Aug. 27, 2024

Navigating the Preteen Years: Insights from Marcus Higgs on the Living the Dream Podcast

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In this episode of Living the Dream with Curveball, host Curveball interviews Marcus Higgs from.
www.marcushiggs.com
Please be sure to follow, rate, review, and share this episode to as many people as possible.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Welcome, um, to the living the Dream podcast with curveball. Um, if you believe you can achieve Chee Chee, welcome to the living the dream with Curveball podcast, a show where I interview guests that teach, motivate, and inspire.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Today, we're going to be talking about being there for your preteens, ages ten through 14. You know, parents out there with preteens. Um, I am joined by Marcus Higgs, who is with certain future.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>And what they do is they specialize in helping parents be there for their preteens. Again, ages ten through 14, they help bridge the gap before it's too late. So we're going to be talking to Marcus about everything that they're up to and what the services that are provided by certain futures.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>So, Marcus, thank you so much for joining me today.

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> Marcus Higgs>Fergus, it's wonderful to be here. Thank you for sharing your platform. I'm looking forward to this conversation.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Absolutely. Why don't you start off by telling everybody a little bit about yourself?

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> Marcus Higgs>For sure. Yeah. Um, I studied communication at Oakwood University in Alabama.

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> Marcus Higgs>And straight way after that, I went to be actually a Bible teacher in South Korea, an English Bible teacher. And as I say, my view of the world expanded. Um, religion and spirituality has never been a burden for me.

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> Marcus Higgs>And actually, it's a bit of it about the work I do now. That's why I bring it up.

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> Marcus Higgs>But, um, I then went and taught out in the Middle East, Saudi Arabia, for two and a half years.

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> Marcus Higgs>I spent some time in Spain and then in Thailand.

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> Marcus Higgs>So I was a teacher in all these places, and I came out of the classroom and I still wanted to serve children. And Mister Roger said, if you want to support, if you want to help kids, support the parents. So I still call myself an educator.

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> Marcus Higgs>It's just a different audience now. And now I help parents of preteens with their communication and a framework I call the show up framework.

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> Marcus Higgs>And, uh, that's what I do, that's what I love doing, and that's what I'm planning to do for the next, let's say, ten years until students who I taught in fifth grade, where they could use these on their kids.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Yeah. You are an educator and a mentor to people in over 20 countries.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>So explain to the listeners what the show up framework is and how you came up with it.

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> Marcus Higgs>Sure. You know, the show up framework, it's really human development.

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> Marcus Higgs>Um, and it is transformational coaching.

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> Marcus Higgs>I work with the parent, and I use the thing that's most relevant to the parent, which is their relationship with their kid. Um, then the show up framework, it starts. It starts with a strong identity.

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> Marcus Higgs>And that's actually one of the challenges we're noticing with, um, not only preteens, because this is how it's always been, moving into adolescence and moving into teenage years, trying to find our identity, but also pre teens of this day and age in social media. There's, uh, this book called the anxious generation, and it talks about how there was an uptick in, uh, the mental health issues around 2012 that we noticed. And what really happens is kids are forming their identities behind the screen, meaning, um, in the likes and in the communities online. And I'm not against technology, by no means. I mean, we're talking on a podcast now, right? But when the screen shuts down, question is, who am I? And if you have no sense of identity when the screen closes, you're not able to push against or manage the stressors of life. So that's why the show framework starts with a strong identity s.

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> Marcus Higgs>And that's by looking at the virtues and values that are innate, the ones that are already there naturally with your child, and helping to cultivate those before, uh, I go on. Any thoughts on that?

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Well, what made you want to start supporting parents and their preteens?

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> Marcus Higgs>Um, one, I'm interested in human development.

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> Marcus Higgs>Having traveled to all those different places and experienced different cultures, you start to see where there's overlap or where there's a common theme.

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> Marcus Higgs>And really, the work that I do, it can be for anybody, quite honestly, the reason I want to support parents and preteens is because two things come to mind.

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> Marcus Higgs>One, this is the most influential tie. It's the first, identity breaking.

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> Marcus Higgs>Life is about continually breaking your identity and you figuring out who you are. So you can answer, I am.

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> Marcus Higgs>But with this first one, if you do it correctly, you can, um, change the whole perception and understanding of what life is.

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> Marcus Higgs>And the second reason why do I work with parents is because I want to use the most influential voice inside their life. The most influential voice at that moment is their parent. That's why we say, be mindful of the voice with which you speak to children for a time.

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> Marcus Higgs>That becomes a voice with which they speak to themselves.

