Oct. 8, 2024

Unlocking Work-Life Balance Inside-Out Strategies with Arlene Cohen Miller

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In this episode of Living the Dream with Curveball, we explore the art of work-life balance with Arlene Cohen Miller, a seasoned work-life balance coach. Arlene shares her journey from practicing law to becoming a transformational holistic counselor and coach. Discover how her unique approach to work-life balance from the inside out can transform your life. Learn about the power of gratitude, the importance of self-care, and practical meditation techniques. Arlene also discusses her current projects and offers valuable insights into maintaining harmony in our busy lives. Tune in to find inspiration and tools for a more balanced and fulfilling life.

Want to be a guest on Living the Dream with Curveball? Send Curtis Jackson a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/1628631536976x919760049303001600

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00:00:00.560 --> 00:00:28.809
> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Welcome, um, to the Living the Dream podcast with curveball. Um, if you believe you can achieve chi chi, welcome to the Living the Dream with Curveball podcast, a show where I interview guests that teach, motivate and inspire.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Today I am joined by work life balance coach, Arlene Cohen Miller. Arlene has a, uh, wealth of knowledge and training to help people live the lives that they want and lessen their stress and create more patience in their life.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>So we're going to be talking to her about everything that she's up to and how she does what she does and why she does what she does. So, Arlene, thank you so much for.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>Joining me today, and thank you for having me here. I'm really excited to be here with you.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Why don't you start off by telling everybody a little bit about yourself?

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>Okie dokie. Well, um, I started off in life. I grew up in Louisville, Kentucky, and my father was an entrepreneur. My mother was a stay at home mom. I have two brothers, I am the oldest of three. And when I was 15, I decided that I was going to go to law school, like the first ever in my family. And so that was a little bit of shock to my parents, but they were really supportive of me. And I did graduate from college and law school and I've had two, um, of my own businesses as an attorney. One is a solo practitioner in a suburb of Cleveland, Ohio.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>And I practice family law, like divorce and custody and stuff like that. And I also practice commercial law, helping businesses collect their debts.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>And, um, when I first opened my business, I found out I was pregnant. So I have been a mom the whole time. I've been, um, in business for myself. And so that came, um, with a lot of its own challenges. When he was nine years old, I sold the business to another law firm and I moved to a suburb of Denver, Colorado to be a partner in a small boutique law firm. And, um, I did that for many years. I really enjoyed it. But while I was, um, attorney practicing law, I got a diploma in transformational holistic counseling and in coaching and mentoring. I just felt, um, compelled to do so. I felt like it was really important.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>It could help my communication skills, it could help my negotiating skills, it could help me to be a better mother, a better boss. I just felt it could help me in all areas of my life and even personally. And we just decided to sell the law firm a few years ago and I opened my own business with coaching and mentoring and soul reading. And I, I'm located in, near Boulder, Colorado. Most of the stuff I do is online, and my company is now called Jewel Consultancy.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Absolutely. Congratulations on that. So, before we, when we were in the green room, you talked about how you do work life balance, coaching from the inside out.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Explain what that means.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>Well, what I found is that, you know, there's all kinds of, like, mom hacks and life hacks and work hacks where we can find ways to save time for ourselves so that we have more time to do what we enjoy or what we're choosing to do with our lives. And that's fantastic. I recommend those if they work for you. And that doesn't change how we feel on the inside. We can still have more time and still feel overwhelmed and frustrated, uh, because of everything that we have on our plates. So when we work with ourselves from the inside out, which is what I recommend for everybody and for the people that my clients, my students, people that come to my classes, is that we need to heal ourselves on the inside. And then we're going to have a different experience on the outside. Because if we ground, like, sacred qualities like patience and kindness and tolerance, and being loving and accepting with ourselves, first and foremost, and we know how to fill ourselves up with love and how to take care of ourselves in a loving way, then what we have to do, what's on our plate, is going to be a different experience. What used to be overwhelmed, it might be, you know, we might be able to handle things with more grace, ease, and flow. So how we feel on the outside, how we experience life on the inside, is going to greatly affect, I believe, and I've experienced that with myself and with the people I work with, how they experience life on the outside.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Well, you also say that gratitude and work life balance works together and coincides. Uh, why do you feel that way?

