EP 4: Why 50/50 Isn’t Always Fair in Love and Life

WEBVTT

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Hi guys, welcome back to real love, real life podcast.

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I'm your jasmine and I'm ernesto why do you always do that?

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What like as soon as I end the hi guys, like then I don't know what to say, but today we are talking all things relationships I just feel like dating in 2025 can just be like a big mess horrible from what I've been hearing yeah, friends relatives that are like dating statistics they're like it's ghetto out here like it's rough and I'm so happy that I have you because I'm like I don't have to date yeah, I just look out in the world and be like you hear stories, you're just like, yep, I'm glad, I'm just going home to sleep literally get my back scratched and I'm going like you know what?

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I'm so glad that I just already like, know this man like to the fullest and I love everything about him and I don't have to like I don't know the whole talking stage and stuff is just seems so it's played out.

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I don't know it's tough now because social media has changed the dating game forever yes unless we go back to flip up phones.

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They're just like the availability is just you know, and it's like especially, especially guys.

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Now too, it's like being a horn dog man you just go on your phone and go crazy.

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You know it's like See, that's what I think, that real love still exists.

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You just can't find it, like while you're playing games, you know, and now that we have the phones and you have every single like social media app and you could literally find whatever you want on the phone.

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Any type, like any size, any color, anything can be right there.

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So now it's like eh.

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Yo, it's crazy Our grandparents compared to now.

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You just met one chick and you're doing the whole 50, 75 years together.

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And now it's like, man, you don't really hear about the 25 year anniversaries.

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No, 50, oh no, like probably my grandparents yeah, I remember when they had their 50th anniversary and that generation now it's just roommates yep, my grandpa actually died like three days before their 50 their 50th anniversary that's crazy, yeah that's crazy.

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He didn't make it, but the stress the stress.

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But you know what I feel like a lot of people blame um, men, like oh, it's like the men how you said.

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Like oh, you know, they're horn dogs.

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They could just go on their phone and literally look for whatever they want.

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But I also feel like a lot of women are at fault too.

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Yeah, it's like the security gate.

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They don't even know a security gate, it's just open.

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Yeah, so it's like my mom used to say no dejan nada a la imaginación.

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Like you guys don't leave anything to like imagination anymore, you guys literally just post it.

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Like before a guy would have to work to see it to work, to talk on the phone with you all night.

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Now you could just open the app and you see or having to walk you home from school or some, yes, and like that's all that action you got was just walking in the heat and be like all right, bye, bye, and you just walk home like dang.

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And now you literally like you don't even have to ask, you don't even have to ask, you don't even have to ask.

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You're just like what's up, let me slide, okay.

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Yeah, it's crazy, you just put three words O-M-W on my way On my way, yeah, exactly.

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Eta 15 minutes yeah.

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And I also feel like a lot of people don't want to commit I don't know's like I.

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I think some people might be like oh, the world is hard at like alone as it is, and to be like dragging on with like a whole nother person yeah is is a lot.

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But I posted about this on my social media and like that we were going to do this episode about relationships.

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So people started sending in their questions.

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I told them they could send in any questions or like if they want any advice, anything like that.

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So I picked out, like I think, the best ones so we can jump right into those.

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Somebody said is it wrong to expect 50-50.

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And before you say anything, I feel like I am.

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So how do I say it?

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When it comes to 50-50, I'm like cut the show, Like no.

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Like Bill's 50-50 or everything 50-50?

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.

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I mean.

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Like you clean the dishes one day, I'll clean the dishes the next.

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Well, see like we could talk about both, since they didn't like they weren't specific about it.

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I think when it comes to like finances and stuff, if you guys have to be 50-50, that's your roommate.

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That is not a relationship.

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And I'm not saying, oh, like you know, have the guy like pay for it all, because there has been times that I've held it down and like the first time that you took some time off work, it was like obviously like for like your mental health and stuff like that, and people could talk all they want.

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But it's like, hey, that's my partner and I want him to be good, so you were able to take some time off.

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I did everything like on my own, and then, when I became a mom of three, it was like, hey, then I needed some time, and then you held it down.

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That is like what I mean, that.

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How do I say it?

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That's not 50-50 for you.

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That's not 50-50.

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It's literally whenever somebody needs it or hey, the truck payment is due this amount.

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I don't have this amount.

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Hey, you don't even have to ask me, like here you know, and I just feel like there's couples that like even I know a couple like they budget, like on the 15th you're gonna send me I know a couple that makes copies of their grocery receipts and then the other person has to like deposit, like half if she, if.

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If that person was the one that went to the grocery store, like she'll get home, she'll scan the receipt put it on her phone and then she'll send a picture of him, a picture of the receipt, and then he has to like send in the money boxing, I'm boxing that's crazy.

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If you ask me for half of the grocery bill, I just leave the potatoes like on the table and be like cook for yourself.

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That's, that's crazy work.

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What do?

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the kids say nowadays that's crazy, that's crazy work like that.

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That's literally a roommate.

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Hey, like you're going to eat half of the potatoes.

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Give me the money.

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Yeah, that's.

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I don't believe in 50 50.

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That's crazy, I just don't, I I don't believe in 50-50.

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That's crazy, I just don't, I think.

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But what if they're happy?

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You think a woman could truly be happy like that?

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I don't think a woman could truly be happy like that.

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That's my opinion.

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I mean, if they wrote it on here, they want my opinion and that's my opinion.

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I don't believe in 50-50.

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I think it's tacky.

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And Like, basically you're saying Is that what you're trying to say?

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Yeah, I feel like you know you're basically 50-50,.

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You're kind of like tiptoeing around, like hmm.

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I might have an option or two with this guy.

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I just don't like it.

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So is it wrong to expect 50-50?

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Yeah, but what do you think?

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50-50?

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.

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I think a guy always has to be like, try to be, you know, lead wolf, you know head of the pack, and obviously you're not always going to be perfect, so sometimes you need a good woman as a foundation to make you stronger.

