The Right White Friends?

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot m a production of I Heart Radio. What's Up? What's Up? What's up? Everybody? Oh, we hope you are doing beautifully right now in this moment as you are listening to Jay dot Ilder podcast with myself, Scott Aga, Graden Dansler Hell and the lovely Liar st Clair. Oh yeah, I am. How did you know? I see you? Darling? Friends, we are sitting here cracking up. We're talking about the right white friends. We're talking about our our white right friends. Are white white right white white friends, white white friends? And what does that look like? Because you know, you think, alright, there's some sisters that that know who they are. They are familiar with their history, not everything, but you know what I'm saying, and have a sense of pride about who they are and are not hiding from it. Pretty on a bass, shildly open about being proud of ourselves and our culture and history. We might think that we don't have any white friends but suppries, But we don't know me. You don't know everything everything about me for sure. Now I kind of I gotta admit I don't have a lot. Oh yeah, I don't have a lot. You have something that are absolutely quality friendships that I love. Oddly enough, my my white girlfriend, one of my favorite white girlfriends, calls me. She calls me black lady. No, yes, yes, yes, she calls me black lady. And it tickles us to no end when we are at the not when we're at the I'm good that thing tickles us so much because we know people that other people can hear us having these conversations. I call her white lady as well. Should people uncomfortable in public? Yes, time might have to go over this with my white friends, although I will have to say the first time they call me black lady, I might in it bertly push them in the mouth and then I have to apologize and work it out later. What's wrong with it? What's what's the What's what's what feels funny about? You know, your your white girlfriend calling you black lady. You know, but it's just like I just have to get over sometimes you just feel funny with the word black coming out there. But what's about to say? What sensitive? I know, I know it's very sensitive for me all the time. I mean, you gotta put it down sometimes, I mean, like I know, but let me tell you, I actually have a slight sensitivity to my white friends using a v so like sometimes like if they say something we're talking there, like they're like, oh, yeah, girl, or they say something like uh like oh that's dope or um or like that, and I'd be like, oh, um, okay, I know what you I know what you mean. I know what you mean. I know I know what you're saying. It's something in my spirit. That's what I feel. I feel. Don't you feel like a little even if you don't say nothing, it's like, it's just I felt something just now. I don't know what that was. I don't I know, I'm wrong. Maybe she just said hey girl, she just said hey girl, but it was I mean, I mean, okay, So then maybe we really don't have Maybe what Jill has reached the comfort level that we should be trying to get to, where it's like we can get rid of all the little tink tanks and get to the to the meat of the relationship. Oh, get rid of the tink tanks. Yeah, I mean, but the tink tinks are hard for me. But I tend to at least say so. I mean for the most part, like for the most part, but then sometimes no, I don't know because I don't want to be the bummer of the conversation. Like I will admit that that all of my white girls have white husbands. I will admit that I get the girl not see but she but she brings up a good point. Though. Is it easier when your white girlfriends day white men then when you are competing with your girls? Because IM gonna ta you something right now, y'all. You know, in my white girl relationships, I have been challenged because all my white girls likes them something brown and that has not always been easy for me. I have. We have gotten to this place with a lot of progress, you know what. And I know the friendship that you're talking about. And I have been really impressed with you over the years, honestly, Like I've really been impressed with you. I don't get to see that. Yeah, well how about that. But let's talk about it just a little bit without having to, like, you know, break into the friend code. You know what I'm saying, Well, how does that happen? Like do you feel I mean the comfort obviously you love this person, because I'm gonna tell you right now, I feel like like an argument sometimes it's an expression of love where it's like it's worth it to express myself and and we're gonna, you know, we're gonna close the shutters and have this hard conversation to preserve the friendship. So like walk us through like maybe one time where it was like all right, boom, like Nazis like this ain't gonna work, or she had a Nazis this ain't gonna work for me moment that was like our first real moment where we had to have a whole card conversation. Like I'll tell y'all, shout out to my sister Stacy because we've been through it. And I was in the radio and Philly and me and Stacy were roommates living in the same home together, and one day she was riding in the car with her mother and listening to the radio, and she just happened to hear like his opinions on interracial dating. Yea, even though we've been friends for years, but I felt, you know, I was on my safe space on the radio to be like, listen, black love is it toney? And I probably went in in some way and she was a litt of shocks that when I came home and she was