay, she goes, this is what's going to happen and whatever. And this is the pressure whatever. She's like, um, we can give you either fentanyl or, um, Valium. And I'm like, I'm like, I don't, first of all, I'm like, I'm not fucking with fentanyl.

01:01:07.18
Mike
yeah

01:01:11.16
Bill
You know, I said, I know people do it on whatever, but I'm like, no.

01:01:11.27
Mike
Right.

01:01:13.83
Mike
Right.

01:01:14.66
Bill
And that everyone knew I'm telling everyone, everyone, whether they want to listen or not, that I'm fucking sober, you know?

01:01:17.29
Mike
Uh-huh. Right. Uh-huh.

01:01:20.51
Bill
It's right in my chart. 15 and a half years, man. I'm like, ain't fucking with this shit. And then, um, then I thought about it and I'm like, you know what? Cause I told her, I said, this is going to catch it. said, there's a backstory to this. Me my buddies talk about it, but I'm like, what I got upstairs is a freebie. I said, I don't need any here. I'm good.

01:01:36.06
Bill
She's like, are you sure?

01:01:36.04
Mike
Right. Mm hmm.

01:01:37.60
Bill
And I'm like, I'm i'm good. And then when she gave me that, are you sure? And then she explained it again, what's going to happen. I'm like, you know what?

01:01:42.61
Mike
Uh huh.

01:01:43.15
Bill
I said, I'm give me little bit of that Valium. know, I'm like, it's not to, it's not going to kill me.

01:01:46.62
Mike
Right. Yeah.

01:01:48.94
Bill
And I said, if it, I know what Valium does just takes the edge off, you know?

01:01:49.17
Mike
hmm.

01:01:51.81
Mike
Right.

01:01:52.49
Bill
Um, because I'm thinking what they're, what they end up doing. And literally this, even though this, this student nurse, she's little, but you know, she's got to put full force, you know her tippy toes and full force on there.

01:01:59.50
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:02:03.35
Bill
Um, and that's what it was when, as soon as they, they pulled the sheet, they do this, whatever. And then she hits it. I'm like, Holy fuck. Yeah. And then, I mean, I started to sit up. She's like, I don't You got to lay down. I can't.

01:02:14.44
Bill
You can't sit up. Legs can't go up. Whatever. She can pop the thing.

01:02:16.67
Mike
Right.

01:02:17.84
Bill
And they put it through the what is that? The femoral femoral femoral.

01:02:20.69
Mike
Yeah. Femeral.

01:02:21.67
Bill
Yeah. so yeah. And I mean, they're explaining to me like they're like you could bleed out like in minutes, you know, if if you fuck this up.

01:02:26.66
Mike
Uh-huh.

01:02:28.07
Bill
So I'm like they're like, don't fuck it up.

01:02:29.82
Mike
Yeah. Yeah. Right.

01:02:30.70
Bill
Not in those words, you know.

01:02:31.61
Mike
it's Yeah. Yeah.

01:02:33.45
Bill
But so this, yeah, this, this, this 20 year old, you know, or 22 year old, she had to be early, early mid twenties. So she's, and I'm, I'm in fucking pain. And then she's like, you know, she's like fucking, I'm like, Oh, it's getting a little bit better, but I mean, it still fucking hurts.

01:02:45.16
Bill
I mean, hurts, man.

01:02:45.65
Mike
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

01:02:46.69
Bill
And then, uh, and she's like, she's like, so when she gets, I mean, she's right up my fucking groin. She's right there.

01:02:51.08
Mike
Uh-huh.

01:02:51.16
Bill
You know, she's like, so where, where are you from?

01:02:51.41
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:02:53.87
Bill
And I said, yeah.

01:02:53.83
Mike
yeah

01:02:55.67
Bill
And I said, I said, you know what? You're, you're good. You're good. i said, going to ask me questions. They tried to distract me from the pain. And she's like, don't make me laugh. She's like, I got to hold this. She's like, I can keep this pressure out. I'm like, no, I said, go ahead keep asking. So like we started talking.

01:03:09.25
Bill
And then, you know, before we know it, like, you know, 15, 15, 20 minutes in, I mean, it was, the pain kind of subsided a little bit because maybe I got used to it, whatever.

01:03:16.06
Mike
Sure. Right.

01:03:17.57
Bill
Then the other, the other main nurse, she tells this, you know, this other student nurse, she's like, how you doing? She's like, I can't feel my hands. She's like, I don't think I felt my hands for like the last 10 minutes. um But so that's all, that's all done. They get all that all set and then, but it's still from that point, I've got to lay flat for six hours.

01:03:33.79
Bill
You know, so did all that and overnight and the discharge was what it was and blah, blah, blah. But, um you know, the again, that the care that I got while I was there what was unbelievable. And, I mean, all said and done, yeah I mean, are there no complaints with anything except for the fucking, you know, dick from the ER, which he was.

01:03:51.39
Mike
Right.

01:03:51.90
Bill
He was a fucking asshole. And and i when i when, again, I caught on that he had pissed off the surgeon on top of that, um you know, so that's that.

01:03:52.91
Mike
Right.

01:03:59.57
Bill
But, you know, then the funny part. So, again, um you know, through this whole thing, I'm, you know, laying here fucking naked, right? And I mean, they're, after all said and done, I mean, they're coming in like every, every half hour, 45 minutes to check now after, now that sheath is out, check this out.

01:04:05.32
Mike
Right.

01:04:12.24
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:04:13.04
Bill
But I think about this, okay? So I've got a heart valve open now and I've got more blood flow, right?

01:04:17.06
Mike
yeah

01:04:20.46
Bill
It just, Yes, you're thinking the right thing.

01:04:22.91
Mike
Of course.

01:04:23.89
Bill
So I'm just laying in bed for if for no goddamn reason. um you know yeah i start to feel a twinge. I'm like, oh, you can't. I'm like, fucking no.

01:04:30.20
Mike
Yeah.

01:04:31.85
Bill
you know And then immediately I'm thinking, I'm like, okay, there is more blood flow, whatever. You're just sitting there all fucking relaxed.

01:04:37.14
Mike
Got

01:04:38.83
Bill
For any guy out there, you know what we're talking about. it just

01:04:41.12
Mike
yeah got a little volume in your system.

01:04:41.70
Bill
There's no goddamn reason why you're going to start to fucking...

01:04:44.74
Mike
What the fuck, man?