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>Well, I don't know anyone that's felt grateful for anything, I think could agree with me that when we're in a state of gratitude, it's like a really high vibration. It's like our heart lifts up and we're a whole different person.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>And when we are grateful for all the blessings in our life, when we are grateful simply being alive and breathing, and for all the little amazing things that happen every day where we just have a special moment or a special connection with somebody or we finish something, there's just all sorts of really beautiful things that happen every day of our lives if we pay attention. And that gratitude lifts us up and we have a new experience of life, and it also helps us to manifest in our lives what brings us joy, what lifts us up. Um, what causes us to, um, I don't know, just be experience life in a more uplifted kind of way. I know I'm using the same kind of words over and over, but what it does is it changes our experience of life, and that helps us to have that work life balanced, because we're in a totally different state. If we're all overwhelmed and upset and uptight, uh, and contracted, it's a totally different experience of being expanded and grateful and having more grace, ease, and flow. And when we're more expanded and grateful for all the blessings in our lives, everything seems to get easier, because that's what we're focused on, that's what we're moving towards, that's what we're aligning to. And it changes our experience of our life, even if we're facing the same kind of challenges and problems.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>So when you feel frustrated or overwhelmed, what is the first thing that you reach for?

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>Well, the first thing I reach for, it's not necessarily the first thing that everyone else reaches for, but for me personally, I play with breath work because if I get overwhelmed or frustrated or I feel like I've done so much and there's so much more to do, what my body is telling me is, hey, Arlene, it's time to take a break. You know, acknowledge yourself for what you've accomplished so far, even celebrate it. But let's find a way to bring your blood pressure down, allow you to feel more grounded into the planet, grounded in your body, centered in your heart. And an easy way to do that is just simple breathing techniques. And the reason I love breath work is because we all have to breathe. You know, if we're not breathing, we're going to die. And so, oftentimes, we can just simply practice this breath work, not as something separate, but as we're going about our day to day life. Because one simple breathing technique is simply breathing in through our nose and breathing out through our nose and having the out breath longer than the in breath. And we can be listening to a friend talk or at a business meeting or standing in line at the grocery store, and we can breathe like this, and no one's going to notice.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>And. And what it does is it oxygenates our body. And physiologically, it tells our body that it's okay to go from fight or flight response to rest. In relaxed mode, it's okay to release, to relax, and let go. Sometimes, maybe if we're really wound up, it's important to practice this breathing technique for five or ten minutes. So that we can really oxygenate ourselves and really begin to let go. Another thing that we can do simultaneously, um, is to really ground, because it's important if we want to let go of stress to be fully present here now. And I'm sure everyone's heard of that. But when we're fully present here now, for me, um, the visual for me, because I just love nature, is like, I visualize I'm a tree. Like, there's this column of light from my heart, down my body, down my legs, down my feet.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>These amazing roots of light come out of my feet into the ground, and they anchor into the deepest part of the heart of planet earth. And I allow myself to feel really grounded in my body and grounded into the planet. And when I'm fully present here now, in that way, I'm not worrying about the future. I'm not reminiscing or remorseful about the past. I'm right here, right now. And the place to be the least stressed and the most, um, calm and collected and grounded is when we're fully present here now.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>And I didn't make this up. This has been around, you know, for, like, as old as time itself. Um, I hope that makes sense to you.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>It makes perfect sense. So give us some best practice tips on some simple ways or simple things that we can do to upgrade our, uh, life experience.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>Well, a lot of the things that we can do to upgrade our life experience is stop doing what's not working. And, um, so it's not necessarily we need to add more. We need to stop doing what's not working. So one of the ways that we downgrade our life experience is to place unrealistic expectations on ourselves. Maybe we're in the habit of making a to do list that would take a whole week, and we're expecting ourselves to get them done in one day. Um, maybe it's we're placing expectations upon ourselves that we need to be perfect. And, you know, nobody in this whole world is perfect.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>We all make mistakes, though. We're absolutely setting ourselves up for failure, even if we don't tell ourselves, oh, I need to be perfect. There's that perfection thing running underneath the surface where we beat ourselves up if we make a mistake or we fall on our face and fail at something.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>And so what we can do in those situations is have a different attitude.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>And that attitude can be mistakes or opportunities to learn and grow. What can I learn from this mistake that I made?

