What's Wrong With 'Em?

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Speaker 1: Welcome to j dot Il, a production of I Heart Radio. What's Up? Everybody of This is Jill Scott's, Ada, Graydon Danceler and la Ea st Clair. We're just giving all our governments, you know what I'm saying. And this is j dot il the podcast. We are gonna be talking about what's wrong with them? What's wrong with them? That means we are confounded. Yes, you perplexed if you will, confused? Yeah, yeah about work that well it going on here. I'm about throwing bewildered. Bewildered, Yeah, go ahead and throw and bewilder only these things. It's a deep eyebrow forehead crease, you know what I mean. It's a deep one for me. You know, just deep y'all know that feeling when that when that first part, Yeah, when you have to when you don't understand so bad you gotta open your mouth and saying that he turned you get turned your head to the side and you open your mouth like when you get that something stink look on your face or when you can't finish that. I just just yeah, what's wrong with him? Um, here's one I am thoroughly confused by. By exceptionally long nails. I gotta go ahead, go ahead and jail if you say um. Because I had some nails once and clipped a friend, okay, a dear trusted friend that I love so very much, and I was like, I'm never going to get those sharp nails again. I don't want an a coutrement that's gonna change my life. You hear me, because when you say you clipped, when you say you clipped them, three yeah, what did that mean? You clipped them? Like my girlfriend? I hurt my friend. I heard my couchick, I heard with those long nails, and I was like, I don't understand how anybody. I'm confused, Like how does anybody wipe well? I was thinking that with the stilettos. Have you seen a still? I don't have myself worn a still? Little set? Many a town you have, I have helped me. We just tell you. I got into this full set lifestyle the last year off of my thirties because I was like, here, I here, I'm thirty nine years old. I have never had a full set, and oh my god, that was a problem. Yes, yes, right, okay, you get how I got there, right, But once I got there, oh my god, I got addicted. I was picking up pictures. I was sending pictures to my nail tech, old boot, can you do this? Can you do that? And they got longer and longer. Now I've never been at CARDI level. No, never done that. However, I have learned how to get a very good wipe out. You have to pad so yes, it doesn't doesn't only cost you money with the nail tech, but it also cost you money in toilet paper. And then you also have to be concerned about the environment as well, because you don't want a situation right. But you have to pad the hand, wrap it around the hand several times, yes, several times around the hand, right, and then you just have to do a swipe, several extra swipes to make sure nothing is left. Have you ever knicked yourself the beginnings before you in the very beginnings, I did nick. No blood. No, there was no injury involved. But there was a quick nick. Yes, there was a quick nick. But I gained was that wonderful feeling when you're explaining some ship and your nails are long. Ah, there's no feeling like the hand when the hand gestures are going and you're like and there's something about the way, the bitch comes out when your hands up, when your nails are long, bitch, because what had happened? You opening open closure? Because there and then when you get very upset you get with the clapping and the nails are long. I can tell you where a tap at you when you want them to. Just that love is tapping pointing out some ship when you got your nails. Let's see that right there. I most definitely was. I would love to to use it as a as as a way to explain many things. It's a lot of things that we as women go through and I am. I tried it and it just didn't work out. For let's talk about it. Can I bring up a subject that I was so surprised that you two didn't ride with me on them And y'all was like, what's wrong with y'all women that do this kind of stuff? Yea about two. I know exactly what you're about to say, because all like, what's wrong with them? How can you even try to teach your stuff? Wax? What's wrong with y'all that you don't get your stuff? Wax? Lights? Liyah? I saw lights, I heard a sound, and I I left the building. My spirit said no, no, and I left with half a coach because on the first rip you left. On the first the first rip, I tears jumped out of my eyes. I saw lights, I heard a sound, and I thought to myself, this is not for me. There are many ways skin a cat, ha ha. But on many ways to skin a cat, and I know how to do that's not the way your cat is getting skinned. I can't do that. I just not. There are many roads to the same destination with razor bumpage on the way back here, y'all. I don't feel that there's anything wrong per se with doing it. It doesn't work for me. I have done it several times. I gave it a second round because I believe in set and chances they and so I did give it a second chance. But what I'm trying to tell you, that's what that sound was. Wow wow wow. I no, no, ma'am, no, ma'am no, sir. We can do a lot of things that I can make designs and all kinds of things, but I cannot. I cannot. I'm so sorry. I'll just need a good sugar wax to put you in the field of position and rip got from behind. I'm gonna tell you it ain't nothing like it. That sounds like lucy to me. I won't say this. The first time that I wore a nice summer dress and the rafter that's that first little breeze on. Oh yeah, it was heaven. That's how I got the second chance. That's why I