Carolyn Hicks: Purpose in Hidden Places

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Hey friends, welcome to the Her God Story podcast

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where you will always hear a powerful story to

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inspire and strengthen your walk with the Lord.

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I'm your host, Jodid Chiricosta, ministry leader

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at Somebody Cares America and international author

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and fellow traveler on this incredible journey

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of faith. Let me ask you, have you ever felt

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inadequate for what God's calling you to do?

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Maybe you've heard his nudge, sensed a divine

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invitation, or simply been handed a difficult

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situation and your first thought was, I'm not

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enough for this. Well, you're not alone. That

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feeling is more common than we like to admit,

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even among those God used most powerfully. Moses

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said, who am I to go to Pharaoh? Jeremiah insisted

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he was too young. Gideon called himself the least

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in his father's family. And Esther, though a

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queen, hesitated, fearing she lacked the strength

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or position to make a difference. Yet each one

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was seen, called, and empowered by God. In fact,

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in 2 Corinthians 12 9, God reminds us, My grace

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is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect

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in weakness. It's not about how qualified we

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feel. It's about how present he is. God sees

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us, not for what we lack, but for who we are

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in him. And he equips us with all we need when

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we step forward in faith. That truth fuels so

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much of what we do at Somebody Cares. We believe

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that no one, no matter how obscure their story

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or how hidden their struggle, escapes God's notice.

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And because he sees them, we want to see them

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too. That's why we established the Widow and

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Orphan Fund, to bring hope and practical help

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to those who might otherwise be forgotten. Just

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recently, when one of our Somebody Cares ministry

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leaders passed away unexpectedly, his widow was

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left navigating both grief and overwhelming.

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final expenses, but because of the generosity

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of friends like you, we were able to step in

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and lift part of that burden. In her darkest

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moment, she experienced the comfort of knowing

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she was seen by God and supported by His people.

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If that speaks to your heart, would you prayerfully

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consider joining us in this mission? Every gift,

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large or small, becomes part of God's provision.

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Just visit HerGodStory .org and click on Help

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Now. And yes, we even accept cryptocurrency.

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Today's episode is especially meaningful if you've

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ever felt invisible, unsure, or incapable in

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any way. My friend Carolyn Hicks knows that struggle

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well. For a season, even while she was married

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to a powerful minister and witnessing God move

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during the Jesus movement in Houston, Texas,

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she quietly battled feelings of uselessness and

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invisibility. She wondered if she truly had a

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place of her own in God's story. But over time,

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Carolyn came to realize that was a lie. God had

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always seen her. He always had a plan for her

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life, one that was filled with purpose, influence,

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and even impact. In this episode, you'll hear

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remarkable stories of how God literally saved

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her life, drew her close, and continues to lead

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her forward in bold faith. Carolyn and her late

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husband, Buddy, raised two godly daughters and

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played a vital role in revival. But it's through

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her own quiet obedience and personal encounters

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with the Lord that she came to understand the

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depth of his love for her, not just as a pastor's

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wife, but as his beloved daughter with a divine

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assignment. So settle in, friend. If you've ever

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wondered whether you're enough, I pray this episode

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reminds you that you are seen, chosen, and equipped

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by the one who calls you his own. Welcome, Carolyn.

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Hi, Jodi. Nice to be here. Carolyn, to start

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us off, would you share a little bit about your

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early years and how you came to put your faith

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in Christ? First, I want to say that I had wonderful

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parents, and they did not cause any of my stress

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or my feeling of rejections. I grew up in a church

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and heard some truth, but I didn't know fully

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who God really was. I didn't know how much he

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truly loved me. Didn't know that he could restore

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in him my brokenness. This was 59 years ago.

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I met Buddy in my teens. He started working as

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associate pastor at a church. And on occasion,

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I was able to go with him. I started hearing

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things I'd never heard before. Things like if

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I put my faith and trust in him. And pursue him.

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That God would help me. He would deliver me.

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He would restore. He would provide. He would

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comfort. He would guide me. He would give me

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peace and hope. Even if I was in a storm. He

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would never leave me. He was always constantly

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by my side. Always loved me. And that he would

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make a way where there seemed to be no way. And

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so much more that I started learning about God

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that I never knew existed. And if a person feels

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rejected and lonely like I did, we can find freedom

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and God can give us abundant life. And Jodi,

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if I can make it, anyone can make it. We think

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we are the only ones sometimes. The devil makes

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us think we're the only ones. And he lies to

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everyone the same lie. He's not a creative being,

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so he doesn't come up with something new. He

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tells us all pretty much the same, that we're

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not enough. And he wants to deliver all of us.

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Yeah, so when you started understanding who God

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is and... what he's done for us. It was just

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a natural to put your faith in him, wasn't it?

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Absolutely. And Buddy, who you were going to

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church with, you all fell in love and you married

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young. You were just 19. Buddy was a little older.

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He was already pursuing his second master's degree

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and he was well into ministry. And that must

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have been really exciting, but also quite overwhelming.

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You've shared that. Walking beside such a strong,

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accomplished man sometimes made you feel inadequate,

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even unseen. But over time, as you spent time

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with God and got into his word, the Lord began

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to reshape your thinking. So, Carolyn, what are

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some of the key scriptures or moments that helped

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you see yourself the way God sees you? I was

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young and new in this kind of thinking. And it

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took me a while to grasp onto. But God started

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using Buddy to mentor me. He was my mentor throughout

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his life and while we were married. He had a

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college degree. I didn't. He was working on another

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master's. And there were times I felt inadequate.

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But, you know, Buddy always made me feel like

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I was enough. He never let that be. make any

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difference in our life together he saw me as

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an equal in the Lord and I remember at one point

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that Deb Wilkerson called Buddy and I to Houston

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to be youth pastors at a church where a bunch

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of hippies were getting saved and to tell you

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the truth it pretty much scared me I didn't know

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how to respond to them I didn't know much about

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them But as we started interacting with them,

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God opened my heart and Buddy's heart and gave

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us both a love for these kids. I didn't preach,

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but I was able to talk one -on -one to the many

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young girls and share with them the truth of

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what God had shown me so far. And I helped them

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through difficult situations. I wasn't on a platform

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or high profile, but it was just God using me

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in a different way. It looked different, but

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it was no less important. A scripture that has

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come so alive in me is Psalms 91. If we abide

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and dwell in his secret place, in his shadow,

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there I will find refuge. For he is my fortress.