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> Marcus Higgs>So that's why I chose this group.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Well, talk about ways that parents can take everyday stressors and use them for character building in their preteens.

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> Marcus Higgs>Mhm. So to develop, we need to be stressed. That's just my belief. Everything that eventually grows must first break.

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> Marcus Higgs>When you look at an egg, you know, if it breaks from the outside, there's death. But if it breaks from the inside, there's life that emerges when you look at a, uh, butterfly in a cocoon, when you look at birth, everything, it's coming forth from the middle.

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> Marcus Higgs>And that's actually what education. Education means. The etymology or the root of the word, as well as to parent.

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> Marcus Higgs>There's this Ernest Hemingway line that says, um, life breaks us all, and some are made stronger in the broken places. The question is, what story do you tell yourself after you're broken?

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> Marcus Higgs>That's what really says, are we going to step into growth? Are we going to mend ourselves and become back stronger and come back stronger? Or are we utterly destroyed?

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> Marcus Higgs>Now, if we learn how to manage these stressors as they come, there are three basic type of stressors in life, and this comes from Phil Stutz, actually. There's, um, the stress to maintain. Just living is stressful, right?

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> Marcus Higgs>Then there are the stresses that blindside us, come out of the blue unexpectedly.

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> Marcus Higgs>And then there are the stressors for expansion that we choose, that we can grow into something, um, something different, something that we want.

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> Marcus Higgs>If we're able to change the narrative around these stressors and how they happen, we get to live the life that we choose.

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> Marcus Higgs>Um, and when I say that it means we have more autonomy over our life.

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> Marcus Higgs>We get to see how we're more of the author and the creator of our experience.

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> Marcus Higgs>And that comes from learning how to.

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> Marcus Higgs>Yeah. How to work with our problems. Not problems, but our challenges here and our stressors.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Well, you mentioned you, time and your show up framework. So talk about how you time is different than traditional quality time. And you know why that's such a crucial factor.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>And preachings.

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> Marcus Higgs>Yeah. And you time actually comes when we say o in the framework. Open up communication.

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> Marcus Higgs>The reason utime is important is because it's regulated. Meaning it's regular on the calendar. Um, could be a walk around the block once a week. Could be a tradition.

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> Marcus Higgs>It's not just a habit. It's not just something that we do, but rather, it's somewhat of a ritual. And the difference between a ritual and a habit just means that a ritual is more meaningful. It's a meaning that you get to create, that is yours, that you get to own.

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> Marcus Higgs>And when you make turning your awareness to someone a ritual, it helps them see what is valuable, because your attention and time is the most valuable thing.

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> Marcus Higgs>And, uh, the cool thing about you time is that it's short.

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> Marcus Higgs>It doesn't have to be long. And it's a space where the child has more autonomy inside that moment. Meaning they can direct it more.

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> Marcus Higgs>So, like, what they want to talk about. They know that in this space, I have your attention, and we talk about whatever I want to talk about for this time.

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> Marcus Higgs>And the reason this is important is because at this time of their life, you're trying to have them have more autonomy. It's called autonomy supportive parenting. So you're giving them more trust. You're letting them saying, yeah, okay, I can be responsible for things. And that's what Utime does.

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> Marcus Higgs>Utime says here, here's a pocket of my time that is precious. What do you want to do with it?

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>So you also coined the term identity discovery moment. So talk about that and how parents can use that to help their kids, uh, build resiliency.

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> Marcus Higgs>Sure, sure. Well, an identity discovery really is an epiphany.

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> Marcus Higgs>It's an understanding of who you are in your character.

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> Marcus Higgs>As they're searching for who they are at this time, they're going to experience things of, oh, that's a new way to think about it, or that's a new way to see myself when, um, that happens. It's good to be there to actively listen.

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> Marcus Higgs>And one of the patterns I say for actively listening is 313 kids aren't going to open up to you, uh, as much during this stage of their life. So when they do open up to you, give them three minutes and space of listening. Like, let them go, let them explore.

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> Marcus Higgs>Let them.

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> Marcus Higgs>Let them speak what's inside with no judgment. And then during 1 minute after that, you reflect back what you heard, to, uh, let them know that they've been heard. Or you could even say, to make it more relevant, say, you know, when I was a kid, and then share an experience or a story that is related to the topic that they're talking about.

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> Marcus Higgs>Again, people love to share or listen to what's relevant to them.

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> Marcus Higgs>And after you, you have that 1 minute of sharing and that input, then you then put it back to them. You say, tell me what your thoughts are about it.