gave it the second chance. Yeah, that first breeze that got to her after that, So I throw that What wrong with them? What's wrong with them? At y'all? Yeah? It was okay, So what's wrong with what's wrong with me? I just no, ma'am, No, sir, I've been hit by a car before. I did not, you know, enjoy that either, and I would like to avoid that as well. Yeah, I don't that to be your comparison. I'm sorry, Jill, I'm sorry. I'm just you know, I have a high threshold for pain, but not for bullshit, like there's another way to do this, and if the other way takes a little longer, and then of course, if you're using neat or nair or something like that, you definitely have to soak with it because it's not pleasant. It's not a pleasant smell, you know what I mean. It takes a while to get rid of that smell. So you don't want any parts of that, So you know, you gotta plan, you know, a couple of days ahead of time. Yea. For those of us who are of the you know, rounder and softer sort, definitely had moments where I've had to incorporate the husband into the activities. Yes, and I need you to make sure that I've gotten all that needs to be gotten and all that needs to just a little just you know, inspector number thirty seven. You know what I'm saying. Listen, they make all kinds of little new gadgets and hoopity, who's they got at that um that has a what you call it on it? It's razor on one half and the other half is a is a like a mechanical razor like ah, like four clippers that was to shape up so it's a razor on one side and clippers on the other. That is all waterproof. I mean, there's options. I I understand a nice neatly cared for space. Y'all just gave me another one's wrong with and based on that, what's wrong with them? That they always want to use the the clippers on your stuff? Here? Yea? They had a man be like, let me kick you up. What's wrong with them? I like that. That's some mice time. I like. I like the blowing part, you know when when they didn't like a little the extra hair. I like that part. That's small. I just think it's weird women asking that, like, what's wrong? What's wrong with it? You don't like my shape? You don't like just a natural shape? I think I think that's quite pleasant. That's a nice it's a nice afternoon movie. I'm going to step out of this particular conversation. I have a person in my life who has not signed the papers to release this information. There, you know. Therefore, I'm gonna leave. I'm gonna leave that. One must protect the innocent. The innocent must be protected. That's even a halfway innocent, because you know, right, but everybody knows we nasty. Let's just keep it there. M not like that about you. You do as well? Yeah, I'm like that. I told you. I get it from watching jail Nasty girls. Okay girls, you okay, outside of the nasty round note one war, what's wrong with them? Because this is the COVID was wrong with him? And I've been feeling this late. What's wrong with them? That you got your mask on, but it's like not on your nose, it's underneath, like what you think? What's what you think you're doing right there? If those are holes, those are two holes that it's coming out and it's going in. What's what the people walking the mask only on the mouth and not the nose. I just I need you to change what's wrong with them? The change at this point is it a hundred thousand people a day? But maybe in the world state were the last time I saw MSNBC, it was a thousand people and a thousand people day. We're done a thousand people a day. We're dying COVID. Imagine if a thousand puppies died people, Oh no, everyway wrong with these dog owners. The world would be shut dolls. I'm just saying if it were puppies, m cute, little furry, fuzzy puppies, they ain't even got to bet that that's the truth. They can be raggedy ass dogs were there. Since we're talking about we were talking about dogs a little bit. I want to understand what's wrong with the dog owners that let their dogs pissing poop in the park that where the children are supposed to play, and then they don't clean up after you. I don't understand that. Oh girl, let me tell you and get upset in my neighborhood what they like to do. And me and the husband lay in wait for him. They like to come in front your house to hear me and I live in the city. They like to come in front your house. And that little patch of grass that be on the other side of the sidewalk, they think that's not your dad go on property. No, that's my property. And then you let you a nasty dog poop right there, and then you keep you look what They look around because they know they're wrong. They look around because they know they're wrong. And me and the team loved to open the window. Don't let them see your face. You opened the window. Make sure you pick that up and they jump, they jump up. They don't know where the voice is coming from. I had it, No you didn't. You didn't have it, steaming pile of ship, that ship in front of my house, Heather, yo, because I just that's a that's a real problem in the city. And what Asian said, don't let it go lightly. People that little strip of land in between the street and the sidewalk. Like she said, it's the part the houses. That's their ship, that's their tree, that's still tree in their grass. That's right, man. Yeah, my mother had to move out of the city because there was too many I'm sorry, but gentrification brings white people and dogs. Let's just keep it absolutely funky. And as my mother likes to say, dogs bring rats because rats like to eat ship. And I'm not gonna, you know, just make do the numbers to do the man, I'm gonna leave the rats eat ship. Do