Jan. 25, 2024

Living the dream with fatherhood expert Sam Asra

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Dive into the heart of fatherhood with Sam Asra on the 'Living the Dream' podcast. Discover the transformative journey from a troubled childhood to empowering fathers today. Sam shares his intimate story of overcoming a difficult relationship with his father and how it fueled his passion to help other dads connect deeply with their children. Whether you're looking to heal a strained relationship or simply want to become a more present and engaged parent, this episode is a beacon of hope and practical wisdom.

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> Speaker A>Welcome, um, to the living the dream podcast with curveball. If you believe you can achieve cheat, cheat.

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> Speaker B>Welcome, um, to the living the dream with curveball podcast, a show where I interview guests that teach, motivate and inspire. Today we're going to be talking about fathers connecting with their kids on a deeper level and saving a relationship with your kids if it's been damaged or strained, as I am joined by Sam Azra.

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> Speaker B>Sam has a lot of knowledge on this topic and has spent a lot of time helping fathers connect with their kids and giving them the tools they need to do so. So, Sam, thank you so much for joining me today.

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> Speaker C>Thank you, Curtis. It's a pleasure.

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> Speaker B>Why don't you start off by telling everybody a little bit about yourself?

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> Speaker C>So, my name is Sam. Um, and how I got into this business was, uh, uh, the fact that I grew up in a strict, ah, middle eastern home. Um, my family, my parents immigrated here, uh, and then had me. So I'm a first generation american, um, and growing up, I really had a troubled relationship with my father, um, unfortunately, um, coming from a strict middle eastern background, uh, and in his case, a very severe one, uh, he ended up being very, uh, domestically abusive, uh, physically, emotionally to my mother and to me. Um, and going through that process eventually ended up having to defend my mother and then my parents divorced. And it's a whole story, but essentially that inspired me because I myself am split from my own father. And there are certain things that I wish he would have done, uh, that he could have rectified. Even after all that time and all that pain and suffering that he still could have salvaged. And so, um, taking that pain and doing something positive with it, I think, is, uh, what inspired me to create this program.

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> Speaker B>So what's your relationship like with your father today?

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> Speaker C>Unfortunately, uh, it's nonexistent. What ended up happening was, um, after the whole split happened, um, we tried one more time to reconcile. Um, I was kind of pressured into it, um, and I really didn't want. After all, I really summarized 20 years of abuse in a couple of minutes. Um, but there was a chance we met and, um, I felt like his apology was very. He didn't really apologize.

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> Speaker C>He said, we all made mistakes. I'm glad we can turn a new chapter. And that told me that he did not take responsibility, he did not take ownership, um, and he still felt like that it only was partly his fault had he come to me and said, son, I'm so sorry of all the pain that I caused you. And this is on me, and I'm going to make it right. Had he come to me with that, that would have opened the door to a new chapter, a new connection.

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> Speaker C>So this is the kind of stuff I teach in my course. And it's not about who is to blame, whose fault is it. It's more about I'm taking ownership of the situation as a father, as a leader, as a role model. And because of that, I then can dictate my destiny and how my relationship turns out. Because only when I take ownership of a situation, no matter who did what, then I can ask myself what I can do about it. If we blame others, we don't start to solution because the blaming, it just ends there. Oh, it's my ex's fault.

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> Speaker C>And then that was it. We don't think, we don't come up with solutions. We just kind of leave it there. But when I say it's on me, I have to make this happen.

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> Speaker C>How do I make this happen? What do I need to do? What adjustments do I need to make? It's a whole new way of thinking. So anyways, that's unfortunately the way my relationship is with my father. Um, some people have joked with me that I should send the program over to his way and have him take the program.

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> Speaker B>I understand. Um, can you give some best practice tips on how fathers can have a deeper connection with their kids?

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> Speaker C>Of course. Um, one of the things that we teach is, uh, communication with your child. Um, and one of the things we talk about is a lot of fathers are great at business. And so what I do in this course is I draw a lot of parallels with business because that's something a lot of fathers can understand. Um, and so just like how in business, when you network, you might add their name, add their birthday, add details about them in your CRM or in your contact list, notes, spreadsheet, whatever you use.

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> Speaker C>Uh, and you add all these details because then when it's next time to have the next time, when it's another conversation, you can refer back to your notes and know, okay, he's interested in baseball, and he loves chocolate cake, and he loves this and that. And then now it'll show that you were listening so similar fashion. One tip that I think would be huge would be to do the same thing for your son or daughter. So son says, hey, I have soccer practice on Thursdays. And, uh, me and my friend, uh, know, we usually carpool or do whatever. Then you make a note, and then the next time you have a conversation, you say, well, how's mike, uh, you know what I mean? Uh, how's Maggie? How's whatever, you know what I mean?

