We've Got Mail!

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot m a production of I Heart Radio. Welcome back to Jay dot Ilo Podcasts. And we've been asking, you know, letting you know that you could call us and leave a message and let us know how you feel about the show. And you did. You did. Thank you so much. Just as Jill Scott and agr Grading Dance Learn likes St Clair, we are so geeked about the messages that you've been leaving about Jay dot il the podcast. Thank you so much, so without further ado, check it out. I see now I should give a disclaimer Jill that these are very random. I don't know what they're you're gonna hear, but I'm just gonna hit him because y'all deserve to be her. What if they comes to us out all right? Cost me out? You should see your face? Hey too. My name is Amber Rose Howard and I'm out here in California. I listened to the Long Bust episode and I am just so uh connected to the things that I all were saying around the excuse us about not being physical and and diet, especially when it got too real, stuff like you know, uh the workout closed and the hassehold of putting out I got big. You know, I'm ben branted out here, and I'm like having to put on sports flaw and you know, um the workout pants and just you have to go through those motions so um, you know, it's discouraging and and just to hear like, oh yeah, put them on in the morning and hold yourself to come. I'm about to work out before today is out or you know, um, just a lot of the trust that I really connected to and it has to be motivated, um to not laying a bit and do my stuff at jack kind of like day. But thank you all so much. I love the podcast. By thank you that that was that was like, is good good advice? Yes, yes, indeedy I have one. I did it today. Actually, I think it's so funny that that that that particular thing happened to me today. It doesn't look like I haven't workout clothes from y'all can see me, but I have on my workout pants and as this is so, I would take my walk nice. We'll love to Amber Rose Howard out there, and she said, I think Edison, California, love love, love all y'all want another one one another one? Yes, yes, ma'am. Okay, thank you all for the long bus today. I needed to hear that because my big behind is turning into a shadow during the pandemic and I really need to get one of us and get myself together. All of the conversations about UM information, especially with these food deserts in our black neighborhoods UM has been a conversation in our house and I'm so as y'all talked about it. It really like in the mood, but also made me know how serious this is as I'm approaching fifthy myself. So I thank you all so much for that conversation. Thank you for bringing it to light, and thank you for helping us so much to to really get this out there in the open. More and more I appreciate it. My name is Roxanne Grant from Miami, Florida. Thank you, Thank you, Roxane Grant. That is man. This is the goal. I know I say it so much. You guys are probably tired of me saying it, but it is what it is. The goal is just to have conversation, to spark conversation, you know, and we think things. We all think things about what's happening in our society. Was going on in our neighborhoods and in our households, but we just might not say it out loud and for other people to you know, recognize that. Yo, you you gotta take the long bus, you know, in order to get to get healthy food. It's fucked up, but it's true. It's true because they're not they're not presenting that in our neighborhoods. You know, they're just not. Now with the panty honey, right, some folks really took advantage. But people like myself. We had the bread, we had the pasta, we watched the Netflix, you know what I'm saying. So I will be getting on the long bus myself. So, you know, regardless of all the things that may be in our way, we do have to make the decision and go forward, go forth. Well, you know when I'm not gonna lie today, I am. I'm I'm tired. So when we get off, I'm gonna take a nap. Hey man, yeah, I'm gonna take a nap. But then after that, I'm gonna take the walk. I'm gonna go ahead and move this thing. And it's so true. All right, let's see what they're talking about. Is Charlotte, North Carolina, Okay, So I just listen to Days Your Faith from Charlotte Madelina. Um it's called the Shame, and you know I've been dealing with shame all my life. UM A lot had to do with my mom because you know, I'm a lesbian, so she does not like me being a lesbian. UM and she antagonizes me at all the time. But this episode will be touched to me and made me cry. But I thank y'all for everything you've done. Like I listened to it forbading every Wednesday and every Wednesday. And also you know my aunt loves you to Scott by the way, I man your mind, Nicole Daddy. But yeah, like I don't know when I when I listen to you y'all episode, it's it's a sigh of relief because y'all under staying and I've would love to talk to you just for thank you. You know, we we might have to take this. We might have to start traveling, you know, we might have to start trying and look at the faces and meet the people. Because thus far there have been men, women, you know, and everybody in between them. They though, come on, jail, I try. I am trying to learn and thank you, Agel, thank you. Like yeah, but there's been all kinds of human beings that are just like, hey, this touched me, this moved me, This