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So it's like, yeah, man, it took time off work.

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But it's like people see a minor setback, but they don't see the major comeback Because as soon as I, soon as we I got back to work, two months later we got our house because I uh filled out the credit application to buy a brand new home yeah and the what is it?

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the realtor lender yeah, they're like, oh no, he has to be at the company this long and it's like homegirl that union money to talk different yeah because as soon as I filled the application, 10 minutes later they're calling me.

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Yeah, hey, you're approved, congrats, yeah, and it's like two months.

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What union money, what?

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yeah because even when I told her the wage, she's like, wow, no, you're good, like go pick out whatever you want, pretty much yeah.

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And we literally went into the mindset of like we got to get the smallest house, which was the Leslie, yeah.

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And we're like, oh, this is fantastic.

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And by the time it was time to get a house, we got the Julie B, which was the biggest one, yeah.

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And it's like you know what I mean.

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I might have took time off work, but look at the major comeback, coming roaring back, steaming ahead, yeah, back coming roaring back, steaming ahead, yeah.

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And then it's like, even later on, still, you know, you know, took time off work again.

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It's like now, it's like now I'm trying to shoot even higher.

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And it's like I have, you know, luckily now a boss in my corner that he wants to see me become superintendent, he wants to see me retire there, like he sees stuff in me that I don't and I feel like that's why I came back here, because I'm like I've never had somebody other than football coaches and your own dad.

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You always take them for granted, but also this guy can actually have moves in real life, I can make more money.

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And it's like now it's like coming back to more bread.

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In August we get a $3 raise.

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Like.

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So it's like you as a man, you got to hit it hard Like every day.

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It sounds corny, but you have to hit it hard 110%.

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Show up and show them what you're made out of, just like my dad taught me and that's what I tell your brother.

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You know, we've been grinding these days, days, working tens in the seat and all that.

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And I'm like, hey, man, whatever you put in, you get out.

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But like you gotta have the house.

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Like that kobe has been on my algorithm.

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So I'm like you gotta straight up, have that mamba mentality and show up and just outwork these guys.

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Like, yeah, you can be friends with them.

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But I was like you gotta show up, be the best and make that bread, you know.

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So it's like you know that's gonna benefit your relationship.

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You're and make that bread, you know.

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So it's like you know that's going to benefit your relationship.

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You're going to start making that bread.

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And then now your girl's going to be happy.

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You're going to take her out to eat, maybe buy her a little thing or two.

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She's going to.

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You know it's like money, don't?

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It doesn't buy happiness, but it does buy freedom.

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Oh yeah, if you're not financially free it's a rat race.

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So it's like 50-50 to me is like kind of like you.

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It's like if you're not going to commit to each other and really go all in, don't waste your time.

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If you're going to be 50-50, I guess, if that works, to each their own.

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At the end of the day, to each their own.

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If you're truly happy, do what you got to do.

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But men and women complement each other.

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Man and women compliment each other.

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You know, I feel like that's why some people do the 50-50 is because they're like why do I have to pay your groceries?

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Or like why do I?

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have to pay your part of the light bill, the light that you use.

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I just almost get that feeling like you're not committed and I don't know, and I feel like those relationships too, is like why are you wasting your time doing that?

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That's not making money.

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But what if it's like you're, I don't know, trying to be more financially literate and you're reading books and it's like they're just?

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Why are you wasting your time?

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Go work or get a side job To?

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Each their own.

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For me, just why are you?

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wasting your time.

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Go work or get a side job.

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So To each their own.

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For me, yeah to each their own.

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We don't, we don't like believe in 50-50.

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We don't like 50-50.

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We just literally what what's mine is mine and what's his is mine.

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Yeah, pretty much, just kidding.

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Okay, somebody says how do you know if I'm, how do I know if I'm settling or being realistic?

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How do I know if I'm settling or being realistic?

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How do I?

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know if I'm settling or being realistic.

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That just makes my brain turn off.

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I felt like that made my brain hurt, so I was like I'm going to leave that to Ernesto.

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What.

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How do I know if I'm settling or being realistic?

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That just gave me a brain fart fart.

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So that tells you everything about that damn question.

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But to answer it, um so, basically the scenario, let's make a scenario of like you're in a small town, okay, manufacturing is the biggest thing, union, blue collar.

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It's like you went to high school.

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The guy was a all-american, you know he couldn't make it to the league, so he had to settle for the blue collar.

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There's nothing wrong with that, no, so yeah, it's comfortable living.

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So she's like am I settling?

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Or maybe she may be attractive, and you know what I mean.

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So it's like can she put herself out there and like maybe get like a high-quality, more quality guy or stick to like the comfortable you know he's going to provide you with the ex life you know.

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Yeah.

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So I mean, at the end of the day, you just have to be at peace, that's all.

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Life is man.

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It don't matter.

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You can have a lot of money and still be miserable.

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Literally I was going to say, like that question kind of like made my brain hurt, but at the end of the day, like you said, just as long as you're happy and you're at peace, Because if you're not, that's literally going to eat you alive.

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If he's a good dad, he works hard and he's literally trying his utmost hard to like give you the best possible life.

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There's nothing wrong with that, you know.

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There's nothing wrong with, like a more humble life and you know, nothing has the flashy stuff is like a firecracker.

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It's just in the moment it blows up.

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Oh, but realistically, behind the scenes, there's no happiness, there's no longevity.

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It's just, it's not organic.

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So if you're happy, you know if he's a good dude, he's trying hard man, there's nothing wrong with that.

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If he's not, you know, if he's making 60 Gs a year, and you're happy, that's all good, you're successful, that's all that matters.

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You're happy.

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Yep, okay, somebody says why do men act different after they get you?

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Well, think about it.

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Put it this way when you're like you haven't bought me roses, like when have you seen a fisherman put more bait on the hook for a fish he already caught?