that. That's what That's what my mama said. And that's that's a bad mom. That's what girl. I don't know. I'm listening. I'm I'm listening to Karema find out. I mean, I'm a google at. I have a what's wrong with him? Mom? What's wrong with him? Is? What is wrong with those girls who do their eyebrows but they look like they're marking out information on a document. It looked like a whole full sharpie, like a whole sick you said, they like a redaction with it looked like a redaction. Yes, what's wrong with them? Like it's okay to have a natural brow. I'm good with brows. I think all those brows have been around since the seventies, sixties. Really, those brows that was the thing. Some people just haven't let it go. I'm glad they're not skinny no more. I'm glad we out to that phase. Yeah. I didn't like skinny either. But these ones, these ones are are in tents, you know, being on stage. Like eyebrows, they do it help to express from a distance, You get to see the person's What about the people that don't be on stage for a living is what I'm saying. Everybody looks like they're on stage. We're living and everything. Everybody is like a home to me, everybody looks like a hole. Listen, you can't say I dropped it. I am shafe. You don't need to say, like where you are hot. I watched black exploitation films growing up. Okay, I watched black exploitation films now, and who was dressed like a whole looks like everybody everywhere most of the time. Listen, I'm not saying I'm not calling you out. I'm not saying you a whole. I mean with your own pussy boo. I don't care the sures I don't care. What I'm saying is there's a look. It's a seventies style prostitute on the street, look and making fashion. Most folks getting dressed up and going out now look like it looks like a hole to me with a whole one in sequenced skirt at the squitchy one stretch, I for one miss whole fashion in my life. Who is this no reason you have to stop? It really isn't. Yeah, I don't understand, sir, you pull that skirt. I need to reconnect with my whole fashions? All right? Well, what else is wrong with him? But what's wrong with though? I got got one the old forty five? I can't figure out for the life of me, Like, who, seriously, seriously, who doesn't know that? There? Orange? How? How do you not see that you are not a human color? How do you not know that? Jill? The level of denial of that man is like monumental record breaking, as he would like to say, never been done before, like this, Oh my amazing. I'm just saying, like at that point when you're in the Tanning booth, right and you're like, you know, I'm gonna go check the progress, right, and you go out there and the color has gone from you know, quite quite quite to actual uh birth Sienna. Right, there's no point in which you're like, you know what this is, this is the goal? This is it? How how is it color blindness? Because people, you know, people are peachy colors. You know, people are peach. There's some golden there, there's you know, there's some, but the orange is not a human color. I saw a girl on a television show the other day, I think it's called the Christie's and that baby was orange too, and I said, well, that's of my goodness. How that you don't know that you're orange? I think you don't care, Jill. I think I don't think anybody walks down the aisle like a sir that orange is looking great on you today, this level. You need to keep it right there, like, no, he doesn't care. I think it's the same thing when the people get the plastic surgery and it's like you're not blinking, You're not you're not blinking, you're not you're not smiling, you're not smizing, you're not anything, you know, So I think that's the same kind of vibe there. I think people go in thinking that they're going to improve something they don't like and they just don't know when to stop. But in this particular person and his issues, that he is delusional. I mean, I don't want to be an armchair psychiatrist, but let's just keep it one. He's been accused of delusions of bran and all of that, and it's something about that like with the with the with the cosmetic surgery, and I know that forty five hasn't had any of that. But but wait, since we're on the what's wrong with them? I saw something. It looked like the lady had literally taken out at least four ribs, and I thought, your body can't sustain uh, the kind of of weight that goes on a body, or or or walking with with your ribs. Your ribs are there for a reason, you know, like you or it just seems to go. I said, I've seen a lady with a whole kitchen sink in her backside. But but don't we have there There there is an actual there's an actual condition that goes along with this that really may have some might be related on some level to like eating disorders or people who still believe themselves to be overweight, but they're not. So it's likea so, yeah, where the thing is. That doesn't really matter what you see. It is kind of how they interpreted what they see. So this is that that. I mean, that's a real thing. It just so happens that you can have that and still be a whole entire I keep thinking you're saying, ho, a whole entire, A whole, a whole entire. Hello are you wow? That was a beautiful defense as I don't think that's why people got bathroom things in their booties. I don't think it's because they got body dysmorphia. Especially yeah, I have. I've been having issues with that lately. Excuse me, as the black woman's body continues, Well, you know we're if we're going there, but we're not. Obviously venus hot and tought Sarah Bartman. You know, it was a big influence on the world, whether or not