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And no matter what I'm going through, I can go

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to that fortress and seek him and seek his help.

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I can trust him. And he would be my deliverer

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from the snare of the devil. And he will be.

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My shield. Yeah, I love that, Carolyn. You know,

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your story reminds me of 1 Corinthians 12, how

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every member of the body of Christ matters, even

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if we're not always in the spotlight. You know,

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over the years, even you've had some miraculous

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experiences. I'm sure this is why Psalm 91 is

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so meaningful to you, where God clearly intervened.

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He clearly intervened to protect and preserve

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you. Share a couple of those stories with us,

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because they're so encouraging, how God is with

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us always, even, you know, even when we're not.

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you know, necessarily doing ministry and we're

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just living life. He's still there. Oh, wow.

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Through the years, the Lord has absolutely protected

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me from death. And it was like the enemy had

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a vendetta against me, did not want me to reach

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my potential and what God wanted me to do. And

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through the years, As these things were happening,

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I remember telling the Lord one time, I said,

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God, I can't tell anyone this stuff is happening.

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They wouldn't believe me. And then the Lord dropped

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in my heart that I was under his divine protection

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and that he was with me. I'll tell you two instances.

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The first time I realized that God really was

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my protector was back in 1969. My oldest daughter,

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she was a year old and she was in a stroller.

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And I put her, well, this was before the laws

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of not having a stroller on an escalator. So

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we stepped on the escalator and we were about

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halfway up. And I lost my footing. And I started

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going back. And I was pretty far back. And I

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was taking the stroller with me. And I felt a

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hand on my back. And it drew me back up. And

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when I got situated and safe, I turned around

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to thank that person. And no one was there. And

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we get to the top of the stairs. But he's helping

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me get off. And he says, my goodness, what happened

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to you? You're white as a sheet. And I just said,

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I've got to go sit down because I knew what had

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happened. Nothing like that had ever happened

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to me before. About 2022, I was coming out of

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Dallas on Interstate 45, heading south toward

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Houston. There was a ton of traffic and three

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lanes of incredible traffic. Everyone going about

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75 miles an hour. All of a sudden, the vehicle

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in front of me started stopping on a dime, trying

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to miss all this debris that was coming out of

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a truck or something that was in front of them.

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And we're usually a couple of seconds behind

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that kind of happening. And I started stopping,

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but I could not stop. I could not stop. And I

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remember the bumper right there. I never hit

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that person's bumper, but I remember being on

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the bumper. And then looking back quickly, I

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saw the car behind me. It was trying to stop.

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It was coming sideways, and it was just shaking

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violently, trying to stop. And in that moment,

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all of a sudden, I was... From that position

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of being totally squished to being way out front

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of all the traffic. There was nothing in front

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of me and there was a lot of highway between

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me and the traffic that God got me out of there.

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Do not know what happened. I'm just thankful

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that it happened. But in that moment, from being

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from behind that car to being in front of all

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the traffic, I briefly saw a very small box I

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was in. And I saw clear. gray, puffy clouds on

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the side, and the bottom was black. So whatever

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God did, which I don't know if I went through,

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over, around, I don't know. God performed a miracle

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for me. And I had to go to the next town and

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find a store that could... I could buy a small

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can of ginger ale. My stomach was a little nauseous.

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And I had to sit there and drink the ginger ale.

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And I talked to God. And I was weeping, knowing

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that God had saved my life. And he had done that

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numerous times. Yeah, that reminds me of a story.

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My parents were in a car, similar situation,

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one time driving down in Florida, driving down.

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It wasn't an interstate. It was a road. And somebody

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pulled out right in front of them going across

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the road. And there was no way they could stop.

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They were going to hit this person head on. And,

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you know, they just called out Jesus. And the

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next thing they knew, they were on the other

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side of the car, looked back, and the car was

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still sitting there in the middle of the road.

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There's no way they could have gone around it.

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And it's like the Lord just picked him up and

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put him on the other side. Wow. Doesn't always

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happen for us, but occasionally. You know, the

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Lord has a purpose and he does these miraculous

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things to to preserve us and save us. And boy,

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looking back at those moments, Carolyn, they

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really seem to underline that God has a unique

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purpose for your life. And I especially I especially

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love the story you told me about how fuel ministry

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in Humboldt got started for. And for those who

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don't, yeah, for those who haven't heard it,

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maybe you can share a little bit about what Fuel

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was and how God used you. Back in 2000, we were

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having a meeting, me and Buddy and my daughter

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Sherry and her husband Mike in Buddy's office.

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And we were talking about the ministry and what

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we saw maybe in the future or where God may be

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leading us and all of this. And God gave me a...

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It's just like a picture. I saw a youth band

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on the corner in downtown historical district

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of Humboldt, Texas. It's part of Houston. And

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Humboldt Oil is now Exxon Mobil Oil. But anyway,

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it was an oil town at one time. But I saw this

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band on the corner. And so we all got up immediately

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and we went downtown to where it was. And we

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were walking around and all of a sudden me and

00:16:27.799 --> 00:16:30.440
Mike and Sherry, we said, where's Buddy? Where'd

00:16:30.440 --> 00:16:35.120
he go? And he was at the next corner looking

00:16:35.120 --> 00:16:42.200
at a building. It was the oldest standing Texaco

00:16:42.200 --> 00:16:47.769
gas station still around that area. But it had

00:16:47.769 --> 00:16:52.690
been built onto and it was now a cafe. It was

00:16:52.690 --> 00:16:56.549
not even for sale. And he said, this is the place.

00:16:56.649 --> 00:17:01.730
And it was on the corner. Like my picture showed

00:17:01.730 --> 00:17:07.410
me a corner of a band. And so to make a very

00:17:07.410 --> 00:17:11.690
long story short, God helped us to acquire that.