made me angry, this made me want to change something. And I'm so grateful for that. And I know, I know your ladies are too. I know it. Oh yeah, that shame episode. Like I listened back to that and I was I'm I might have teared up at at us. Yeah, because I really do appreciate that we be honest and that we will really we really show ourselves. And I'm really grateful for that. Like nobody could take that away. Like I'm grateful that people listen to the show, but I'm just really grateful that when whoever finds it, they finding to us us. Yeah, and we can always find the funny because you know, I'm just proud that we spoke up for the small penis man because it's important for somebody. What come on, a girl, what else you got? You know? I kind of see I feel like the laughter, the laughter is that's like hurtful, yo, like that trying not to laught what you're gonna do if what are you gonna do about your if your penis is small. What you're gonna do about it? Nothing can be done. It's sad. And I said, see that. I always say that's this ship right there, like trying to be better. I'm just saying that in my lifetime. I told you y' all already, well, um, one of my my top three. It's like thumbsized and I have small hands. Now I'm laughing, that's not right. But he look at your life. But listen, I tell you having having an understanding how to give pleasure. He knew what to do, he understood the assignment. That's why it's in my job three. I'll never forget your dolly, No, I like it. Give him hope, baby, That's what I'm talking about. We gotta shout out folks too, because I'm not everybody can have the time to stop and you know call. But folks before we even had this line, found us, like on Twitter, even before we had our social like they found us on Twitter. And it's been quite a few folks have been wryting with us from the beginning. I know one person that comes to mind. I feel like it's Royce Hall. Hey, Royce Hi roys and makes seven Roads tweets and whatnot. So I just want to take a moment to also like pick up some of our folks on Twitter and some of the comments that we get one there I was gonna read I have one that it's like consistently just supportive. He always talks about the episodes always and I appreciate that so much. So shout out to Mr Charles Lyles, thank you so much. He wrote, Jill, please let your girl Kindred the wife. No, she needs to market and copyright a bit you drained. I know every woman felt what she said right to the core of their souls. It had me cracking up. I love her, realists, Charles, I love it too. It's not just the words, right Charles. It's like the way she's said, honey baby, And it's funny because I didn't I don't even remember saying it, but I punish you when I said it. I felt it. That's that's where I was at. But maybe I'll give me a little shirt though. And I don't know. I'm just one special for Sharles, don't you know, or a woman that he knows gonna really understand that feeling. But I thank you, Charles. I appreciate, appreciate. Royce said there's something about this episode in particular, Uh, they survived, so you could thrive. That literally feels so at someone's house with your shoes off, sitting in the living room talking it up, or enjoying brunch somewhere any additance. I just thought that was sweet. Yeah, I mean, like I told you, I think I really like this energy that it feels like the show has an audience that is cross generations or cross age groups. You know, where people feel like we're the girlfriends, but they also feel like we're maybe like the older sisters and in some instances like the full long aunties. And so I feel like that's pretty dope because that's covering a lot of I don't know, roles in people's lives, you know what I'm saying, And and open it up because everybody doesn't have that. Everybody don't have access to hearing or sitting at the feet of anyone or being at that table or at that brunch. So I think that's really special. Words. Yeah, I want to shout out Timiljen. I'm so sorry if I pronounced your name incorrectly. Timblegen Scott, He's I can't find what he's posted, but he's always you know, always listening to the podcast and always making comments that you can tell he was really listening. Yeah, you know what I mean, he was really in it. It wasn't It wasn't like oh i'll say something nice today. You know that's that's not at all what it was. Ever, So I definitely appreciate anytime you comment, thank you so much for listening. Is it kind of cool that the Brothers is out there hitting us on Twitter? Like I mean, like, thank you. I appreciate the Brothers who realized not for nothing. Not only are you know you're getting good conversation, but sometimes you're getting some conversation that usually some knowledge you're not unaware of giving some behind the scenes. This is some cheating, cheating in a good way. Cript note I got hit on on Instagram speaking of from Princess Black, who said it's really a wealth of information, just like this ship should not be free. I was like, thank you, ma'am. Listen, well, thank you, ma'il. Be happy to give it to you though, for for whatever you know, whatever that for it so you can get it for free. That boy, more real talk. After the break, I got another call here from Martha. I want to check her out. Indeed, Hi, my name is Martha. I'm actually called about the episode along bus. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, ladies for speaking about especially the health. Um. I'll wake up every morning I was to a podcast, as you guys are in my rotation. This particular morning of I woke up, I was like, I'm not exercising today. I had a hundred thousand reasons why my knees. That's definitely hit home for me, y'all. You all talking about the knees because I have terrible needs. I'm forty four, so that's an issue. Then I'm a natural and this week I decided to wear my hair and straightened and I didn't want to sweat it out. So you know, I had a hundred and run reasons of why not to work out. But you ladies are given me some hope. It's and inspiration and motivation. The dairy. Yes, I love milk, and I have like really tried the last couple of years of weaning myself off. I buy half gallant all the time and they just go away. But the chiefs, the chiefs, I can't let go of the cheese. It's like I have cheese stick in the apple, you know, because I am working and um, the going to the farmer's mark things. Look, I can walk to my farmer's market from my house. That's how sad it is. I don't go get vegetables all the time. I do try not to eat process too. But I just want to tell you guys that you guys, you know I'm trying to make this too long, but I do thank you for the episode. Um, it gave me a lot of motivation. I'm probably gonna stow it again because it just gave me a lot of things too to think about. Uh, and know that I'm not out here on the struggle alone. You know. The way to care of myself be trying to be more holistic believes the needs have got me. But I just want to thank you ladies. In that episode really hit home. You also tea doing what you do. Thanks From what I unders understanding, it's the it's the oils. So it's those flax seed oils and and such are joints a little more, oh women, fish oils too. Right, Yes, you know I knew that, but I was You're okay, you knew that age No, I knew it, but I have not thought about that a long time and because sometimes it's a long list of stuff we supposed to be taking anyway. But I need to put that in back at my regiment. I'm thank you for bringing that back up, girl, like between the melt fizzle, the code, the C co q ten, the the D three K three, like the the the tensions. My tensions is taken on that Monday Today vitamin thing that you open up and you put all your stuff in it. But you can't do with your tention, your tens, your ty call them the tenson. The drop can't do nothing. Thank you, Tink Tink tink shirts, that tink shirts you so so tink shirts for anybody who listening. Basically, they're just drops, tinctions that you tend to put them money and then then hold them called a couple of you know, thirty seconds or so they say. They they're you know, more potent than the actual vitamin. So that's why thank you and a tink and a t shirt shout to my girlfriend Sparry because I just have to say something to her because like that, she's my tincture person. She telled me what I need to take, so that's where I get that from. I just have to shout her because Lord, she's gonna mad when she hear that part. Anyway, well shout out. So I'll be na because she's she's my tink shirt lady. That's the first time. That's the first time. I'll be na. I love it. Yeah, them, that's the Tamasi. That was the first time I heard tink shirt. M M. But she's she's the first time. Jill. I was like, oh God, tink Shirt. I'll tell y'all that I know we're doing right when we've got several like life coaches, people that do this for a living, that hit us up on social and I wanted to pick up to kindle Lanise or is it Kendell because she definitely has like a little accent over the e. But she's a life coach on Instagram and she hit us up a couple of weeks ago and she said, I just want to thank you Asia and Jill. Your podcast as Black women and life coach has given me breath. The conversations you all have man on man, I love y'all keep doing this podcast. It's changing lives. I have a podcast too, and these conversations push us forward as black people. That's what we're just trying ps. Her podcast is because I asked her what hers was so we can pick it up. Shine by Kendall Lannis. That's her podcast. Yes, yeah, yeah, very very nice. Oh wait, I think I got a fella. Hold. I got a call from a fella because we said we love my fellas Hill. My name is Johnny d Um. I have a question not about one episode, is about a multiple episodes that you, uh, lady who spoke about. And I'm also a fan of everything that you want to be doing that eloquently speaking about. But the question that I have three questions in one. The question is is around sexual assault. I have friends and I have a wife that has been dealing with sexual assault. Um. The question is what does the other side of sexual assault look like when it comes to loving someone or that species that wronged you? For one? And for two, when it comes to sex period, what does it look like? And then it can it be you know, how how do you get open enough to have sex with a person? Uh? And for three, when it comes to if you should or should not have a porn mother like Vanessa del Rio, as you guys put it um, because that is the graduation stage. Maybe or maybe not to be open to do more sexual exploration in that and if you're comfortable in that. I have these questions because I'm also a life coach and I also deal with many different things of many different women, and I have sisters, I have aunts, to have a lot of women in my life that has