society wants to claim her um to be uh taken prisoner and her body shown the way that it was um and too. I guess what they prostituted her as well. M say her name again, Jill Sarah Bartman. Sarah Bartman. I think like especially those who are manipulating their bodies to be just like hers, and then what a proud, crazy circle of now that the other races has figured it out, now we're chasing them and we it's just I'm sorry, I know that's a side. No, yeah, because I was gonna I was actually gonna bring that up because I'm thinking to myself, Yeah, well, what we have is this obsessive and um culture that says, oh, I wanna I want to look like a black woman, but I only want to look like a black woman. That I feel is this, uh, this exaggerated version in my mind, even though we all we exist in all of these different ways in real time, but they're interested it and the one that feels, you know, exaggerated. So it's like everything that people are that they say they want to do, then we come behind them and we we hate it. We don't want to be associated with it. Black people wanna we want to disassociate ourselves with anything that feels and looks black, particularly around black beauty. Until white wade. White people they accepted and wanted and do everything that they can to be associated with it. But I see that with black culture with women period, because even stuff that we grew up here. Oh that's ghetto. Don't do that. Then it ends up one, you know, at in fashion week, and suddenly we wanted to because you start seeing it amongst black elite women, black women who would never wear bamboo earrings, black women who would never wear braids, who would do everything they could to assimilate. But suddenly they see it on the runway and now it's like, oh, yeah, I'm I'm black, and the black I'm black. But that was hood and ghetto two years ago. You didn't want to be associated with that. I think it's a little backward to I mean, you know, I know he wasn't talking about that though, but but we're talking about what's wrong with them. Well, that's white supremacy, that's what's wrong with them. Yeah, that is you don't want my blues. You want my rhythm, but you want my blues. That's right. So you see a lot of Caucasian people with this very very strange, strange color. And for that matter, we're seeing a lot of African people or people sended of Africa. We're seeing a lot of them bleaching their skin and it's that pinky color. It's a weirdy, pinky more color. What is it? It's very very strange, and I'm trying to figure out my knee. Like when that that skin looked like right there, it's not even that color. It's it's it's very strange. It's a little bit more, it's a little more mad. It's a little dusty. It's a rosy kind of like my water jug, you know. It's it's it's kind of like a rosy, peachy, creamy color. That's when you pull a scab off to so, okay, I got you. Something is you know, there's there's definitely do think that America has a problem with overall dysmorphia, you know, be not being able to see what, you know, what's really happening, you know, far as bleaching the skin or or or Caucasian people being orange. You know, it's it's a lot of mean well, we I hate to we literally it's going to always come back to this. It's like, you know, the whole series uh uh that Kenya Barris just did and every single show was because of slavery. We're just gonna come right back to the same thing. It's anti blackness. It's a worldwide problem and issue, and so that right there has all of these different little spokes to it, and you're gonna find those things. It's so yeah, the dysmorphia part of it, just like anything else that doesn't only exist within the within the sphere of anti blackness, but it's definitely a part of it. You can see that as a tool or as a little spoke on that wheel, because it's like, it's just like anything else. They're gonna have an issue with something. It's you're gonna you're gonna believe a lie for so long that it just feels normal. It just feels like it's just normalized. Oh well, this is just the way this is supposed to be. There's nothing wrong with us, We're just we're behaving normally. You just kind of normalize this weird obsession hatred thing that people have. And I I can't I don't see where that's gonna change if we don't address you know, the granddaddy, If you don't address the big problem, I don't see how we're gonna get to the little problem and we just take our features back. Can we just get that or at least get our credit. That's where I was. I'm on just the basic like I would like I would like I would like small respect. I think that'd be nice. We'll be back after the break. What does credit look like? So in real time, what does this all look like? It? This is? It looks like homage, So you actually say it, you actually say this is? Uh. I think that's one of the things that there is a a disconnect with Africa in that sense because African people, I've a sleep, this is a this is a continent. So there's different cultures in different countries. The obviously different languages, many different languages. And you know you're wearing a gayley, but you don't know where the fabric is from, you know what I mean. So it's the same kind of credit, like that's Ghanaian. You know you're being deep. I'm like, you're wearing corn rolls. I need you to not say that I got the style from Chloe cardass sharing. Yeah yeah, yeah, but I think it's the same thing, Like you have to show respect all over the there are some things they are not allowed to dabble in period. What is what is sacred? They already ship damn my man, I don't bye, Hi Hi, Hi's really