01:04:45.57
Bill
Yeah, you're just going to fucking like pop one, you know?

01:04:48.12
Mike
Right.

01:04:48.18
Bill
And it's not like I got no underwear on. I'm wearing a gown that's made out of Kleenex.

01:04:51.83
Mike
Yeah, Kleenex Pup Tate.

01:04:52.27
Bill
And I can't remember if it's been five minutes or 25 minutes since they've been in.

01:04:57.47
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:04:57.77
Bill
Because every time they come in, they got the thing back. And if nothing else, my fucking right nut and the right side of my shaft got some exposure. got some attention there for about 12 hours.

01:05:06.04
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:05:07.36
Bill
Yeah. um But I mean, thankfully, it's just like ah that was fine. it It was false alarm. It was fine. Just quartered up and went away.

01:05:14.12
Mike
Yep.

01:05:15.51
Bill
You know, it was good.

01:05:15.98
Mike
Sure.

01:05:16.33
Bill
It's all good. but But so all said and done, the the second day, the student nurse wasn't there. She normally would work nights, apparently, from what she was saying. Um, but so the other nurse was there the second day and, you know, we're going through this whole process with the discharge and it's got all the paperwork and, um, she's like, okay, you're all, you're all set. She's goes, I need to have you sign a couple of things. We're going go over some things. She goes, um, you know, why don't you get dressed first? And then we'll, we'll do this. I'm like, he goes this again, now I've, I've known her now for, you know, the day and a half.

01:05:43.17
Mike
sure

01:05:43.47
Bill
And I said, uh, I said, what, yeah you, you don't, you want me to, you know, sign important paperwork, you know, while I'm naked. Yeah. And she's like, you can do whatever you want.

01:05:48.57
Mike
Right.

01:05:50.97
Bill
She's like, it doesn't bother me. And I just started laughing.

01:05:52.43
Mike
but

01:05:52.97
Bill
I'm like like, I'll get dressed. I'm fine. I said, maybe I look more serious if I actually have have pants on, right? um But this whole back and forth, you know, they want me to drive. They want to do this.

01:06:03.30
Bill
So all said and done, that that's all fine.

01:06:04.02
Mike
right

01:06:04.98
Bill
So here's the thing. And here's the points that that I wanted to make. And um I asked the question of this, that the nurse that was with me the but majority of the time. i said I said, I want to ask you question. I said, don't know that you can answer this.

01:06:16.36
Bill
But I said, just out of curiosity, um because they I mean, obviously, they knew my past, but they also asked me a lot of questions.

01:06:21.13
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:06:21.54
Bill
So they knew how I live my life these days. Yeah.

01:06:24.20
Mike
Right.

01:06:25.28
Bill
And I said, based on my family history, because i mean that was all over it, I was obviously up front.

01:06:30.25
Mike
Sure.

01:06:31.53
Bill
And just so, in to I guess I hadn't said that yet. This is how the the male side of my family goes on my dad's side, you know, on on the side of the family.

01:06:38.38
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:06:40.60
Bill
um My great grandpa died at 63 of a monster heart attack. My grandpa died at 63 of a monster heart attack.

01:06:47.82
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:06:47.97
Bill
My dad died at 66 of a monster heart attack. And I end up in, you know, with with two clogged arteries, which had I not gotten this taken care of, I would have died at some point pretty goddamn quickly, probably of a monster fucking heart attack.

01:06:58.75
Mike
Right.

01:07:01.36
Mike
see

01:07:01.88
Bill
um So clearly hereditary. I mean, there's no doubt you can't you can't fucking deny it.

01:07:04.89
Mike
Right.

01:07:05.44
Bill
Right.

01:07:06.07
Mike
Right.

01:07:06.27
Bill
So, so I asked her and I said, do you, do you think I said, you know, the, whatever it was, the 20 some years of, of, you know, obviously abuse, the, the drinking, the smoking, the bad eating, all these things I did, you know, is that the, the thing, is that part of it or is it hereditary is going to happen regardless?

01:07:24.39
Bill
And I said, I'm just curious if nothing else, you know?

01:07:26.28
Mike
the right

01:07:27.82
Bill
um And she goes, it's impossible to say, but she's, I'll tell you this. your Your lifestyle over the last 15 and a half years kept you out of here, kept you from being here sooner.

01:07:37.38
Mike
Right.

01:07:37.61
Bill
She said, I'll tell you that much.

01:07:38.91
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:07:39.18
Bill
I'm like, oh, okay. That's all I can say. And then um when I ended up talking to Derek, I you know i i had those conversations with him when...

01:07:41.76
Mike
Yeah.

01:07:46.88
Bill
when I got sober, you know, I mean, it runs in the family, blah, blah, blah, but he's not doomed to it.

01:07:49.45
Mike
Right.

01:07:50.85
Bill
But I had a little bit more of a, of a straight up conversation with him with this. I said, you know, I said, this is different from, you know, when I got sober, I said, this is clearly a problem and this is a hereditary problem.

01:07:54.54
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:08:01.34
Mike
Right.

01:08:01.59
Bill
Um, So I'm like, ah I said, you know, that the facts are out there. I said, worst case scenario. I said, you could do what you want. I'm not telling you what to do. But I said, what I'm going to suggest is that from from this point forward, you went for your physical, make sure that they understand your family history.

01:08:15.67
Bill
If nothing else, they can take a peek at your heart, because maybe maybe you can deal with this stuff, this stuff when you're 30 and not end up with, you know, two majorly clogged valves when you're 57 years old.

01:08:16.66
Mike
Mm-hmm. Right. Yeah.

01:08:22.32
Mike
Yeah.

01:08:27.21
Mike
Right.

01:08:27.37
Bill
And, you know, what potentially could kill you, you know. Um, so, so I, you know, I just, that was, and that was the thing.

01:08:30.70
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:08:33.94
Bill
So I get a text from somebody, um, after all said and done, and it's somebody that knows me relatively well, knows, knows my lifestyle, knows my deal, knows what I, you know, what I do, what I eat, the fact that I, oh, I'm a hiker by the way.

01:08:43.02
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:08:46.40
Bill
Right.

01:08:46.85
Mike
Yes, right.

01:08:48.10
Bill
Um, so knows all that, and you know, obviously was glad that I was, I was okay. And, uh, but the comment that was made was, um, you know, that, uh, you know, obviously keep doing the walk. Cause I said, yeah, I i can walk more. I'm told me to walk more, and do more exercise. I'm already hiking, but you know, keep an eye on this stuff. And then, but the other comment was, you know, straighten up that diet and, and make sure you're exercising.