00:17:12.559 --> 00:17:16.680
through the generosity of a friend of ours, and

00:17:16.680 --> 00:17:19.539
we put all of our savings into that, me and Buddy.

00:17:19.980 --> 00:17:26.500
And so we bought it, and it became a music venue.

00:17:27.059 --> 00:17:30.400
We were Christians, but the ones that came in

00:17:30.400 --> 00:17:32.920
did not have to be Christians, but their songs

00:17:32.920 --> 00:17:36.359
had to be clean, or they'd get unplugged. We

00:17:36.359 --> 00:17:41.019
eventually started a management training program.

00:17:42.299 --> 00:17:47.000
And someone had dubbed that program, not from

00:17:47.000 --> 00:17:50.339
our ministry, but from another ministry. And

00:17:50.339 --> 00:17:53.940
he said, wow, you guys are doing pre -conversion

00:17:53.940 --> 00:17:57.339
discipleship. We hadn't thought of it. We were

00:17:57.339 --> 00:17:59.339
just trying to win them to God, and we were teaching

00:17:59.339 --> 00:18:05.440
them all this stuff. And some of them, they got

00:18:05.440 --> 00:18:12.009
saved. They stayed out of trouble and went on

00:18:12.009 --> 00:18:16.829
to college. And that season was over in 2013.

00:18:17.430 --> 00:18:21.210
And alongside that, we eventually bought a house

00:18:21.210 --> 00:18:26.490
that we could add to square footage to have a

00:18:26.490 --> 00:18:32.589
skate park. And we did an identical thing there

00:18:32.589 --> 00:18:38.039
at that skateboard park. Humble Skate Park. Share

00:18:38.039 --> 00:18:39.960
how you even had the vision for that skate park.

00:18:40.119 --> 00:18:42.319
Share that story because that's a sweet story,

00:18:42.440 --> 00:18:47.299
I think. We lived down the street from Fuel and

00:18:47.299 --> 00:18:51.680
I was looking out the front window and I saw

00:18:51.680 --> 00:18:56.779
these two boys that they were talking to a policeman.

00:18:57.319 --> 00:19:00.740
So it kind of pricked my ears and I was watching

00:19:00.740 --> 00:19:04.640
and he was telling them they could not have a

00:19:04.640 --> 00:19:09.119
half pipe. In the street, even though it's right

00:19:09.119 --> 00:19:12.900
there at the curb of their front yard, they couldn't

00:19:12.900 --> 00:19:17.079
do that in the street. And if you know skateboarding,

00:19:17.079 --> 00:19:21.140
a half pipe is, well, I can't explain it. Anyway,

00:19:21.240 --> 00:19:25.059
forget that part. It's a curve thing that they

00:19:25.059 --> 00:19:30.140
go up. Curved wall. So I went out there and I

00:19:30.140 --> 00:19:32.339
was just, I just wanted to be with the boys.

00:19:32.460 --> 00:19:35.539
They were our next door neighbor. And I wanted

00:19:35.539 --> 00:19:41.559
to be with the boys and just be kind of a strength

00:19:41.559 --> 00:19:45.380
to them as the policeman was giving them the

00:19:45.380 --> 00:19:48.160
fact they can't do what they were doing. So when

00:19:48.160 --> 00:19:50.799
the policeman left, I went and got cookies and

00:19:50.799 --> 00:19:54.160
something for them to drink. And I was talking

00:19:54.160 --> 00:19:57.200
to them. I said, look, let me go call Buddy and

00:19:57.200 --> 00:20:00.609
Mike. And they knew who they were. So I called

00:20:00.609 --> 00:20:03.049
Buddy and Mike and I said, look, you've got to

00:20:03.049 --> 00:20:06.470
come home here. These kids, they got in trouble

00:20:06.470 --> 00:20:08.730
with the police. I want you to come and talk

00:20:08.730 --> 00:20:12.529
to them. And so through a lot of discussion and

00:20:12.529 --> 00:20:17.710
prayer and a lot of things happening, we opened

00:20:17.710 --> 00:20:22.390
a skateboard park where the same thing that we

00:20:22.390 --> 00:20:25.630
were doing in Fuel, we did at the skate park.

00:20:26.859 --> 00:20:31.579
And all of that came to an end about the season.

00:20:31.660 --> 00:20:34.980
That season was over in our ministry about 2013.

00:20:36.339 --> 00:20:38.380
But, you know, what stands out to me about that

00:20:38.380 --> 00:20:41.000
story is how God used you to plant that vision.

00:20:41.119 --> 00:20:43.099
Even though you weren't running the day -to -day

00:20:43.099 --> 00:20:47.720
operations, you identified a need and God moved

00:20:47.720 --> 00:20:50.200
through that. You know, at that time, you may

00:20:50.200 --> 00:20:51.940
not have realized the importance of your role,

00:20:52.059 --> 00:20:54.819
but now I'm sure you look back and see his hand

00:20:54.819 --> 00:20:58.849
so clearly. You know, as somebody who's walked

00:20:58.849 --> 00:21:00.470
with the Lord for so many years like you have,

00:21:00.549 --> 00:21:03.369
Carolyn, how has your relationship with the Lord

00:21:03.369 --> 00:21:06.230
grown and deepened through these various seasons?

00:21:06.730 --> 00:21:11.609
Just becoming more intimate and more intimate.

00:21:11.650 --> 00:21:15.589
You know, the more that you learn about God,

00:21:15.690 --> 00:21:18.069
the more you want to know more because you know

00:21:18.069 --> 00:21:22.369
there's so much more. No one can ever exhaust

00:21:22.369 --> 00:21:27.470
knowing and learning about God. And we cannot

00:21:27.470 --> 00:21:31.529
ever exhaust the fact that we need to change

00:21:31.529 --> 00:21:36.230
with the information that we're given. We never

00:21:36.230 --> 00:21:40.150
cease to be able to. We never reach a point of

00:21:40.150 --> 00:21:44.269
being there. You know what I mean? We never get

00:21:44.269 --> 00:21:46.809
there until we get to heaven. And still we're

00:21:46.809 --> 00:21:50.289
going to be learning. But it's an ever -growing

00:21:50.289 --> 00:21:53.609
thing. And we have to be intentional about it.

