EP 27: Understanding Why Men Hide Their Feelings

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Welcome back to Not Alone.

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I'm your host, melissa Sue Methvin.

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Today I have a very special guest that has been waking up people for over 20 years, literally.

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You know him as Good Morning Arizona, good Morning San Diego and now as the Emmy Award winning host of Arizona Daily Mix.

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But beyond the TV lights and the good morning energy, brad Perry has a deeper story.

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He is a father, a creator and also a big voice for men's mental health.

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He often talks about things that men want to keep in the shadows.

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So welcome today, brad Perry.

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Wow, it's such an honor.

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Well, thank you.

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When I hear all that, I'm like, wow, I've done a lot, that's you.

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Yeah, you have.

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That's interesting.

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You have to say thank you, right, yeah, I've done a lot.

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That's you, yeah, you have.

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You have to say thank you.

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Right, and I also have to say thank you because about a year ago I reached out to you on social media and just on a whim, I thought, hey, it's Suicide Awareness Month in September and I'd love the opportunity to be on Arizona Daily Mix to share my book, my voice, my message of hope and light.

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And you said I'd love to hear your story, let's meet.

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And we met at Reconnect, because that's where you go as well for cold plunging and red light therapy.

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And we met there and you said, okay, let's hear your story.

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And I shared mine and you gave me the first opportunity to be on TV.

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Did I, you did.

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You're great, you mine, and you gave me the first opportunity to be on tv.

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Oh, did I?

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You did the very first.

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Well, I know I was very, very nervous, did a lot of breath, work that day, but I think your demeanor, you know you made me feel very at ease, even though there was tons of cameras.

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You know the directors and all that.

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But you gave me that other platform and I don't think you know that had a ripple effect.

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Oh, my goodness.

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Because then I was asked on podcast.

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You know it was just like, wow, okay, she's really getting out there.

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So I just have to say thank you, you're welcome.

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Well, you know your story is amazing, but what's more amazing is that you're telling it and not keeping it in the shadows.

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I think that's what really drew me to the whole story that you've been telling people and sharing.

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I think that's important and that's why I love what you're doing here is having people come out of the shadows, which is definitely important, especially when it comes to mental health, and not just mental health, people's personal health, you know, if it's physical, whatever it is.

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I think you know your story captures where you've overcome it and by sharing, yeah, by sharing.

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Well, I just knew, by keeping it all in and suppressing, which I talk a lot in my book, did show up for me as chronic illness and for my husband who died by suicide.

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So why do you think men have such a hard time talking about their emotions?

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Because we have been put on pedestals.

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We have been this whole gladiator, this whole white, you know horse knight guy, riding in and saving the world when we're not capable of it.

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We're really not.

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We're capable of loving, we're capable of caring that people don't realize and our main thing is that we're pretty much a baby.

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Yes, that's the way you're going to say it, but I think the reason why men don't share is because we don't, as men, know how to share without being made fun of or being considered weak, which is stopping, which is now not the case anymore.

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People are stopping that stigma about men not talking.

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It's now more important to talk about it.

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But where do you find that from?

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Maybe not inside your group, or maybe not the person you thought you could.

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Yeah, that's so true.

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I have found that as well with my relationships, my friends.

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Actually, even in the midst of the hardest time in my life in Wasilla, alaska, I remember I'd start to start talking about what might be going on at home, even though I was kind of scared.

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It was just the tipping point.

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It wasn't received.

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It's like they didn't want to see also that side of my husband.

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So it's like, well, he's doing okay because he was able to mask it so well behind that smile, so they didn't think that really so much was going on, right, well, I think also it is where um what you're going through, so what else is going through and it scares them yes that's the thing.

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Yes I thought it was a mirror.

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Yeah, yeah, it's really the other person.

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So when you start explaining something to them that's going on in your life, it makes them think about what's happening in theirs, yes, and then they get scared I saw that they want to shut down or they want to ignore it, or they want to make jokes about it or or make you seem like you're the crazy one.

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Yes, instead of embracing, going wait, this is great I I found someone who else is having the problems I'm having.

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I'm finding someone who wants to talk about their marriage and how it's not.

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You know this beautiful instagram picture, um, and I think that's with men.

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Now, I think you know I started the, the podcast things men don't talk about.

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Um, for that reason, it really started because of a health reason, and I think more men, if they start talking about each other with health, they would live longer, um, you know, and they would deal much better from dealing with their you know physical health to their mental health.

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So you, as a younger child, did you ever feel comfortable to express your emotions like would you cry very easily, or in front of people, or even in front?

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of your wife.

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I would cry, you know.

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And then you know, you get made fun of and stuff.

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I mean I was a middle child, kind of Back in our days, you know.

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It was where you just, you know, you fell, you grab some dirt, some spit rubbed on it and you moved on.

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You know, and I think that was also the thing when you were having these feelings or being upset.

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But I was very lucky that I had parents that were supportive in a lot of different ways, so I think that was the main thing.

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So they were very not like wanting me to be on their agenda.

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They wanted me to be on my agenda and supported me that way.

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I think that was something very important.

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Really good.

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And so now, as far as you being able to release these emotions, like, was that hard being on TV all these years?

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Because you had to?

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You know, good morning Arizona.

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You always have to be chipper and probably at times, especially at times of your divorce, that was probably really hard to show up and put on a smile.

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It was, it's still each time.

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I mean, I still, you know, everybody has days, but when you're on TV and people rely upon you to be that smiling face, it's kind of hard and they blow it off like you have no problems or anything.

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But we all have problems.

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I mean, I'm a parent, I'm, you know, I'm a co-worker and I have friends and stuff, so I'm almost like everybody else.

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I think that's the part that people kind of like forget about when it comes to seeing their, you know, favorite person on TV, or seeing someone on TV or even now on Instagram.

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You know, I mean, no one wants to see the sad.

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Yeah true, which we need to show.

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Yeah, we need to show.

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Yeah, I've had to learn that, even because I had learned from a very young age.

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Learn that even because I had learned from a very young age, like when I cried was really uncomfortable, especially for for my father because he missed me so much.

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You know, we had moved from Quebec City I was six years old to British Columbia and I'd only see him maybe twice a year, so I think that was so hard.

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Every time we said goodbyes and every time I cry he, he said stop crying yeah you know, because that was too hard for him, it was so painful.

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So then I just learned that's too uncomfortable for people yeah, well, I'm gonna go.

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I'm gonna say, as a father, it's not painful of seeing you crying, it's where I don't know what to do oh yeah that's what it was.

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It's.

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It's not a pain, it's just like.

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What do I do?

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Because I, I want to cry too, so if I cry, we're both sitting here crying, and that's going to get her sadder, that's going to.

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So I need to be the strong one here, um, and that's the, that's the thing that I think.

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Again, give us guys credit that we're not always hurting, but we're always trying to fix, and that's our, our biggest problem.