01:09:09.00
Bill
And, you know, to begin with, I'm like, but I fucking am, you know, that's what I'm doing. I eat right.

01:09:14.71
Mike
right.

01:09:15.90
Bill
And I'm doing all this shit in it. it It was almost like there was this there was this almost I don't know. I mean, I'm not some it was almost a bit of shame if I felt, you know, in in a weird way, because I'm like, you know, OK, who has a fucking heart attack? You know?

01:09:30.70
Mike
Right.

01:09:30.92
Bill
I mean, anyone can, but you know, you you get this vision, just like we get visions of alcoholics and drug addicts and whatever, right, wrong, or indifferent.

01:09:32.51
Mike
Right.

01:09:38.15
Bill
I felt this little bit of shame and I'm like, fuck that. I'm, I'm doing all the right things except for one thing I didn't do. I didn't pay attention to, um, the, that the, the genetics.

01:09:43.66
Mike
Right.

01:09:48.30
Bill
I didn't pay attention to the, you know, the, the whole family line, you know, I did, but I didn't.

01:09:52.08
Mike
Yeah. right

01:09:53.34
Bill
And that's my fault, you know, because there, there's no reason in the world that it had to get to this point. Because to end up with two arteries that are as blocked, blocked as bad as these were, um I don't know. I mean, was it, was it 10 years? Was it 15 years?

01:10:08.18
Bill
Has it been, you know, ah progressively?

01:10:08.23
Mike
Right.

01:10:10.42
Bill
And that's the other problem. i was telling Kathy, i kind of liken this whole thing because she's like, has it been bad? I'm like, I'm fucking walking all over the goddamn place.

01:10:17.69
Mike
Yeah.

01:10:17.81
Bill
You know, I haven't, haven't hit the dirt, you know, but I said, I get a slow start and things kind of loosen up and whatever.

01:10:18.27
Mike
Right.

01:10:23.38
Bill
and I just thought that was from, you know, thought fucking old, you know?

01:10:26.01
Mike
Yeah.

01:10:26.87
Bill
But clearly what's happening is my heart was clogged and then it took a while to get the blood pumping, plumping, pluming the blood pumping.

01:10:32.25
Mike
Yes.

01:10:35.24
Bill
and I'm sure...

01:10:35.32
Mike
Back to the Kleenex.

01:10:36.92
Bill
Yeah, but ah I'm sure than likely what happened is that, you know, as there was clogging up, it just, yeah, my heart starts pumping and it cleared it up enough so I wasn't fucking falling over.

01:10:46.53
Mike
Right.

01:10:46.84
Bill
You know, so I'm guessing that, you know, doing what all the stuff I did helped me, you know, but, um you know, so I don't know, you know, how long it happened, but I was telling Kathy, I'm like, so I started getting heartburn when I was like 19 years old. I didn't have the surgery until I was 28.

01:11:01.03
Bill
It got progressively worse over that timeframe. I didn't realize how bad it was until they gave me medicine for it. And I didn't have it that first night that I didn't have any heartburn. I was like, Jesus fucking Christ, you know?

01:11:10.56
Mike
Right.

01:11:12.92
Mike
Yeah.

01:11:13.14
Bill
And so same, same thing. the The first day out of there with, with this fixed, I'm fucking walking all over to God damn place.

01:11:19.21
Mike
he

01:11:19.69
Bill
And I did that the weekend afterwards. said I walked seven miles.

01:11:22.82
Mike
Right.

01:11:23.44
Bill
Seven fucking miles.

01:11:24.74
Mike
Yeah.

01:11:24.80
Bill
And, you know, my my legs and my my knees were fucking killing me. But I had no issues with I could do the sustained walking. And that's only I'm only half good now, you know.

01:11:34.63
Mike
Yeah, right.

01:11:35.96
Bill
So i I'm just i don't know. I have nothing else. If anyone wants to take this, take this for what it's worth. Hereditary shit matters. I don't when it comes to alcoholism. I've always been a person of saying that I don't care how I got to the way I am from my my drinking and my alcoholic this alcoholism.

01:11:50.13
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:11:53.58
Mike
yeah Right.

01:11:53.64
Bill
Um, I am, I am what I am and I don't care if it was hereditary or learned or environment, whatever the fuck I don't care.

01:11:58.37
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:11:58.91
Bill
But from this fucking heart thing, um, I mean, I had a physical when I was a year sober, so it wasn't there then say what if they would have caught it.

01:12:01.69
Mike
Right.

01:12:06.96
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:12:08.28
Bill
So sometime in the last 14 years, this, this got this bad and it's my fucking fault that I didn't, I've been, I've gotten physical in probably 10 years, you know?

01:12:12.88
Mike
Right.

01:12:17.45
Mike
Right.

01:12:18.76
Bill
So I don't know, take it, take it for what it's worth. I mean, I'm 57 years old. I'm, you know, we, we joke about being old, but it's, it's not fucking old, you know? Um, it's, it's old-ish, but I mean, it's not old enough to die, of but I shouldn't have, you know, fucking fallen over, you know?

01:12:29.29
Mike
a

01:12:32.01
Mike
Right. Right.

01:12:34.07
Bill
So I don't know. I mean, I just take this. Anyone take this for what what it's worth. If you if you have a family history of fucking anything, um just have them take a peek at it. That's all. um You know, don't put because what I did was i I ended up putting people that I love and care about.

01:12:48.64
Bill
I put through an unnecessary circumstance. I'm not saying that this wouldn't have happened, that I wouldn't have needed the surgery, but you guys didn't need to get some fucking random phone call, you know, on ah on a fucking random Saturday.

01:12:55.39
Mike
Right.

01:12:59.52
Mike
ah

01:13:01.68
Bill
You know what? I'm in a whole different part of the fucking country.

01:13:04.64
Mike
Right.

01:13:05.31
Bill
You didn't need that.

01:13:05.41
Mike
Yeah.

01:13:06.16
Bill
You know, nobody, nobody necessarily needed that.

01:13:06.38
Mike
Yeah.

01:13:08.67
Bill
I'm not saying that yeah I'm not trying to put anything on You know what I mean? ah It just, it didn't have to go the way that it did.

01:13:12.37
Mike
Yeah.

01:13:15.24
Mike
Right.