00:21:53.930 --> 00:21:57.779
And we have to just. Just rely totally on the

00:21:57.779 --> 00:22:01.779
Lord. And as we grow, he does this stuff for

00:22:01.779 --> 00:22:05.180
us. He gives me pictures of different things.

00:22:05.299 --> 00:22:08.519
He's done that through my life. Different pictures

00:22:08.519 --> 00:22:11.980
in different situations. And in this situation,

00:22:12.259 --> 00:22:17.779
he showed me the band. He showed me the skate

00:22:17.779 --> 00:22:23.970
park before it was even there. So as we learn

00:22:23.970 --> 00:22:29.410
and as we grow, God shows us things when we are

00:22:29.410 --> 00:22:32.869
open. Yeah. So what are some of the, I don't

00:22:32.869 --> 00:22:35.250
know, some of the specific steps maybe that the

00:22:35.250 --> 00:22:39.549
Lord showed you over the course of your walk

00:22:39.549 --> 00:22:44.049
with him that allowed you that greater intimacy?

00:22:44.670 --> 00:22:48.720
Oh, wow. One of them is forgiveness. How we have

00:22:48.720 --> 00:22:51.700
to forgive others. And it's not for our benefit.

00:22:51.819 --> 00:22:53.720
Well, it's not for the other people's benefit.

00:22:53.839 --> 00:22:57.299
It's for our benefit. And that's what God requires

00:22:57.299 --> 00:23:01.859
of us. You know, in the 23rd Psalm, it shows,

00:23:01.960 --> 00:23:06.359
forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.

00:23:06.920 --> 00:23:10.779
And then in Matthew, after the Lord's Prayer,

00:23:10.940 --> 00:23:13.920
the Lord immediately goes back in to talking

00:23:13.920 --> 00:23:19.410
about forgiveness, forgiving others. And I grew

00:23:19.410 --> 00:23:23.829
more from that, I think, than anything else.

00:23:24.529 --> 00:23:27.809
Because I kept praying, God, I don't want to

00:23:27.809 --> 00:23:33.130
be bitter. I want to be better. And the difference

00:23:33.130 --> 00:23:38.450
in those spellings is an I and the E. The I is

00:23:38.450 --> 00:23:43.349
all about me. My, mine, I deserve, I want. We

00:23:43.349 --> 00:23:46.420
become bitter and it's like a cancer. But when

00:23:46.420 --> 00:23:51.660
we release it to God, the E stands for eternal

00:23:51.660 --> 00:23:57.980
God. It's all about God. And so we start learning

00:23:57.980 --> 00:24:02.299
and growing. And as we read, we're still learning

00:24:02.299 --> 00:24:05.319
and growing. And we have to just open our heart

00:24:05.319 --> 00:24:10.240
to God. And it was the main thing for me was

00:24:10.240 --> 00:24:15.019
to. Forgive others. And then that's in Matthew

00:24:15.019 --> 00:24:22.259
6. In Matthew 7, it said, doing the will of God.

00:24:22.680 --> 00:24:25.400
Only those that do the will of God will see the

00:24:25.400 --> 00:24:31.900
Lord. And also in 6, it says that if we do not

00:24:31.900 --> 00:24:35.319
forgive others, God will not forgive us. And

00:24:35.319 --> 00:24:38.720
many will say, but Lord, I did all these things

00:24:38.720 --> 00:24:40.839
in your name. I did this, that, and the other.

00:24:41.440 --> 00:24:45.680
And God will tell us, depart from me, you worker

00:24:45.680 --> 00:24:50.039
of iniquity. I never knew you. So it's vital.

00:24:50.640 --> 00:24:55.400
It's vital that we forgive and that we give God

00:24:55.400 --> 00:25:01.630
our will and we become holy as he is holy. And

00:25:01.630 --> 00:25:04.750
that's how God sees us holy is us doing his will,

00:25:04.890 --> 00:25:08.349
living up to all that we know. And we're constantly

00:25:08.349 --> 00:25:12.369
learning and we constantly are changing. We are

00:25:12.369 --> 00:25:15.369
becoming holy as he is holy. Yeah. You know,

00:25:15.369 --> 00:25:17.190
sometimes we, you know, we look at some of these

00:25:17.190 --> 00:25:19.349
things that God commands us to do in scripture,

00:25:19.529 --> 00:25:21.549
right? And it's like, I don't know how I can

00:25:21.549 --> 00:25:24.029
do that. I don't have the strength within me,

00:25:24.109 --> 00:25:26.609
but it reminds me of the verse in Philippians

00:25:26.609 --> 00:25:31.309
2 that says, God works in us to both will. and

00:25:31.309 --> 00:25:34.789
do his good pleasure. So, you know, when we are

00:25:34.789 --> 00:25:38.750
constantly going to the Lord and reading his

00:25:38.750 --> 00:25:41.950
word and laying down our preferences before the

00:25:41.950 --> 00:25:45.670
Lord, it allows Holy Spirit to work in us to

00:25:45.670 --> 00:25:51.289
change what we want even. And then gives us the

00:25:51.289 --> 00:25:54.730
strength to do what he's asking us to do. So,

00:25:54.730 --> 00:25:57.710
you know, when we feel overwhelmed, when we feel

00:25:57.710 --> 00:26:01.390
inadequate, it's okay, Lord. And I pray this

00:26:01.390 --> 00:26:05.609
often. God, work in me to will and do your good

00:26:05.609 --> 00:26:09.450
pleasure. That's my desire, Lord. I don't necessarily,

00:26:10.109 --> 00:26:12.609
my flesh doesn't necessarily want that, but my

00:26:12.609 --> 00:26:16.710
spirit wants that. And I am going to follow what

00:26:16.710 --> 00:26:20.210
my spirit wants, which is you, God. Yes. You

00:26:20.210 --> 00:26:25.619
know, when we first come to the Lord, It says

00:26:25.619 --> 00:26:29.119
everything changes and everything becomes new.

