Feb. 4, 2024

Living the dream with author and adiction specialist Ryan Gray

Show Notes
Transcript

Send us a text

Dive into the raw and transformative journey of Ryan Gray, a man who battled the depths of addiction and emerged 16 years clean. In this episode of 'Living the Dream with Curveball,' Ryan shares his harrowing experiences leading up to recovery, the power of peer support, and how his literary work, 'Twilight in York,' serves as a beacon of hope for those still fighting their demons. Tune in for an unflinching look at the intersection of mental health and addiction, and discover how Ryan turned his darkest days into a story of triumph.
www.twilightinyork.com

WEBVTT

00:00:00.569 --> 00:00:09.710
> Speaker A>Welcome, um, to the living the Dream podcast with curveball. If you believe you can achieve cheat, cheat.

00:00:18.769 --> 00:00:57.374
> Speaker B>Welcome to the Living the dream with curveball podcast, a, uh, show where I interview guests that teach, motivate, and inspire. Today I am joined by author Ryan Gray, and we're going to be talking about addiction and recovery. As he is 16 years clean, Ryan also has a book on the subject of recovery. He is also pursuing the behavioral health field. So we're going to be talking to him about that and everything that he's up to. He's going to be a peer support specialist. So, Ryan, thank you so much for joining me today.

00:00:57.572 --> 00:01:02.473
> Speaker C>Thank you for having me, Curtis. I appreciate it, man. Thanks for having me. Come in.

00:01:02.612 --> 00:01:05.780
> Speaker B>Why don't you start off by telling everybody a little bit about yourself?

00:01:06.870 --> 00:01:12.280
> Speaker C>Well, um, like I said, you were saying, a peer sport specialist.

00:01:12.280 --> 00:01:44.189
> Speaker C>Um, I, uh, have a bachelor's degree in literature, um, identify as being mentally ill. I get, um, disability. Ah, it's severe to the point of being a disability. Um, what else, uh, mentioned the book just came out. It's called Twilight in York, volume one, and it is about the latter stages of addiction.

00:01:45.359 --> 00:01:56.019
> Speaker C>Um, right before I got clean, I was on and off the street for a while. Uh, and so, uh, it's basically a fictionalized memoir about that time.

00:01:56.950 --> 00:02:13.669
> Speaker B>Okay. Well, I know that you are going to pursue the behavioral health field, and you're going to be a peer support specialist. So for those who don't know, tell them what a peer support specialist is, and congratulations on being clean and the field that you're pursuing.

00:02:14.409 --> 00:02:19.819
> Speaker C>Yeah. Um, the last job that I had was peer support.

00:02:20.509 --> 00:02:53.939
> Speaker C>I was there. How many months was I there? About three months, four months. As a peer support specialist? Uh, a peer support specialist. What they do is you have to have a minimum amount of time. Um, it's clean if you're mentally ill and or you suffer with addiction. Um, one or both. Um, that doesn't make sense. One or both. But if I was to say I have schizophrenia.

00:02:53.939 --> 00:02:59.000
> Speaker C>Ah. And I have two years or whatever, clean.

00:02:59.560 --> 00:03:12.629
> Speaker C>Um, and you get certified, and your job is essentially to help other mentally ill and, uh, people that struggle with addiction.

00:03:13.530 --> 00:03:26.000
> Speaker C>So the idea that I'm drawing on my own experiences as an addict and as a mentally ill person to help other addicts and mentally ill people.

00:03:26.770 --> 00:03:43.680
> Speaker B>Okay. So, kind of walk the listeners through your time where you were struggling with addiction. Just kind of tell us, uh, what that was like and some of the things that you experienced and went through when you were going through your addiction. Sure.

00:03:43.680 --> 00:03:46.599
> Speaker C>Um, I guess just start from the beginning.

00:03:46.599 --> 00:03:51.349
> Speaker C>Um, I was diagnosed with depression when I was 16.

00:03:52.060 --> 00:03:57.159
> Speaker C>Um, when I was 18, I went to college after high school.

00:03:58.590 --> 00:04:47.079
> Speaker C>My first year in college, I got, uh, straight a's. I was drinking a little bit, um, not much that freshman year, but just. But some. And I also started smoking. Um, then my sophomore year, I started to experiment with marijuana and other drugs. Uh, and my grades went downhill. Um, it definitely worsened my mental health. Whenever, if I use or I get high, that always, invariably, ah, affects my mental health. Um, I've been psychotic before.

