EP 35: She Outran Chaos, But You Won’t Believe How

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Welcome back to Not Alone with Melissa Sue Methman, where we share stories of resilience, hope, and we inspire that there's always light across the darkness.

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Today's episode features a powerful woman that truly embodies resiliency and grace.

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Dr.

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Gita Harb is born in a war-torn country in Beirut, Lebanon, where she lived in fear on a daily basis.

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Yet her faith, courage, and resilience brought her across the oceans, living a life of purpose.

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She truly embodies what it is to live with courage and with the heart and with purpose.

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So take a deep breath, open your heart and join us in this inspiring conversation today.

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So welcome, Dr.

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Hart.

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What a beautiful little introduction.

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Thank you.

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I'm so glad to be here, Melissa.

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I am honored.

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And I know you are a dentist, you are an entrepreneur, you're the host of Smile Diaries, and now an author as well.

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Yes.

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So you're just such an inspiration.

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And I love, I love seeing strong women like you that just are such a powerhouse.

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Thank you.

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Love to see women rise and shine.

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But I know that comes sometimes where we kind of forget about ourselves.

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And I just want to start, first of all, with your story, where you're from, because it's an incredible story.

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I mean, okay, first of all, when people look at you, you see that beautiful smile, beautiful heart.

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You're successful, you have your husband, two kids.

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Yeah.

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But they have no clue.

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Correct.

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No idea where you came from and what it took to get to where you're at today.

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So I'd love to start with.

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Yeah, 100%.

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I think most people, when they look at you, they don't know what you've been through and they don't know your story, and they think you've had it easy, and success was just an overnight thing, as we were talking about last night.

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And for me, my story just started out with, you know, being born into a war-torn country.

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I was born in Beirut, Lebanon, and my entire childhood was just really spent in a lot of it in bomb shelters underneath our house.

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And uh sleeping sometimes, you know, three, four days and not seeing daylight, sleeping on cement floors, cold cement floors, and the government would shut off the electricity, so we wouldn't have electricity, so we'd have to either have a candlelight or lanterns.

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And um, you know, living in fear.

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It was constant fear where you're always in fight or flight mode and not knowing if you're gonna survive.

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If you're and what's your earliest like memory?

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Is that like what that you remember all of?

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The earliest memory, I was probably I want to say four years old, maybe three or four years old.

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And I remember the whistling and the noise of the bombs kind of coming towards our house and our neighborhood.

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And you know, just the running and the screaming and just getting ready to just run downstairs.

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And sometimes you have a second, sometimes you don't have even a millisecond to run.

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And so this constant fear of I'm gonna lose my house, I'm gonna lose my parents, I'm gonna lose my family, I'm gonna lose my limbs, I'm gonna lose my life.

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And so that was pretty much my childhood.

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Although there was a lot of good days in Lebanon, and it's I always say it's a beautiful country and a beautiful.

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I've heard it's a very beautiful country.

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Yeah.

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But there were so many moments throughout my childhood and teenage years, and it was 14 years of it.

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I think I survived probably about five wars because every, almost every year, it was this person fighting that person, or this militia fighting that militia, or this country, you know, bombing us.

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And so it was constant just fear and constant dodging bombs.

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And sometimes we'd be at school and they would start bombing.

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And so the school would call my, you know, our parents and come get your kids.

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And so they would come and drive under bombs and try to get us home under bombs, and you'd never know where that bomb is gonna fall in front of you, behind you, on your car.

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So you're constantly on edge.

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It was constantly.

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Could you even sleep?

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Can you, you know?

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There was, you know, to describe it, I can just tell you, you know, most kids in this country go to bed, you know, with PJs on, and they're being read a book, and they have a teddy bear and maybe a warm blanket.

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Oh, yeah, the bedtime is like a whole process.

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The whole process for me going to bed was making sure I had my flashlight in my hand because if a bomb hit, I had to, there was no electricity.

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So I had to literally have a flashlight to know where I'm going.

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I slept with slippers and always making sure that if I had to jump out of bed at two, three o'clock in the morning that I had my slippers on, so I'm not barefoot.

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Um, instead of holding a teddy bear, I held on to the key shelf, you know, the shell the keys to the shelter.

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And I was called the key holder.

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And you were the youngest of eight.

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I was the youngest.

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I was the youngest of eight.

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And I was so afraid of dying as a child.

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And I had so much fear of dying that to me, the only way I can control my death or you know, where my life is going was to hold on to the keys to the shelter.

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Wow.

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And I would literally run.

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I was always the first person to run downstairs and open the shelter and bring everybody down and make sure there's light and you know, in there.

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And I would grab, you know, the younger kids, you know, sometimes our neighbors had babies, and I would grab the babies and get them down there.

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And so I was really every the adults didn't even have a key.

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I was always the one just, you know, running down and opening the shelter and making sure everybody's down there.

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Um, and I think because I was so afraid of death, I was so afraid of dying because it was, you know, it was constantly surrounded by that.

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Um, you turned on the news and you saw death, you know, you you went to school and I had friends that were affected by it and maybe hit by bombs.

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And um and your parents, were they going to work during that time?

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Or was that my mom was, you know, in a stay-home mom.

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We were eight kids, so she stayed home with us.

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But my dad, yes, my dad was a politician, so he was actually very much involved in a lot of things, you know, politics in Lebanon.

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He was an entrepreneur as well, and he had businesses.

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So he he was a very he was a public speaker, a poet, and a writer.

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So was he living in a lot of fear?

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Because he probably knew a lot more what was going on.

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He knew a lot more what was going on.

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Yes.

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And oh, for sure he was living in fear.

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And his stories are even crazier than mine.

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Obviously, he went through a lot, but um, it was constant, you know, you never knew.

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It was, it wasn't anything that where you had a warning.

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So it wasn't like tomorrow we're gonna bomb.

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So get in the shelter.

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It was literally immediately you'd be sitting in a cafe, you'd be sitting in a restaurant, you're at school, you're at home, and all of a sudden you just hear that whistle and you know it's coming for you.

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And so at the age of five, Melissa, I remember I knew from the sound of the whistle in which direction the where the bomb was coming from.

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Is it coming from north?

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Is it coming from east?

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Is it coming from south?

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I knew at that age where that bomb just from the sound of the whistle, and I knew which direction to run.

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I couldn't imagine.

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You know, everybody that's listening that has a five-year-old to know can you imagine them listening to that and be like, oh, I gotta listen for the bomb and the shelters and fearing for the life of the pig?

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Definitely.

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I mean, it wasn't something normal that a normal five-year-old should go through.

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It wasn't anything that a five-year-old should not know what a sound of a bomb is.

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A five-year-old should not be woken up by a bomb falling outside their balcony and the light is be, you know, the sky's been being lit up with bombs.

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It should be.

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Do you remember any like health, you know, to to live on a fear like that every day?

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Do you remember anything that was maybe where you're not hungry as much or there, you know, do you remember that as a child affecting you?

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I remember, so I remember, and and this is interesting because as I got older, and I I think I was around 25 or 26, I started to feel so much anxiety, like panics, and I wouldn't, I couldn't put a finger on it.

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And I said, you know, where is that coming from?

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Like, why am I waking up and feeling like I'm gonna have a panic attack?

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And I had to sit down and really look back at my younger years because when I was growing up, I didn't think anything of what I went through.

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I didn't really sort of process it.

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I never processed my experience and my trauma.

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Yeah, because you left, you were 14.

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I was 14.

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And I thought it was just a way of life.

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Like, that's just how everybody, you know, living.

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When you move to the America, you have to say, I mean, this is incredible that you exactly come and you're you're like, wait, high school, you gotta skip high school.

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Of course.

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So for me, um, going back to your question, you know, what do I remember at the time, health-wise?

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And I remember now when I close my eyes and I look back at this moment, I remember being in the shelter.

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And I remember going, screaming and going, Mom, I can't breathe.

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I can't breathe.

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And my my heart, it felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest, and my chest would be so tight.

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And my poor mom would be like, What are we gonna do to get our mind off of it?

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And so sometimes these sort of what I call now panic attacks, what I was as I was younger, it would happen randomly throughout the day, even when there's no bombs, because I think it was my body trying to process the trauma.

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And as soon as I heard bombs far away, I would start to feel that elephant sitting on my chest.

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And my mom would tell me, like, let's go to the neighbor's house and turn on the TV and like play with your friends.

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And she was trying to get my mind off of it.

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And now when I look back at it, I'm like, that's like where my panic, you know, attack started.

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It was really started out in the shelter when I was like five and six and seven.

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Um, but I never really knew that that's what they were.

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Um, so yeah, I remember screaming like I can't breathe, I can't breathe.

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And and I would try to take a deep breath, but it just wasn't wouldn't go in.

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It would just kind of stop.

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And then I had to do these shallow breaths because I one deep breath just would not go into my lungs.

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And um yeah, so there was so many moments like this.

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And you know, growing up where you just had to pray.

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And I remember just holding the cross and just praying like a thousand Hail Marys and a thousand our fathers, and just praying and saying, you know, at the age of five, I would say, I just want to see myself at six.

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Like, please, God, let me live until I'm I just want to see what my face looks like at six.

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And then I would turn six and I would say, Please let me live until I'm seven.

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I just want to see what I look like, and so it was year by year, I would just beg God at night when I'm sleeping and praying to just survive another year and just to see myself at you know, the next age in the next age.

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And so it's just it was a hard way of growing up.

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I mean, it just made you grow up fast, and uh, you know, it puts you in a you know fear, it's a constant trauma and constant fear.

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Your body, your nervous system is always on edge, yeah.

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Always on edge.

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Yeah, and it's hard to survive in that state for sure, but you did for so long.

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It's chaos, it's pure chaos, and and you're in it.

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And I think the worst thing also is that it's nothing that is actually expected.

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So if you know it it wasn't like there was a warning where you're like, okay, let me get ready slowly.

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It was kind of, you know, you're you're somewhere and you're sleeping, and it just like boom, like bang.

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And and so you always have to be ready.

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It was always that waiting for something to happen.

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You're waiting for something bad to happen.

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Yeah, the anticipation, like something.

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You carry that into your adulthood because you know, you know, even when I was an adult, I always was waiting for something bad to happen.

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You know, I I think chaos felt comfortable to me.

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Yeah, and it was my like comfort zone.

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So, yeah, I mean, you go through so much as a child that it really traumatizes you and affects you as an adult.

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Yeah, almost like those limited beliefs that stay with you, right?

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And that was safety for you to just keep okay.

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No, when it starts comes back, you kind of revert and go back to what you know.

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That's what you know as a child.

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I mean, when you've grown up in that environment where chaos and death and fear and you know, fight or flight mode, and you constantly, your nervous system is causing, as I think as an adult, you sort of crave it.

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It's almost like that's what you're comfortable with.

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Yes, right.

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Yes.

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Um that's what your body knows, and the body keeps the score too, so it's always stays trapped in you, right?

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And affecting your in your health.

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And yeah, and I I'd love to, you know, tell everyone that you when you moved and you're 14, you know, you stayed very resilient.

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Because you're did your parents come across?

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So, my actually my dad stayed behind.

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Okay.

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Because, you know, he he was a politician, he was involved in some, you know, certain things, and he wanted to stay there and we had businesses, so he couldn't leave either.

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You know, he's like, I gotta be here for the house and the businesses and run and all of all of that stuff.

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So my mom came with us for about I want to say a couple of months, and then she left.

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And then she left as well.

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So then you were alone with your siblings.

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I was alone with my siblings.

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Wow.

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And so it it was sort of I I you know, I grew up, I and I say this all the time.

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It was sort of going through puberty and trying to find myself at 14, but it wasn't just your normal teenage person trying to do normal.

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Because you didn't speak English.

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I didn't you spoke French though, to parança.

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Yeah.

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So we, you know, when we escaped Lebanon and we came here, we just came here on vacation.

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We're thinking we're just gonna come visit my brothers who were here in college and they had graduated and they were working.

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And little did I know that this was gonna be my home and my life.

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And we thought, we'll come for like a couple weeks or a month or whatever, and then we'll go back home.

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The situation will get better, and we'll get back home.

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I'm gonna go into high school and go back to seeing my friends and my cousins and my family and my neighbors.

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And after a month of being here, the situation got even worse.

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That my dad said, You guys are not coming back, you're just gonna stay here.

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And at the time, you know, like I said, I my um Arabic was my first language and French was my second.

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And I barely spoke English.

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I was just learning English as a third language.

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And so my dad decided, you know, called my mom and said, we need to find Gita High School.

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Um, and also my older older brother was about a year and a half older than me.

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And so they looked for high schools and they got me in and they tested me and they said, Well, she's just beyond her years, like she needs to be in college, like she's already four years of high school would be a waste of time for her.

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And I remember just looking and going, I don't even speak English.

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How am I gonna how am I gonna go to college?

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And I barely speak the language.

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So they decided to put me in in high school for three months just with the graduating, because it was towards the end of the year.

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Okay.

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And um, I remember just going like March, May, April, May, or something like that.

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And I graduated three months later.

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Even not knowing the language very well.

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And I remember getting like honors and calculus and and and all the I graduated with like honors.

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I don't ask me how that.

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Well, because you're brilliant woman, yeah.

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I did.

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And um, and so yeah, I and I remember being asked to the prom, and my mom goes, absolutely not, you are not going.

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And I, you know, and and to talk about this the social aspect of it, you know, I was 14 and graduating with 18-year-olds, and they were going to the prom and getting dressed up and having all this fun.

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And, you know, my mom was like, No, you're 14, you're not going to a prom.

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And and I remember just being felt like this outsider.

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Like, do you feel pretty lonely?

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Oh, yeah.

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It was a very lonely journey because number one, I didn't speak the language.

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Um, you know, number two, I didn't feel yet that I belonged because, you know, it's it's a different culture.

00:15:40.559 --> 00:15:44.799
It's, you know, in high school in Lebanon, we went to an all-girl Catholic high school.

00:15:44.879 --> 00:15:46.000
So it was very strict.

00:15:46.080 --> 00:15:51.279
I mean, we had nuns, our hair had to be up, no makeup, no earrings, no jewelry.

00:15:51.440 --> 00:15:54.879
And then I come here and they put me in a Catholic high school in Connecticut.