00:26:29.200 --> 00:26:33.559
That's our heart and our desire to want to follow

00:26:33.559 --> 00:26:39.200
God. But he doesn't show us at that time everything

00:26:39.200 --> 00:26:43.279
that we've got to change. It overwhelms us. So

00:26:43.279 --> 00:26:47.640
God loves us so much that he shows us one thing

00:26:47.640 --> 00:26:52.960
at a time. And as we are obedient to that, he

00:26:52.960 --> 00:26:56.890
shows us another. From glory to glory, He's changing

00:26:56.890 --> 00:27:01.569
us. And as He continues to show us and we're

00:27:01.569 --> 00:27:05.009
growing and we become more intimate with Him,

00:27:05.190 --> 00:27:08.849
we are becoming holy as He is holy. Yeah, that's

00:27:08.849 --> 00:27:12.349
a great truth, isn't it? So encouraging. You

00:27:12.349 --> 00:27:14.670
know, the growing intimacy that you have had

00:27:14.670 --> 00:27:17.509
with the Lord really became a foundation for

00:27:17.509 --> 00:27:20.089
you when Buddy went home to be with the Lord.

00:27:20.190 --> 00:27:22.630
And, you know, he was such a steadfast, godly

00:27:22.630 --> 00:27:26.509
presence in your life. Yes. That loss could have

00:27:26.509 --> 00:27:28.809
shaken everything. Oh, my goodness. Oh, yes.

00:27:29.150 --> 00:27:32.869
You know, him being older than me, he was nine

00:27:32.869 --> 00:27:35.869
and a half years older than me. And him being

00:27:35.869 --> 00:27:41.109
older, I knew probably he would go before me.

00:27:42.470 --> 00:27:45.170
And I always thought, oh, it's going to be so

00:27:45.170 --> 00:27:48.009
hot. You know, it's going to be, I'm going to

00:27:48.009 --> 00:27:53.269
be a mess. But you know, when it happened, I...

00:27:53.640 --> 00:27:59.740
I was shocked. And God held me together, literally

00:27:59.740 --> 00:28:05.819
held me together. And I never lost hope from

00:28:05.819 --> 00:28:09.220
the very beginning. I never lost hope in God

00:28:09.220 --> 00:28:12.119
that he would see me through and that I could

00:28:12.119 --> 00:28:18.960
trust him. So when it happened, he was preaching

00:28:18.960 --> 00:28:26.690
one Sunday in April. of 2017 and he had an aneurysm

00:28:26.690 --> 00:28:31.410
and he passed away 20 hours later when he passed

00:28:31.410 --> 00:28:41.130
away the Lord was so with me I was able to take

00:28:41.130 --> 00:28:44.990
with the help of my family and friends we put

00:28:44.990 --> 00:28:49.829
together the funeral And the burial plots, which

00:28:49.829 --> 00:28:52.650
we did not have the money for nor had any, you

00:28:52.650 --> 00:28:56.009
know, we didn't have any burial plots. And we

00:28:56.009 --> 00:29:00.690
had a friend come and buy two burial plots, one

00:29:00.690 --> 00:29:05.369
for me and one for Buddy, and a headstone. And

00:29:05.369 --> 00:29:09.369
paid for the funeral. And after we buried him,

00:29:09.589 --> 00:29:14.069
and we were eating with family and friends that

00:29:14.069 --> 00:29:19.640
evening. The Lord dropped in my heart that God

00:29:19.640 --> 00:29:26.960
had prolonged Buddy's life 46 years so he could

00:29:26.960 --> 00:29:31.400
mentor me, the children, and he literally mentored

00:29:31.400 --> 00:29:35.579
people around the world. What happened 46 years

00:29:35.579 --> 00:29:41.269
before, he had a vain thing going on. And God

00:29:41.269 --> 00:29:43.690
miraculously healed him. That's a whole different

00:29:43.690 --> 00:29:47.549
story I won't go into. But God healed him of

00:29:47.549 --> 00:29:51.650
this vain thing in his head. And this aneurysm

00:29:51.650 --> 00:29:55.210
that he had was in his brain. It was after all

00:29:55.210 --> 00:29:58.109
of this, God held me together. And he keeps holding

00:29:58.109 --> 00:30:01.049
me together. He never let go of me. But it was

00:30:01.049 --> 00:30:05.190
after everything was done that I started grieving.

00:30:05.569 --> 00:30:11.180
And during the grieving, I had heard that usually

00:30:11.180 --> 00:30:15.720
people go through a period of anger. And I remember

00:30:15.720 --> 00:30:17.940
going to God and I said, God, I don't want to

00:30:17.940 --> 00:30:21.759
be angry. I don't want to be angry at you. I

00:30:21.759 --> 00:30:27.019
don't want to be angry at anyone. And he held

00:30:27.019 --> 00:30:34.359
me together. You have to cry and grieve, but

00:30:34.359 --> 00:30:39.799
we do not have to despair. I never lost hope.

00:30:42.299 --> 00:30:48.660
And at that time, my intimacy with God so deepened,

00:30:48.660 --> 00:30:52.799
seeing how he was taking care of me, a widow,

00:30:52.880 --> 00:31:00.339
financially, my well -being, practical things.

00:31:04.019 --> 00:31:08.569
God loves the widows and the orphans. And his

00:31:08.569 --> 00:31:13.490
heart is very tender toward the widows and the

00:31:13.490 --> 00:31:17.630
orphans. So God does take care of us. You know,

00:31:17.650 --> 00:31:21.150
losing a spouse can make anyone feel vulnerable,

00:31:21.430 --> 00:31:24.210
uncertain. But I just, I love how you respond

00:31:24.210 --> 00:31:26.190
to Carolyn. I mean, you grieved. Of course you

00:31:26.190 --> 00:31:29.690
grieved. But you had hope. You had, you didn't

00:31:29.690 --> 00:31:32.509
despair. You know, and you told the Lord you

00:31:32.509 --> 00:31:35.500
do. Whatever he asked. I mean, you know, he helped

00:31:35.500 --> 00:31:37.720
you not be angry. I mean, you grieved, but you

00:31:37.720 --> 00:31:40.299
didn't have that anger that so often accompanies

00:31:40.299 --> 00:31:42.660
grief. It's a natural, normal part of grief.

