Feb. 11, 2021

Aligning Personal Happiness-Chance & Professional Happiness-Stance | Constance Ao

Aligning Personal Happiness-Chance & Professional Happiness-Stance | Constance Ao

Aligning Personal Happiness❤️chance with Professional Happiness
Does this seem a little overwhelming?
Perhaps you need your own AI personal matchmaker assistant? Canadian engineer @Justin Long has built just such an AI assistant he calls @Bernie AI.
Knowledge Bomb
Justin Long thinks that personal dating apps like Bernie AI are the future of digital dating tech. It gives new meaning to how you spend your time, give it to a digital matchmaker.


Series 2 ❤️King and ❤️Queen comes from a “techno-optimist” viewpoint of online dating.  This episode goes into the WHY, WHO and How to plan and balancing your Personal Happiness with as much attention as you give to your Professional Happiness.  

Constance Ao adds to a rich conversation and offers listeners a gift:

10 Single Deep dive sessions for the ladies listening in. 20% off Coupon code: QUEEN

Bullet Points

  • Fairytale Romance with a Twist: checkout the Shrek series through to Shrek Forever After and soon to be released Shrek 5. [2:45]  
  • Is there more cheating or more open relationships? [13:12]
  • Dating sites for those seeking clowns to zombies. [16:48-19:00]
  • Who has a BFF feature and anti-harassment feature? [19:54] 
  • If it's a serious relationship you want … do you know which dating App’s slogan is “designed to be deleted?” [20:25] 
  • The complexities of social connections, online life. real life and your digital autobiography. [23:38]  

Knowledge Bomb

  • “Turning a Princess into a Queen and Prince Charming into a King” [1:37 & 6:29]
  • Happiness-chance: does love at first sight exist. Have you ever had this experience?  [24:03]  

About the Guest

Constance Ao has been an intuitive her entire life, and after healing from an unhealthy codependent relationship that broke down her self-esteem, she stepped into Queen energy and attracted her soulmate in 2012. Since then she has committed to the heart path and serving women in the realm of soulmate love.

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CLUBHOUSE: @soullovecoach

About the Show

Podcast Host: Life & Leadership: A Conscious Journey with Dr. Michelle St Jane

A podcast for Global and Re-Emerging Leadership creating community/tribe, a circle of influence, transcendency of compassionate leadership in the world and wider universe. A unique destination for learning about Leadership + Conscious Stewardship + Legacy.

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Transcript

Outro  0:07  

You're listening to Life and Leadership: A Conscious Journey. The podcast that shares wisdom and strength. Join your host, Dr. Michelle St Jane weekly conversation on how to have a positive impact for people, planet and the wider world. If you want to live a life with intention, be proactive with your time and bring your vision for the future to life one day at a time, you are in the right place at the right time. Let's get started.

Michelle St Jane  0:38  

Let's dip into the intuitive rhythm of your heart with a psychic soulmate coach. Welcome, Constance Ao. Glad to have you on board for Series 2 ❤️King and ❤️Queen.

Constance Ao  0:52  

Thank you It is an honor.

Michelle St Jane  0:54  

I love some of the work that you do. You talk about limiting love patterns. 

Constance Ao  1:02  

Such a big topic. Most people don't really think about it. Notice do you keep attracting: 

  • the same kind of person; or 
  • the same kind of scenario in your life. 

It becomes it's a pattern, you know.

Often we pick those patterns up from our beliefs and sometimes those are passed down from our parents or sometimes it's societal conditioning.

Michelle St Jane  1:29  

Yeah, like being codependent. Absolutely. That's a major sabotaging pattern. Particularly for women. 

1:37  

I love another reference “turning a princess into a queen.” 

I am not a big fan of the Disney Princess. Prince Charming. So I'm like, Oh, heavens, no, I would really like to be the queen of mind space and share that companionship with someone who's the king because Prince Charming, to me, is a like an adolescence in a man suit. What do you think about that?