helped me. So I'm wondering with all these questions, and I apologize that there are so many. What does the other side look like with all of these other levels when someone that has wrong with you? Thank you and thank you for your time. M hmm, thank you. So we had three questions. Is there any way to go back so we can hear one at a time. Sure, let me see why I That's why I took that mental note, because I knew that Jill Scott would be testing me. Here we are. The question is what does the other side of sexual assault look like when it comes to loving someone or that species that wronged you? What does it look like when it comes to loving someone? Now, he said specie, but I believe he meant gender gender loving the other side, loving the other the gender that hurts you or harmed you. It looks like therapy. Friends. To me, it looks like it looks like plenty of therapy and unpacking. I remember, like you had mentioned, you know that you had a hard time opening your legs. That you know, that really struck me, because you know, that's really that's really what we got, you know, protecting this gold mine over him. You know, we got these legs that kind of hopefully will will bind together so that somebody can't take advantage of us. Yeah, that's it's quite a bit friend, you know, to to date again, or to try again, to trust somebody, to sleep around someone, you know, once you literally close your eyes right and to ows your eyes to truly rest, you know, and not be on guard. It takes time. It takes time, and it takes I would believe that it takes slow friendships, reals slow friendships with men. You know, if that's who it was, it may it may have well been a female that did something like that to you, But it takes time and really really slow friendships to build trust. And I think it's a wise decision if you have been sexually assaulted to take a class as well. This might sound so I'm just saying this is what I think. I'm sure you guys, you ladies are gonna jump further into it, but it's I think it's a really good idea to take a self defense class so that you you can begin to feel like you have some level of power again in in your protection, in your safety and well being. I think that was a good answer. I think, you know, trying to support somebody through a trauma really can be very similar no matter what the trauma is. You know what I'm saying, having that patience, encouraging them to get support outside of yourself, whether it's through group therapy, whether it's individual therapy, um encouraging them to understand about their own wellness and investing in that. Those are the kinds of things and what partnership and friendship looks like for a person who's you know, a survivor. Yeah, yeah, absolutely, And then you don't have to be a woman to to be that friend. A person can open up to a mail if that is the energy that they're giving, If they're giving the right energy, I think they're open to feeling that. As far as as far as being in a relationship. You know, again, that's just about patients. That's about understanding, like you said, taking allowing them the time to heal and work on that healing and um not taking things personal, not believing that it's a you know, at tackle on the relationship or that they don't trust you. It's just that they are dealing with the traumatic experience. But I think that that happens with trauma across the boarder. I really believe that. But I think that that can happen no matter what the traumatic experience. Sometimes we have a way of mothering a sexual assault and though it has its specific kinds of outcomes in terms of how people respond, but overwall support and support hard should we do? The second question when it comes to sex period, what does it look like? Can it? Can it be? You know? How how do you get open enough to have sex with a person after sexual assault? How do you get open enough to have sex with a person again? It's the same, It's it's time and patience. Patience. Yes, it's a lot of patients there. How does the woman or the man become open enough to to do it again, both of them? For the person who was assaulted and the person who's trying to engage in sex with someone who has been assaulted, like patience for that person and patience for yourself. Yeah, because you might you might be going without for a while. You know, if you're the partner of someone who's sexually assaulted you, your you might be going without for a while. And I know how you know that can be frustrating. You're in a relationship and you don't intend on being celibate, but it is, you know, it is what it is. Hopefully, hopefully your relationship is strong enough to bear that, because the last thing I would say to somebody if you feel like your partner who has been sexually assaulted, they're not giving you what you need. I think you would have to to try your best to be honest. It's not a good time to break up. It's not a good time, you know, but it's worse to be cheated on. So you know, adding that being sexually assaulted and cheated on is that's that's that's too much to offer friendship. But realize where you are in your life that this is not what you want. Celibacy is not something that you want in a relationship. You know, I would say that, you know you have to be really honest about that, but continue to be a friend. Don't just disappear like I can't getting us or I'm out. You know that that's a whole other trauma attached