Cougar Puberty: 12 WTF Signs of Perimenopause No One Warned Us About

scottie  0:06  
Scott, welcome to the momplex Podcast. I am your host. Scotty durett, my passion and purpose is to help other moms just like me rediscover their joy and step into their confidence as their kids grow up. Join me as I share my own experiences, my own mistakes and aha moments as I navigate this incredible journey of motherhood while trying not to lose my identity. If you are a modern day mama who is ready to live for herself, not just for her kids, and knows that is the best possible gift you could give, then you are in the right place. This is momplex. Hey, my beautiful Mama, how are you today?

Scottie Durrett  0:44  
Welcome back to momplex. I'm so happy to have this amazing opportunity to talk with you today. I really appreciate you clicking play on my podcast. There are so many incredible podcasts on there out in the world on Apple and Spotify. And I know that I sometimes have a choice. You know, when I'm going on my walk or I'm driving in the car, okay, which podcast am I going to listen to today? Because we can't listen to everything all the time. So if you chose to listen to my podcast, first of all, I just want to say thank you so much for being here and that you're here for a reason, and I really, truly believe in that. And so today, welcome back. Momplex. Is my happy place. This is my momplex universe that I'm creating to help empower mamas like you, right, who have massive goals and dreams about your own life, your kid's life, and you want to feel good, because feeling good feels good. It is your birthright. And when we feel good, then we can do all of the things that we really want to do for ourselves and for our kids and for our families and for the universe and for society. And when you don't feel good, and when you've lost trust in you know your own body, and you've lost trust in doctors, and you're grieving the body you once had. You're grieving that energy. You're grieving the life that you had before you had kids. There's nothing wrong with that. It's we can be in love. We can be madly in love with ourselves from all chapters of our life, right? But, you know, I'm talking about this because today's episode is really bringing some awareness to our own bodies and what we might be going through at this stage in our life, because it's really important for us to have awareness. What is really truthfully going on. Awareness is key, because it then gives you an opportunity to do something about it. Right? If you're feeling stuck, if you're feeling gas lit, if you're feeling confused and disconnected because you don't feel as good as you want to feel, even though you're doing quote, all the right things, and you've kind of lost trust in your body. You've kind of lost trust in all the wellness gurus out there. I've been there, I promise you, I've been there. But I just don't want you to lose hope. I want you to have some certainty that what you want is actually available to you. It's it's already there, right? If you believe that what we desire is meant for us, then that is 100% true, but awareness is key, because we want to gather all the information that our body is sending to us so that we can then make the best choice for ourselves. I really hope that today's episode shines a light on some symptoms that you might be experiencing and just give you some choices, right? Because that is incredibly important. So today's episode is for you, if you are a mom, if you are a female, if you have ovaries, if you have had a period in the past, and maybe you've cried over some dog tiktoks Unexpectedly, I do want to talk to you about some of these surprising signs of perimenopause, because, for some reason, no judgment, but there isn't a lot of education. At least I haven't received a lot of education about this stage of our life, and it's pretty significant because it lasts as long, if not longer, than puberty. And remember how much change we've gone through during puberty? I mean, just look at your kids right now. Puberty is a hormonal and change roller coaster. Well, so is perimenopause. And there's this beautiful conversation that we can have in our heads where we say to ourselves, yes, I'm getting older. Yes. This is typical mom life. This is typical aging. This is typical, you know, perimenopause. This is just part for the course, right? But we don't want to gaslight ourselves, and we don't want to hurt our own feelings. Because I think there's also that conversation where you say, okay, yeah, I get it. I'm getting older. Some of the warranties are. Not you know they're running out, or I'm not feeling as spry as I used to, but am I okay with that? Do I want to stay there? Or would I like some options? And so that's what I'm hoping with today, is that you could have some options. Just like my mom, she's feeling like shit, she's laying on the floor of her bathroom, she's got massive nausea. She could stay there and just wait for time to work it out. But what's the fun in that she wants to feel good, so let's go get her to the doctor, gather some information, then she can make some better choices for herself, which will hopefully help her feel better. And that's truly what I want to you. I want to empower you with choices and certainty that what you want and what you desire is what's meant