really good question. I wanted my hairstyles to be sacred because we hold this texture. But I see that couldn't happen. Um No, there's wigs for that color obviously. You know. You can tan or you can add um, you can add color to yourself and then add dimensions with makeup. Uh. Booties are off the off the list because anybody can buy one. I guess my thing is like one of my favorite parts of Black Panther. Oh yeah, one of my favorite parts of Black Panther is when they escape and from the Capitol and they are headed to go see Baku to ask him can they use his army? And they get there and they find out that he has you know, that he has child. And so when they get there, they have a little you know, they have a little flower and um and the white guys there with them, and they are about to do the ceremony to bring him back, and so um Umbaku then turns to the white guy and he says, turn around. And not only does he make the white man turn around, he also turns around because he recognizes that this is part of their ritual and their culture and everybody doesn't get to see it, not even him, even though he's a fellow. Will Condon and So what that said to me was that as black people, especially people of diaspora, we share so much with the cultures where we are that, um, we don't hold anything as we don't make other people turn around. Everybody gets to see, everybody gets to partake. And even though it would be great if they could partake and also give the credit, I just personally think that without certain things that they don't get to see, not for you, no invites to the how do we do don't give out invites to the cookout? How do we give to become they aunties and uncles now in our families? So how do we do that? Right? Where where is that line drawn? Is there space to create sacrament where there wasn't there any before? Damn dang Asian there there. It's like there's no hiding place, there's no hiding We already give it away. I think that we've given away a lot of ourselves, so much of ourselves, and we don't even know how to recognize ourselves. Well. I believe it starts within the family. Like one thing last year that I started doing with my family was created traditions. Traditions are I feel like, extend to kind of the way that we build culture and the way we protect culture, and it has to kind of begin in the home. So certain things that we do with just each other is what we do to honor our ancestors, honor each other within our home. And that was part of the project that we brought a besa butler. Earlier where I was talking about it, I had done some research to try to find someone who was like a quilte master to do a heirloom piece for my family, so that as we created these moments, um these traditions, that we also had elements to the traditions that were to our family. Because you know what made me think about it was Kinteke, Right, So every every family has their own that that's that's that's that's specific to their family. So it's like, well, what does my family have that's just ours, that's just just great and danceller. If you're a great a danceler, you get to have that or you get to know that. So for me, I just feel like it kind of starts in your home and our house, right, and you create sacraments there because that's those that's the hiding place. Is there any possibility this could ever go outside the home. Is there any way that we get ever create some new cultural tradition that they're not they don't want in on, and we won't give it to them. Well, I guess it's worth a try, you know what I'm saying. Who knows, can't you? You can't predict the future. But but I think if we had something that we could hold to heart, that that meant something to us, and then then we might we might care for it differently, you know. Um and if you're in a new if you're a different mind. I put this way. At one point, there was no quansa, right right, My thing is listen as at one point there was no Quansa, and now there's a Quansa. You know, at one point, June tenth was a local tradition and now it's a national one. But they're about to start participating nat though Asia. That's that's about. That's a wrap that's about to be inclusive, is about to be inclusive. That's a wrap. I always think about jazz, you know, uh, jazz in those smoky basements, you know the beginnings of jazz and how okay, let's even go to black Lily about that. Let's talk about something that we were we all were called. We were there, you know for Black Lily and what that energy was. Black Lily was a a jam session that was hosted by Jazzy Fat Nasty's and it was created I would say it was created by them and the roots. The roots are a big portion of um of that and um, it's a place where I would call it a shed where singers and musicians could hone their craft and you know, um learn basically learn on stage life happening right now, which was very beneficial. Uh. Once we let the industry in, once we let um people outside of our culture are particular culture in, it got filtered. Something happened. And you know, it's the same thing as soon as we we have to find something sacred to each person, to each family, something that's important and it's only and then and you can't let anybody else into it, which is very Uh, we're sharing people. Well, this is what we do. Well, yeah, I mean even down to like so, I love West African dance. I've been taking it for a while and you know, even when we're in class, you know, our teachers will often say, oh, well we're gonna learn this dance today. But you know, typically between ethnic groups, this dance is not seen, and there are still dances that are not