like, yeah, what was that about? Was that wow? And that was a really hard conversation. Like then, it's it's it's led up to numerous conversations throughout the years, whether it be a Facebook post. But we disagree, but we have to just agree to disagree, you know, and she understands that, Like I just got it. Thankful black love. I love you though, and I love him too, and I see all of you know, that's that's dope. That's dope love. But I will have to say that again, this is a testament to the strength of friendship when it really exists. Because if if that's as raw as it was going to it was getting in that conversation, I'm gonna say, Okay, there is definitely a mutual love there. So I just feel like, Okay, I'm probably guilty of not quite being raw enough. Yeah, I believe, you know, just because I I tend to I tend to be worried about people's feelings and stuff like that, and sometimes if I feel somebody's intentions are really good, I try to kind of more so be like, oh, well the intention wasn't that blah blah blah. But then what I will do is pull back. So it's like I just kind of would rather be in a safer space where I don't feel like I got a police it, you know what I mean, where it's like I don't really want to have to police my friendships, you know, And so it's kind of like, uh, you know. One of a situation that happened with me was like I was doing some work on an interview, like doing it like a little mini doctor, and I was interviewing one of my friends about the whole defund the police issue, and she had just lost a student of hers to gun violence, and she was like really still hurting and grieving, and she was doing a lot of work with the mother and everything like that, and Honey, when we were talking about defund the police, she kind of like not because whoever shot my student got to go to you know what I'm saying. Like she was going in about about violence and about police presidents and about having more police presidents and stuff like that. So she and I had to have a little talk offline, like, sis, you do realize that that was your personal experience, but when you release the dogs on the whole community because of gun violence, what you're gonna ultimately see is something terrible happened to multiple young people. It is actually not going to improve the situation at all, you know what I mean. In fact, it's gonna victimize you know, many more people. But I have that kind of conversation with my black friends, so to be a hundred of person, honest, I don't really think that that was simply because she was white. I just think she was just personally connected to a situation that made her politics you a certain kind of way. So that was probably one of the few times where I really had to be like, Sis, no, that's not the it like it's the second term. Well no, I'm saying, sister, y'all, I don't asking. Yeah, that's a good question. Girl, I do say girl, I say girls. I say I think I said, But then again I may have had woman maybe I see. It's it's it's that intention in that girl for me too, because if if a stranger calls me girl, you know, a white stranger woman calls me girl, I have to process and process. But in the South, my love, that thing gets thrown around like it's nothing, So you know, I have to process. I'm like, Okay, did I feel anything under that? And if I did, then I have to to look around and you know, do what I do. I look around and I said, oh, how kind of you. I'm forty nine years old. I haven't been a girl for a long time, and typically that thing, you know, it squelches that energy, you know, and if and if another one pops up, then I'll say, it's fine to call me miss Scott. I'm I'm gonna need I'm gonna need only a sister, a familiar gay man, queer man, or uh yeah, a white girlfriend that I know that still says it with some type of tone that I've recognized. Well, what if it's what if it's your your white queer friend, male friend, Yeah, is he allowed? Well oh sis, no, no, no, he can't call me sis, but maybe you can go. Maybe he can go. Girl. That's because maybe sister, sister is it feels different. It's not like sister, you know, I mean, that's logistics. My my black friends have gone to calling me sister and friend, hi friend or hi sister like and I love it. Actually, I think it's actually kind of cool. But that yeah, it's it's you know, it's all about the and it's all about you, that person and that individual, right because it's kind of like, so where you raised and a very white populated town, and then you moved here and then you found blacks and now you talk with a little bit of twin twine or where is this where you were born and raised around and that's just how you talk because we got a lot of that. Uh yeah, I think it depends on the end of it. I mean, I can think of two white women who I would consider friends right now who just literally don't talk like that. They don't talk like that. They don't I mean they're married white men. I mean, they're not not that that. Really that doesn't bother me quite as much as I feel like it. They're married to white men. Yeah, but if they weren't, I kind of feel like it doesn't bother me the same way that it does other black women. But because I just I don't think about it as much. We'll be right back. Can I just explain See, I feel like I should explain this. I'm the girl, although I'm I know, I'm the blackest hell friend. For some reason, I'm very attractive to white people, right and especially white women. So when I speak on my experience is I'm really regretting that whole dog thing that I did. But I need people