01:13:15.33
Bill
And, and if, ah you know, if it, if, if this would have ended up killing me, you know, and all of a sudden came down, all those fucking heart valves are all fucking clogged up. Then you would all sit back and like, what the fuck's wrong with this dumb ass?

01:13:26.72
Mike
Right.

01:13:27.67
Bill
You know, so, um but again, i just get the shit checked out. ah You know, I, I would say pay attention to your body, but I didn't feel like anything was going wrong. I didn't, I had the bad one and I finally went in this bad thing.

01:13:38.35
Bill
Um, but it if it happened progressively, I just didn't notice it over the timeframe, but I don't know, man, if there's hereditary shit going on and literally I'm living a relatively clean life for if nothing else for 15 years.

01:13:45.58
Mike
Right?

01:13:50.68
Bill
I even quit smoking two and a half years ago.

01:13:52.75
Mike
Right?

01:13:53.05
Bill
Um, you know, so all said and done, living a fairly clean life and underneath the hood still all fucked up, you know?

01:13:59.82
Mike
if

01:13:59.98
Bill
So.

01:14:02.29
Bill
yeah

01:14:02.30
Mike
Yeah, the injectors are clogged. You're fine.

01:14:04.54
Bill
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Well, and here's here's the thing, okay? And, um you know, um I'm not... We always talk about, you know obviously when. You know, it's like, whatever. It's going to happen when we're going to die.

01:14:15.28
Mike
Yep.

01:14:16.07
Bill
After I get the second one done, um I'm leaning back towards the if.

01:14:17.97
Mike
Good.

01:14:19.76
Bill
i might be I might be invincible now. I don't know. I mean, ah you know, having...

01:14:23.42
Mike
Good.

01:14:29.29
Bill
to get through that but uh i tell you what i feel fucking great you know it's just uh i'm so glad you know this is gonna fucking buy you financially it's gonna fucking bury me i mean i can't even imagine what all this shit's gonna cost but i what the fuck like kathy's like he's like what are you going to do i'm like i don't fucking know what i'm gonna do and i don't give a fuck i mean it is what it is that's why i have insurance that's what i have insurance for and the rest i'll just i'll fucking figure out oh speaking of buy me a coffee

01:14:30.52
Mike
ah good

01:14:46.04
Mike
Right. Yeah. Right. Right. Yep. Right.

01:14:55.73
Mike
Right.

01:14:56.91
Bill
yeah Complete joke. Complete fucking joke.

01:14:58.81
Mike
Right.

01:14:59.69
Bill
If anyone if anyone gives it gives us any money, even joking about this, we're giving it away to fucking charity. I'm not taking any funds, fucking money.

01:15:05.09
Mike
yeah

01:15:06.61
Bill
It's a fucking joke. I don't need your money. all And i don't need I don't need your thoughts.

01:15:08.39
Mike
right

01:15:09.71
Bill
I don't even need your fucking prayers. What I need from you is to take a piece of simple fucking advice and don't be a goddamn dumb motherfucker like me and just ignore this.

01:15:11.37
Mike
right

01:15:19.74
Bill
And for instance, Brian, my my son-in-law, this had to be within the last four years since they've been in this place because I think we were standing in their kitchen when I told them this. it came up in conversation about this whole family history.

01:15:30.82
Bill
And he's like, he goes, I didn't know that. I'm like, yeah. And he's like, well, what are you going to do about it? I'm like, I don't know.

01:15:35.48
Mike
Right. Yeah.

01:15:36.39
Bill
I'm like, I'm not, go I'm not counting the days to, you know, 63 or 66. And I'm like, if I ever have an issue, I said, I'll, you know I'll go in get checked out.

01:15:40.01
Mike
<unk>

01:15:43.31
Bill
I'm not, I'm not going to, you know, not do anything about it.

01:15:45.98
Mike
right

01:15:46.09
Bill
Well, I mean, that's, but that's what I did. But that's the, that's the thing though, is that again, my fucking mind wasn't, I wasn't trying to be delusional, but I still was.

01:15:47.81
Mike
yeah

01:15:55.19
Mike
Yeah, of course. he

01:15:57.15
Bill
but i wasn't But I wasn't trying to be. i wasn't I wasn't, you know, it just, I don't know.

01:15:59.15
Mike
Ref?

01:16:01.55
Bill
So yeah, take don't don't be a dumbass.

01:16:01.75
Mike
Uh-huh. Right.

01:16:03.15
Bill
Go get yourself checked out. If nothing else, you got a history of something, fucking get it checked out. and know' see got

01:16:07.55
Mike
Right.

01:16:08.43
Bill
You got nothing to lose and there's no reason to to put you know people you love and care about through some shit or or you know exit this earth sooner than you need to be. Because again, it's not about is it's not about me and i wasn't I wasn't thinking about anyone else you know during that.

01:16:16.39
Mike
Right.

01:16:21.49
Bill
it was ah It was selfish of me not to get myself checked out as my point. it's the way that that's the way that i feel about it i'm not beating myself up it just i i fucking know better because i almost died

01:16:26.12
Mike
Mm-hmm. Right.

01:16:32.17
Mike
Yeah, right. Mm-hmm.

01:16:35.49
Bill
but yeah you know what's uh and that's yeah that was the that was the funny parts you know almost almost getting a hard on you know sitting there trying to fill out paperwork you know sitting there while i'm fucking naked these nurses were fucking wonderful um everyone was a goddamn doctor was a dick and a half but uh

01:16:42.14
Mike
he

01:16:50.24
Bill
So yeah, head heading down, Kathy, Kathy is going to come down for a couple of days for, for the the next procedure. I've got it set for December 2nd. Yes.

01:16:58.77
Mike
call

01:16:59.73
Bill
And then I've got place, got an Airbnb booked. I'm going to be down there for two weeks. So I got time to, cause I can't lift anything heavy for the, you know, those, whatever it is, a seven days.

01:17:05.95
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:17:07.95
Bill
So it gives me an opportunity.

01:17:08.53
Mike
Right.

01:17:09.16
Bill
So have to load my car back up or whatever, but so yeah, everything's all, everything's all set and everything's all, all good to go. So yeah.

01:17:15.32
Mike
Good. Good.

01:17:16.55
Bill
Yeah.

01:17:17.50
Mike
Look at you, responsible adult.