seen. I mean that literally are you know, between ethnic groups that are less than seven miles away from one another. So that and and so it is not un African to be specific to small local spaces or families like that is actually totally African, totally within our you know, our lineage. I think it's totally and with our with and within our rights. And from a musical standpoint, those same things are are true. I agree with you, Jill in the sense that it's like, yeah, I mean there's certain drum patterns, certain certain actual drums and and and and instruments, and all of those things are true. We've had to share also for survival. I think probably too because of the fact that just being able to tie us back to our roots and the diaspora has just been so spread out, and then we get there and then we just make something new. So that's another way that people have, you know, learned things. But like turning inward, I think is stuff definitely our right and definitely be a way that we could go move forward and try to say, okay, listen, we can always decide to start from scratch. I'm sorry turning inward. I'm going to work on my annunciation for you. I thought you said the N word. I just want to make sure I knew what you mean. Mamah. Yeah, that's one. That's one that's that's specifically ours. That that's one that's specifically our. That is, it's not sacred, but it but it ain't. But for you, it's not. It's not turn around, it's not yes. And that's the only thing that we have. The people that the others know that there may be a ramification if you do attempt. I think that's the only thing that black people have, Isn't that's terrible best, that's a that's it that it's not our turn. If you go to a hip hop shows, to a hip hop show, it don't even matter because everybody don't religions, no, no, what they won't say. They won't say it with you if you say it in the right sentence. Because I want to see Kendrick Lamar and we was in there and uh, they definitely wanted to say we're gonna be all right. They wanted to sing that. But when I said black don't crack, they just say that I'm proud of instruction. I think he not only m C two that kind of give instruction, or like, I will say this. I went to an Anderson Pact show once, me and Jason and the song where he's like, uh ho ass niggas. Let me say he started it and then he stopped it because he looked at that audience and he was like, we're gonna go to another one, y'all. That's what we appreciate that as black people said, shout out jority white crowd, we were like, yeah, let's go to the next one. Let's go to the next one. I've actually never written it in a song anywhere. Yeah, I mean neither. Look at me. I'm auder the jail. I'm going through all my jail songs, like, oh do you remember me? I don't know. No I went. I'm trying to think I did a song with Jeezy. I'm like that, I's fed. I don't think so. I'm pretty sure I did not. But nonetheless, it looks like that's the word that's sacred because it's not our it's not the skin color, it's not our hairstyles, it's not our music, it's not our religion, it's not our man it's not our women. Yeah, it looks like that's the that's the words. Do we embrace that? I mean, are we disgusted or do we say, you know what? If that's it, then we hold firm. I would just like the same fear. I would like to create something else too that has the same fear around it. That's saying that I would like to I don't know what that is, because we're already giving out so many things or been taken from us. Just one more thing that would prevent you from I don't know what's going to happen to me if I do this. I was just like that. I wish you could have happened with braids and locks. I would have liked that to happen with braids and locks. Yeah, there's something sacred about that about you know, the whole process of having somebody you know, put their energy into your hair and you know, create a lock out of of you know, regular African American hair. I was supposed but I mean I didn't have a better word for that, but out of your coils, out of your hair, that there's something special about that. But it can now be manipulated and yeah, you know, for for some reason I trust. I trust white people with with locks a little bit more community like you. You probably you were probably all right, yeah, And I feel like they're more in harmony or um aware. You know of what original man looks like, so they're attempting to be that, and it looks more like an homage instead of a whole you know, grabbing run. I can't take that. I don't know. I can't take that grabbing run out here. I don't know. I don't know. Hair is hard for me. Hair is hard for me. I won't even lie to you. I have a very difficult time looking at locks and braids or white people. I don't I don't know what why that particular thing strikes a chord with me, um but that it always feels disrespectful. I don't know. I don't know. I'm sure I can choose any number of things that are more disrespectful than that, But it is something about that that is just so disrespectful to me, like just stop, just stop. I don't feel I don't feel bigged up or honored in that moment. I just feel like you try to force a square peg. I don't even do that, that you're hair and even that It took a lot of determination, It took a lot of time and energy, and a lot of not watching it, and a lot of a lot of hate. When they go to the islands and get them braids on the beach, I'm like, I do not like that. I do not like that. I do not like that. And I want to be able to say I don't like don't do that. I really want to be able to say that, and and and really not be interpreted