00:31:43.039 --> 00:31:45.039
But the Lord allowed you to go through it without

00:31:45.039 --> 00:31:48.039
that intense anger. Absolutely. After the deep

00:31:48.039 --> 00:31:49.720
part of your grief was over, you said, Lord,

00:31:49.799 --> 00:31:52.359
I'm going to do whatever you ask. And he took

00:31:52.359 --> 00:31:54.200
you up. He took you up on that in some unexpected

00:31:54.200 --> 00:31:56.660
ways. And, you know, some of our listeners may

00:31:56.660 --> 00:32:00.200
not be. familiar with Agape Force. It was a while

00:32:00.200 --> 00:32:04.619
ago. So just share what God asked you to do in

00:32:04.619 --> 00:32:08.140
that season and about Agape Force and what he

00:32:08.140 --> 00:32:12.279
did through it. Well, after Buddy passed and

00:32:12.279 --> 00:32:15.960
there was a little time there, I told God one

00:32:15.960 --> 00:32:20.500
day in my prayer time before him that I would

00:32:20.500 --> 00:32:24.750
do anything and go anywhere. that he wanted me

00:32:24.750 --> 00:32:29.029
to. I did not want to stand by on the sidelines

00:32:29.029 --> 00:32:33.049
and watching life go by. I wanted to be involved

00:32:33.049 --> 00:32:38.609
in his ministry, what he wanted me to do. Buddy

00:32:38.609 --> 00:32:41.430
and I had prayed for years and years and years

00:32:41.430 --> 00:32:51.809
for revival, transforming revival to hit this

00:32:51.809 --> 00:32:58.430
land. And I still pray for it. But about two

00:32:58.430 --> 00:33:03.369
years ago, this next August or September, God

00:33:03.369 --> 00:33:07.309
laid on my heart to do a reunion for the Agape

00:33:07.309 --> 00:33:11.690
Force. Now, the Agape Force was in the 70s and

00:33:11.690 --> 00:33:15.910
80s. And it was a disciple. They had discipleship

00:33:15.910 --> 00:33:19.190
training. And they sent teams out. And it was

00:33:19.190 --> 00:33:25.799
a vibrant ministry. It's not here anymore. And

00:33:25.799 --> 00:33:32.839
so God asked me to put together a reunion. And

00:33:32.839 --> 00:33:36.279
I couldn't believe he asked me that because that

00:33:36.279 --> 00:33:41.900
is not my forte. But I said, OK, God, I will

00:33:41.900 --> 00:33:45.039
do it. And so I started getting a hold of people

00:33:45.039 --> 00:33:50.400
and we got a theme of the reunion that we it

00:33:50.400 --> 00:33:53.589
was to be we were going to. Redig the wells of

00:33:53.589 --> 00:33:58.430
revival that happened in that whole area. And

00:33:58.430 --> 00:34:05.410
to be repairer of the breach. There were some

00:34:05.410 --> 00:34:07.589
hard feelings and things happened. You know how

00:34:07.589 --> 00:34:17.769
that goes. Yeah. And so God just worked it all

00:34:17.769 --> 00:34:22.079
out. We had three incredible days. And the last

00:34:22.079 --> 00:34:25.880
day we took communion and people were apologizing

00:34:25.880 --> 00:34:29.960
to people. People were renewing their friendships.

00:34:31.159 --> 00:34:34.900
Breaches were being put, you know, God was healing

00:34:34.900 --> 00:34:40.900
these things. And so then I come back home and

00:34:40.900 --> 00:34:44.559
God tells me to pack my bags. And I said, what?

00:34:46.059 --> 00:34:48.559
And it's the second time he's told me to pack

00:34:48.559 --> 00:34:51.599
and I didn't know where we were going. But this

00:34:51.599 --> 00:34:54.119
is the first time by myself. The first time was

00:34:54.119 --> 00:34:59.199
with Buddy. This is the second time. And so I

00:34:59.199 --> 00:35:02.039
did and I put all my stuff in storage because

00:35:02.039 --> 00:35:05.460
I didn't know what I was going to be doing and

00:35:05.460 --> 00:35:07.539
someone else was going to be moving into that

00:35:07.539 --> 00:35:10.880
house. And so I had put my stuff in storage and

00:35:10.880 --> 00:35:16.920
God sent me back to Lindale. to pray over that

00:35:16.920 --> 00:35:21.579
land, that revival would come back to that land.

00:35:21.699 --> 00:35:28.340
And God let me talk to the ministry leaders,

00:35:28.699 --> 00:35:34.460
me, a woman, talking to ministry leaders. But

00:35:34.460 --> 00:35:39.260
they loved me and they listened to me. And then

00:35:39.260 --> 00:35:42.460
after nine months, God told me to come back to

00:35:42.460 --> 00:35:46.710
Houston area. And I've heard some incredible

00:35:46.710 --> 00:35:52.070
stuff that's happened up there of apologies taking

00:35:52.070 --> 00:35:57.090
place and healings of relationships taking place.

00:35:57.590 --> 00:36:01.349
I didn't see it before I left, and I wept when

00:36:01.349 --> 00:36:03.250
I left because I wanted to see the breakthrough.

00:36:03.690 --> 00:36:07.849
But I've heard since then. So here I am back

00:36:07.849 --> 00:36:12.230
in Houston, and I'm waiting for God's next appointment.