01:17:20.08
Bill
Yeah. You know, and, and seriously, the thing it was, cause they kept asking me, they're like, where are you going to get it done? I'm like, and that was the other question I asked. I asked the nurses, I said, so if I, if I go back to Indiana and, and I, I mean um i said, I'm going have to start all over again.

01:17:26.40
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:17:34.05
Bill
If I, cause I'm like, I don't have a doctor. I've never gotten checked for this shit before.

01:17:37.33
Mike
Right.

01:17:37.94
Bill
Um, they're like, yeah, you might end up with a, with a physician who either wants to get a second opinion or has a different opinion. I'm like, I don't want, I don't want a different opinion.

01:17:44.32
Mike
who

01:17:47.15
Bill
I, this guy's already literally been, been up in my shit.

01:17:47.60
Mike
Right.

01:17:50.76
Mike
Right.

01:17:50.81
Bill
You know, he knows what the problem is. They're like, well, but everyone, they would get your records.

01:17:53.13
Mike
Yeah.

01:17:55.23
Bill
I'm like, I don't care. I'm like, I'll, I'll come back down here. You know, I'd rather, I trust the guy now.

01:17:58.32
Mike
Uh huh.

01:17:59.61
Bill
I trust you guys, you know, and that's important to me.

01:18:00.98
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:18:01.83
Bill
I don't necessarily trust medical professionals.

01:18:04.09
Mike
Sure.

01:18:04.47
Bill
Um, I don't trust a lot of people.

01:18:06.70
Mike
Right.

01:18:07.98
Bill
yeah especially somebody's gonna have you know they're they're fucking shit up at me um but i'm like i i'd rather spend the extra money and and do that then i can't i can't have fucking delays i want to get this fixed and i don't want i don't want somebody else to second guess and say i don't need this i saw i mean they told me i saw the way you know a picture of the one that was already blocked and whatever so i'm like no i don't want to so so anyhow so what's what's to do with you what do you what are you what you

01:18:11.61
Mike
Yep.

01:18:16.23
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:18:19.35
Mike
Right.

01:18:24.53
Mike
Mm-hmm. Right.

01:18:29.80
Mike
Yeah. Yeah.

01:18:34.59
Bill
yeah

01:18:36.40
Mike
Well, no nothing that compares to that. ah

01:18:40.56
Bill
ah and but You know what? That was my goal. is I'm like, I'm going to go. I'm going to need to step this here. This is a thing. This is our ratings thing. I was looking for, you know, this is kind of our jump the shark type of thing.

01:18:50.71
Mike
Right.

01:18:51.04
Bill
We're looking for something to bring the show back to life. I literally, this is, that's the length I'm willing to go to for this podcast.

01:18:56.58
Mike
Wow. Well, thanks.

01:19:01.02
Bill
But then, but then I'm like, I don't want to die. Cause first of all, then you got to figure out how to run this thing on your own. If you choose to.

01:19:05.38
Mike
I couldn't.

01:19:07.94
Bill
yeah yeah

01:19:07.92
Mike
Right. yeah i actually thought about that.

01:19:10.31
Bill
yeah

01:19:10.28
Mike
I was like, fuck, I couldn't even come on here and like, you know, yeah well, Bill died. So I guess we're done doing this thing.

01:19:17.93
Bill
sure

01:19:18.64
Mike
Cause I, you, you do it. I don't, I don't know how to I don't have any of that.

01:19:20.80
Bill
Right.

01:19:24.27
Mike
You know, I, you send me a link.

01:19:24.52
Bill
yeah

01:19:26.11
Mike
I click it and that's all I do.

01:19:28.91
Bill
Right.

01:19:28.97
Mike
Right.

01:19:29.51
Bill
right

01:19:29.47
Mike
I have no way to get into this and and and create an episode.

01:19:34.04
Bill
Right.

01:19:34.02
Mike
i have none. So, yeah don't know. maybe Maybe when I'm there for Thanksgiving, you can show me a couple of things.

01:19:41.50
Bill
Yeah, I could. get I mean, in in literally, I mean, worst case scenario, and I think I said this at one point, I mean, if there anything ever did happen, you could probably go to, you know, Elise. Elise could get something up somewhere to let people know.

01:19:51.75
Mike
Right? Right.

01:19:53.62
Bill
um But then, you know, here's here's the other problem, though. I mean, you need a best man. i can't I can't fucking die yet. yeah you

01:19:59.80
Mike
Yeah, right.

01:20:00.72
Bill
You're the one that said it.

01:20:00.75
Mike
Yeah.

01:20:01.36
Bill
Who else am I going to ask

01:20:02.50
Mike
Exactly, man. Yeah, you got to hang out until at least August.

01:20:07.42
Bill
Can't do the podcast that I don't have a fucking best man. Let's see.

01:20:10.21
Mike
Right.

01:20:10.97
Bill
I got a reason to live, man. yeah Oh, real quick. And i I'm sorry. am so sorry. I mean, I know it's running late here. I will take two minutes here.

01:20:17.05
Mike
may

01:20:17.96
Bill
My two revelations, two things. um I'm done with my fucking job. I'm not done yet, but um I almost died a bill collector and I don't want to.

01:20:23.37
Mike
Yes.

01:20:26.67
Bill
um There's nothing wrong with what I do, but ultimately I'm not going to do this ah up to the day I die.

01:20:26.85
Mike
Mm-hmm. Right.

01:20:32.79
Bill
That's my point.

01:20:33.14
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:20:33.31
Bill
And then

01:20:33.30
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:20:33.95
Bill
You know, theoretically could to that point. i don't want to do that. So this thing with, you know, Kathy and I have been talking about, you know what the deal is.

01:20:37.13
Mike
Right.

01:20:39.76
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:20:40.07
Bill
I'm going to try to start pushing through on that, figure the fucking thing out.

01:20:43.34
Mike
Right.

01:20:43.40
Bill
And here's the other thing. I'm done chasing fucking people, you know, um because I thought about while I was in there, like I was telling my core group and things like that.

01:20:46.14
Mike
Yep. Mm

01:20:51.37
Bill
And there was like, there's three, four people in my life um that i I reach out to on a semi-regular basis.

01:20:51.44
Mike
hmm.

01:20:57.15
Bill
And I consider to be friends. I care about them. And I'm not talking about anyone in Cleveland.

01:21:00.12
Mike
Mm hmm. Right.

01:21:02.10
Bill
um That's number one, because I mean, i see I see all you guys in Cleveland when I see you you. You're different, of course, but not talking about you guys.

