Dec. 3, 2024

Meet the Swearing Therapist: Real Talk on Mental Health and Healing

Show Notes
Transcript

Send us a text

Join us on the Living the Dream podcast with Curveball as we delve into the inspiring journey of Zulma Williams, the swearing therapist and founder of Dragonfly Therapy Services. Discover how Zulma overcame breast cancer, transitioned careers, and became a licensed therapist specializing in trauma, anxiety, and depression. In this episode, Zulma shares her unique approach to therapy, the importance of grounding techniques for managing anxiety, and her perspective on motivation and setbacks. Tune in to learn how to challenge negative thoughts and embrace life's challenges with resilience and authenticity.

www.dragonflytherapyservices.net
Want to be a guest on Living the Dream with Curveball? Send Curtis Jackson a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/1628631536976x919760049303001600

WEBVTT

00:00:00.719 --> 00:00:09.205
> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Welcome, um, to the Living the Dream podcast with Curveball. Um, if you believe you can achieve, cheat.

00:00:18.785 --> 00:00:51.075
> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Welcome to the Living the Dream with Curveball podcast, a show where I interview guests that teach, motivate, and inspire. Today we're going to be talking about mental health as I am joined by the swearing therapist, Zoma Williams. Zoma is the founder of Dragonfly Therapy Services. She's a breast cancer survivor. So we're going to be talking about everything that Zoma's up to and the method to her madness. So, Zoma, thank you so much for joining me today.

00:00:51.625 --> 00:00:53.240
> Zoma Williams>It is my pleasure. Thank you.

00:00:53.273 --> 00:00:57.445
> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Curtis, why don't you start off by telling everybody a little bit about yourself.

00:00:57.984 --> 00:01:14.045
> Zoma Williams>Of course. I was born and raised in Buenos Aires, Argentina. I moved to the United States when I was 31, and at age 42, I was working in a, uh, corporation doing accounting.

00:01:14.545 --> 00:02:19.640
> Zoma Williams>And I was like, I'm not sure I want to do this for another 25 years. So I enroll in school. I started my bachelor's of social work, um, program. I graduated at 46 and I was on track to do my master's. And six weeks after graduating with my bachelor of Social work, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. So that took a little turn, uh, and I moved back to Argentina for about three years. And after three years I was feeling, um, better. My treatment was like, at the beginning was like every week or every three weeks. And then, um, as the treatment started getting more like once a month or one every three months and that kind of stuff, I was like, I think I'm ready to go back to the States. Um, I came back to Las, uh, Vegas in 2015.

00:02:19.793 --> 00:02:38.645
> Zoma Williams>It was, um, probably six weeks short, ah, of my 50th birthday and I started my Masters of Social Work. I graduated a year later and I became fully licensed as a therapist at 53 and a half.

00:02:39.185 --> 00:02:43.929
> Zoma Williams>And I've been in the field, um, see since then.

00:02:44.016 --> 00:03:02.485
> Zoma Williams>And I specialize in trauma, anxiety and depression. And I like to help people discover their own hero and that, uh, no matter what challenges they are, uh, going through, they are going to overcome them.

00:03:04.944 --> 00:03:07.805
> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>So why are you known as the swearing therapist?

00:03:09.104 --> 00:03:34.682
> Zoma Williams>So I was the swearing therapist because I sweat a lot. I will keep it clean for the show, but I sweat a lot because I like to keep it real. Uh, my clients, um, I'm very selective of, um, the people who, uh, when they call for an appointment, we do a 15 minute kind of like, call to get to know each other.

00:03:34.778 --> 00:03:46.508
> Zoma Williams>And F and the B word is going to come out of My mouth. So if they are not comfortable with me swearing, uh, we are not a good match. So I refer out.

00:03:46.637 --> 00:04:17.728
> Zoma Williams>But when I'm sitting in my office with a client, I will say the F word. I'm not going to say fudge. You know what I mean? So, uh, I think it's part of our everyday, uh, and if you are going to get offended by that, I'm not the therapist for you. Again, I'm not for everybody, but I like to keep it real. I'm very direct. Uh, life is too short. We don't have time, uh, to be beating around the bush.

00:04:17.817 --> 00:04:21.764
> Zoma Williams>So if you are ready to get better, I'm the girl for you.

00:04:23.865 --> 00:04:33.285
> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>All right, well, in your. In your opinion and in your experience, what is anxiety and what can we do to increase our, uh, answer? Decrease our, uh, anxiety.