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>Because we all make mistakes, but I want to learn and grow from it so that when I'm faced with something similar, I can do things differently next time. And then we can, like, visualize and see how that looks and feels with doing, uh, something in a similar situation, but behaving completely differently, having a different feeling experience, more loving and supportive so that when that occurs again, and it will not the same thing, but something similar, we can begin to create the foundation to have a new experience.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>And with that also comes, um, the goal and the idea of, you know, how am I talking to myself oftentimes? What I found in prior moments before I started working with all this and being able to help and work with other people is I had an inner critic that was on a rampage.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>She was talking to me all the time. She was constantly putting me down. And I don't know where. I mean, maybe I took it on from something that my parents said to me one time or my peer group or something a teacher said one time or something, some story that I told myself somewhere that I made up with something that happened. But I allowed that inner critic to become really anchored. And what we can do is really, really simple. And that is, most of us are really good with being kind, considerate, thoughtful, nurturing, supportive of people that we care about in our lives. And so if your best friend or someone you really loved and cared about was telling you the story that you've been telling yourself, what would you say to them? How would you nurture them? How would you support them? How would you champion them? And maybe how would you bring in a little bit of tough love if they needed to really let go of something that they've been holding on to for dear life that totally was not serving them. And when we do that, we affirm to ourselves, hey, I have these skills. I can turn them around, and I can give them to myself so that I can nurture and care for myself and turn disasters into blessings and allow mistakes to be opportunities to learn and grow and drop all these unrealistic expectations and start experiencing a life filled with more joy because I'm not doing as much in my life that's dragging me down and pulling me back.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Well, let's talk about self care. You know, if, uh, we are facing an event, feel busy day, give us some best practice tips on self care to make it through today.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>Well, I believe everyone really needs to feel into themselves of, you know, how can I take care of myself for me personally? You know, I make sure that I do a little bit of yoga, and maybe I go for a walk, I put good food in my body I make sure that I connect with or hang out with some people that I care about, just those little kind of things that nurture and care for me. Um, but some of my friends, you know, they love to garden, uh, they love to swim. There's all sorts of things that we individually associate with them. And so even if we have a family, there's always ways to bring that self care into our lives. And one simple way where we don't even need to go anywhere, is sometimes when I feel frustrated or angry or overwhelmed or upset. Instead of berating myself, I sort of stop and go.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>I wonder how old this aspect of Arlene is inside of me that's having this reaction, because I'm triggered here. And it doesn't really. It seems like the amount of my trigger and the amount of these feelings that are coming up that are not about love are disproportionate to what's going on in my life. And I just feel into that. And sometimes the younger bit of me is eight or ten or twelve or 24 or six. And then I just turn around and love that bit.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>Because my love as the adult, as the soul, is what this child needs that I judged somehow back somewhere, or she got stuck in time by something that happened previously. So I'll turn around, I'll wrap my arms around her, and I will apologize for not being there, and I will love her. Because sometimes when we have reactions and sometimes when we need to engage in self care, it's simply as simple as, how do I fill myself up with more love? How do I fill myself up with more kindness? And one of the ways to do this is to love the bits of ourselves that have been languishing inside of ourselves and really could use with our love.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>So, uh, often women tend to feel guilty when they take time for themselves. What would you say to those women who do feel guilty for taking time for themselves?