01:21:07.55
Mike
Right. Mm-hmm.

01:21:09.16
Bill
We've got a whole different relationship. And I have one of my friends in in Texas. I'm not talking about that individual because I think that person listens to the podcast.

01:21:16.24
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:21:17.08
Bill
We also have a different type of relationship. So I'm I'm cool with that person.

01:21:19.13
Mike
Sure. Mm-hmm.

01:21:21.19
Bill
But there's, you know, two or three other people um that I reach out to. Hey, it's been a while. How you do? And blah, blah, blah. And then, you know, a couple of texts back and then it's like the person they're done or I'm really busy and whatever.

01:21:26.65
Mike
Right.

01:21:31.88
Bill
um I'm done. I'm done fucking chasing people.

01:21:33.87
Mike
Yep.

01:21:33.98
Bill
And I care about these people. And I I think that they care about me.

01:21:35.53
Mike
Mm-hmm.

01:21:37.28
Bill
But, you know, and this is not a um I don't. but it this is going sound so fucked up. They never just texti text to see how I'm doing.

01:21:46.58
Mike
Right.

01:21:46.73
Bill
you know um And i don't need to I don't need somebody to see how I'm doing, but you know what I mean.

01:21:51.60
Mike
Yeah.

01:21:51.86
Bill
there's There's two sides to a friendship. You've been a better friend over the years than I've ever been to you. like Before we started doing this, you would reach out probably more than I did. I mean, yes, I came back to Cleveland on a fairly regular basis, but you'd be the one to reach out, send a text, make a phone call, whatever.

01:22:00.81
Mike
All

01:22:04.16
Mike
right.

01:22:07.54
Bill
I never did that.

01:22:08.10
Mike
Hmm.

01:22:09.07
Bill
You know, rarely, you know, but you and I had this give and take type of thing, you know, um, and same thing with family and whatever we check in with family, people get different relationships, but, um, yeah, I'm done.

01:22:09.22
Mike
Yeah.

01:22:13.31
Mike
Right.

01:22:19.91
Bill
I'm not fucking, I'm not chasing people anymore.

01:22:21.42
Mike
Hmm.

01:22:21.91
Bill
I'm just not, I don't, I have no fucking desire to, if you want to be a part of my life and you talk about it all the time, and I don't mean you, of course, but you talk about it all the time.

01:22:31.12
Mike
Yeah.

01:22:31.20
Bill
You have fucking time to, to, you know, if people want to be in your life, they're they're in your life.

01:22:34.90
Mike
Yeah.

01:22:35.02
Bill
If they don't want to be in your life, then fuck them. They're not in your life.

01:22:37.23
Mike
Yep.

01:22:37.55
Bill
You know, I'm not going to shut the doors. If somebody texts me, I'm not going to fucking ghost them, you know, but I'm not going to be the one.

01:22:41.17
Mike
Of course not.

01:22:43.00
Bill
I'm not, I'm not doing that anymore. I'm not fucking doing that anymore.

01:22:44.31
Mike
Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

01:22:47.93
Bill
and Next, next time I do that, then you can, you can put me on me in my place.

01:22:51.83
Mike
hey

01:22:53.94
Bill
So anyhow, but um no, I, I don't know. It's, it is what it is, but yeah, those are, those are my two revelations, but honestly from um'm I'm doing okay. You know, there's nothing, nothing out of the ordinary. I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be doing, um you know, taking directions and all that stuff.

01:23:04.91
Mike
here

01:23:07.52
Bill
And i I kind of want to hang around for a little bit, so I'm doing okay.

01:23:10.47
Mike
Well, good. Yeah, I guess we we want you to hang around for a little bit longer, too.

01:23:11.50
Bill
Yeah.

01:23:14.78
Bill
Right.

01:23:15.57
Mike
Right.

01:23:15.69
Bill
And then, yeah, you're going to, you're going to Chicago this weekend to see Chris's kid, right?

01:23:18.35
Mike
i am Yeah, yeah. Donnie and his husband, they you know bought that new house. This is the first time.

01:23:24.98
Bill
Oh, yeah.

01:23:26.00
Mike
Yeah, the whole family, all the kids are going to be there. Cameron's coming down from Alaska. James is coming up from South Carolina.

01:23:33.29
Bill
Oh.

01:23:33.41
Mike
um Yeah, jess is gonna Jess and her boyfriend are driving up. um Yeah, you know, we're all going to be there. The whole hold damn family. and And Tyler, that's Donnie's husband, um his family's going to be there, his mom and dad, and I think maybe a brother or two.

01:23:42.90
Bill
yeah

01:23:51.36
Mike
And yeah, so it's, yeah, there's going to be like shit ton of us there, like 25 people. Yep. Yeah.

01:23:57.23
Bill
Yeah, see, i didn't I didn't realize that that was going to be that big group. Well, that's really, really cool.

01:23:59.99
Mike
yeah

01:24:00.63
Bill
That's actually very cool.

01:24:00.83
Mike
yeah So yeah, it's going to be fun, you know, and I, because I got COVID, I missed the wedding, so I didn't get to meet the in-laws and yeah.

01:24:07.22
Bill
Oh, yeah.

01:24:08.28
Mike
So yeah, it's going to be a it's going to be cool.

01:24:12.63
Bill
Very cool.

01:24:13.57
Mike
Yeah.

01:24:13.87
Bill
Yeah. I'm heading up to to see the kids and do, we're doing a late birthday lunch, kind of all of us, a birthday lunch.

01:24:19.07
Mike
Nice.

01:24:19.97
Bill
um Yeah. Katie is not able to make it her, think it's her grandma's. Yeah. Her grandma's like 80th birthday on Sunday, but yeah, we're heading up on Sunday.

01:24:26.63
Mike
Hmm.

01:24:28.27
Bill
going pick up Derek and we're heading up to Oshkosh and Brian's off of work.

01:24:30.68
Mike
Nice.

01:24:31.43
Bill
So yeah, it's going to be, you know, obviously Kimmy, Brian, Ollie, and then me and Derek will hang out for a little bit on Sunday.

01:24:36.22
Mike
Not really birthday. It's more didn't drop dead day.

01:24:39.89
Bill
Yeah, that's kind of, yeah, but it's, you know, it it turned out because we, I mean, Derek and we got together, ah you know, for my birthday.

01:24:40.66
Mike
he

01:24:46.27
Mike
Right.