00:04:34.225 --> 00:04:36.824
> Zoma Williams>So anxiety, in a nutshell.

00:04:36.944 --> 00:04:53.014
> Zoma Williams>Anxiety is about trying to control the future, which is impossible because the future is not even here. So let's say that you are concerned. You're anxious about a meeting that is going to happen next week.

00:04:53.314 --> 00:05:39.964
> Zoma Williams>Well, um, you not sleeping tonight is not going to make the meeting come anytime sooner. So instead of being anxious about it, what you can do is to take a deep breath and then come back to the present moment with what are called grounding techniques. Um, some of the grounding techniques are you take a deep breath and you describe something that you are touching or something that you are smelling, or put a candy in your mouth and describe how the candy tastes. So you literally are coming out of your head in order to describe those things.

00:05:40.084 --> 00:05:45.740
> Zoma Williams>Right? You cannot be thinking about the meeting and describing what you are touching. It's impossible.

00:05:45.932 --> 00:06:15.704
> Zoma Williams>So literally, you are telling the brain that you are the boss, and the brain wants to freak out about that meeting next week, but you are the boss. So you are going to be describing what you are touching, which brings you to the present moment. If we can remain in the present moment, there will be no anxiety. Anxiety is kind of like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't take you anywhere.

00:06:19.004 --> 00:06:26.345
> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Well, talk about how you dealt with, you know, being diagnosed with breast cancer and going through your treatment and everything.

00:06:27.964 --> 00:06:39.055
> Zoma Williams>So when I was diagnosed, my first, I was very scared. I didn't. I thought I was gonna die the following day. Like, I didn't have the information.

00:06:40.000 --> 00:07:08.214
> Zoma Williams>Um, and I was asking, like, why me? Right? Like, it was. The first reaction was, why me? And then after a while, I said, I don't have children, but I have mom and I have a sister, and I Have nieces and girlfriends. And I was like, well, if it wasn't me, would I have preferred that it was one of them?

00:07:08.555 --> 00:07:11.178
> Zoma Williams>And of course, the answer is no.

00:07:11.307 --> 00:07:16.535
> Zoma Williams>So I switched the question to why me? To why not me?

00:07:17.089 --> 00:08:03.915
> Zoma Williams>Uh, which took me out of the victim mentality. And then I learned to. To change the question altogether from why to what am I learning from this? And what I learned from being diagnosed with cancer and my treatment is that no matter what, so we have no control over what happens to us, but we have 100% control over how we react to what is happening to us. So when I was going through my treatment, uh, radiation and not chemo, the chemo that is so aggressive, but it was a kind of like a different type of chemo. And I was.

00:08:04.774 --> 00:08:27.824
> Zoma Williams>When I was receiving the treatments, uh, the nurses used to tell me, we know that you are going to be okay because of your attitude. Right? I was like, I had a lot of energy going in and I was embracing the process instead of resistant and wasting my energy resisting it.

00:08:27.904 --> 00:08:35.725
> Zoma Williams>So I'm happy to say I've been so. I have celebrated 12 years of, uh, being cancer free.

00:08:36.024 --> 00:08:58.264
> Zoma Williams>And although I continue to have different challenges, it is how we perceive what we can do about those challenges that makes all the difference. I like to refer to my journey with cancer as, uh, I had cancer, cancer didn't have me.

00:08:59.684 --> 00:09:10.434
> Zoma Williams>Meaning that I, you know, was a challenge in how I reacted to that challenge made all the difference.

00:09:13.575 --> 00:09:20.715
> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>How important do you feel motivation is when it comes to achieving success or being successful?

00:09:22.735 --> 00:09:36.695
> Zoma Williams>A, uh, controversial opinion. This is my personal opinion. I think that motivation is overrated. Uh, you have done stuff, um, they all your life that you have not been motivated to do, and yet it got done.

00:09:37.034 --> 00:10:12.304
> Zoma Williams>So especially those of you, uh, who have children, uh, yeah, you cannot tell a baby, like, you know what? I'm not motivated to change your diaper. You have to get up and do it right? So a lot of times we just need to take action or, um, I'm not motivated. But you have been doing this stuff all your life. You were not motivated to do. And yet it got done. So it's more about how bad do you want that thing that you say that you want?