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But this is you bring up a good point, actually, because you mentioned as a father.

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You're just like, oh, I need to be strong, I need to do this, and I feel like dads feel like they need to stay in the masculine yes, right yeah, and especially I saw this a lot with my late husband in how he treated sophia and then matthias.

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He was so much harder on matthias, on the boy, than he was with his daughter.

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And I see that with other friends' kids like their dad and I think fathers feel like I need to be strong, I need to show my son how to be strong and be masculine.

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But I feel as a dad, especially for the dad-son connection, even for me, a daughter, we need just more nurture and love, and this in a softness almost as I looked at being a father and and started to pay attention a little bit.

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Our job is to discipline, is to keep him on the straight path, not make him masculine, not make him in the strong person, just keep him disciplined, knowing the rights and wrong.

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Let him have his own path of whatever they're going to go.

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I think more men are afraid that if my son is not showing a masculine side, he's going to be labeled gay or he is gay.

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Not the case at all.

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That's just something that you let the path take it.

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But you're right.

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I think more men are trying to be stronger and trying to show their self, and it hurts more yeah, it hurts more if you are not able to do what you're supposed to do, and that is go cry, guys.

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Go cry.

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Go cry in the shower, you know.

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Have that good cry, you know.

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And because it releases crying releases a stress um yeah, uh, trying to the word I'm looking for, but just like.

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It opens up, and then you just feel so much better.

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Stress hormones is what I was trying to say.

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Yeah, Because we can't, we can't fix everything, we really can't.

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And I've tried, over and over, each day I've tried to, but then I've just stopped myself, stopped myself and say, no, I'm not going to, I can't, I got to go forward, stop myself, stop myself and say, no, I'm not going to, I can't, I got to go forward.

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You know and then I know you've always shared that you had to take some time to get to know you, to observe kind of like who you are, and sit in that and was that before?

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your divorce or the divorce kind of trigger that, or you know actually what triggered it was my son, my kids, my daughter is the one who really triggered it, where my son came to live with me, you know, and I was just, you know, being dad in a way and stuff and being a guy.

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How old was your son at that point?

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He came to me at 14, 14, yeah, freshman year of high school to live with me and it was the best thing, actually anything my ex-wife could ever do for me.

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I'm so glad because it did make me grow up.

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But, um, my daughter just kind of like was talking to my son and he's like god, I wish dad would just get his act together kind of on different things.

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You know he's dating around doing this because what was going on in your life then that he thinks that you were.

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Well, I mean, I was I was, you know, partying.

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I was seeing people.

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I mean, I was a single guy yeah, you know, and it was just kind of like it, just where he was, like I just wish things would just get together and I wasn't.

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I was just on this you know destructful kind of you know path and um, she's the one handing me a book um called you're a badass.

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That was the book she gave me you're a badass and I started reading from there and then just start reading books from there.

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I just started reading books and starting to learn more and then started to see where I was going and actually it's kind of funny I did during my divorce.

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I went to see a therapist and of course all guys think what do I?

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need a therapist.

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For they're, they're nothing.

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Oh well, they're.

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They're gonna take your side, they're not gonna take my side so yeah, I've heard that before.

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Yeah and so I went to a therapist and they hand me a book and it was it's called kings, warriors, magicians and lovers and it is what men are and that really, and it's so funny when I first got it I was like, okay, whatever.

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And then I went back and read it and I was 40.

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Was I 50?

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Oh, was I maybe 40 something?

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When I read it again.

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The first time I got it I was in my.

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I was in my early 40s, my late 40s, I think.

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I got.

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I can't remember when I went back to look at it again and then I started to figure out where I am and on that path and why it's so important to cry, to love, um, knowing what we are and again, talking to other guys about it and helping out.

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That's the thing.

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It's where we've got to go back and rediscover.

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It's the best aha moment.

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Isn't it?

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It's the best aha moment I mean when you sit down and read a book and it is a self-help book that you read.

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You see yourself and then you see where you want to be in life and what you want.

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And my main thing is, I use the example of my father.

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When he passed away, my father was a minister and a mortician in Battle Creek, michigan.

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He gave a lot and we didn't know how much he gave until that day, until the streets of Battle Creek were lined with people.

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The police department, all came out.

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We're standing saluting him as the first went by.

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There's people that came up and gave us money and going your dad like didn't charge me for my mother's funeral because we didn't have the money at the time.

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Or you know, my son passed.

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It was just a whole thing and I said that's what I want to be left with.

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I want to be left with positive.

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I don't want to be left with he was a jerk to his ex-wife or he was a bad dad or he was anything like that, or friends and stuff.

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And I think that's when you start reading those books and you start seeing what legacy you want to leave behind.

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It's not about money, it's not about cars, you know?

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No, we can't take those with you anyways right, I love that you did that, because I did the same thing after my husband.

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I read books and books and podcasts and podcasts and I saw a common thread of what people were doing.

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I'm like, ok, I need to implement these things.

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You know, the morning meditations, the prayers, you know my faith just grew and grew, you know.

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Yeah, and also knowing that what goes on in your life, you're in control of it and you can't control someone else's life and what they do and what goes on.

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And then also the part that I love is, you know is is living in the moment and not the future of the past.

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You know it's like leave the past behind and you can just do better the next day, or even do better at that moment, and then the next day comes.

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But I think that's the thing you start seeing all the stuff of what's going on and it helps.

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Yeah, with seeing your patterns, you're like, oh, okay, I do do that and then, so at least you can recognize them.

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When your, your thoughts are spiraling again and the old patterns, you're like, okay, I recognize, and why am I doing this?

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Now?

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Okay, how can I avoid it or exchange it with different thoughts?

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Right, so just kind of getting to know yourself is number one, I think, with any healing, and if you want more peace, more love, you've got to really connect and get to know you, and the best way you could you can really find yourself is going and sitting alone.

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which people?

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Some?

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I mean there's a lot of people.

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I know, oh, I know a lot of friends.

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I can't A lot of guys.

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They think they can.

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A lot of guys they think they can.

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They think I'm just going to sit.

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But if you go, I mean and just sit for yourself, for I give you five minutes of just no thought, not worrying about golfing or where you're going to be or anything like that you start to discover more about yourself and what you need and don't need.

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And that's so hard for people because they'll need, like either, a football game in the background.

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They'll need something and do something, you know, and those distractions in the background.

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They'll need something and do something, you know, and those distractions.

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And that's why I love breath work so much, because it's that you know, I do it every day, every morning, you know, even just a couple minutes, but yeah, just sitting in that stillness and actually when I moved here that's, I kept on saying I need more space, I need space.

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And I really me growing up mostly an only child.

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I am, you know, always been kind of comfortable.

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I've been very high, so independent to in a way, so I'm always been okay being alone, but I could see it with so many that would be really uncomfortable to take that time to really heal and not so much isolate yourself, you know, but just just taking a moment, and I think, with guys, we need to do that and we need to, we need to speak up in a certain way and we need to explain to our partner, our, you know, our spouse, whoever it is, what you need and why you need it.

