The Emotional Nekkid

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot M, a production of My Heart Ratis. Ladies and Gentlemen, Jill Scott presents Jay dot Ill with my sister friends Aga and my ear and I'm Jill Scott. Somebody, somebody is hooking up with us right now? What's going on? Oh? Who is hooking up with us? We are talking about the voice of the sports world, the one that we all listened to. That's what we're talking about. We are talking about the woman who has no problems telling us how she really feels about everything. We are talking about one of our favorite representatives. Honey, Miss Jamal Hill. You wanna thank you ladies for having me on. It's not that often that when I do podcast interviews that I actually am in the company of such esteemed ladies. I rarely do interviews with women in the podcasting space. So I'm really excited about this and I'm just looking forward to it to relax and kicking it back. What we're talking about, what we do. I should have mentioned we are also talking to the host of Unbothered. Yes, we have to throw in that plug. They're plug award winning journalists. I just want to throw that out there. Yeah, see y'all can see it on the screen. That is come, hey, I would like to visit you, so I would like you to come and stay on at some point in this here life. Please tell you have to you have some hardware of y'all. You have definitely a an elder relative for Granby. I believe I'm trying to be Egott in this lifetime. Yah heard that I heard speaking into exist you anybody reading or listening to the Secret again? You want to make us listen to us? She has not. It's been so many years since I have listen to that. But I have to go. I'm gonna circle back for you that ancient part because I always get weirded out by that. You don't need to get anything like the ancient ancestors. Ancestor ancestor let's me talking about. I just want to know which ancestor we're talking. I'm not I'm glad with it. I'm like, listen, white man, don't be telling me about listen ancestors you don't know you And the video they was wearing hoods, brown hoods, So honey, okay, secret video anyway, listening, we listen. Jamal asked what we were talking about? And we have here for a very special moment that we all truly enjoy. We have literally one question, which for us leads to many right, and that question is Jill Shan Tisa Orisa Carl Sean. She called every possible girl in the name. You have every nickname from middle school, like all in one. Yeah, to keep it a thousand percent real. Was in my heart right now is probably sexy because I am at the as of the taping of this podcast, I am a couple of days away from taking a very much needed vacation with my husband, and so I'm just like, man, we so what country y'all gonna get it in? And Jam, We're actually not going to a country. We are going to Hawaii because you know, we're in Los Angeles and looking at you know, given the time that we're in, you have to be very careful about where you're going. And as I know, more of the world is getting vaccinated, but Hawaii is like on their ship. It's like you have to have a a negative COVID test before you get on the plane, you're tested when you land. Um they have been they've had really low cases this entire time, and so being in l A, we thought that that would be a nice, little, quick, little five day getaway so that I could distress and UM had but nick and ha sex. So that's what I am looking forward to UM in the next two days. So very excited about that. So that's what you know. I'm very jealous of you. I'm in Canada and I'm quarantined, so I'm I'm on the top of a mountain by sexy. It does sound sexy. There's even at your couzy, my personal and I'm okay. I was wondering about that little house on the prey background that you had, Like what was that? I was like, this is it's the background every from humans. Well I heard that Canada quarantine. A friend of mine she had to film a couple of movies there and it was what she had to do fourteen days in the pan you have to do days. So how just Jills got entertained herself that your mal asked questions that she end up where I want journalist as what do I do? I've been writing songs, I've been masturbating, I've been using, uh distilling some some essential oils. I've been in j couzy. I've written some poetry. I've I've i meditated. I've released a monster that was chasing I had to release that thing. Who I talked to a reader? Oh yeah, I'll tell you all about it. Talk to a reader. And I've been talking to my family. But a lot of it is super quiet. I've just been real quiet. It's actually a luxury. It's actually a luxury. So so, so are you taking toys with you on your trip? Because I never trying to suckle back to the button, didn't want to be that, but I was like, since you had mentioned it or whatever, and I love it that you said it was your husband, because for some reason people be thinking that married people be having dry that they should dry, and I'm like, no, how many years have you have been married? So we got married November twenty nineteen, so we're headed towards two years in November, so you know, still very fresh, still got that merry glow feeling if you will, which you know you hope never moves obviously, but yeah, so toys, you know what, maybe I will because I really haven't