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No, just kidding, but it's because.

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That's why, I guess, women have to make you wait, because, like the anticipation, the, you're building it up mentally and it's like once you conquer, it's like once you claim the top of the mountain, like you get that dopamine rush, and then after it's like all right no, well, I have to say I've I've told you before I feel like you treat me better now, that like after kids, after all these years being together yeah I actually feel like you treat me better now than when we were just like dating yeah, dating like I feel like now it's always like and you know me like so well, like you know that I'm gonna like come out of the room and be like I don't like this outfit, so you kind of like beat me to the punch.

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Like I come out of the room and you're like, wow, like you look so beautiful or stuff like that or I feel like those were little things that you wouldn't do before and now you do it yeah, you were actually you're like he's a tool and how so I don't know, I guess not all guys are like that I'm here to I'm here.

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There's not.

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Guess not all guys are like that I'm here to.

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There's not a lot of guys that like obviously mature and reflect and obviously be a better man and obviously stuff changes when you're a father.

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That's what Renee's like I can't your brother, your brother.

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It's funny because like I feel like I kind of see the young me and like you know the people that are younger than me that are going through the same steps that I was once in.

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So you try to put them on game, trying to be like I'm already, like the old head and I'm 29 years old.

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You know what I'm saying.

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But it's all about the mentality.

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It's like, you know, I was young and dumb and I was living in the fast lane and obviously I didn't appreciate you as much.

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And well, obviously now, with kids and a family in the house, it's like that's all we have at the end of the day.

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It's like my parents are getting old.

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Family is just nonexistent.

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Strangers have done more for us than our own family and friends.

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You know what I'm saying.

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So it's like it's crazy.

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Yeah.

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So I don't think that all men are like that.

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I think that and you don't have to like already find a man, that's all mature and you know ready to go, which that's great, right.

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But obviously when we met you weren't mature yet, but obviously, like you had a job, you had your own car, things like that.

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But, like your mentality was very different.

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Like I said, now I feel like I get so much more like love and respect and things like that.

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So just to let you know, not all men are like that and if you find the right one, you're going to get the one that even after years and years of being together, like he's still going to be right there trying to.

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You know light it up.

00:17:54.511 --> 00:18:02.381
Yeah, it's like why do you think the, the old generation, are way more happier because they got that old classic?

00:18:02.381 --> 00:18:07.211
And then you know it might be 50 years old, but they're right there just cleaning the Chrome.

00:18:07.211 --> 00:18:07.874
You know what I mean.

00:18:07.874 --> 00:18:14.675
And yeah, it might not start up like a new hellcat or some and you might have to the old viewing.

00:18:14.695 --> 00:18:19.411
the old viewing started you know, giving a little gas and you're over there just turning it.

00:18:19.592 --> 00:18:21.439
No, I'm just kidding, you know it's like.

00:18:21.439 --> 00:18:27.714
If you don't appreciate what you have, like you know it's how do you get blessed with more too?

00:18:27.714 --> 00:18:29.178
It's like yeah and I've.

00:18:29.178 --> 00:18:33.214
You know it's like men and women were made for each other.

00:18:33.214 --> 00:18:33.615
You know it's.

00:18:33.845 --> 00:18:51.817
They balance each other and it's like if he's using you for the box, then hey, you got to realize that, you know some guys, some guys are sneaky, they're cunning like a Fox, you know, they just play, play the part, probably talking to other chicks too, and it's like I don't know.

00:18:51.817 --> 00:19:05.526
Obviously a guy's gonna act a little bit different because he conquered, so but then if he doesn't appreciate it, then yeah, he's just using you, but it's time to go I guess, just be vigilant yeah, use it to your own.

00:19:06.146 --> 00:19:06.366
Um.

00:19:06.366 --> 00:19:12.659
Somebody says how do I know if this is true love or if I'm just attached?

00:19:13.226 --> 00:19:16.855
I feel I can I can say that.

00:19:16.855 --> 00:19:23.250
So not a lot of people know and it's probably I guess I've never asked you if you feel comfortable with me talking about my past life.

00:19:23.250 --> 00:19:33.115
A lot of people don't know that I had like a past relationship, um, and it was basically the only thing that I knew.

00:19:33.115 --> 00:19:43.175
You know, I was with this man, like since I was literally a kid, you can say, and it was literally the only thing I knew.

00:19:43.645 --> 00:19:50.596
And when I grew up and I matured, I realized that I wasn't in love with him.

00:19:50.596 --> 00:20:03.967
I didn't love him it was the only thing I knew it was almost like I was like brainwashed, since I was like little yeah and, and I didn't know anything outside of that.

00:20:03.967 --> 00:20:06.530
So I thought that it was love, but it wasn't.

00:20:06.530 --> 00:20:09.295
I was like scared to walk away from it.

00:20:09.295 --> 00:20:09.734
I was.

00:20:09.734 --> 00:20:14.287
I thought there was nothing else out there like.

00:20:14.307 --> 00:20:14.949
This is the end.

00:20:14.949 --> 00:20:15.569
All be all.

00:20:15.569 --> 00:20:16.652
This is yeah.

00:20:16.731 --> 00:20:26.238
So finally, when I was, you know, when I put my big girl pants on and I decided to basically like run away, um, and.

00:20:26.238 --> 00:20:32.836
And then that's when, like you know, I like ran into you and stuff and people thought that it was like really fast.

00:20:32.836 --> 00:20:44.128
Like everybody was like so mind blown, like dude, you just like left your eight, nine year relationship and it's been five months and like you're already seeing this guy, I just like it was.

00:20:44.128 --> 00:20:48.018
It was like I had never as corny as it sounds, like I had never felt that before.

00:20:48.305 --> 00:20:48.707
Yeah.

00:20:49.209 --> 00:20:51.665
I had never felt like like.

00:20:51.665 --> 00:20:55.154
I like this person, I want to be with this person I had.