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I think that's where, guys, this is not communication Cause so many wives that I know, they say their husband just go super silent, you know, in that they just don't know how to communicate in in not maybe a defensive way, you know yeah, well, that's the thing it's.

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So they do the defensive way because they don't want to show that softer side yes, yeah so the softer side is is easily, you know what, I need to go golfing with the guys because it's been a rough day at work.

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I don't know how.

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You know the bills are going to get paid this month or whatever.

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I mean, I think that's we don't want to worry our partner and I think that's also where our partner needs to understand like, okay, he's here, we're here as a partnership.

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It's not one person has to worry about the bills.

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We both need to.

00:17:35.510 --> 00:17:38.440
So we both need to look at it and I think we're also guys are worried that if I tell you will she go away, will she leave me?

00:17:38.460 --> 00:17:42.753
because she doesn't think I'm I'm worthy enough and so, and that's why the provider and yeah, yeah put a lot of worth about that instead.

00:17:42.753 --> 00:17:52.442
But you're so right, communication is key yeah because how many times you it might be the little things you sleep under the rug because you're like I don't feel like causing any conflict, but those things kind of add up.

00:17:52.442 --> 00:17:53.614
And then what happens?

00:17:53.614 --> 00:17:54.857
Resentment right.

00:17:54.877 --> 00:18:04.694
Yeah, and I think once you start having communication, then your partner or spouse will start to understand that when you are talking to them it's not being mean.

00:18:04.694 --> 00:18:13.877
So, for instance, I mean if a guy right now goes you know, wow think I like the dress, but I don't like the heels, oh, you don't like me, or anything like that.

00:18:13.877 --> 00:18:16.498
No, no, I just said, I just didn't like the heels.

00:18:16.498 --> 00:18:18.096
It doesn't do it for me.

00:18:18.096 --> 00:18:18.478
Yeah.

00:18:18.809 --> 00:18:24.496
You know, and I think that's where you have to say no, listen, I think you're beautiful, I think you're great, I want to see you in those sexy shoes.

00:18:24.496 --> 00:18:32.536
Like you know, in in the low verse, you know kind of thing.

00:18:32.536 --> 00:18:35.289
Oh okay, you know, I think that's where you explain that not just I don't like those shoes, it's like, well, why don't you like them?

00:18:35.289 --> 00:18:36.756
Well, they don't, they don't turn me on.

00:18:36.756 --> 00:18:38.201
Perfect, that teller.

00:18:38.201 --> 00:18:38.582
You know?

00:18:39.224 --> 00:18:47.813
yeah, that's it, yeah, knowing what's to how to communicate and be open and safe and not be defensive like, just be open you know and constantly have check-ins.

00:18:47.853 --> 00:19:04.021
You know I've had other guests on, guests on and they've been married for you know, since they were together since middle school and it's been like 30 years, and they'll have check-ins, if not definitely weekly, but just communicating in the space because you get in the busyness of having kids.

00:19:04.021 --> 00:19:11.258
You know one thing actually I love your input because one thing I notice as well you know, I was with my husband.

00:19:11.258 --> 00:19:13.759
We were together for eight years before we had kids.

00:19:13.759 --> 00:19:28.920
You know we traveled, we played, we did a lot of things that we love, and then we had kids later on, and in the two weeks I had Sophia then it almost seemed like my husband went into this like depression.

00:19:28.920 --> 00:19:36.446
My husband went into this like depression and his he was tying shoe and it was laid out for almost six weeks and couldn't work.

00:19:36.446 --> 00:19:48.923
And I feel that men oftentimes go into a bit of a depression, that the attention is now swapped to this other little being Not depression, jealousy.

00:19:49.223 --> 00:19:49.704
Jealousy.

00:19:49.704 --> 00:19:51.895
Yes, I know I was kind of avoiding it.

00:19:51.895 --> 00:19:53.874
Yes, it's jealousy.

00:19:53.874 --> 00:19:56.262
We're babies, that's what they say we're the original.

00:19:56.303 --> 00:20:01.778
I know women are caretakers, yes, men are lovers and that's what we want back.

00:20:01.778 --> 00:20:02.480
That's the thing.

00:20:02.480 --> 00:20:03.541
Like, that's what I'm saying.

00:20:03.541 --> 00:20:07.539
Like you know, when we give you flowers, we're not giving you flowers to have flowers back.

00:20:07.539 --> 00:20:10.836
We're giving you flowers so we can see that love that you give off, that shining.

00:20:10.836 --> 00:20:19.340
But then when someone else especially when it comes to a child is giving you that shiny moment now that I can't give you, like the best moment yeah, you know.

00:20:19.361 --> 00:20:30.355
And then you're like oh well, I want, I want that feeling too, or why that kid is giving uh and resentful yes, yes, yeah, I saw, that I noticed that and so and so.

00:20:30.355 --> 00:20:47.298
That's why I always tell people you know, especially guys, you know when they have a child, you know this is what you're going to do is a month after you're going to make a date, you're going to call the babysitter or your mother and you're going to say listen, we're going out friday night.

00:20:47.337 --> 00:20:54.547
I like that you said a month because after a c-section you know, you're kind of like yeah, but also mom is still bonding and still there.

00:20:54.567 --> 00:21:08.757
But I, you know, I tell them I go, you make a date and it doesn't matter if it's McDonald's, and that's probably the best place to take her, because when it gets time for the kids you're going to be going to McDonald's a lot and you'll never enjoy it again because you'll never eat McDonald's again after the kids will all eat it up, you'll be done.

00:21:08.757 --> 00:21:16.334
So that's why I said go, you make the plans and that will bring that love back and the connection, the connection to them, and you try that once a month for what's going on.

00:21:16.354 --> 00:21:25.569
Then I tell them too, so you're not jealous, because the jealousy happens is that the mother and child have bonded for, you know, eight, nine months being in the womb.

00:21:25.569 --> 00:21:27.232
Yes, she, they hear the heartbeat.

00:21:27.232 --> 00:21:34.876
So what I've always said and someone told me you get the child and each day lay with them on your chest and let them hear your heartbeat.

00:21:34.876 --> 00:21:37.278
So, important to have that bonding.

00:21:37.430 --> 00:21:41.597
I know one nurse had told Scott to do that and he wasn't very comfortable to do that.

00:21:41.597 --> 00:21:44.653
I could tell that was really uncomfortable for him and she did that.

00:21:44.673 --> 00:21:46.855
Because he thought he was going to break the child.

00:21:46.855 --> 00:21:48.536
Yeah, listen, guys, you can't break the child.

00:21:48.536 --> 00:21:49.917
To be honest, you can't break the child.

00:21:49.917 --> 00:21:51.239
Loving the child, to be honest, you can't.