as saying I don't want your solidarity. I don't want you to, you know, to enjoy or to be a friend. I don't I don't want to be This person was like, oh, you, I have all these stipulations, but I want to be able to say I don't like that, don't do that, and you to just be like, okay, you know what, all right, because I'm just not you know, I don't want to wear a kilt. I'm not going to just show up at your family's house and a kilt and just I'm not going to do it. But we are not going out of our way to play the bagpipe. Well, okay, so let me enter here because I just got a note from a black man. I spent a lot of time with who said, but what about black women and blond hair? So there black people that have blond hair, National women who die there hair blond? Is there the same? I just on that note when you said that, I said, I say, as a black woman who's hair blind stuff, I say, no, I mean my hair is currently blind. So I will say, funk out of here with that bullshit. I love that stuff, like the intellectual pre spot like we did that you're looking for that is. That is my official response to that. I have this positional hair in general, and I love you black man who offered that particular this love out of here with that bullshit. I do feel like, does it like hair? You know, it grows out of our heads and uh in other places on our bodies. If it's straight or curly or whatever you want to do with it. Is it's a couture, mall. It's it's it's that's what it is. And if you shave your head tomorrow, you're still gonna be black that part. It doesn't make difference. You're stupid. And I just think, don't y'all think that it's something that happens between women, whether it be your mom, your auntie, you becausein you're big sister or whatever. But growing up as a black girl, it's just something that happens sitting in between some legs, you know what I mean, having a hole, the smell of blue stuff like that Coco and love scent. My I was in the hair supply with with Nina yesterday and she was talking about how her friends would talk about old school hair products but she didn't remember me using those. And we were walking down this this, this, in this in this store and they had a bunch of old school product and I said, yes, I did. You just don't remember, baby, Like I said, when you were a little I used pink all moisture, that smell, and I said, I said, you know, I moved on because by the time you were old enough to to remember, they had more natural hair products. Yes, and then in the same store they had um Nature's Blessing. Do you remember that yestreen? Yeah, the green said that's rosemary and now, yeah it's a good product. It still use a main intail, main intail, right, So my friend invented that big black it was I'm not sure if it was sold off. Yeah, But because we are in this capitalistic society, we tend to sell our stuff to that part because you know who doesn't to have some money, you know what I mean? Like, so that that land that your great grandfather you know, literally slaved for, you know, great great grandfather were more great um slaved for, and the next generation held onto that land in the next generation. But she always once a condo in Miami. So shame the land land is gone. So that land, you know, in order to get that condo in Miami. You know, like we have to hold onto things that matter to us, um and we can't be mad when other people jump into it because they have the ability to or or we can't be mad. Yeah, but do you think we see the whole idea of us devaluing It is just really a fine biduct of the whole thing from the beginning, it's like, yeah, well, only take from you, but we also want to teach you and make you devalue. Well is that we took and make you feel like I don't want that? It's not that important. Blacks, you know, like, oh your hair is ugly, your hair's nappy. It has not in the eighties blocks of black people wasn't always the prettiest thing. So you know, what I mean. People people have things to say, and depending on why island you are, that's a whole class issue. Come on, come on, I appreciate you, guys. I appreciate this conversation. We're gonna take a quick break and then we'll be right back like, yeah, what's wrong with him? Give me one? Oh, what's wrong with him? Give you another one? Um, y'all know, when we really originally thought of this thought, there was a person I had in mind because I was like, what's wrong with him? He is so vocal on the black experience, and he is so talented, and he went to um Harvard And I've been looking at this man for years and I was like, but he always been single? What's wrong with them? Some men really don't want to settle down until their dick is broke. And Um, that sentence was gonna go. I really I really feel like that, Like they wait until they're like, you know, forty eight, forty nine, and now all of a sudden they want to settle down and get married when the dick don't work like they used to anymore. Uh huh huh, and they feel like they've had you know, they've sold all the oats they possibly could. Then they want you to marry them and love them and take care of them when they get into yes and and be okay with the dick they don't. I'm silent because I agree. Damn. I mean, at the end of the day, let's say this particular man for this type of them, that particular kind of um. I mean, the idea is that they just don't want to do any of the work. They don't want to do any of the work, and they avoid the work as long as they possibly can. I need to avoid that work for a very, very, very long time because I don't want to have to deal with that. And really it's not even so a situation