00:10:12.769 --> 00:11:17.345
> Zoma Williams>Uh, when I, uh, after my diagnosis, when I went for my masters, I was like, uh, you know what? I was more appreciative of being able to take those classes because three years prior, I couldn't. So don't tell me that, oh, I'm too old or I'm too busy or I was I was 50 and I did that. English is not my first language. And I, and I did it right, like, so it was more about taking action than waiting to be motivated. I always tell my clients, you just have to become Nike and just do it right, uh, like, because that's what you have been doing all your life with work, with children, with things that maybe you are not that, quote unquote motivated to do. For me, motivation is not necessary. You just have, uh, to get up and do it. And by the time that you are thinking if you are motivated or not, it's already done.

00:11:20.215 --> 00:11:23.434
> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Do you feel like setbacks are a part of success?

00:11:24.735 --> 00:11:37.394
> Zoma Williams>Absolutely. Having to take a break in my higher education due to the cancer diagnosis showed me how bad I wanted it.

00:11:37.695 --> 00:11:42.914
> Zoma Williams>So it was like nobody would have say anything if I was like, oh, no, I'm not.

00:11:43.294 --> 00:12:25.791
> Zoma Williams>I'm giving up on, um, being a therapist. I will continue to do accounting. But yet it showed me that I wanted it so bad that I was willing to do whatever, whatever it was that I needed to do. So cancer came to delay my graduation and achieving my dream of being a therapist, but didn't rob me of that dream. I didn't allow it, um, to take that dream away from me. So it's kind of like when we are confronting, ah, challenges or um, quote, unquote failures.

00:12:25.942 --> 00:13:24.955
> Zoma Williams>It's like, it's, it's just not right now. It doesn't mean that it's. No, forever. So anytime that we are pursuing a goal and we have a setback, it's kind of like giving us the energy to realize how bad we want that. A lot of times people give, uh, up on their dreams m because they don't feel like they deserve to achieve those dreams. And I always say if you woke up today, that means that your mission on earth is not done. So you deserve to fulfill your dreams and all those challenges or, uh, defeats, if you would, you can use it as stepping stones to achieve your dreams.

00:13:28.815 --> 00:13:38.235
> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>For those who might be going through experiencing some grief and loss right now, give them some breast. Give us some best practice tips on how to deal with that.

00:13:38.815 --> 00:13:55.475
> Zoma Williams>Absolutely. Grief is love that has nowhere to go. When someone transitions or passes away, uh, we are grieving because we love that person so much.

00:13:56.014 --> 00:14:29.644
> Zoma Williams>So if you didn't care about that person, um, okay, you just continue your life. But all this love has nowhere to go. So one way that I like to honor, uh, the people who had passed away is to. So let's say that a significant person in your life had passed away and you are feeling guilty because you didn't tell that person enough how much you love, you love her or you love him.

00:14:29.945 --> 00:14:55.424
> Zoma Williams>So if you take that as, um, a lesson and you start telling the people who are alive and in your life how much you love them, right, like, so don't waste any time for the rest of the people that are with you. If there is a birthday or an inverse or an anniversary, who is, uh, significant for you?

00:14:55.884 --> 00:15:21.596
> Zoma Williams>Recently, uh, was my mom's birthday. She passed away in 2013. And what I did to honor her was I bought flowers, the flowers that she likes. And uh, I gave it to my friend. But it wasn't about the flowers. It was about the meaning and the intention that I was putting into those flowers.

00:15:21.701 --> 00:16:33.375
> Zoma Williams>So for example, if it's your loved one birthday and they love a, uh, particular restaurant or a drink, uh, is to. One way of honoring them is kind of like go to that restaurant and order that meal and on, um, like putting the intention that I'm doing this to honor you. It could be the same meal that you have every day, but that day will be different because of the way that the intention that you are putting behind it. So when, um, we are experiencing grief, it's about, I invite, uh, people to reflect on how can they use the time that they have now, the other people who are alive and kind of like learn from that experience and use that time wisely. We cannot go back and resuscitate that person, but we can take that as an example of how to take advantage of the time that I have with you while I have you here.

00:16:35.674 --> 00:16:40.735
> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>What are some of the ways we can identify and challenge negative thoughts?

00:16:42.264 --> 00:17:12.875
> Zoma Williams>So let's say that you made a mistake at work and you are calling, you're thinking like, oh my God, I'm a failure, right? Like I'm not, I'm not good. I cannot do this job. I'm gonna get fired. All those are negative thoughts. So we're gonna do is identify that negative thought. In this case, I'm a failure. And we are going to cross examine that thought.