00:15:55.039 --> 00:15:58.240
And I remember going to high school and I walked it, and this was a culture shock for me.

00:15:58.320 --> 00:16:04.080
I remember going and we had uniforms here, and I remember wearing a uniform, and I'm thinking this is Lebanon, right?

00:16:04.159 --> 00:16:08.399
So I'm putting my hair up at a ponytail, no makeup, no earrings, nothing.

00:16:08.559 --> 00:16:14.399
And I walk into the bathroom at the high school in Connecticut, and the girls were spraying their hair with makeup.

00:16:14.639 --> 00:16:20.159
I mean, with hairspray, the makeup, the lip gloss, and I I was shocked.

00:16:20.240 --> 00:16:30.240
I was like culture, I was, I stood there and I go, and I looked at myself and I remember humble and I looked at myself and I go, mm-mm, like that's gonna change.

00:16:30.960 --> 00:16:34.399
I'm like, oh and the next day I showed up with like full-on makeup.

00:16:35.200 --> 00:16:38.559
You're like, I'm like, no, no, no, we're bringing each other.

00:16:39.279 --> 00:16:39.759
I love that.

00:16:39.919 --> 00:16:44.159
Um, but yeah, it was definitely still such a different culture in so many ways.

00:16:44.320 --> 00:16:50.639
And I really had to immerse myself and make friends and you know, learn English.

00:16:50.879 --> 00:16:56.480
And I started watching movies to learn English and listening to, you know, more music and things like that.

00:16:56.639 --> 00:16:57.919
And, you know, made friends.

00:16:58.080 --> 00:17:04.960
And I was really adamant about losing my accent and not having an accent because I had that craving of like, I gotta be American and I gotta fit in.

00:17:05.119 --> 00:17:06.640
I gotta fit in and I gotta belong here.

00:17:06.799 --> 00:17:10.880
So I don't want anyone knowing I have an accent and where I'm from and that sort of thing.

00:17:11.200 --> 00:17:14.079
Because I guess at that age, too, people don't want to be different, right?

00:17:14.640 --> 00:17:15.519
Kids don't want to be different.

00:17:15.680 --> 00:17:19.599
Yeah, you know, had I been older, maybe in my 20s, I probably wouldn't have cared.

00:17:19.759 --> 00:17:30.079
But I think because I was, you know, at 14, you're that's such a you know, delicate age because you're you're growing into adulthood and you're learning who you are.

00:17:30.400 --> 00:17:46.880
And so, you know, being in a new country, you don't speak the language, you don't have your parents around, and all of a sudden you're being thrown with 18, 19 year olds that are four or five years ahead of you and in every way, you know, socially, physically, all that stuff.

00:17:47.119 --> 00:17:53.119
I think it was very it was a little, not that to say it was traumatizing, but it was definitely a hard journey.

00:17:53.200 --> 00:18:01.599
I mean, I didn't just have to find myself and and I wasn't surrounded by, you know, family and friends that I could be comfortable growing in that environment.

00:18:01.759 --> 00:18:04.079
I had to not just figure out who I am at first.

00:18:04.400 --> 00:18:05.839
I had to be so independent, so strong.

00:18:06.319 --> 00:18:16.319
I had to be independent, but I also had to figure out a new language and a new culture and new friends and and looking around and not having, you know, the structure that I had back home.

00:18:16.559 --> 00:18:18.160
And, you know, that was really hard.

00:18:18.319 --> 00:18:23.119
That was really hard for me because I didn't have that, you know, community that I was used to.

00:18:23.279 --> 00:18:25.839
I didn't have the home structure that I was used to.

00:18:26.000 --> 00:18:27.680
And and so it was it was definitely tough.

00:18:27.839 --> 00:18:29.440
And also then you started college, right?

00:18:29.920 --> 00:18:30.640
How old were you?

00:18:30.880 --> 00:18:33.920
So I was almost 15 when I started college.

00:18:34.000 --> 00:18:34.480
Wow.

00:18:34.960 --> 00:18:38.319
Um, and I started college, yeah, almost 15 years old.

00:18:38.480 --> 00:18:43.039
And that was another whole other experience by itself because you know, I was still learning English.

00:18:43.279 --> 00:18:45.839
Can imagine, is there any other 15-year-old that in college?

00:18:46.079 --> 00:18:46.559
I mean, I think.

00:18:53.759 --> 00:18:55.440
Even though I grew up in Quebec City.

00:18:56.799 --> 00:19:09.440
Everyone, um, but yeah, it was definitely uh being in college at you know, 14, almost 15 was very challenging because a lot of the kids were, you know, over 18.

00:19:09.519 --> 00:19:14.400
They were drinking, they were driving, they were going out and going to parties.

00:19:14.559 --> 00:19:15.359
And here I am.

00:19:15.440 --> 00:19:17.599
I'm still, you know, barely 15.

00:19:17.759 --> 00:19:19.440
I'm living with my brothers.

00:19:19.599 --> 00:19:23.839
And, you know, my parents were like, you got to take care of your sister, and you know, you gotta be strict on her.

00:19:24.000 --> 00:19:30.720
And so, you know, there were parties where my friends and you know, from school, from college wanted to go to, and they would invite me, and I'm like, I can't.

00:19:30.960 --> 00:19:34.400
Did you ever get into the parties just so it kind of fit in a little, you know?

00:19:34.960 --> 00:19:37.359
The only parties that I was allowed to go to were with my brothers.

00:19:37.599 --> 00:19:40.000
So we would definitely old, they were always older.

00:19:40.079 --> 00:19:44.240
They were kids in their 20s, you know, 21, 22, older kids.

00:19:44.319 --> 00:19:45.440
So this was my hangout.

00:19:45.599 --> 00:19:52.079
It was really, I was forced to grow up so fast because I was hanging out with kids so much older than me and adults at that age.

00:19:52.319 --> 00:19:58.400
And also, I was always because my brothers were, you know, strict on me because they felt that you know they had to take care of me.

00:19:58.559 --> 00:20:00.640
If I did go to a party, it was with them.

00:20:00.799 --> 00:20:05.680
And you know, they were older, they were in their 20s, and so I had to hang out with their crowd and their friends.

00:20:05.920 --> 00:20:08.960
And so I didn't have that the teenage years.

00:20:09.039 --> 00:20:10.640
I'm completely missed out on the teenage years.

00:20:10.720 --> 00:20:10.960
I didn't know.

00:20:11.119 --> 00:20:13.359
And then childhood, it sounds also your childhood, right?

00:20:13.519 --> 00:20:14.799
As much of living that fear.

00:20:14.880 --> 00:20:17.599
So it's almost like you never had that playfulness as much.

00:20:17.680 --> 00:20:19.920
Do you find like that in your childhood?

00:20:20.079 --> 00:20:21.759
Not so much as much as the playfulness.

00:20:21.839 --> 00:20:25.759
It always had to be kind of very um serious in some ways, right?

00:20:25.920 --> 00:20:31.680
And in in a in a funny and funny and weird way, I was always the one at home that made everybody laugh.

00:20:32.079 --> 00:20:40.160
And I think I was, because I was the baby, and I hated, even from I as long as I could remember, I hated negative energy.

00:20:40.319 --> 00:20:44.880
And I always felt it was like the pressure was on me to make everyone laugh.

00:20:45.680 --> 00:21:00.559
And even when the house was sad, even when things would happen back home, I always would get up and grab a microphone and start like, you know, telling jokes or you know, pretending I'm a flight attendant or doing something funny.

00:21:00.720 --> 00:21:02.640
I was I was like the stand-up comedian in the family.

00:21:02.799 --> 00:21:08.160
And my I remember my mom every night around 7:30, she's like, okay, Gitali, get up and perform for us, like make us laugh.

00:21:08.960 --> 00:21:12.160
And so I was always that person that was always happy, very energetic, and always.

00:21:12.400 --> 00:21:14.000
Kind of that light, that beacon of light.

00:21:14.079 --> 00:21:15.200
Yeah, you know, always.

00:21:15.599 --> 00:21:25.680
And even to this day, you know, my brothers are always like, I don't know how you always like want to go out and want to have fun and where you get your energy from, and that like, you know, uh love for life.

00:21:25.839 --> 00:21:30.480
And I've always had that as a child, even in the bad days, and even in my worst days, I've always had that.

00:21:30.559 --> 00:21:32.319
And I was always been a happy kid.

00:21:32.559 --> 00:21:34.400
And I carried that as well.

00:21:34.559 --> 00:21:49.440
And into my adulthood, even though college was hard and I had and I felt like I was robbed of my teen years and and having the freedom to hang out with kids my age and like talk about boys, maybe, or whatever it is, you know, I didn't have that.

00:21:49.599 --> 00:21:54.799
I was forced to grow up with, you know, at 14, 15 kids that were 19, 20 years old.

00:21:54.960 --> 00:21:56.240
And there's a difference there.

00:21:56.400 --> 00:22:04.240
There's definitely a difference in, you know, socially, there's a difference in the conversation that was going on, there's a difference in the freedom.

00:22:04.400 --> 00:22:05.599
I didn't have the freedom, you know.

00:22:05.680 --> 00:22:07.839
I couldn't drive, I was still too young to drive.

00:22:08.000 --> 00:22:11.279
So I couldn't have a car, I couldn't go places I wanted to go.

00:22:11.359 --> 00:22:13.920
And so I missed out on, you know, a lot of things.

00:22:14.000 --> 00:22:17.200
And I was forced to be with people six, seven years older than me.

00:22:17.440 --> 00:22:17.759
Older.

00:22:17.839 --> 00:22:18.000
Yeah.

00:22:18.079 --> 00:22:19.119
So you grew up so fast.

00:22:19.440 --> 00:22:20.079
And then I didn't.

00:22:20.319 --> 00:22:23.440
How old were you when you had you started to be yeah, a dentist as well?

00:22:23.680 --> 00:22:29.359
So I graduated um college, I think I was 17 and a half, something like that.

00:22:29.599 --> 00:22:32.079
And I went to dental school after that.

00:22:32.160 --> 00:22:34.880
And I graduated, I was the youngest to graduate dental school.

00:22:35.680 --> 00:22:41.680
And even at dental school, I was very, you know, when you say serious, although I was a fun one and I was always happy.

00:22:42.000 --> 00:22:46.559
I was always so um mature at the same time.

00:22:46.799 --> 00:22:49.680
And people, when they looked at me, they thought I was way older.

00:22:49.839 --> 00:22:53.359
And when I was saying my age, like, there's no way you could be only 17.

00:22:53.759 --> 00:23:04.400
And I remember at 17 being so mature and I wise and always looking at always thinking ahead, like, if I do this, how how is this gonna affect me 10, 15 years down the line?

00:23:04.559 --> 00:23:09.039
And so my mind was always running because I was I trained trained that way.

00:23:09.759 --> 00:23:15.599
Um, and so when I was in when I was in dental school, I really hardly made a lot of friends.

00:23:15.759 --> 00:23:16.720
I was very quiet.

00:23:16.799 --> 00:23:20.000
I kept to myself a lot, and I had a very tight group of friends.

00:23:20.160 --> 00:23:23.759
And even in dental school, I remember my friends went out and partied and went to clubs.

00:23:23.920 --> 00:23:29.759
And not once in four years of dental school had I gone to a club in Boston or partied or did anything like that.

00:23:29.839 --> 00:23:31.119
And I was so anti-everything.

00:23:31.200 --> 00:23:32.880
I was so anti-drinking, anti-drugs.

00:23:33.279 --> 00:23:38.000
I think the first drink I've ever had, I want to say was my fourth year of dental school.

00:23:38.160 --> 00:23:38.559
Oh, okay.

00:23:38.720 --> 00:23:41.200
And I tried a beer and I was like, oh my God, this is insulting.

00:23:41.920 --> 00:23:43.279
Why do people even drink?

00:23:43.440 --> 00:23:48.640
Um, and so I was always that mature girl, but I was always, you know, happy, but I was always very mature.

00:23:48.720 --> 00:23:49.039
Yeah.

00:23:49.200 --> 00:23:51.119
And um and wise beyond your ears.

00:23:51.279 --> 00:23:54.000
So why ultimately it was sort of a like a gift.

00:23:54.079 --> 00:23:58.480
Everything that you've kind of gone through made you so resilient, so strong, and like driven, right?

00:23:58.799 --> 00:23:59.920
Very driven, very driven.

00:24:00.079 --> 00:24:01.200
I always was wanted to.

00:24:02.720 --> 00:24:09.519
And it's so driven, and it sounds like you, you know, you had your business and you know, married and whatnot, and and successful.

00:24:09.599 --> 00:24:16.559
But then I think, like you said, yeah, you're give and give and give, but I think at one point you kind of forgot to give back to yourself.

00:24:17.039 --> 00:24:17.279
For sure.

00:24:17.440 --> 00:24:36.960
I think, I think, you know, when you, you know, when you have that personality too, when you're when you're when you're trying to be successful, and I always had pictured this thing in my in my head, like, I want this and I want that, and I want the perfect family, and I want, you know, the the handsome husband, and I want the successful life and the beautiful home.

00:24:37.200 --> 00:24:43.599
And I think my focus was so much on everything that I was attaining, and I always, I was always a giver.

00:24:43.759 --> 00:24:47.759
I was always, you know, wanting everybody around me to have everything.

00:24:47.920 --> 00:24:49.200
And I've always worked hard.

00:24:49.279 --> 00:25:01.039
And so when I got married and had my kids, um, it was always pouring into them, pouring into the business, pouring into the employees, pouring into the patients, pouring into my husband, our social life, our and I did it all.

00:25:01.200 --> 00:25:02.319
So I took it upon myself.

00:25:02.400 --> 00:25:04.480
I'm an Aquarius too, so we love, you know, how we are.

00:25:04.559 --> 00:25:05.279
We're very independent.

00:25:05.359 --> 00:25:05.519
Yes.

00:25:05.759 --> 00:25:09.359
And we like to do things our way, or and you know, that's just how we are.

00:25:09.680 --> 00:25:15.519
I know, didn't you say like all your lunch break, you'd go volunteer at the school because you're like, I gotta be a good mom, I gotta be an entrepreneur, a good wife.

00:25:15.920 --> 00:25:20.960
Yeah, and you know, I had a little bit of um, I'm not gonna lie, a little bit of perfection perfectionism too.

00:25:21.279 --> 00:25:27.119
I think a lot of dentists deal are very much because you deal with like minute, you know, detailed tiny little meticulous things.

00:25:27.359 --> 00:25:31.039
So to me, in my head, I had to, I had to be the perfect mom.

00:25:31.200 --> 00:25:36.880
And I think also because I grew up in such a chaotic um, you know, childhood.

00:25:36.960 --> 00:25:44.000
And I think also because I had so much anxiety from that as an adult, that really manifested itself later on.

00:25:44.160 --> 00:25:46.960
Um, and I'll, you know, I'll share some stories with you.

00:25:47.200 --> 00:25:54.720
I wanted to my kids not to have experienced any sort of anxiety as a as a child because I think I went through so much of it.

00:25:54.880 --> 00:26:05.759
I was protecting them and I wanted them to have this like live in a little bubble and have this perfect life and and not know what it's like to be sad or upset or not be able to have something.

00:26:05.839 --> 00:26:08.880
Or so I gave, I gave, I gave, I gave, I gave so much.

00:26:09.039 --> 00:26:11.440
And they they would like go, ah, and I jumped at them.

00:26:11.519 --> 00:26:14.880
And you know, every little word that came out of my mouth, okay, here, here you go, you have it.

00:26:15.039 --> 00:26:17.359
So I wanted to be the perfect mom and I wanted to work hard.

00:26:17.440 --> 00:26:18.960
So I yeah, I was working really hard.

00:26:19.039 --> 00:26:20.480
I was working six days a week.

00:26:20.640 --> 00:26:23.359
I would volunteer at my lunch hour from one to two.

00:26:23.519 --> 00:26:32.400
I would go to school and you know, be the art lady or be the lunch lady, and then run back to work and start to see patients from two to six and then run home and make dinner.

00:26:32.559 --> 00:26:38.319
And although I had a nanny and I had, you know, someone to help obviously clean the house and everything, I wanted to be hands-on mom.

00:26:38.400 --> 00:26:43.680
And so I was like, I'll bathe the kids, I'll feed them when I get home, like leave it because I wanted that bonding with my kids.

00:26:43.920 --> 00:26:54.720
And, you know, even it got to a point where I remember, you know, I would sleep next to one kid at night and then scratch them and read them books, put one and run to the other room.

00:26:54.880 --> 00:26:56.400
And I just didn't want help from anyone.

00:26:56.480 --> 00:26:58.480
I wasn't even asking for help from my husband.

00:26:58.559 --> 00:27:00.720
And I just took it upon myself.

00:27:00.960 --> 00:27:03.200
I had this thing in my mind where I could do it all.

00:27:03.519 --> 00:27:04.480
I could do it all.

00:27:04.720 --> 00:27:09.279
Because I think, don't you find a lot of moms like when you career feel the guilt?

00:27:09.519 --> 00:27:09.759
The guilt.

00:27:10.000 --> 00:27:10.319
The guilt.

00:27:10.559 --> 00:27:14.000
You feel the guilt of like, I'm a working mom, I gotta be there for my kids.

00:27:14.079 --> 00:27:15.440
So, you know, I have to do this.

00:27:15.680 --> 00:27:16.480
And so I did.

00:27:16.559 --> 00:27:17.440
I I did it all.

00:27:17.599 --> 00:27:18.880
Um anything you can imagine.

00:27:18.960 --> 00:27:22.559
I I had five, six parties, you know, a year, big parties.

00:27:22.640 --> 00:27:26.160
I was the the you know, the Easter party, the Halloween party.

00:27:26.240 --> 00:27:27.359
Everybody was like me.

00:27:27.440 --> 00:27:30.720
Yeah, we used to have a big Easter party that would do avoid 100 people coming.

00:27:30.960 --> 00:27:34.480
Yeah, it was always minimum hundred people, 150 people in our house.

00:27:34.640 --> 00:27:36.480
Everyone, the whole school came to our house.

00:27:36.640 --> 00:27:40.319
The whole school knew who we were and who I was, and they were like, where's the party?

00:27:40.400 --> 00:27:40.960
When's the party?

00:27:41.039 --> 00:27:41.759
You know, Gita.

00:27:42.160 --> 00:27:47.680
And so I was that mom that just like made their childhood perfect and wanted everything to be perfect.

00:27:47.920 --> 00:27:52.240
But, you know, with all of that said, I had forgotten about me.

00:27:52.400 --> 00:27:55.599
I had forgotten about who I was, what I needed.

00:27:55.759 --> 00:28:01.440
And I was pouring so much into everybody else that I forgot to really take care of myself.

00:28:01.519 --> 00:28:02.799
I forgot about self-care.

00:28:02.880 --> 00:28:06.960
I forgot what, you know, how to ask for help.

00:28:07.279 --> 00:28:10.160
And to me, asking for help meant that I was weak.

00:28:10.319 --> 00:28:10.480
Weak.

00:28:10.559 --> 00:28:15.039
Oh, and I didn't like that because I always had a very strong personality and I was always independent.

00:28:15.200 --> 00:28:20.000
And this is part of why I bec wanted to become a doctor, because I never wanted to rely on a guy to support me.

00:28:20.160 --> 00:28:26.240
I never wanted to, you know, I wanna, I'm very feminine and I want, you know, I love my husband, I love my family.

00:28:26.400 --> 00:28:29.200
But at the end of the day, I wanted my independence.

00:28:29.279 --> 00:28:29.359
Yes.

00:28:29.599 --> 00:28:35.119
And I wanted to be able to know that God forbid something happens to my husband, or to I know I can support myself.

00:28:35.599 --> 00:28:42.079
And so part of that also comes with the fact that I put the pressure on myself to say, I could do it all, I could do it all.

00:28:42.160 --> 00:28:42.640
I don't need help.

00:28:42.720 --> 00:28:43.839
No, I got this, I got that.

00:28:44.079 --> 00:28:47.119
The kids were sick and they'd have fevers, you know, for four days.

00:28:47.200 --> 00:28:48.000
I slept next to them.

00:28:48.079 --> 00:28:48.799
I never asked for help.

00:28:48.880 --> 00:28:49.599
I'd be exhausted.

00:28:49.680 --> 00:28:51.359
I'd get up the next day and go to work.

00:28:51.759 --> 00:28:55.039
And so with that came out, you know, the price of exhaustion.

00:28:55.279 --> 00:28:58.079
And so little by little it was chipping away at me.

00:28:58.160 --> 00:29:00.720
And I realized that my mental health was going down.

00:29:00.880 --> 00:29:02.480
I started feeling anxious.

00:29:02.799 --> 00:29:09.759
Um, and that's when my kids were around probably the age of like seven and eight or something like that.

00:29:09.920 --> 00:29:12.160
I really started to feel like anxiety again.

00:29:12.319 --> 00:29:19.680
And I felt that like that feeling in my chest again that I had when I was five and six and seven-year-old in the shelter.

00:29:19.759 --> 00:29:21.839
And I, and I was like, why am I feeling this way?

00:29:22.000 --> 00:29:23.599
Like, what is wrong with me?

00:29:23.839 --> 00:29:34.559
Um, and I was as I was sharing with you yesterday, you know, I I would go to Disneyland and I couldn't even get into like Pirates of the Caribbean ride or um the little dark, you know, in there.

00:29:34.720 --> 00:29:34.880
Yes.

00:29:35.200 --> 00:29:51.039
And I think all the the running around and like really not doing self care and giving, giving, giving, I was collapsing, and that collapse brought all that chaos back into my life, and it took me back to those days of like being a child and like running away.

00:29:51.440 --> 00:29:59.839
Um, and so yeah, I remember one day I was sitting in my office and I literally just like started losing feelings and my, you know, my fingers.

00:30:00.160 --> 00:30:01.839
And I started to get tingly.

00:30:02.160 --> 00:30:07.119
I got extremely dizzy and I just felt like the room was just like spinning.

00:30:07.920 --> 00:30:10.000
And my legs just felt really weak.

00:30:10.079 --> 00:30:12.079
And my heart was just going crazy.

00:30:12.319 --> 00:30:15.039
And I started having like these arrhythmias, and I couldn't even talk.

00:30:15.200 --> 00:30:20.880
I had to like literally cough so many times to get my rhythm back into you know the correct rhythm.

00:30:21.599 --> 00:30:24.319
And my husband was in the office that day, thankfully.

00:30:24.400 --> 00:30:26.960
And so I called him right away and I said, you know, you need to come in.

00:30:27.039 --> 00:30:28.640
Like I something's going on.

00:30:28.799 --> 00:30:32.640
And they ended up rushing me to the um to the cardiologist.

00:30:32.799 --> 00:30:44.400
And they and I as I was sitting at on the table and hooked up to EKGs and stuff, the the cardiologist said, you know, you are having so many heart arrhythmias, and this is all due to stress.

00:30:44.480 --> 00:30:46.400
Because you know, I was pretty healthy at the time.

00:30:46.480 --> 00:30:47.359
I was always thin.

00:30:47.440 --> 00:30:49.200
I was always, you know, run a lot.

00:30:49.279 --> 00:30:52.960
I was cardio queen, so I cycled a lot and I did a lot of running.

00:30:53.279 --> 00:30:55.119
And so he goes, Your heart is is perfect.

00:30:55.200 --> 00:30:56.480
Like you have a heart of an athlete.

00:30:56.559 --> 00:30:58.720
There's nothing wrong with your heart after four days of testing.

00:30:58.799 --> 00:31:01.200
He goes, It's all stress and anxiety.

00:31:01.839 --> 00:31:06.240
And, you know, he looked at me and he goes, Well, when was the last time you actually took a lunch hour?

00:31:06.319 --> 00:31:09.759
And, you know, as I was telling you, I'm like, what lunch hour?

00:31:09.839 --> 00:31:18.640
I mean, then just typically you know, there's no such thing as like leave the office, let's go sit down and order and come back.

00:31:18.799 --> 00:31:22.160
I've never done that in over a decade of like having my own house.

00:31:24.960 --> 00:31:31.920
If you're lucky, you jump into the lunchroom, you have a quick little butt, you jump back into your office, you do your charting, or I'm volunteering or whatnot.

00:31:32.079 --> 00:31:36.640
And I said, you know, to be honest with you, doc, I said, I've I've never taken a lunch hour.

00:31:36.880 --> 00:31:50.559
And that's when he looked at me and he goes, you know, you're you keep going at the rate you're you're going, then your kids are not gonna have a mom, your husband's not gonna have a wife, your employees are not gonna have a boss, and your patients won't have a dentist.

00:31:50.799 --> 00:31:55.200
So you need to make a decision, like you're at a crossroad where you need to change something in your life.

00:31:56.160 --> 00:32:07.680
And after four days of testing, I remember going home, and as happy as I was that nothing physically was wrong with me, like I didn't have any, you know, heart issues or anything like that.

00:32:08.160 --> 00:32:19.440
I realized that that that mentally I was in such a bad place, and I the exhaustion and the burnout has hit me so bad that it started to show itself in a physical way.

00:32:19.599 --> 00:32:22.240
Yes, and so the body will start speaking exactly.

00:32:22.640 --> 00:32:32.880
And I I think I've been going through so many years of of running around and building this and building the office and and raising the kids and making sure I'm the perfect wife and I'm making sure I look good.

00:32:32.960 --> 00:32:36.160
And so many people think they can do that, especially when they're like 20s.

00:32:36.240 --> 00:32:40.079
They're like, oh, I can grind, I can grind, I can grind, grind, but they don't understand.

00:32:40.240 --> 00:32:43.440
That's why I love sharing stories like that because they think they're invisible.

00:32:43.759 --> 00:32:44.000
A hundred.

00:32:44.880 --> 00:32:48.079
My husband did the very same thing when we open up the practice six days a week.

00:32:48.160 --> 00:32:52.799
We live downstairs, we just kind of grinded and grinded and grinded, but it it shows up.

00:32:53.119 --> 00:32:54.319
It shows up, it shows up later.

00:32:54.480 --> 00:33:02.559
It shows up, and it really, and I and I now then I I look back, there were so many moments where I think I had some, my body was telling me slow down.

00:33:02.640 --> 00:33:08.559
And I remember every two to three months, I would tell my husband, I'm just exhausted and I can't put my feet like, why am I so tired?

00:33:08.640 --> 00:33:10.240
Yeah, why am I so exhausted?

00:33:10.480 --> 00:33:17.279
And I would wake up and and the second my eyes opened, I would be like having anxiety already.

00:33:17.359 --> 00:33:18.880
And I said, Why am I having anxiety?

00:33:19.039 --> 00:33:20.079
Like nothing has happened.

00:33:20.240 --> 00:33:21.440
The day hasn't even started.

00:33:21.599 --> 00:33:22.799
Why am I feeling anxious?

00:33:22.960 --> 00:33:24.559
The second my eyes opened up.

00:33:24.799 --> 00:33:26.559
And so it started showing up.

00:33:26.640 --> 00:33:33.839
All this exhaustion and the running around and the grind really started to show up in a physical way because I was not paying attention to it.

00:33:34.000 --> 00:33:36.079
Because were you just like getting up and hitting the ground level?

00:33:36.240 --> 00:33:47.039
Yeah, I was getting up, I was just running to my kids, waking them up, getting them ready, breakfast, get making sure my daughter looks perfect with the perfect ponytail, getting them to school from school.

00:33:47.119 --> 00:33:48.880
I would rush to work, you know, huddle as you know.

00:33:48.960 --> 00:33:55.599
We all huddle in the morning with our with our staff, starting to, you know, I have a bunch of opportunities from patient to patient to patient to patient.

00:33:55.759 --> 00:33:57.279
At lunch, I would run back to school.

00:33:57.440 --> 00:33:58.400
I would volunteer at school.

00:33:58.480 --> 00:34:00.880
I would come back at two o'clock, work from two to six p.m.

00:34:01.039 --> 00:34:07.599
I would get home at 6:30, get the kids, shower them, bathe them, put them to sleep, feed them, read them the book, and scratch them.

00:34:07.680 --> 00:34:12.719
You know, we had this thing where I, you know, I spent a lot of time scratching their backs and massaging them.

00:34:12.800 --> 00:34:13.599
I was that mom, okay.

00:34:13.760 --> 00:34:13.920
Yes.

00:34:14.639 --> 00:34:18.480
And by the time I got to bed, it was like 9:30 and I was just exhausted.

00:34:18.639 --> 00:34:19.440
Oh, I can imagine.

00:34:19.599 --> 00:34:20.719
And that's six days a week.

00:34:20.960 --> 00:34:21.519
Six days a week.

00:34:21.679 --> 00:34:22.639
What would you do on the Sunday?

00:34:22.800 --> 00:34:23.599
Where you do it.

00:34:24.400 --> 00:34:25.599
I was like, it's Sundays.

00:34:25.760 --> 00:34:28.239
I gotta be with the, you know, I have to do something fun with the kids.

00:34:28.320 --> 00:34:33.840
So I would get up Sunday and I'll make sure we always had plans and we were always out of the house, and it was always something fun for the kids.

00:34:34.000 --> 00:34:39.760
And I would get home on Sunday night and I'm just exhausted because I haven't had a second to myself all week or a weekend.

00:34:40.000 --> 00:34:45.119
And so I was going, going, going, going and pouring into so much, you know, it's into everyone's cup, but not into mine.

00:34:45.199 --> 00:34:46.800
And that's when I really collapsed.

00:34:46.880 --> 00:34:50.880
And I had to really, I got to a point where I had to make a decision.

00:34:51.039 --> 00:34:52.400
How do I change my life?

00:34:52.559 --> 00:34:53.920
What do I need to do?

00:34:54.159 --> 00:34:56.400
I still have to be a mom, 6:30 a.m.

00:34:56.559 --> 00:34:56.960
and on.

00:34:57.039 --> 00:34:58.400
I still have to be a boss.

00:34:58.639 --> 00:35:01.920
And so that's really when I sat down and I started journaling.

00:35:02.159 --> 00:35:16.239
And I realized that the only way I can change my life around is if I take time for myself to really sit in my thought, you know, sit in my thoughts and have a purpose because I felt like, what was the purpose of everything?00:35:16.400 --> 00:35:25.039


It kind of got to a point where I lost purpose and I lost fulfillment because I was doing so much that whatever I was doing didn't really bring me joy anymore.00:35:25.199 --> 00:35:28.239


The office didn't bring me joy, dentistry didn't bring me joy.00:35:28.480 --> 00:35:35.840


You know, even you know, sometimes going out with friends on the weekend wasn't fun anymore because I was exhausted and tired and I didn't really want to hang out with anyone.00:35:36.079 --> 00:35:39.199


And so it got to a point where I had to figure out how do I change my life.00:35:39.679 --> 00:35:41.760


Yeah, because you had everything, but there was no joy anymore.00:35:42.000 --> 00:35:43.119


No more fulfillment.00:35:43.360 --> 00:35:43.679


Yes.00:35:43.840 --> 00:35:49.760


And there were so many times, Melissa, would I would sit and I'd say, Why am I anxious?00:35:49.920 --> 00:35:51.199


Why am I not happy?00:35:51.360 --> 00:35:52.719


I have the beautiful home.00:35:52.800 --> 00:35:56.400


I live in Orange County, like where everybody wants to live.00:35:56.880 --> 00:35:59.039


Um, I have the thriving office.00:35:59.199 --> 00:36:01.280


I have two beautiful, healthy kids.00:36:01.440 --> 00:36:03.199


I have a husband that adores me.00:36:03.440 --> 00:36:04.719


I couldn't put my finger on it.00:36:04.880 --> 00:36:07.519


I couldn't figure out why I'm anxious and why I'm sad.00:36:07.679 --> 00:36:09.199


And sometimes I would cry for no reason.00:36:09.360 --> 00:36:11.039


I'm like, what is going on?00:36:11.280 --> 00:36:18.480


And so it wasn't until I really like woken up and I realized I'm not just, I'm not taking care of me.00:36:18.639 --> 00:36:20.079


There's no self-care at all.00:36:20.239 --> 00:36:22.800


There was no, I wouldn't go out with my girlfriends at night.00:36:22.880 --> 00:36:26.320


I never had girls' night out because I was like, nope, not taking time away from my kids.00:36:26.400 --> 00:36:29.920


I never girl went on girls' trips ever away from my kids.00:36:30.079 --> 00:36:31.920


I always took the kids on every vacation.00:36:32.000 --> 00:36:37.360


And you know how it is, you go on vacation, but really you're with the kids, you know, you're still you're still a mom.00:36:37.599 --> 00:36:52.960


And so there were so many things that I had so much guilt about that I forced myself to always be home with them, always take them on every vacation with me, you know, even bathe them, even though I had a nanny, I was like, no, I'll I'll shower them and bathe them because I want to be the mom.00:36:53.039 --> 00:36:57.280


And and so I finally realized that I have to take time for myself.00:36:57.360 --> 00:37:00.400


And the only thing that could change was me starting to wake up earlier.00:37:00.559 --> 00:37:03.760


And that's when my journey, like really transformation journey, started.00:37:03.920 --> 00:37:08.880


I started to wake up little by little, I would shift my alarm another half an hour earlier.00:37:09.119 --> 00:37:11.920


And my morning started becoming my sanctuary.00:37:12.000 --> 00:37:15.039


It was like it was just life-changing.00:37:15.199 --> 00:37:22.559


I would grab the journal, I started journaling, I started writing my feelings down and what I felt and what am I thankful for every day.00:37:22.880 --> 00:37:25.119


And I started meditating a lot.00:37:25.280 --> 00:37:25.920


Oh my gosh.00:37:26.000 --> 00:37:30.639


I mean, if you look at my Peloton meditation classes, it was just like that's okay.00:37:30.960 --> 00:37:32.000


One class after one class.00:37:32.320 --> 00:37:34.159


Did it incorporate some breath in there as well?00:37:36.480 --> 00:37:39.280


And I think when you're anxious all the time, you forget to breathe.00:37:39.440 --> 00:37:50.079


And I love that you're doing all these breath work uh exercises because I literally would stop breathing sometimes, you know, and this is why you experience that tightness of the chest.00:37:50.320 --> 00:37:56.480


And so, yeah, I started waking up early and I build a home gym and I said, rain or shine, I'm gonna work out every day.00:37:56.719 --> 00:38:03.599


And little by little, you know, that gym just became like almost it, it was almost my safe place.00:38:03.679 --> 00:38:03.760


Yeah.00:38:04.559 --> 00:38:06.239


That gym became my shelter.00:38:06.400 --> 00:38:09.920


Like kind of when I was little and I and I, the shelter was my safe place.00:38:10.079 --> 00:38:11.280


That gym became my shelter.00:38:11.360 --> 00:38:20.480


And I started really um getting into as I was getting stronger and working out and lifting weights and taking care of myself, my mental health started to change.00:38:20.559 --> 00:38:23.599


I little by little I started started to Were you asking for more help?00:38:23.760 --> 00:38:26.480


I know we had mentioned like you started asking your husband for more help.00:38:26.719 --> 00:38:26.960


100%.00:38:27.360 --> 00:38:27.679


100%.00:38:28.320 --> 00:38:36.079


I actually, I actually, you know, I had talked to someone and they said, you know, why don't you ask your husband to start helping out a little bit?00:38:36.239 --> 00:38:39.039


Like maybe ask him to do breakfasts, you know, here and there.00:38:39.119 --> 00:38:39.599


And so I did.00:38:39.679 --> 00:38:45.840


I would go into the gym, and when the kids woke up, I would, I would ask my husband, do you mind today making breakfast for the kids?00:38:45.920 --> 00:38:47.760


Do you mind dropping off the kids?00:38:48.000 --> 00:38:52.880


And, you know, at first it was really getting used to there was a lot of changes in the house.00:38:53.119 --> 00:38:59.119


Certain things had to happen because I wasn't any more afraid of asking help, even though I still felt guilty about it.00:38:59.280 --> 00:39:01.119


But I was like, why not?00:39:01.360 --> 00:39:04.559


Why aren't our husbands capable of helping out?00:39:04.719 --> 00:39:07.440


Why aren't they capable of making breakfast?00:39:07.599 --> 00:39:12.079


I mean, if you Yeah, as women, we always think even though you're you're both working, right?00:39:12.320 --> 00:39:14.239


You still wanted to take all of it on.00:39:14.480 --> 00:39:20.960


I think it's that we're such that mothering, that nurturing it's in our body, but then it is, but then your health was on the line.00:39:21.199 --> 00:39:21.920


Your life was on the line.00:39:22.000 --> 00:39:23.119


Your life was on the line.00:39:23.360 --> 00:39:27.840


And I really the way I looked at it and I said, if I keep on doing everything, I'm not gonna be around.00:39:27.920 --> 00:39:32.320


Um there's not gonna be Gita anymore, and there's not gonna be a mom for these two beautiful kids.00:39:32.559 --> 00:39:34.800


And so I little by little I started asking for help.00:39:34.880 --> 00:39:36.400


I started asking him, do you mind today?00:39:36.480 --> 00:39:42.880


And maybe like pick two days a week where you can make breakfast, you know, when maybe you have to be at work at nine and not eight, you do the breakfast.00:39:43.039 --> 00:39:46.960


I'll do the breakfast when I go to night to work at nine and not 7:30 or 8.00:39:47.119 --> 00:39:49.519


And so I started restructuring things at home.00:39:49.679 --> 00:39:56.719


And a lot of it had to also learn to let go because I was holding on to so much.00:39:56.880 --> 00:40:03.119


Like the pillows had to be fluffed a certain way, and the house had to be perfect, and everything had to be picture perfect.00:40:03.599 --> 00:40:05.519


Well, that control probably brought you safety, right?00:40:05.679 --> 00:40:06.239


It did from the city.00:40:06.480 --> 00:40:07.840


Control for me brought me safety.00:40:08.159 --> 00:40:15.360


And so even though I was working, and sometimes I would get home maybe 15 minutes or 10 minutes before my husband did, I was always like, I gotta light a candle.00:40:15.599 --> 00:40:21.519


If there was anything on the on the counter, I had to clean it because when he came home, it had to be like the beautiful perfect home.00:40:21.679 --> 00:40:23.119


And so I had to let go of that.00:40:23.199 --> 00:40:25.840


And I was like, it's okay if the pillow's not fluffed today.00:40:25.920 --> 00:40:26.559


I'm okay with it.00:40:26.719 --> 00:40:33.679


And it's so it was a learning experience where I had to ask for help, but I also had to let go of certain things that at the end of the day didn't matter so much.00:40:33.840 --> 00:40:35.920


So almost like that change your shift your perspective.00:40:36.559 --> 00:40:40.559


Shift in my perspective, so probably constantly that mind shift nonstop, right?00:40:40.880 --> 00:40:47.760


And that perfectionism of, you know, everything had to be perfect around me and I had to be this perfect everything.00:40:47.920 --> 00:40:58.960


And I realized that it's okay to, you know, it's okay not to every single night maybe read 15 to 20 minutes and scratch my kids for 30 minutes until they fell asleep.00:40:59.119 --> 00:41:02.719


And so I had to also teach my kids to sometimes, you know, mommy's a little tired.00:41:02.800 --> 00:41:05.280


I'm gonna scratch you for five minutes, mommy's gonna go to bed.00:41:05.440 --> 00:41:08.400


And so I started little by little doing certain changes.00:41:08.639 --> 00:41:11.519


Um, I started taking a, you know, a little bit of lunch hour.00:41:11.599 --> 00:41:21.440


I would, I still have to this day, don't always get a lunch hour, but I started going outside and sometimes just for lunch hour, just sitting in the sun for five minutes, and vitamin D helped a lot.00:41:21.519 --> 00:41:25.199


I had major vitamin D deficiency, although I lived in Southern California.00:41:25.599 --> 00:41:28.639


And, you know, little by little I stopped working on Saturdays.00:41:28.719 --> 00:41:29.599


I said, you know what?00:41:29.840 --> 00:41:31.360


I'm just not gonna work on Saturdays.00:41:31.519 --> 00:41:35.599


I opened up one or two days a week where I would stay late at work and took Saturdays off.00:41:35.760 --> 00:41:39.599


And for people that work, I offered five and 5:30 p.m.00:41:39.840 --> 00:41:40.559


appointments.00:41:41.119 --> 00:41:44.800


And then I had the weekends to myself, and that really helped me a lot.00:41:44.880 --> 00:41:46.719


That really changed a lot of things.00:41:47.039 --> 00:41:53.119


And, you know, and again, um, you know, I would ask my husband, how about you plan this vacation this time?00:41:53.280 --> 00:41:54.159


You plan dinner.00:41:54.320 --> 00:42:01.679


And it was always me every time, every Wednesday or Thursday, I would send him text message and I'll say, Thursday, we're going out here, Friday, it's here, Saturday.00:42:01.760 --> 00:42:05.679


We're doing this with that family, and Sunday we're having a barbecue and I'm inviting everyone over.00:42:05.840 --> 00:42:07.519


And so that had to also change.00:42:07.920 --> 00:42:10.239


And I would say, What do you want to do on Thursday?00:42:10.400 --> 00:42:11.599


Do you mind planning Thursday night?00:42:11.760 --> 00:42:12.960


Do you mind planning date night?00:42:13.119 --> 00:42:16.159


And so I had to let go and delegate certain things.00:42:16.480 --> 00:42:18.639


At work, I had to let go of a lot of things.00:42:18.880 --> 00:42:23.679


Um, I would always run to the front and try to take over and fix things for everybody.00:42:23.840 --> 00:42:25.840


And then I realized I'm not a fixer.00:42:26.000 --> 00:42:27.360


I don't need to fix things.00:42:27.519 --> 00:42:34.000


I really just need to be the boss who inspires their employees and I'm there for them when they need me.00:42:34.079 --> 00:42:41.360


But I don't I don't have to be that, you know, the boss that's constantly having to fix their mistakes and fix them and make sure they're okay all the time.00:42:41.599 --> 00:42:45.519


And so I had to change my attitude at work a lot as well with my employees.00:42:45.599 --> 00:42:49.039


And I was taking on so much pressure from from work as well.00:42:49.199 --> 00:42:54.159


And so there was a lot of shifting, there was a lot of changing in every aspect of my life.00:42:54.480 --> 00:42:59.039


And I started going out on girls' nights because I'm like, I need my girlfriends, I need to talk about it.00:42:59.360 --> 00:43:01.039


Community, sisterhood, you know, sisterhood.00:43:01.760 --> 00:43:06.719


So, you know, once every two weeks I'd go out now, and I still do with my girlfriends.00:43:06.800 --> 00:43:09.440


And, you know, my husband at first wasn't used to it.00:43:09.599 --> 00:43:12.639


Now he is, you know, and so it's definitely a change.00:43:12.800 --> 00:43:15.760


Um, I took my first girl's trip, I want to say three years ago.00:43:15.840 --> 00:43:18.880


I've been married for 18 years, for 14 years, I never went anywhere with the girls.00:43:18.960 --> 00:43:20.400


I was finally like, I'm going.00:43:20.800 --> 00:43:24.800


We're gonna go to New York, yeah, and we're gonna go for a girl's trip, and mommy's not gonna feel guilty.00:43:24.960 --> 00:43:32.800


Yes, and so there's so many aspects that you that came into play little by little that I had to learn to let go of the guilt.00:43:32.960 --> 00:43:34.960


And you know, we don't ever let go of the guilt completely.00:43:35.199 --> 00:43:36.079


I know, yes, it is hard.00:43:36.559 --> 00:43:37.360


It's very hard, yeah.00:43:37.679 --> 00:43:41.760


We're women and we're mothers and we're wives and stuff, so the guilt never goes away.00:43:41.840 --> 00:43:49.280


Yes, but you you learn along the way that you're also human and you have needs, you have easy.00:43:49.599 --> 00:43:53.760


You find that balance, you find that, yeah, and you find that balance, and it's never the perfect balance.00:43:53.840 --> 00:43:56.559


And everyone always says to me, How do you do it?00:43:56.719 --> 00:44:06.000


Like, how are you always looking perfect and you're always dressed up and your hair makeup is on, and you know, you're working so hard and you're a boss and you're a mom and you travel.00:44:06.079 --> 00:44:13.679


And and it's not about being having the perfect balance because sometimes when when you look good, you have to let go of certain things, right?00:44:13.840 --> 00:44:16.800


And then when you're at work, I don't always look good.00:44:16.880 --> 00:44:18.480


I don't, you know, I have my hair in a bun.00:44:18.559 --> 00:44:21.440


And sometimes I'll even like shoot myself, like do stories at work.00:44:21.519 --> 00:44:23.440


I'm like, my hair looks like shit right now.00:44:24.000 --> 00:44:30.639


I look like a truck ran me over because I don't want people to feel that I'm always perfect because I'm not.00:44:30.880 --> 00:44:35.119


I mean, there's days where I'm covered in blood and saliva, and I show that on Instagram.00:44:35.280 --> 00:44:38.400


I say, I'm covered in blood and saliva, my hair is a mask.00:44:38.480 --> 00:44:46.960


Like the other day, I mean, I my hair was in a ponytail and it was a disaster, and it took my mask off and I took a selfie and a video, and I literally straight out said it.00:44:47.119 --> 00:44:52.719


Because there's no such thing as always looking good and always looking perfect and always being perfect.00:44:52.880 --> 00:45:00.000


And so yeah, it was definitely a balance, it was definitely learning to balance things out and definitely letting go and delegating.00:45:00.079 --> 00:45:01.440


Oh my God, I had to delegate so much.00:45:01.599 --> 00:45:03.920


And now I hardly ever come to the front.00:45:04.079 --> 00:45:22.239


I'll say, if you guys, if there's no way you guys can figure it out, call me because I I was running from the front to the back, from the front to the back, and and you know, I had to do the dentistry, but I also had to, you know, tell them how to deal with the insurances or how to deal with the patients and how to tell this patient, now this procedure didn't work, we got to do this.00:45:22.400 --> 00:45:30.880


And so delegating and letting go, I had to let go at work where I'm like, I hired you, I'm paying you this money because I want you to take care of this.00:45:31.039 --> 00:45:34.079


If you can't come to me and I'll help you, my door's always open.00:45:34.320 --> 00:45:37.039


And little by little I had to let go at work as well.00:45:37.199 --> 00:45:40.239


And so, yeah, it was So do you see a big change in your health?00:45:40.400 --> 00:45:41.920


Like as far as your heart, like now.00:45:42.239 --> 00:45:42.880


Oh, yes.00:45:43.039 --> 00:45:44.079


Oh, a hundred percent.00:45:44.480 --> 00:45:49.599


My heart, my heart arrhythmia stayed with me for about a week or so, maybe two weeks.00:45:49.840 --> 00:45:58.079


Um, and then little by little, when I started to do all these little changes, I started to feel I would wake up in the morning and I didn't have that elephant on my chest anymore.00:45:58.159 --> 00:46:00.239


And I would wake up with a smile on my face.00:46:00.480 --> 00:46:12.159


And it's so funny because I would go before I went to bed, I would run downstairs and get the coffee machine because I was so excited to wake up in the morning and to have that alone time by myself and like my own.00:46:12.480 --> 00:46:12.960


I'm the same way.00:46:13.199 --> 00:46:14.000


I'm a 5 a.m.00:46:14.159 --> 00:46:14.719


club too.00:46:15.119 --> 00:46:15.519


Exactly.00:46:15.679 --> 00:46:19.679


So yes, and so instead of before, I would go to bed and I would wake up.00:46:19.760 --> 00:46:25.920


I'm like, oh God, it's Thursday, and Thursday I have to, you know, I'm doing this and I'm seeing this many patients.00:46:26.159 --> 00:46:28.800


It was like, I'm excited to wake up on Thursday.00:46:28.960 --> 00:46:33.039


And so I would, I would do these little changes where the things that made me happen.00:46:33.199 --> 00:46:34.159


It's so funny sometimes.00:46:34.320 --> 00:46:42.559


People say, like, money doesn't bring you happiness, and it's so true because my cuff, my cup of coffee and my 30 minutes alone in the morning became my happiness.00:46:42.719 --> 00:46:43.679


And those things are free.00:46:44.000 --> 00:46:46.239


I mean, a cup of coffee and sitting alone is free.00:46:46.400 --> 00:46:46.639


Yes.00:46:46.880 --> 00:47:01.360


And so those little things, and just like watching the sunrise and the quiet in the morning, and just putting on my headphones and working out and being in that moment, all the free things that you can imagine really is what cured me and what healed me.00:47:01.440 --> 00:47:04.239


And little by little I started to wake up in the morning happy.00:47:04.559 --> 00:47:08.320


And that anxiety started to chip away, it just went away little by little.00:47:08.480 --> 00:47:11.599


And I started to feel like there's a person here.00:47:11.760 --> 00:47:14.960


Like I started to like really sit down and go, Who is Gita?00:47:15.199 --> 00:47:16.079


Like, who am I?00:47:16.159 --> 00:47:17.599


And what what do I need?00:47:17.760 --> 00:47:28.880


And and I started pouring it into my own cup, and not not to say that I stopped giving because you know, 645 came and I was like, still the kid after heart, honey.00:47:29.039 --> 00:47:32.639


So I was still the wife, the mother, the boss, the dentist.00:47:33.039 --> 00:47:38.159


But the having that routine in the morning of self-care to fill your purpose.00:47:38.480 --> 00:47:39.039


Yes, yeah.00:47:39.199 --> 00:47:40.480


And and I had a purpose.00:47:40.639 --> 00:47:42.559


I felt like I was fulfilled, I had a purpose.00:47:42.639 --> 00:47:53.920


I was living with with um, you know, more clarity to to, you know, yeah, because when you're in that space of meditation, where you do find more clarity of your purpose.00:47:55.280 --> 00:47:57.360


So when I got to work, I wasn't as anxious.00:47:57.440 --> 00:48:01.119


I was happy, and my you know, my staff would say, Why are you so hyper today?00:48:01.199 --> 00:48:02.079


Like, why are you so happy?00:48:02.159 --> 00:48:03.760


And how many cups of coffee did you have?00:48:03.840 --> 00:48:05.679


And I said, honestly, I just went for like five minutes.00:48:09.280 --> 00:48:13.599


If you're calm, yeah, because most patients will come in with lots of fear and anxiety.00:48:13.920 --> 00:48:14.480


For sure, right?00:48:14.559 --> 00:48:24.239


So if you're regulated and you're in such close proximity, do you find that you were in better space to take care of patients that were driven with fear and anxiety than that?00:48:24.480 --> 00:48:24.719


100%.00:48:25.199 --> 00:48:29.840


I mean, before sometimes I was so tense that you you could cut the tension with a knife.00:48:29.920 --> 00:48:34.639


I mean, you could feel the amount of anxiety I'm having as I'm drilling, as I'm working on patients.00:48:34.800 --> 00:48:38.079


I would have literally sometimes almost panic attacks as I'm working.00:48:38.400 --> 00:48:43.760


Um, and now it's just like my patients come in and they're like, we love it here.00:48:43.920 --> 00:48:45.840


I mean, the environment has changed.00:48:46.079 --> 00:48:48.079


I'm I'm happier, I'm easygoing.00:48:48.159 --> 00:48:54.719


I sit down, I chat with my patients, I talk to them, they tell me their issues, their problems, we discuss things.00:48:55.039 --> 00:48:58.880


And it's funny because we have, you know, new patients obviously always coming in.00:48:58.960 --> 00:49:05.199


And the first thing they say, they're like, this is the most friendliest, like calmest environment we've ever been in.00:49:05.360 --> 00:49:05.840


That's crazy.00:49:06.079 --> 00:49:17.840


And it's all because of my mindset and how I've changed my attitude and how I feel that it's projecting on my patients, on my employees, on my staff, and everyone around me.00:49:18.079 --> 00:49:24.480


And so if you walk into our office right now, there's not one single patient that doesn't come in and goes, This office is so bright.00:49:24.639 --> 00:49:24.880


Yes.00:49:25.119 --> 00:49:26.480


It's so it's such a bright office.00:49:26.639 --> 00:49:27.360


It's so happy.00:49:27.440 --> 00:49:28.559


You guys are so friendly.00:49:28.719 --> 00:49:42.000


And our reviews are always, you know, obviously it's about my work too, but it's mainly about the staff, the environment, how friendly we are, how easy-going we are, how comfortable patients feel, and how peaceful the environment is.00:49:42.159 --> 00:49:45.519


And and that's really it all because it stemmed from me changing.00:49:45.679 --> 00:49:46.400


You taking care of them.00:49:46.639 --> 00:49:47.440


Yeah, taking care of me.00:49:47.679 --> 00:49:50.320


That's why I always tell dentists it's so important, take care of them there.00:49:50.559 --> 00:49:53.360


Because even because you're this called mirror neurons, right?00:49:53.440 --> 00:49:55.199


You're standing right close proximity.00:49:55.280 --> 00:49:58.239


So the patient will kind of mirror what you're feeling as well.00:49:58.320 --> 00:50:05.360


And if they're already feeling anxiety, but you can help calm them with just you being calm as well, you know.00:50:05.519 --> 00:50:07.760


And so and certain things that you do.00:50:07.920 --> 00:50:15.199


I mean, you know, before, for instance, I'd run from room to room, and I never took the time to really sit in my office alone and take a minute.00:50:15.280 --> 00:50:23.519


So now if I have a hard case and I'm having a hard time, I literally tell my staff, I'll I'll intercom the front and I go, I'm in my office for five minutes.00:50:23.679 --> 00:50:24.480


I need five minutes.00:50:24.639 --> 00:50:30.800


I literally will say that I'll go in my office, I meditate for five minutes, I take a deep breath, I just sit quietly.00:50:31.039 --> 00:50:38.800


I take my time, five, and it's never really more than five minutes, but even that five minutes of just like taking a moment for yourself.00:50:38.960 --> 00:50:39.199


Yeah.00:50:39.440 --> 00:50:44.960


And sometimes I'll lock my door because you know how it is in the dental office, they barge right in like Kramer from Seinfeld.00:50:45.039 --> 00:50:48.079


I'm like, you guys, you don't know what it what knocking is.00:50:49.039 --> 00:50:53.199


Um, and even sometimes I'll go hide in the bathroom because I know they're gonna knock on my door.00:50:53.280 --> 00:51:01.280


So I will go and lock the bathroom and I will sit in the bathroom and I just lean against the wall and I just take five minutes for myself and I just breathe.00:51:01.440 --> 00:51:02.079


That's so good.00:51:02.239 --> 00:51:06.000


And that gets me through the day, and I come out and I'm like, all right, I'm ready to go again.00:51:06.320 --> 00:51:13.679


So, you know, as opposed to before, it was just chaos and chaos and running around and not really like my day was just yeah, patience of patience.00:51:13.840 --> 00:51:19.440


So carrying their fear to another patient with fear, and you're never really filling up your cup as well, right?00:51:19.760 --> 00:51:23.199


And it's funny, Melissa, to think of it because my schedule hasn't changed.00:51:23.360 --> 00:51:25.039


The schedule itself hasn't changed.00:51:25.119 --> 00:51:26.559


I don't see less patience.00:51:26.719 --> 00:51:27.519


I'm not working.00:51:27.599 --> 00:51:31.679


I the only really thing I've changed was stop working on Saturdays, but I'm still busy.00:51:31.840 --> 00:51:34.239


I'm still seeing just the same amount of patience.00:51:34.480 --> 00:51:38.239


But really, it's my mindset has changed and my attitude has changed.00:51:38.320 --> 00:51:41.920


And now taking that time in the morning for myself to center myself.00:51:42.239 --> 00:51:47.920


So when the kids are up, I've already had my coffee, I've already meditated, I've already prayed, I've already worked out.00:51:48.159 --> 00:51:50.239


I'm in such good mode at that point.00:51:50.400 --> 00:51:52.239


My kids wake up, I'm like, hello.00:51:52.559 --> 00:51:54.000


Like, hi, honey money.00:51:54.159 --> 00:51:56.800


Like, I'm like, my my daughter's like, what's wrong?00:51:57.039 --> 00:51:57.760


What's with it?00:51:57.920 --> 00:51:59.199


It changes the dynamic for your family.00:51:59.599 --> 00:52:00.880


It changes the dynamic for the family.00:52:00.960 --> 00:52:03.280


And when I get to work, I'm like, good morning, you guys.00:52:03.360 --> 00:52:04.320


I love my staff.00:52:04.400 --> 00:52:05.119


And hi, hi.00:52:05.199 --> 00:52:07.440


I walk in and I say hi to every single person.00:52:07.760 --> 00:52:09.920


And it's just all just it becomes vital.00:52:10.559 --> 00:52:11.679


I need to have that practice.00:52:11.840 --> 00:52:12.079


Yeah.00:52:12.239 --> 00:52:12.480


Yeah.00:52:12.559 --> 00:52:13.920


I see that for myself as well.00:52:14.000 --> 00:52:15.920


And I always say, well, no, it's I need it.00:52:16.000 --> 00:52:17.119


I have to have that time.00:52:17.360 --> 00:52:18.079


You have to have that time.00:52:18.159 --> 00:52:18.320


Yeah.00:52:18.400 --> 00:52:23.679


And now I don't feel as the guilty if I do do three day retreats or I get away, just for me.00:52:23.920 --> 00:52:24.320


It's okay.00:52:24.480 --> 00:52:24.800


It's okay.00:52:24.960 --> 00:52:25.199


It's okay.00:52:25.360 --> 00:52:30.480


You know, in the beginning, I was always like, Oh, my, especially my son had separation anxiety.00:52:30.719 --> 00:52:36.239


And I'd feel really guilty because they'd be really sad and they I would never go away as well, you know?00:52:36.400 --> 00:52:40.480


And so, but it was so important because I came back a better mom, more calm.00:52:40.880 --> 00:52:49.599


So I think, and then I think for you as a dentist, seeing so many patients as well, it's important to show up for your patients all calm and regulated as well.00:52:50.159 --> 00:52:58.559


And it's important too when you leave your office to get home and and be a good mom and be a good wife and and all of that too, because your your kids feel it.00:52:58.719 --> 00:53:01.519


My and it's so funny that you know you say that.00:53:01.760 --> 00:53:06.000


My daughter is now 16, and out of the blue, Melissa.00:53:06.159 --> 00:53:11.280


I think it was about I want to say six months ago, we were driving.00:53:12.079 --> 00:53:14.480


And I I don't know what prompted her to say that.00:53:14.639 --> 00:53:15.840


Out of the blue, she was mommy.00:53:16.400 --> 00:53:19.199


She saw something that reminded her of something, and she goes, mommy.00:53:19.840 --> 00:53:20.719


I don't know why.00:53:20.880 --> 00:53:22.639


Oh, it was a picture I think she saw on her phone.00:53:22.719 --> 00:53:23.440


She goes, I don't know.00:53:23.599 --> 00:53:27.679


And she was young at the time to for her to even realize it and see it.00:53:28.000 --> 00:53:33.920


She goes, I don't know why, mommy, but during that part of my life, I remember you weren't happy.00:53:34.320 --> 00:53:36.400


For her to say that, and she was little.00:53:36.480 --> 00:53:39.679


I mean, I think at the time she was maybe seven or eight.00:53:39.840 --> 00:53:46.800


So for a seven-year-old to like notice like mom wasn't happy or mom was anxious, it's it was pretty probably obvious for her.00:53:46.960 --> 00:53:51.280


And now she's 16, she goes, I remember during that time you just you're not, you weren't the same person.00:53:51.360 --> 00:53:58.880


You've changed so much, and now you're like, you're powerful, you're happy, you're confident, you're always gung ho, like you're always so positive.00:53:59.039 --> 00:54:08.320


She goes, There was a period of time when I was younger um that I remember you just that you were just you were sad all the time and you were you were anxious all the time.00:54:09.199 --> 00:54:09.599


She could feel it.00:54:09.840 --> 00:54:11.760


And I think your kids absorb that energy.00:54:11.920 --> 00:54:12.960


So yes, they do.00:54:13.199 --> 00:54:14.400


Did you see signs of that?00:54:14.480 --> 00:54:16.559


Your kids carried some of that anxiety as well.00:54:17.199 --> 00:54:17.840


I did, I did.00:54:18.000 --> 00:54:22.960


I remember when my daughter was actually eight or nine, she had such bad separation anxiety.00:54:23.039 --> 00:54:25.039


I would drop her off and it came out of the blue.00:54:25.119 --> 00:54:32.159


And it's so funny because I would drop her off at school, and midday or like late morning, the teacher would call me.00:54:32.239 --> 00:54:34.480


She's like, you know, Kayla's having a little bit of anxiety.00:54:34.559 --> 00:54:36.960


And I and it was like literally separation anxiety.00:54:37.119 --> 00:54:39.679


It took her about probably a year to get over it.00:54:39.760 --> 00:54:41.360


And I couldn't like point my finger.00:54:41.440 --> 00:54:43.360


I said, Why is she having separation anxiety?00:54:43.599 --> 00:54:45.199


She wanted to be with me all the time.00:54:45.360 --> 00:54:48.320


And I think now looking back, I'm like, I think she was worried.00:54:48.559 --> 00:54:53.840


I think it was just her, you know, mind going, ah, mommy's not happy or something's wrong with her.00:54:54.000 --> 00:54:54.639


I need to be by it.00:54:55.360 --> 00:54:55.519


Yes.00:54:55.760 --> 00:54:55.920


Yeah.00:54:56.000 --> 00:54:59.679


So now looking back and I go, Kayla, like you really remember when you were stuffed.00:54:59.760 --> 00:55:01.519


She goes, Mommy, I remember very clearly.00:55:01.679 --> 00:55:02.800


And now I remember what it was.00:55:02.880 --> 00:55:05.599


It was an Easter picture that she saw on her that popped up on her phone.00:55:05.840 --> 00:55:07.280


Oh, your big Easter parties, too.00:55:07.519 --> 00:55:16.000


It was it was an Easter picture, and we were at brunch, and she goes, I don't know why that period of time, I remember you just were not happy and you were sad.00:55:16.079 --> 00:55:19.679


And so yeah, I think they your kids take it on as well because it's it's your energy.00:55:19.760 --> 00:55:21.440


And yes, yeah, absolutely.00:55:21.760 --> 00:55:22.480


I noticed that.00:55:22.639 --> 00:55:23.760


I notice that all the time.00:55:23.840 --> 00:55:27.199


And I always say, tell parents, take care of it, they'll be like, I'm really worried.00:55:27.360 --> 00:55:29.840


My child is exposing some anxieties and this and that.00:55:29.920 --> 00:55:32.159


I said, Well, a lot of times they co-regulate with you.00:55:32.239 --> 00:55:32.960


How are you been feeling?00:55:33.199 --> 00:55:33.760


How are you feeling?00:55:34.000 --> 00:55:35.199


How you been living in fear?00:55:35.360 --> 00:55:36.239


Have you been so anxious?00:55:36.320 --> 00:55:37.360


And a lot of times, yes.00:55:37.760 --> 00:55:41.039


I said, Well, they're carrying that, just like you know, dogs, dogs do the same.00:55:41.199 --> 00:55:47.679


We have two dogs and they carry uh my kids' personalities and anxieties, and so they really mirror us.00:55:47.760 --> 00:55:56.639


So I always say it's so important to work as a parent on themselves, and even for fathers, you know, that that grind and grind and want to be, and they forget themselves as well.00:55:56.960 --> 00:56:01.679


You know, my husband did the same thing, being a business owner, and he just forgot to take care of himself.00:56:02.000 --> 00:56:02.320


For sure.00:56:02.400 --> 00:56:04.559


It goes towards both male and female.00:56:04.639 --> 00:56:08.480


I mean, you know, and then like your husband, I mean, as dads too, there's so much pressure.00:56:08.639 --> 00:56:13.679


And I think it's sometimes even worse for males because they feel like they can't express themselves.00:56:13.760 --> 00:56:17.920


They feel like they have to be strong and they're the man and they have to provide and all of that.00:56:18.000 --> 00:56:29.519


And and there's pressure on them too to, you know, not to really cry or not to have feelings or not to so they hold they hold on to that stuff too, and it affects them mentally, and it shows up in physical ways as well.00:56:29.760 --> 00:56:30.639


In physical ways.00:56:30.800 --> 00:56:33.599


So I love that now that you are inspiring so many.00:56:33.760 --> 00:56:34.880


Now you've written a book, right?00:56:35.039 --> 00:56:35.920


Yeah, I'm writing a book.00:56:36.000 --> 00:56:37.519


It's it's about to be published in a few months.00:56:37.840 --> 00:56:38.639


Share the title.00:56:38.880 --> 00:56:44.079


So the title is called The Keyholder, and really uh Because you held the keys at a shelter.00:56:44.639 --> 00:56:49.360


I I was the key holder, and the the book is a memoir.00:56:49.440 --> 00:56:59.440


I mean, it's a memoir about my childhood and and moving here and really just my life and and how I it overcame adversity and you know, thrived and all these things.00:56:59.599 --> 00:57:01.920


And it's also a motivational book.00:57:02.159 --> 00:57:17.920


It started out as actually a memoir, but I wanted to turn it into a how-to and how to thrive and overcome all the things, all the negative things that happened to our life in our lives, because for me, every negative thing that's have happened, I have turned it into something positive.00:57:18.000 --> 00:57:21.920


I've actually, you know, worked harder from it.00:57:22.079 --> 00:57:29.119


I've you know um achieved bigger and better things from it, and I've used that pain to turn it into power.00:57:29.440 --> 00:57:35.360


And so I, you know, I have little, you know, work um little work things that you do at the end.00:57:35.599 --> 00:57:41.599


Yeah, like like journal prompts and things prompts that you gotta do for your little homework at the end of each chapter.00:57:42.079 --> 00:57:45.679


And your story doesn't have to be maybe of war, you know.00:57:45.760 --> 00:57:46.880


We've all we all have stories.00:57:47.039 --> 00:57:57.199


Mine was growing up, you know, in the war and moving here and all the things that I went through, but it could be a divorce, it could be a story like yours, you know, Melissa, and it could be it could be so many things.00:57:57.360 --> 00:58:01.519


Um uh, you know, abuse, it could be childhood trauma.00:58:01.599 --> 00:58:10.159


I don't, you know, I don't know what it is, but it's really not about what happened to you, but it's about what you do with that and how you turn it into something positive.00:58:10.320 --> 00:58:12.800


And instead of spiraling down, how you rise above it.00:58:13.039 --> 00:58:13.519


Rise above it.00:58:13.599 --> 00:58:14.639


And that's what the book is all about.00:58:14.719 --> 00:58:16.960


So I'm so excited for it to come out and really share it.00:58:17.760 --> 00:58:18.079


Yeah.00:58:18.400 --> 00:58:19.360


When is it coming out?00:58:19.519 --> 00:58:20.480


It's coming out in January.00:58:20.639 --> 00:58:22.400


So can we make a January launching?00:58:22.719 --> 00:58:23.119


Okay, yes.00:58:23.360 --> 00:58:24.320


I can't wait to read it.00:58:24.480 --> 00:58:26.480


And then I know you also have your own podcast.00:58:26.719 --> 00:58:26.960


I do.00:58:27.440 --> 00:58:32.079


And I love the title, The Smile Diaries, because even my first book, I called it the truth behind the smiles.00:58:32.159 --> 00:58:34.079


And I think we could just so relate, right?00:58:34.159 --> 00:58:38.000


We we see people smiling all the time, but we never know those stories.00:58:38.239 --> 00:58:47.360


It's you actually took the words out of my mouth, and it's so funny because one day I woke up and I think it was like two or three or four in the morning, and I looked at my husband and I go, I'm starting a podcast.00:58:47.599 --> 00:58:48.880


And he goes, You're crazy.00:58:48.960 --> 00:58:51.519


Like as if you don't have enough on your plate already.00:58:51.760 --> 00:58:53.280


He's like, Why do you want to do that?00:58:53.360 --> 00:58:54.400


And I said, You know what?00:58:54.559 --> 00:59:01.440


I really want to inspire people and talk about journeys because a lot of times people look at you and they judge you.00:59:01.519 --> 00:59:04.079


And I was just having that conversation with Tyler earlier.00:59:04.320 --> 00:59:16.800


People look at you and they just see this person, and it's like, oh, well, you've got the house, you've got the thriving practice, you've got the beautiful kids, and oh, things that were handed to her, and I'm sure things were easy for her or whatnot.00:59:17.039 --> 00:59:19.519


But people never know what's behind that smile.00:59:19.840 --> 00:59:26.960


And I told him, I said, you know, I really want to start a podcast, and I want to call it smile diaries because it's the diaries behind the smile.00:59:27.119 --> 00:59:28.719


Like, what is behind that?00:59:28.800 --> 00:59:31.679


We all walk around smiling and going, We're great, everything's good.00:59:31.760 --> 00:59:32.239


How are you?00:59:32.320 --> 00:59:35.360


I'm fine, but really, are you fine behind the smile?00:59:35.519 --> 00:59:36.800


Or what is your journey?00:59:36.960 --> 00:59:37.840


How did you get here?00:59:38.000 --> 00:59:38.960


What's going on?00:59:39.199 --> 00:59:42.480


And so that really was the point of starting the podcast.00:59:42.639 --> 00:59:45.599


And um don't you find that so healing podcasting?00:59:46.000 --> 00:59:46.400


So healing.00:59:46.639 --> 00:59:53.280


Because I feel like every story, even from yours and everybody guess that I have, I feel I I learn a lesson on life.00:59:53.440 --> 00:59:54.880


I it's like a school of life.00:59:55.039 --> 00:59:59.679


Yes, you know, it's it's almost like therapy, and it's also you you feel that sense of.01:00:00.159 --> 01:00:05.280


Of community, you realize that you're not the only one that has gone through so much pain or adversity.01:00:05.440 --> 01:00:10.239


I mean, just like we were talking last night at dinner, you know, you were listening to my story, I'm listening to yours.01:00:10.320 --> 01:00:12.400


And it that exchange is just powerful, right?01:00:12.480 --> 01:00:13.920


You're like, oh my God, I'm not the only one.01:00:14.159 --> 01:00:20.000


But don't you find that you find a common thread of people that are are rising above now their pain?01:00:20.079 --> 01:00:20.239


Yeah.01:00:20.400 --> 01:00:21.199


There's a common thread.01:00:21.360 --> 01:00:27.039


Like they're starting to work, go within, find that space, uh, sit in prayer, meditation, journaling.01:00:27.199 --> 01:00:36.400


I feel like there's that commonality of what people had to do, that self-realization, yeah, and to bring more fulfillment and love into their lives.01:00:36.639 --> 01:00:37.039


100%.01:00:37.440 --> 01:00:39.440


I mean, just like you know, we're talking about fitness.01:00:39.519 --> 01:00:41.119


I mean, fitness for me, and I'm sure it is.01:00:42.320 --> 01:00:42.719


Therapy.01:00:42.880 --> 01:00:43.039


Yeah.01:00:43.199 --> 01:00:46.639


And, you know, people go, well, you know, what do you do to lose weight or to stay thin?01:00:46.719 --> 01:00:49.679


And it it's not the thoughts that go through my head when I'm working out.01:00:49.760 --> 01:00:56.159


It's how the more I lift weights and the more I run, it's it's a it does something to my brain.01:00:56.239 --> 01:01:07.679


It's really just all about mental health and staying, you know, anxiety-free, being happy, having the energy to deal with everything around you, whether it's your kids or your office or your work, whatever it is.01:01:07.840 --> 01:01:13.039


Um, but it's not about fitness to me, it's not about looking good and it's not about losing weight.01:01:13.119 --> 01:01:15.440


It's really about being strong physically and mentally.01:01:15.599 --> 01:01:16.400


And it's all mental.01:01:16.480 --> 01:01:20.480


I mean, when I'm in the gym and I'm lifting weights or I'm running, running is therapy for me.01:01:20.639 --> 01:01:22.559


Like I cry on the treadmill all the time.01:01:22.719 --> 01:01:24.880


I I go for like 4:30, 5 a.m.01:01:25.039 --> 01:01:29.840


runs and I'm I'm half the time I'm crying because it's like it's all this anxiety and it's therapy.01:01:30.000 --> 01:01:30.639


It's releasing.01:01:31.280 --> 01:01:38.320


And so yeah, it's and I feel like a lot of people that are really fit and and they do that, a lot of it comes from from pain too.01:01:38.480 --> 01:01:42.480


Yes, it's like really releasing that pain and making something out of it.01:01:42.639 --> 01:01:43.199


Oh, absolutely.01:01:43.360 --> 01:01:43.920


And discipline.01:01:44.159 --> 01:01:52.079


I know I used to remember I could run and run for like eight miles because I'm like, it was like my meditation, my therapy, and then I'd feel better because I'm also I had like this pimp tap.01:01:52.320 --> 01:01:54.239


I'd feel like almost the anxiety.01:01:54.320 --> 01:01:55.519


I said, I need to go for a run.01:01:55.760 --> 01:01:56.480


It's a deflation.01:01:56.719 --> 01:01:56.880


Yes.01:01:57.119 --> 01:02:00.800


And the way I explain it to everyone, you know, people ask me, like, how can you run forever?01:02:00.960 --> 01:02:06.239


Because I sometimes, like I you said on Saturdays or Sundays, I'd start running and I was like forest gump.01:02:06.320 --> 01:02:06.880


I wouldn't stop.01:02:06.960 --> 01:02:10.880


I'm like, one more mile, eight miles down, 10 miles later, one more mile.01:02:11.039 --> 01:02:14.000


And people look at me, go, how do you run 10 miles on the weekend?01:02:14.159 --> 01:02:17.920


And honestly, I felt like a balloon was deflated.01:02:18.000 --> 01:02:18.159


Yeah.01:02:18.320 --> 01:02:24.480


Like it was almost like you put a pin in a balloon, and it's just little by little the air is coming out and being deflated.01:02:24.559 --> 01:02:34.159


And when I would get home, it was just like just all these like endorphins just running through my body and like happy hormones and like all that good stuff.01:02:34.239 --> 01:02:35.039


And I just felt good.01:02:35.119 --> 01:02:37.599


I felt like all the anxiety was taken away from me.01:02:37.920 --> 01:02:44.000


Because you you're working through the anxiety since you were born, living in that fear for so long that's trapped in your body.01:02:44.159 --> 01:02:46.480


So finding ways to release is so important.01:02:46.639 --> 01:02:56.559


I know I've kind of talked to you a little bit about breath work yesterday, and I truly feel like to help you store all that fear that's in your body is that safe release as well.01:02:56.960 --> 01:03:03.599


But, you know, like you said, running prayer, you know, your faith, you're so grounded in faith, you know, ever since you were huge.01:03:03.760 --> 01:03:04.800


It is huge, right?01:03:05.039 --> 01:03:05.280


Yeah.01:03:05.440 --> 01:03:17.440


I mean, we, you know, we talked about that, but having, you know, as a child, I mean, we were, you know, my parents were very religious and we we grew up, you know, Catholic, but I always say it doesn't matter what your religion is, you know, faith is faith.01:03:17.679 --> 01:03:37.920


Um, but knowing that there's a higher power and putting your issues or your problems into someone else's hand, and knowing that someone is listening, whoever it is for me, if it was Jesus and Mary and God or whatever it is, it gives you that sense of like relief as well.01:03:38.480 --> 01:03:46.880


And so faith for me and praying and knowing that there's someone, there's a higher power beyond me was was a form of therapy, and it still is.01:03:47.039 --> 01:03:59.039


I mean, even to this day, um, and it it took me two years to realize it because I would always hear people go, Well, God spoke to me, and and like I heard God's voice, and like my dad used to always say that like God spoke to me.01:03:59.119 --> 01:04:00.079


I was like, What do you mean?01:04:00.159 --> 01:04:13.599


Like you actually heard a voice, and it wasn't until recently that I probably about three years ago that I really started to hear the voices, and it's not a voice, it's just it's sometimes things happen to you and you see it and you're like, wow, that's a good thing.01:04:13.679 --> 01:04:14.400


Yes, a miracle.01:04:14.719 --> 01:04:15.280


Yes, it is.01:04:15.360 --> 01:04:18.480


So you get signs, yes, you get signs, yeah.01:04:18.800 --> 01:04:29.760


And I started, and I think I never saw it before, although I prayed a lot as a child, and having faith as a child was so important to me because those prayers were a form of therapy for me.01:04:29.920 --> 01:04:35.679


The prayers that I used to spend every night praying to God to like keep my family alive and keep my parents alive.01:04:35.840 --> 01:04:38.800


And I was so afraid of losing my parents and becoming an orphan.01:04:38.880 --> 01:04:40.400


Like that was one of my biggest fears.01:04:40.639 --> 01:04:42.800


And my second biggest fear was losing my lens.01:04:43.039 --> 01:04:43.599


I don't know why.01:04:43.760 --> 01:04:49.360


When I was five years old, I was like, I don't want to lose my arms, I don't want to lose my legs, and you know, like please don't hit me with a bomb.01:04:49.440 --> 01:04:51.440


And that was always my biggest fear.01:04:51.679 --> 01:04:57.519


Um, but having faith in God was me going through therapy as a child.01:04:57.599 --> 01:04:59.119


Like that was my form of therapy.01:04:59.280 --> 01:05:01.599


Um, I've never saw a therapist, I've never talked about anything.01:05:01.679 --> 01:05:02.960


And I was telling you earlier.01:05:03.199 --> 01:05:05.599


So that to me, what the prayers were a form of therapy.01:05:05.679 --> 01:05:09.840


So I think even to this day, like faith for me is has been huge.01:05:09.920 --> 01:05:13.679


I mean, there's so many nights where I just, you know, go to bed and there's something that's bothering me.01:05:13.760 --> 01:05:15.760


And at this point, I go, okay, God, it's in your hands.01:05:16.000 --> 01:05:16.239


Yes.01:05:16.320 --> 01:05:16.559


Yeah.01:05:16.960 --> 01:05:18.400


And to me, that is a relief.01:05:18.719 --> 01:05:20.800


Like that is completely letting it go.01:05:21.119 --> 01:05:22.880


Letting it go and putting it in his hands.01:05:22.960 --> 01:05:24.000


So faith is so important.01:05:24.320 --> 01:05:25.519


Yeah, faith over fear, right?01:05:25.760 --> 01:05:26.239


Oh, for sure.01:05:26.400 --> 01:05:28.559


Yeah, when the anxiety comes in, then you pray, right?01:05:28.719 --> 01:05:33.119


I always say just like it just switch it over to praying, right?01:05:33.280 --> 01:05:34.320


Hand it over to God.01:05:34.400 --> 01:05:34.559


Yeah.01:05:34.800 --> 01:05:38.079


And in that way, in whatever way you pray, you know, that I'm with you.01:05:38.159 --> 01:05:41.679


I said, whatever you want to call it, whatever, but just believing, pray on it, yeah.01:05:41.840 --> 01:05:42.559


Pray on it, pray.01:05:42.960 --> 01:05:43.119


Yeah.01:05:43.280 --> 01:05:47.920


Instead of spiraling in the fear and your thoughts, because we can definitely do that a lot.01:05:48.079 --> 01:05:48.880


You know, 100%.01:05:49.360 --> 01:05:50.880


It's just spiraling and spiraling.01:05:50.960 --> 01:05:57.119


And I catch myself sometimes, you know, like you said, the safety part of yourself, like, oh, I should be worried about all these things.01:05:57.199 --> 01:05:58.880


But now I said, oh no.01:05:59.199 --> 01:06:01.039


Just I'm just gonna step into it.01:06:01.119 --> 01:06:05.360


I've done so much in my last three years now where I'm like, okay, I'm gonna go for it.01:06:05.599 --> 01:06:06.960


I'm like, I'm not gonna overthink it.01:06:07.039 --> 01:06:08.400


I'm just gonna go for it, you know?01:06:08.480 --> 01:06:12.000


And it always works out, and there's always these little signs now.01:06:12.239 --> 01:06:14.000


And that clarity that you feel.01:06:14.079 --> 01:06:18.239


Yeah, because I I know I felt that the more I'm clear, the more I can hear God.01:06:18.400 --> 01:06:20.079


Yes, literally hear him.01:06:20.400 --> 01:06:23.039


So now I like crave it, you know, that clarity.01:06:23.360 --> 01:06:24.960


It's almost like addicting, yeah.01:06:25.199 --> 01:06:26.000


It's almost addicting.01:06:26.159 --> 01:06:26.320


Yeah.01:06:26.559 --> 01:06:43.599


And I think when you're going, and I always tell people that when you're going through life at such a pace where you're not really slowing down and taking things in, where you just get up and you're working and you're picking up the kids and you're coming home and you're doing this and you're doing that, you can't hear God.01:06:43.840 --> 01:06:49.519


You can't, you can't hear those voices because you're so wrapped up in the next minute, right?01:06:49.760 --> 01:06:52.079


That you're not grounded in in this minute.01:06:52.239 --> 01:06:52.480


Yes.01:06:52.639 --> 01:06:59.119


And I think for me, I didn't hear, you know, what my purpose was and what I needed to do.01:06:59.280 --> 01:07:12.480


It wasn't until I had gone through that, you know, a collapse in my office and I started to take the time alone and really go deep into my thoughts and meditate and feel that purpose and that fulfillment.01:07:12.639 --> 01:07:14.320


It's when things started happening.01:07:14.480 --> 01:07:17.840


And it's funny because once it starts to happen, it just comes to you out of nowhere.01:07:18.159 --> 01:07:18.880


It just comes to you.01:07:18.960 --> 01:07:20.800


Like you don't even have to make the effort anymore.01:07:20.880 --> 01:07:21.119


Yes.01:07:21.280 --> 01:07:23.039


It just comes to you because you open to it.01:07:23.199 --> 01:07:23.519


I know.01:07:23.679 --> 01:07:32.079


And I think before I was so closed and I was so my mind was always on the goal and the next thing, and what am I gonna do next?01:07:32.239 --> 01:07:37.599


That I wasn't really living a purposeful life and I wasn't opening my mind to accepting it.01:07:37.760 --> 01:07:40.239


And now that I am, it just happens to me.01:07:40.400 --> 01:07:41.519


Things fall in my lap sometimes.01:07:42.000 --> 01:07:43.039


I say that the same thing.01:07:43.119 --> 01:07:45.280


I'm like, people are like, Oh, do you have a PR?01:07:45.360 --> 01:07:45.840


Do you have this?01:07:46.000 --> 01:07:50.880


No, because it literally just like even how I'm connected with you and other people.01:07:50.960 --> 01:07:53.199


And I'm like, no, it just kind of happens, yeah.01:07:53.440 --> 01:07:58.480


And it's so funny because sometimes I my husband will get home and I literally burst out in tears.01:07:58.559 --> 01:07:59.440


And he's like, What are you?01:07:59.519 --> 01:07:59.920


What happened?01:08:00.000 --> 01:08:00.480


Are you okay?01:08:00.559 --> 01:08:01.280


Like, why are you crying?01:08:01.360 --> 01:08:05.039


And I go, Well, this really good thing just happened today and it just came out of nowhere.01:08:05.119 --> 01:08:07.599


And he's like, Okay, honey, well, why aren't you happy?01:08:07.760 --> 01:08:09.599


I'm like, no, these were tears of joy.01:08:10.079 --> 01:08:24.239


And I feel it, I truly feel it because deep down and like really deep down in my core, I'm opening up and I'm open to it and I'm listening and I'm sitting and with myself, I'm sitting in my thoughts and I'm accepting it.01:08:24.319 --> 01:08:25.520


Yeah, as before I didn't.01:08:25.600 --> 01:08:28.399


As before exciting, like I get so excited.01:08:28.640 --> 01:08:30.000


Life is so exciting right now.01:08:30.079 --> 01:08:31.199


I feel like I'm so excited.01:08:32.399 --> 01:08:38.159


And then you look forward to like, you know, I look forward now to waking up in the morning, like, what's what's gonna happen today?01:08:38.880 --> 01:08:40.640


And it's just such a change of mindset.01:08:40.800 --> 01:08:43.039


I mean, it's just incredible when you get to that point.01:08:43.359 --> 01:08:44.800


Now I want everybody to have that.01:08:44.960 --> 01:08:45.359


I really do.01:08:45.439 --> 01:08:47.920


I'm like, I'm like, you should really try this.01:08:48.399 --> 01:08:58.000


And and it's funny because I don't know if you have the same experience, but when you and you know how people say you outgrow people you outgrow tables and you outgrow people.01:08:58.319 --> 01:09:06.560


And I think it when you get to that point and you realize and you really feel that, is when you start to outgrow people that don't don't have that.01:09:06.960 --> 01:09:16.560


And you and for me, it got to a point where I look now at people that don't have that, and I almost feel like not sorry, but I'm like, I want to help them.01:09:16.720 --> 01:09:18.479


I want to help you change your life, right?01:09:18.640 --> 01:09:23.520


I want to help you attain that because it's such a good place to be at, right?01:09:23.680 --> 01:09:25.760


Yes, mentally and in every way.01:09:26.319 --> 01:09:32.000


Um, and so that's that's really the purpose of everything that I'm doing, is really to like inspire and help and impact.01:09:32.079 --> 01:09:35.840


And I and I think it just gives you such a different fulfillment.01:09:36.159 --> 01:09:40.880


And your goal is not anymore about money, it's not anymore about having materialistic things.01:09:40.960 --> 01:09:44.560


It's like, how do I change lives and how do I impact in that way?01:09:44.960 --> 01:09:46.560


Because you're speaking now, right?01:09:46.720 --> 01:09:51.439


And your podcast and your book, and that's and I know you have your is it called your awakened program.01:09:51.760 --> 01:09:52.079


Awaken.01:09:52.239 --> 01:10:03.600


So I have awakened coaching program, um, which basically it's it's it's geared towards you know, women and men, but a lot, a lot of them are are women that reach out to me and go, like, how are you so confident now?01:10:03.760 --> 01:10:04.960


How is your life like this?01:10:05.119 --> 01:10:06.479


How are you in so fit?01:10:06.640 --> 01:10:07.840


How are you running a practice?01:10:08.239 --> 01:10:11.119


And I really started giving so much advice.01:10:11.199 --> 01:10:15.840


I would spend an hour at night just like returning DMs, leaving voice notes and all that stuff.01:10:15.920 --> 01:10:19.279


And I realized I'm like, why don't I actually start a coaching program?01:10:19.359 --> 01:10:20.319


Because I've gone through that.01:10:20.479 --> 01:10:28.079


I've gone I've gone through so much in my life from childhood to now, to a mom, to being a dentist, to running a practice.01:10:28.159 --> 01:10:30.000


And even to this day, I'm still learning.01:10:30.239 --> 01:10:37.119


But it was really such a transformation journey that I went through that I really want people to learn how to get to that point.01:10:37.439 --> 01:10:39.359


And so that's where Awaken started.01:10:39.439 --> 01:10:43.199


And the reason I called it awaken is because really for me it was an awakening.01:10:43.520 --> 01:11:00.399


I was living in such a you know, fight or flight mode and fear and a rush to just get to the place I want to get to, as opposed to like taking the time and like enjoying the journey, enjoying and you're what you don't want people to hit almost where they get a heart attack.01:11:00.560 --> 01:11:02.560


Oh, you know, you don't want them to reach that point.01:11:03.119 --> 01:11:03.760


And it's too late.01:11:03.920 --> 01:11:21.439


And I always say, and you know, like now when I'm talking to people, I say, listen, you have the most you know, the richest people, the billionaires, the millionaires that are making so much money and they have the company and they have everything, but deep down inside, probably 90% of them are unhappy.01:11:21.840 --> 01:11:27.840


And it's because there's no balance between your personal life and your your business life, right?01:11:28.399 --> 01:11:38.720


So there has to be, you know, if if you're up here in your business and you're down here in your family life and your personal life, it it just this is not gonna make you happy.01:11:39.199 --> 01:11:42.960


And if your business is here and your personal life is here, you're not gonna be happy.01:11:43.119 --> 01:11:44.720


They both have to be on the same level.01:11:45.199 --> 01:11:52.560


So you have to have, you know, uh you have to be great at what you're doing and you have to have a thriving business, but you also have to make sure that your home is.01:11:52.880 --> 01:11:54.000


You're not gonna lose your family over it.01:11:55.199 --> 01:11:58.079


And you're personally you're happy and and all of that stuff.01:11:58.159 --> 01:11:59.439


So I think it just comes in hand.01:11:59.520 --> 01:12:00.720


And and how do we attain that?01:12:00.800 --> 01:12:01.840


How do we get to that point?01:12:02.239 --> 01:12:26.000


It's it's constant work, it's constant growth, it's constant pushing forward, and it's really it's it's the ability to like realize what is your purpose, what is your journey, and enjoy that journey and enjoy the road along the way because you might wake up sudden someday at like 60 or 55 or and like have a stroke and a heart attack, and and it's all gone for nothing, and you haven't done anything.01:12:26.079 --> 01:12:27.359


All that hard work is just gone.01:12:27.520 --> 01:12:28.079


That's so true.01:12:28.159 --> 01:12:30.560


I know so many dentists are like, okay, I'm kind of done.01:12:30.720 --> 01:12:31.279


They feel stuck.01:12:31.359 --> 01:12:32.479


They're like, Well, I can't wait.01:12:32.560 --> 01:12:33.920


I've got 10 more years to retirement.01:12:34.079 --> 01:12:34.319


Exactly.01:12:34.479 --> 01:12:34.960


I was like, What?01:12:35.039 --> 01:12:35.920


You're gonna live 10 years.01:12:36.800 --> 01:12:37.439


Yes, it is.01:12:37.680 --> 01:12:38.159


It's terrible.01:12:38.319 --> 01:12:43.680


Or sometimes the people that say, I can't wait till I turn 65, retire and go travel the world.01:12:43.840 --> 01:12:48.880


No, because at 65, you might have a heart disease, you might have high blood pressure, diabetes.01:12:48.960 --> 01:12:52.239


Like, go enjoy because you've been living unhappy and that's gonna affect you.01:12:52.399 --> 01:12:57.680


You're suppressing all these emotions that's gonna show up in chronic illness, exactly, you know, or any other numbing.01:12:58.239 --> 01:12:59.199


100%, right?01:12:59.279 --> 01:13:09.760


So it really is, and at the end of the day, I mean, at the end of the day, it all comes down to really having gratitude and really realizing how short life is.01:13:09.920 --> 01:13:11.279


Because I think most people don't realize that.01:13:11.359 --> 01:13:18.880


Most people think we have forever, we have so much time, and we're here on earth, you know, it is unlimited and our time is unlimited.01:13:18.960 --> 01:13:25.520


And it's it's when you really look at the days and the times and the minutes and the hours that you have, it's very short.01:13:25.680 --> 01:13:26.960


It's a it's a very short time.01:13:27.279 --> 01:13:31.119


You probably have that perspective more than anyone because you probably live day by day.01:13:31.199 --> 01:13:32.239


Oh, I made it another day.01:13:32.399 --> 01:13:36.720


Yeah, you know, growing up where the bombs, okay, I made it one more day.01:13:36.880 --> 01:13:38.560


Exactly and be grateful for that day.01:13:38.800 --> 01:13:39.199


Exactly.01:13:39.359 --> 01:13:50.640


Because I think I've seen how life can be taken away from you and so fast that I have such um, you know, I appreciation for life.01:13:50.800 --> 01:13:52.880


Like I appreciate that my lungs work.01:13:53.039 --> 01:13:56.079


Like when I'm running, I'm I'm always going, thank you, God, for my lungs.01:13:56.239 --> 01:13:57.920


Like, thank you for people are like, Why do you run?01:13:58.079 --> 01:13:58.640


All your legs hurt.01:13:58.720 --> 01:13:59.600


I'm like, thank you for my line.01:13:59.760 --> 01:14:00.880


I was just hiking this morning.01:14:00.960 --> 01:14:02.720


I'm like, thank you that I can do this.01:14:03.199 --> 01:14:04.880


Yeah, thankful that I could do this.01:14:05.119 --> 01:14:07.600


Um, and and it changes so much too.01:14:07.760 --> 01:14:11.199


I mean, I used to go to work and go, oh my God, I have to drill another crown today.01:14:11.359 --> 01:14:15.199


And now I go to work and I go, these hands are drilling at changing lives.01:14:15.359 --> 01:14:18.079


Like, I'm so how powerful is that?01:14:18.239 --> 01:14:23.119


How amazing is that that I could do what I do and I could help people and change their lives through their smiles.01:14:23.279 --> 01:14:24.640


Yeah, creating beautiful smiles.01:14:24.880 --> 01:14:27.039


Like that shapes somebody's confidence.01:14:27.439 --> 01:14:29.680


And so your mindset changes everything you do.01:14:29.840 --> 01:14:31.520


Sometimes your life doesn't change.01:14:31.600 --> 01:14:33.199


Like for me, my life hasn't changed.01:14:33.279 --> 01:14:38.399


I'm still traveling a lot, I'm still a mom, I'm still a wife, I'm still working a lot.01:14:38.560 --> 01:14:43.840


It's really like mindset and the little things that I have changed that have impacted my life.01:14:44.000 --> 01:14:47.920


Um, and so yeah, it's all just a beautiful practice, positivity.01:14:48.239 --> 01:14:51.600


Yes, and all those things are free, right?01:14:52.079 --> 01:14:58.239


Everything I always say, I always say sun is free, you know, outdoors are free, working out.01:14:58.319 --> 01:15:00.079


You don't need to have a membership at the gym.01:15:00.159 --> 01:15:05.439


You can, you know, lace up your shoe and go outside, go for hikes, for runs, for and all that stuff.01:15:05.600 --> 01:15:09.279


I mean, a cup of coffee in the morning, sitting and watching the sunrise is free.01:15:09.680 --> 01:15:12.000


The little things praying is free, meditating is free.01:15:12.159 --> 01:15:13.199


Yeah, sitting in gratitude.01:15:13.359 --> 01:15:14.319


Like you said, gratitude.01:15:14.960 --> 01:15:21.039


Yeah, it's it's and I think people really associate happiness with so much, so much materialistic things.01:15:21.199 --> 01:15:24.239


And and I'm not gonna, and I'm not gonna minimize that.01:15:24.399 --> 01:15:25.199


I love nice things.01:15:25.279 --> 01:15:29.600


I mean, I'm always dressed up and I, you know, I'm into brands and I I love having the nice color.01:15:30.000 --> 01:15:30.640


I love it too.01:15:30.720 --> 01:15:31.199


I love it too.01:15:31.279 --> 01:15:32.000


And and I humped it.01:15:32.159 --> 01:15:33.439


But there's no shame in that too.01:15:33.680 --> 01:15:34.319


No shame in those.01:15:34.560 --> 01:15:43.119


So I don't want to minimize that as to because you know, obviously, I, you know, I I like dressing up and I'm always overdressed everywhere I go and all that.01:15:43.279 --> 01:15:44.560


But I love that.01:15:44.720 --> 01:15:46.159


My my grandma was like that too.01:15:46.640 --> 01:15:46.960


100%.01:15:47.359 --> 01:15:48.800


But that brings me joy though.01:15:48.960 --> 01:15:54.960


That brings me joy in a way that when I look good and feel good, I I I do better, I perform better.01:15:55.199 --> 01:15:58.640


And so, you know, I don't want people to think, oh, don't go after the big house.01:15:58.720 --> 01:16:14.800


So no, go after what you want, have those big dreams and achieve them, but really enjoy the road along the way and enjoy the journey because it's it's at the end of the day, when you get there and you've been miserable all along the way, it the when you get to that goal, it it's it won't be fulfilling.01:16:14.880 --> 01:16:16.479


Yes, it's not gonna mean anything.01:16:16.640 --> 01:16:17.279


That's so true.01:16:17.600 --> 01:16:19.199


That's really where the joy is.01:16:19.279 --> 01:16:22.159


It's just in the journey and and and the road.01:16:22.479 --> 01:16:23.199


I love that.01:16:23.359 --> 01:16:24.079


I love all that.01:16:24.239 --> 01:16:29.600


I mean, I feel I relate so much in all your practices, and it's affected my life tremendously as well.01:16:29.920 --> 01:16:31.039


Living is so much joy.01:16:31.199 --> 01:16:32.640


So, how can people find you?01:16:32.960 --> 01:16:33.600


Oh my gosh.01:16:33.680 --> 01:16:36.960


Um, well, I'm on Instagram as the real OC dentist.01:16:37.279 --> 01:16:42.079


Um, my smile diaries also I have Instagram for the Smile Diaries podcast.01:16:42.479 --> 01:16:44.960


And um my uh website is Dr.01:16:45.119 --> 01:16:45.840


Gita Harb.01:16:46.000 --> 01:16:50.000


So it's the D R G U I T T A Harb H A R B dot com.01:16:50.239 --> 01:16:51.520


And you have your practice in Orange County.01:16:51.680 --> 01:16:59.760


And then my practice is in Orange County, Santa Lisa Viejo, and um yeah, it's Gita Harb DMD, so they can just look that up and they'll find it.01:16:59.840 --> 01:17:00.000


Yeah.01:17:00.319 --> 01:17:00.640


Wonderful.01:17:00.720 --> 01:17:03.680


Well, it's been a true honor that you flew all the way up here.01:17:04.159 --> 01:17:05.359


Happy to be here in person.01:17:05.600 --> 01:17:06.800


Yeah, same here.01:17:07.039 --> 01:17:09.359


And and I'll be looking forward to going to Newport.01:17:11.600 --> 01:17:15.359


And I'm so happy we connected and you're such a bright light as well.01:17:15.680 --> 01:17:15.840


Thank you.01:17:16.000 --> 01:17:16.239


Thank you.01:17:16.319 --> 01:17:19.760


Well, I can't wait to read your book and I'll share it and put it in the show notes when it comes out.01:17:20.079 --> 01:17:20.479


Appreciate you.01:17:20.560 --> 01:17:20.720


Yeah.01:17:20.880 --> 01:17:21.680


So thank you so much.01:17:21.920 --> 01:17:22.560


Same here.01:17:22.640 --> 01:17:23.680


Thank you so much for having me.01:17:24.079 --> 01:17:24.560


My pleasure.