Jan. 22, 2026
Steamy Transformations: Christina Braver's Journey from Therapist to Romance Author
Send us a text In this captivating episode of Living the Dream with Curveball, we welcome the talented Christina Braver, an author who masterfully blends her background in clinical psychology with her passion for steamy contemporary romance. Christina shares her journey from therapist to novelist, detailing how her love for romance novels inspired her to write stories that not only entertain but also educate readers about intimacy and sexuality. We dive into the evolution of the romance genre...
In this captivating episode of Living the Dream with Curveball, we welcome the talented Christina Braver, an author who masterfully blends her background in clinical psychology with her passion for steamy contemporary romance. Christina shares her journey from therapist to novelist, detailing how her love for romance novels inspired her to write stories that not only entertain but also educate readers about intimacy and sexuality. We dive into the evolution of the romance genre, discussing how it has become more inclusive and diverse, breaking away from outdated stereotypes. Christina provides insight into the creative process behind her steamy scenes, emphasizing the importance of realistic portrayals of intimacy and the challenges faced by her characters. She also addresses the misconceptions surrounding male characters in romance and the need for more authentic representations. Tune in to discover how reading romance can enhance our understanding of relationships and sexual health, and learn more about Christina's upcoming projects, including her new YouTube channel dedicated to sex education. Don't miss this enlightening conversation that encourages us all to embrace the power of love and connection. Explore Christina's work at www.christinabraver.com
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22:06 - (Cont.) Steamy Transformations: Christina Braver's Journey from Therapist to Romance Author
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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Welcome to the Living the Dream podcast with Curveball. if you believe you can achieve. Welcome to the Living the Dream with Curveball podcast, a show where I interview guests that teach, motivate and inspire. Today I am joined by author Christina Braver. She is the author of Steamy Small Town Contemporary Romance, usually set in the Pacific Northwest, and she uses her, master's degree in clinical psychology to create well rounded, story driven characters. So we're going to be talking to her about her writings and everything she's up to and gonna be up to. So Christina, thank you for joining me.
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> Christina Braver>I'm happy to be.
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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Why don't you start off by telling everybody a little bit about yourself.
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> Christina Braver>Well, my name is Christina Braver and I write steamy contemporary romance. I have a master's in clinical psychology, as you mentioned. And I read a ton of books by sex experts and I put real sex information and representation into my steamy scenes. And so that's one of the reasons that I write steamy, so that I can include some real information there for folks.
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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Okay, well, talk to the listeners about how you actually got into writing in, the specific genre of steamy romance.
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> Christina Braver>Sure. well, so I, again, I have a master's in clinical psychology and I was a therapist for several years. And then, my husband and I moved out here to the Pacific Northwest from the Midwest. And I being a therapist, I, loved studying it, I loved the science of it. But the art of being a therapist was a gift that I did not have. And so it was not something that I could really, sustainably continue to do just for my own sort of psychic well being and health. I wasn't great at compartmentalizing my, clients struggles and my ability to stay separate from that. And it kind of took its toll on me emotionally. And my husband said, hey, you know, maybe think about looking for something else. And so when we moved out here to Pacific Northwest, it was sort of a natural opportunity to do that. And I started working for a healthcare technology company and that became my, my primary career. for a couple of decades I worked in the healthcare technology space. And then it with COVID I was laid off. And we had that. We, at the time we had two teenagers at home and we really needed someone to stay home with them, drive them places and sort of be involved in their lives. And so I decided not to go back to work full time. And my husband said, you, know, I said I need to do something. And he said, what do you want to Do. And I said, well, I want to read romance novels all day. And. And he said, well, why don't you write one? And so I did and I just fell in love. It was the perfect, match. I. I've read romance forever for decades and loved it. And writing romance just sort of to be. Seemed to be the perfect marriage between my desire to. My love for romance, my desire to understand people in their wounds, and then also to help people in the world. M. I believe that reading romance can make our sex lives better. And so I. That's why I write what I do in the way that I do. And it was just a natural. It was a natural progression. All of the things that I loved and was interested in, it just all sort of came together with writing romance and I love it.
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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Well, how do you feel like romance novels have changed in recent years?
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> Christina Braver>Well, romance novels have changed in recent years, definitely for a few reasons. there was this concept of romance novels being with these kind of books that were not very realistic and they had on the COVID the Fabio kind of guy with the flowing hair and the damsel in distress. And that's called the bodice ripper. And I often say, you know, romance novels today are no longer your. Your grandmother or your mother's bodice rippers. a couple of reasons that it changed. One, in the early aughts was the invention of the e reader. So now anyone can read a romance novel. Before e readers, you had to go to the bookstore and buy this book with the sexy cover on it and read it either in public and people would. Knew what you were reading or you read it at home in the privacy of your room because it. Reading romance was stigmatized and as something dirty or bad or just for women and had all this stigma around it. So people were not necessarily interested in reading it out on the public. And then with e readers now, anybody could read a romance novel anywhere they wanted to and nobody knew what they were reading.
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> Christina Braver>So that opened up the genre to a huge, huge new audience. Studies, ah, have shown that e readers had the biggest effect on the romance genre than any other genre of literature. second, another component was, in the 2019 prior, just prior to the murder of George Floyd, the romance industry had a, reckoning around sexism and racism and genderism and all of the isms. And what came out of that moment was a drive and a push towards more diversity in romance. Before that time, there was sort of an overarching myth that people only wanted to read romantic stories about Cisgender, heterosexual, white, pretty people. And so the majority of romance novels were written about cisgender, heterosexual, white pretty people. And that is not representative of love or culture. And so after 2019 there was a huge push towards diversity, adding diversity to romance. And self published authors really got their moment to come out and write the books of their heart.
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> Christina Braver>Established traditionally published authors, a lot of them moved to putting what's called hybrid or moved completely to self publishing where they were putting out books to their readers that were the books of their heart that were written with all kinds of characters, all kinds of diversity.
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> Christina Braver>And so this has really changed the romance genre.
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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Now.
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> Christina Braver>Anyone, just about anyone can see themselves in a romance novel. We have all sorts of main characters, different genders, different orientations, neurodivergence, different body types. with the exception of our male MCs, our male main characters, we haven't had, we quite, haven't quite pushed the diversity envelope there.
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> Christina Braver>A lot of times they're tall with very fit and six packs and very large penises. And so part of my mission is to sort of lean into diversity for male main characters as much as we've leaned into diversity other places. But m, needless to say, the romance genre has really exploded to reach a much larger audience of people. And it's just, it's exploded. It's a $1.4 billion plus industry.
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> Christina Braver>so many people are reading us more. The romance genre sells more books than all the other fiction genre genres put together. So it's a huge, huge platform and a huge business. So it's changed a lot. I encourage people to take a look. It is no longer your grandmother's, ah, bodice ripper.
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> Christina Braver>There's a lot of story, there's complex characters. I think a lot of cultural things are being discussed and challenged in romance novels today. Some of my favorite romance novels have been super romantic and sexy, but also have forced me to think about different cultural norms and like the idea of how we define male beauty and how we define male sexiness. And are we giving men as much attention and ability to be who they are as we as writers in romance are giving women today?
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> Christina Braver>So it forces us to think, it forces us to think.
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> Christina Braver>It's a great genre. I love it.
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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Where do you get your ideas for the sex scenes from?
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> Christina Braver>Well, as I mentioned, I have ah, that master's degree and I do read a lot of, of books by sex experts. And so basically my creative process is I take a look at a sexual wound. So I read about, maybe something that's happening in our challenge, that's happening in the real world around sex and sexuality. for example, a lot of women have trouble orgasming from penetration. studies show up to 70 to 80% of vulva owners cannot orgasm from penetration alone. Yet what we see in porn and what we hear about in the world is dick size and all of the thrusting and all of that stuff that doesn't have anything. It's mostly about penetration and isn't really showing us what it takes to please a vulva owner and to help a vulva owner come to climax, which is stimulation of the clitoris. So say I take that problem or that issue, that cultural issue or that cultural assumption that I want to challenge around sex and sexuality, and then I will write, a story. I'll find I'll come up with a couple of characters who have other wounds. or maybe their wound is just around that sexual, that sexual challenge. For example, in my most recent book, Hawaii for Two, the main character, the female main character, Kate, she struggles to orgasm with a partner. she can orgasm while masturbating, but she can't orgasm with a partner. She had some sexual trauma in college, and it has impacted her ability to really trust herself and her body with a partner.
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> Christina Braver>And, so she's kind of on a journey to. Maybe not so much on a journey to experience orgasm with a partner, but it certainly is something she would like to have happen. Meanwhile, my male main character, her counterpart in Hawaii for Two, his name is Levi, and he understands that her orgasm is not his responsibility, and he sort of rejects that idea of. That the patriarchy has sold to men that they are responsible for their female partner's orgasm, that their dick is the most important part of that process, that dick size is really the most important part of that process.
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> Christina Braver>And, And Levi sort of rejects that and really focuses on Kate and what she likes and what feels good and takes the pressure off of orgasm being the end all be all that it's pleasure and connection that are the end all be all of their sexual relationship. And in thinking about that, then, you know what has to happen. The mechanics of, of how they're together. Those sort of things naturally evolve. for example, with Kate. Well, let me back up and say that in romance novels and a lot of love stories and even in our own personal bedrooms, a lot of times we think of sex as foreplay. then there's stimulation in one part of the body, and then you move to the genitals and then there's penetration and then there's orgasm and then they're done. And that's kind of, you know, it's like a map or a pattern that everyone has to follow. And sometimes in romance novels that is the pattern that the. Of the intimate scenes and how they go. And I really wanted to challenge that and need to challenge that with some of the things, some of the sexual problems that I'm looking at. and so for example with Levi and Kate, the first sexual encounter they have or the first really real intimate encounter they have Kate's masturbating and Levi is just there, holding her, comforting her, being part of it. But he is not involved in touching her vulva. He's.
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> Christina Braver>And it's just this moment of sharing and connection between the two lovers and you know, then mayhem ensues and they have, you know, they, they move forward to have other intimate, intimate times and intimate connections. But those sorts of things just sort of evolve. I couldn't have Kate struggling with orgasm that be her sexual wound.
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> Christina Braver>And then the first time that she's in bed with Levi, there's penetration and she comes like. That doesn't. That's probably not going to be how it works. And so I didn't want to sort of put that message out in the world. So a lot of times my steamy scenes, they really do evolve. What happens in those steamy scenes really does evolve from the problem, the sexual problem that I'm looking at in the story and then the background of the characters and how they experience that sexual problem and then just what makes sense. So that's where I get the ideas for all of my steamy scenes.
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> Christina Braver>They, they really grow organically from the character and the plot and the. In the wound.
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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>All right, let's talk about self publishing. Talk about your experience with self publishing and why you chose that path.
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> Christina Braver>Sure. So, self publishing really became popular in sort of 2011, 12 that area, with the invention of or with the proliferation of kdp, which is Kindle direct publishing, Amazon, which made it possible for anyone to publish a book, to write and publish a book. And that's great. Anyone can write and publish a book. And then it's also less great.
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> Christina Braver>Anyone can write and publish a book. And so you have a lot of books out there sometimes in the self publishing space that differ in quality. Not every book that's out there is at this point, not every book that's out there is human written. Now we have AI, doing things, some writing that is less genuine and authentic. but even before AI got involved, there were certainly books out there that were not professionally edited, that were not professionally, reviewed by what we call beta readers, which are people who read the books, right after they're created and give some feedback to the author and help to make those things more authentic and just make the book a little bit better. So, there was diversity. There's lots of quality and not a lot of great quality. So sometimes self publishing has this sort of stigma that, oh, well, you self publish because you couldn't be traditionally published. that wasn't really part of why I chose to self publish. mostly I had a character, I had two characters in my first book that, the main character suffered from endometriosis. And she was in her mid-20s, and then later, 20s, early 30s is her hero. And I had been talking with a friend as I was thinking about whether a, friend in the writing space and did I want to go traditional? Did I want to go self? And she was talking about how she wrote a book about a couple that were in their later 20s, early 30s, and she went to a traditional publisher, sold it to a traditional publisher, and the traditional publisher changed them to their early 20s. And it sort of changed the context of the story. But when she sold that story to the traditional publisher, it was out of her hands, the changes that they could make to the story. And so I decided I wanted to go self publishing because I didn't really want to sell. I wanted my characters to be who they were, who I wrote them to be. And I didn't want the selling of that manuscript to a traditional publisher to give them the right to change Some of the things that I felt were fundamental. you know, like I said, my friend, the age of her characters was really important to my friend, but that isn't something that they had any control over once the manuscript was sold. So that was really the impetus for me not going with traditional publishing. And also, traditional publishing is not what it used to be. You have to have a platform, you have to have a certain amount of following in order to get noticed in the traditional publishing world as a new author. And I didn't have that without self publishing. So, I have chosen the self publishing route, although I am talking to, ah, several colleagues and friends now and kind of considering the idea of writing a book to query to traditional publishers and just to see what's out there. But, I think the overarching, arching reason that I do self publish is because I want to be able to maintain, the story the way that I wrote it, even though it might not be what traditional publishers say they're looking for or what traditional publishers say sell. Right now, it's important to me to write the book of my heart more so than to write something that a traditional publisher would be interested in buying. So that's why I do, self publish. And I mean, self publishing is really hard. It's a lot of, I'm responsible for everything. I'm responsible for writing the book and finding the editor and paying for the editor and making the changes and formatting it and putting it out on Amazon and marketing it and all of the things, I have to do all of that. And I don't get any help with that. And that's a, that's a bit of a negative side. But, but it's, again, it's important enough for me to write the book of my heart and to really own that content right now.
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> Christina Braver>so it was worth it.
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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Well, let's talk about, what are some of the, perspectives or ideas you feel like you have changed with the work that you do?
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> Christina Braver>Sure. yeah, some of the things that I really feel like I'm challenging with the work that I do is, again, that concept of the male main character.
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> Christina Braver>That's really the one of the key areas that I'm, that I'm focusing on. The patriarchy tells men that they need to be a certain way, that they need to act a certain way and look a certain way. And that is actually when. In order to please a woman.
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> Christina Braver>And that is actually not true. again, the. One of the key lies that patriarchy tells men and tells society is that dick size matters. And dick size does matter, but not in the way that people think.
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> Christina Braver>about 2% of the population have what would be considered a big Dick. Most men, 60 to 70% of men, have roughly the same size penis. And yet in romance novels, the penises are huge all the time and they don't hurt. And the men don't have to, do a lot of special care. They don't have to use lube. They can have sex 20 minutes later and the woman feels no problem. and these are not realistic expectations for women or for men. And so one of the things that I'm trying to challenge with some of these ideas that are out in the world about sex and the men have to know, are supposed to know how to please their partner right from the get go, you know, they're, they've sex Education's not telling them how to please a partner. They're just supposed to be born with it. And also, patriarchy tells men they're not supposed to ask questions. They're just supposed to know. So they're not supposed to ask their partner what feels good. They're not supposed to talk to each other in the locker room, like, hey, man, like, what did you. What worked for you and your lady?
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> Christina Braver>And, you know, they're not supposed to ask those questions. They're just supposed to know. And this is a huge expectation. I say to people, it's like asking. Asking men to pass a calculus test without ever having gone to class. Like, with. That's an unrealistic expectation. Yet patriarchy sends this message out into culture to tell men that this is what's expected of them. You need to make your.
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> Christina Braver>Your lover come. You need to know how to do it without asking questions. And if you can't, it's probably because your penis is too small. And these things are all not true. They're all lies.
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> Christina Braver>And so, and they're harmful. Like, we. I go on these, message boards and different, you know, writing communities, people writing about all kinds of things like medium and substack, and men are crying out about the pain that they are in.
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> Christina Braver>And we see it from a sociological perspective.
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> Christina Braver>We're seeing it. Young men today are struggling and hurting. And some of that has to do with these expectations that they have no idea how to meet and are no longer able to meet them. And their partners, the women that they're with, are no longer really saying. Women are sort of coming out and saying, no, I want to enjoy sex. I deserve to enjoy sex. And these are things that you can do to help me enjoy sex. And some men are threatened by that or feeling like, well, if I don't know how to please her in the bedroom, I'm less of a man. If she is to tell me what feels good, I don't just automatically know, then that makes me less of a man. And so just a lot of these concepts that are swirling in the culture that Ben are being steeped in, are just not true. And, you know, romance is a huge genre, a huge platform. If I can use that space to put information out into the world that's more truthful, then I feel like that that's a worthwhile thing to do, that. That. Let's put that information out there, because you've got a lot of women reading these books and women who are partnered with men, and they may think they're Missing out because their lover has an average sized penis. And they read all these books about these giant penises and how great they are and how like the partners just come after, you know, a few pumps of penetration. And they come, they, they see it in every romance novel that they're reading. Then they're thinking, well, this, maybe this is the way it's supposed to be. sex education is failing, failing us in the world today. Most millennials and gen zers, they get their sex education information either online, so, or from porn or friends, they, or social media. They don't get it from school. So people are looking at other information for resources, resources about sex.
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> Christina Braver>And if they're looking to porn, which we know that they are, chances are there that some people are also looking to romance novels for that information. And so I want to put some real information into romance novels and challenge some of those ideas that are holding us down, particularly around sex. We don't talk about sex.
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> Christina Braver>and we really should because the ignorance that's out there is harming people. Men, men in particular. And men have a lot of power in this world and hurt people, hurt people. So if you've got people with power who are hurting, they may find opportunities to lash out to other people, partners, women in general. And they may take that opportunity to do that. And that just causes a lot of harm in other ways too. So those are some of the, some of the ideas I really want to challenge are really revolve around the patriarchal expectations of men and how I can write male main characters that defy that patriarchal expectation.
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> Christina Braver>Definitely.
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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Well, what does steamy mean compared with other genre descriptions like sweet?
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> Christina Braver>Sure. So that great question. A lot of people ask that question and I wish I had a hard and fast answer. I do have a somewhat hard and fast answer.
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> Christina Braver>So there's oftentimes you talk about the explicitness M levels of romance, based on called doors. And so you have clean. Sweet. Sweet is usually completely clean. What you might consider Christian romance or religious romance where there's. Or like a Hallmark movie without kissing.
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> Christina Braver>sometimes there's just less no kissing at all. You might have, sweet can also have kissing, but certainly no other physical note. Not even really a hint at physical. More of a deeper physical relationship between the couple. and then you have the doors and so open what's called closed door, some suite might have reference to sex happening between the couple. But you're not in the room.
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> Christina Braver>It's closed door. It, that's what that's what we call closed door. The couple is together and then passion overcomes them and he sweeps her up in his arms and they go off into the bedroom and. And then the next morning, she's sitting on the bed brushing her hair, so. And maybe reflecting on what a great passionate time they had together.
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> Christina Braver>But there's no details, on the page specifically.
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> Christina Braver>So that's usually what we call sweet or clean. And so there's just kind of some different variation in there. Anywhere from no sex, no kissing, to sex. But you don't really know anything. You're not. You're certainly what we call not in the room. It's closed door. And then you have what's called open door, which is usually referred to as steamy. And you're in the room and. But even in that space, open door, it can be very varied levels. once you're inside the room, there's varied levels of spiciness. And so. But with open door, you're in the room. But it can be very descriptive with all the graphic terminology, which is a little bit closer to what I write. Or it could be, sort of more flowery words and very quick description. This happened, then this happened, and then I felt this way, and then it was over. to all the way to all the. He put his hand here, I put my leg there. His kiss felt this way. All of the, you know, all of these much more detail and graphic language about it. So steamy. I tell people, steamy. You can expect that there's going to be sex and that you're going to be in the room for it. So they're going to describe it to a certain degree. But what degree that is varies.
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> Christina Braver>And it's smart to just sort of know, know an author. most authors will stick to. If they're, if they write a certain level of steam, they will stick to that steam level in any other book that they go through, or that they write so that they know that the readers. Because the readers are going to expect them to stay consistent with that steam level. Plus, as a writer, I don't want someone who picks up one of my books that, and thinks that, oh, this is, this is the perfect amount of steam. And then I write another book and there's nothing in it that would be a disappointment. They, I'm not giving them what they think they're going to get or what they're expecting from a Christina Braver novel. So a lot of authors follow that same suit if they have a certain level of steam. They're going to maintain that level of steam, probably not get even steamier. There is something called erotic romance which is even steamier than steamy if you will, more explicit than steamy. Erotic romance is typically doesn't have much plot. It's not super plot driven, it's more sex driven. and what happens during the sex time, the sexual acts in the intimate time between the couple is more the focus. There's not really the plot sort of loosely strings together these sexual opportunities for the, for the main characters and that's, that's delineated as what's called erotica and it is a specific sort of sub genre of romance and it's one that I don't know, has some stigma, stigma attached to it as well. But m. It serves it, it serves a purpose and it's a perfectly valid and valuable genre, sub genre of romance. But it's definitely. The emphasis is much more on the sex acts that's happening between, that are happening between the couple and less on character development and less on the story structure of what's bringing. What wounds the characters have that bring them together, those kinds of things.
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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Well, tell us about any upcoming projects that you're working on that people need to be aware of.
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> Christina Braver>Sure. one of the things, one of the things that I'm working on right now is I'm planning out some topics. I'm going to start a Ah, YouTube channel to talk about some of this sex education stuff. I have a blog on my website that has a lot of information, sex education information. I have a resources tab on my website with a lot of the books that I've read by therapists that I recommend for people to take a look at their real sex information resources. They're written by again like, again written by prominent sex experts and therapists. and I swear I want to lean a little bit more into that information. And so I'm going to be starting a YouTube channel here in the next couple of months putting out some sort of short form. Short, short form, not porn short form, videos talking about real sex information and then just different romance novels that I think are getting it right and some of that information to kind of help bridge that, that gap and make some of the information just a little bit more approachable. So, and then I'll be working. I have a couple of series, new series ideas in my head. Like many writers, I have two or three books at a time sort of taking up space in my Brain.
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> Christina Braver>Living rent free in my brain. So I'll be working on some of those stories, throughout the year as well. So I don't have any, any upcoming publish, publication deadlines happening, right now. But I do have nine books that are already published and out into the world. So I'll be, focusing on those and helping people to become more aware of those, but then also to sort of get that message out about real sex, positive representation and, and how we can get that information out into the world more. Because we need it. The world needs it.
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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Absolutely. With the. Watch your contact info so people can keep up with everything that you're up to.
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> Christina Braver>Yes, yes. so I'm. The best place to reach me is my website, which is, Christina braver.com and that's Christina with a ch. And there's a contact Me page there where you can reach out to me via email.
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> Christina Braver>That's a great way to contact me. Also, I'm on Instagram at Christina Braverromance and also on Facebook at Christina Braver Romance. and I'm most active on Instagram and then also on threads as Christina Braver Romance as well. So, that's where I usually spend most of my social media time is on Instagram and then now on threads a little bit.
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> Christina Braver>Because, I do like to have these conversations. I like to talk about it. I often say, you know, let's talk about sex, let's talk about romance, let's talk about how romance can save the world.
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> Christina Braver>So I like to, to be on those spaces. So please come check me out there. Also check out my website, the resources page. A lot of great information. And then there's on my books page, you can, you can read all about the nine books that I have published out there right now and see if there's a couple or a story or a trope that spikes, sparks your interest. And then, feel free to check it out. That'd be great.
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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>We'll close this out with some final thoughts.
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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Maybe if that was something I forgot to talk about, that you would like to touch on any final thoughts you have for the listeners.
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> Christina Braver>M m, I. One of the things that I do talk about, I mentioned it early on that I believe romance can make our sex lives better. And one of the ways.
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> Christina Braver>There are four ways that I think that that happens. One, reading romance can turn us on.
00:31:42.360 --> 00:33:59.070
> Christina Braver>Especially steamy, explicit romance. It's just, It's a thing. It can turn us on. Studies have shown that women typically respond more to, Written or spoken, explicit content as opposed to visual content. and I personally think that's because, like, you can't unsee. Like, if I read something or listen to it, the pictures that are in my mind are things that my brain is comfortable picturing. if I watch something that's explicit and it's going to make me. And it's more than I can handle, I can't unsee it because that image is already out there. So, a lot of women do read or listen to audio erotica, and that's something that can absolutely turn us on. It can get us thinking about intimacy, which is something that's particularly difficult for vulva owners. we have what's called the accelerator and the brakes. We have things that turn us on, but we have things that get in the way of helping us to really feel that arousal. And those are called our breaks. And so a lot of times, lovers think, oh, they just need to push harder on what turns us on. But really what needs to happen is letting off the brakes of the things that are getting in the way of that arousal. Things like stress, anxiety, things that we have to worry about childcare or caring for others. Because, providing that care can increase the levels of estrogen in our brains, which naturally decreases the testosterone levels, which testosterone is really related to our sexual desire. Taking off the things that push on that caregiving and on that estrogen, those things that increase our estrogen can help keep the testosterone levels in our brain kind of high. So we're. We're at least at a biological place where we can become aroused and also just thinking about intimacy and sort of getting into that space with something, that people can do. Go off, read a romance novel for a little while. Then you're sort of in that head space of thinking about intimacy and relationships and then being positive and being good. and then also there's. Romance novels can provide like, sexy tips or positions or ideas that can normalize things that maybe we've been thinking about but really know how to talk about with our partner. We can say, hey, I read this romance novel and they did this, and I thought it was kind of interesting. And have a conversation with your partner about whether they think it's interesting. And it's a little bit of a safer, safer thing than to say, hey, I would like, I would like to try you tying me up in this way.
00:33:59.710 --> 00:34:59.489
> Christina Braver>That might be a little bit more than a partner could say to another partner if they're not comfortable. But they could say, hey, I read this romance novel and he tied her up and it was kind of interesting. And I never really thought about it. And what do you think about it? And it's sort of an easier way to start a conversation about different things. Tips. And again, it normalizes some of those behaviors. and then it gives us some insight into our fantasies. Like if we find ourselves attracted to a particular romance trope or story that can tell us a little bit about what we are. Ah, what turns us on. Because we all have different turn ons. There isn't just one thing. We all have different fantasies. Our sexual fantasies are not really under our control. They just sort of happen in our mind. And they're not, they don't tell us any disturbing thing. Usually they don't tell us anything disturbing about ourselves. We might have something, a sexual fantasy that may seem a little bit disturbing, but if you break it down, it really isn't. And one of the more common ones that is people call it the rape fantasy. It's not, I don't like that name, the rape fantasy.
00:34:59.489 --> 00:35:55.710
> Christina Braver>It's really more about a fantasy where the partner doesn't have control. So this is pretty common with people who struggle to enjoy sexual pleasure because, a lot of times if they're struggling to enjoy it, the idea that they can't control it happening and they can't control whether or not they enjoy it actually frees them up to be able to enjoy it. So a lot of people are having fantasies about someone who's so obsessed with them and must have sex with them, or someone who overtakes them and has sex with them because they just can't control themselves. that's a, that's a really common fantasy. And I think some people who have it might feel like, oh my gosh, that's, I'm so disturbed by that. But if you really open it up, think about it, talk about it, learn about, gives you some insight into, you know, maybe how you feel about sex, what you need to get out of your sexual relationships. And it's not necessarily that you want to. No one, no one wants to be raped. Raped is about. Rape is about violence.
00:35:55.710 --> 00:36:14.039
> Christina Braver>It's not about sex. No one wants to be raped. So that's why I don't like that, that title referring to that fantasy as the right fantasy. It's not the right fantasy. It's more about being overcome or being someone's obsession that they just can't control themselves around you being so attracted to me that they just can't control themselves.
00:36:15.210 --> 00:36:33.829
> Christina Braver>that idea of being that desirable is the fantasy and a safe way to talk with your partner. Your partner can safely let you know how much they desire you, and that could really be a feeder for your arousal level. If you find that out about yourself and you share that with your partner, and that can be a real feeder for your arousal level.
00:36:33.829 --> 00:36:54.179
> Christina Braver>And letting your partner know that if they tell you how much they want you and how much they desire you, how much they thought about you all day, that that can really turn you on. That's great information to know about yourself. So. So I think reading romance can make our sex lives better. And I, encourage people to go out and read romance, give it a shot. It's not, it's not what you thought it was. It's not what it used to be.
00:36:54.859 --> 00:37:01.369
> Christina Braver>so check it out, take a look. Read my books or someone else's. but get out there and try it because I think the world needs more love in it.
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> Christina Braver>So let's read more romance.
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> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>Yeah. And you can check out Christina's books@christinabraver.com so you guys go check that, fantasy romance out and share, this to as many people as possible. Maybe we can get them interested. And I, would also like you to check out www.craveball337.com so you can get more information on the show. You can follow the show and go there and sign up for the, email list so you can get exclusive content in the newsletter and alerts about episodes and behind the scenes stuff. Thank you for listening and supporting the show. And Christina, thank you for all that you do and thank you for joining me.
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> Christina Braver>Absolutely. Thank you for having me, Curtis. It was nice to talk with you.
00:37:49.549 --> 00:38:11.269
> Curtis Jackson (also known as DJ Curveball)>For more information on the Living the Dream with Curveball podcast, Visit www. Do curveball337.com until next time, keep living the dream.
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