01:24:46.42
Bill
um I got with Derek and then he was out of town for his and then Kimmy's just passed a couple of days ago.

01:24:50.94
Mike
Cool.

01:24:52.33
Bill
So um it was kind of that, but yeah. yeah and And also, hey, by the way, dad's dad's alive. Yeah.

01:24:59.42
Mike
cool

01:24:59.74
Bill
yeah Exactly. So, all right, man, I know that you wanted to kind of cut short about 10 minutes ago, but I, yeah, I know I was, I was rambling and then, then I went, I didn't want to like skip over your whole Chicago thing.

01:25:04.87
Mike
Eh, eh, whatever.

01:25:09.01
Mike
Yeah.

01:25:11.65
Bill
So I'm glad you told me that cause i didn't realize that everyone's going to be there.

01:25:11.94
Mike
Right.

01:25:14.75
Bill
So.

01:25:14.95
Mike
Yeah, yeah, it's going to be very cool. So we're, yeah, and, uh, because I think things are going on, like, another cruise or something on the actual Thanksgiving. So this is, yeah, yeah, it's, yeah he's already spent close to two grand on food.

01:25:24.15
Bill
Oh.

01:25:32.56
Mike
Like two 20 pound turkeys and two hams. And um yeah, it's going to be, it's going to be a festival.

01:25:40.14
Bill
Nice.

01:25:40.79
Mike
Yeah. Yeah. It's going to be great. So I'll have all that to talk about next week.

01:25:42.96
Bill
That's crazy.

01:25:44.96
Mike
We got a guest next week.

01:25:45.28
Bill
Cool. um No, we're our next, our next guest is Jeremy and that's not until December something.

01:25:48.19
Mike
No.

01:25:52.50
Mike
December. Okay.

01:25:53.97
Bill
i don't remember what day it is, but.

01:25:54.53
Mike
And then we'll have the, ah the annual Thanksgiving gratitude show.

01:25:59.24
Bill
Yeah.

01:25:59.88
Mike
Yeah.

01:25:59.92
Bill
Yep. Yeah. The day after, day after Thanksgiving, then yeah, I'm heading back.

01:26:01.79
Mike
From Indiana.

01:26:03.34
Bill
Yep. And then, yeah, early, early Saturday morning, I'm heading out. That's when I'm going back down to the Ozarks. So that, that Saturday after Thanksgiving, I'm heading out early. So, but um yeah, I mean, um

01:26:12.73
Mike
right. Well, so I, whatever. So I'll fucking hang out and you can leave. Right.

01:26:17.50
Bill
no, I know that's what I'm saying. I mean, you not, not that it matters for you. It just, that was kind of a side note, but yeah, I'll be here because that we always do it on Friday, on black Friday, anyhow. And then, um yeah, then it'll be good.

01:26:25.27
Mike
right

01:26:28.36
Bill
It'll be fun.

01:26:28.58
Mike
Cool. Well, I'll help you load up your car, you old crippled man. Right.

01:26:32.75
Bill
You know what? um And that was the other thing too. I, and Kathy asked, it was kind of funny when I got back here, Kathy asked me, she's like, do you need any help? I'm like, no, I said, seriously, man, I am good. And, you know, up and going upstairs, you know, gives me, um I get, if I'm going to get strained at all, it's going upstairs a little bit, you know, and that's what they told me that they said the, to begin with, just careful with, you know, going up elevation and whatever.

01:26:53.50
Bill
And obviously stairs, just take it slow.

01:26:54.06
Mike
right

01:26:56.08
Bill
um But I mean, I'm like, fuck, I'm fucking fine. You know, I'm just honestly fucking fine. But, you know, when I got back and, you know, Kathy came into the room and she's like, she's like, I'm so happy to see you.

01:27:06.70
Bill
She's like, give me a hug her

01:27:07.59
Mike
I bet she did.

01:27:08.73
Bill
And then she's like, she said she's like, yeah, I'm so happy to see you.

01:27:08.80
Mike
Right. Right.

01:27:12.70
Bill
And I'm like, well, because I've said this to her before, because it's a, this is an AA thing that people say all the time.

01:27:16.69
Mike
Right.

01:27:17.72
Bill
You know, I'd better to be seen than viewed. And she's like, oh, oh, oh, oh. And I said, yeah, not not as funny this time, is it?

01:27:24.99
Mike
right

01:27:27.06
Bill
ah But yeah it was it was good, though. But yeah, one way or the other. I mean, I'm i'm telling you, I'm just I in the the only thing that they had told me was because I had the procedure, obviously, on that Sunday. They wanted me to watch, you know, like going up hills, elevations, things like that.

01:27:42.91
Bill
For seven days, not lifting anything real heavy. um You know, so that was one of that. was glad i was down there for that extra time frame because technically it's not like i I couldn't have loaded up my car.

01:27:49.86
Mike
Sure.

01:27:52.85
Bill
But um the heaviest thing like that my suitcase with all my electronics and, you know, even just my regular bags, i mean, they're kind of heavy.

01:27:53.32
Mike
listen

01:27:59.81
Mike
ah

01:27:59.88
Bill
Um, you cause they were telling me, they're like, you know, because of the, again, this incision, you know, um, you know, like you can fucking bleed out from, um you know, like, yeah, really, they we don't want you for that first seven days lifting anything heavier than, you know, like a gallon of milk, you know?

01:28:08.24
Mike
Right.

01:28:16.64
Mike
Right.

01:28:17.03
Bill
Um, they, and I mean, I buy this, yeah, whatever it was, that what it is?

01:28:18.34
Mike
Eight pounds.

01:28:21.34
Mike
Yeah, gall a gallon.

01:28:21.51
Bill
Gallon of milk is eight pounds.

01:28:22.54
Mike
Yeah, gallon of, well, I know a gallon of diesel fuel is eight pounds, so probably pretty close.

01:28:26.25
Bill
there Okay. Okay. Yeah. Well, and same thing with, I mean, I was by a big jug of tea, ah you know, you know, i do that.

01:28:32.73
Mike
Right.

01:28:33.04
Bill
So that was a, that's probably the heaviest thing that I, that I had during that, uh, that seven day period. But, um, but yeah, everything's fine. You know, the, the, that area was a little sore after I got back from hiking, but not bad.

01:28:45.64
Bill
I was careful you know with it.

01:28:46.77
Mike
Right.