to understand it. Like I'm the girl that when my girlfriend can the black man for the first time, she wanted to tell me, and she wanted to tell me how thick his lips were and like and how I mean like, I never I just never knew that, and so I had to what when Honestly, I'm not even gonna lie to you. Had that been my background, I probably would feel the way you feel because, like I said, okay, had that been a situation that I had to deal with, I don't know. I think it would make me uncomfortable. Now I'm the person who gets a tink a tinge from being called this. You know what I'm saying. I'm that person, so I can imagine where that could be. But this is your girlfriend. She would be able to tell you how she's feel it, how she's feeling like that. You're supposed to be a safe space too, you know what I'm saying, Like, oh gosh, yes, but she can we just go to restaurants and eat? Can we just go eat? And I had to admit that if it were any any female in the universe and they came to me about talk, you know, talking about kissing the black man for the first time in the lips and softness of the lips, I would have to agree. Like it's not like she lying, Like like I'm saying, it's not a lot detectives. It's not a lot of detected It's not like they're a vibe. Is there a vibe where you feel like your white friends, male or female or other or whatever has to kind of meet a certain kind of political or social commitment, and like what does that look like for me? It means that you have you have a clear understanding that people are people for me from from that perspective black people. Yeah, that's my perspective. I really love my culture. I love my variants and skin colors. I just love it that ship is fired to me. It's so beautiful to me. And the freckles and all the stuff that we could do with the red faces and in the green eyes. I mean, you listen, the list is long. I just love that we could make so many colors and in one family. Like, I think that's fantastic. Yes, truly, truly. You can't front on that at this point out Like, come on, h what are these kind of requirements like, do they have to be like out in the streets with the signs? Do they have to be like consistently? Now, that would be nice, But a lot of my black friends are not out in the streets with the signs hold on you. But they're black, and he's already dealing with being black. That's a full time job. As to the the the to the extreme right, to the are they out there marching for the people? Whatever? Let me ask you this question because I got mad with my white girlfriend who had she ain't listening, who had just kissed her black man for the first time, had told me that she had never seen a Spike Lee movie. I don't know. I don't think that you. How are you for me? I'm sorry not to be petty or maybe that's you know, but I feel like you as a white person that's wrapped in the culture. But I mean, I ain't going a lot to you like. But then on the flip side, it's like you certain things you can't turn into, like these benchmarks, because that's the problem with a hell of liberal white people down They'll be like, look, I have seen every Spike Lee film. I'm prepared to be wide marched with Dr March with Dr King. God damn it, why it was. I was in the six hundred and forty second row, but I was with I watched the march from my office. But come on, y'all, not like, but but but if a black person saying they've never seen a Spike Lee movie, like I'm a balk at the black woman the white woman that they and all these black dudes and in the culture, like yeah, you ain't how you ain't huh, but but but but but but does she necessarily have to be in the culture because quite friendship, Look, she's sucking that man. And I think I prefer when she's in her own ship. Be in your bag, mommy, be in your bag, me too. And I honestly feel like, for friendship's sake that somebody who is just secure in their own stuff, Like it's one thing. If you just enjoy culture, that's cool. Enjoying culture is perfect. It's like, it's great. We can have conversations about hip hop, we can have conversations about all kinds of different things that black folks do, because black folks do every damn thing. So it's like, yeah, we have lots of conversations about that kind of stuff. But I just feel like, ultimately, I like when people just kind of secure and I like and generally for all my friends. I mean, now, I will say this, I have a tendency to be able to compartmentalize my black friends. So I don't have to talk politics with every single one of my black friends. I don't have to talk about certain things with my black girlfriends. Some big ship come up, like until if it's something that I feel like it's gonna be harmful to us as a whole, then we're gonna have a little learning moment if for some reason they double down on some stuff. Like if I if one of my girlfriends is just like, yeah, you know why I just went to go march to free r Kelly, then yeah, no, we're probably not going rock after that. Like we that's not with anybody after that, anybody, We're probably not gonna lock. But I'm saying, I'm like, we're not even friends in the first place, likely you know what I'm saying. So there is like a cut off. But I just feel like I feel like sometimes it's just about language, right, So like if I'm talking to my white friends, it's certain things I don't want to have to explain. So I just feel like you just kind of have to have a certain baseline. If your baseline is not where we can have a conversation that I don't feel like I'm constantly educating you, then we're rocking. But