00:20:55.154 --> 00:20:57.767
That was the first time that I felt that with you.

00:20:58.587 --> 00:21:01.952
Um so through in the truck.

00:21:02.012 --> 00:21:13.106
Yeah, so, um, I feel like, at least for me it took some time, but when I knew, I knew, knew and I was like I have to get out of here, like immediately.

00:21:14.229 --> 00:21:45.376
And and that's when I left and literally like never turned back- so, I mean really like just, you're going to know, you're going to know, like a lot of times, um, we're just, we just get so comfortable too yeah, and it's like, especially once you start hooking up, like you're just gonna be like bonded by that, not just like true relationship and meaning, like obviously you know you transfer energy.

00:21:45.376 --> 00:21:47.769
So it's like yeah you know what I mean.

00:21:47.769 --> 00:21:48.872
So it's like got to be.

00:21:48.872 --> 00:22:00.869
That's a slippery slope right there, and once you get, comfortable with somebody and it's like kind of like the chick said like am I settling?

00:22:00.890 --> 00:22:01.590
Yeah, and it's like they're not.

00:22:01.590 --> 00:22:02.972
Each party is not even happy.

00:22:02.972 --> 00:22:05.958
They're just like damn I work, like damn I got to go home.

00:22:05.958 --> 00:22:07.380
I don't even really like this chick.

00:22:07.380 --> 00:22:28.008
Yeah, you have to really like pay attention to those things and put it this way funny at work I heard like basically a dude said like man, if the chick's hotter, like I'm divorcing my girl and I'm just like no way damn dog like and I'm just like and I was like.

00:22:28.028 --> 00:22:35.643
I was like, I was like you know, I was like that's the same kind of chick that wouldn't turn turn when you don't have nothing, or you know what I mean.

00:22:35.643 --> 00:22:42.227
If you're pulling up in a little bucket, they're gonna overlook you, but if you put up in the coop, then they're like, hey, who's this guy?

00:22:42.247 --> 00:22:51.617
so it's like that chick ain't for you, bro she just looks better than that's so sad because it's gonna come to the day where she's not going to be hot anymore.

00:22:51.617 --> 00:22:56.454
Like you know all that, like I don't know how do you say it in English La belleza se acaba.

00:22:56.454 --> 00:22:59.750
Like you know, there comes a day that the beauty fades.

00:22:59.911 --> 00:23:00.672
You get wrinkles.

00:23:01.053 --> 00:23:04.159
And then what, and then what Like.

00:23:05.204 --> 00:23:19.115
That's why I said the old Cadillac polishing that chrome, it's a 1957 Bel Air and I was like, kept in the garage, still runs good, polishing the chrome you got to take care of you know.

00:23:19.115 --> 00:23:21.244
A real blessing, you know.

00:23:21.244 --> 00:23:23.333
And it's like a good woman.

00:23:23.333 --> 00:23:24.710
What does a good book say?

00:23:24.710 --> 00:23:29.636
A good woman is worth more than all the rubies in the world.

00:23:29.636 --> 00:23:33.015
So it's like, you know, that's wealth, that's true wealth.

00:23:33.015 --> 00:23:36.675
You can build a family, build an empire, you know.

00:23:36.675 --> 00:23:42.198
So you just got to really take care of what you have.

00:23:42.505 --> 00:23:48.619
And to that guy that said that just know that your wife would leave you too for a hotter man yeah.

00:23:48.619 --> 00:23:55.538
But somebody says how do you and Ernesto keep the spark alive after you guys had kids?

00:23:55.538 --> 00:23:57.480
You both work, etc.

00:23:57.480 --> 00:24:00.164
Well, because.

00:24:00.184 --> 00:24:00.826
I'm a dog.

00:24:01.530 --> 00:24:07.723
Well, we we use recording nights as, like, sometimes, a little date night.

00:24:07.723 --> 00:24:12.757
It doesn't have to be something anything fancy, like literally anything.

00:24:12.757 --> 00:24:18.164
Go to Chipotle after, like, grab something to eat, even if you're eating in the car.

00:24:18.164 --> 00:24:47.160
Like take the time, spend a little bit of time without the screaming kids, the bajillion questions, because, like, we love our kids but they really know how to overstimulate the heck out of me and guess who I take it out on me guess who has to fix it me so, and when we go on dates like it feels so refreshing yeah like it's.

00:24:47.420 --> 00:25:01.257
It's literally like it's a first date all over again yeah I can like, genuinely like, ask him like how was work and stuff without being cut off, without having to make a pb, and j like, in the middle of it, um, wiping somebody?

00:25:01.257 --> 00:25:18.358
Like you know, I love our kids but it's a lot yeah, it's a lot and find some time with your spouse um where it's just the two of you yeah, that is so healthy life is always about the fundamentals.

00:25:18.599 --> 00:25:31.155
So it's like the little things you know, maybe holding hands, yeah, you know hold, you know wrap your hand around, or give a little peck on the head, you know on the forehead and um, still kind of like try to date her.

00:25:31.155 --> 00:25:39.009
You know just like, yeah, you, you know, you conquered, you got her, you bagged her, but it's like all right, you know what I mean.

00:25:39.009 --> 00:25:40.311
Like treat her out.

00:25:40.311 --> 00:25:44.720
You know, don't still try to date, date her, buy her flowers.

00:25:44.720 --> 00:25:47.605
You know, go out your way, take initiative.

00:25:47.605 --> 00:25:54.218
Don't just be like, yeah, let's go to In-N-Out, let's go through the drive-thru, let's get some canes and go home.

00:25:54.490 --> 00:25:56.336
It's like no dude, take me to like a restaurant.

00:25:56.336 --> 00:25:56.919
Let's sit down.

00:25:58.372 --> 00:26:08.219
Or like when we were broke, you know, obviously like we couldn't do bigger things like that, we literally just had to do something super simple.