00:21:51.239 --> 00:21:54.422
I'm sorry, just get that right, listen.

00:21:54.422 --> 00:21:57.183
My kids have fallen a lot of times, so you're okay.

00:21:57.785 --> 00:22:00.146
That's so true, I think they get uncomfortable, they don't know what to do.

00:22:00.146 --> 00:22:09.954
It's this little thing and they're me.

00:22:09.954 --> 00:22:15.078
It was just so instinctual, it just really came, you know but, but I, I, I could see.

00:22:15.078 --> 00:22:19.761
I love that advice about the date, because I think that's where we lagged.

00:22:19.761 --> 00:22:31.332
We just kind of put it off over this and he was tired from work too, you know, and we kind of forget, but you know, and of course, for men, a lot of it is physical.

00:22:31.352 --> 00:22:32.194
You know physical attention and whatnot.

00:22:32.194 --> 00:22:36.055
But for both of us, for the husband and wife to even want to be physical, there needs to be connection.

00:22:36.174 --> 00:22:36.778
Right, right.

00:22:36.798 --> 00:22:37.159
That's it.

00:22:38.031 --> 00:22:39.597
And your kids will be okay.

00:22:39.597 --> 00:22:43.097
One thing have you ever read You're a Badass.

00:22:43.097 --> 00:22:43.318
Yet.

00:22:43.680 --> 00:22:44.342
No, I have not.

00:22:44.450 --> 00:22:52.583
You've got to get it because there's a section that I love is that the child will go out of the room, will walk out of the room.

00:22:52.583 --> 00:22:54.244
Who's first to call?

00:22:54.244 --> 00:22:55.412
You are the child.

00:22:55.412 --> 00:22:58.460
You are Not the child.

00:22:58.460 --> 00:23:02.771
The child's exploring, but you're afraid of not having that child there.

00:23:02.771 --> 00:23:05.324
You got to let them go, but we don't want to.

00:23:05.324 --> 00:23:06.126
Where are they?

00:23:06.126 --> 00:23:22.076
They're going to be okay as long as you keep them in the room and you understand, you can get up and check on them, but as soon as they move around, you're the first one get up and go see where they went, because they're exploring and so true, yeah, yeah, because it's like the mom, exactly like, oh, what are they doing?

00:23:22.115 --> 00:23:24.909
and just just be present and it's okay and let them go.

00:23:24.909 --> 00:23:26.933
Because how many times did I feel guilty?

00:23:26.933 --> 00:23:35.700
Actually, even I had, uh, matea, so close together that we're 18 months apart and I even felt guilty to put Sophia in daycare.

00:23:35.700 --> 00:23:44.818
But ultimately, that would have been so good to have a bit more space and a little down and a little chaotic, you know, and because then, yeah, you do feel bad.

00:23:44.890 --> 00:23:49.058
There's like the mom, guilt or whatever you know, don't feel I mean, you know it's kind of interesting.

00:23:49.058 --> 00:23:56.490
You look at the, you know age, as I am, and these younger kids and different things, and you know you got to really think who's doing better?

00:23:56.490 --> 00:24:01.500
And me being a latchkey kid, doing a lot better than some of these kids.

00:24:01.500 --> 00:24:04.414
Oh yeah, because I moved out of the house, I'm doing things and stuff like that.

00:24:05.178 --> 00:24:08.037
Absolutely, I was kind of raised that way too, but gonna raise that way too.

00:24:08.057 --> 00:24:13.862
you know, I had to learn and that's the thing, and I think that's with guys, and that's what I think is talking and making sure, and that's what's important.

00:24:13.862 --> 00:24:18.486
Um, and that's why I love talking to guys about divorce.

00:24:18.486 --> 00:24:19.946
You know, that is something.

00:24:19.967 --> 00:24:30.480
Yes, I know yeah, I remember you mentioned that, that you were kind of coaching a lot of men because if you share, how you handled your divorce was very amicable and uh, it didn't Like.

00:24:30.480 --> 00:24:31.261
I have some friends.

00:24:31.261 --> 00:24:32.084
That's still going on.

00:24:32.084 --> 00:24:33.656
It's been five years, you know.

00:24:33.730 --> 00:24:38.594
And I don't know why, but I mean, yes, I have amazing.

00:24:38.594 --> 00:24:40.579
Ann is her name.

00:24:40.579 --> 00:24:44.228
I don't like calling her my ex-wife because she's Ann, she's the mother of my children.

00:24:44.248 --> 00:24:44.650
I like that.

00:24:44.670 --> 00:24:52.252
And she always will be, you know, and I always love her, and that's one thing that was always have the respect which I love you know, and there's nothing I can't change.

00:24:52.292 --> 00:24:54.159
I cannot change her being the mother of my children.

00:24:54.159 --> 00:25:05.832
I can love her and making sure mom's okay, kids are okay, I'm okay, that's the way it needs to go, and then whatever relationship I go forward with is going to be okay, because all this is taken care of.

00:25:05.832 --> 00:25:12.796
And so what I do is I talk to them about, you know, divorcing, and I use the example of us.

00:25:12.796 --> 00:25:17.117
We didn't get a lawyer, we sat down and we just said, hey, listen, we have two ways we can do this.

00:25:17.117 --> 00:25:27.583
We can stay together with the kids and hate each other and be miserable and have a miserable house and kids can feel that and the kids can feel it and see it, or we can sit here and get divorced.

00:25:27.623 --> 00:25:27.962
It's not.

00:25:27.962 --> 00:25:30.884
You know, I love you, but we're not in that love anymore.

00:25:31.064 --> 00:25:32.744
You know that I need and you need.

00:25:32.744 --> 00:25:35.105
So we sat down Okay, yeah, let's divorce.

00:25:35.105 --> 00:25:39.708
So we sat down, we saw what we needed and the different things.

00:25:39.708 --> 00:25:55.875
And you know spousal support and child support are two big different things and I try to make guys understand that A spousal support is if your soon-to-be ex cannot work at all, cannot work at all.

00:25:55.875 --> 00:25:58.061
That's what spousal support's there for, you know.

00:25:58.061 --> 00:25:59.373
And there's different reasons why.

00:25:59.373 --> 00:26:07.957
Whatever Child support is to take care of your children, you should never deny that that is for your children and I always say so.

00:26:08.478 --> 00:26:12.330
You know, look at what needs to take care of the kids and that's what you're doing.

00:26:12.330 --> 00:26:14.255
You know it's.

00:26:14.255 --> 00:26:20.296
And so when she says I don't want child support, I mean she doesn't want support, great, but why child support?

00:26:20.296 --> 00:26:21.618
That's for your child.

00:26:21.618 --> 00:26:27.038
And so we sat down and we saw what we needed to make sure the kids were taken care of at both houses.

00:26:27.038 --> 00:26:28.401
We broke it down.

00:26:28.401 --> 00:26:29.855
This is what I need this house, great.