to that, because now you know they're thinking about sex in a way that it's not going to be healthy later either. You know, when when something happens like that to someone with sexual assault happens to someone you love, there's a lot of patients, and you have to be honest on your on your side, and if it's a marriage or something, when it happens during the relationship and you feel like you might need some therapy because just knowing that your person was violated can be ah, you know, mind thing. Let me say there's a circle back, just a little tiny bit that also to not even just how you interact sexually with a person who is a survivor, but the things you say out of your mouth. I think it's really important to understand what trigger survivors. I think a lot of people say things, and especially things not understanding rape culture, not understanding our society and how it works. How you can say things that have quote unquote opinions about things that trigger your mate or trigger a person close to you who is a survivor. So you know, while you're talking about you know, you still want to listen to a certain person song, or you want to do this, or you want to do that, or you want to talk about a rapper or this person or whatever. Be careful, you know, educate yourself about what that means and how that feels to survivors, because sometimes it's not even Maybe maybe you're okay when not having sex, maybe you're okay with going to therapy, but maybe you don't really understand from a you know, a political and societal kind of side of it, that that there's just certain things you don't do and say, wow, I think that you have to also ask a lot of questions, you know, don't be on the other side not you know, just guessing and assuming you have to do. You have to ask how do you feel? What do you think? What do you want? You know? What what do you think is best? You know? What shouldn't I do right now? Mm hmmm. And the last but final question from my man Johnny did and for three when it comes to if you should or should not have a porn mother like Vanessa del Rio, as you guys put it um, because that is the graduation stage maybe you or maybe not to be open to do more sexual exploration in that and if you're comfortable in that, you're saying, should someone have someone to look up to? And in sex? Yeah, I had to separate that question from the first two because initially I was like, wait, this has something to do with the first two, But no, he just asking separately, just should a person have someone to look to, somebody that looked I mean most of us do we just yeah, like, it's usually several people who don't. I'm sorry there are some people who don't. There are still some people who have a lot of sexual stigma and believe a lot of things they should not do. A lot of people I'll never forget one time I was on Instagram and I asked people like, had an old had an elder ever told you some old toxic mess that you didn't realize was a hot mess till later? And when I tell you sexual stuff just in general. But what I'm saying is that people have a tendency to implant certain beliefs around, specifically around something like sex, that can mess you up for life. So yeah, come, let's keep it real. We come from the era we giving head was just something talked about. It was a white girl's thing in a night these right then we that's when it was like black girls don't do that in the nineties, and now all of a sudden then we started, you know, but we've been doing it, but we just maybe didn't talk about it. But but my point is, I think it might be a good idea for somebody to to be able to have someone who can help them become more comfortable with with sex. I mean there are therapists that works specifically around sex. Sex therapists people who talk to folks about you know, you know, just about kind of pulling back whatever it is stuff that they have holding them. You know, that's holding them back from having the best sexual experience that they can and the most healthy one. So yeah, I mean I think that could be just as helpful as any kind of other therapists. I don't know where you find them. I mean, like therapy, absolutely, but I don't know where you find the friend um. I am sexual mother to several um women. Uh Um. I guess that's the only way I could put it. A mentor okay, mentor to being on these conversations with the last tip of you gave. I've got so many questions. The last my advice she gave as the mom. For me, it was a it was a couple, they've been together for a few years. They're both exceptionally beautiful to look at, but the sex was a little it was a little more aggressive than what she wanted, and that she didn't mind the aggressiveness of it, but you know, she wanted something else. And my response to her it was that she was going to have to take charge of it, that she was going to have to maneuver in ways that are not typical, that there's waves of the ocean, and that she was going to have to mimic those waves and they're not back and forth, and they're not up and down. Yes, j come on, mimic the way. It ain't up and down, and it ain't up and down, and it ain't back and forth. It's communication. It's a conversation and when she says she but she needs him to to respond in kind, you know, or say something completely, say something different, but nonetheless respond and then after a while, the community it starts that you're talking at the same time. Now