Weaponized Incompetence in Marriage and Long-Term Relationships
Weaponized Incompetence in Marriage and Long-Term Relationships
In marriage and long-term relationships, weaponized incompetence often becomes more entrenched over time. What may have started as occasional avoidance can slowly harden into fixed roles, where one partner carries the majority of responsibility while the other opts out.
Because long-term relationships involve shared homes, finances, and emotional investment, the cost of this imbalance is especially high.
How the Pattern Escalates Over Time
Early on, weaponized incompetence may look like:
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“I’m just not good at that.”
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“You’re better with details.”
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“Can you just handle it this once?”
Over years, these moments compound. One partner becomes the default planner, caretaker, and emotional stabilizer. The other grows increasingly dependent — not because they can’t contribute, but because they no longer have to.
👉 Start with the foundation: Weaponized Incompetence: Definition, Examples, and Signs
Emotional Intimacy and Resentment
When one partner consistently avoids responsibility, emotional intimacy erodes. The overfunctioning partner may feel:
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Taken for granted
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Lonely within the relationship
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More like a parent than a spouse
Resentment often builds silently, especially when attempts to address the imbalance are met with confusion or defensiveness.
When Narcissistic Dynamics Are Present
In marriages involving narcissistic traits, weaponized incompetence often protects entitlement. The narcissistic partner may expect care, admiration, and accommodation while refusing reciprocal effort.
Survivors may remain stuck not because they don’t see the pattern, but because leaving or challenging it carries emotional, financial, or psychological risk.
👉 Related support: Coping Strategies for Weaponized Incompetence Survivors
Final Thought
A healthy long-term relationship evolves toward shared responsibility. When effort flows in only one direction, the issue isn’t communication — it’s imbalance.
Host
Hi, I'm Brandon Chadwick!
In 2019, I began interviewing survivors of narcissistic and domestic abuse on my podcast, Narcissist Apocalypse. In that time, I've published over 120 survivor stories, interviewed countless experts in the field, from therapists, to lawyers, to domestic violence advocates and agencies.
My philosophy for the podcast was to be different, and to me, that meant to be real, not clinical. My goal was to help survivors tell/validate their own stories, but to also validate and teach other survivors through those stories. And a crazy thing happened, it worked.
Narcissist Apocalypse has grown beyond my wildest dreams. It now reaches upwards of 10,000 listeners an episode and it keeps growing every day. If you read the reviews on Apple Podcasts, you can see just how much of an impact the show has made in the lives of our community members. Yes, we are now a community.
Narcissist Apocalypse has evolved into something bigger. We've taken the philosophy of the podcast and have extended it to power our support groups. Narcissist Apocalypse isn't just me anymore. We are now a community. And that community is here to support you at every step of your healing process and beyond.
Being part of your lives and watching people grow in our support groups has been quite an honor. So I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for listening. And a big thank you for helping everyone feel less alone. Welcome to our community.
With Much Love,
Brandon Chadwick