00:17:12.994 --> 00:17:27.734
> Zoma Williams>So we put it on trial and we are going to be asking some questions. First question is, is there evidence to support this thought?

00:17:28.349 --> 00:17:34.002
> Zoma Williams>Um, well, yes, uh, I made a mistake. I probably going to get fighted.

00:17:34.098 --> 00:19:36.974
> Zoma Williams>I cannot do my job. Um, I am a failure. So next question is, is there evidence contrary to this thought? So is it? Well, uh, I made that mistake. But really I'm really good at other parts of the job and I'm uh, detail oriented and I showed up on time and I have integrity and I have a high work ethic and I'm going to learn from this mistake and not do it again. So the next question is, am, um, I, um, attempting to analyze this without all the evidence, which has been proven by the two prior questions? Then the next question is, how would a friend or a loved one, um, what would a friend or a loved one think about this situation, which most likely will be something along the lines of like, okay, well, you made a mistake, but you learned from it and you're going to do better next time. That doesn't mean that you're a failure. And then the next question is, will this matter in a month from now, in a year from now, in five years from now? Now. So the idea of the exercise is that by the end of uh, all the questions, that thought is not going to stand because it's not true. So when you say I'm a failure because you made a mistake that's not true is like, you do a lot of things correctly. So that kind of like, doesn't fit into that picture of um, I'm a failure. So you can, you can use those questions to any negative sense. For example, like, I'm not lovable. Nobody loves.

00:19:37.434 --> 00:20:25.444
> Zoma Williams>Well, do your children love you? Does your mom love you? Well, well, she's my mom. Yeah, well, I know a lot of moms who mistreat their children. Right? Like, I mean, simply because it's your mom, it doesn't mean that it's going to be, uh, invalidated. So we put the thought on track. We need to identify what the thought is in this case. I'm a failure, um, I'm, um, not lovable, um, whatever it might be. And then we ask those questions and if we answer them truthfully at the end of the questionnaire, at uh, the end of the cross examining, uh, the site can understand because it's not.

00:20:28.904 --> 00:20:33.244
> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Tell us about any upcoming projects that you're working on that people need to know about.

00:20:34.424 --> 00:21:01.295
> Zoma Williams>I'm, uh, I launched my uh, Instagram page, the Sweating Therapist, not too long ago. So one of my projects is to build that up and continuing to be a guest on podcasts. And um, I'm working on um, a book so hopefully that will um, see the light sometime soon.

00:21:03.075 --> 00:21:07.934
> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Okay, well, so everybody can keep up with everything that you're up to. Throw out your contact info.

00:21:09.075 --> 00:21:42.974
> Zoma Williams>My website is dragonflytherapyservices uh.net and as I said, my Instagram at theswaringtherapist so they can follow me I do a lot of videos on my Instagram about, uh, anxiety and, uh, grief and how to identify kind of like what we been through today. Um, they can find those, uh, suggestions on my Instagram. And I would love to hear from your listeners.

00:21:44.555 --> 00:21:52.095
> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>All right, we'll close this out with some final thoughts. Maybe if that was something I forgot to talk about, that you would like to touch on any final thoughts you have for the listeners.

00:21:52.875 --> 00:22:35.875
> Zoma Williams>Absolutely. I would like to leave with this. Your track record is 100, uh, percent success about overcoming your challenges. How do I know that? Because you're here. So when you are going through something, I will invite you to look back at, uh, those challenges and realize that you overcame them. And this is not going to be different. So just keep pushing through, keep putting one foot in front of the other, and you are going to come on the other side of this challenge, too.

00:22:37.615 --> 00:23:06.714
> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>All right, ladies and gentlemen, be sure that you follow and check out everything that the swearing therapist is up to. Follow rate, Review. Share this episode to as many people as possible. Jump on your favorite podcast app, follow the show, Leave us a review. Share it, any guest or suggestion topics. Curtis Jackson 1978@att.net is the place to send them. Thank you for listening and supporting the show. And Zoma, thank you for all that you do. And thank you for joining us.

00:23:07.335 --> 00:23:10.075
> Zoma Williams>It is my pleasure. Thank you for having me.

00:23:10.654 --> 00:23:18.567
> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>For more information on the Living the Dream podcast, visit www.djcurveball.com.

00:23:18.711 --> 00:23:23.545
> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>and until next time, uh, stay focused on living the dream Dream.