Constance Ao  2:02  

I completely agree. Funny, how we grew up watching that kind of stuff - like we need to be saved.  You can turn into a queen when you realize some of your princess patterning. How, how you respond and how you relate, are holding you back from really attracting your partner, to step up into his kingdom, or just attracting the right quality of person that you want.

Michelle St Jane  2:34  

Shout out to Disney! It's time to show us what Princess Jasmine looks like in midlife. Same with Ariel and Snow White and the others. What are those women up to? 

2:45  

I quite liked the Shrek series with the Ogre in and Princess Fiona.

Oh my gosh, if anyone really wants to get on board with fairytale romance with a twist, checkout, the Shrek series through to Shrek Forever After. They are so delightful. How they play on the fairy godmother and mother-in-law and you know, the princesses. Surely, it's time for Disney to turn out some great movies about what the Queens are doing these days. Real women. Right?

Constance Ao  3:20  

Right.

Michelle St Jane  3:22  

I love the fact that you use your intuition and psychic abilities to find the right relationships and discern Mr. or Miss. Wrongs. Can you speak a little bit to that?

Constance Ao  3:32  

Online dating, I feel like the psychic abilities comes into like this deep energetic healing work, where a lot of it is about love and acceptance of yourself, so we can become like a true queen. 

3:53  

We can magnetize the right kind of person. Sometimes I'm able to see under the surface of what's going on and identify some of the patterns that are there that might be hard for the person I'm working with, to see or to understand.  I can look between the lines. I don't always do it specifically with my clients. I can also get a clear picture of maybe the person who they are calling in, because that's actually a lot of women who've only witnessed unhealthy relationships. What can they actually expect? What is actually possible> Sometimes that helps to bring in that energy so they can believe in it and feel it.  Start opening up to a better possibility of what a relationship can look like.

Michelle St Jane  4:42  

You make such a good point. I grew up in a very angry household, my parents had lots of dysfunction.  I've had to do lots of work around that and also be present and positive and my parenting and grandparenting in the hopes of not replicating or continuing those legacies. 

For me, I'm very much leaning into my heart and my soul. Listening to that higher frequency, leaving it  to resonates through my body.  Listen in a way that I can actually hear a quality man and actively listen to what he's saying. Lean into what is a quality relationship for me. I think you make a really valid point around:

  • What are you manifesting? 
  • What are you magnetizing? 
  • What are the constants? 

5:27  

Constance, have you done some online dating? Do you have some stories to share around that. 

Constance Ao  5:32  

I did meet my husband sort of online, but not in a traditional online dating type of way. At the time, he was working on a movie project, riding his bicycle around the United States. I found his project online and reached out to him because I was curious about it. Then we were just like Facebook friends for a while. He actually moved to Hawaii. He finally sent me the movie.  I heard his voice for the first time after being just, you know, friends online.  His voice was really nice. It felt very soothing, and like home to me. So I told him, it was “really cool, I finally got to hear your voice.” Then he wanted to hear mine. We began to talk on the phone, then on Skype, video calls, and then he bought me a ticket to go to Hawaii, and the rest was history.

Michelle St Jane  6:29  

Well, Facebook took a little while to get into the online dating space now on since 2018. It'll be very interesting to see how they possibly disrupt some of the big players and open up areas. Do you have any advice for people who want to turn from Princesses to Queens and Prince Charming to Kings?

Constance Ao  6:50  

My biggest advice would be:

  • to really know yourself
  • to fall in love with who you are
  • to value yourself, and 
  • to understand your needs. 
  • When you have that deep understanding and deep commitment then: that love guides you and how you communicate, 
  • that love guides you and how you're walking out into the world and your energy

Energy is attractive or repelling. 

Keep in that that Queen of your heart space. Keeps yourself in that energy where you have that self-commitment, and you're open, willing to be responsible for things and forgive. Just allow yourself to receive on a new level.

Michelle St Jane  7:37  

Thank you, Constance. I really appreciate you sharing for the series. I’ll put links to you in the show notes. Would you like to just wrap up with how listeners, if they wish to, get in touch with you?

Constance Ao  7:49  

I am on Instagram. I am @psychic.soulmate coach and I am on Facebook and have a private Facebook group. I recently started on clubhouse. I love to coach.  