for you. But I do want to highlight some stuff. So back to this. If you have recently cried over a dog Tiktok or a car commercial, maybe you have rage, organized rage, cleaned your closet at midnight because you can't sleep. Maybe you're worried that you might have early onset dementia, because you keep forgetting why you walked into a room, or even what day of the week it is. If this is you, and you're nodding your head, you're not losing it, you are likely in perimenopause, and just like puberty, it is a hormonal roller coaster that it where your insides are massively changing, and they are inevitably going to transform and directly affect your outsides the external right? But no one really educated us on these loops. And unlike, you know, learning about the Russian Revolution in school, they didn't give us any fucking information on this. In fact, all of the info I'm sharing with you today is because I have gone out and asked questions and researched and searched, and perimenopause is a very significant transformation and chapter, but it doesn't need to be a negative one. In fact, there is a lot of empowerment, confidence, reconnection to self and beauty and no fucks given. When you get to this stage of your life, it's actually incredibly it can crack you open in the most beautiful way, right? But massive body and life shifts happening all all and especially with us all while we're sandwiched between raising our kids, caring for our parents and also trying to crush our own goals, right? Honestly, I used to think that perimenopause meant a huge few hot flashes, because that's that what's that's probably the main symptom that is pointed out on commercials or what you hear people talk about. And I also thought it was for really old people like the Golden Girls, but my son just pointed out casually that I am literally the same age as Rue McClanahan was when she was cast on that show. Yes, I'm not a golden girl, but I am a golden girl, right? I'm not subscribing to that old woman energy, but I'm also not ignoring the fact that I've been alive for almost 49 years, and my body is changing. That is a fact, one we don't want to ignore. It's not a betrayal. We're falling apart. It's an evolution. And so the puzzle pieces almost like think about yourself as a puzzle. You've perimenopause is taking all those same puzzle pieces and breaking them apart, throwing them up in the air, and actually waiting for them to land, and they're going to land in completely different spots, but form the most beautiful puzzle ever, right? So if you want to feel fucking amazing and awesome for the next 40 to 50 years, we've got to understand what's going on under the hood right now so that we can take care of ourselves, get back on path, understand how to communicate with our body, and then we get to share that with our friends. We get to share that with our kids. We get to share that share that and pay it forward, right? I mean, recently, I mean not too long ago, I was waking up drenched in sweat at night. I was always mad at my husband for just breathing and asking me the same questions over and over again, and I just at one point, I was like, am I ever going to feel good again? Am I ever going to have energy again? Yes and yes. But today, we're breaking up the silence with a lot of compassion for me, no shame whatsoever, no fluff, and I'm gonna sprinkle some science in so you feel like you've got, you're armed with all the information that you need. So let's get into the 12 surprising signs of perimenopause, so you can stop feeling broken and disconnected and you can start feeling empowered and Good as hell. I'm going to highlight some symptoms you might chalk up to just mom life or being that multitasking superhero that you are, but just because something is common doesn't mean it's normal, and it doesn't mean you have to lower your standards, and you don't have to live in pain just to prove you're strong, you don't have to suffer to be happy. Pain is a signal. It's not a personality trait or proof that you're a good mom or a bad mom, and you. It's none of that. It's actually separate the no pain, no gain mantra is over. I'm leaving that my rear view mirror. We don't have to earn our happiness by living in pain. Okay, so let's go. Number one, your period is on her own journey now. She's ghosting you, or she's crashing the party early, she's bleeding like it's her final act, or she's left the building. So it's like we're 12 years old again, worried that we're gonna bleed through our white jeans at school without any warning, and we're asking our friends non stop to check us. By the way, one time, I was walking through the middle school campus and I asked my friend, quote friend, if I had bled through my pants, and she screamed and said, yes, that I had, she was fucking lying middle school kids,

Scottie Durrett  10:44  
