Breaking Through Grief's Timeline Myth with Ligia Houben

rief transcends timelines—this profound truth emerged clearly in my recent conversation with grief expert, author, and life transition coach Ligia Houben on the Living the Dream Podcast. As someone who has dedicated her life to helping people navigate the complex terrain of loss, Ligia brings both professional expertise and deeply personal experience to her work, having lost her father suddenly when she was just 12 years old. This early encounter with grief ultimately shaped her professional path, leading her to study psychology, specialize in grief, and become a thanatologist—someone who studies death and dying.

One of the most significant misconceptions about grief, according to Ligia, is the belief that it follows a predictable timeline. Many grievers face societal pressure to "move on" after an arbitrary period—often a year after their loss. This expectation creates additional stress during an already challenging time. As Ligia eloquently explains, "Our love doesn't have a timeline. Love is eternal. When we lose a loved one, love stays with us." Grief, as an expression of missing someone we deeply love, naturally extends beyond any artificial timeframe we might try to impose on it.

Grief evolves rather than disappears. While the initial tsunami of acute grief may gradually become more manageable, grief's recurrent nature means that even years after a loss, a special date, song, or memory can trigger powerful emotions. This understanding offers validation to those who wonder why they still feel sadness years after loss—it's not regression, but rather the natural ebb and flow of grief's journey, reflecting the enduring nature of love.

Ligia's 11 Principles of Transformation emerged organically as she sought to provide practical tools for grievers. Remarkably, when she finished outlining these principles, she discovered there were exactly 11—a number with profound personal significance, as her father died on November 11, 1971 (11-11). This synchronicity affirmed for her that she was on the right path. The principles serve as a roadmap for the bereaved, beginning with "Accept your loss" and "Live your grief," emphasizing the importance of acknowledging reality and validating emotions rather than suppressing them.

While we often discuss Elisabeth Kübler-Ross's famous stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance), Ligia emphasizes that not everyone experiences all stages, and they rarely unfold in a linear fashion. Denial often serves as a psychological buffer against overwhelming pain, allowing us to gradually comprehend the reality of our loss. Acceptance doesn't mean being "okay" with what happened, but rather acknowledging reality and making conscious choices about how to move forward.

Throughout our conversation, Ligia emphasized that grief requires active engagement. Practical strategies like journaling help process emotions by connecting thoughts to feelings and ultimately to actions. Physical exercise proves invaluable because "when we move, when we change our physical state, we also change our emotional state." These tools help transform grief from overwhelming suffering to a place of honoring loved ones through love—a powerful shift in perspective that doesn't diminish the loss but changes our relationship to it.

Ligia continues to expand her impact through online programs, podcasts in both English and Spanish, and plans to certify others in her methodology. Her message remains consistent and powerful: we can choose how we navigate grief. By embracing rather than suppressing our emotions, we honor both our loved ones and ourselves, finding a path forward that preserves connection while allowing healing. As Ligia so beautifully reminds us, "You can choose to move from a place of suffering to a place of honoring with love." www.ligiahouben.com