00:36:12.570 --> 00:36:16.570
I am not done. I'm not done. Amen. Well, it's,

00:36:16.570 --> 00:36:21.349
you know, it's amazing to think of, you know,

00:36:21.349 --> 00:36:24.670
there are so many people that God has doing behind

00:36:24.670 --> 00:36:27.530
the scenes things in the kingdom. that are so

00:36:27.530 --> 00:36:30.969
important. Those who are going and praying on

00:36:30.969 --> 00:36:35.110
site with insight, those who are speaking encouragement

00:36:35.110 --> 00:36:39.889
to leaders, those who are showing love to the

00:36:39.889 --> 00:36:42.090
neighbor, to the neighbor kids, that's birthing,

00:36:42.090 --> 00:36:46.400
that's birthing ministry. You know, You didn't

00:36:46.400 --> 00:36:48.260
even know it. You know, when we're obedient to

00:36:48.260 --> 00:36:49.920
the Lord in the simple things, in the little

00:36:49.920 --> 00:36:53.380
things, God takes it and does so much more than

00:36:53.380 --> 00:36:56.579
we could ever imagine. We all have a part. We're

00:36:56.579 --> 00:36:59.699
all part of the body. And some parts of the body

00:36:59.699 --> 00:37:03.519
have, you know, roles that are visible. And many

00:37:03.519 --> 00:37:05.900
parts of the body are invisible, but equally

00:37:05.900 --> 00:37:08.820
as important. So, Carolyn, before we close, is

00:37:08.820 --> 00:37:10.920
there any final encouragement you'd like to share

00:37:10.920 --> 00:37:13.320
with our listeners, especially those who might

00:37:13.320 --> 00:37:17.519
feel unseen or unsure? or inadequate for what

00:37:17.519 --> 00:37:20.679
God's calling them to do? Well, I learned that

00:37:20.679 --> 00:37:24.059
when I had these feelings, I started learning

00:37:24.059 --> 00:37:31.480
that they were not from God. That the enemy put

00:37:31.480 --> 00:37:35.539
those things in my mind and I didn't know for

00:37:35.539 --> 00:37:43.760
a long time how to stop them. But we've all sensed.

00:37:44.719 --> 00:37:48.940
These feelings, most of us have. And we were

00:37:48.940 --> 00:37:52.619
unsure and we totally felt inadequate, which

00:37:52.619 --> 00:37:56.619
I fight that even today. And I just go to God

00:37:56.619 --> 00:37:59.500
and say, God, if you call me to do this, you're

00:37:59.500 --> 00:38:02.360
going to have to equip me to do what you want

00:38:02.360 --> 00:38:05.639
me to do. And it's not in our strength that we

00:38:05.639 --> 00:38:11.260
do this. It's in the Lord's strength. First Peter.

00:38:12.519 --> 00:38:19.260
In the Passion Translation says, Pour out your

00:38:19.260 --> 00:38:24.360
worries and stress upon him and leave them there,

00:38:24.460 --> 00:38:29.900
for he always tenderly cares for you. And tenderly

00:38:29.900 --> 00:38:35.340
caring is God tenderly looking out for us. He

00:38:35.340 --> 00:38:40.019
loves us. He will give us hope and we can know

00:38:40.019 --> 00:38:43.800
without a shadow of a doubt that we have a future

00:38:43.800 --> 00:38:49.019
and a future with him and God's delight. He gets

00:38:49.019 --> 00:38:54.480
his most delight out of us totally and completely

00:38:54.480 --> 00:38:58.400
trusting in him and obeying and following what

00:38:58.400 --> 00:39:00.900
he wants us to do. Well, Carolyn, is there a

00:39:00.900 --> 00:39:03.619
woman in the Bible whose story has really spoken

00:39:03.619 --> 00:39:06.940
to you personally and how has her? Her story

00:39:06.940 --> 00:39:09.880
encouraged or shaped your own. It was Esther.

00:39:10.820 --> 00:39:13.679
She was a young woman. She was plucked out of

00:39:13.679 --> 00:39:16.940
obscurity and placed in a palace and eventually

00:39:16.940 --> 00:39:22.000
became a queen. And she had fierce trust in God.

00:39:22.820 --> 00:39:28.900
And God has let me have fierce trust in him.

00:39:30.900 --> 00:39:34.619
She asked to go before the king, knowing that

00:39:34.619 --> 00:39:37.389
she could die. I've been in situations before

00:39:37.389 --> 00:39:42.750
knowing it would not turn out well if I did it,

00:39:42.789 --> 00:39:45.309
but God said do it, and it turned out great.

00:39:46.329 --> 00:39:51.730
So she went before the king, and because he loved

00:39:51.730 --> 00:39:57.170
her and he saw her attributes, she was loving,

00:39:57.309 --> 00:40:00.809
loyal, she was gracious, but I don't think the

00:40:00.809 --> 00:40:06.829
king realized that. The whole time, her whole

00:40:06.829 --> 00:40:13.809
life was wrapped around God. And so he granted

00:40:13.809 --> 00:40:17.909
her her wish and a whole nation was saved because

00:40:17.909 --> 00:40:23.050
of her tenacity, because of her fierce trust

00:40:23.050 --> 00:40:28.090
in God. A whole nation was saved just by her

00:40:28.090 --> 00:40:30.929
being obedient. And there's no telling what any

00:40:30.929 --> 00:40:33.940
of us could. You know, how God can use any of

00:40:33.940 --> 00:40:38.579
our obedience to do in his kingdom. Yeah. I mean,

00:40:38.579 --> 00:40:41.579
I think of Esther and I think initially she was

00:40:41.579 --> 00:40:43.619
timid. She's like, I can't do it. I can't. What

00:40:43.619 --> 00:40:45.559
can I do? I can't go before the king. She was

00:40:45.559 --> 00:40:49.440
young. She was young. She felt inadequate. And,

00:40:49.440 --> 00:40:53.719
you know, Mordecai said, God has placed you for

00:40:53.719 --> 00:40:56.800
this thing. This is the reason you, you know,

00:40:56.800 --> 00:40:59.719
this is your calling. And then. For such a time

00:40:59.719 --> 00:41:02.230
as this. And then she said, OK. You're right.

00:41:02.949 --> 00:41:05.969
Okay. And that fierce tenacity came over her

00:41:05.969 --> 00:41:08.769
and she, she did what she needed to do, but it

00:41:08.769 --> 00:41:10.610
wasn't without that. And you know, what Satan

00:41:10.610 --> 00:41:13.570
was trying to say, no, no, like he does to all

00:41:13.570 --> 00:41:20.030
of us. But she overcame that. Yes. Yeah. Yes,

00:41:20.090 --> 00:41:23.030
she did. Well, you know, Carolyn's story reminds

00:41:23.030 --> 00:41:25.909
us that, that we don't have to have it all together

00:41:25.909 --> 00:41:28.730
to be used by God. In fact, it's often the opposite.