you're speaking the same language. But it's a it's a practice, but it's it's not what you know. It appears to be you know, on on the most im porn, most most porn is like up and down and back and forth. You know that it's that's not it. We're talking about connecting, We're talking about communicating. It's it's a it's a whole different vibe. Yeah, now you can get some more calls on this one down jails. Oh you get it? Thanks you Okay, okay, ask let me not stop, let me stop. Look, don't put it on to me, stop, let me stop. I'm in my notes some ways, more conversation after the break, let me play way. I think I missed. I didn't get Stephanie in. Hey, y'all, my name is secon Me and I just needed to tell y'all, thank y'all so much for everything y'all doing in this podcast. I've been listening since day one, and I've been wanting to call y'all, like almost every episode, UM to talk about how they y'all are. UM, one of my favorite people y'all interviewed with fine Pe and that was just the most hilarious episode ever. But today episode I literally just finished listening to it, and it was they survived so you could thrive, And I just appreciate you all to just bringing up so many things that I've thought about so many times, and so where I am right now in my life at forty one, feeling like middle age and being a single woman, um not married with no kids, and it's just like thinking about expectations of generations before me, and how I sometimes feel like I'm not where I should be because I don't have all the things that we're impressed in my mind that I should have basically at this point in my life, and thinking about the fact that I have friends who I graduated from high schools just who are now like grandparents and I'm just like wow, like WHOA, Okay, that's interesting. And also seeing a generation of young people who are in their twenties who are like killing it in every aspect of a game in life and just have so many things that I'm still aspiring to have. And it's just like, you know, hearing y'all articulate the differences in language and trying to catch up and keep up with all of the new things that are coming about now, as well as trying to let go some of these old traditions that were put in place before us that no longer serve us. I mean, thank you all for being like voices. Thank you' all for just being beautiful minds and spirits, and I appreciate you'all for just being like the big sister cousins um that I would just love to hang with. You know, I'm still trying to figure out and find if I have a tribe. I guess everybody does. Pause, Like, thank you all for being pretty much a virtual tribe for me to hear things that I wouldn't have heard otherwise if y'all hadn't brought this podcast to light for us to hear. You're beautiful mine. So I'm grateful to jel Asia, Like, yeah, thank y'all so much. It's so many topics that you'll touched on, but this one right here. Cut off on it because you know, we only got a limited time on that voicemail. Y'all know what it is, right, But that was beautiful and so heartfelt and so understandable, so understandableby girls. That was I was like, she's talking about my life talking so understandable. I want to tell you, when it comes to building your tribe, you have to start to do the things that really float your boat. Go go and do those things even if it is by yourself and when you do it really enjoy it. Whether it's crocheting in the park or maybe you join you know, approcheate club. I'm not I'm not saying that because that's an old thing to do. Crocheting is dope, So anybody who doesn't think, you know, but I'm just saying, whatever it is roller skating and that's what you like to do. If you're a roller coaster advocate, if that's something that you're like, you're like really rock with roller coasters. You know, there's there are people that do what you do bike riding and and go go where they are, go to group commercial about this. Really, I'm sure there is, but you know, go search out your folks and if that's not the right one, find another one. You know, it's it's like nothing just happens. You have to actually get up, go out and do something, and you know, go and go ahead and find your people. And if you're looking for a relationship, you know, this is my my thoughts on on that is that you have to start hanging out with happy people, hang out hang out with with people who enjoy being of service to them, be of service to them. I'm not saying be a slave to him. I'm just saying, be of service to them if they you know, they need something, or if it's an older couple, do nice things for them, like what you do good. Be gat's good, you know, and I know that to be true. You know, just just spending your time with people who actually really like each other and love each other and honor each other, they exist, and be of service to them. That's the if that's your way to get in, you know, find out if they need their dog walks, find out, you know, and make a couple of bucks at it. While you're doing it, and you're getting some exercise, you know, look at the look at the pluses, find all the pluses of your life, and just jump into those pluses hard and smile as much as you can and enjoy the ride, and don't worry about the rest of it. I know, you know, regardless of what your mind might be saying or somebody else about what you should have, what your consciousness saying to you, you know, about what you should have it