00:26:08.219 --> 00:26:14.032
Or date night at home, but had to do something super simple.

00:26:14.053 --> 00:26:45.101
or date night at home, but, like recently, we went to disneyland without the kids and that's probably the best decision I've ever made in my life you had a good time I had a great time and again we go to disneyland and we're just like one kid wants to eat one thing, the other wants to eat something else, and then, like you're standing in these long lines, it's hot and it felt so good to be at Disneyland and not having to look after three kids and the big old backpack of snacks and like all of that.

00:26:45.330 --> 00:26:47.278
You got all the portable chargers on you.

00:26:47.278 --> 00:26:49.897
You got the solar one hanging off your backpack.

00:26:49.897 --> 00:27:00.494
It felt so good for it to like just be us for once, and I feel like a lot of people like were they were asking questions too about the valentine's.

00:27:00.977 --> 00:27:12.542
You know what is it called the sweetheart sweetheart night, yeah, it was a really good time and and I think, um, that's really important like, just find the time again, maybe.

00:27:12.542 --> 00:27:24.423
No, you know, maybe you can't go to disneyland right now, but you can go on a date even a stroll to the park yeah, without the kids without the kids please, um, but yeah, I feel like you know we both work.

00:27:24.423 --> 00:27:25.292
We're very busy.

00:27:25.292 --> 00:27:31.339
I work all days, like sometimes you get home from work and I'm still working yeah, literally, I get home from work and I'm still working.

00:27:31.290 --> 00:27:37.151
Yeah, literally, I get home from work and I just fall asleep you're exhausted, you have to find the time, okay, so don't get too excited.

00:27:37.151 --> 00:27:45.851
We're gonna go get something to eat after this oh yeah how do I rebuild the trust after he broke it?

00:27:45.851 --> 00:27:48.738
It's possible.

00:27:48.738 --> 00:27:52.685
You have to really want to, though yeah, I'm not perfect guys.

00:27:52.747 --> 00:28:05.833
I made plenty of mistakes, done some foolish stuff, but I think women truly know your intentions and you know a guy's greatest downfall is always lust and women.

00:28:05.833 --> 00:28:09.239
So as a guy you got to be able to control that.

00:28:09.239 --> 00:28:12.864
But you got to be careful.

00:28:13.585 --> 00:28:19.942
Yeah, but I feel like if you really want it, you can rebuild it.

00:28:19.942 --> 00:28:24.682
Obviously you're not going to be like a dummy and you know it's going to keep happening and happening.

00:28:24.682 --> 00:28:26.096
No like the limit.

00:28:26.250 --> 00:28:29.538
You're just looking on the GPS and it's sitting outside a random house.

00:28:29.597 --> 00:28:36.380
Yeah, I think that it's possible if you really, if you really want it yeah, you know, talk about it.

00:28:36.380 --> 00:28:45.501
If he's willing to change and and you know, do different, then give the dude a chance again.

00:28:46.584 --> 00:28:59.564
And yeah, if you see the same patterns like all right yeah, but if homie made a mistake and then then he stops going out, he stops doing like going in the restroom for an hour and it takes some time.

00:28:59.789 --> 00:29:01.954
It takes some time to like rebuild.

00:29:01.954 --> 00:29:11.029
So don't think like oh, you're, you know I, I don't feel the trust there again, like by tomorrow I'm, I'm leaving she's over there anytime he leaves the house.

00:29:11.089 --> 00:29:12.494
she's over there bending the corner.

00:29:12.494 --> 00:29:22.118
Yeah, like, remember that one time I told you I got a phone call, homie got the flat tire, pulls up to west gate parking lot.

00:29:22.118 --> 00:29:25.364
Got a flat tire there was.

00:29:25.364 --> 00:29:50.800
And from the time I got the phone call and got there and we put that car in a jack, his baby mama pulled up and, like you know, with the kids and all I look up, I'm literally on the floor working on it and then I look up and I see their car and I was like, oh, I was just thinking in my head like oh, she just pulled up and seen, you know.

00:29:51.221 --> 00:29:51.583
Yeah.

00:29:51.911 --> 00:29:55.740
Because I got here first, but then it's like the next weekend we're hanging out.

00:29:55.740 --> 00:30:00.798
He's like yeah, she just pulled up randomly and I'm like, I'm like damn dog.

00:30:00.798 --> 00:30:08.478
She had him on a tractor From getting off of work to getting a flat tire, she was already like like a response team.

00:30:08.538 --> 00:30:20.336
Like damn, I need to be in that area code with that police response because she got there in a split second and I'm just like you know if you got to do that stuff because you don't trust the guy.

00:30:20.336 --> 00:30:22.537
Yeah, man, god bless your soul.

00:30:22.576 --> 00:30:24.690
But that's too much, that's exhausting.

00:30:24.690 --> 00:30:30.054
I'm not going to sit here and lie and be like, oh, like I never like wasted time, like checking his phone.

00:30:30.054 --> 00:30:33.941
I used to be like that and now I'm going to be really honest.

00:30:33.941 --> 00:30:34.521
I don't.

00:30:34.521 --> 00:30:35.663
I can't remember.

00:30:35.663 --> 00:30:39.425
I remember last time I couldn't unlock your phone because I couldn't remember the password.

00:30:39.425 --> 00:30:41.268
And you're like I haven't changed my passcode.

00:30:41.268 --> 00:30:51.565
It's been the same one, but it's been so long that I have forgot your passcode because I'm like I don't feel like, like the need to.

00:30:51.769 --> 00:30:55.300
I just feel like that's like a really unhealthy life.

00:30:55.300 --> 00:30:58.660
Like her to literally like pull up.

00:30:58.660 --> 00:31:07.277
If you pulled up with kids and everything right when that happened, that means that you're just always like ready to go Like you're already expecting it.

00:31:07.650 --> 00:31:08.715
It's not even the worst part.