00:04:47.790 --> 00:04:58.689
> Speaker C>Um, had a psychotic break where I was diagnosed with psychosis. Psychosis turned into schizophrenia. Um, watch the short version.

00:04:58.689 --> 00:05:05.790
> Speaker C>Um, I went through a lot, uh, I went through a lot of hospitals, in and out of homelessness.

00:05:06.620 --> 00:05:06.639
> Speaker A>Um.

00:05:08.370 --> 00:05:55.370
> Speaker C>And then in my book, twilight in York, that's the days leading up to when I finally got clean in 2007. Um, and after York, uh, I went rehab. And I had, I don't know how many total years, but I was in rehab. That was 28 days. Then two and a half months of dual diagnosis. Um, dual diagnosis is, uh, somebody who struggles with both mental health and substance abuse issues. Um, so I had a few months doing that, and then I had two years of inpatient.

00:05:55.529 --> 00:07:01.730
> Speaker C>Well, was more like a year and a half inpatient, and then a transitioning home for another year. And then after that I was in a group home, um, for four and a half years. Um, and during those four years, basically I went from being on the street, being an addict, not having anything, not having a home, obviously home, um, not having really too many friends, uh, not going to school, not working. Uh, I turned into a success story, um, because I went through all of that treatment. And I was able to go back to school, um, was able to get my bachelor's, got a car, started working again, got my own place, um, started a pretty strict, uh, daily writing schedule.

00:07:02.579 --> 00:07:13.879
> Speaker C>Um, I started working at a grocery store. Uh, I got a small local publisher for my book.

00:07:16.250 --> 00:07:22.762
> Speaker C>That's a period of about, from then to now. It's how many?

00:07:22.815 --> 00:07:37.519
> Speaker C>18 years. 18 years ago I started using. And, um, 16 years ago, approximately, I got clean. That's pretty much the whole gist of it.

00:07:38.290 --> 00:07:45.620
> Speaker B>At what point did you know that you needed help and what made you not seek the help right away?

00:07:46.629 --> 00:07:58.774
> Speaker C>Well, my parents were at one point, they had to cut me off, uh, financially and otherwise. And it did that because they were trying to help me.

00:07:58.812 --> 00:08:42.500
> Speaker C>And I had people trying to tell me that I had a problem for a long time before I ever really considered it. I think, um, it was probably when I hit bottom was when I realized it, because, uh, it got to the point where I was living in somebody's basement and there were fellow addicts and they were getting evicted, which means that I was going to be kicked, uh, out of that house and I was facing basically full fledged homelessness, uh, on the one hand, or at least give it a shot, just at least try what some of these folks are saying.

00:08:43.990 --> 00:08:45.830
> Speaker C>Aa and na rooms.

00:08:46.929 --> 00:09:15.789
> Speaker C>Um, so I had hit bottom. Um, that's probably when I realized it that I really did have a problem. Unfortunately, the statistics are that most people, most alcoholics and most drug addicts, if they do reach out for help, it's not until they've hit their bottom and really things can't really get much worse.

00:09:16.450 --> 00:09:25.940
> Speaker B>Well, what advice would you give to parents and family of active addicts or the mentally ill right now? What would you say to them?

00:09:27.669 --> 00:09:40.162
> Speaker C>A good question. Um, to the parents, I wouldn't give up your son or daughter is not a statistic.

00:09:40.225 --> 00:09:51.610
> Speaker C>And, um, I eventually did accept the help that my parents were trying to so desperately, um, get for me. And, um.

00:09:53.289 --> 00:09:56.149
> Speaker C>You don't want to give up on them, be supportive.

00:09:58.570 --> 00:10:25.059
> Speaker C>I, um, think for me it was meetings, sponsorship and step work. Those are like the three main, some of the clients that I've had, um, I'll just remind them, meeting sponsor, step work, and just keep doing that if you can get them.

00:10:25.370 --> 00:10:36.600
> Speaker C>A lot of times it's easier if an addict or an alcoholic doesn't want to listen to the people trying to help them.

00:10:36.659 --> 00:10:57.629
> Speaker C>Um, a lot of the time, a fellow alcoholic, which is why peer support is so effective. Um, a lot of times if you have them talk to somebody with some sobriety time, they have some of those barriers.

00:10:57.710 --> 00:10:57.730
> Speaker A>Um.

00:11:01.570 --> 00:11:19.720
> Speaker C>There'S no ulterior motive, it's simply one addict helping another. Um, I would tempted to say you can't force them, but that doesn't mean that they won't at some point accept help.