broken those out in a long time. A coome of my home girls suggested a few that looked quite intrigued. One would like a like a suction cup and suppose it like I've yes, that started a partner. A partner, that's right, That's what I was gonna say. Like, I don't know if it's designated for one, but it feels like, you know, if it's in the vicinity, why not, right, I'm thinking y'all should get that remote. So I think we do have a remote thing. Yes, I gotta, I gotta dig it up. We haven't used it in a while because we don't even think we take it on our hut moved with this or whatever. I think we we had. We had our own ideas of what to do. Excited, I'm really chilled. Do you have nipple clamps? I do? Yes, I do. It's like a delicious kind of pain or whatever. My husband was really he really wants me to get my nipples peers. I am not a fan of this. So he goes about me some um, you know, I figured like, I'm like, I got your tattooed on me? Is that right? Right? And I'll let you pick the spot. I feel like that right. Yeah, So, um, they didn't pick any place like super crazy or pay for but put it like this. If you see it, then you're down there for a reason, and so he would be we're here for the we're here, we're here for that. So that's so funny. But see, it's so funny that you would mention that and then like, yeah, got shot, because it's never never, this never happens because I, for what, I'm not really a clamper, but it is a spot, so you know, and you can and you can push it, and so I'm just surprised that you would that you would feel like that, like, well, you know what, And I'm not a total crude. I get the whole pain. Sometimes it's like even to pleasure because I'm like a little pressure on the neck and whatnot. But it's just I've been bitten on my nipple and I didn't like it. So was it like an accident or on purpose? You know what's on purpose? Some dudes they just think they know what I'm so giddy about. Often times, women particularly I don't know about all women. I can't speak for all women, but I can speak for black women in this area. You can't compartmentalize so easily. Oh, if you're intelligent, you can't be the freaking week, you know. If you're a mom, then you have to be you know, sweet and kind and loving and patient. You know, like you can't have the full spectrum of women if you know, you're an award winning journalist. So if you're if you, if you're a female, it's in the sports world. I just love that we're having this conversation with your male who's a leader in this world. Who Yeah, you're not used to hearing that, but that's why these women are sexual, just like the rest of that. But I feel like sex is always the equalizer, right, Like it's the thing that will bring up all of the flavors in a person. So if you really want to talk about somebody, get them to really you really get a major perspective on their personality, get them into a conversation about sex, because it's always gonna be a surprise. It's always gonna be something in there that you did not see. Couple, And that's what I mean, you know, obviously, you know, people like I do with this all the time because because I've been married for a bunch of years and I got a bunch of kids and stuff like that. It's either one thing or the other. Either people think that we don't even look at each other, or people think because we have a lot of kids that we just literally have sex all the time. They're like, oh, y'all, y'all gotta stop. It's like I'm trying to brag about your sex life. Angel. It is kind of fabulous. Like I got friends, they got six kids, they married, they worked together, and they'd be having sex because they like each other. Y'all my only friends. I can say that about when you really think about it. I mean, I got married friends, but you can't break all of those things down and it'd be the same couple. No, I'm not gonna love to you, know I love it. He'd be like you pretty and I like you and I'm want to do it to you now. I love it. I love just to little fingers right there in between that little role on the side. And I got a new set. I got some new um waist beads and girl, when the waist beats show up, child, yeah, what is that? Okay? So we're going to do is Jamale We're going to get together your you don't have they never come off Jamale Asians showing her waist beat. I'm sorry, Jae, I mean to cut off your wisdom. God love that we're gonna get you, your your little packet, your your bag, your goodie bag. Yeah, I mean, so what's gonna find? How many days do we have before you are you out? Oh see? If it probably is too soon because we leave Wins today. So it's like, but don't worry. We we have a we have another trip for his birthday. His birthdays in August, so we're going away. I'm just saying, well, we we did doatures awesome. So yeah, but he's on the list board boards on the list but I usually surprise him. We surprised each other on our birthdays and somewhere. We've been doing this, uh since we were dating. So yeah, like he took me to belize we went to Aruba. I mean we've been. We've traveled to a lot of countries and so that part is, you know, we're both adventurous. We love to travel. So yes, I would love some kind of a package before we leave. I'm sure he would love that for his for his birthday. I want to get back to those to something. You