00:31:08.715 --> 00:31:09.455
He found recorders in his car.

00:31:09.455 --> 00:31:10.243
No, yeah, it's not even the worst part.

00:31:10.243 --> 00:31:10.910
He found recorders in his car no.

00:31:10.910 --> 00:31:12.213
Yeah, it's bad.

00:31:12.213 --> 00:31:16.057
Yeah, that's bad I was like that's doing too much.

00:31:16.198 --> 00:31:16.838
That's doing too much.

00:31:16.878 --> 00:31:21.121
God bless your soul, but dang, I don't got that kind of energy, no, nor the time in the day.

00:31:21.369 --> 00:31:26.875
I can say I've never been that crazy to like air tag you in voice recording, I no.

00:31:26.875 --> 00:31:29.178
But you can rebuild.

00:31:29.178 --> 00:31:33.301
It takes time, work it out If the other person wants to work it out.

00:31:33.301 --> 00:31:34.742
Yeah it's possible.

00:31:35.663 --> 00:31:36.585
Not with everybody.

00:31:37.226 --> 00:31:42.698
Not with everybody, but I mean, we're still here so I can tell you that it's possible.

00:31:42.698 --> 00:31:44.698
And, yes, I do trust him.

00:31:44.698 --> 00:31:48.200
I don't check his phone anymore, things like that.

00:31:48.200 --> 00:31:51.823
I truly, truly trust him, him.

00:31:51.823 --> 00:32:04.095
If, like, one day, something were to come out, then like, oh well, that will be like your loss, but I trust again and I feel like we both put in the work so it can happen.

00:32:04.095 --> 00:32:09.462
Um, how long?

00:32:09.462 --> 00:32:11.566
I feel like I know who sent this.

00:32:11.566 --> 00:32:16.200
How long is too long dating?

00:32:16.200 --> 00:32:18.397
When will he make a move?

00:32:18.397 --> 00:32:24.701
Girl, I can tell you that we moved in.

00:32:24.701 --> 00:32:27.130
I'm not saying this has to be for everybody.

00:32:27.130 --> 00:32:34.035
We moved in five months within like talking hot like basically dating five months we were living together.

00:32:34.496 --> 00:32:36.219
I know some people be like, oh, that's red flags.

00:32:36.219 --> 00:32:38.001
Other people be like, oh, that's too fast.

00:32:38.001 --> 00:32:41.978
I'm just like is it going to get done, or is it going to get done If not?

00:32:42.118 --> 00:32:44.817
it was fast and I feel like there is a lot of friction.

00:32:44.817 --> 00:32:54.175
So it might be gotta get you gotta gradually go into that.

00:32:54.175 --> 00:32:56.807
I feel like when you just move in with somebody that's completely different from you, it's gonna be friction.

00:32:56.807 --> 00:32:57.269
You know what I mean.

00:32:57.269 --> 00:33:07.015
So obviously there are some you know, premature fights, but you're just learning to be with a whole, nother human being yeah, which again I'm not.

00:33:07.194 --> 00:33:12.964
I'm not encouraging anybody to move in with a stranger like within like five months.

00:33:14.192 --> 00:33:16.119
But we also knew each other from school, middle school.

00:33:16.119 --> 00:33:21.803
So it's like our situation is kind of like a little different, I guess.

00:33:24.156 --> 00:33:37.097
So I don't know, I wouldn't be able to tell you like exactly the months and all that to be, but I mean if it's been I mean, isn't there new, new things coming out?

00:33:37.198 --> 00:33:42.251
if you've been together five years, you're technically married yeah, I don't know.

00:33:42.752 --> 00:33:54.531
I think if I were to be dating a man for like six months and there's no sign of anything, like you I need, I need to know more details.

00:33:54.531 --> 00:34:09.543
But I feel like if it's been like five, six months and you know I'm not like officially like your girlfriend yet, or like we haven't like met each other's, like people and stuff, like our circles, like you're, kind of wasting my time you're wasting my time.

00:34:09.543 --> 00:34:16.240
If you're not trying to be my husband, get out of my husband's way wow no, I'm serious, like it's.

00:34:17.123 --> 00:34:28.152
I just feel like people, like, are just wasting people's times nowadays and I'm telling you, I feel like I know who sent this in and I just feel like it's a waste of time.

00:34:28.152 --> 00:34:31.041
But I mean, I mean, to each their own right.

00:34:31.041 --> 00:34:32.855
I just I would say five, six months.

00:34:32.855 --> 00:34:33.315
What about you?

00:34:35.221 --> 00:34:35.601
Dating.

00:34:35.601 --> 00:34:44.775
I think you could just kind of tell After a couple months it's like you're either going to, it's like poker, you're either going to go all in or not.

00:34:44.775 --> 00:34:45.597
Yeah, you know what I mean.

00:34:45.918 --> 00:34:46.159
Yeah.

00:34:46.309 --> 00:34:47.572
Doing those little side bets.

00:34:47.572 --> 00:34:48.976
The side beds ain't working out.

00:34:56.349 --> 00:34:58.690
Somebody says should I wait for him to get it together or just walk away?

00:34:58.690 --> 00:35:01.757
What are you, his mother?

00:35:01.757 --> 00:35:07.072
I'm not waiting, like no you don't, that's tough.

00:35:07.072 --> 00:35:13.036
Again goes again to if you know, if you're not going to be my husband, get out of my husband's way Like you need to get it together.

00:35:13.476 --> 00:35:15.277
I mean people sending around.

00:35:16.679 --> 00:35:18.280
I don't know in what like way.

00:35:18.280 --> 00:35:23.844
Like she means it, but I mean everybody like in here is an adult.

00:35:24.784 --> 00:35:34.186
So don't, don't put up with nobody, no no like know your worth and it's like if you're wasting my time, keep it pushing.

00:35:34.708 --> 00:35:39.922
Kick rocks yeah so I don't think it's fair to you to wait for anybody to get it together.