if it's a constant, I gotta worry, I gotta correct you, I gotta got educate you. I gotta you know. But I'm just gonna say that's fun. That's not even fun. But I'm just gonna say this about and we talked about this about them between black folds and white folks. In the way black folks, you know most of everything, there is no about white folks, right, White folks admittedly don't really know about us. So if you're gonna be my friend, though, I'm gonna need you to be better than the average white person in that way because I know all about you. So when I bring up that Spike Lee thing, I'm only saying that because I've seen the club. I've seen pretty and pink. I sween I've seen secret of my success. I said, like, I've seen all of that. So I'm just saying I don't I can't get what you on that now. I mean that explanation brought it home from me. I ain't gonna that. That definitely brought it home for me because we do spend a lot of time just being inundated with their culture and we know it's so well and that's true. That's true. That's like like I know is I know, like come on, like don't like but you don't know. One Spike. I just saw her last week. She looked great. Yeah she does. She was yeah, whole girls. Yeah, okay, why not she so she was so damn beautiful, like you know, I mean she still is, and shout out to her. She was one of the first I guess, like Hollywood celebrities or whatever to to like really get behind me too and understand what it was about. Mind you and not my white girlfriend. Yeah she could. I believe that she would just a little bit. You know what I'm saying, me trying to change her. Where's your white girlfriend in your head? That's a good question. Well I have a couple, mmm, because I'm whiter than y'all things. Yeah, he come to truth, It comes to truth, opened up the box. Yeah, you got Jill famous, famous, so her her her friend, her head might actually be her. I'm only famous and a half face. And and I really I really like Chelsea Handler. See let's talk about you and her being girlfriends. Come on, I like her. Wait wait, because she is a great exact See that's the thing. She would be happy to get custed out by me and still call me the next like that type of girl who would be like, okay, bitch, I was wrong. But I feel like she's really want to have much to that. She's not scared of the ship. No, you know what I mean. That's and that's and I like that you're not scared of the ship, like right right, But she didn't start talking crazy, you know what I mean, Like, she didn't start like acting like you know, Chelsea shan queen, don't you know the two l comments. But I ain't mat her because she Chelsea and she know how the word the motherfucker's you know, well, she is a comedian and she's I find her to be right. I'm saying, that's my that's my friend, crush, my girlfriend crush, you know, one of mine in my head. Even though she didn't get in a little bit of trouble every now to day, did she get real familiar because of her husband, But Ashley Ram Ashley Rab is one of my girlfriends in my hand. I actually have talked to her and the husband, who, by the way, is from DCPG County Home School, Like, oh but right now, oh you know Ashley? Oh yeah, she's a plus size model. She's white, yo something. It depends on the lighting, but she's definitely like from like Kentucky or Nebraska. Says so she's from Lincoln the breast. Yes, yes, And I also was impressed that her husband, when he met her too, he didn't know she was white. So I gave him that for free, Like, oh, okay, she gotta ask like a black girl. I can see you thought she was. You could have been a creo after I always thought she was a Latino. My bad. I don't know who you got agent? Who is Asian's white girlfriend in her head? Lord Jesus please sitting over here trying to think of who it is because I'm like, who is it? I was like, who is it? I'm going through my Instagram like who follow I was let me think I wanted Test Holiday? Who I follow? Testicize model Test Holiday. I'm always going for the B asan always on the B side. I like her energies Diane Keaton. Oh, I feel like, yeah that she could be fun if we're going into that age range. And I tell you my white girlfriend broke my heart and my great gir girl from my head who broke my heart? Yes, how did you know she broke who is it? Wait a minute, bet, because you know she is on my wall. I mean she kind of rolled it back, but I want to say that what she said was and she did. She said some other problematic stuff, but the first thing she did was she tweeted out that women are the niggers of the world and mind you, she mind you. This was a quote from Yoko Owner, which was also equally problematic. So the fact that she did not understand that the first time it was said it was some bullshit, and then she didn't tweeted it. Yeah, yeah, this is the danger. See, this is the danger. This is the danger that just that rocked me that, Oh I don't like it. You know what? I also like, really had a crush on Dolly Parton asked me to yeah, you like Dolly park to the Negroes for sure, though she ten that money and gave up. M hmm, well she does. She's doing the right thing. I went to her amusement park, which was very, very different as all amusement park goes. It's called Dollywood. It's in Gatlinburg, Tennessee. You know. Okay, So the rides are phenomenal. I will say that some of the best rides in the country, wrap real wrapping my mind. Her rides are faster than anything I've seen. They're great. But there's a museum inside of the yep, they have a working church. We'll say that there is