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>Well, you know, it kind of feels like it's genetic, you know, because I could see that in my grandmother, my mother's mother, and my mother, and I could see how it was passed down to me. And so I, you know, we can choose to take a different path. And I find that one of the ways that we can, you know, show ourselves that this is not true. Because, you know, if we don't fill ourselves up with love, if we don't take care of ourselves, if we don't nurture ourselves, we're going to have absolutely nothing to give to anybody else.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>We're going to get frustrated, we're going to be upset that we're always giving and never receiving. But the perfect person to give to us is ourselves first.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>Because when we come to everyone else with a full cup of love, we're able to give more. We're able to be a whole person. And so that's the bottom line. It's like, um. It's a pack of lies that's been sold to humanity. That it's selfish to love ourselves, that it's selfish to care for ourselves. And it's not just for women, it's for everybody. And it couldn't be further from the truth, because it just doesn't make any sense. How can I or how can you love someone if there's no love inside? Because we haven't been, you know, taking care of ourselves, that we haven't been filling ourselves up with love. And, you know, sometimes if they're really stuck, what I do is, I say is I help them to visualize what their life would look like and feel like 2510 years down the road, if they deprive themselves of self love and self care, whatever that means to them, and really feel and visualize how that would look. And then, on the other hand, feel and visualize how their life would be different or could be different if they're filling themselves up with self love and they're taking care of themselves as feels right for them on a day to day basis.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>So as a meditation facilitator, give us some best practice tips in general for life.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>So when, uh, I just want to tell people, tell your audience that you don't have to sit there and be in some position and not move and say some sort of mantra in order to meditate. There's all sorts of really cool meditations. And meditation is a form of mindfulness that helps us to release, relax, and let go, and come into a state where we more deeply appreciate ourselves, the people in our lives and our life. And one simple way of meditating is to go on a walk, like in nature, or wherever you can go close by.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>And it's not a power walk, it's just a walk where you're just looking around it, enjoying and appreciating the world that you're walking through.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>You maybe you find a really cool tree or some beautiful roses or flower bushes in the summer, and you're just appreciating everything that you feel. Another way that we can meditate, um, is to music.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>You know, music that, you know, not heavy metal that's not going to work, but something that's calming and soothing and um, you know, lights up our heart. There's, everyone has music that we just really love. And so when we bring that sort of quiet contemplation in our lives, or even we can be in a meditated state by journaling, there's just some things that have been bothering us or maybe some things we want to acknowledge and celebrate in our life, and we can just sort of do some of that breath work and then do some journaling, some writing, and be in a meditative, relaxed state when we are engaging in that.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>So, yes, there are tons of videos on YouTube and other places that can walk you through all kinds of meditations if you want to learn that. But if you're like, I don't think I can do that, that's too big of a step for me. We can either start with like five minutes of breath work like I just shared, or there's these different ways of mindful activities.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>Even painting or drawing or, um, pottery or something that you love. Working with, um, flowers and making a beautiful flower garden can be a mindful, meditative activity that helps us to release, relax, and let go and experience, like, a more expansive way of being in our life.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Tell us about any current or upcoming projects that you're working on that people need to be aware of.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>Um, I don't know if I have exactly a project. What I do is, um, that really makes my heart sing as I, I'm a work life balance, um, and harmony coach for women. So I work with women in coaching, and I work with men and women with transformational mentoring. So the difference between coaching and mentoring coaching is I'm walking alongside of you and I'm asking powerful questions. I'm sharing what I'm seeing and handing it back to you to see how you want to handle it and helping you come up with goals that you can work on to accomplish what you're choosing to accomplish in your life, hopefully with more grace, ease and flow and a lot less stress. And with mentoring, basically, I'm sharing my wisdom with you in a way that you can apply the skills and tools that I've learned along the way so that I can have a different experience and so can you.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>And so that's what I'm really working with a lot, uh, nowadays. I'm also doing the podcast stuff, which I really love. I really love talking to people like you and sharing what I do or sharing my story so that I can reach a wider audience and get people with more tools so that they can help themselves and have a different experience of life. So I guess that's what I'd like to share, um, with your audience.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Well, so people can keep up with everything that you're up to. Throw out your contact information.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>So, yeah, um, just check out my website.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>Um, it's jewel consultancy, j e w e L. Like the diamond consultancy.com. and if you google my whole name, Arlene Cohen Miller, then you can. My name will come up and it'll show you all the places you can find me, you know, on the Internet, like LinkedIn and Instagram and Facebook and places like that, which I would love to hear from you. But, uh, if you are interested in more of what I do or just want to learn a little bit more about me and what I could offer you or just read some stuff, I have a whole. On my website, I have an amazing blog, hundreds of articles, all different kind of topics that's all free. I also have videos on my website to help you with being calm and collected and relaxed, and also, um, about leadership skills. So those things are available for free, ah, on my website for your audience.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>All right. Jewelconsultancy.com, the website, close us out with some final thoughts.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Maybe if that was something I forgot to touch on, that you would like to talk about, or just any final thoughts you have for the listeners?

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>Um, yeah, I'd like to give your listeners, like, a quote that would be helpful, maybe to live by. And that's any disaster can be turned into a blessing. Any blessing can be turned into a disaster. And there's always a better way. And so the feeling behind that is that if you're experiencing a heartbreaking time, if you're experiencing a really difficult time, there's always a way that you can begin to turn that disaster, that really difficult, heartbreaking time in your life, into a blessing, to find a way to give back because of what you're experiencing. And it's also. And any blessing can become, can be turned into a disaster. It's about, you know, don't forget to be grateful. When we're really grateful for all the blessings in our life, we're not going to mess up and throw away the good things that we have created that are helpful and supportive and to be mindful of that as well. And also that there always is a better way because you are, we are all always evolving, growing and changing. So one amazing thing that you accomplished or that you experienced maybe this year or a couple years ago, it can be, uh, it can always be upgraded and become a higher, clearer, brighter experience for you because we're all, um, having an experience on this planet where things are changing and we're not the same person that we were yesterday. And so that those new opportunities, those new levels of growth and expansion and experience are always open to you, to all of us.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>All right, ladies and gentlemen, there you have it.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Chillconsultancy.com. please check out everything that Arlene's up to. And if you know somebody that can benefit from her services, or if you can make sure you share this with other people, don't keep it to yourself. Follow rate review and share jump on your favorite podcast app. Give us a follow give us a review share the episode if you have any guests or suggestion topics, Curtis Jackson, 1978 at aTt.net is the place to send them to. Thank you for listening. And Arlene, thank you for all that you do, and thank you for joining us.

00:25:11.390 --> 00:25:14.269
> Arlene Cohen Miller>Thank you for having me. I really have enjoyed being here.

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> Arlene Cohen Miller>Thank you.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>For more information on the living the Dream podcast, visit www.djcurvefall.com.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>until next time, stay focused on living the dream. Dream.