Michelle St Jane  8:16  

I really appreciate your time Constance and your place in the world and how you're contributing to helping the kings and queens of hearts find this soulmate? 

Constance Ao  8:25  

Absolutely. It is a pleasure and an honor.

Michelle St Jane  8:28  

The series is all about the Queen of Hearts and King of Hearts. Please note the content for the Series 2 is driven by a need for at least discuss conversation. This topic came about because we're facing a new norm backed by little data experience fact and research. What we thought we knew and think we now know is being flipped without notice. Let's start the conversation. expand our thinking about what's going on in the world. As we evolve through a period striped with velocity of change. Series 2 will be revisited in January 2022 and updated with all the new data and some new thoughts. 

9:10  

Episode 24: The why the whom in the how. The series is approached from a techno optimistic viewpoint of online dating.

9:20  

Planning and balancing your personal happiness with as much attention as you give to your professional happiness comes to the fore like never before. Post 2020 with forced physical isolation, mandatory remote closure of non-essential businesses, remote and virtual work in person time is mostly limited to screen a family social and work interactions. Mobile and online dating are expecting to outperform in their industry, more so than in previous years. Thanks to this new normal, being socially acceptable the social acceptance of online dating Physical isolation and the ease of connecting with other people online, unlike ever before. If you wish to pursue your personal happiness, find a companion as effectively as you pursue your professional success in smart people should be able to connect with people worthy of them.

10:18  

Let’s move on the WHY. 

This is an opinion piece about my efforts to find out the key dating trends and my humble offering of what I've learned in the aid of informing you your knowledge in some of what you need to know about making decisions around online dating. Some statistics, pandemic impacts to inform the current data and research will no doubt change and more likely dramatically. 

10:45  

The demand for dating industry services is dependent on consumer preferences, seasonality, internet usage and the proportion of adults. The consumers range in age from 20 to well over 70. 

10:59  

Industry researcher IBIS World predicts that the love market will grow. This is due to the ease of access to internet and the acceptance of online dating. IBIS world reports that there are in excess of 2000 businesses. The market size is over 4 billion and growing rapidly. 

11:20  

Why you might ask yourself? 

The reasons range from: 

  • professional matchmakers are more expensive than online dating
  • forced physical isolation, sheltering in place
  • mandatory remote and virtual work
  • closures of non-essential businesses
  • in person time is limited to the screen. 

11:41  

The who:

St. Augustine once said, “the measure of love is to love without measure.” 

Who are these kings and queens of the heart? 

Online dating users range in age from 20 to well over 70.  The names of dating sites and apps show the diversity of users.  Check out these names: 

  • Christian dating
  • Jewish dating, J date 
  • Asian dating
  • black dating
  • senior dating
  • gay dating, lesbian dating, Her

Match Group Inc, in eHarmony are the major players. Mind you Facebook's swipe right since 2018 will no doubt trigger a merger of some sort on the horizon. 

12:24  

Back to who's online?  Your family? Your coworkers?

Let's break it down:

  • 65% of never married millennials, those born between 1981 and 1996 use dating platforms 
  • 53% have never married Gen x's, those born between 1965 and 1980 are on online dating
  • In contrast, 29% of never married baby boomers, that's post World War Two to 1964 are online dating

12:58  

The current landscape increases the finding the one and lessens the impact of isolation, the Tick Tock of biological clocks, ages and discrimination. I could go on.

13:12  

Heads up online dating platform engagement use by cohabitating Americans has increased from 15% in 2015 to 40% in 2019. 

What do you think:

 Is there more cheating? 

Or more open relationships since 2020? 

Will this stat go up? Go down? 

January 2022 I'll be revisiting the topic and on the hunt for current statistics that better reflect post 2020. 

Each month I will be publishing another episode with a guest around a topic suited to Series 2. 