01:28:46.93
Bill
I went up a little bit of elevation here and there, but I know those trails well enough at that state park that I go to because I've been there ah been there a lot. um There was was only it was one one trail that I ended up, and I did.

01:28:58.88
Bill
I ended up going up. It was a bigger incline than I thought it was. I'd never been on that part of the trail before. But I just, I took my time, you know, going up it.

01:29:06.41
Mike
Yeah.

01:29:06.96
Bill
um But other than that, I mean, i I was able to see everything I wanted to and basically stay on the flat parts of the trails, um you know, and i'd have to not have to really exert myself. And I had a great fucking time.

01:29:19.15
Bill
Great time.

01:29:19.34
Mike
Good.

01:29:20.38
Bill
so So, yeah. So anyhow, and um i'm still I'm still here.

01:29:24.45
Mike
All right.

01:29:24.55
Bill
Still alive.

01:29:24.81
Mike
Well, yeah, good.

01:29:26.01
Bill
I've been kicking.

01:29:28.76
Mike
Clean out that carburetor.

01:29:30.78
Bill
Yeah, exactly. I'm, I'm seriously though. I mean, I know I'm joking about the, if I die now, but I'm really, I'm looking forward to getting the second one done. So I'm like, Jesus Christ, you know, and then it just, I don't i don't know. I just did.

01:29:43.43
Bill
um I, I do. I'm just, I'm kind of kicking myself. I, I, I, there's a bit of, I feel bad that I, I let it go and I didn't, and it's not the way that it's not the way that we live and I didn't mean to do it.

01:29:55.17
Mike
Right.

01:29:56.23
Bill
And, but, but the thing of it is, it's just that, um, it, it, all this stuff must've happened. Well, not must've, it did. It just happened. So gradually i didn't realize how fucked up it was, you know?

01:30:06.63
Mike
Right.

01:30:07.42
Bill
And like I said, I mean, I'm all over the goddamn place. I'm climbing fucking mountains on all of our goddamn trails.

01:30:12.23
Mike
Right.

01:30:13.48
Bill
I'm not some, not some fucking ah slovenly, you know, cheeseburger drooling, you know, fucking whatever dude, you know, out in the middle of

01:30:17.02
Mike
Yeah.

01:30:20.28
Mike
yeah Sitting recliner eating Cheetos.

01:30:23.23
Bill
Yeah, I, it's just, it, it was, but but it, but that's my point. That's why I was, you know, kind of like, seriously, when I said that it, all that shit didn't matter. I mean, it did obviously help me, um you know, but what's, what's going on in there was just going fucking happen either way.

01:30:30.89
Mike
Yeah. Hmm. Sure.

01:30:37.99
Bill
um You know, but yeah, I don't know.

01:30:38.04
Mike
Yep.

01:30:40.10
Bill
Just again, I got to tell everyone, just take the, go get it checked out. Whatever you got, fucking get it checked out.

01:30:43.48
Mike
e

01:30:44.91
Bill
I'm serious, man.

01:30:45.73
Mike
Right.

01:30:46.13
Bill
You know, you know, just, it's a, it's an opportunity. And if you're, if you're sober, Um, you know, and you're hopefully, you know, obviously sober and listening to this or even thinking about it.

01:30:53.85
Mike
Mm hmm.

01:30:54.92
Bill
Um, this is the, the responsibility that we, that we have. Um, I, I feel that responsibility to other people.

01:30:58.30
Mike
Right.

01:31:01.62
Mike
ah

01:31:01.78
Bill
And when we talk about that, I mean that, you know, i I'd like to stick around for myself. There's some shit I want to do, but, um, I do, I want to stick around for other people. I don't want to put people through unnecessary pain and grief, you know?

01:31:12.66
Mike
Right.

01:31:13.32
Bill
And just based on my own fucking laziness and stupidity, I almost did that. I don't, I don't want to be that person. I, we don't have to live that way anymore, you know?

01:31:20.27
Mike
Right.

01:31:21.45
Bill
So anyhow, so there, all right.

01:31:22.78
Mike
Cool. Right. Well, all right. We done.

01:31:27.30
Bill
i think we're, yeah, yeah, we're done. We're done. It's, it's been a, it's been a long day and a long night. And thank you for, thank you for indulging my, my story for a little bit longer than, than that.

01:31:33.63
Mike
Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, you know, I, I kind of wanted to hear it and I'm sure somebody else out there wanted to hear it too.

01:31:35.80
Bill
So.

01:31:40.88
Bill
Yeah. and again, like i I didn't lie. Like i said, spoiler alert. I lived.

01:31:44.84
Mike
um

01:31:45.20
Bill
It's okay.

01:31:45.79
Mike
Yep. a

01:31:48.29
Bill
All right, man. Your turn.

01:31:49.66
Mike
All right. Well, thank you everyone for listening to yet another episode of Sober Now Mature. always, be kind to each other, be good to each other, go out there and do something nice for somebody else this week and don't tell anybody did it.

01:32:02.83
Mike
And if you're having a fucking problem, get some goddamn help. All right. Now, whatever that problem is, now from the bottom of my heart and Bill's heart to the depths of my soul from the beginning of time until the ends of the earth, always and eternally, fuck you.

01:32:24.18
Mike
Now it's time, kids. It's time for you to fuck off. It's time for me to fuck off. Then keep fucking off. Keep fucking off till you get to a gate with a sign on it saying you cannot fuck off past here.

01:32:35.91
Mike
Climb over that gate, dream the impossible dream, and keep fucking off forever.

01:32:41.94
Bill
And you know what? I didn't get it yet. I'll play it next week. Norm MacDonald, it reminded me of, he he had this bit about ah about a heart attack and I found i found it. I'll play it. I'll play it next week because I forgot about it.

01:32:51.23
Mike
All right.

01:32:52.09
Bill
But all right, man, travel travel safe and have have fun.

01:32:55.13
Mike
Right.

01:32:55.69
Bill
And anyone and everyone in the the whole family, all these people I don't know, tell them I said hi and all that stuff.

01:33:01.68
Mike
I will.

01:33:02.28
Bill
So all right, man.

01:33:02.87
Mike
Yeah.

01:33:04.14
Bill
All right.

01:33:04.21
Mike
All right.

01:33:04.42
Bill
i but I love you, brother.

01:33:05.70
Mike
I love you too.

01:33:06.90
Bill
We will chat soon.

01:33:08.14
Mike
We shall. Bye.

01:33:09.86
Bill
bye

01:33:10.78
Mike
bye