they can be such punks. So that might be what you're physically going through, that your period is now unpredictable. You don't have your regular 28 to 31 day cycle. Maybe it's happening once every three months. Maybe it's happening sporadically. Maybe it's happening every two weeks. Maybe it's happening every six months. You're feeling super it's like though, it's like your foundation has shifted. You don't even know how to predict when you're going to need a tampon or when you're going to be moody, right? So science says the fluctuating estrogen and progesterone mess with the rhythm of our ovulation, and that's what's going on estrogen and progesterone levels are changing quickly and significantly inside your body. What to do about it? Try to track it. If you can just take note of when the first and the last day of your periods. Don't obsess over it, just observe it. There's flow. I think that's an app you can do. Or you can just write it down in your calendar. You can write it in your notes app, just try to get some sort of awareness around it. Number two, rage texting, rage posting is a weekly activity, hormone drop, plus no sleep plus sensory overload means or equals you snapping over a spoon in the sink, or something that is happening in politics, or something that a mom did or a stranger did on the road, right? Science says that low estrogen equals less serotonin, which equals more irritability. So this isn't just about not having to buy tampons anymore. This is a sign that your hormones are changing. That is a big deal. It's worth talking to your doctor about, because it's going to affect your mood and it's going to affect how you show up and how you interact with people. Until you can see the doctor, you can go on midi.com, MIDI, help.com, but also breath work before you react. When something triggers, you just hit the pause button. Take some deep breaths. Just give yourself a moment, because we want to give ourselves a moment to get out of that stress state into that non stress state before we go ahead and react once you've taken a few breaths, then you can post, then you can comment, then you can text, then you can honk at the person in traffic. The third sign memory, or what memory you walk into a room and forget why you can't remember where you put your car keys, and then you find them in your hand. You have a pair of reading glasses on top of your head, a pair of reading glasses on and a pair of sunglasses on your shirt, right? I mean, you feel so confused because you're so dang confused. Estrogen, here's your science fact supports brain function, so when it dips, that's when our thoughts become fuzzy. So if you're not remembering where you put your keys, where you're driving to how to get from your house to the gym that you've been to 600 times, or what you were supposed to get at the store, it's not a flaw. It means you may be low on some key hormones. It's really good to get this checked out, magnesium, hydration, sleep, I say that with a little laughter, sticky notes. Help yourself out. Be your best friend. Write some sticky notes down right instead of just going to the grocery and winging it off the cuff, write down a list. Don't just self diagnose or do what someone on Tiktok is doing. Ask your doctor, because your health is very unique to you, and your wellness plan is very nuanced. We're not a one size fits all, and so you want to really listen to your signals and get expert advice on that. It might take you a little bit time to figure it out. You might have to try several different amounts of magnesium, you might have to add electrolytes to your water. You might have to cut back on caffeine. But these are all things you want to do with the support of somebody who understands what it means when you're pulling labs and you're sharing your symptoms. Number four, your boobs are moody as fuck. They're swollen, they're sore, they're heavy. I mean, it's. Like you're pregnant. Again, you look down, you're like, where did these boobs come? Not to mention they are sagging all the way down to your belly button. Science says that hormonal fluctuations create breast tissue sensitivity. So again, your body is communicating to you in the most clear and kind way possible. Please don't ignore it or just brush it off. We are way too important to ignore our pain. Plus, if you have teenagers, they are the ones who are going to be living like this one day, right? So we want, we actually want our own kids to learn what it looks like to take care of yourself and be the boss of your own body and the boss of your own life. How important is that? Something that really helped me and it could help you if you do choose to track your cycles, cutting back on Saltine saltines, I do love saltine crackers, cutting back on caffeine and salt can help, especially before your cycle. Just take the pressure off of your boobs. Also soft bras. I mean, we do not need to be in painful underwire bras. If your bras are uncomfortable, fucking throw them out. Go get yourself some comfortable bras. Target has some of the best bras ever. Number five, you're hot and cold in the same 30 seconds. I was on a flight home with my son. We were flying back from Phoenix to San Francisco. I mean, big time weather change, and I took off and put my sweatshirt on no less than 30 times on the hour and a half flight. So estrogen helps regulate our body temperature when it drops. Thermo regulation is bonkers, so keep layers around. No shame for putting them on or taking off your hoodie two times in 10 seconds. I did, but don't ignore it. This doesn't have just because it might be a common symptom of perimenopause doesn't mean it has to become your everyday normal, plus you will likely freeze your family out of the house at what temperature you need to sleep at, and so if you want to save some money on the air conditioning bill, get to the bottom of it. Dress in layers, ditch polyester cooling towels or your new best friend and no shape what your body is asking you to do in that moment, freaking do it. Number six, you could nap on command, exhausted doesn't even cover it. No matter how much sleep you get, protein you eat, how many hours of rest you're getting, or how much melatonin you pop, you are fucking exhausted. It could be several things. Hormones are out of balance. You are carrying too much right now, and your cortisol is spiking, or you're not eating enough. Please get to the bottom of it, hormonal shifts disrupt REM sleep, and they spike cortisol. 10 minute rest. Don't scroll, don't do chores. Rest is healing. It is the antidote. It is the remedy to your exhaustion. I have so many moms calling me and working with me, just saying, it doesn't matter what I do, how much I sleep, and I'm doing all the right things, I still wake up exhausted. I'm like, Okay, well, talk to me about your middle of the day rest. Let's look at your daytime hours, because how you live in the daytime affects how you sleep. Rest is not sitting on the sofa folding laundry and planning your shopping list at the same time. Rest is not sitting on the sofa with your feet up, but also working on your book or your podcast or answering 6000 emails that's not resting, because there's going to be cortisol spikes in there, right? There's going to be a lot of fluid hormonal shifts happening. Rest equals rest. Number seven, you suddenly hate everyone, but you also love them. Deeply emotional whiplash. This has been probably one of the most interesting symptoms. You love your kids so much you could squeeze them till their eyes pop out of their head, but you also want them to shut up. You love your partner. You're so grateful for them, but you also want them to stop breathing. And you also want everybody on Fox, CNN and BBC to get fired. And you love your social media because it helps you stay connected with your friends. But you also think everybody on social media is a big, bad idiot. They want to make you scream at the top of your lungs. Your limbic system is extra sensitive right now, and that's totally okay. Number one, feel the feelings. Don't judge yourself. Don't judge your feelings. Try not to judge the other person on social media or on the other side of the screen. Just ride the wave, dance it out. Rest. Move it out. You know, turn on your favorite music, create space, acknowledge how you're feeling, and then deep breathe before you react. Remember what I was saying before. It's just like we got to get ourselves out of ourselves out of that cortisol spike, that stress and get ourselves back planet on Earth. Grounding helps me so much.

Scottie Durrett  19:51  
Number eight, your skin is doing some weird shit. If you've got hormonal acne, dry patches, maybe you look more dehydrated than usual, by the way. When you're going through many pause menopause. Many pause. When you're going through, hey, that's actually many pause, because there's so many fucking symptoms. Maybe you've got rogue chin hairs. Maybe when you're going through menopause, you can't It's like our it's like we're drinking 10 times the amount of caffeine. We're just more dehydrated brows, if your brows are out of whack, if they're growing weird, if you have, like a gray, gray hair in your brow, and it's like Cruella de Vil pointy, or it's not growing at all. Estrogen affects collagen and it affects hair growth. So hydrate, exfoliate, gently, laser that shit if you want to. There's no shame. Talk to your doctor about adding some no sugar electrolytes, see if there's anything that you need to be doing to help up your skincare game. And you know, it is important to take care of ourselves, right, like we want to get into good routines of the right amount of sleep, the good the best skincare, the right foods, the right hydration. It's all really important because it does directly affect your skin, in addition to the fact that if your estrogen levels have dipped, your skin is going to definitely show that it's going to our skin mirrors what's going on on the inside. Number nine, anxiety is creeping in. You're on edge more you're having more spirals. You're waking up at 3am worrying about shit you haven't thought about in 20 years, and you're thinking, oh my gosh, am I ever going to stop worrying? Are things ever going to work out? Hormones directly affect our calming neurotransmitters. Okay, again, it's what's going on on the inside directly affects what happens on the outside, right? So tapping EFT a beautiful way to process stuck emotions and help you process anxiety, magnesium, but get the dose from a doctor. Don't just self diagnose protein at breakfast. We don't want to skip meals, because it really does spike our cortisol and it puts us into a stress state which can only exacerbate anxiety, nervous system. Love is not optional at this point in our life. It should always be, but especially when we're going through menopause. Number 10, you smell things that no one else can smell. It's like we're being pregnant again. Did someone peel an orange three rooms away. Did someone forget to flush the toilet? Why do I smell pee? Have you brushed your teeth in 10 weeks? What the frick? Hormonal changes, hyper senses, just like when we were pregnant, just like when you're going through your like when you're going through your premenstrual cycles. I love essential oils, lavender, citrus, peppermint, ground yourself through scent. I don't like candles because those affect my allergies. They have those odor absorbers that you can get. They're all natural, all organic. I love diffusers and pumping my room full of lavender essential oils. You can even just put a little bit on your wrists and use it like it's almost like a perfume number 11. You don't tolerate bullshit anymore. I think this also goes with just our age, even if you're not in perimenopause, there just becomes this shift where you really don't give two fucks if you've got fake friends, loud chewing, passive aggressive. PTA, moms. Buh, bye. If you're in a relationship right now where it just feels hard, you're having to chase the conversation, force things, if it just doesn't feel easy, we just don't have to tolerate it anymore. We're not here to please everybody on this planet all of the time. This is what makes relationships so beautiful. We are precious. Our energy is precious. We do have soul matches. Make sure that you're surrounding yourself by those soul matches, especially when you have more anxiety, when you're feeling unsure of yourself, when you're going through some of these new feelings and new emotions. Right? The same way you would advise your kid if they were going through a tough time, you would say, put yourself around those friends that you trust, the ones that make you feel truly like yourself and where you feel the most safe. Same advice for you, don't apologize. This is clarity. Thank the universe for giving you clarity on what where you should be spending your time and where you can not spend your time. It's not cruelty. Welcome to the I don't give a fuck era, and when you show up as bright as you want to show up, you then attract the energy and the things that are meant for you. Number 12, those existential thoughts brewing at 3am is this, it? Is my kid going to be okay? What do I want next? I can't believe I said that. Am I living the life I want? Oh my gosh, cringe. How could have I texted that or worn that I'm so worried? Is my kid going to make the baseball team? Oh my gosh, did I feed them enough? I mean, think about what your brain is going through. Hormonal transitions trigger identity awakenings, which is. Is actually the beautiful side of this coin, right? There's two sides to every coin. I'm really shining a light on the shadows. There's so much light, okay? Journal your thoughts, soul. Walk it out. You're not spiraling. You're waking up, and when you're waking up at three in the morning and your brain is spiraling. I want you to imagine this beautiful container on your bedside. I want you to take those thoughts and I want you to put them in that container and say, Look, I will get to you when the sun is up and leading into that this is a beautiful awakening for you to learn. Who am I now? What does my beautiful body need to help me show up and live the life that I really want, what puzzle pieces are shifting around, and how can I create space for them to fall into the right spot? Now I've got some good action steps for you, but I want you to before we dive into that. I really want you to make a conscious choice with me right now that you are worth feeling good. You're worth doing the research to get to the bottom of these, these symptoms, even if you have just one of them, if part of your identity is wrapped up in your struggle, whether you're getting sympathy, the drama, the complaining, the bitching, or the look how tough I am, that is a red flag. That's not empowerment, that's conditioning. Let's unlearn that. Let's shift and say, Look, I want to feel better, so I'm going to go out there and figure out what I need to feel my best. Here's some great things you can put in your toolkit that can really help you that one minute breath reset, inhale through your nose, hold it for a few and then exhale. Do it while you're driving. Do it while you're standing at the kitchen counter, it flips your nervous system from stress to non stress super fast. Number two, magnesium at night. It's proven to help with sleep, anxiety, muscle tension. This isn't just Woo. It's legit. If you want. You can connect with MIDI health.com you can also reach out to your doctor and just ask them to give you what is a good starting amount of magnesium for you to begin with, number three, track what you can no spreadsheet required. Just jot down what you know. Jot down if you're having cycles, jot down those patterns. Jot down what makes you feel off. Notice what's triggering you notice when you feel the most relaxed. Just start taking note of how you're doing. Okay. Move, move in microdoses. Movement is medicine. Okay? It's probably one of the best ways for you to process stuck emotions, reconnect to your body and hear that inner voice. Plus we want to stay strong and powerful and do everything that we want to do in our life. Movement is a massive part of that routine. It's medicine. And then number five, no more suffering in silence. Talk to your people. Shame dies in the light right when we don't feed it, it has nothing to like. It has nothing to snack on. Who in your world do you trust that you could go to? Our friendships and good relationships are sacred, and if you don't have one, you have me always. This isn't just the the change. This is your change, okay, and your change has never happened before, because you have never been here before, which means you get to write the rules. You get to decide how you want to feel. You get to decide what you want to focus on. You're not falling apart. I think we're falling into alignment, about to embark on one of the best fucking chapters of our lives. Okay, you're not lost. You're meeting a new version of yourself, which is incredibly important for us to go through, because our kids are going through this constantly. We need the practice, right? So we can help them through it when they go through an identity shift, okay,

Scottie Durrett  28:41  
the perfectionism, the people pleasing, the pressure to keep it all together. Bye, bye. We're letting that go. Because here's the thing that nobody told us, perimenopause is a damn portal to your power, to your most real self, to your no BS, deeply certain, embodied soul, connected. Take No shit, identity. This is your fucking upgrade. Okay? It's a rebirth. It's a renaissance. I mean, and the woman on the other side of this, she is incredible. I want you to close your eyes and just imagine her. I bet you can see her, that version of you in your mind's eye, she's she's there. If you can see her, she's there. You just got to get a few ducks in a row, a few of the stepping stones to help you get from where you are to where she is. And those stepping stones are not significant and they're not far apart. It would feel good to feel good, right? I know you would love to wake up with energy, right? I know you would like to be able to do the things that really matter to you not just managing your symptoms. I want you to wake up and feel like you have real reconnection to you, your clarity, your calm, your wholeness. I want you to wake up and feel excited to wake up right. You've got it. So I would recommend honestly, just noticing which of those symptoms. Yes, resonate. Write them down, and then I want you to either go to MIDI, help.com and set up an appointment and let them know they are amazing, or if you have a doctor, somebody that you trust, please reach out to them. Start getting to the bottom, getting to the bottom of these symptoms, finding out why your body is telling you this and what it's asking for you to do. If this episode felt like exactly what you needed, please share it, send it to another friend, because they might not know all of these symptoms, and they could be just brushing them off. We want to empower each other, because when we feel better, we then show up better for our kids, and that's the future, and we want to give our best version of ourselves to our kids, and you deserve that too. If you need some more Scottie guidance, or if you want a little bit of encouragement or support through this, please go ahead and book a soul reading. I'll drop the link in the show notes. Let's connect to what's underneath all those hormones and what's underneath all those surface symptoms, because I want to help you really connect to that inner voice. You're not crazy, you're not broken. You are in a sacred transition, and it's your damn responsibility to own it. Please check in with yourself. Are you exhausted? Are you snapping? Are you numb? Are you feeling off? That's not That's not just how it is now. That's your body and soul waving red flags, saying, Girl, please listen to us. Stop gaslighting yourself with the quote, I'm fine. Stop chasing gold stars for suffering the most because news flash, no one is handing out trophies for being the most suffering. Burned out, exhausted, perimenopause. Mom, the whole martyr era, it's expired. You're either evolving or you're repeating. And I want the best for you. I want more for you, your health, your sanity, your joy. That's the revolution and your kids. They deserve you at your best. They are counting on you to show up at your best. So catch the signs. Do the research, make the shifts. Speak up, ask for help, get support, and if the first doctor you talk to doesn't have the right answers, go to another one. Keep going and going and going until you get the support you need, because silently falling apart doesn't make you strong, it makes you sick. And we're done with that. This is momplex. I'm Scotty, and I love you so much. I really do mean that I will see you here next time. Thank you so much for being here, and you deserve to feel good. It's your birthright. Hey, Mama, thank you so much for listening before you dive back into the beautiful chaos of your life. Please take this with you. You're doing better than you think. You are not alone, and you do not have to do this on autopilot. If this episode helped you in any way, please share it with a mom who needs to hear it, because we grow faster when we do it together, and if you have a second, leaving a five star review helps momplex reach more mamas who need this kind of real talk and support. If you want more support and guidance, or just someone in your corner. Be sure to visit scottyderette.com to learn more. Get in touch with me or dive deeper into this work until next time. Mom, Trust yourself, trust your gut. You already know what to do, and you are exactly the mama your kids need. I love you. I'll see you next time you.