00:11:20.470 --> 00:11:42.509
> Speaker C>Um, one thing, when I first got, well, not when I first got clean, when I had a little bit of clean time, I did a 90 and 90, which is, ah, 90 meetings in 90 days, um, as a way to begin the process of recovery.

00:11:42.629 --> 00:11:42.679
> Speaker A>Um.

00:11:44.769 --> 00:12:34.320
> Speaker C>Yeah, that's a tough question because you really want to help someone, and often they have to do it for themselves, and it has to be them doing it for themselves has to be for their own reasons. Um, they can't be motivated, um, you can't force them into getting clean, unfortunately. Um, but I meet people, uh, in the rooms all the time that uh, did go to some meetings and um, decided that they needed help.

00:12:35.809 --> 00:12:44.500
> Speaker C>It's a more common thing these days, uh, than it was that people, people are getting help earlier in the game.

00:12:45.350 --> 00:12:51.073
> Speaker B>Talk about the most difficult thing, in your opinion, about being mentally ill.

00:12:51.192 --> 00:12:56.279
> Speaker B>What's the toughest issues or challenges that you face being mentally ill?

00:12:57.450 --> 00:12:59.879
> Speaker C>It's a day to day thing.

00:13:01.450 --> 00:13:26.009
> Speaker C>If I was going to give advice about mental health, it's not everything, but taking your medication is very important. A lot of people don't want to take their medication or they'll take it for a while and stop taking it. Um, the hardest thing, it's a day to day struggle. I experience, um, uh, schizophrenia every day.

00:13:26.009 --> 00:14:00.460
> Speaker C>Um, hearing voices, having delusions, hallucinating. Um, I recently actually was kind of a humbling thing for me, but I had an anxiety, sort of an episode where I ended up being in a hospital for a couple of weeks. And this was recent. Um, I guess the hardest thing can be when you're comfortable and you're doing whatever it is you do. You're working.

00:14:04.110 --> 00:14:34.820
> Speaker C>If you're an artist, you're doing art, music, whatever it is that you do. And then you can have something like what happened to me. That anxiety, uh, uh, becomes so severe that you're sort of like taken from the life that you're living and you're put in basically need inpatient treatment. Um, inpatient treatment is never fun. Having to go to the hospital is never fun.

00:14:35.960 --> 00:14:35.980
> Speaker A>Um.

00:14:42.009 --> 00:15:06.960
> Speaker C>One day at a time. Um, I expect every day that I hope that I sleep through the night, that uh, my symptoms don't wake me up. That um, can be difficult, but um, it's the day to day everyday struggle of just having to deal with the symptoms, I think.

00:15:07.730 --> 00:15:16.899
> Speaker B>What do you think was the most important thing that you was able to use to make your success or your recovery a success?

00:15:19.669 --> 00:16:30.379
> Speaker C>Just kind of ah, what I already said, um, and not going too much. I don't want to delve too much in the um, like I can talk about sobriety and recovery, but as, ah, far as like meetings, um, being a part of the recovery community, going to meetings, um, the support of the people around me, uh, my family was there. Um, I had counselors and social workers and uh, at one point I had a whole act team, which is people that are devoted to similar to what I was doing in peer sport, um, helping other people. Um, you just get into a rhythm, um, uh, support groups, reaching out and getting into the community a little bit, I would say, like support groups pretty much.

00:16:31.230 --> 00:16:37.500
> Speaker B>Well, your book, can listeners get it on Amazon? Uh, or where can they find the.

00:16:39.789 --> 00:16:58.769
> Speaker C>Amazon? Amazon is the best place to find it. I sort of try to on different, um, it's on goodreads or it's on, uh, Barnes and noble. But I usually tell potential readers the best way to get it is through Amazon.

00:16:59.990 --> 00:17:07.829
> Speaker B>If you had to compare your book to any other book out there, which one would it be? Book or books?

00:17:08.859 --> 00:17:16.630
> Speaker C>M well, my favorite writer author is, uh, Jack Carowack.

00:17:17.460 --> 00:17:53.490
> Speaker C>Um, I try to emulate his writing style a little bit. Uh, he, uh, is known for stream of consciousness and his invention, the, uh, spontaneous prose, which is sort of modified from jazz. The idea of, um, having lyrical prose that is modeled after jazz. Um, his writing style, um. Um, he died from his alcoholism.

00:17:54.890 --> 00:18:17.500
> Speaker C>He never got, uh, help. But, um, as far as writing style, I think that would be it. I've been compared to, um, William Burrows just for the brutal honesty of the addict lifestyle, on the street life.

00:18:19.890 --> 00:18:30.000
> Speaker C>Also Charles Bukowski. Uh, his sort of down and out lifestyle. Ah, living by day, drink the alcoholism, can't hold a job.

00:18:30.880 --> 00:18:38.819
> Speaker C>Um, again, his on and off homelessness. Um, any of those guys really?

00:18:39.750 --> 00:18:46.119
> Speaker B>Well, tell us about any upcoming projects that you're working on that the listeners need to be aware of.

00:18:47.130 --> 00:18:52.069
> Speaker C>Right now I'm devoting a lot of my time to doing podcasts and blogs.

00:18:52.660 --> 00:19:01.019
> Speaker C>Um, like this. Um, I have the second volume of Twilight in York.

00:19:01.039 --> 00:19:06.405
> Speaker C>Um, I have it all written. It's written, edited, polished, proofread.

00:19:06.518 --> 00:19:07.900
> Speaker C>It's ready to go.

00:19:09.890 --> 00:19:33.380
> Speaker C>I'm, uh, trying to find the right timing where I'm ready to release the second volume. Um, that's my main project right now is starting, uh, to get the ball rolling on that one, too, because I don't want to have readers read the volume one and be like, what the heck? Where's the rest of it?

00:19:34.390 --> 00:19:40.200
> Speaker C>So, biggest project is getting that second volume out there sometime soon.

00:19:41.289 --> 00:19:46.920
> Speaker B>Give out your website, your contact information, so people can keep up with everything that you're up to.

00:19:47.910 --> 00:19:56.890
> Speaker C>Uh, I don't have a website. I was talking to somebody yesterday about it. My publisher said, uh, not to do a website.

00:19:56.960 --> 00:20:07.279
> Speaker C>But, um, right now, uh, I can give my email and, um, social media.

00:20:08.609 --> 00:20:13.769
> Speaker C>Um, my email is rgrey.

00:20:13.849 --> 00:20:19.480
> Speaker C>Rgray at ah alumni unca.

00:20:19.480 --> 00:20:21.650
> Speaker C>Uh.edu.

00:20:22.710 --> 00:20:42.986
> Speaker C>And, uh, my name is Ryan Gray. R-Y-A-N-G-R-A-Y. So if you look for the, um. I use Facebook to promote the book. So you look me up on there. Um, uh, website might be a good idea, though.

00:20:43.087 --> 00:21:00.000
> Speaker C>I was going to do one and my publisher said unless you've got, um, multiple books already out, there's no reason to have a website. But I think there might be a good idea to get one.

00:21:00.930 --> 00:21:08.450
> Speaker B>Close us out with some final thoughts. Maybe if that was something I forgot to talk about, that you would like to touch on it just in a final thought you have for the listeners?

00:21:09.140 --> 00:21:16.049
> Speaker C>Um, yeah. Uh, I think a lot of parents identify.

00:21:16.130 --> 00:21:31.900
> Speaker C>Addicts identify. Um, but it's a memoir. It's sort of an adventure. Um, so it's not just for self help.

00:21:32.670 --> 00:21:39.980
> Speaker C>It's also a bit of a novel, something anybody would want to pick up and read.

00:21:40.900 --> 00:21:46.349
> Speaker C>Um, that was it. I think we covered some ground.

00:21:47.329 --> 00:22:01.506
> Speaker B>All right, ladies and gentlemen, go check out that book. If you know of anybody that's having issues with addiction, check out the book. Follow rate review share this episode to as many people as possible, so hopefully Ryan could be an inspiration to them.

00:22:01.688 --> 00:22:07.670
> Speaker B>If you have any guests or suggestion topics, Cjackson 102 at ah Cox. Net is the place to send them.

00:22:07.819 --> 00:22:14.213
> Speaker B>As always, thank you for listening. And Ryan, thank you for joining and being willing to share your story.

00:22:14.412 --> 00:22:20.279
> Speaker C>Thank you, sir. Twilight in York. It's out. Go get it.

00:22:21.450 --> 00:22:34.089
> Speaker A>For more information on the living the Dream podcast, visit www.djcurveball.com until till next time, stay focused on living the dream.

00:22:34.170 --> 00:22:34.410
> Speaker B>Dream.