00:26:29.855 --> 00:26:31.911
Okay, we need to scale the houses down.

00:26:31.911 --> 00:26:35.619
It's just a house, um, and I sit and talk about you know when.

00:26:35.619 --> 00:26:56.471
So we went through all that and our biggest thing was is this that we didn't talk a little about each other in front of the kids or to anybody else, um, because that doesn't get you anywhere being so harmful, yeah, and so uncomfortable for the kids for the kids and trying to compete and stuff, um, and then I think our big one, I think, and so I'm, or I'm, all over the board with, but I'll jump to the best part.

00:26:56.490 --> 00:26:58.234
So we got all this situated and everything.

00:26:58.234 --> 00:27:04.624
We're at court and you know, and of course I say let your keep your friends out of your divorce.

00:27:04.624 --> 00:27:06.190
Oh my gosh right keep your friends out.

00:27:06.190 --> 00:27:07.230
You two talk about it.

00:27:07.250 --> 00:27:13.858
Don't let friends in, because friends are the ones that will tell you yeah, friends will say, oh no, you should fight a bit more for this or this more for that.

00:27:13.878 --> 00:27:15.619
Oh, you deserve this, or you deserve that.

00:27:15.619 --> 00:27:17.082
Oh, he was a jerk, so you should take this away.

00:27:17.321 --> 00:27:19.805
That happened to me with the litigation that I was like.

00:27:19.805 --> 00:27:21.467
Oh no, wendy, my husband passed.

00:27:31.309 --> 00:27:31.490
I am done.

00:27:31.490 --> 00:27:32.875
It's a hazard on yourself and so, okay, take it.

00:27:32.875 --> 00:27:33.457
What's you know, go ahead.

00:27:33.457 --> 00:27:35.343
If you want it, take it and it's I can rebuild, I can do again or something.

00:27:35.343 --> 00:27:37.108
It's not that important or the issue of it.

00:27:37.128 --> 00:27:49.980
So ours, we got to court, went through us and there was people were going, oh, they're not going to sign off on this, and actually people we went through because we did like divorce store or something at the time and they were like, oh, judge isn't going to go for this, this is, you know, you guys, you need more, you need this and that.

00:27:49.980 --> 00:27:54.406
So, um, and says, hey, do you want to come to court and do this?

00:27:54.406 --> 00:27:55.689
I go, do you want me there?

00:27:55.689 --> 00:27:57.457
She's like I don't think you need, I'll take care of it.

00:27:57.457 --> 00:27:58.099
I'm like, okay, great.

00:27:58.099 --> 00:28:00.611
So she goes down, judge, is looking through everything.

00:28:00.671 --> 00:28:10.939
And he's like, wait, he agreed still to continue to deposit the same amount of check into your account, which was more than it's like, yep, that's what we need to run the house for the kids.

00:28:10.939 --> 00:28:13.344
Okay, all right, great, okay, all right, um.

00:28:13.344 --> 00:28:16.809
And he goes, okay, so, all right, no, ill will to each other.

00:28:16.809 --> 00:28:17.913
Nope, that's okay.

00:28:17.913 --> 00:28:19.096
Oh, wow, this is wow.

00:28:19.096 --> 00:28:20.579
He's looking everything.

00:28:20.579 --> 00:28:38.593
And then he gets down to the part that I made a promise to their grandfather and I told him that I will make sure they stay and they're they're Catholic and so I'll make sure they continue their you know, catholic religion, faith and everything like that.

00:28:38.593 --> 00:28:53.057
So in the divorce it's where whoever, whichever parent has the child that weekend, must take them to church on Sunday, and so, and that's when he's like is this right?

00:28:53.057 --> 00:28:56.820
I'm like they're like and Zane's like, yeah, he's like, this is the best divorce paper.

00:28:56.820 --> 00:28:57.731
Can I get a copy of?

00:28:57.731 --> 00:28:59.496
This, that's the thing.

00:28:59.516 --> 00:29:09.121
We sat, we sat down and said what was important to us and what we wanted, and it wasn't a battle of one being right or one the other when it comes to the kids, and so I try to explain that to men.

00:29:09.121 --> 00:29:11.724
Is that what would you rather?

00:29:11.724 --> 00:29:14.490
Have your ex hurting than the kids are hurting?

00:29:14.490 --> 00:29:17.038
Because you know why are you using the kids as pawns?

00:29:17.269 --> 00:29:18.292
Yes, a lot of them.

00:29:18.292 --> 00:29:20.771
They're trying to do that so they can.

00:29:20.771 --> 00:29:22.376
Oh, the kids will love me more, or?

00:29:22.376 --> 00:29:30.393
This and that, and then also I see where, financially, I think for men, you know they put a lot of their worth in what they have.

00:29:30.413 --> 00:29:41.402
So for them to downsize or do anything that's like their identity, right, I'll tell you it's the best thing in the world I mean to downsize Any guy.

00:29:41.402 --> 00:29:52.136
I mean it's nice to have all that stuff and all the toys and everything, but once you can get rid of them and you sit there for a moment like I saved so much money, I can go on a trip I can't have.

00:29:52.136 --> 00:29:57.759
I'm not saying get rid of all your toys, but I mean you know your status is not those items, your status Decluttering.

00:29:57.759 --> 00:29:59.517
Anyways it feels so good, oh my gosh.

00:29:59.630 --> 00:30:02.020
When I moved from Alaska, I had the biggest estate sale.

00:30:02.020 --> 00:30:03.696
I sold everything.

00:30:03.696 --> 00:30:09.020
I showed up here July 23rd of 2022 with six suitcases, a dog and two kids.

00:30:09.261 --> 00:30:12.904
Oh my gosh, and that was just your suitcases, that was just you six suitcases.

00:30:12.904 --> 00:30:18.278
You just had the six, the kids had three, you know kids each had three had one or two, that's it.

00:30:18.278 --> 00:30:18.801
Yeah, You're.

00:30:18.801 --> 00:30:20.249
You had all the clothes and shoes and everything.

00:30:20.430 --> 00:30:21.151
Yeah, well, that too.

00:30:21.151 --> 00:30:22.772
Yes, I do like those.

00:30:23.173 --> 00:30:31.324
But no, I, I try to help both men and both men and women to have a smooth divorce and to see what is the end goal.

00:30:31.324 --> 00:30:38.922
And the end goal is to have kids that don't have a drinking drug problem, anything like that and that and and it.

00:30:38.922 --> 00:30:43.499
You know, sometimes it goes away, but it does come from us parents and and showing them.

00:30:43.499 --> 00:30:45.702
I mean, I, I love that.

00:30:45.702 --> 00:30:57.701
My, my kids are now 32 and 28 and they still get upset at the thing that we all go to dinner and sometimes my ex-wife, who's remarried, will bring her husband or whatever.

00:30:57.701 --> 00:30:59.452
We're all out together and they just kind of go.

00:30:59.452 --> 00:31:01.980
Why did you guys even get divorced?