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> Speaker C>You get more involved and it shows that you were listening and that you care. How's your teacher, uh, Mrs. Mary or whatever, right. Is to be able to connect with that. Or let's say they're adult children just talking about, uh, their business or their network or, uh, maybe there's a situation, you come back and you ask about it, you take an interest in your child, and I think that is a huge way that you can really improve just right now. An actionable step for you, for fathers out there.

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> Speaker B>Wow. Can fathers who are busy, they have a busy life. What's, uh, some best practice tips that they could do to make more time with their kids?

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> Speaker C>Um, we have a whole section on this. Um, first, really taking a look at your workflow. Um, because, yes, you are busy, but there are ways to buy back time. There are ways to speed, uh, up what you do. And I think taking a really close look at what you do day to day and how much time you spend, let's say you go to the gym, how much time do you spend there? Can I speed that, um, up? Or let's say you write emails, right?

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> Speaker C>Can you use Chat GPT to increase, uh, the speed at which you do that, therefore buying back your time? Can you use AI in all the different places? The new technology, maybe you're doing something, uh, in an old fashioned way and not utilizing technology to its fullest capacity. What about, um, let's say you are busy, right? Still connect with your child.

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> Speaker C>How can you do that? You can send them a text, you can send them a video message. Video messages are very powerful. I had one, uh, this is a very specific situation. I saw where, um, a father was. Ah, so his son was a performer, and his first performance coming up, and his father sent him a video message. 30 seconds, nothing crazy.

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> Speaker C>Hey, son, I just wanted to wish you luck. I know this is your first show and I'm very excited for you. I know you're going to do great. I know you've been working hard on it. I've seen you last two months, you've been doing a, b and c, and I think you're just going to do amazing. So, uh, just wanted to wish you best of luck and I'll see you soon.

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> Speaker C>That was it. And what he sent back was, this is the best thing I've ever gotten free. Didn't cost anything, barely costed your time. You see how the intention that you thought of them you remembered that the performance was on this

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00 p.m. I'm going to give him a call at two, wish him luck, or I'm going to send him a video message at two. So you could be anywhere in the world and do that. So that's just one of many tips and strategies, ah, that we teach.

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> Speaker B>Well, let's talk about single fathers.

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> Speaker B>You're having to do everything and working and taking care of everything. So give some best practice tips on what single fathers can do.

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> Speaker B>Come home with more energy for their kids.

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> Speaker C>Um, so one thing we talk about is, um, well, there's so many, but I'll touch on a few of them. Um, diet is huge, so we talk about how to optimize your diet. A lot of times that, um, fathers, especially single fathers who work, come home. Maybe they don't cook or they don't know how to cook. They get takeout, a lot of that stuff. Knowing what's in those things that you're eating can have a huge impact on your energy levels throughout the week.

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> Speaker C>Uh, that's something that we teach. We teach about, um, what's the kind of diet? And this will be a whole, full fledged another program. But like, diving into the macronutrients.

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> Speaker C>Micronutrients. And, uh, how vitamins affect you throughout the day and what kind of foods you should be eating and what kind of foods you should be avoiding.

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> Speaker C>Because certain foods do make, uh, you sluggish. They do, uh, take a lot of energy to digest. And some foods are better for long lasting energy than other foods. And so that's something that I highly recommend, uh, to really take a deep, close look at your diet. Um, another thing is kind of, again, buying back your convenience. So if you're a father, and this does take a bit of investment, but let's say if you're a father who is very busy with business, but you can support things financially, consider, uh, having help, uh, at the house, you could get meal prep. You can have someone prep your meals. You can buy a service that does that, um, so that you don't have to cook. And you have to worry about even the decision fatigue of what we should get in ordering it. There are meal prep services that can come every week and serve food, uh, without you having to think about it. And there's also, as far as cleaning, maintaining the house, there are also services that you can bring on. So you basically delegate these tasks to other things. And I know that takes some extra money. So, uh, that could be an issue for some single fathers. But if you do have, I would see your financial picture and try to see, okay, am I able to save somewhere else in my life in order to buy back this convenience and buy back my energy and time?

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> Speaker B>Okay, well, let's talk about, like you said, uh, your father had a lot of anger issues, so give some best practice tips if you do get mad at your kid, how to keep you cool and how to express that in the right way.