13:42 

Be smart .Check, check and check again, his or her partnership status. Consider: 

  • Are you in the type of relationship that you wish to be in? 
  • Does this align with your values? 
  • Are you or the other person upfront about partners? 
  • Do you all agree and have workable boundaries?
  • STDs and health checks for the Likes of viruses, fungi, bacteria or other underlying conditions are current? 
  • Have they been shared? 
  • Is three’s a crowd for you? 

Clearly some think not. Or some do not know? 

Pew fact tank researchers Anderson and Vogel published in March 2020 that:

“5% of cohabiting and 3% of married people say they are currently online using dating services. 1% of all married adults and 2% of all cohabitating adults in the US, our current users of dating sites or 

dating apps.”

Check, check and recheck somebody's relationship status.  Is it right for you. Great. Or if it's not right for you. Please notice. Please go deeper. 

14:58 

All right, moving on. The How

Dating hubs occur less in real life and more in your online life. Continuing from a position of techno optimism, dating websites and dating APPs, are about connecting you with singles or people who are not so single around the globe, or wherever you wish to pursue relationship patterns. 

According to Marina Adshade, a professor at the Vancouver School of Economics, University of Columbia and the School of Public Policy at Simon Fraser University, tells us from a purely economic point, dating apps solve what she calls a thin market problem is in real life, there are too few romantic options. Lean in online life maximizes your chance if you take response-ability, because it has more to offer more ease and efficiency. 

15:53 

Let's face it, you can resolve your courtship crisis. With the conveniences, like  geolocation offered by dating apps. All you need is a smartphone to locate potential dates nearby. 

16:05 

Questions that have been on my mind are:

  • What is the most convenient character of our complex selves? 
  • Is it time to explore our digital selves? 
  • Who are we algorithmically? 
  • Which self-Do You present in digital dialogues? 
  • How can you talk about your life in bytes – B Y T E S? 

16:27 

Questions too big for this series for sure. I'll put them on my list for future those less discuss conversations. 

16:35 

Do you have online dating preferences? 

Believe me, you have many options!

I know you're thinking by region or by city right. Well, how about specific interests? 

16:48 

There are some very interesting standalone free dating sites. For example: 

  • gluten free singles 
  • clown dating 
  • What about you zombie groupies? Yes, there's if we're kind of walking dead obsession
  • Bristler, for those who love a beard
  • or do you like mustaches? Check out stash passions.com
  • love flutter is a UK dating Twitter app for discovering peoples and places. Just love some of the weird and wonderful tweets. I had a look. And someone said, “I'm looking for someone who thinks I'm funny, and they're not depressed
  • for sporty people Meet Me Outside and 
  • the slow dating app Once even let status, monitor their heart rates on dates through the Fitbit to tell them how much they found their date arousing mind you're not sure how advanced this technology is because it could just be your movements. 

17:52 

Interestingly positioned in the love market, Once is a dating app that uses matching algorithms to deliver just one match per day to each user. Once pitches itself is an alternate to the frenetically paced apps. 

The slow dating app Once has been acquired by the Dating group for $18 million. 

18:13 

Have you heard of site matching?  Well, if you like to travel, you can combined sightseeing and finding your match. 

18:21 

More on the diversity of choice:

The Passion Network is a small empire of about 250 dating hubs. If you like little ponies, there's a dating hub for My Little Pony fans. They have their own hub check out brony passions.com

If you are looking for someone within your faith, there's:

  • Christian dating Christian mingle 
  • Jewish dating j thing. 

If a diversity is your driver, there's: 

  • Asian dating 
  • black dating. 

If age is your driver, there is: 

  • senior dating 
  • date my age which is for 45 plus singles. 

For sexual orientation there is :

  • gay dating 
  • her 

19:07 

Dating sites founded by women are: 

Bumble 

Coffee Meets Bagel with the three-day rule

19:14 

Bumble is a woman led dating app set up for women to message first and he has to message back within 24 hours or lose the match. 

Bumble revealed recently that two and five of the people they surveyed are taking longer to get to know someone as a result of the pandemic lockdown. 38% of Bumble users admit that their lockdown has made them want something more serious. 

FYI, Bumble is going public and claims to have 42 million monthly active users. It has been suggested that the rate of highly confident men tends to be higher on this site. 

19:54 

Bumble has added a BFF feature if you need to explore the best friend forever option. As of November 2020, 

Bumble introduced a new feature to prevent bad actors from using the dating set unmatched to hide from themselves from those they harass. 

20:10  

Coffee Meets Bagel sends bagels (a match) each day and helps you with icebreakers for your first message.  Coffee Meets Bagel profiles go deeper than Tinder. 

20:25  

If you need a little extra help. Hinge is designed to make user profiles more engaging, and hopefully effective. Their current slogan is designed to be deleted. And if it's a serious relationship you want, this might be the dating app for you. 

20:38  

Tinder, often known as hookup hub.  Although feedback indicates if may possibly lead to a ‘LTR’ a long-term relationship.

20:48  

Happened in matches you to people who are in your physical location helping you meet someone organically. 

20:55  

The League is an elite dating app the requires you to apply to get access. They also want your LinkedIn profile. 

21:02  

BeLinked. I'm curious about this one. BeLinked is the first interactive mobile dating application that allows you to find your match using LinkedIn quality user base. Max Fischer he's the CEO says that they're based off of the LinkedIn platform using a new feature called BeIntroduced that allows you to be a potential Matchmaker or other people act as a matchmaker for you. The feature, who's looking at my profile is one of the most used features on the LinkedIn site. It allows people to match on the basis of age, gender and distance and on top of that, you can filter by industry and universities. 

21:43  

The Match Group is the largest operator and has been on the scene since last century. 

Match has 45 brands.  

Tinder is the highest grossing non-gaming app globally.

Tinder, Match, Meetic, OkCupid, Hinge, Pairs, PlentyOfFish, and OurTime, BlackPeopleMeet, and Chemistry.com

As the past CEO of OkCupid Sam Yagan said: “every single person is born single.”

22:14  

The next major player is eHarmony. Coming along side of these as of 2018 is Facebook. Just create your profile from your Facebook account,  it will be separate from your Facebook account and your current Facebook friends. Anyone outside of the dating won't see your profile. 

22:33  

Need more options to check out? There at singles events, speed dating events, and people are putting together online parties. 

22:39  

Does this all seem a little overwhelming? 

Perhaps you need your own AI personal matchmaker assistant? Canadian engineer Justin Long, built just such an AI assistant he calls Bernie AI. Justin was feed up with how much time he spent swiping, and messaging compared to going on actual dates. He decided the bot could do the search for him. So Bernie asks users to link to their accounts and then Bernie does the swiping. Bernie models individual tastes and then Bernie starts doing the swiping for you on an app like Tinder until he encounters a mutual match.

23:17  

Justin Long thinks that personal dating apps like Bernie AI are the future of digital dating tech. It gives new meaning to how you spend your time, give it to a digital matchmaker. Bernie has access to your calendar, your GPS locations.  He deals with the logistics for you. Algorithms are getting so good. Do You want to trust their decisions more than your own? 

23:38  

The complexities of social connections, online life and real life. 

The presentation about online life equates to creating an expression of yourself and your life in writing, or video.  In essence your digital auto biography. 

23:52  

You're telling people about your activities, your memories, your worldview, the changes that are happening in your life, do a dating, deconstruct if you've been around online dating already.

24:03  

We're inundated with entertainment media and encourages us to find the one by chance. I call this happiness chance. does love at first sight exist. Have you ever had this experience? A movie that comes to mind for me is the Bridges of Madison County, Robert James Wallace is the author and then this these people they do not experience love at first sight when they meet but they feel so drawn to each other. Robert Redford and Meryl Streep do this amazing job of a feeling I think some of us have experienced before. 

24:43  

Where do we reenact previous lives by chance or by choice.?

Uncertainty is the name of the game in every area of our love lives. And let's face it, love can never be permanent. The Twilight series made popular the song 1000 years. In the chorus, that repeats multiple times, Christina Perry sings darling, “don't be afraid. I have loved you for 1000 years, and I love you for 1000 more to have you ever.” If it's someone you're so sure you've met before, in another life, I do not have the answers to these deep and enduring questions. 

25:23  

With tongue in cheek … from all the research and interviews here's some pointers from the experts who are guests and up and coming episodes. 

25:23  

Tips for him

Listen up for Adam Harmon in Episode 25 he has some great tips. Adam's an intuitive life and business coach.  

  • have a quality photo on your profile. It's as important as your professional photo. If you've got one on your company website or LinkedIn have something that's just as comparable. 
  • She would love to hear how you show up in your digital dialogues. 
    • Keep in mind you do not have to be perfect. 
    • You do not even have to be in full agreement. 
    • What counts is how you respectfully engage with her as a man can contribute to hold the space for her to share. 
    • When you do voice messages, make them constructive.
    •  Ask an open question. 
    • Text a positive I love to receive a joke. 
  • A virtual dating conversation. Yep, virtual dates are all the things now. 
    • Share your stories about how good your relationships are with the women in your life. Your mother, your daughter, your niece, your granddaughter. 
    • Share the sweeter moments in your life. 
  • Bad behavior reduces the success of all men. 
    • Demonstrate your quality man and be respectful, you will stand out. 
  • Women are inundated with inappropriate behaviors, media and images.  Some men seem to think they can say anything to a woman online. Especially things they would not say in public.

Check out Episode 27 with Cheyenne and Daryl they share about dick pics then other Frank points.

In Episode 29. I'm going to talk more about the downside of online dating 

27:14  

Tips for her: 

  • Listen more than you talk
    • What he says he means this is an opportunity for him to be heard. 
    • Practice active listening
    • Release your agenda, at least for now. But please take note of what he's says. Men mean exactly what they say.  
  • Go slow. Queen of Hearts love Coach Jerrica Jech in Episode 26 has some wonderful tips. 
  • Have fun, be playful, Rona Lewis shares her wisdom around dating with a playful mind. 
  • How do you show up as a woman in your digital dialogues? 
    • Have a short constructive voice or text message? 
    • Share about something fabulous that's happened in your day
    • Create mystery and curiosity 
  • Share a joke with him. 
  • Virtual dating 
    • Ask open questions
    • Share stories about how good your life is 
  • Talk about the relationships you have with men in your life. 
    • News and stories about good times with your father
    • Adventures with your son, your uncle, nephew, grandson …
  • Share the beauty of your life 
  • Depth of your passions
  • Hopes and dreams. 

28:32  

Dating has sharply reconfigured to the virtual dating.  Could this be a plus for online dating?  

You pick the landscape

You create the experience online

28:42  

New skills are needed to manage:

  • your brand management
  • lighting
  • bringing your best self 
    • to the screen.
  • In Episode 26. Again, Queen of love coach Jerica Jech has shared a link to her YouTube video ‘how to have a great virtual date.’ 
    A link will be in the show notes.
  •  to the screen.

In Episode 26. Again, Queen of love coach Jerica Jech has shared a link to her YouTube video ‘how to have a great virtual date.’ 

A link will be in the show notes. 

29:02  

I look forward to seeing your comments and reviews about Series 2 on social media. If you have a hot topic that I haven't explored, reach out message me. I wish you well on your Conscious Dating Journey into personal happiness not by chance. Be as strategic as you are with your professional happiest stats. Keep in mind the footprints you are leaving behind in the digital sense of time. Enjoy the adventure. Celebrate the experiences join the conversation.

Outro  29:40  

Dr. Michelle St Jane is a conscious steward of meaningful leadership in the world and the wider cosmos. Tune in every Thursday for real talk around life, leadership and your conscious journey. Be ready to create and cultivate your dreams and soul hearted at desires. Your support is value. Please subscribe, leave a review and a rating but more importantly share with your connection.

Constance Ao

Soulmate Coach

Constance Ao has been an intuitive her entire life, and after healing from an unhealthy codependent relationship that broke down her self-esteem, she stepped into Queen energy and attracted her soulmate in 2012. Since then she has committed to the heart path and serving women in the realm of soulmate love.