a working church. There is some shout from happening in the church while people are having rides and waiting a line and eating stuff Southern delicacies. I only want. I don't know. They're like, I don't understand. It's a Turkey leg type of place. Or it's like default of all seasons corn dogs. I don't understand. I don't understand. I'm like, it makes you feel like you had COVID, like really like really everything everything. So she's still your girlfriend. Well, listen, this is where she lost me. I went to the museum. There's a gospel museum in the amusement park, and there was not a single black person in it. And I was like, oh, I mean it was so bad that all I could do was laugh. I'm supposed to me, it's it's it's the gospel us girl, listen, ain't no Mahalia see that table. I would have you gotta laugh at that? She like, I would have busted out all my ass looking like an I kept walking around. I was like, this is ridiculous, Like it was ridiculous to me. I was like, are you serious right now? They ain't no one of the blind boys in Alabama like that. It's like, we ain't got nothing. There's no black people in here. Wowrefa Franklin ain't in here. Ain't even a refa, no a refa, not even my head, not even hell yeah, it's not even hand clapping. I couldn't. I could not find one. And that thing blew me. It blew me. I was so She said, maybe there's a culture of gospel that I've never heard of, or how could blue grass is happening here? What in the bluegrass? What in the course of these out football with us up? We'll be back after the break. I won't tell y'all want other lady that's in that tribe that I kind of mess with. She my girlfriend, she's been my girlfriend for thirty years. And her name is Cindy Lapper because you can always the pen. Yes, so here here's a here's a Cindy Lapper like like also parallel is um with Annie Lennox. Yes, children, Like when I tell you, I feel like that could that's definitely who I'm trying to have wine with on a on a Friday. You know what it is. I figured it out just now. They're they're white women, but they're also so fit. Oh yeah, we are doing that. Well. My my white lady is definitely a white lady. And she grew up, you know, um in a very very wealthy family, and you know she's experienced that lifestyle and she's you know, she's um not wealthy, but she's comfortable. You know it could be more so. She she wants dad, who doesn't we We we do our thrift shopping and we do our little spots and you know, I just I do really love it when we're out and she's like, black lady, look at this, look at this, And I'm like, oh, you know what I mean, Like, white lady, you should get that. You can I ask you about your white friend. Does your white lady friend? Um? Because I know, we talked about politics. This is always something that that burned me to Death's super political. So but does she know the difference between women's rights and black women's rights or just she just you know that it is an interesting to a point, I'm pretty sure she does. I'm pretty sure she's Okay. Well, I will say this, I've gone kind of close to really cool white woman who is lesbian, married with children. So we have a lot in common in terms of just like our life, the way we live our lives. And and I don't know, sometimes I just feel like white folks who who have experienced some kind of marginalization in their lives kind of have a bit of a different entrance point with me. And I feel like our conversations in terms of just like relatability, there's there's something in there that we can meet, even sometimes without talking about that specifically. There's a kind of a humility and a different type of thing that comes from having experienced some kind of marginalization in the world and society that we can kind of meet in that place and there's just an openness, you know what I mean. And I feel like, you know, and and and and this is not the downplay the fact that there's hell of racism within the LGBTQ community. So obviously just by virtue of being a lesbian doesn't mean she ain't gonna be no racist. But the point is that I will say that, like she and I have have an interesting kind of entrance point with each other, and generally speaking, like when we talk, I feel like we hear each other, you know what I mean, Like I don't have to go into the deep explanation about certain things, and she kind of has an empathy that empathy with with people that I admire, you know what I'm saying. And so you know, it's not that she's never said anything to me that I felt like, oh, that was kind of typical and white of her to say, because she asked. But at the same time too, it's just like her general intention and her empathy always wins every time. Every interaction I've had with her has made me want to have another one. And so there are there's times when I'm like, as a friend, I feel like I'm careful to let her know when she's appreciated without talking myself out of it, because I feel like, oh, I don't want to give her a white person cookie for just being a good person. But I'm like, no, we're friends. So when she does something that makes me feel when she does something that makes me feel seen, and she does something that makes me feel loved and care for, then I feel like I should tell her that. You know what I'm saying side by side on my piano. Oh lord, why I've been thinking it for? I mean, this is the type of minutes I've been thinking that I've been thinking it. I've been thinking to feel this microphone that sounds all good. It does sound that's that's really how me a white lady are? You know