you know, we're talking about marriage, and I am amazed now that I am married, how many people are with spouses they don't actually like that is really shocking, you know, like they don't like hanging out with them. And I've had this discussion with men before, and some of them agree with me. Some of them have been like, I don't. I disagree. I think men settle much more than women now they do because like when I talk about when I just said about how I am astonished at the number of people who don't actually like their spouses, most of them are men. And that's not to say that's not to demean men or whatever. I'm sure it's playing women who don't like their spouses either. But what I found when they are in the mode where their light is on, as they said, the sex in the city, and they're ready to get married, they look at will she be a good wife? Will she be a good mother, and sort of like if she's a cool person to hang out with, that's like so much lower on their list. And I'm actually really shocked at this because I think about women and what we want typically from a maide. In addition, of course we want stability and all those other good things, but we want somebody we can relate to, we can be friends with, who could be a confident for us. And I don't think you necessarily want the same thing, and it's it's kind of surprising. So I know, I'm sure you guys know couples like this, who there are married men who are out socializing and never bring their wife. That is the strangest thing to me, so strange, And I'm like, y'all don't hang out like I don't do something together. My wife not my friend, exactly exactly. They a lot of dudes don't see that as the should be the same person. Your wife should be your friends, should be your best friend if you're lucky, right, and so like I enjoy People have asked how me and my husband have been during this pandemic because we got married at three months later we were confined to the house, like, oh, how's it going? You know, I'm like, I like my husband. I like hanging out with him. He's like the coolest person I know, So it's not a stretch for me to be around from him all the time. I'm sure there are moments where we might get on each other's nerve, but it really, honestly hasn't happened. And so I'm amazed to run into other married people whose spouses like get on their nerves like all the time, and I'm like, damn, it's like that. So it's just I don't know. That just made me think of that is that there's a lot of people who are married or in relationships who just really don't like the person that there with not only showed up and and and and turn it light on, like you're still around? When are you leaving? Yeah, I've seen it do both on the extreme ends. Extreme end, it accelerated some relationships, like two of my girls got COVID, one of them got got married, and I've seen it go the opposite direcsion is that where a couple of them, they had their relationships and rather quickly once the pandemic started because at that time they were around each other changed and so um they were forced to kind of get to know each other at a different level and it didn't go so well. But but yeah, no, I mean, I think if my advice always to people when they asked me about marriages, like you you really should be with somebody you actually like, because if you're not, then this is not going to be any fun at all at all. Okay, my married friends, would they tell me that your spouse is not going to be everything to you? They can't be so best friend is up there in the priorities, you know, that's that's a priority, obviously your favorite lover, you know? Or do you do you marry your favorite lover? Y'all can't answer because you can't question that remix that question of Jail's kind of like, do you marry your top ten of lovers? Not your favorite? Okay, you're married. I will say top three, Mary, your top three, somebody your top three? Top three? Yeah, no, I was like, I married my favorite one for sure. I mean, yeah, so that's always that's always good. But I know what you mean, because I think we've all been probably had an experience with a guy that was not necessarily the best person, you know, the asia dude that can get that can brow you back out, that can brow you back out right exactly sweetie pie that I had, But you know, in the bed, it was like, well, I guess I gotta compromise. I'm just you know, some months before that just so he just one of the best before sific. Okay, so that that was a deal breaker. Yeah right, that was a deal breaker. Yeah, yes, was it a deal breaker? Um? After three years? Oh three years, to be honest with you, because, to be honest with you, I got to a point where I was like, god, he is so sweet. He is my best friend. Uh he came, he was there for me when I needed him. We lived together. It's great. Like the only problem I have is this, like are you is? Is that a shallow issue I had to come to It's actually was it an issue you? Was it an issue you couldn't You can't fix that. All you can do is find your spot and then make him be still right. Well, no, it's some issues you can't fix. You know, long time ago before my husband was a twinkle in my eye. You know, I did this dude who checked every box professional fine, you know, no kids like he checked literally every box. We got a long, great and we finally went out on a date. And when it got to the moment of truth, as you say, I saw there was something that couldn't be fixed. And I think y'all know what I'm talking about, Like like, well it was see by the time I found out it was like right, I was like, oh, well I'll be taking an ail tonight. You're like back to the keel ke help that more conversation after the break. I want to circle back and for fear of of of saying something that is quite typical of me, I'm gonna go ahead and go there. You mentioned like the reason why you why you know, like you felt like, okay, men when they're picking a wife is like picking someone to be with. It's like wife, mother, and then like the whole friend thing ends up not even coming into play. And it's like, well, because I mean, men have an investment in the patriarchy, so they're the way that they're socialized and the way that they're doing, you know, the way they do things. It's like, oh, this is what a wife is. A wife is not a friend, is a person you see as an equal. That's a word right there. The way that men are socialized in this country and all over. You know, they're not necessarily socialized to pick because that's not the role that they think that their wife or made shall play. And that's based on the way that that you know, the messages that they're consistently given. And unfortunately, I mean, we do break out of those things from time to time, but it does it does make all the sense in the world to me. I'm actually not shocked about that that you're like, oh, men, choose from these particular you know, this outline, and that's you know, how they do it. The thing about is that women do choose from that same place also, It's just that we're more likely to also be concerned about the other stuff too. And I would say that women also have other ways of getting fed in that way, so that men are fine to allow us to have. So it's that kind of thing as long as they don't have to participate. But you know, I don't know, I feel like I feel that when you're when you're thinking about actually, you know, and I have so many thoughts about this, obviously because I will be married this year. Oh my god, y'all twenty three years, a baby motherfucking years. Oh my goodness. I remember the day Scott scored Scott Storage and I were in the studio and the team was there, and you showed up, and I remember saying, oh for teen and age and Dayton, that's nice. And then y'all went on about your business and I looked out the window and I watched you walk away together. I don't know why I am not a store, but but I saw it. I mean, I just saw that. I had no idea I was I had no idea. I mean, we didn't know. We you know, you don't never know this type of stuff. You know, you don't know if you're gonna be together a long time. You hope, but you don't know. You don't know what life is gonna bring. You know what I'm saying. And he is my friend. He's not my only friend, you know what I'm saying. And he is fun, you know what I'm saying. But he's not my only sorts of fun. He is, you know, sexy, and we have a lot of sexual way I said, we have a lot of sexual energy between us. But it's like I've learned to love myself and feel sexy, not necessarily just because you know, he says that I am. You know what I'm saying. And so those are things that you know, I had to learn over time, and I've got married so young. You know what I'm saying, is like I I didn't know that I needed to know those things or feel those things at the time. This is just what happens over time, how our relationship matures after you learn things. You've been through different things together, you know. But I think that starting out in a place where you enjoy one another. That's everything and you actually enjoy the person because we all enter into marriage for many, many different reasons, and a lot of times we enter into marriage for reasons that we have yet to admit to. We don't we don't want to talk about that real, real reason. Right, We got all the good surface reasons, but there'll be these other reasons and these other traumas that inform that decision, and over time, those things work their way up to the surface, and it may not happen right away, and it means y'all might go through a thing. Somebody might lose a parent, or you might lose a job, or you might do this, or this might happen, and then all those little things push up and when it comes, it is that initial investment in each other. That's that initial understanding and love for the individual and wanting to get to know that person, have an empathy for the person that helps you able to get through that part, that part you can never see coming, that part you can never prepare for. Well, I really loved this conversation being able to talk to to two married latest vote, y'all is younger than me, but I am a two time to force say and I would like to you know, as as I moved forward, you know, there's always I think, as long as I'm alive, then there's a possibility of be getting married. I was just I was just about to ask you that, are you open? You would do it? Well? Can I have? I'm open? Can can I ask? Jamal? I always wanted to ask you this question, but I never had a safe space because the last time I talked to you, we were amongst men, and I feel like this is a safe space. I wanted to ask you, what was it like dating and leading up to getting married at this stage of life? Like? Uh, it was? It was honestly better, I think because I think about who I was in my twenties, I think about who I was in my thirties. I mean, when we met, my husband's younger than me, right, so it's a five year age difference. And when we met, I was just on the cusp of turning forty. And at that point, I think I was ready to make certain sacrifices, and I mean that in a positive way for a relationship, a healthy one that I wasn't ready to make before. And I just knew myself so much better. So we came into this both relatively emotionally healthy, financially stable. A lot of the the awkwardness and emotional upheaval you go through in other stages in life, it wasn't quite there now. The one thing I will say that people always, you know, I've said this before, it bears repeating, like, this is really the best thing that I've done. It's the most challenging thing I've ever done, but it's the best thing I've ever done because marriage exposes you, and I am somebody who was never comfortable with that. I didn't realize until this relationship just how much I wasn't vulnerable in other relationships and some of my emotional blockades that I just did not know that we're there. And when you're in a situation and you made this kind of commitment to somebody, it forces you to be real with yourself and be real with another person in ways that you just never imagine that you would do. So, despite sometimes feeling intense levels of discomfort because I'm a you know, I'm somebody, I'm a bit of an emotional porcupine um. Despite feeling that having to attack this part of myself and really deal with it has been extremely rewarding, and so for the experience, I'm grateful for that because it's helped me unlock a part of myself that I didn't realize was so buried, you know, from childhood trauma and a lot of other stuff. So it just I didn't realize it was it was there. Okay, last uncomfortable question because okay, so, and I want to ask this correctly too, because I know there's a way to ask a woman this question, but I just got to know because I'm I'm I'm gonna, I feel like I'm gonna try it with you in a way. How do you deal with the pressures of family that you to have to be two children? And oh? So you know that was a conversation that me and my husband he rely on. It was funny because when we were just dating, I told him I was like, if you at the stage where you feel like you really want somebody who can have kids and that be a priority, I don't know if I'm the one for you. You You know, I told them that early and so. But the funny thing is is as we you know, loved and grew, I would I would is much more open to it. I'm not saying that we have decided. We're still kind of figuring that out. Of course, we have to figure out fast, because girl, these ovaries is like the quiet you saying these operies they like see the way these ovaries work. I don't know, but you ain't got no want you think. I don't know. I don't know what I got. So it's like I gotta do that part first. It will just see where that is. But I think because we were able to have the discussion that it took a lot of pressure off the situation. Of course, you know, as soon as you get buried, everybody's like, what, we have a keydl And it's like, you know, I think we're able to take an in stride. The good thing. It's not coming from our family. My mother is not pressuring me or you know, saying hey, I want to be a grandmother like his family is not that way either. So I think from our from our inner circle, like that is not a concern at all. But you know, it's one of those things that I think we'll probably make a decision one way or or another in the next two years for sure, to see if if this is something that you know, we want to do, you know, and The other thing that I'll add that kind of is is something that you asked in the first question, is that, you know, the the tricky part I will say for me dating at this age was that I had never dated when I was on TV every day. That was the tricky part. And so and you know, it's it's different when and I'm sure Jill can attest this, saying all you ladies can, it's different when the woman is in the spotlight, like it's it's just different, you know. And he the one of the reasons why I failed for him was because he was so comfortable and so secure, and that was much harder to find than I thought it would be, you know, because I'm around professional athletes, a lot of UM friends and professional athletes, and so a lot of men would not be good with that situation or just wouldn't be comfortable, wouldn't be themselves, and or in the media business and saying that everything that member reporter has been like your salary is reported on all the time, right, what you're doing is reported on all the time. And this was a different phase where I had to deal with that. And even when I left ESPN, it was just like, oh, you know, let's talk about what my buyout was and all this, and so you know, he handled it extremely well despite the fact that sometimes you know, social media, I know that people were saying like, oh, you know, you got yourself a sugar mama like stuff like that, But that was never an issue in our relationship because of you know, how secure he is and and just emotionally mature. But it was something that I had just not factored in ever being an issue. And it was like, oh, I gotta think about this now, like, you know, how is he going to handle this and everything? And it um he handled it exceptionally well and being able to have someone that isn't a fan. See, Jill, I'm so glad you said that because people don't get this. And me and my girl who also is on TV, we talked about this a lot. Is that it's one thing if they're show an interest in your job, okay, or interesting what you do, but it's just the way that you do it. And being that I worked for a place that pretty much ninety percent of the male population, you know what I'm saying center watching ESPN, you know, the easiest way to basically kill my libido is if I'm talking to you and you asked me what Steven A Smith like, I'm like, I don't give a funk about seven A Smith Like right now, he ain't okay, right, So, like if they got just too excited about like what I did of like really good, Like I don't need, you know, I don't want I don't want to play around the horn when I get home. I don't want to play ESPN when I get home. Right, So it is that fine line between appreciating, understanding, supporting what you do and then being a fan. We know what a fan boy is, and you know there are male groupies. I mean there are, yeah. So it's just like I ran it to that type a few times and it was such a turn off because I'm like, man, I'm I don't wanna you know, I don't want to date anybody who's like so into more to my job than into me. And I can imagine you're You're right down their lane. You're in the lane everywhere they want to be, Like, man, all their dreams can come true. But I gotta tell you, though, Jamal, it was might get your song played on the right DEO station. That's the thing like trying to find somebody that is not a fan of yours but appreciates what you do and isn't I had a date asked me one time, how did I feel to be an icon? But that's such a weird question. I'm from a date. Now you've been right out? How to get out of it? Jail? Like, how do I get so? Wait? What what did you say? I'm not doing interviews today? And then how long? Much longer was the date? Not much longer? Oh? Dang, it so nice to see you, so nice to meet you. I he wasn't kind enough for you to get past that. It was very attractive, but that is just not That's not enough. I don't need that. Like I said, I'm a two time de boss, right, I don't have time patience. I know what I want to know what I don't. I've I've learned what I don't want to do. Spend a journey, yes, ma'am, and I don't want to make the same mistakes period. Also to add like not for nothing, Jamal, it was great to watch your love story because, on top of all the other things we just talked about, you are also perceived as a very I love and hate this word at the same time. So, Jill, you're the word person finessing and them for me strong black woman. Okay, so it was that's a loaded word, right, strong. It's so it's so loaded because I feel like it's a whole pressure that's thrown on us and everything else because we also understand it with most of us strong black women, we are weak at times and we are not allowed to be. But my point being is that it just made it just it was just great to see. It was just great to see a love story. Can I you know, like I'm I was just being honest. Yeah, that's a that's a better that's a better word for us, because yeah, because it's strong though it is a double ed short while I know it's meant complimentary because men as a compliment. The problem is that people start to think that we're invincible, and it's like, no, no, we're not invincible. They be weak, Yeah they don't. And I think we don't allow ourselves to be that either. We start buying into the hype as well, and so that's why a lot of us we come to a point we still we look around and we we realize that we are falling apart, and we didn't even know it. I use this analogy a lot because emotionally, I want to have a better understanding of myself, which is one of the main reasons I went to to therapy a few years ago. But, um, I don't want to be Big Mama from Soul Food. When she was her forearm was on the stove burning up, but she had no idea. Like right, it's like Big Bama's forearms on the stove burned up and she had no idea to be just makes her family is as happy and good. Correct. I don't want to be Big Mama with the forearm on the stove from so Food. Right. So it's like I think, I try to, you know, find spaces where it's okay for me to just kind of fall apart in the moment. It feels, you know, and you can pick yourself up. It feels good. You're like, who, I got that out, Thank God. Now I can go about the rest of my day. I just like to see you. I like to see it. It makes me feel so good to see this strong, beautiful black woman handling and dealing with this industry. And when I say in this industry, I just mean entertainment, even though it's a sports industry. It's also entertainment. He said the right word, Yeah, entertainment. It's so attractive. It makes it so much better to know you've got somewhere to fall. I'm just saying because with everything that Jill says, I watch you, and as I listened to you, I'm like, when where I hope she got somewhere to fall, like and she wants to just feel weak when she wants to just like breathe. It's a lot on it. The other thing I hope that people got, at least from I guess watching my love story is that I hope they were aware of my age too, because there's like this narrative that you know, I'm I'm forty five. There's this narrative that if it doesn't happen by the time you X aged, then it ain't never gonna happen and it can't be as good. And it's it's like there's I always knew I was gonna get married later in life. Always knew it because I was so career driven and I didn't want to. You know, I made that choice, and I made it consciously and I made it unapologetically. It's like, no, I really want to pour x amount of energy into my career, Exhaust that, and then I'm gonna get to a point where I've done what I've had to do and I can then do what I want to do. Right, So now I can do what I want to do now that if let's say my husband got a job, you know, Paraguay, I could go to Paraguay. That's right, right, So it's like I wanted to I laid the foundation for that. Did I love that? Because I think because to me, I feel like there's this thing where black women we have to apologize for saying what we want. It's like, that's just unbelievable. It's like, why not, why not? This is exactly the life that I wanted. Like I chose this life. I didn't freaking stumble and do it. It's like, and it's okay to say, oh, oh, I was focused and I didn't think about it, and but oh, I know what she says, I intentionally made this decision, which I think is really important because it's like, no, yes, that is some people's story and that's fine, but all our stories don't have to be the same, and that there is a very you know, it's a way to live your life intentionally more conversation after the break. So anyway, like I've always talking about people having their personal constitutions and stuff like that, and I just love to know, like, you know, what is the constitution that you have, Like maybe not the whole thing, but can you give us some like key points on your conscert the constitution you have between you, Like look, all right, damn okay, y'all should that's like I feel like I should start off with four scores seven years ago? I mean, right there, you know the question to ask I know. I was like, but that's all right, i'mnna steal that question. I'm gonna ask, can you those people? He say? That's like, yeah, no, you know what for me, I think what I and I mean this is obviously metaphorically. I don't mean this literally the promise that I made him or under our constitution, I promised to be naked with him. I did, And so I was like, I didn't mean that literally. I meant that metaphorically, as in big just showing your faults. Correct. It's like, I just I promised to be naked with him because the one good thing about us is that we emotionally balance each other out. My husband is the type of person that when he feels it, he says it right. So not in a rude way or not in a I don't know how to watch, you know what I'm saying, But like he is, so you know that way he's He's always been more emotionally mature than I am. Like when something bothers him, he gets it off his chest. You always know where you're staying with him, right, I'm totally opposite. I stu I'm married. I think about things for a long time before I say something like you might piss me off. Last April, so you and my husband y'all came off. I don't know what I mean, I know why I like this. I mean, which trust me, that's a whole another podcast. But okay, all right. I was like, you'll probably have addressed it, I'm sure, but um, but but that in that way it forces me to be more open and to be more naked and to say like, hey, I didn't like this, or hey I'm feeling this way today, because there are sometimes you know, like he made a joke points and it took me three hours to tell him that. I was just like, I don't know, were you kidding or was that like that kind of other be a little and he's like, why does it take you so long? I was like, I don't know, because I'm funked up. I have no idea, you know. So, so in that way we are. I do think that a lot of times we are attracted to people or attract people who are strong in the area that we wish we were stronger, and so he is stronger in that area than me, and so that also is part of our constitution, is being each other's emotional balancing points. But most but I had to, you know, promise to be naked with him, because I spent so much time time I think, kind of hiding myself in other relationships and I didn't want this one to be that way. I've certainly made my mistakes on that end, but I think that I'm so much further along than I think I because it's because I'm, like you said, you're not emotionally mature. But this is all, oh my god, and and honestly, I feel like this is something that really just happens to women when they are if we're not all women, obviously it's not the same, but it's something about being over forty or being close to forty, that gives you that kind of perspective that really is a heads up in this game. Because the marriage game, like you said, it's hard. So if you can come into it at that place in your life, you're actually have really at an advantage, you know, in a lot of ways to have it be successful. So you know again that thinking about being at some sort of disadvantage at this age, No, the the core of marriage and what it takes to be married if you can come in with it with the kind of life arians and self awareness that you and your husband have. And also you also got a massive head started mac surely you know that had some coins. That's one less fight to have, especially considering that so many people break up because of that. But we both came in, you know, very established, and and that part, you know, I think it was really good. And also we both came in not feeling like we were missing anything, you know, like when you know, when I was in other relationships, I certainly you know, had those experiences and that was fine. But when I was single, I was single, and so I didn't come in like, oh what about that time? I was like, I wish I would have done. Nope, I did that. Oh but yep I did that too. So like there was nothing that I was missing. I wasn't gonna be sitting up at night like, damn, I wonder what it would be like already did it? Yeah, industry when a lot of men this, Yeah, I'm sorry. I was just my personal fantasy, but I was. I was like, I see that bust combiding. It was because well that's the one thing I stayed out of my industry. Too good for you guy, Just for the record, Yeah, that's very smart. So that because I was like, I'll be there, You'll be talking about my vaginant in the streets. Thank you, thank you. I had to stay out right back to that joint, Salnce, that's my mom. She was like, listen, if you gotta deal with anybody, just one person around the way, just one Wisely, I wanna tell my little this is one per crew just on her. Well, in the same crew. I'm saying, it's the same thing. You know what I'm saying. I'm jumping around, girl. But at the moment, I just want to say, Jamal, thank you for inspiring a whole group of women like myself with saying that you want to make sure that people understand that you did this at this age and all the positivity that came with it, and giving us hope that it could still happen for us, because you know, something we lose it, but that's why we have sisters and black women like it could. Definitely, it definitely could, and it's nothing I could have predicted. I mean, I went to a tailgate at my alma mater, Michigan State, and I had no idea I was gonna be my husband. So it just you never know, you know. And so um, I think because I wasn't building my life around that, like if it happened, looking wasn't looking. I wasn't looking, and it wasn't something that. It wasn't something that I felt like I needed to complete me either, And I think that like that can't see y'all, but y'r eyes, I have to feel they heard. I listened to your man's true. It's like, you know, it's a phrase athletes used all the time, Let the game come to you, and it says like I didn't. I didn't, I wasn't, I wasn't looking, So it just kind of materialized and happened, and I was coming out of a nine year relationship, I had been one, so I was like, WHOA, I'll put loose, fancy free like I would be. I'm gonna enjoy this part. And then next thing I know, I'm like, I've been love what happened. I love what happened. But see, I like the fact that you said, y'all you wanted to be naked with him. You started with the naked, with the literal naked. She didn't. We worked that way up the metal to the emotional nacker, emotional knocker, and I just want to circle back to the physical knacker because I feel that I feel sick, feel there is a certain level of intimacy about just that whole being together naked with no just like and that's special. Fateen Uh get your ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much to Jamal Hill. Thank you for being with you smashed up after when we want to spoon and it's like right there, you want his back and I'm sorry, ahead, I'm sorry you got damn Hill. Jamale Hill, thank you so much for being the podcast with these two fools and myself. I was on Jamal Hill is unbothered recently and if you enjoyed that conversation, then you will definitely enjoy what we talked about on her podcast Billing Check it out. Hey, what's up everybody? This is Jamale Hill, host of the Spotify podcast Jamal Hill is Unbothered. Make sure you check out season three because we have a spectacular guest lineup which includes Jill Scott and also Michael B. Jordan's. This season is going to be amazing or dare I say golden? Sorry, y'all, I couldn't resist. Hi if you have comments on something he said in this episode called eight six six, Hey, Jill, if you want to add to this conversation, that's eight six six four three nine five four five by don't forget to tell us your name and the episode you're referring to. You might just hear your message on a future episode. Thank you for listening to Jill Scott presents Jay dot Il the podcast. This podcast is hosted by Jill Scott, Layah st Clair and agent Graden Danceler. It's executive producers are Jill Scott, Shawn g and Brian Calhoun. It's produced by La st Clair and me Eve. Jeff Hope. The editing and sound design for this episode, We're done by Christina Loranger. Qucumbers is good for your ass, the good for for for for losing weight. Uh, they might be good when you're lonely. Lonely, Okay, all right, and let the I see we already away always. J dot Ill is a production of I heart Radio. 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