30 Years of Marriage Taught Us This… | Jeff & Brandy Little

0:02 What I feel like we're failing the next generation with. Every time you say yes to one thing, you're saying no to something else, and I'm saying give your best, yes to your family. Well, I want to welcome you to the Lead to Win podcast today. My name is Caleb and today is a very special episode. We're joined by Pastor Jeff Little and Brandy and we have an amazing episode talking about really what the Lead to Win podcast is all about, which is the things that matter most and winning in those areas. So I want to say thank you both for being with us and so excited. Today could be a little bit scary because you are obviously leaders, pastors amazing but more than that, we're family, so this could get off the rails pretty quick.

0:52 I really like when you refer to me as Pastor Jeff. I prefer Dr Little as what I like you to be. Oh, okay, yeah, he doesn't make us call him that at home as much as he did I know, I just joke about it that I make y'all call me those official titles, but yeah, Well, today we actually asked a bunch of our team some of the top questions in this area just talking about marriage. So you've obviously built something incredible, but even more than that, you've had a family and a marriage that lasted, and you've had the same passion today that you even had way back then for what God's called you to do. So we asked him some of the top questions, but I think we're also probably going to get into some funny stories today as well.

1:34 So one of the first things I thought about when I thought about this conversation was something that you both always say, and you actually said it last week at a staff gathering where we were talking about just family longevity. You always say that people want God's blessing, but oftentimes they turn to culture or society or what other people say. But if you want God's blessing, you have to ask the question what does God bless? And can you unpack that for us a little bit? just that topic and kind of how you see that question you unpack that for us a little bit, just that topic and kind of how you see that question. Well, I mean, I find we've been married this year 30 years, so I don't like to feel like I'm as old or as far along as I am, but I do find myself sometimes thinking maybe I'm a dinosaur when it comes to value systems, and I realize that there's more people out there that have biblical values than maybe we recognize.

2:32 But I do believe there is a louder voice in culture that wants to redefine what marriage is or what a marriage looks like according to God's word. And so I think, at the end of the day, what does he bless? He blesses his word. His word is eternal. We just did baby dedications this weekend and I saw these young families and we dedicated our granddaughter, our kids, my daughter and son-in-law dedicated Ellie. My grandson, sam was taking the show over a little bit. It was crazy, but I saw those young families and I just realized that they are navigating some different things with the culture, with what the kids that they're raising are going to be exposed to.

3:18 But there is one thing that has been around and is time-tested before iPhones and after iPhones, and before AI and after AI, and that's God's Word. I told these young families set your family up on the authority of God's Word. That's true. When we got engaged, you gave me a Bible. I still have it, I read it this morning, I read it every morning, and in that you wrote me a letter that was just talking about the shared values we have and the desire to honor God and that we're going to build our marriage and our lives on his word.

4:04 So we're still running the same play. Exactly, exactly, you know, and it's hard because culture really, you know, tries to define how we do things. So we look to culture for things, and so you know the things that we grew up with and the things that we learned and the things that we decided we're going to implement all those years ago, you know, is not necessarily what's popular or flashy or what a lot of parents would do these days, and so you know, sometimes y'all would even have rules or things you could and couldn't do, or things you could or couldn't watch, and all of that, and it seemed kind of like. But let's be honest, you've loosened up in your old age. I think you've changed. You were a little stricter when we were younger.

4:47 But we would have values and rules that weren't popular and your friends would be like, oh, y'all can't watch this or that, but it was like we had values. We didn't want y'all to watch things that went against God's word and his Holy Spirit or that were dark or things like that, and so we held to those values, but also just traditional values of respect and honor, and you had to honor your teachers. You had to, even if you thought they were wrong. You had to go and say you're sorry and tell them you're my authority and I'm under your authority. All of those kind of things that we don't like to talk about these days. But specifically, I think you and I, one thing we started doing I don't know, maybe 10 years ago was we would have a weekend where you and I would sit and interact and dialogue.