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> Marcus Higgs>And then again, you listen for three minutes.

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> Marcus Higgs>In those seven minutes, you've affirmed your kid, you validated what they were feeling, and you made a deposit into the bank account of your relationship.

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> Marcus Higgs>And if you do these at, ah, strategic times, like when they come into, uh, an awareness of their identity, you're building that bridge as a trustworthy present parenthood.

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> Marcus Higgs>And that's what's needed at this age.

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> Marcus Higgs>Trustworthy present parent.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>So talk about character crafting. What's the best way, you know, parents can kind of craft the character and virtues and values of their kid as a framework.

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> Marcus Higgs>Well, like we said, s means it starts with a strong character identity.

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> Marcus Higgs>Everything in the framework after that then deals with the child's character. Like we said, people listen to a message that's relevant to them.

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> Marcus Higgs>When we talk about their character, we're talking about their virtues and values. Values just means what's important to them. Their values will change over time, but it's something that they hold important. Their virtues are part of their character. It's from the 24 virtues in action. Bia.

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> Marcus Higgs>Uh, um. And these are with all people, all cultures, all religions, all philosophies.

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> Marcus Higgs>So every step of the show up framework is dealing with their virtues and values.

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> Marcus Higgs>What virtues are also, it's an expression that works towards the well being of the community, or it works towards our own individual well being. Um, these 24 things are like, uh, what is this? Humility, leadership, creativity, gratitude. If you want to take the test for this, you can go to via.org dot virtues in action. That's what it's called now, to craft somebody's identity.

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> Marcus Higgs>Again, we're trusting the wisdom of the kid by helping them figure out who they are. And in the time of doing that, we are crafting our own identity. Because the truth is, you can only really change who and what you are. You can have influence on other people. You can't change other people.

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> Marcus Higgs>People change from the inside out, and you can't be what you can't see. So what I do is I work with parents to help them be their best self and then making the space for their kid to flourish or to explore and express themselves.

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> Marcus Higgs>So you let the kid craft their character.

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> Marcus Higgs>And the way you influence it is by bringing their awareness to, uh, their dopeness, to their awesomeness for the beauty that's inside.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Well, tell us about your book. Tell us what listeners can expect when they read it or where they can get it from.

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> Marcus Higgs>Sure. I'm currently writing my book, um, the show up framework, nurturing your preteens.

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> Marcus Higgs>Hopefully in the next two months before then, you can go to my site, marcusshiggs.com, or workshops, dot marcussigs.com. and there are workshops as it relates to, um, mapping out our family identity, as well as, um, how to nurture your preteens potential in the digital age, finding out how to actually leverage technology to work for you. And I'm also, um, opening up slots inside the show framework. That's my main course. If people are interested in that, they can reach out to me for that, or find me on LinkedIn that's where you can find me.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>All right, well, you just answered a couple of questions, current and upcoming projects and go at your website.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Close us out with.

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> Marcus Higgs>Oh, sorry.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Oh, no, no problem at all. Close us out with some final thoughts. Maybe if that was something I forgot to touch on, that you would like to talk about. Any final thoughts you have for the listeners?

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> Marcus Higgs>Sure. Sure.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Um.

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> Marcus Higgs>Um. While I speak about virtues and values and showing up as a parent, just wanted to encourage parents that, uh, uh, you will falls short of your own expectations.

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> Marcus Higgs>And that's a feature, not a bug, of human development. And the reason it's a feature is when you have ruptures. That's what Doctor Dan sequel calls it. When you have ruptures, that's when you repair and reconnect.

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> Marcus Higgs>And to repair and reconnect is saying, this is not the character I want to be. This is how I make it right. And this is what I promised going forward.

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> Marcus Higgs>And when you do that again, you're communicating and you're signaling care to your child. So when you fall short of your own expectations, remember you have space to repair and reconnect, and you're teaching this also to your child. So that's one thing I always love to share with the parents and for us to remember as we, as we navigate these troublesome times.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>All right, ladies and gentlemen, marcushiggs.com. please be sure to follow rate review. Share this episode to as many parents with preteens as possible. Share it to as many people as possible. Jump on your favorite podcast app, give us a review.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Follow us. If you have any guest or suggestion topics, Curtis Jackson, 1978. T.net is the place to send them. As always, thank you for listening and supporting the show. And Marcus, thank you for joining us.

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> Marcus Higgs>Thank you, Curtis. It was wonderful.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>For more information on the living the Dream podcast, visit www.djcurvefall.com.

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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>until next time, stay focused on living the dream dream.