00:35:40.469 --> 00:35:47.302
So somebody says do you believe that you can date while healing?

00:35:47.302 --> 00:35:49.876
Absolutely, absolutely, because I did it.

00:35:49.876 --> 00:36:01.030
I think when people say like, oh, you need to like completely heal and you need to completely find yourself and all that which, I'm not saying that that's wrong, but I'm not saying that you can't do it the other way either.

00:36:01.030 --> 00:36:02.632
I was completely broken.

00:36:02.632 --> 00:36:15.894
I was healing, I was I literally like I didn't know who I was when we started talking and I feel like you played a huge part into me, like healing and all of that.

00:36:15.894 --> 00:36:28.713
And yeah, I guess it sucks that, like you know, you had to kind of like put pieces together, like into something that you didn't break, but I feel like that's what's also like made us closer and stuff so.

00:36:28.753 --> 00:36:31.902
I do believe that you can date while healing and stuff.

00:36:31.902 --> 00:36:40.764
What if, like, you're healing and you're just so closed into, like you know, your little circle that you completely like watch the love of your life walk by?

00:36:40.945 --> 00:36:41.144
Yeah.

00:36:42.130 --> 00:36:48.615
And you're just like ignoring him, because you're like I'm healing right now I'm healing but, what if God sent him to heal you?

00:36:48.797 --> 00:36:52.463
Yeah, exactly, you're asking for a sign and the signs there, yeah.

00:36:54.530 --> 00:36:56.318
So I do think so.

00:36:56.318 --> 00:36:58.992
Is it wrong to have standards?

00:36:58.992 --> 00:37:00.699
I feel like that's why I'm single.

00:37:03.070 --> 00:37:08.882
Well, I feel like there is a lot of dudes that just they need to get it together.

00:37:08.882 --> 00:37:10.034
They need to do better.

00:37:10.034 --> 00:37:12.057
Like yeah, do better please.

00:37:12.057 --> 00:37:18.317
And it's like I feel like if guys are on point, then women are just going to be on point.

00:37:18.317 --> 00:37:27.534
So it's like I don't know, that's what like at the end of the day, guys, we're like man, the dating scene is so tough now, but men are just so weak now.

00:37:27.534 --> 00:37:29.177
We're in a weak civilization.

00:37:29.177 --> 00:37:29.418
Right now.

00:37:29.418 --> 00:37:38.260
There's a lot of weak men and, like the saying goes, guys, weak men create hard times.

00:37:38.260 --> 00:37:46.443
Thankfully, you know, our grandparents and parents were, you know, hard chargers and all that.

00:37:46.443 --> 00:37:50.960
But you know, hard workers create easy, easy times.

00:37:50.960 --> 00:38:01.634
Those easy times are creating weak men and these men ain't even up to par and it's like, don't feel bad that you're like not, you know, settling like yeah.

00:38:01.695 --> 00:38:47.498
another person said but um, it's definitely a tough dating scene, but just stay patient, work on yourself and the right person will come I think absolutely like you should have your standards yeah, you have to I feel like a lot of guys now just want to be like the little passenger princess um guys don't even know how to change the tire don't get me started on that, because yeah, like the, I see so many guys now that just no changing tires, no like, or the girls pumping the gas and they're sitting there in the passenger seat on the phone like this yeah, leaning back and the girl is like out there in 120 degree weather pumping the gas absolutely Dang.

00:38:47.677 --> 00:38:48.619
Absolutely not.

00:38:48.619 --> 00:38:51.525
So it's okay, baby girl, to have your standards.

00:38:52.489 --> 00:38:54.577
Yeah, you got to know your worth.

00:38:54.757 --> 00:39:00.989
Yeah, can marriage really survive an infidelity?

00:39:00.989 --> 00:39:04.300
This kind of goes with the one like the building trust after broken.

00:39:04.300 --> 00:39:13.393
I think it can survive it if you both want it to and if the other person is like actually willing to change.

00:39:13.393 --> 00:39:35.836
But I think also, like what's really important is that you obviously like, when you know, let's say, if you're the one that gets cheated on, you kind of have to stop like, if you want it to work out, you have to stop having like all these like trust issues and stuff if not, you're just, it's something that you're just always like picking at.

00:39:36.117 --> 00:39:36.398
Yeah.

00:39:37.547 --> 00:39:39.114
And it's like what are you doing it for?

00:39:39.114 --> 00:39:50.954
Either leave him completely, if you're not going to trust him anymore, if you're just always going to be on edge, right there, you know, with the tracker and all this stuff.

00:39:50.954 --> 00:39:53.693
So if that's going to be, you, just leave him.

00:39:53.693 --> 00:39:54.454
Just leave him.

00:39:54.454 --> 00:39:56.472
You're never going to be like at peace.

00:39:56.472 --> 00:40:02.016
But if you're like, you know what I love this man, this marriage, like everything.

00:40:02.016 --> 00:40:08.739
I'm going to give it another shot, Lay it to rest and you know like basically like start again.

00:40:09.019 --> 00:40:11.612
Pretty much yeah, I think that it's possible.

00:40:12.106 --> 00:40:12.989
It's a lot of work.

00:40:12.989 --> 00:40:19.925
It's a lot of work from both, from both that it's possible.

00:40:19.945 --> 00:40:20.306
It's a lot of work.

00:40:20.306 --> 00:40:21.088
It's a lot of work from both, from both.

00:40:21.108 --> 00:40:21.811
But it definitely can happen.

00:40:21.811 --> 00:40:34.273
Yeah, and then the last one I actually thought was really funny, because we know somebody that like this what, what are your thoughts on?

00:40:34.273 --> 00:40:38.458
Broke and booed up like what are?

00:40:38.498 --> 00:40:39.099
what are our?

00:40:39.179 --> 00:40:43.632
thoughts basically on like someone that is broke but that wants to be all booed up.