what I mean? Like she is funny to us to crack up of them. I just want to hear out to each other. I will say this thought definitely letting her call you black lady in a white neighborhood, because I promise you, y'all, y'a ain't going down to the black folk letting her call you, no black lady, She go get up better. Not she's not gonna get back. She will say it because we're we're that. We are that with each other, Like there's no need for us to pretend to be something that we're not. We are I'm talking about other black people hearing her call you black lady, and they will hear me say, yeah, white lady, what you want, And then they're gonna say, oh, she talking to Jill Scott, so she must be cool. They like, because I was about to say because you're a black person, because I was about the same and hotly, I wouldn't. I would not appreciate somebody else calling her white lady. That's not for you. That's us. That's that's us. We say that's our thing, and nobody else could call me black lady. I can't imagine any of your white girlfriend surprised you with a good old like like I want say pro black rent but or something that you you was gonna hop on, but she hopped on first. You know what I'm saying, like, how oh yeah, because I didn't somebody that said the N word around my white girlfriend. And she's been like, what lit my white girlfriend she did? I mean she didn't quite get raucous. She got raucus in a white girl kind of way, but she didn't get like raucus with it. But like she she she'd be having her mind. She's always she's always thinking, and so her mind is like always going. So she was like a couple of times I missed like some meetings and some things that we were involved in because you know, I was like out of it at the time, and she called me. She was like, yeah, I think you should come to me, and I was like, well, I told you I wasn't coming out to this kind of stuff right now, and she was just like, um, yeah, So like if you don't come, and I was like, so, she's won't be running. So it's like she's always thinking ahead, like since the room gonna be the room. So I feel like, so I like that she's always got her brain is always going because she's like because her main thing is this the room. She being the ultra ultra Lily as White, so her whole thing is like I'm not gonna waste my place in this room. Right if I'm in the room, you're often to hear it. So I feel like like that that ship that warms my heart. So when I know she in there, when it's Lily Lily, and it's like, at least I know somebody's in there that ain't gonna let no dumb ship fly. That's an accomplice time and accomplish. What we said, the new Joy sound coompless, not an ally. Yeah, she's definitely accomplished, and she gonna know who she is when she when she listened to this, because I know she listens to the show. My other white women friends, they're Yeah, they're all so ful when I think about it, they're really connected to who they are. They love their family, they love their relationships. You know, they're they're loving. They're loving people. Yeah, I don't, I don't. I don't know any because nobody wants to be around trash people no matter what. I'm trying to be around no trash individual. And uh yeah, now let me ask you all this. Huh, y'all know how I go. You get you one good right white friend, but that don't mean they family. Oh girl, yeah, you know that's that's that's that's listen. I don't have you ever been in a social situation with your good white white and they around a whole bunch of shady asks Ragley white, my good white she keep me away from that was family member. She let me know that they exist, and then she keep me wrong because she'd rather not be about but had white folks, basically telling all they raggedy white family listen to, just trying to figure I had a friend, and I really considered her a friend, Okay, and during that last election, this check. First of all, I have been I have been doing business with her for years. I was very loving towards her children, like on a regular basis. Um. She was loving to me and mine and helpful in a lot of ways. And one day she posted something on Facebook and it was some real It was what what did she say? Police lives matter and black lives matter where? That's what she's Black lives matter where, That's what she said. And I was like, what, Okay, maybe maybe maybe she had posted it was some inner city situation where some something was shot something, and she posted that and said black lives matter where. And I was took me a second. I was like, way, okay, wait minute, let me see what she's trying to say. And it was like, let me just slow down and let me just try to understand what she's saying here. And this ship just got worse and worse with every post. I'm surprised, but that's why you go back in your mind over there real like exactly exactly. And I know that I had come through for her. She she was in a situation and you know, needed to borrow something and I you know, blended to her. I was just I was like shocked and amazed that all of these years and in the majority of her business was black people. So that messages, that phone call and those text messages went real fast, real fast. She specifically she was a travel agent for most of the artists that we know about, you know what I'm talking about, and all of those all of that that those messages went around real was like stop glad. Of course, I'm not glad the tragedy, but I'm with her that stuff happened last No, I mean, I'm just yeah, because it brought a lot of people up to the surface so kind of