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> Speaker C>Right. Um, we have a whole section on this. Um, here's a couple of gems for you. Um, the first one is to obviously, um, be able to.

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> Speaker C>Here's the challenge. First, you need to identify what it's like for you to start getting angry, right. Um, so I recommend if you're having trouble identifying it, even, um, you could even have, uh, a situation where, um, even recording the conversation, recording whatever, um, incident so that you can see yourself and you can give yourself feedback. But let's say you can identify when you start getting emotional and you start getting rattled. One tip is to take a walk. You can exit a conversation. You don't have to stay there. Know that it's not going to be productive for you to be in a very agitated state of mind, right. So that you're like, hey, son, I'm going to go take a call. We can continue this conversation later, uh, whatever. Or, hey, I've got, um, I need a time to think about this. Let me take a bit and I'll call you back. Because, yes, it can get heated. Taking a walk. I also recommend any kind of fitness is great for the mind, keeping the mind calm. Um, meditation is another one if you're into that, or any sort of spiritual, if you're spiritual, if prayer is part of your thing, that's another one. That's great.

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> Speaker C>Also eating. I know it sounds silly. Uh, a lot of times people are in worse moods, or at least less patient when they, um, haven't eaten. It's been a long day. We haven't eaten anything. So if you're going to have a tough conversation, it's best to prep yourself to say, okay, I've eaten, I'm calm, I've meditated, maybe I've taken a walk. Now it's time to have a conversation. So those are some tips for you.

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> Speaker B>Well, tell the listeners about your program. Tell us where we can find it and what someone can expect if they decide to take it.

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> Speaker C>Um, so the way I do it is I don't just, um, bring anyone on board I have a, uh, discovery call, so first, that's a 30 minutes call. Lily free is just about understanding your situation and understanding where the disconnect is and then seeing if I can help you. Um, ah, so that's something that I'm sure we can put in the show notes. Uh, you can also search me, Sam astra.

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> Speaker C>S-A-M-A-S-R-A. Um, and the program is called Fathers Connect.

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> Speaker C>So search any of those things on Google or find my invite link in the, uh, show notes. I'll give that to Curtis.

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> Speaker B>Well, tell us about any current or upcoming projects that you're working on that people need to know.

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> Speaker C>Um, so, uh, after working a lot with fathers, ah, um, as far as, like, one on one and everything, um, I'm developing an eight week group coaching online program. So I wanted to reach more people this way.

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> Speaker C>Um, so I'm basically taking everything I've taught and learned and my experiences and research and, uh, uh, putting it into an eight week course that so someone who goes from point a to point b, does everything in the course, will build a relation, will be able to build a relationship with their child.

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> Speaker C>And this is designed to be able to do that whether you haven't talked to your son in 20 years or you're on talking terms now. But it's never getting past.

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> Speaker C>Hey. How are you, dad? Good. What you doing?

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> Speaker C>Uh, not much. Just studying. Cool. All right. See you. Bye bye.

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> Speaker C>Getting past that, how do we build it deeper?

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> Speaker C>How do we get our child to say, I want to spend time with dad. I want to talk to him?

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> Speaker C>Dad doesn't have to ask you to come visit to come talk to him. They want to come. They can't wait to see you. That's the goal.

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> Speaker B>Okay, well, you threw out your contact info, so close us up with some final thoughts. Maybe if that was something I forgot to talk about that you would like to touch on, or just any final thoughts you have for the listeners?

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> Speaker C>Um, no, I'll end it with this.

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> Speaker C>I don't think it's ever too late. Um, because I know this journey can. I see a lot of fathers kind of lose hope in reconnecting with your child. So whether you take my program or do something else, um, whatever other approach, just know that there is always a chance for reconciliation. So I encourage people to, uh, really dig deep and find some hope.

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> Speaker B>All right, ladies and gentlemen, Sam asbra. If you are somebody that, you know, needs to reconnect with their kids, uh, follow rate review.

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> Speaker B>Share this episode to as many people as possible.

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> Speaker B>Check out Sam's program. If you have any guest or suggestion topics, Cjackson 102 at Cox.

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> Speaker B>Net is the place to send them. As always, thank you for listening. And Sam, thank you for joining me.

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> Speaker C>The pleasure. Thank you.

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> Speaker A>For more information on the living the Dream podcast, visit www.djcurveball.com.

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> Speaker A>Until next time, stay focused on living the dream. Dream.