00:31:03.230 --> 00:31:04.053
You're such good friends.

00:31:04.094 --> 00:31:05.538
Yeah, we're talking, you're doing things.

00:31:05.538 --> 00:31:06.651
And it was Literally.

00:31:06.651 --> 00:31:12.192
We were divorced for two years before anybody knew, because we would go to church together, you know.

00:31:12.192 --> 00:31:18.499
We would go to dinner together, we'd be at the ballpark, we'd be at the games, we'd be at the events, charity events, whatever we were doing for the kids.

00:31:18.499 --> 00:31:21.575
We were there sitting next to each other, cheering them on what?

00:31:21.615 --> 00:31:28.294
a great example for your kids right, I mean, I don't hear I don't know a lot of people that they can say a story like that.

00:31:28.334 --> 00:31:32.641
You know and that's important, I think, and more people can, like I said, that's what I'm trying to tell guys.

00:31:32.641 --> 00:31:34.903
It's like, what is your legacy?

00:31:34.903 --> 00:31:38.720
You want your kids to be your legacy of loving you and being there and knowing.

00:31:38.720 --> 00:31:44.821
And then, yes, you know it's okay to love your ex, you know it's okay to still love them.

00:31:44.821 --> 00:31:52.721
You know, and you're upset with yourself more because you love them and that's what you have to stop fighting and almost like there is a failure yeah right, right that's, and we think we failed.

00:31:53.221 --> 00:31:53.844
You didn't fail.

00:31:53.844 --> 00:32:04.490
You had two beautiful kids and now they're growing and being better because you are showing them how to have a relationship, a proper relationship, even with an ex, you know, yeah, that's and it's not a failure.

00:32:04.730 --> 00:32:05.952
Think of it, that's a lesson.

00:32:05.952 --> 00:32:10.101
And also you have to think okay, where was I when I met my significant other Exactly.

00:32:10.101 --> 00:32:11.743
Right, why did I choose this?

00:32:11.743 --> 00:32:15.950
And then maybe you grow yeah, you grow apart, right, yeah, and that's okay.

00:32:15.950 --> 00:32:22.218
And I think a lot of people just stick to like, well, I'm a failure, or you know the resentment, and they stay on to that.

00:32:22.218 --> 00:32:27.979
So do you find that you're able to reach men and get them to see it the way you are?

00:32:28.038 --> 00:32:32.450
or they say, well, I, you know it's actually I'm slowly doing that and it's kind of.

00:32:32.450 --> 00:32:38.271
It's kind of neat because you know, I co-plunge every day and I got guys now going all right, why are you co-plunging?

00:32:38.271 --> 00:32:38.571
What's?

00:32:38.571 --> 00:32:39.414
What's the story behind it?

00:32:39.414 --> 00:32:39.976
What's going on?

00:32:39.976 --> 00:32:40.297
I go.

00:32:40.297 --> 00:32:45.460
One, it's great for the body and two, it works on my breath.

00:32:45.460 --> 00:32:50.616
Work because of you know, helps you breathe, especially if you're going through stress or whatever like that, and it it kind of helps you.

00:32:51.159 --> 00:32:53.025
The main thing is it connects me back to my faith.

00:32:53.025 --> 00:33:03.981
I mean I meditate in there and I give thanks, you know, each time I'm there, to God to give me the strength to be in this water to fight this, and then that helps me go out and take on the world, the stress and stuff.

00:33:03.981 --> 00:33:06.054
Yeah, so I have been talking.

00:33:06.054 --> 00:33:09.540
It's kind of interesting when I throw things out to friends about talking things.

00:33:09.540 --> 00:33:11.951
I mean it's it's neat to see them starting to grow.

00:33:11.951 --> 00:33:17.214
So I have a friend we're doing weight loss and each morning we're calling each other for weight loss and he goes.

00:33:17.214 --> 00:33:31.766
You know, I would never I would have done this, like you know the buddiness.

00:33:31.766 --> 00:33:34.657
But it is about talking and doing things, especially when it comes to our health.

00:33:34.657 --> 00:33:37.176
That's where you know checking in with guys checking in.

00:33:37.277 --> 00:33:38.182
I think that's so important.

00:33:38.182 --> 00:33:41.193
I love that men now are more checking in on their friends or I.

00:33:41.193 --> 00:33:44.884
You know, I see them more golf trips or this.

00:33:44.884 --> 00:33:46.088
It's so important.

00:33:46.088 --> 00:33:50.459
I've always been a big thing, like my husband would do, on these fishing trips, like guide trips at his birthday.

00:33:50.459 --> 00:33:52.262
All the time I said, good, do that.

00:33:52.262 --> 00:33:57.808
You know, because fishing was his meditation, his thing, that same as jujitsu, right.

00:33:57.808 --> 00:34:04.140
But I always was an advocate for that because for me it was the same when I go hiking, when I go running, when I go work out.

00:34:04.140 --> 00:34:07.259
That's my mental health space too, you know.

00:34:13.411 --> 00:34:20.092
And I think what happens is that everybody has this, like you know, um stigma or what it means to for a guy's weekend and for a girl's weekend, and it's funny that, yeah, we post this.

00:34:20.092 --> 00:34:23.264
We see the girls on instagram cheering their wine, everything like that.

00:34:23.264 --> 00:34:26.034
We see the guys, you know, golfing or whatever like that.

00:34:26.034 --> 00:34:32.648
But really I'm gonna go ahead and give the secret away a guy's trip is for us to sit and talk.

00:34:32.648 --> 00:34:36.057
Yeah, us to sit and just kind of, you know, do our check-in.

00:34:36.057 --> 00:34:39.954
It's getting better and better, like that you know, it's not just how the kids are doing.

00:34:39.974 --> 00:34:40.416
How are you?

00:34:40.456 --> 00:34:40.697
doing.

00:34:40.697 --> 00:34:42.420
Yeah, you know it is, it is.

00:34:42.420 --> 00:34:51.153
I will say, guys, you know, on the golf course, you know the cart girls there we're gonna and we're gonna try our best lines but but I hate to say we're not as good as we once were.

00:34:51.153 --> 00:34:57.161
We're married and you know my buddies, we always, you know, we're like who's got the best line for the cart girl today?

00:34:57.280 --> 00:34:58.382
Oh well, there you go.

00:34:58.382 --> 00:35:05.371
But you know, humor too is so good, right For the soul, and I know she's not going home with any of us.

00:35:05.391 --> 00:35:06.735
You know she's not going anywhere.

00:35:06.775 --> 00:35:10.682
And she knows she's going to get really good tips yeah exactly.

00:35:11.945 --> 00:35:27.418
But my thing is just trying to get more guys to sit down and talk to each other, have accountability with each other and to be proud of, of showing their feelings of caring, of letting people know and not keeping a secret.