00:41:29.840 --> 00:41:32.920
Second Corinthians 12, 9, the New Living Translation

00:41:32.920 --> 00:41:37.539
says, my grace is all you need. My power works

00:41:37.539 --> 00:41:41.860
best in weakness. Amen. The very places we feel

00:41:41.860 --> 00:41:44.260
most unqualified are where God loves to reveal

00:41:44.260 --> 00:41:47.639
his strength. Paul echoes that in Philippians

00:41:47.639 --> 00:41:51.179
4, 13, the New King James Version says, I can

00:41:51.179 --> 00:41:52.980
do all things through Christ who strengthens

00:41:52.980 --> 00:41:56.989
me. Not some things, all things. Because it's

00:41:56.989 --> 00:41:59.590
not about our ability. It's about his empowering

00:41:59.590 --> 00:42:04.389
grace. And 1 Corinthians 1 .27, the New International

00:42:04.389 --> 00:42:06.750
Version, reminds us God chose the weak things

00:42:06.750 --> 00:42:10.090
of the world to shame the strong. I think of

00:42:10.090 --> 00:42:13.070
Balaam and his donkey, right? What a weak thing

00:42:13.070 --> 00:42:16.190
to shame the strong. No matter how inadequate

00:42:16.190 --> 00:42:18.909
you feel, you're never disqualified in God's

00:42:18.909 --> 00:42:23.329
eyes. He created us with purpose. As Ephesians

00:42:23.329 --> 00:42:26.329
2 .10 in the New Living Translation assures us,

00:42:26.409 --> 00:42:29.690
we are God's masterpiece. We are created in Christ

00:42:29.690 --> 00:42:33.170
Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in

00:42:33.170 --> 00:42:37.730
advance for us to do. Carolyn, thank you so much

00:42:37.730 --> 00:42:41.309
for sharing so vulnerably and powerfully today.

00:42:41.630 --> 00:42:43.690
And before we close, would you take a moment

00:42:43.690 --> 00:42:46.849
to pray for our listening friends? especially

00:42:46.849 --> 00:42:49.409
those who are struggling with feeling inadequate

00:42:49.409 --> 00:42:55.789
or unseen. Lord, I ask you right now to show

00:42:55.789 --> 00:43:00.829
each person listening who they are in you and

00:43:00.829 --> 00:43:05.829
that you see them as adequate and how you delight

00:43:05.829 --> 00:43:11.630
in taking care of them. And in your timing, you

00:43:11.630 --> 00:43:15.880
will answer their prayers. I pray that their

00:43:15.880 --> 00:43:19.000
trust and love grows as they learn more about

00:43:19.000 --> 00:43:23.280
you. You are more than willing to meet them where

00:43:23.280 --> 00:43:27.219
they are. You are our best friend, our shepherd.

00:43:27.599 --> 00:43:32.739
You give us more than enough. You offer a restful

00:43:32.739 --> 00:43:37.420
place for us in your luxurious love. You love

00:43:37.420 --> 00:43:47.780
us so much. You love them and that they are adequate

00:43:47.780 --> 00:43:53.760
and that they are enough. You restore our life.

00:43:54.559 --> 00:43:58.860
And we thank you totally that we can trust you.

00:43:59.980 --> 00:44:03.519
And we give all of these, all of our inadequacies

00:44:03.519 --> 00:44:05.820
that we are feeling, we give them to you. We

00:44:05.820 --> 00:44:09.119
lay them on the altar and we're not going to

00:44:09.119 --> 00:44:11.059
pick them back up and take them with us again.

00:44:12.300 --> 00:44:16.360
Lord, touch each one and I ask you this in the

00:44:16.360 --> 00:44:21.940
mighty name of Jesus. Amen. Amen. And friends,

00:44:21.940 --> 00:44:24.599
as we close, I want to speak a blessing over

00:44:24.599 --> 00:44:29.179
you. Adapted from Ephesians 3, 20 and 21. May

00:44:29.179 --> 00:44:33.039
the mighty God of all power and glory work in

00:44:33.039 --> 00:44:36.579
you to accomplish infinitely more than you could

00:44:36.579 --> 00:44:39.860
ask or think. And may that work in you bring

00:44:39.860 --> 00:44:43.920
glory to him now. and even in future generations.

00:44:45.420 --> 00:44:48.719
God's power is at work in you, even right now.

00:44:49.840 --> 00:44:52.619
Remember, you can visit HerGodStory .org for

00:44:52.619 --> 00:44:54.820
today's show notes, all the scripture we talked

00:44:54.820 --> 00:44:57.400
about, and to download your free six -week devotional

00:44:57.400 --> 00:44:59.900
on Women of the Bible. It's a great way to go

00:44:59.900 --> 00:45:02.739
deeper in your faith journey. And if today's

00:45:02.739 --> 00:45:04.840
episode encouraged you, consider partnering with

00:45:04.840 --> 00:45:07.280
us through the Widow and Orphan Fund. Just click

00:45:07.280 --> 00:45:10.159
Help Now on our site. It's very simple. If you

00:45:10.159 --> 00:45:13.239
need prayer, reach out. We're here for you. Call

00:45:13.239 --> 00:45:18.179
or text our 24 -7 prayer line at 855 -459 -CARE

00:45:18.179 --> 00:45:21.679
or email us at prayer at somebodycares .org.

00:45:22.019 --> 00:45:25.400
Until next time, walk boldly in the power and

00:45:25.400 --> 00:45:28.159
purpose God has placed within you. Remember,

00:45:28.360 --> 00:45:31.730
He is still writing your story. Her God Story

00:45:31.730 --> 00:45:34.469
is a ministry of Somebody Cares America and International.

00:45:34.909 --> 00:45:37.230
To find out more about or support the ministry,

00:45:37.429 --> 00:45:39.070
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