should have, could have, would have. It's it's somebody else's stuff. It's not your existence. This is what you have, So you can get because if you don't know that you're grateful for what you got, how are you gonna give you what you want? But I'm just, oh, girl, if I don't know that you're grateful for what you got, why why would you give you what you want? Ain't even grateful for what you got? And we're not talking about you, we're just speaking specifically like and you know, well specifically in general, but move talking about but even once up earlier about the tribe thing. I think what happens is that we do take someone for granted that we have one and then for some of us have multiple, and I think we think that's just regular. It's it's not. It's not everybody doesn't have that, And some of us are overcoming trauma that's keeping us from doing this. Like you said, going out, maybe you depressed, maybe you don't get out, Maybe you're dealing with some trauma that makes you afraid, maybe you've been through something. So I think again, that's heartwarming and encouraging to hear someone say I get that tribe thing. I'm getting some of that from listening to you all. You know what I'm saying, and so now you can pinpoint what it feels like. So it sounds like what it sounds like, what it feels like, So then you can say, okay, boom, all right, I kind of have at least a little idea about what it is I'm looking for, what works for me, the kind of conversations I'm trying to have with the people in my circle. So that's yeah, that's that's fabulous. Just a sidebar, right real quick. For anybody who wants to learn something from another person, be of service to them. Wait, sit out again, jil. If you're if you want to learn something from another person, be of service to regardless of what it what it may be, you know what I mean, what it is that you want to learn? You know, the student is a humble it's it's being a student is a humble act. So act do do something, you know to benefit your teacher. You know, well what old girl had to bring pie may what she had to make him uh rice, and she had to make him his tea, and you know she had to clean and sweep and do everything else. So he trainer, you know, Mr Miyagi, you know, off and then carry to care, read the buckets and do the thing. If you really want to know if you really want to learn be of service and you know what, stuff not for nothing. Stephanie from Detroit who asked that question, I can say too, if you're on Twitter and you hit the hashtag jd il, you might find some tribal some tribal members in there, like maybe you start there, Like I was looking at my girl Donna, who was came when we did Our Our Lives, even a live virtual man. We have some folks that really been down and they stayed with us, and Donna is one of those and she live tweets our show. So people like Donna she around. I feel she might be tri for you. Stuff. You never know, y'all. Betta introduced, Yeah, yeah, hey, girl, you like every part of it because I'm gonna tell you something. It is nothing like a girlfriend, but like, girl, I need to connect you with someone. Yeah, yeah, listen, however, this happy days over here about that? Yeah, go ahead, got the soul proof too, because they always laugh to tweeting our show as well. Show enough, we're gonna take a quick break and then we'll be right back. All right. Let me let me let me see what Latoy talking about over here. Hello, Jill and the rest of the ladies. This is Latoy Brown and I'm talking about the long bus. And that's that was a great episode. The hour was definitely not enough. I am studying to be an a romance therapist, so I was all over that one. And I'm reading a book called Essential Healing that has a lot of what you're talking about, and more the benefits of natural posture. And nobody thinks about the Nettie pod to rinse out your nose. Nobody thinks about all the bacteria and that gets trapped inside of our noses. So that was a great episode. I loved it. I love you all. Have a good one. Thank you, bye bye, thank you. You know, my mother has been saying that for a long time, since I was a child, you gotta wash your nose out. Yet that that was in my house, I wish I didn't have. Get yeah, you can't have no. I have a deviated sept all right, so it won't go it won't go over there. Mm hmmm, it all it doesn't make hurt. Damn, you're gonna make me try this. I'm always scared to put that stuff up my nose. You know. I don't like to put afron in my nose, but I don't know. It's not nothing you want. It won't bother you. But my mother did that a lot because she had real bad allergies and it works, okay, you know what to help to relieve it. And you know the thing is like when little kids get sicknaated. We didn't do it with the full pot, but you know, with the drops and stuff. So you know, when little kids get sick, you know that that tussing ain't working, blessing tussing, but it you know sometimes like that, I mean that costs you learned early on kids. You gotta work a cold out of them. You know that kind of thing. So yeah, no, no, no, no. Peace out to all the practitioners and life coaches and people who are studying who find some value in the things that we've been talking about. That's kind of dope. I won't even lie. Its so dope. I was like, she's so much man, or what's your look at us? What was you look at us? Hey? Dr Javis Johnson. I'm just saying, I know you got some busts and