00:40:43.753 --> 00:40:50.061
Like you know, have a boo, I think it's kind of like what you tell the kids like mom, I want a girlfriend.

00:40:50.061 --> 00:40:51.465
It's like, do you even have money to?

00:40:51.465 --> 00:40:52.646
Like, take her out on a date?

00:40:52.726 --> 00:41:04.967
I literally I literally told my 14 year old son that he was like um, so a girl actually asked our son out wow and he said my mom doesn't let me have a girlfriend.

00:41:04.967 --> 00:41:07.393
Um, and she was like why?

00:41:07.534 --> 00:41:16.815
like you know, everybody at school has their little like partner and and he's like well, for one, like my mom is really jealous, yes, I am, stay away.

00:41:16.815 --> 00:41:21.250
And two, she said that I don't have money.

00:41:21.250 --> 00:41:24.597
I said, well, of course you don't have money, you don't work.

00:41:24.597 --> 00:41:25.827
You know what girls want.

00:41:25.827 --> 00:41:30.179
They want you to take them out, they want gifts, they want things like that.

00:41:30.179 --> 00:41:38.146
Like I don't, I don't know, I don't see in being like broke and cuddled up To me.

00:41:38.146 --> 00:41:39.351
That's like so icky.

00:41:39.405 --> 00:41:40.590
Yeah, like work on yourself.

00:41:41.025 --> 00:41:44.934
Like you, better get out there and get a job Like don't.

00:41:44.934 --> 00:42:04.878
I don't know I find that so like you know who that didn't have a car and was over there trying to like start a whole like relationship, basically like marry the girl, all of that, like get a car before he was over here.

00:42:04.898 --> 00:42:12.213
Like borrowing your, your work truck to like go see someone, I think is like so weird so I don't know.

00:42:12.213 --> 00:42:28.934
I think you need to get a job and you have other like you need to have other priorities yeah, definitely, like obviously, if you don't have no bread, you can't do nothing and I'm not saying you have to be like you know already a millionaire.

00:42:28.934 --> 00:42:32.590
I'm not saying you have to have like a house and you know the best car.

00:42:32.590 --> 00:42:39.373
But you can't be like dead broke and trying to holler over here like at girls.

00:42:39.833 --> 00:42:40.836
I don't think yeah, that's tough.

00:42:41.365 --> 00:42:41.666
I don't.

00:42:41.666 --> 00:42:44.054
I feel like guys that do that.

00:42:44.054 --> 00:42:53.369
Like dude, you got your priorities all messed up and that's why I'm like already telling the kids that, like no, you can't have a girlfriend you don't have money, you don't have money.

00:42:53.369 --> 00:42:55.391
Like no, you can't have a girlfriend, you don't have money, you don't have money.

00:42:55.391 --> 00:42:56.873
You're going to it's going to be Valentine's Day.

00:42:56.873 --> 00:43:00.438
You're going to be asking me, like if I can let you borrow money to buy her something.

00:43:00.458 --> 00:43:01.119
What are you trying to say?

00:43:01.119 --> 00:43:02.280
I did that, no, just kidding.

00:43:02.804 --> 00:43:07.048
My brother actually did that too he would ask my mom for money to get his girlfriend's stuff.

00:43:07.048 --> 00:43:11.534
Well, I'm trying for the kids not to be like that.

00:43:11.534 --> 00:43:15.458
I think they need to have like a little like side hustle, things like that.

00:43:15.458 --> 00:43:28.909
You can't you know, but I think that your boo that's trying to be all booed up, needs to go get a job.

00:43:28.909 --> 00:43:30.510
That's what I think.

00:43:30.510 --> 00:43:30.891
Yeah and yeah.

00:43:30.891 --> 00:43:36.559
So, to like wrap it up, I just feel like the dating world is hard now, but it's not.

00:43:36.719 --> 00:43:43.375
It's not over, it's not completely over um, still gotta have hope, guys have hope, can't give up.

00:43:43.375 --> 00:43:47.289
It's a beautiful world, you know there's.

00:43:47.289 --> 00:43:57.851
It's not perfect, but that's what makes life beautiful, guys just the progression, just things coming to fruition, you know, and just grinding through.

00:43:57.851 --> 00:44:00.835
You can't become gold if you don't go through the fire, you know.

00:44:00.835 --> 00:44:03.954
So you guys can also go through the fire, through each other.

00:44:04.184 --> 00:44:17.992
You're going to be melted together in one pot, you know I feel like, if you're watching this and you're married and like you guys are going through a hard time, like don't stick it out you know, stick it out.

00:44:17.992 --> 00:44:35.746
Trust me, it's worth sticking it out over probably yeah obviously, if you completely have to, you know if it's not worth it, but I think um you know if, if you're with that person, it's definitely worth the shot.

00:44:36.088 --> 00:44:36.407
Yeah.

00:44:37.367 --> 00:44:37.967
And yeah.

00:44:38.708 --> 00:44:55.596
And basically just date somebody who's going to accept you for you and be in your corner, you know, and no matter what through the ups and downs through the late nights, if they're not, if the woman's not waiting for you when you get back, it's kind of like that guy that goes to war.

00:44:55.596 --> 00:44:58.338
It's like what he's coming back to?

00:44:58.338 --> 00:45:00.478
He's going to try to come back to his woman.

00:45:00.478 --> 00:45:06.181
So it's like, you know, if that takes two years, ten years, whatever it's like, you know what I mean.

00:45:06.181 --> 00:45:15.507
So definitely the dating world's tough now, but you know, at the end of the day, work on yourself and I think they'll eventually come, yes.

00:45:15.987 --> 00:45:17.710
But that pretty much wraps it up guys.

00:45:18.451 --> 00:45:21.835
All right, we'll see you guys in the next episode.

00:45:21.956 --> 00:45:22.818
Bye Later, guys, bye, bye, bye, bye.