needed to. There's a lot of people who work with black people and depending on black people for stuff, but they still don't work with black people in their life. Oh yeah, we had a friend who who had come to the house. I hang do the right thing on the wall, and that's but that's what I'm thinking that it wasn't you know, it wasn't a genuine situation that Maddack, but it was all it was all the artists that she was working and getting her money, you know what I mean that maybe she had a relationship with all of us in that way, but when that ship hit the fans, that was definitely a stop and make phone calls. Do not use this to a studio apartment, but like you get yourself a ticket to where you're going, and that side of my business, like, ma'am, you you do know that we're following you where all your clients? You did do know that? More conversation after this break. I have a friend who ended a friendship because so when she was really close to the husband was really on that type time. So the girl was cool, but her husband was on Facebook going in and she's like, I care about you since but like, I can't do it in that situation. I can't do it. And honestly, like it made me think about a lot of things because I mean, me and my husband Donna share all the same politics, so I try to think about that, like, well, how would that feel like if somebody was like And again, I think it's so interesting because like in my family, a lot of times, if you're my friend, most people who are my friends end up me and my friends, and then my friends become their friend, Like you know what I'm saying, Like they get interfilled, you know what I mean. So it's like, so I always think about the whole idea of like when you have white friends, Like I said, how deep, how deep can you get embedded into their life because it just for them is but so far you can go before you find the racist, before you find the person just problematic. And it's like and I think that that that poses a really like unique situation with black folk when they're really trying to be friend white people. You know what I'm saying, Girl, I wish I could tell I wish I could tell y'all this story about a white person that had been implanted in my life. The uh. And in the beginning, everything was sweet. I was, that's cool, we didn't do that, We're cool. And then there were a couple of little things like at one time you thought we were in an in another room and I heard you talking to your friend on the phone and you was like, my nigga, and like you apologize for that, and you tearfully apologize for that, and that was great, but okay, that was like one for me. And then it was another time when you you came and you wanted to spend time on Juneteenths and on you. I just I can't even tell. I wish I could too much. I wish I could share. I just don't want to get in trouble. But it's just too much. That's why I don't know. That's something about being able to separate rate your white friend and just have a friendship outside of talking about race and all of that other stuff. I know some people kind of believe in that, but after experiencing the little small experience that I only gave you all a taste stuff, I'm like, I don't know if I want to be comforable and to talk to you about everything. I don't want to feel like all tight in my shoulders when something come up or a news story come up on the TV and we're both watching it, and it's like I don't want that, like even worse feeling an embarrassing moment where it was me. I was talking to my my black girlfriend and she was at her at her very very sweet they're so funning, sweet, sweet loving family. She was over their house chilling with them, and I was on speaker and I didn't know it, and I was like, oh man, so embarrassed. I'm so embarrassed, and I was like, well, you know how they smell when they wet. It was but wait, she's black. But let me just like a girlfriend is black and very close friends. They know they weren't in laws and friends and she loves them and I know why because they're they're truly nice, sweet. Somebody would just have a black to black moment. But but let me just say this. I will say this, but I felt terrible. White people who are really close to black people know that joke. Okay, they mean I like it, They know it. That's that's the way to test that they know that we say it. You know, I always wanted to know. I wanted to know what do we smell like to them? Food? Why did I just I'm so ignorant because I just thought about my food and cocoa girlfriend, And every time I just always thought of food and cocoa butter. That's what we smell on Did you ask this or is it your g this? This is honestly, I've never a lie to you. When I go for a black people's house, that's what I smell. You smell food and cookle butter or or some sort of fragrance that is linked to a natural substanibrease. Yeah, hair grease, anything to have like a natural oil or like whatever whatever. But I don't smell that when I go over. This is terrible. I don't smell that though I didn't. Okay, okay, okay, okay, let let me let's see. I'm trying to. I mean, I'm just speaking. I'm just speaking honestly. No, No, I'm seriously, I'm speaking honestly. But let me just say this again. I speak from a very limited thing because I've not gotten but so close to any person that's really that close in my adult life. Now, in my family, many of my cousins have married white women. My other cousin married a white man. I have a cousin who was adopted who was white. So his wife was a little bit like blown away when she came to my mother's