you want all the TV shows, but we're doing some stuff and learning thing. Sham nothing reiggling in my waist. Oh, I want to do this one thing and I forgive me, listen, forgive me. I'm sorry I did not do my proper homework with this, but I remember this from someone hit me on Instagram, and I want to shout them out so maybe they can leave us a message if they listened to this. Someone did shot me out and said, I actually thanked us for continuing to acknowledge transpolting and l g B t Q black community because a lot of times, you know, we all had a role in this group, and sometimes we can be superhero normative and really center our own personal experiences, hederal ancests, we go as we go. It's the greatest. I love it. So I just want to at least kind of say that that we did get some feedback for trying to kind of make sure that we are thinking about all our folks, you know what I'm saying, and that when we talk about each other and our experiences, that we're sharing our personal experiences but not always centering our personal experiences. That we're letting everybody know that there's room in this room, at this table, in the circle, you know, at my house, in the bed, because everybody getting my damn bed because all black lives matter. I'm just joking everybody, and you're not and you're not, you're you're you're not joking and we're with you though. With that's that's that's, that's the part of it. We're here right here, or you're not, you're not by yourself and anything. Oh my god, it feels so good not to be alone and see I get it, guys. It feels so good to be brief and go all right, let me, how can I got one more? And we can, we can, we can start packing this up. And Hi, my name was Charles Gibbs and I'm Liah st Clair's brother. I was listening to your episode on Shame and I love it. I'm an avid follower of you and seeing me when you was here in d C with Chuck Brown. So but back to what I was saying, I like your episode on Shame and especially on g D Park because I'm one with a g D and like she said, great minds comes from people with g D two. So again, keep up the good work you and your team. Well, thank you very much. JR. Oh. I just I was like, do we have something that you need to tell us? Because I'm a whole only child, but I do have a lot of play brothers, and Junior is one of my play brothers that I kind of grew up. I kind of grew up around on the d C. He was my neighbor. Okay, okay, still he still comes over and has the time. He supports everything I do. But yeah, come on. Well he mentioned the g D episode and I did have a comment from somebody about that. It's a great episode. I love this conversation. Every week we share the same g D shame. And ironically, I am also in a circle of very educated peers and sister friends. I never feel afraid to speak, but I always carried out and wonder should I be here in this room with this opportunity. It's freeing to know I'm not the only one. And that was her. I g handle is O wise one? Come on girl, one with a Z nice. That was one. There was another one of those moments when when I was shut up, like you shut up, shut up, don't don't worry about me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Oh my god, I wish I was closer. I was throwing I was so I was. There's been so many instances when when listening to this podcast, and I just feel so proud of us, like for for like unzipping, you know, and unpacking. Like every time we have a conversation, it's like letting go of something. Sometimes it's a it's a small thing that you're like, okay, you know, cool, you know I could do something about that. And then sometimes it's just a big, heavy, major boulder that we've been carrying around for years. So I just really want to say thank you to my Heart Radio for giving us this opportunity to to communicate with each other. And as I can tell, you know that these conversations have been really beneficial for other people too, and that's the best part of it all, you know. So as we're healing and learning and growing as we go, oh um, you know, the people are learning and growing and healing along with us, and that feels wonderful. It really does. Thank you so much for listening to Jay dot Ilga podcast. It is our esteemed pleasure and privilege to share our hearts and minds with you. Thank you so much. Next time, Hi, if you have comments on something we said in this episode, call eight six six. Hey Jill, if you want to add to this conversation. That's eight six, six, three, nine, five, four five five. Don't forget to tell us your name and the episode you're referring to. You might just hear your message on a future episode. Thank you for listening to Jill Scott Presents Jay dot Il the Podcast. This podcast is hosted by Jill Scott, Layah st Clair, and Aga Graden Danceller. It's executive producers are Jill Scott, Shawn g and Brian Calhoun. It's produced by Layas st Clair. The editing and sound design for this episode we're done by Christina Larenger. Let me tell you something. That's how I sing in the shower. Just in case anybody had any questions like if you're asking if sink would singers sing in the shower? What? How did they be in there? Killing? No, it's terrible, terrible every time, and it feels it feels so good. It feels so good from love you baby, sound good though. J dot Ill is a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from I heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows