Smiling Faces Sometimes

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Speaker 1: Welcome to j dot Ill, a production of I Heart Radio. Hey everyone, content morning. Before we start the show, this episode contains discussion about sexual violence. So if there are children around or you're sensitive to this subject matter, please take caution or skip this episode. Old old, old, Who's up, everybody? This is the podcast. Okay, we're really showing our age again again again, this is what we do. I'm here as this is Jill Scotten. I'm here with Age, a grading dancelerler Liah Sinclair. Hello, Hi everybody. I'm hoping that you're well. We all are. We want you to be good and happy and feeling grand. Today we are going to be talking about people's positive online personas versus their character in real life. What should we do when people do good on public platforms but personally might do questionable things. This is a tough one. This is a tough one. Yeah, But first let's say that this is a conversation that could stretch beyond social media, even with people who were you know, famous or let's say, public before social media. So, like you said, doing positive things out in the public world, but a whole hot mess in real life, as they call it, in real life, as if none of as if the other thing isn't real, Like we know that we're going to talk about some particular folk, but we're not, you know, hear the name names or or point fingers where it's the situations rather than the people, because this is not a gossip podcast, but it is something to make you think and hopefully make you think and question your own ideas about your perspective. So what do you do when somebody that you you really really love, Let's say you love what they do, but they have a sex cult and they have somebody you know, trapped up under their bed and they let them out. We didn't you know this one though. Actually I'm I'm thinking, I'm saying there, thinking like I'm thinking that, I'm thinking to several people. Oh yeah, I'm like or or okay, let's not say a colt. Let's just say proclivities that okay, yeah, proclivities that we probably shouldn't be privy to anyway. Right, So here's the question, you guys. And it's funny because I feel like one everybody is up for debate, everybody's actions are up for debate, and we seem to know more than we used to know about people. So it's like, it's not a choice. You have to separate certain things. So it's just about the level. So sexual proclivities, unless they have to deal with miners or forced sex, then it's none you. It's none of you. Now if it does have to deal with miners and forced sex, then it's levels. It's like, do you take the people Apple music? Do you not watch their movies? Do some things? Go ahead? And well, I do think this right. So we have a situation where you said separate. That's the word that pops out from me is the host? How do I separate the art from the person? But in my mind, I'm thinking that the operation is the issue in the first place, and that when we don't have a way of thinking that sees people as whole beings, and so we feel like we have to only take them in these compartmentalized ways, and if they don't hold up to the compartment we can't deal with that. We should be able to talk about every aspect, you know, and say, yeah, this person did this, it should actually shed some light on the whole person. I feel like if we could look at people as whole people, then we would be able to look at ourselves as the whole people and except some of the kind of shitty things that we do. Right, But then it level to YouTube though age because I'm like, all right, well, so yes, people are whole people, they do things, people are sexual, but again we're talking about doing something maybe with miners, and well yeah, I mean for me, if a person is a rapist or or a molester, or they've touched children, those are definitely hard lines for me. And when it comes to you, can you avoid every single thing that a person has done? No, No, you can't. And particularly if let's say that person is a former president, a person who signed a document, or a person who worked on this or that. You your life is affected by people's work or multiple levels, so you're not gonna be able to just step away from everything. But I think it's important to recognize when somebody has done something and they are something, and that you should be able to call that by name. You shouldn't have to you shouldn't have to worry about does that delete what they did? No, it doesn't delete what they did. It's about speaking truth. Then truth should be spoken period, you know what I mean. And then it's up to you to make a decision whether you want to, you know, support that person or or not support them or not. I don't know how other any other way to say that. Sometimes it's harder than it's It's so funny because it's one particular we're not naming names, but it's one particular person that's been a part of our lives, and it's not even who you're thinking for at least twenty years of just um, I feel like I'm on Jeopardy musically maybe, and you may catch yourself singing to yourself, but then you go, what am I doing? Self? I should not be doing that. But help me, ladies, you know what I'm saying, all a more way, more politically correct, I don't. It's a really really hard line to cross. I'm just saying, we're here in the country that has tours of plantations. We're here in the country that has slave owners on the money. You know, I'm on like you don't talk hold now that we know that this this guy was a slave owner, and he also fathered lots of children via rape or or force in some way, shape or form, you know what I mean? Those things that they don't get taken off the money, they're still their schools, are still you know, attended, you know, like yeah, but we're living in a season where we where those discussions are starting to yeah, and that changed for him. Actually we can say his name, motherfuckering Thomas Jefferson. He ain't gonna what we're gonna he gonna do, he gonna but that that's gonna change. So because even I went to a school in Maryland named after Roger B. Toddy who was the lawyer and a Jim Crow. It was like a gym crow I can't remember what it was, a racial case or whatever. He was on the wrong side of it. And eventually they did change his name, the name of the school and where in the time of changing taking down statue, change the name. So it's interesting. It's gonna be interesting when we get to the Thomas Jefferson subject of things because of what he built perception wise to American history. I mean, those things can change, and I really do hope they do. I do because the hypocrisy is it's pinful, it's painful. It's this country, yes, that's my point. But because we're in this this new it's new to us anyway, it's new to us. We didn't grow up with knowing everybody's business, about every little thing. We didn't know. We liked, who we like, we didn't know. Um, let's say, you know someone that's passed, we didn't know Rick James proclivity is right, right, right, right right. We don't know until we had idea. You know, we never knew if if Prince was straight or gay or what. But we love the music, love the music. And what he chose to share was that he was a Jehovah's witness. And then people had issues and problems with that that man's you know, faith in his business. But you could definitely separate that. I guess he could, I think. But I think really what makes the knife going deep is when public figures present themselves as a certain thing, and sometimes even make their money based on a certain thing, and then how they deal in their private lives is the extreme opposite or just contradictory to who they, you know, present themselves as. And I think that is a much hard appeal to swallow for people, you know what I mean. I think really, in in one particular, really popular case, I think people were angry, But that particular case implicated us because that person told us on many many occasions through their work, what they were into, and we were just caught up in the beat, happy to be happy to be jamming. And so I think in that situation, though the truth was important, and though it was an important conversation to have, it implicated us as being complicit. Now in situations when we're not complicit, when we're fully invested and who this person is out in the public and that person is completely the opposite. I think that that really causes a rift socially amongst how people just inhale public figures in general. And I think that is what's gotten us to where we are today, where people are like, I'm tired, I'm not having it. I'm not about to sit here and put you on a pedestal just simply because you're famous or you make good art. The bottom line is, don't be out here selling these wolf tickets and expect us not to come back for a refund. Funk that. So I kind of can see it from the aspect where it's just like, yeah, I don't have time for that, you know, just be who you are. The problem is, in my opinion, it's the pedestals in the first place. Amen, you're dealing with human beings. People, people who have a history, people who have a history beyond their existence, something in the bloodline, you know what I mean. You're dealing with human beings. So people who also enjoy the pedestal when it's up to them whether they're on it or not. Yes, and some people definitely like architect their careers and lives around getting on it. So the thing is that, yes, the problem is the pedestal. And you know me, I'm always down for let's get to the root. And I definitely think that the pedestal is an issue that is an absolute issue. Is that the whole glorifying and canonizing freaking celebrities and politicians. I for one, was actually really disturbed and I've actually never spoken about this publicly, was deeply disturbed at some of the imagery around the time that Obama was running for president. The first time. I was like, y'all putting this man up on the wall like he holds Jesus, you know what I mean? And not that I worship Jesus, but some people do. And the point is, at the end of the day, is that y'all, he should not be on your grandmama wall next to Jesus, to the Silkius to the silky hair Jesus. If he's on the wall next the silky hair Jesus, that's a problem that's been tradition since the fifth is in the sixties, where you had the Jesus next to it was the penny or you know, just saying but I'm not saying you don't have a point. I'm just saying this goes back to some of our previous conversations to about just tradition and how we just reiterates it reiterates Jill's point about the pedestal issue in and us itself. It sets you up for failure, whether you put yourself on the pedestal or not. There's it's easy. Somebody else can can do it for you. Here's my example. I may have said this before, but this is the example I always use. You have a pastor who has really good intentions and they want to build their church and build their folks spiritually, economically, and otherwise. And one day, as they're walking to the pull pit, somebody says, Pastor, I'll carry your body. That is the beginning of the end. If you can't carry your own Bible, if you can't drive your own car, if you can't clean your own house. If you can't, there's a problem. That is my opinion, that is the beginning of the downfall, because all of a sudden, somebody got to take past this closed to the dry cleaning. All of a sudden, somebody got to cook past food for him. You know, I got I got you. I just gotta make sure to go do these things for pastor. And I think that that's a problem when when I think about church, I think that the pastor, reverend, whatever you have, priests, whatever you want, they're supposed to quote unquote serve the people. It's a it's a job of service, and it's a job of creating an understanding with your particular deity and the book that's written. Okay, just to put it real, real simple. This is when it gets tricky for me when those people, when the pastors have an other life underneath. Girl, that's when I'm I'm like, oh, okay, this teaching people how to exist. That that one is scurry to me, that one birth of all child. We skip it down the street hand in hand on that. But I want to I want to throw this out to you. Now, this is not a job of service, but It's definitely one that can get very problematic for the people when these people are giving platform to speak on certain things that affect the people. So I'm gonna go back and say, you said the problems when people can't carry their own bible, let's talk about celebrities. Let's talk about artists can't carry their own luggage, getting all kinds of different perks from being celebrities, getting treated certainly, having yesmen, people who will tell them anything, the whole thing, and then they're kind of existing in a bubble. And then in this past year, what we've seen is and this has always been, but in this past year, what we've seen is a kind of head to head that's come with celebrities being able to speak out about different social issues, and it's like, how can you speak out for the people? How can you service the people when this is not your experience, When you really only have the microphone because you're famous, and you get an opportunity to speak just because you're famous, because that becomes the value of you in that moment, not your brain, not your thoughts, not your politics, but because you have the platform. And I think a lot of times that that becomes an issue as well in terms of how people get set up to put people in a certain place, and they actually can do harm, great harm, just as much harm from a spiritual level then they can from a celebrity level. Because even now what we're talking about now, and this past week, a celebrity came out and spoke about a very hot button issue in which they were very under educated about it, deeply under educated about it, and do it a lot of harm to a particular community. And the idea and so it's continually coming up, this idea of how fame and pedestal building even effects our activists work for people who really need to be represented. They are represented or even spoken against by celebrities who have the benefit of platform. So because they can be heard, they can do some quote unquote good, but they go to do a lot of harm, a lot a lot of harm because their personal political beliefs can be extremely harmful, but people give them validity because of their platform. That's not exactly what we're talking about here, but it's still it's still a problem, and I think it's just as big a problem as as as pastors, and it's not for social media, it probably wouldn't be as much of a problem because I'm thinking Asia while you were talking, Because you know, of course, there have been many successful unions formed between celebrities and activists throughout our history. However, I feel like maybe in the past there was a slower movement when it came to your thoughts and actually saying things and actually meeting with activists first before you make your official statement about what you're saying. And I think that now, maybe because of social media, you don't get that pause. And matter of fact, celebrities don't even know that that that was a thing, Like I don't even know those celebrities think that way, Like do you think that Harry Bellefontage just was like I'm thinking something. I'm sure I'm saying, you know, I kind of doubt it. So the immediacy is a problem. Yeah, we'll be back after the break. Oh yes, I remember a few years ago, Fantasia got into something one time where she agreed to do an event and it was like a chair. It was something that on the surface looked like it was a good thing, right, but she hadn't done the research on it, and she went to go do it and apparently was like not a good thing. I don't even remember the whole story point is a lot of times artists are given a schedule, they might say, okay, yeah, i'll do that, I'll do that, but they're not doing a whole bunch of background check on it. And particularly because they want celebrities to be present so that they can bring attention and awareness to whatever it is that they're people are doing, and then it's like and then the celebrity themselves becomes you know, privy to or what you said you was about this, or you said you was about that, or you backed that up, so that means x, y and z, and so they're not able to live as an actual human being forming their own opinions and feelings in that moment. They're just like out there. And I think that that's just because their platforms are just there's too much importance being put on the platform of fame and influence is a big old problem and trying to hold onto your humanity. It's a job. It's a job that you you have to you have to do it. You have to do it, or it's it's easy to get lost. It's easy to believe everything that people will say about you. It's easy, especially if it's nice ship You're like, oh, yes, I I am always the sweetest. No, no, that's not it. I know. For me anyway, I've fallen victim to a whole bunch of bullshit and and I won't say a whole bunch, but enough of it. And I've been trying, you know, from the from the first album, like who is Jill Scott? Like it's a journey not a destination. Wow, number two beautifully human, Like hey, listen, I've been I'm fallible. Now, okay, I've been trying to tell you that I'm a whole person. And for me anyway, I gotta get away from all of it. I have to get away from all of it because I and I take everything that people say, whether it's kind know, I won't say whether it's kind of, if it's kind of, take it with a grain of salt. You have to. These are the things. These are the conversations that I have with new artists all the time, Like listen, I know it feels I know it feels great. It was very exciting to have my whole neighborhood playing my music up and down the streets, but at three o'clock in the morning, it wasn't so great, you know, you know what I mean? Or come outside and everybody sitting on my steps and I'm like, I just saw y'all yesterday. What's happening? What's what's what is happening? You know? Like, and I swear I appreciate every ounce of kindness and appreciation that people throw my way. But I am not going to I'm not gonna do this with you. I I'm just a person. And I think, really, I really believe that if more artists remember that and not get caught up in the excitement of it all or the go of it all, because I mean, for me, is a big deal. For me, I've gone from here to there quickly overnight. One minute, I'm minded my business, I'm the sweetest thing since the sweet Potato pie, and the next thing, I'm a fat next thing. And I'm like, but I I told you, I told you, I told you. I think this goes back to what we were talking about getting is that we got to stop compartmentalizing people in general. That's number one. Number two, rid ourselves of these pedestals, you know what I mean. And then also too, I will have to say this that with social media becoming a thing that now there's so much business and the appearance of things, and so it is such a real it's a real business model, yea. And not that it wasn't always, but I do think that it's taken on a real interesting kind of life right now with social media, where it's like, okay, this is a business model to create a life A look a persona a spending people want to get surgically, look surgically make me look like this filter and a spending habit because we can never forget what country we live in or what kind of world we live in. It's you know, it's really about the ducats, right, and so there's a thing where yeah, I make this much money or this is what I'm doing. And so that whole imagery thing, mixed with what a friend of my life to say, capitalism disguised as entrepreneurship, right, that has created this very interesting little monster that really has people deeply engaged, so engaged that they are not even interested in the real person until they get that big brickthrown at them like boom, this person or this situation is not what you thought it was. It is not what you think it is. And guess what, you were part of validating it. And not only are you part of validating it, you want it for yourself. You at home feeling shitty and bad because you're like, well, I didn't I adn't go on that vacation, or I don't look that good in a bikini, or I don't make for my children every day, and you know, my husband and our pictures and photos don't look that wonderful, and so it does a double whammy on the psyche of the people. In my opinion, anyway, I agree with you. It's a very very slippery slope. It's a very slippery slope. I'm just gonna say it again, like you really have to try if this is your dream, and exactly what is your dream? Is your dream to to to be an artist to create art for other people to enjoy, or is your dream to be famous? If your dream is to be famous, that's a whole other party. Well, yea and twisted. The hustle to be famous has gotten very real for for regular folks like you know, teenagers and whatnot. They're making their money off they TikTok for real and you but that's not telling to go get no job because like you see me. It's also something that's that's real though, Like people are making money that way, and people want to grow up and be YouTube stars like what Yeah, I think making content is a talent, yeah, you know, and trying to figure out how to be witty or how to do X, Y and Z or keep up with it. All this stuff requires work, but it's a out of work. I didn't do my eye browse today, ye know what I'm saying, Like I I didn't. I didn't. I didn't do all the stuff that this quote unquote you know a celebrity is supposed to do. And that's one of the reasons why if you have any questions why this podcast isn't visual, it's because of that. I want to talk to my friends and have conversation at Sparks, conversation without you, you know, judging, Um, if I got on a bra not which because I currently well do not out my shirt, so I don't but can't nobody see. But I don't care. Okay, I'm gonna just pop this whole thing open this so y'all can just see the birl have what it matches your that's just your head, y'all. You look very cute. Okay, so well, let me ask this question, ladyship. When someone does something that you don't like, do you quote unquote cancel them? Oh? Yeah, that's the word. But they've been canceled from being creative. See. The c word is weird for me because I think that canceling originally was about and still in very for many people, it's about accountability. But I don't like the way that the word cancel has been utilized by people who don't want to be accountable as some sort of problematic trend. And so there are problems with the quote unquote idea of canceling. But at the core of canceling, it is about we're just not going to allow you to run a muck and be harmful just because you make or do something that we like or that people like. And I think that's an essential kind of thing to have in society. I think that's real. Now how we handle it, Yeah, I feel like that's gotten misconstrued out of hand, and a whole lot of other things, you know. And let me just turn this part on myself. My whole career has been built off of being viewed as being a wife, a mother attached to my family, and so that means a lot of different things to a lot of different people, and they may have some really kind of toxic ideas about what that is family, marriage, motherhood, wifehood, whatever. And they might see me in person or see my life off of social media and feel like, oh, I don't like that, or that's that's not being a wife for that's not being a good mother. And I would feel really upset about that, you know. I would be like, you know, it's none of your business, but I have to live in a y'all that that has been part of my imaging for a long long time because it's just who my life. That's what my life was, you know, or is you know what I mean? So I do recognize that. But if I had done something that was extremely harmful to someone, and that would be my job to be forthright and open to correction, and I'm willing to do that, you know, if I harmed you know what I mean? And I don't that's the gag. And if I draw my line in the sand and I say, oh, y'all just being sisifically, everybody getting canceled. Can't nobody even be a human being? I know? You hate that I fucking hate that. Like, come on, y'all, like, I'm sorry to cuss so much, but like, yo, it's like I don't like it. Let's just take a tick back. You're always gonna have extremes. You're gonna have people who are mad at you for any and everything. That's not who we're talking about. We're talking about harm. We're talking about educating yourself. We're talking about actually trying in your public life the same way you should in your personal life when you've done harm, to circle back and learn and do better, like not drawing, not draw your line in and said and say boom whatever. You know, y'all got that, you know, I just don't like that. You're gonna have to come to terms with some subject matters and some things that make you uncomfortable life though, And that is like you learn as you go. How I viewed a lot of things ten years ago is not how I view them now, because I've learned along the way. You you ask questions of people that are living a different kind of life than you, than you know, and you find out that oh, ship, there are people, they just people too. Yeah yeah yeah, But then you're being but you're being judge, and some of the people making these decisions are by younger people who haven't had those experiences to know that it's a thing called growth and evolution. It's a very interesting situation we're in that has to be acknowledged, the growth and evolution of a person. Yeah, I'm just trying to figure out so much so much music. So it's just y'all never answered the question, which was it was such a contribution to the culture for so many years in the terms of since this is an extreme of things, should it just all be removed or should knowing that in retrospect, we're talking about the person that we all enabled, we enabled and listening to this music, you know what these songs? Who these people are that he's really saying, as he well, what about burning books like because an author is not doing or not being what you expect them to be, or because the topic of the subject is racy or avant garde or adventurous in a way like particularly like in the fifties, you know, a lot of books were burned because people felt like the nature of the story was toxic to the environment. Is it the same thing? I think what's more important and removing work is the conversation about what is going on. We have to get better at talking about what the offense is and what happened and how we're dealing with that as a society, more than necessarily removing the work, you know. And that's just my opinion on that. I've chosen not to listen to certain things and engage in certain people's working because that's just my personal decision. But in terms of um, you know, removing their work, I don't agree with that. I do think that I'm sorry, well yeah, I mean, I can't listen to him and I choose not to. But I think that more than the song needs to be removed, we have to start to discuss why the song happened, and why people how much that's happening in our own community these and how we're not dealing with it, and how we're not having that conversation about that person in our family or that person on our block, and we have to continue to talk about those things. It's the conversation that's more important than removing the world, because you end up cutting off a finger, but not the hands. Right now, I will say this, there were some talk about not allowing the person who made the work to work until they handled their business. Now that I can get down with, because I do think there's a certain level of things can get to a certain level where you have to get account to ability. It's like we all live in a world of evidence and receipts, right, and if the receipts are out there and those receipts are tied to lives, people's actual lives. You know, this is a favorite receipts though, to be actual receipts and and not gossip or you know, conjecture or you know, some months I need, I need and not part of the truth. The whole truth became My thing is like, you can't hold a person accountable without talking about what made that person do what they did. You can't do that. It's like, for example, I was reading this whole thing about black codes that after the Civil War, and it's like black people could get arrested for being a vagrant or being unemployed, right, and so then they therefore made employment so unfair. That was almost like being a slave, right. Anyone who chose not to be employed, even though any human being wouldn't want to be employed under those circumstances, they could go to jail. Right, So I say this to say that you can meet a man or a woman at that time and they may have been to jail, and the fact of the matter is that, yeah, you can punish that person for being a quote unquote a thief for vagrant and say, oh, that's punishable by law. You could do that, But if you don't discuss the reason why they got there, then you're doing a disservice to actual humanity and society as a whole. So I'm just saying, like, that's really where I'm at with it on on that part of it. I mean, I know it's tricky. I know you have actual people's lives who are so especially when you start talking about things that involved children of sexual assaul or anything like that. I recognize that that's very triggering. I recognized that that affects many, many people, and and to be fair, it affects the person and that I was alluding to as well, Like I do understand that person too was a victim of sexual assault. And it's your right agent's whoa. It's it's the kind of start of talking about that music. I want to talk about what has come out of our communities to help victims sense? Then, how have we shifted our thinking around survivors? Are we talking about women period? Survivors period? Are we having these conversations? I don't care if you listen to it. What are you doing? How did that change your life? And I'll even say that about all of it when people talk about people who stepped out on their wives or husbands or you know, we had famous men and a famous woman who got caught out there and talked about about their head right, And I'm saying, right now, how does that affect your relationships? How are you discussing marriage? How are you discussion connection? How are you discussing these things? Because it's really about if these people are inspiring to you and they fall off, it's the conversation that should happen, not the judgment. Is that what you're saying. I'm saying, yes, I think you need to be really thinking about how this affects us all as a whole, because it does you start thinking more communal yet, how it affects everyone and how the conversations were not having with each other. We'll be back after the break. I try to mind my business. I really do, because I'm in a position where I want people to mind their business when a relationship doesn't work out or I wasn't there, nobody was there. Nobody was in that house with them. People you don't know, You don't know what that relationship is like. Not really. You saw nice pictures, you know what I mean. You you saw pretty pictures, but you don't know. I think those that's one of those times where I'm gonna just stay out of it in my my business because it's not my business. Did the lady get back on the screen and do a wonderful film where she played the character beautifully, creatively, openly, then yeah, the rest of it, you know. But however, those other subjects thought Jill, like, maybe I feel you on that woe when it comes to the marriage. But we're seeing public people go through these things that a lot of us have in common with these people are happening in our families, but we're not talking about So I feel asia on the sense of like because I think about that the things that I talked about with my family members that has happened in my family and the things that we used to call just crazy, but now that's and I'm doing that now. It's funny because I think j d Ill is helping a little bit with that, just myself personally. I hope you two out there, but I am having more like I'm saying to mommy, why don't we talk about this? We should talk about that, Mommy. Let let me hear more about why you just thought that was crazy, because if you think about that, that person actually had a messed up up here because y'all took her away from the family and da da da dada. Oh I didn't think about it like that. Okay, Well, let's just let's start think about things differently because oh yeah, or even my teenager was telling me that about mental illness too, like you you're talking about that, Like she was talking about famous people or even people who should a particular person on TikTok on social media who have become famous but became famous because of their antics, which are clearly about mental illness, and she was like, what happens a lot of times is that people just don't want to talk about People do things and exhibit behavior that either people think it's funny or they're angry about it, or they think it's funny until it makes them angry, or they think it's okay. Until it's you know, reached whatever level they think is too much, and then we don't we we don't have a talk about why is this person? Why do we want to watch a train wrank? Why are we even engaging in this? I told my thirteen year old one time, I said, honey, listen, just because they make it don't mean you have to consume it. And if you do slip up and consume it, that means you ain't gotta share it. You just don't. I'm in this place where I do think that accountability is important, but accountability is never a singular conversation. Accountability is always a community conversation because a person does not become who they are in an isolated way. They don't do that all by themselves. Like with a family, if something happens, you know, like let's just say that the parents are getting a divorce or they think that they're going to that's the plan of action, and typically the parents have a conversation with the children like listen, this is what's happening, this is how we feel, this is this is why, and then you have to deal with the emotions that come from that. Some some kids are like, yes, I'm glad and some kids are like, no, please, don't do this. You know, like, yeah, I I really, I really feel that aga that that accountability is a really big portion of the show that you know, I think it was Martin Luther King said something about accountability being the sign of maturity. I love what you said, the thing about process and feelings. We are a society of people who just has either never learned how to, or has gotten away from or just needs to continue to work at mastering process and feelings. And I hate to blame everything on social media because social media can be a cool thing, but because of the quickness of the way we get information nowadays, a lot of times we just are not able to process our feelings. And processing your feelings needs to be something that's safe. You have to feel safe to have a very difficult conversation, which is why social media sometimes can be such a jenky place to have them, because it's not there's it's not safe. It's not safe. I remember thanking Jehovah for just for being able to be with my son again, and then the comments were, you know, talking about Jehovah's witnesses and how it was a cult, and you know, um. Some people were like, oh, you're saying his name and you know, but I my commented that was my faith is not your lane. It's really not your lane at all. My spirituality is a big part of who I am. But like I said, again, you know, I'm a whole human. I'm a whole person. W h O l E. And that doesn't excuse me. I'm not looking for excuses for that. I'm just saying that I am doing the best I can to live all the way inside of myself. You know, do you understand to ask you this? Yeah? I ask you this though? Is it is it okay for people to just call folks when they feel of ship? Like you're not canceled, but you are feel of ship on this particular issue, fair enough? Yeah? Are you saying are you saying I'm fulish it? No? No, No, No, I was asking I'm go, we have this conversation. We are here to have conversations that sparked conversation. No, I'm just saying when people are when people being you know what I mean, I think it's okay to call bullshit, you know, I like the way to be honest. Damn, can't we say no names? But all right, let me see if I can do this. It was a situation where, uh why woman on TV had made a very big mistake, and she went to a black man who was also on TV to help her publicly quite quash this thing. And then that black man, uh call upon a lot of public white black women to help her understand. And those black women was like, that ain't my job. And he was like, oh my bad. You right, I messed up. My wife just told me that I love it. I love and he gets to go back to work the next day a better man. So and I think that sometimes things are so bad that they actually have to go to the opposite end for a second, just to find this way back to the middle. That there wasn't a clusterfuck that that retell that story wasn't y'all understood what I was saying. No, I understood, And so all the people so well, the people yeah that respect him. Um but yeah, so yeah, listen, we all can get caught out there. Yeah we cant all yeah, yeah, and just now we just can't canceling. And so it was. It happened so fast and feels like all of a sudden, there's this thing called cancel and it was happening fast. It was like wait, wait, wait, we don't have no uh, what was the requirements for the cancelization? We should have the standards. And it was just like no, I'm gonna say it's canceled, and it's canceled. I remember I had Uh. I got reamed years ago because I told this lady in the order is to shut the funk up. Yeah. They were like, oh my god. We thought she was so nice and so sweet, and she told that shut the funk up. I surely did. The woman was drunk, she was belligerent, and she was cussing me out in the front row, telling me to sing a song. I just sang and talking, I mean like talking through every all of my transitions. You know, I tell stories, so she's all in my transitions, tell cussing me out. Yes, I told him to kick the sunk out and yeah, and when I did, the people that were in her area applauded, and she was She got kicked out of the show. But the people in the back who didn't hear what she was saying was like, good ship, how facebook, Facebook, Facebook Facebook? Yeah. I would like to be asked questions instead of you know, I'm just like asking the world to think the better of you if you could, if you know what I mean. Like, those are the things on the other hand, which is not really fair to the strangers. But on the on the other end of things, sometimes when people do call you on something that actually is real, people have to learn how to have some grace. I ain't gonna lie to you. Like one time. I one time, it's on Facebook and I posted, um an article and it it was the article wasn't terrible, but it was not It didn't have the right information in it. It presented a particular issue in a way that was not proper, and um, someone really kind of ramed me about it. And so I went back and read it and ready to get I said, oh, you know what, I see where you're from. And then I saw who published the article. And I went back and I studied who that person was, I mean, who that that organization was. And then I understood even further why she was upset with me. And so I deemed her and I said, you know what, I took it down, thank you. I was not right. And then I publicly said I put up something that was incorrect. X y Z blad and she and I are actually friends now. We became friends out of that moment, and we didn't even know each other then. And my point is that sometimes people have got to accept a correction. Even it's like these days, I just find sometimes that people are are very quick to say all folks just too sensitive, or people crazy, or it's like nah, sometimes it's ego, and it's it's really hard to have some check you. You know that you don't know, especially if you bought into this idea that you're you know, on some somebody's pedestal, that's what you're thinking about yourself, that you're better than everybody else. I look, I know, I definitely get some celebrity privileges, and I'm super grateful for all of them. Really, really and truly. Thank you so much for shout out to Philadelphia TSA. Come on you much, thank you kindly. Thank you, thank you every t s A that I've ever gone through, Thank you kindly. Thank you to everybody that works at the hotel. I'm like, let me just upgrade. I would like bless your life. Thank you so much. You worry as I appreciate. Thank you so much. You don't have to, but you did what you did? Thank you? Where was you going? What? I know? I'm just saying I'm shouting people out, thank you, But I'm not. I'm not oblivious that I'm a celebrity. I'm not oblivious to it. I just don't own that. I don't like, I don't want. I really do like girls be shopping. I really do like meeting strangers and having conversations about something or nothing. I like that. That's what makes me a writer. That's what makes me a right being able to talk to people and being able to think out loud and listen to I appreciate your thoughts, ladies, always, always so much. I always learned something with you guys and get a different perspective. And that's the that's the point in the goal. And just a word of advice to people from someone who's always constantly being corrected, whether on social or just in life. Uh. You know that emoji where the faces with the teeth is just like if you don't know when to say when you're being corrected, you use that face and go oh my bad when you know you're because that's what I do. Oh you're right. Maybe maybe you don't know. Damn, you just don't know, so that's a good one, saying that's what that emoji is for my bad. You'll continue with your do out here fake and don't be out here fake in the damn funk we want to you are all right that that pola dirty clothes in the corner. It's okay. You ain't got a crop in Out'm gonna I'm gonna change my ain'tle real quick Asian. You don't have to do that, just Joe, always a pleasure, Pa, How do you eat an elephant? One? By time? What's up? Everybody? Producer eaves here and I'm here to give you the episode resources. So look, social media can have us thinking that we know things about people's lives, but in reality, we really only know what they give us. There is a huge difference between who people are online and what they do off camera and behind closed doors. Even if they're not purposefully misrepresenting their lives, people have whole existences that we are not privy to and know nothing about. I'll drop links to some articles about still called canceling accountability and the facade of social media in the episode description, Hi, if you have comments on something he said in this episode called eight six six. Hey do if you want to add to this conversation, that's eight six six four three nine five four five five. Don't forget to tell us your name and the episode you're referring to. You just hear your message on a future episode. Thank you for listening to Jill Scott Presents Jay dot Il the podcast. This podcast is hosted by Jill Scott, Layah st Clair and Age a Great and Danceller. It's executive producers are Jill Scott, Shawn g and Brian Calhoun's produced by Layas st Clair and me Eve Jeff Cope. The editing and sound design for this episode we're done by Christina Larenger. Y. Yeah, you're shining over there. There's a lot of lightedness rules. So it's a beautiful Amanda. It's a beautiful day in some Yeah, that's southlight is quite beautiful. I'm gonna go outside in it. Don't play, don't play that's what old Jill Scott day dot episode with white people do they play? Frolic yea so frolic my lofe. J dot Ill is a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from I Heart Radio, visit the i Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.