where it's a lot of judgment. It's hard to deal with your stuff. It is very hard to recover from trauma. It's very hard to see yourself mirrored back at you. And when you have a mate that is, they might as well just be a mirror, because all it is is you've got to sit there and deal with yourself. At some point you're gonna have to do that. And that's work. That's the relationship work. Mugs don't really talk about. It's the self work. It's the actual self work. And I'm not saying that single people ain't doing self work. So whoever's gonna listen to this and at the ship out of me about it, I'm saying that there is a specific kind of self work that you that you cannot avoid when you're mate it with somebody. It's just you can't avoid that part of it. And if you want to avoid it, then you just avoid meeting with somebody for a long period of time. And I was gonna say that's also I thought one of the answers to it's like when you when something like that, we're the person that I was describing, I'm like, he also has options, and he has time, options, time and resources because trust me, the one that came that don't came by a house. The person I'm talking about, the one that ain't got no resources. Uh, he's gonna get married. He's gonna get murged quick. He's gonna get murged. Yeah man, yeah, absolutely, you know what I mean. So yeah, he's he's gonna go ahead and get hooked that one. Yeah, yes, that started. I gotta hold my mouth. What's wrong with a major hit me? Ah? Okay, Um, she's trying to figure out how she could be nice. This is what I know. All right, well I have one, but it's it's really recent, like as in the past twenty four hours. Give it, yes, Yes, let's go. I am so irritated with the fact that people cannot have, um a multi layer conversation, that everything gotta be all or nothing. This is the thing is that I think that what's wrong with black people that we are we really at this point where we can't have like a layered discourse about something that's valid without throwing in and also without throwing in extra sexism, misogyny, racism, classism, colorism. Because I'm just like, I'm looking at both sides very sad, very sad. I think it's very sad. What's wrong not what's wrong with them, what's wrong with us? What the hell is wrong with us? While we can't have this conversation, we should be able to talk to each other with respect, I'm sorry, and we should be able to agree to disagree. Right, that's too much. For some reason, something's happened to us. Well, it's either all or nothing, you know, it's it's you cannot have an opinion outside like for instance, the the guy on the on the inter web that's what I'll call it. Um the guy on Twitter who was like, uh, y'all think Jill Scott is attractive? I don't. I don't see it. I don't understand it. He absolutely has the right not to like me. Yeah. Yeah, but but it wasn't necessary, is what it was. It wasn't necessary and it was an unnecessary jab that was whack. This all is true, But he has the right not to, you know what I mean, Like, I appreciate all the people who are like, oh, we just you know, how you know people feel and that they appreciate me for who I am and what I look like. And I was like, that's what's up. But you know, he has the right not to be feeling me. I'm not feeling everybody, but I don't go outside of my time to to express that. We do have to remember that everything needs to be said like you and young people have to remember it was life here before you. Yeah, with love, shut the funk up? What did I say? Yeah, we love, we love, shut the funk up. I think it's gonna be a lot of with loves out on this on this podcast. That's gonna be a lot of it because it's important to establish the love. Amen. Every observation is just that, not necessarily a judgment in any kind of way. Um, And I just want to say that I don't know how to say it better than that. Bye, love that Bye. Until next time, y'all. How do you eat an elephant? One? Hey, y'all, it's Eaves here, an executive producer on the show, popping in to give you a resource related to the episode, just in case you want to do a little bit more research on something that was mentioned now. Jill mentioned Sarah Bartman, also known as Sarkee Bartman or Degrading Lee as the hot in Top Venus, none of which were her given name, but she was a Koi Koi woman from southern Africa. She was exploited and her curvy body was put on display for white folks to abuse. When she died, she was dissected and her remains were sent to a museum. Her story is, of course, much longer and much more complex than that, and it's steeped in all of the isms, but please read, watch, or listen to more about her history if you aren't already familiar with it. I'll drop a link to an article about Sarah Bartman in the episode description, thank you for listening to jil dot presents j dot il the Podcast. This podcast is hosted by Jill Scott, Layah st Clair, and Agent Gaden Danceler. Its executive producers are Jill Scott, Shawn g and Brian Calhoun. It's produced by Layah st Clair and me Eve Jeff Coke. The editing and sound design for this episode we're done by Taylor Chacogne and I Love you black Man who offered that, but with love funk out of here with that bullshit bullshit, bullshit bullshit. We love wellove, what love shuts sunk up? With love fun out of here with that bullshit. What's glove shut the funk up? Bullshit bullshit, what love shut the fuck up? This love fun out of here with that bullshit my love shut fuck up bullshit bullshit? What Clove shut fuck up? Jay dot Ill is a production of I heart Radio. For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.