00:35:27.418 --> 00:35:35.931
You know, I have a couple of friends who are going through medical, you know stuff, and they didn't want to bother anybody.

00:35:35.931 --> 00:35:37.009
I'm like no, you're bothering me.

00:35:37.210 --> 00:35:37.873
Yeah, it's so true.

00:35:37.873 --> 00:35:40.333
I've had actually even my father-in-law.

00:35:40.333 --> 00:35:43.494
You know he didn't tell us he had lung cancer for years.

00:35:43.494 --> 00:35:50.992
Yeah, you know, he'd make excuses like excuses like oh, I had to fly this because I have a meeting right, but no, he was getting chemotherapy and whatnot.

00:35:50.992 --> 00:35:58.637
So, yeah, they, they would don't want to share because it's bad news, you know so and we're supposed to be fixers, we're supposed to do that.

00:35:58.684 --> 00:36:10.295
But the only way we can fix now, if the person knows what's going on and we're not looking for sympathy, we're just looking to tell you, hey, you know what, I'm a little down because, you know, I thought I was gonna get a raise and I didn't get the raise.

00:36:10.295 --> 00:36:10.835
I don't know.

00:36:10.835 --> 00:36:12.831
You know, I'm working out what we're gonna do.

00:36:13.333 --> 00:36:19.853
We're gonna be okay, you know more like, yeah, you should share it, have community and not be on your own or ask for prayers.

00:36:19.853 --> 00:36:25.396
You know I say connected to your faith and also I'm a big advocator as well.

00:36:25.396 --> 00:36:34.659
To connect with god you also have to kind of connect with your body and make sure keep it as healthy as it can because ultimately your gut is gut, brain.

00:36:34.659 --> 00:36:41.806
You know barrier, and if your gut is not okay then it clouds your brain and your judgment and and all of that.

00:36:41.806 --> 00:36:44.271
So it just plays a big role in your mental health as well.

00:36:44.271 --> 00:36:48.798
So I know cold plunge had been a big thing for me as well.

00:36:48.798 --> 00:36:54.277
Actually it was a really good friend that lived in Sweden and when everything happened she says you need to start cold plunging.

00:36:54.277 --> 00:36:58.135
I said, oh no, I do not like the cold even though I lived in Alaska for 16 years.

00:37:00.706 --> 00:37:18.079
But I had flown down here to look for a home and schools for my kids and I find this place reconnect and go cold plunging for the first time and you're right, it built up that stress, resilience, because I was such in a fight and flight and anything else that would come about.

00:37:18.079 --> 00:37:27.204
Any other challenges it would just be so overwhelming for me I did kind of shut down yeah so it ended up being the stress, resilience and I was able to release in the water.

00:37:27.405 --> 00:37:35.030
I hadn't like I don't cry easily, but, oh my gosh, a few times I get out of that water and tears are flowing totally that's.

00:37:35.050 --> 00:37:35.672
That's me, that's.

00:37:35.672 --> 00:37:38.126
I mean I have a cold plunge at home and I don't.

00:37:38.126 --> 00:37:45.230
I mean I don't really cry there because I'm just, you know, in there, but when I go to reconnect and there's someone, they're guiding you yes, oh yeah, they call them my little angels.

00:37:45.550 --> 00:37:47.711
Yeah, it's release and I think that's again.

00:37:47.711 --> 00:37:47.952
That's.

00:37:47.952 --> 00:37:52.518
You know, I always tell guys cold plunge, I can't get in the water Even for three seconds.

00:37:52.518 --> 00:37:54.800
Let someone guide you, just don't go in there.

00:37:54.800 --> 00:38:09.876
Let someone guide you and then you'll start going by yourself and understand what the a week.

00:38:09.876 --> 00:38:11.682
And this is what I recommend I do.

00:38:11.742 --> 00:38:15.271
I recommend you to find someone um who is over 80.

00:38:15.271 --> 00:38:25.914
I recommend you to find someone who is um in their uh, late 50s, early 60s, and I ask you to find someone who's in their 30s and below.

00:38:25.914 --> 00:38:28.458
Check in with them, find out what's going on.

00:38:28.458 --> 00:38:33.793
The younger people will tell you what's happening in the world in their way, so you can understand if you have kids or where it's going.

00:38:33.793 --> 00:38:47.536
The middle-aged one is going to be talking about where they're going, but you're going to be mentoring them and as you get into the older age, you start to understand what it means to be older and how important things and not having things are.

00:38:48.157 --> 00:38:52.594
You know, when you talk to an 80, 90 year old person, I love, I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait.

00:38:52.594 --> 00:39:04.170
And, as I say, you know, at 70, you know you get to just kind of like show up to a restaurant and and just go in like, excuse me, you don't have reservations, I'm 70, I just want to sit and eat.

00:39:04.170 --> 00:39:05.233
Okay, come on in, sir.

00:39:05.233 --> 00:39:12.833
You know 80, you know you get to show up there in flip-flops and shorts and everything and just walk in and sit down.

00:39:12.833 --> 00:39:15.175
You know, with any family you want to at 80.

00:39:15.175 --> 00:39:16.001
They're like, oh, he's 80.

00:39:16.001 --> 00:39:16.644
Who's he going to talk to?

00:39:16.644 --> 00:39:27.545
At 90, you go in the restaurant any way you want to dress, sit down, eat pain.

00:39:27.545 --> 00:39:28.289
That's my goal, that's your goal.

00:39:28.309 --> 00:39:28.650
90 years old.

00:39:28.650 --> 00:39:33.509
I've watched 90 year old people just walk into a restaurant, sit down and start eating, right, and just order food and everything and then just get up and leave.

00:39:33.509 --> 00:39:36.297
You're like, who wants to tell the guy, did he forget to pay?

00:39:36.297 --> 00:39:37.586
Does he not know he needs to pay?

00:39:37.586 --> 00:39:38.268
Who's he with?

00:39:38.268 --> 00:39:41.751
No, it's fine, right, that's what I'm saying At 90 years old.

00:39:41.751 --> 00:39:44.275
So you kind of like but they figured out the meaning of life.

00:39:44.275 --> 00:39:47.619
The meaning of life is not caring, and that's it right there.

00:39:48.179 --> 00:39:53.503
I love that because one of my favorite things when I visit back in Quebec City is to sit with my grandfather.

00:39:53.503 --> 00:40:00.097
He's 97 now and, oh my gosh, he dances the tango three times a week.

00:40:00.097 --> 00:40:01.771
He does people's taxes still.

00:40:01.771 --> 00:40:03.630
He has written a second book.

00:40:03.630 --> 00:40:06.873
He's so active and I love that.

00:40:06.873 --> 00:40:11.996
But I always ask him okay, grandpa, you know what's your wisdom and what to share.

00:40:11.996 --> 00:40:20.139
But one thing he says every morning he does his prayer, you know give thanks, faith give thanks and being active.

00:40:20.179 --> 00:40:21.724
And his food I see him eat too.