funeral, and and and there was not a single day was the only did you say? Did you say? Not to cut you off, friend, but did you just say? I have black people, and I have white people in my some of my friends. I have white people in my family. I am familiar with the white I do. I am with the whites and I'm only saying. I'm only say with white people, they have been very best to me, and they have not smelled at all. I've never had an inkling of a But y'all do ship. But let's just say to be specific that there it's now, it's not it's white people and black people, it's it's people that poverty has a scent. You can bring us back. Smells like me black poverty. God, no, Jill, I'm gonna stop you sure you want to do this, you want to do this? Don't say it. Don't don't say it smells like syrup. If it's not black poverty smells like syrup. Have you ever met like a kid that smells like syrup? Like, guy here, you not take a bath like the syrup is like corn syrup because it's in a lot of cheaper foods. I'm just saying it's coming out. Of course. Anyway, we have, we veered, we have veered. Let's turn back, okay, and again right now, thank you for being a friend. Yeah, we've traveled down. You pulled me, You pulled me back from some foolishness that I don't even need. Yeah, we got that's what you need. A good say that got you boom? Can she say boom? I like a boo with with the with the with the high end. Got you VI? I'm good with though. That's why I know it's bad. I'm sorry, I'm look, God is not through with you. That's true. What I will say is this, I will consider I can't care. We consider Janis Johnson in the front of the show because she was on the show and we loved it. So so j this talk to me about diverse friend groups, right, one thing? And I know this has come up a lot. No, this has come up a lot. Now, this has come up a lot like here recently, where it comes to like black folk when you're doing things and you need a certain kind of support black folks. Being black is a full time engagement, okay, and some things you just don't need to go to your black friends for, you know what I'm saying. And I think there's there's becoming a better conversation around how you support black people in your life, whether they're close to you or whether they're just black folks who you know exist. And I will say that in terms of friendship is concerned like yeah, if I'm raising money for something, yeah, I'm gonna ask everybody that I know, but I also try to think about like, Okay, listen, am I gonna go ask black folks that already got a million things already happened in their lives. I'm gonna ask these white folks who's making three times what I make? No, I'm sorry, I'm just I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just saying that this is this is a real conversation. That's how you and busy. But okay, the white folks is they got time and there's money. I'm not saying black folks not getting money. Listen, I'm not saying that black folks not out here getting money. What I'm saying is everywhere a black person is getting money, a white person getting three folk times. Now that's the true. Okay, I'm with you now. So what I'm saying is, Okay, when you got things you're trying to get done and things that are particularly things that are going to improve a black person's life name of your own first, but it also other people around you, because you know we're givers, then you need to start going to your white friends. And if you don't have no white friends, then guess what you're doing putting the burden back on black people. So befriend white people so that they can do what they need to do because they because not what you were saying that that's what I'm saying. It sounds tactical. I'm not mad at it's but it's also shooting from them. That's I mean, everybody can say I'm another, but even in that other and it's it's just another, just different level. It's just not the same. Jim wants to keep it organic. Hands up. Choose your friends wisely. Friends, Choose regardless of regardless of what color they are, and because of what color they are, choose your friends very, very wisely. Make sure that they benefit your life and that they're not sucking the juice and the marrow out of your bones. Yeah, let them, let them be of service to you and let you, you know, be a be a blessing to them too. Ain't nobody got time for the bullshit, not even a little bit. Thank you so much for listening to Jay dot Ilda podcast. I hope you enjoyed our conversation today. I did, I really did. Hi. If you have comments on something he said in this episode called eight six six, Hey, Jill, if you want to add to this conversation. That's eight six six, three nine five four five five. Don't forget to tell us your name and the episode you're referring to. You might just hear your message on a future episode. Thank you for listening to Jill Scott Presents Jay dot Il the podcast. This podcast is hosted by Jill Scott, Laia st Clair and Agr Graden Danceler. It's executive producers are Jill Scott, Shawn g and Brian Calhoun. It's produced by la st Clair. The editing and sound design for this episode we're done by Christina Lawnger. Well, let's just slide right on out of people, don't especially says we haven't gotten our stuff back and we don't know what the percentages are, so when we just going to slide out quickly get our pocketbooks? M h I really, I'm talking non sofo up here, umbrella you can have that. I'll get an one. I'll just put that by the door for you, guess. J dot Ill is a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.