5:35 And I found that, if I'm really honest, I've always felt a little vulnerable. I've always felt a little vulnerable Like I, I, I, I find myself. I'm probably more comfortable if I had you know what a lot of our podcasts are us talking about team building or leadership Not that I'm not comfortable talking about family but you feel a little vulnerable, like letting people into your life. I mean, we we do live a life where we're with people and our lives are open, but I don't know. It's one of those things where you don't want to look like the expert because we're not. You don't want to act like you have all the answers, but I do think you get far enough in the journey where we've been married 30 years, we're still in love and we are not perfect, but you see the blessing.

6:27 So you said what does God bless? Well, I think when you start out, you're just having to trust God will bless his word, but when you get where we're at, you actually have fruit of the fact that he does bless it, and so I think that it's a hard topic. Family marriage it's one of the top prayer requests we get. I remember a couple years ago you were writing a book and this was something you were going to include and I remember we sat around the family dinner table. You brought the manuscript and you were wrestling almost internally like am I going to talk about family? Because we don't want to say we're the standard, but we also believe that God's word speaks on this topic and we have a responsibility to help people in this area.

7:13 I mean, I had so much like warfare about it. You guys were also at a different phase in life and I don't. You know it's a challenge, because you have this responsibility to help people in this area and I truly do believe God has the answers. God's way works. But you also feel a little bit vulnerable to put yourself out there, put your family out there, in that way. But I found that the more we talk about it, the more we're open, the more we we, we, we. Again, we don't even lean on our experience. We point people back to the word of what the word says. And so the book of Ephesians centers around your relationship with Christ, then your relationship with your spouse, then that progresses to the relationship with children, and then there's this connection to the church, to God's kingdom.

8:09 And so we've always said you know, your ministry can't really go above your marriage because it'll eventually create a hindrance as to whether you can truly walk in everything God has for you. So your marriage is your first ministry. It's true, she's my main teammate. She's my first teammate, right? Biggest cheerleader. Yeah, she is my biggest cheerleader. Even when I preach bad, she tells me it's good. Amazing, that's true. Well, what I love about this topic is every leader, every person engaging. They can identify with this. Leaders understand the challenge of you want to succeed and, again, if the whole podcast and even one of the things that you're most famous for is helping people win in the areas of life that matter most and I think about when we look at this topic, every leader can kind of find themselves or identify at some level with busy schedule, young kids trying to succeed and grow something, and obviously y'all have navigated different seasons.

9:10 You're at a place now where you're semi-retired from the parent thing you have one kid that's still at home. You got a bunch off and everybody in between grandparents, now Semi-retired, semi-retired from the parent thing, oh, parenting. I'm like I don't feel semi-retired. You're fully in the group with work, but I think when I think about that you've navigated a lot of different seasons, but those all look different and required something different from the interview. So for all the listeners. The point is on the parenting thing is that you and your sister are 13 months apart. You're like twins and so you guys are, you know, 25, 24, whatever. Then I have Lauren, who's 20, who, as we're filming this, just started nursing school.

9:53 So, she's in her third year of college, and then Lainey Kate just started high school. So yes, we have, and y'all, the older siblings, torment her with the fact that she's being raised under a different governmental regime. I don't even think. DoorDash existed. But I mean every time I come over I'm like I mean, are you on the DoorDash premium? subscription. It's hard to cook for three people. We were eating hamburger helper every night. I mean, this was no, no. Everything was made from scratch. The one hamburger casserole she gets stuck on. Oh, it was really good, it was actually your mom's recipe. But you got to admit you. You only like you're kind of picky, okay, and so you cook the same thing over and over.

10:35 I cook what I like, cause y'all are all finicky. So I'm like I'm at least. No, I'm at least going to laugh when I cook y'all you may or may not, you are finicky. But I grew up that you just eat what was put before. But let's be honest, you got healthy. So you started with lasagnas, pot pies, things like that, and then you got into. One day we came home to rice milk. I mean, if the milk's in the pantry, I mean where does the milk come from? So mom took an allergy test and found out she was allergic to everything which basically ruined my life because we don't have any real milk Made you healthier, made you healthier. You're welcome. It did. We slimmed down a little bit. Almond milk? I didn't know, almonds produced milk, yeah, so yeah.

11:16 So I think we have gone through seasons starting a church. When you look back on it, you guys were. When we planted Milestone, you and Hannah were like two one you know I was working on a master's degree planting the church. So we've been through those. You know crazy seasons in the different stages for you guys, or the stages of the responsibilities and stewardships we have as well. Well, and mom, I know for you those seasons look different. For you, even where you're at now isn't really. When we were young, it looked completely different. How did you navigate that? What did that feel like in different seasons, and how did you really not only navigate it, but get through it?

11:58 Well, Right. Well, I mean, you just are trying to do the right thing in what God calls you to do in that season and you hope it ends up well. But when God's in it it will, if you just trust Him in the process. So we were planting the church and there was a lot that we were doing and it required. But I knew my first ministry was at home and so I had you and Hannah, and then Lauren came shortly after when we moved to plant the church and I knew that I had to make sure that that was taken care of, because what if we change the whole world but lose our family? And so I just knew that I wanted y'all to not only love Jesus but love his church and not ever resent the church.

12:40 Well, my mom and my dad were never here because they were always doing stuff with the church and I wanted you to feel presence. So practically speaking, I know listening to this today. You have, you know, a lot of different roles, different gift mixes. So we don't want to. We're not trying to make a cookie cutter, what we are saying. The true principle of God's word is your family is the ministry area that you should focus on. So I'm always quick to qualify. You have a different gift, set and mix. But I will say to every young person it's very hard to have a big platform where both parents have a big platform of busyness.

13:21 Even in business, it's very hard to be driving these things. So for us just saying us I just in the last few years started doing things like podcasts and conferences and things. So I was me. I made a choice to be at you guys' bedside most nights. I didn't travel a lot, I was a local church pastor, but it wasn't for lack of opportunity either Requests things but it was an intentional effort. You can also do both, but it might look different in each season. So when y'all were little, I joined a mom's club and there was a lot of lost people in that, and so I was seeing people come to know God.

14:04 And so what did I do? How did I disciple them? We met at McDonald's and y'all ate chickenish nuggets while we went through some discipleship material and I was meeting with them and y'all were having fun and you never thought anything about it. So it's just about your season, right, and it wasn't that you haven't been engaged with the life of the church. But we did not personally push at full force, max 10, both of us in those critical seasons and that was a value choice we made. I made a value choice build, milestone build. My family did not get too many irons going because that was a priority coaching, sports and being with my kids and for me, I don't regret those decisions.

14:47 As I tell people, you can love your work as the main thing you love, but it won't love you back and what you're going to care about long term. So sometimes I'm not sitting here trying to put condemnation on people, but I think we sometimes think we need that or we got to focus on this to get to where some place we're trying to get to. I just love giving people permission to go. It's okay to not take that promotion, it's okay to not take that extra requirement on you, especially in those specific seasons in the life of your family. But if I had to offer somebody, if you're just going, hey, okay, marriage, family leadership, business at the end of the day, the highest goal other than your relationship with God because we can't do these relationships without God is unity.

15:43 If someone were to ask me to write a parenting book, which I haven't wrote a parenting book or if someone were to ask me okay, what is one of the biggest keys to a great marriage? I think the fight for this word unity, not uniformity, right, because we're all different. Yeah, and that's one of your biggest surprises is you marry someone different than you, than your kids, and you're like where did you come from? You know they're different than you expect, right. But I believe that that building, and that's even with the time commitment of saying no to other things it's amazing how distance creates division.

16:24 Right, it's right, and proximity creates trust. And so I believe you know, fighting for not we live in a culture that's fighting to obtain more. But if we would spend even half the effort fighting for unity as we do, fighting for more, half the effort, fighting for unity as we do, fighting for more, for bigger, for better, for platform or whatever, that mirage is out there. God commands and according to Psalm 133, he commands a blessing where there's unity, One of the phrases that we used to use all the time still do one team, one vision, so we're on the same team, so we don't want to be, you know, in conflict.

17:07 If I were to say parenting. number one thing is generally. A lot of times it's the lack of unity among the parents. It's one side, one message, one side, another message. Usually that, and I will say there's no guarantees, there's no formula. These kids have their own wills. But even if you're in a struggle with a kid, if we're unified with God and unified with one another, we can see this thing through, Because there is something, even for a kid that strays off and dad are still submitted to God and mom and dad are still in unity with one another.

17:48 There's something about that that draws them back to a place where God gets a breakthrough in their life. So unity to me is just so important which requires humility. Humility and communication, Because even when the kids are little, they might know oh, I can go to dad and ask for this. Mom know, mom said no, but maybe let me try and talk to dad, you know. I think I got one or two over, but maybe that was it. You know, so I would learn to say so. What did your dad say? Right, me and dad are on the same page. I'm not going to contradict dad, yeah. Well, and I know, when it comes to seasons and just knowing where you're at even what, I hear you saying you can't have it all, so focusing on what's best in the season God has you in.

18:28 But I know one of the things that you've talked a lot about and you actually shared with our team and I heard so much good feedback on was just the idea even of not comparing your season with somebody else. It's so easy to look at the fact that you're at McDonald's eating chickenish nuggets and other people are traveling and doing this, but it's just, it's not one's wrong or right, it's what's your season, right? Right, yeah, I mean, and if you're always wishing for another season again, you can never enjoy where you're at. And it is hard when you are picking up chicken nuggets off the floor and sippy cups and all the things and you just wish I can't wait till they're older and my kids are in this place and then I have this freedom and all of that. And, honestly, you get to where we are now and you look back and it's like you're going to.

19:11 You know the song. You're going to miss this. And so every season has its things that are sometimes frustrating and trying and all the things. But there's such good blessings and such good moments and every season's important. When you're doing all of those little things with the sippy cups and all of that, you're teaching so many lessons. You're talking about the heart. It's not just about the attitude, it's not just about the actions, it's the heart going, you know. And so there's so many things in every single season and then you think, man, if they could just little again, you know, and they didn't have these attitudes, you know, and all of the things. But every season actually ended up loving y'all's teenage years more than I would have ever thought, because y'all were becoming adults and I was getting to know who you were as adults and we were having real conversations.

19:58 So every season has its blessings. You had to make a value choice because you had a women's Bible study. That was actually one of the largest in the area, that for the season they were teenagers. You said no to that, which really someone comparing would look and go. I wish I could have several hundred women to speak to resource, and you actually made the choice. You said you know what, guys, I can't do this in this season. I think back to comparison. That's why I think that verse, they that compare themselves among themselves and measure themselves by themselves, are not wise. And we live in a world today where you can look at something to compare your life to, but you may not know the backstory.

20:38 You don't know what price they're paying to post that picture. What's really going on in their soul, what's really going on in their family? And I think that's why comparison is just not wise and it fails us all. I know there's people listening their wife has to work, or your mom worked my mom. I mean, this is not about the argument about who works, who doesn't work, who wasn't. What it's about is this what I feel like we're failing the next generation with? Every time you say yes to one thing, you're saying no to something else. It's true, and I'm saying give your best yes to your family, give your best yes to your family.

21:23 That's what you're going to care about when you get older. Family, give your best yes to your family, because that's what you're going to care about when you get older, and it's not another accomplishment or another. The thing we're messaged many times is not what we're really going to care about, and I know people who actually, by God's grace, have been given the margin to invest in their family and they actually feel like they're a loser. They feel like I need to be doing. It's like no, actually you're. You know, I always am running, I'm trying to encourage them. You know, and I think I think for me this is a crazy statement, but I always had more vision for my family than I did our church. I have more vision for my family, like I. I don't feel like I'm getting second best with my family because I really am being held back from something greater.

22:10 You know we sit down together. Every year, you know, christmas time we gather, we spend about a week together. We get down there before everyone even gets to the table. Somebody's already crying, it's probably that one across the table. But and table and we just plan. Who do we want to be? What are we all praying about? How can we pray for each other? And you talk a lot about aspirational versus actual values and as a family, you can say, well, I have more vision for my family, but I know, even for me as a kid, sitting in those moments, you can see that you've planned and prepared and there's binders and you do. You have vision for the family and and I think your kids know that I've delegated that now to jansen, but you have, you've been delegating out a lot of assignments that we're all working on.

22:58 But but as a kid, you feel that, like you're if, whether your parents, yeah, are more concerned about what's going on at work or if it's you right, I mean, these are little things, okay. So sometimes you're listening to a podcast you're trying to glean, you know what's three points to fix, blah, blah, blah. And I'm a preacher so I would tend to be like here's this. But I had a kid come up to me when I spoke at a men's event recently, crying, and he goes. Man, I just really realized, like, because I told the story of me losing my dad, he's like I just realized how much my dad has really invested in me. I said to him we ought to write him a letter and like tell him like thank you, dad, for what all you've done.

23:43 Well, the same is true. What are we talking about? Like, thank you, dad, for what all you've done. Well, the same is true. What are we talking about? Like planning these moments? Right, you and I would always take a summer trip. You're talking about the moment we share every December, having what we call kind of our family meeting and praying for one another. Like be intentional. We even started when they were young. When they were young, we would take each one of them and talk about the facts of life and all the things. Yeah, I mean, you walk through these stages. The facts of life is a nice way to put that. You took us away on this nice trip. It'd be like you know some water park or something we're all excited, you know, and then you get there and it's a bait and switch, it's the talk, right, and I remember you had a couple of different.

24:27 Yeah, so you've had to do three because, there's three girls me and Caleb. I just had one. So you told me you took Hannah, you gave her like the talk about how life works and Hannah was like, oh, I can't. She was like trying to block it out, she goes, I can never not know this anymore. Caleb, on the other hand, classic Caleb I shared with him and he's like I knew it every time. Y'all lock that door. Well, they put us to bed at seven or 14. You know it's like 7 PM. The kids are playing on the street, sun shining through all the doors so we can knock you out, Locked us in 12 hours. It was like man, something's going on downstairs in 12 hours.

25:08 It was like man, something's going on downstairs, but I think what you're talking about is stages of helping with development. Preteen, we do these different moments as a young guy comes of age or a daughter. What I'm saying is put the intentionality and the effort into creating the moments to communicate your values Because, just like we say in discipleship, it's more caught than it is sometimes taught. The other thing we talk about I find this so interesting that we talk about this with guests. So just the other day I was listening to a talk about guests at church. They don't feel your plan, they don't feel that you care, they only feel what you act on.

25:57 So, in other words, you can feel great love towards your children, but if you don't act on it and find ways to have them connect to it. And I mean there used to be people say well, it's not about time, it's about quality time. I disagree. It's about time in general period, it's about the investment. Right, it is about the quality moments, but it's just about the investment too you know Well, and something you've always said and I know you've both done a great job at this is like meeting them where they're at. Like we had different interests in some ways and there were things that you liked or that I liked, but you would try to meet me where I was and that always that that meant a lot to me, that it wasn't just about, well, hey, come with me on a work trip or do this, or whatever it was.

26:41 What are you interested in? I know you did that with my sisters a lot. It was what are you interested in? I know you did that with my sisters a lot. Just, what do you want to do? What are you passionate about? And meeting them, I guess, where they are and what they care about. Yeah, just finding things to connect over and spend time together, because that's really what they want is just time, but even quality time of doing things they love. We still do that today. Y'all are adults and I'm like let's go play pickleballball together, because I love still spending time with y'all and connecting over willing to meet y'all at that. He's not willing to do it. He's not, and so I mean I would be good if I did it. Just in general well, we'd love for you to try it out and sing I think I'd be pretty powerful but, I'm not willing to go there because I don't need another hobby yeah, well, every time we play, I think, mom, you keep getting these nicer paddles and keep ordering stuff, and then you give us these wooden planks to play with.

27:30 You're the recipient of my old, nice paddles. I did just get an old paddle, listen I want to say this I don't know how good she is, but if outfits and paddles will make you good, she should be dominating everybody. She has all the things. I have fun. We'll just say that I have fun, but you don't really care if you win. No, I do definitely care if I win. Yes, yeah. So you are competitive about it. I am competitive about it, but yeah. So that's a great point. Meeting them where they're at Marriage is the foundation. Unity between mom and dad is so big. And I realize there's people face blended families and different stuff, but still, whatever unity level you can fight for, there's blessing in it.

28:16 We could sit and do you know we? We have marriage teachings and you know, talk about communication and intimacy and relationship and all that. But then I think it is, you know, as the as you develop a family and specifically what you're saying a family that also has responsibilities and weight, like you have to be even more intentional to connect with where they're at. And I would say to somebody out there that it feels like I think parents don't want to admit this, but I think where we really get tripped up is we feel rejected. I remember you and I there were a few things I really tried to do to set up.

28:58 It was like man, this thing didn't go right. We didn't always go toe-to-toe, but when we did, it got scary, it's true. I was kind of like I did all this but really I didn't. I wasn't trying to connect at that time with where you were. I was putting something to where I thought and then I felt rejected. Or when your kid kind of is pushing you away, we tend to isolate, but I would say to anybody out there, whether it's the marriage, relationship, family, this is life in general. You got to overcome the insecurity that wants to make you withdraw and you got to say I'm going to be more humble here and I'm going to add value, even if I feel those things.

29:46 That's the key to marriage, even if I feel like I haven't received. We say it in almost every marriage talk parenting, all that Go first. Right, go first. Go first. It's the go first principle. Somebody has to say I don't know that I'm getting everything I think I deserve, but I'm going first. Well, and I think probably in your relationship you were ready to go right, deal with things, but you probably grew up in a family that was a little more like. Let me think on this for a little bit. Let me process on my own. I didn't. Yeah, I had to learn Like his family. They embraced conflict. They did. It was like we're just going to stay up all night and fight it out and then we're going to come out and it's going to be good.

30:30 And I was like, let's just, it'll be fine, I'm going to get over it, I'm going to go and I'll get over it and we'll be fine. And he's like, no, we're going to talk about it. And so that was different, that kind of conflict resolution of actually having to talk about it and work out a resolution. So we came to a really healthy middle, I think. True, yeah. No, that's great. One of the last things that I wanted to ask y'all while we're here. One of the questions that we got from our young team members and something that I know you're both passionate about it's a part of your own story, but also something that you help so many people with is the topic of dating, and we always get questions around this.

31:15 We've gotten questions on Instagram. Do we have time to go there now? I think we're going to go there. I mean, it probably needs to be its own episode. What would you say just real quick to the young, you know, lady, the young man that's has a heart to be married or is engaging in this realm of dating, both as a parent, whether they're teens or adults? How have you helped other people navigate that? But also, how did you guys navigate that? Yeah Well, that's the biggest decision you'll ever make, other than accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior. The biggest decision you'll ever make is who you're going to marry. And so we don't want to take that casually. We want to really be intentional, we want to seek God about it, get sound wisdom from other people that can see into it as well.

32:00 I know for me and my story is a little bit, you know, kind of out there, but you know, the Lord gave me a scripture when I was 16. That's in Ruth, and it said not to run after young men, whether poor or rich. Establish yourself as a woman of good character, and I'll do for you whatever you ask. And so I just took that like, okay, god, I'm not going to run after guys, I'm not going to do this traditional dating system, I'm going to wait for you to bring my husband. And then you're like, okay, that's great, how's that going to happen? Right, but he did, he did, and I just encourage you, like it's a serious decision and there's a lot of factors in that. You want him to be handsome, you want him to be attractive to you, you want to have good chemistry and all of those things. But do they love Jesus?

32:41 Right, do they have good character? Well, as some say, like don't marry a Christian, everybody's a Christian, right? Right. So marry someone, or date someone who's surrendered to Christ right? So marry someone, or date someone who's surrendered to Christ. It doesn't mean you just sat at the house and you were involved in your church. You were growing, you were spiritually, and then when we connected, you were engaged and connecting, so we're not talking about some weird thing here, to where you're not living life. But I think I think here's the. If you want to, I could talk about a lot about this, some passion about it, but if you really want to sum it really up, when you said the traditional dating system or the cultural philosophy, or God's philosophy, it really boils down to this. The world's philosophy is I've got to go make it happen.

33:25 I'm looking for someone. God's pattern is I'm becoming someone, I'm seeking Christ and my primary objective is to become the person of character and that, ultimately, as I'm becoming who God's called me to be, then I'm going to also begin to be drawn to that person who's seeking the same. Right. And I think today's concept is much more of search, find, look and really not even be that intentional about even who it is Right.

34:08 And settle. We settle because it's like I don't see anything better. I don't even know if people have a standard for a lot of people and it's a checklist Are settle. We settle because it's like I don't see anything better. Settle I don't even know if people have a standard for a lot of people and it's a checklist Are we compatible? Are we? compatible. Do we know that Right? And most of it, not to get overly. Scripturally speaking, you have friendship love, phileo love. You have eros, romantic love, but the Bible talks about agape love. Is this sacrificial love? And we're looking for love as the old country song, looking for love in all the wrong places and most of our love is that romantic, sexualized, external love, love. But what keeps a marriage for 30 years is agape love of?

34:51 Really, ultimately, most of our instruction in scripture for marriages, to humble ourself, deny yourself, lay down your own life for the other person, and that's where we get off. And I believe that God does have. There's people that say they don't believe. I believe, if this is the most important decision as far as everyday life, I believe God orchestrates divine relationships and so I believe that he wants to be involved in this area of your life and I think, at the end of the day, it's becoming that person and then really it's faith.

35:35 If you want to just pull it all down to have faith that God can do it, what are you looking for? Character, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Chemistry is this part of how God connects you with another person, but I also think there's a calling element, I think, where God's calling that person and calling you. If you're going to walk in unity, there's got to be a matching of destinies. So there's some practical things that you need to use as a grid. But a lot of times it isn't that people don't have a standard, a grid, but a lot of times it isn't that people don't have a standard. It's that they maybe don't even believe they're worthy for God to give them something that good, or they just don't have faith for that.

36:19 So they settle. To wait yeah. Yeah. Faith to trust God, that he's going to bring the right person. Yeah, that's so good yeah. And I think, as parents, if they're out there, the number one thing I see with parents is they think they're on the team. Then the parent finds out they're compromising. Then they say, hey, this isn't good. They actually think they're going to listen. I always tell young dads you think you're on the team, but you'll find out, because love is blind and love has the most deepest emotion. So I always tell dads man, pay the price to actually be on the team.

37:04 Right and be engaged before it gets so far, the greatest privilege any dad will ever have is that their child, or mom would ever have, is their child would say. I actually respect your opinion in this area of my life and I really want to consider what you have to say. That's great. Yeah. Well, that's so good. Well, thank you both so much for being here. I know for so many people, you're a model, you're somebody that they can learn from, so thank you for sharing with us today. I want to encourage you to jump in with us and come back, because the next episode we're continuing on the topic of family with another guest, so we can't wait to to see you back. Thank you for joining in with us for the podcast today.