00:40:21.724 --> 00:40:25.271
He's very slow, very just, intentional and take time.

00:40:25.271 --> 00:40:29.387
And family is so important community so and that's what we can do now.

00:40:29.527 --> 00:40:34.237
So at 56, I, I literally I go camping, you know, and I go sit.

00:40:34.237 --> 00:40:42.534
I didn't think I was ever gonna do that, but then each week at the end of the week, I just I just sit, I sit, and my kids know like they'll call up if they.

00:40:42.534 --> 00:40:44.746
You know, it's what our hey dad, what are you doing sitting time?

00:40:44.746 --> 00:40:47.052
You go, they're okay, call me, I go, is it important?

00:40:47.052 --> 00:40:47.675
No, no, call me.

00:40:47.675 --> 00:40:50.664
When you're done, I sit for me an hour or two.

00:40:50.784 --> 00:40:51.445
I love cigars.

00:40:51.445 --> 00:40:52.568
I might, you know, have a cigar.

00:40:52.568 --> 00:40:54.373
I might just sit with a glass of wine or whatever.

00:40:54.373 --> 00:40:59.135
But I've learned how to take that time for me and that means I'm okay to take care of everybody else.

00:40:59.135 --> 00:41:00.186
And I tell that to women too.

00:41:00.186 --> 00:41:03.891
You don't need to cook dinner every night, especially if you have teenagers.

00:41:03.891 --> 00:41:05.092
Let them fin.00:41:05.092 --> 00:41:06.936


Let them fin for theirself, and they'll grow much better.00:41:06.936 --> 00:41:10.606


There's ramen noodles in their kid or learn how to, you know, open a can of soup or whatever.00:41:10.606 --> 00:41:19.597


But I think, if we start doing that at this age, because that's what older people are doing and they live longer yes, yeah, taking that space to fill your own bucket back.00:41:19.617 --> 00:41:34.791


Yeah, you know, you're such a giver every day as well, being on tv and being so jovial and kind and your humor, you know, and but I think, yeah, you got to give back to yourself and same as the parents, you know, or anybody in the field, you know, always giving got to be okay to receive.00:41:34.791 --> 00:41:40.170


And it's funny because it's been a year that since I was on the TV show, and.00:41:40.210 --> 00:41:46.396


I've had this bottle of wine in a car to give you and I kept on texting him like I really want to give this to you because say thank you.00:41:49.824 --> 00:41:50.668


Is the bottle still there?00:41:50.668 --> 00:41:51.831


Is the wine still there did you not drink the wine.00:41:51.871 --> 00:41:52.313


It's an empty bottle.00:41:52.313 --> 00:41:52.634


Empty bottle.00:41:52.634 --> 00:41:54.900


I might have had to switch it back right a couple of times.00:41:54.900 --> 00:42:01.594


It's actually one because, um, my husband's dad, they had a winery in oregon.00:42:01.594 --> 00:42:05.748


They they sold it about a couple years ago once he passed but.00:42:05.748 --> 00:42:07.614


I still have the Methvin wine.00:42:07.614 --> 00:42:14.036


They had won awards for Pinot Noir, anyways, and so I had one for you, and I didn't drink it.00:42:14.155 --> 00:42:22.195


Oh my goodness, Thank you I wanted to say thank you, because you really you know it had that ripple effect and you just believed in my message.00:42:22.195 --> 00:42:26.914


But I was just like you've got to be willing to receive as well.00:42:26.974 --> 00:42:32.481


Yeah, well I'll receive this and be ready to receive a text or a call going.00:42:32.481 --> 00:42:35.150


This stuff is great, this is really good.00:42:35.431 --> 00:42:37.400


Sorry you can't get it anywhere anymore.00:42:37.400 --> 00:42:53.003


But you know, oh my goodness but yes, it's so important, take that time to receive again and fill up your bucket so you can give more back you know, I'm a true believer in that and I love that you're helping men just be able, because you know, that's the thing.00:42:53.023 --> 00:42:57.081


I think my husband, you know, six foot four, great big guy, always wanted to be a superman.00:42:57.081 --> 00:42:59.228


And you talk about your dad, of giving, giving, giving.00:42:59.228 --> 00:43:01.896


That is one thing scott did at the dental office.00:43:01.896 --> 00:43:07.034


I mean to the point where the managers are like, okay, enough, enough, we gotta pay the bills.00:43:07.034 --> 00:43:17.409


You know, but he always felt so bad how much dentistry is, you know, for people that didn't have a lot of money and they're hurting, so he gave a lot and that's also with us guys.00:43:17.550 --> 00:43:18.273


As I know, we got to wrap.00:43:18.273 --> 00:43:21.014


We've been talking for a while as we go through.00:43:21.014 --> 00:43:26.085


As I said, for guys it's okay at times not to be able to give.00:43:26.085 --> 00:43:28.509


Don't think that that's going to.00:43:28.509 --> 00:43:29.090


So.00:43:29.090 --> 00:43:30.210


For guys, it's okay at times not to be able to give.00:43:30.210 --> 00:43:32.672


Don't think that that's going to make you or people are going to be upset with you.00:43:32.672 --> 00:43:33.414


I even do it with my own family.00:43:33.414 --> 00:43:33.954


I do it with my own kids.00:43:33.954 --> 00:43:36.155


People call up and say you know my kids, dad, can I borrow $25?00:43:36.155 --> 00:43:36.996


I don't have it on me right now.00:43:36.996 --> 00:43:39.420


I do, but I have to say no, I don't.00:43:39.940 --> 00:43:46.954


So I kind of like have boundaries, bound, boundaries, boundaries, yeah, and it's okay, and I think that's also where again we get we get overwhelmed, and what we can?00:43:47.074 --> 00:43:52.431


I've had to have boundaries too, because you know, as you give and give and you're just like, oh, it's okay to say no.00:43:52.431 --> 00:43:56.329


Well, I am so honored that you came I know this is great, thank you.00:43:56.369 --> 00:43:59.880


Yeah, I come back again talk some more different things but.00:43:59.880 --> 00:44:00.623


I appreciate it.00:44:00.643 --> 00:44:02.626


Yeah, well thank you, brad.00:44:02.626 --> 00:44:06.351


Thank you for bringing your light, humor and heart to today's conversation.00:44:06.351 --> 00:44:12.940


I know so many men listening, and women too, are going to take away something powerful from the honesty you've shared.00:44:12.940 --> 00:44:23.947


Your journey reminds us that vulnerability is strength, joy is found in the simple things and that chasing passion always leads to a richer life For those listening.00:44:23.947 --> 00:44:33.157


Go check out Brad's podcast Things that Men Don't Talk About and, of course, tune in Arizona Daily Mix and, as always, remember you are not alone.00:44:33.157 --> 00:44:46.592


Keep choosing love, keep choosing light and I'll see you next time on Not Alone with Melissa Sue Mather you.